Latest / Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET / Episode #151 with Best-Selling Cara Lockwood

Transcript

Episode #151 with Best-Selling Cara Lockwood · Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Kicking In with Kiki. Kicking it be ki
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Ki kicking it the ki Ki.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: For a little personality, switching up the storyline on God,
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: we making the story.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: And books, changing rides one day at the time, much
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: problems to the side. Enjoy yourself, free your mind, Kicking
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: it with ki Kee.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: Hello and welcome back to another episode of Kicking It
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: with Kiki, Life, love and all that other ship. I
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: am your host, award winning author Kiki Chanel, owner of
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: nineteen lifestyle magazine. Today. I am joined with a very
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: special guest. But you guys know how I like to do.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: I like to give my guests the opportunity to introduced themselves,
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to turn it over to her here.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: Thank you for coming to kick it with me. Go
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: ahead and tell the listeners who you are and what
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: you do.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah. So well, I'm a USA Today.
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  Speaker 4: Best selling romance novelist. In my current jobs, so I've
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: written over forty books. The first one became a movie
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  Speaker 4: on Lifetime and I also wrote a Hallmark movie. So
• 1:23
  Speaker 4: I'm all about the happily ever afters. But in twenty
• 1:27
  Speaker 4: twenty three, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, which sort
• 1:30
  Speaker 4: of put the skids on the Happily Ever after a
• 1:33
  Speaker 4: little bit. Thankfully, I'm now in remission. But I wrote
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  Speaker 4: a book about my experience called There's no good book
• 1:40
  Speaker 4: for this, But I wrote one anyway, The Irreverent Guy
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  Speaker 4: to Crushing Breast Cancer.
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: So wow, that's just a little about me.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a great resume. I'm so glad that you
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: are in remission. Me too, because that journey has affected
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: a lot of people. And the fact that you are
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: smiling and you here kicking it with me today. You've
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: written a book about it that is awesome, So thank
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: you for being here again. You So we're going to
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: get into life real quick. How have words been vital
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: to overcome in life's adversities for you? Care?
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  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, well, storytelling and writing and reading it's just
• 2:20
  Speaker 4: like my lifeblood. It's what I love to do. I've
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  Speaker 4: I've loved stories since I was a little kid. I
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: just couldn't, you know. I had to always when we
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: went to the library at a giant stack of books,
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  Speaker 4: you know, to come home with, and writing has just
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  Speaker 4: been always my way of expressing my feelings and talking
• 2:39
  Speaker 4: about kind of creating a world that I want to
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  Speaker 4: exist in. My in my fiction books. So writing I
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  Speaker 4: just think is essential, like it's it's a way to
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  Speaker 4: get thoughts down on paper in in just an authentic,
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  Speaker 4: real way that maybe we have a hard time voicing
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  Speaker 4: and talking about sometimes.
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  Speaker 3: So from me and.
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  Speaker 4: Just my entire life, writing has always been just essential,
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  Speaker 4: just key for me.
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  Speaker 2: Same it was my like escape from reality. Yes, my
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  Speaker 2: parents said that I was like this child that didn't
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: really like people, so they would always find me inside
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  Speaker 2: the closet under my bed with.
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  Speaker 3: Sure sure that note, I think.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, so yeah, I totally agree. I understand and I
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: agree with you wholeheartedly about the words and writing and
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  Speaker 2: things like that. Why is she choosing the right words
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: and using them in a positive way important to personal
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: as well as professional relationships?
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, Well, words are so powerful, aren't they. I mean,
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  Speaker 4: you know, a compliment to someone in the day can
• 3:49
  Speaker 4: make their day, and you know an insult can ruin
• 3:53
  Speaker 4: their day, you know, I mean a words are so
• 3:55
  Speaker 4: incredibly powerful, and I think sometimes we forget that, even
• 3:59
  Speaker 4: you know, the non writers among us, forget how powerful
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: words can be, how they stick with us for a
• 4:04
  Speaker 4: long time. And I think, you know, especially you know,
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: for me, in dealing with breast cancer.
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  Speaker 3: You know, like.
• 4:12
  Speaker 4: Negative self talk was such a drain for me, you know,
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  Speaker 4: just the doubt and the worry and the fear, and
• 4:20
  Speaker 4: so I think it was just especially important for me
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  Speaker 4: through that whole treatment process just to you know, lean
• 4:26
  Speaker 4: into the positive. And and when I say positive, I
• 4:29
  Speaker 4: don't mean just like live, laugh, love, you know, like.
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  Speaker 3: And ignoring the bad stuff.
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  Speaker 4: You can you can be salty and positive too, which
• 4:38
  Speaker 4: which is sort of my favorite salty, sarcastic positivity. But
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  Speaker 4: you know, I think it's important, uh not to like,
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  Speaker 4: you know, beat ourselves up too much just in the day, uh,
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  Speaker 4: whether whether we're dealing with something small or something big.
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  Speaker 4: You know, we're we should be our biggest cheerleaders, and
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  Speaker 4: often we're are huge critics instead, like we're just start
• 5:00
  Speaker 4: worst critics instead of our best cheerleaders. So, you know,
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  Speaker 4: I don't know about you, but uh, sometimes I struggle
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  Speaker 4: with that negative playlist in my head of you know,
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  Speaker 4: imposter syndrome and you're not going to make it and
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  Speaker 4: everyone is going to know you're a fake, and you know,
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  Speaker 4: those thoughts just aren't true. So I think it's important
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  Speaker 4: for us to challenge them when we.
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  Speaker 2: Can absolutely yeah, I totally understand, and I have been there.
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  Speaker 2: I've gotten a whole lot better though. I know what
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  Speaker 2: helped me get better is celebrating the winds. Yes, yes,
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  Speaker 2: you know you have an accomplishment. I'm always off to
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: the next thing. I don't sit in it and you know,
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: take it all in. So for me, I have learned
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: to celebrate the winds and like gas myself up, so
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: to speak. But a big deal like those accomplishes they matter.
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  Speaker 3: Exactly, no, exactly. I think that's so true.
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  Speaker 4: You know, before my diagnosis, I would I just wouldn't
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  Speaker 4: celebrate the winds. I you know, when I hit the
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: USA Today bestseller list, I sort of said, well that's great,
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  Speaker 4: but it's not like the New York Times, so you know,
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  Speaker 4: you know, like giving myself shade on that, you know,
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  Speaker 4: and I'm like what you know, and I just let
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: that kind of go, like okay, well I'm just gonna
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: give myself half compliments. But then, you know, I had
• 6:20
  Speaker 4: a double missectomy, like a very serious surgery, and I
• 6:24
  Speaker 4: had ramped myself up for it, like you know, eating right,
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: doing what my doctor said, like trying to walk, like
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: you know, get some more exercise and you know, just
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: do what I could to be ready. And I went
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: through the surgery. I didn't run to Australia like sort
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: of I wanted to do up until the last minute,
• 6:43
  Speaker 4: I'm like, what what is the air fair to Australia
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  Speaker 4: right now? You know, But I actually went through the surgery,
• 6:48
  Speaker 4: get got myself there, recover you know, did did fine,
• 6:54
  Speaker 4: and recover it and gave myself like a genuine compliment,
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  Speaker 4: like a you did a good job, like we.
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  Speaker 3: Should celebrate this.
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  Speaker 4: And I realized, I think that was like the first
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: time in my adult life that I had really genuinely
• 7:06
  Speaker 4: given myself a compliment with no shade attached.
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  Speaker 3: I love that.
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  Speaker 2: I love that careen giving yourself a compliment with no shade. Yes, yes, right,
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  Speaker 2: it's so so necessary. It is.
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  Speaker 4: And I think for us women, I think we're just
• 7:24
  Speaker 4: so hard on ourselves almost all the time, like we
• 7:27
  Speaker 4: just can't take the w take the win, which we just.
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  Speaker 2: I don't know why that is. I guess because we
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: have such a nurture and spirit. Yeah, we try to
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: stay in that space and we tie. I know that
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  Speaker 2: I tend to take it on, like take on other
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: people's like stuff, problems and they yeah.
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  Speaker 4: Right right, Like that's not part of our job, right, Yeah, yeah,
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  Speaker 4: I know, and I think too. Part, at least for me,
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  Speaker 4: part of it was, you know, if I if I
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: throw myself enough shade, then I'll just be better next time.
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  Speaker 4: Like I felt like if I was mean enough to myself,
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  Speaker 4: maybe I would improve somehow, like maybe I was or
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  Speaker 4: not or not letting myself get too you know, uh
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  Speaker 4: ego driven, like you know, full of myself, like I
• 8:15
  Speaker 4: was gonna keep myself humble. But I don't think we
• 8:17
  Speaker 4: need to keep ourselves humble. I don't think our umble.
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  Speaker 2: Right right, I mean because we're a big deal, Like
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: you're a big deal, Like, yeah, you're doing something that
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  Speaker 2: someone else is not doing right, but they're doing it
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  Speaker 2: in their own way, which means you are the person
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  Speaker 2: that can get those compliments and without the shade and
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: things like that. So I think it's important to just
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: build yourself up, like you said, be your own cheerleader,
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  Speaker 2: because that way, when other people don't celebrate you, you're
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: able to celebrate yourself. And I celebrate myself all the time.
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  Speaker 3: Which is good.
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  Speaker 4: I'm so so glad, And what a wonderful example you're
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  Speaker 4: setting too.
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  Speaker 3: For the rest of us. Like that's like we should
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  Speaker 3: all do that more often.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely, to get into the love segmentary, But when did
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: you first fall in love with words?
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, oh, well it was when I first learned to read.
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  Speaker 4: I mean, I think, you know, my my parents read
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: me stories. But when I first learned to read, my
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: mom uh took me to the bookstore to pick out
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  Speaker 4: a picture book.
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  Speaker 3: You know, so that I could take home to read.
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  Speaker 4: And uh, you know, it was after work, it was
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  Speaker 4: it was the you know, the it was getting dark,
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  Speaker 4: and uh, but I was so excited. She kept the
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: car light on, the interior car lights so I could read,
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: you know, my picture book on the way home.
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  Speaker 3: And she loves to tell that story.
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  Speaker 4: She's a you know, a retired elementary school teacher, so
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: of course reading is big for her.
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  Speaker 3: But she uh just made it.
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  Speaker 4: A priority, you know, and and didn't quash any excitement
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  Speaker 4: about it, Like always took me to bookstores the library,
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  Speaker 4: like I always had a book in my hand. Always
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: encouraged me to read. And she loved to read too.
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  Speaker 4: That's why I stole some of her romance novels. Got
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: to the story part, you know. But yeah, so I
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: think it was just I mean from the start, like
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: as soon as I could read, I just fell in
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  Speaker 4: love with words, Like I just felt like it was magic,
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  Speaker 4: Like you know, you could just transport yourself to a
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: different place. And how what what an incredible force that is?
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  Speaker 3: That's amazing it is.
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  Speaker 2: I love your mom for that because I did that
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: with my kids and they still read to this day. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: But my aunt, my aunt, one of my aunts was
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: an elementary school teacher. So reading was like you go
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: read in this house.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, but it wasn't.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: It wasn't in a forceful way. She always made it
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: like a happy place. Yeah, you go pick out the
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: book you want me to read to you, you pick
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: out your books. So yes, we all got the experience
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: the things that we wanted to experience. And so I'm
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: a reading program at the library for our family. It
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: was like a competition.
• 11:06
  Speaker 4: Yeah, of course, exactly right, right, who's gonna get that
• 11:10
  Speaker 4: free pizza where we're all working on?
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  Speaker 2: I love that though, and I think, how do you believe? Like,
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: what do you uh think as far as literacy is concerned,
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: how important is it to start at home first?
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: Oh? It's so important.
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  Speaker 4: I mean, you know, we I think sometimes we forget
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  Speaker 4: how how much kids look up to.
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: Us, and not.
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: Just what we say, but what we do. So I think,
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: you know, reading in front of your kids is important.
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: Reading to your kids is important, but also showing that
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  Speaker 4: you read too, you know, is really really important. Uh,
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: you know, because the love of language, the love of words,
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: it's it's so important, and I think becoming more important
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: now that we've got you know, AI on the horizon.
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: And some people are saying, eventually we might not even
• 11:59
  Speaker 4: read books, and.
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  Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, no, right, like no, we should. We
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: should all keep reading.
• 12:05
  Speaker 4: Like that's it would be like, you know, saying don't
• 12:08
  Speaker 4: watch movies ever again. That would be sad too, you know,
• 12:12
  Speaker 4: I mean the escapism of it, the the learning that
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: we do about other other cultures, other people, other you know.
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: My favorite quote is, you know, a reader lives, you know,
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: thousands of lifetimes because we you know, pick up that
• 12:27
  Speaker 4: book and we are in transported to another world, another time,
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: another planet sometimes, you know.
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: But yeah, it starts at home.
• 12:35
  Speaker 4: You're so right, It's very important, like that's that's where
• 12:38
  Speaker 4: the love begins.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: I think I believe so too, totally understand and I agree.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: I agree with you kind you don't love this conversations?
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: Thank you for me? How did you know where we're
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: part of your life's purpose? Yeah?
• 12:54
  Speaker 4: You know, I very like, really quickly after I started reading,
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: I was I was wanting to write, like I just
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: wanted to write, like, uh, because I loved.
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: The stories I was reading.
• 13:06
  Speaker 4: But I was also like, I could try this, I
• 13:08
  Speaker 4: could try to create my own world. And what a
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: heady feeling that is when you create characters and a
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: universe and you can move them around like dolls in
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: a dollhouse. I mean, uh, I just I just loved it.
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: I think one of my first tries was like a
• 13:26
  Speaker 4: fantasy world of unicorns and uh, you know, all all
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: of the things like a ten year old girl loves
• 13:33
  Speaker 4: you know, magic and princesses and you know, all of
• 13:38
  Speaker 4: that good stuff. But yeah, I always love storytelling. I
• 13:44
  Speaker 4: always wanted to do it. I uh, you know, in college,
• 13:50
  Speaker 4: I was like, I'm going to be a novelist, Like
• 13:51
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna write fiction. And my my very career minded
• 13:56
  Speaker 4: Japanese American dad is like, but what are you going
• 13:59
  Speaker 4: to do for money?
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: Though?
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: But I mean, we love you, but you're not coming
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: back home.
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: Go make a living. What are you going to do?
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and I said, well, how about journalism.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: That's you know, it's words, it's writing.
• 14:14
  Speaker 4: So I worked at the student newspaper and then that
• 14:18
  Speaker 4: was the job I got out of college as a
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: newspaper reporter, and then transitioned over to marketing writing and
• 14:26
  Speaker 4: wrote my first novel while I was, you know, employed
• 14:29
  Speaker 4: as a marketing writer for a hospital network, and that
• 14:33
  Speaker 4: became I Do But I Don't. That was a lifetime
• 14:36
  Speaker 4: movie and just sort of started my career as a
• 14:39
  Speaker 4: fiction writer. Now, of course, my dad's very excited about
• 14:43
  Speaker 4: my fiction career.
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: Now He's like, oh, it does pay the bills.
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: That's great, right right. I mean, but I understand. I
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: understand because my parents is like, okay, you know, but yeah,
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: I get it. And I'm glad that you have a
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: support system because now everybody has that.
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: So oh yeah, and my dad, by the way, is
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: my biggest fan. He it doesn't matter how Steemy the
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: romance novelist, he'll be he'll be handing it out to
• 15:06
  Speaker 4: his friends, he'll be posting it on Facebook. He's he's
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: he's a proud papa, so like you know, he's he's
• 15:12
  Speaker 4: It's so funny because he's like, you know, a retired
• 15:15
  Speaker 4: like doctor, but he's you know, you can't read this
• 15:17
  Speaker 4: romance novel from Harlequin.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: You know, my dad wrote that you should.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't wrote that.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: I love it. I love it. Has there ever been
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: a time that words failed you? When? And how did
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: you push through?
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 15:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, m you know, I think I think it. We're
• 15:39
  Speaker 4: you know, I've always been a voracious writer and reader,
• 15:43
  Speaker 4: but words do sometimes fail. And I think, you know,
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: specifically for me, you know, going through difficult, very very
• 15:50
  Speaker 4: difficult times.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: Uh you know, I.
• 15:54
  Speaker 4: I specifically like when I was in my early thirties,
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: my very first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, and you know,
• 16:04
  Speaker 4: I was trying to to you know, start a new book,
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: and I just couldn't, you know. I mean, I think
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: grief is such an overwhelming thing. It does what it
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: wants when it wants, and it did not want me
• 16:18
  Speaker 4: to write, you know.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, So.
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: It took me a long while to sort of get
• 16:26
  Speaker 4: get back to it. And in many ways, like getting
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: back to writing, you know, offers such a healing thing too.
• 16:35
  Speaker 4: Once you can do it, you know, you can't always
• 16:37
  Speaker 4: do it right. Away, and I would say show yourself
• 16:39
  Speaker 4: a lot of grace because sometimes you need that time away,
• 16:43
  Speaker 4: you know, sometimes you just need to, you know, try
• 16:47
  Speaker 4: to get your feet on the ground again before you
• 16:49
  Speaker 4: can create a world.
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, with other things.
• 16:53
  Speaker 4: So yeah, and you know, when I was diagnosed with
• 16:57
  Speaker 4: breast cancer, the opposite happened. I was journaling every day.
• 17:01
  Speaker 4: I was, you know, writing down all those fears, you know,
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: all the time. So I think it just depends on
• 17:07
  Speaker 4: what's going on in your life. I think grief is
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: a hard one though.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it is. And I stepped away for a while
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: too because of the same thing. Like life happens, and
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: sometimes you just don't have it in you. And it's
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: okay to take that time. Anyone who is listening, It's
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: okay to take the time to pour into yourself because
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: sometimes you just don't have it to give to others. Yeah,
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: And my healing journey, I had to realize that I
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: was carrying other people's pain. So it wasn't until I
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: let go of their pain that my healing started to blossom.
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And I'm so glad you did.
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: And I'm so glad you mentioned that too, because it's
• 17:46
  Speaker 4: it's so true of so many of us because we
• 17:48
  Speaker 4: are caregivers, because we take care of others, and sometimes
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: we take on other people's pain and grief and worry
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: and we don't even sort through our own, you know,
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: and that can that can blindside us quite quite often. So,
• 18:03
  Speaker 4: and you're right, taking the time is important. And even
• 18:05
  Speaker 4: more than that, that that time of healing gives you
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: that perspective that you need as a writer, because that's
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: the most important thing life experience and perspective in your writing.
• 18:17
  Speaker 4: And so while you're living life, sometimes you have to
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: put writing on hold.
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: It's true.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely so. Carry you've written over thirty five books. Yeah,
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: long comes to young adult fiction. Yes, how does one
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: go from meet cutes and happy endings to double misachtamy
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: and chemo and CEO? Keep it funny?
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: I know, I know it's a challenge. It's not easy.
• 18:47
  Speaker 4: It's not easy, But I would say, I mean, humor
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: is also a big part of my life.
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: I love humor.
• 18:53
  Speaker 4: I use it to cheer myself up. I use it
• 18:56
  Speaker 4: to deflect things I don't want to talk about. I
• 19:00
  Speaker 4: use it in self defense, you know. So I love humor.
• 19:06
  Speaker 4: Sometimes it's harder to find in others, especially in serious moments.
• 19:10
  Speaker 4: But I would also say that humor really is your
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: best defense against some of the worst things that happen
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: in life, you know, because with cancer came all of
• 19:23
  Speaker 4: that overwhelming fear, just paralyzing flight or fright or freeze,
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: fear of you know, my life might end much sooner
• 19:33
  Speaker 4: than I want. There might be very painful things happening.
• 19:36
  Speaker 4: You know, how am I going to deal with this?
• 19:38
  Speaker 4: And I think humor helps steal back fear's power, you know,
• 19:44
  Speaker 4: And if you can laugh at something, it's not nearly
• 19:47
  Speaker 4: as scary as if you can't.
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: Making fun of something can help quite a lot.
• 19:53
  Speaker 4: And I was so lucky in that my partner, my husband, PJ,
• 19:58
  Speaker 4: is just so amazing, uh and keeps me laughing at
• 20:02
  Speaker 4: just the right moments, like he really, uh you know,
• 20:07
  Speaker 4: took it upon himself to to try to find humor
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: where we could, and you know, so I I think
• 20:14
  Speaker 4: I could see the bright side, largely because of him,
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: but also because I was looking for it. You know,
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: you have to in dark moments, you have to like
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: look harder for joyful things because they're still there. They're
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: just you know, hidden in the shadows sometimes, So we
• 20:32
  Speaker 4: have to just you know, search a little harder and
• 20:36
  Speaker 4: and and try to find them.
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: I don't know about you.
• 20:38
  Speaker 4: I mean, I'm sure you know sometimes joy feels like
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: it's slipping through your fingers.
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: I don't know if that makes sense.
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: It does. I love that you talk about it, because
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: sometimes John is always there, but like he says, just
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: hiding in the in the shadows, just waiting. Hey, I'm here.
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: Wait, I'm here. Find something, find something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: And sometimes it could be very small. I think I
• 20:59
  Speaker 4: think we should celebrate the small things too. That's that's
• 21:02
  Speaker 4: one of the things I learned through chemo therapy. Chemo
• 21:05
  Speaker 4: therapy was you know, not fun. Lost all my hair,
• 21:09
  Speaker 4: was nauseous a lot of the time. I had to
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: give up coffee, which is my.
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: Literal favorite thing in the morning.
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: It just upset my stomach too much, like even you know,
• 21:19
  Speaker 4: And that was the thing. I mean, my my my
• 21:22
  Speaker 4: kids and friends. I'll give me like coffee, sweatshirts and coffee,
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: you know, coffee lover, caffeine drip, you know, all of
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: those things.
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: And I had to give.
• 21:30
  Speaker 4: It up, and I you know, it was like like
• 21:34
  Speaker 4: it just was amazing how that small thing, you know,
• 21:38
  Speaker 4: out of my life was like just such a joysucker.
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: Like I was like, oh, no, no coffee, Like and
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: you would think like all the the losing the hair
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: and the other thing. No, it was the coffee. It's like,
• 21:49
  Speaker 4: you're kidding me with this. So I had to like
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: find some herbal teas, which sounds really sad, but there
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: are some really good herbal teas out there, and there's
• 21:59
  Speaker 4: time and there's some yeah, and there's some other things
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: that you know. I was like, oh, this is really good. Actually,
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: you know, I really do like this. So finding some
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: replacements and then when the coffee came back, what a reunion.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: Like a long lost true love, you know.
• 22:20
  Speaker 4: So yeah, so sometimes it's harder to find joy, but
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: it's still there.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: It's still there.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, right, it is. I believe that it is. And
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: I'm glad that you say that because someone needed to
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: hear that. So anyone who is listening, who is who
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: is going through their own dark times, Yeah, look to
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: the shadows a little bit. Joy is there. Joy's there there,
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: you know, Grace is there, Kindness is there. We just
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: have to look a little deeper.
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you may have.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: To put a little glasses on and just you know, yeah,
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: a flashlight exactly. All right, So we're moving into all
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: that other ship. We're talking about books and bread cancer.
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: There's no good book for this, but I wrote one. Anyway,
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: Let's talk about that. How did that come about? And
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: when did you know that that was something that you
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: wanted to put out for the world to have some
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: type of reference.
• 23:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, I mean I mentioned I'd been doing
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: so much journaling, just pouring out all those emotions, and
• 23:22
  Speaker 4: you know, I did that through the whole the whole process,
• 23:24
  Speaker 4: the whole sixteen months of treatment. And you know, a
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: good friend of mine, actually I was brought up the idea,
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: She's like, you know, you really should write a book.
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: You really should make this a book. Like you know,
• 23:37
  Speaker 4: you're you're an accomplished writer, you know how to write.
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: You should you should write this experience because it's just happening,
• 23:44
  Speaker 4: you know, to so many people. And unfortunately it's true,
• 23:47
  Speaker 4: like breast cancer rates, you know, are are.
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: Rising, and especially.
• 23:54
  Speaker 4: Asian American women are some of the highest among all
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: different racial groups of new cancer. Because it's unfortunately, you know,
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: just on the rise for everyone.
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: And so we should all.
• 24:05
  Speaker 4: Get our mammograms when we can by the way, right, yes,
• 24:10
  Speaker 4: everyone get your mammograms. Early detection is key, especially for
• 24:14
  Speaker 4: women of color. I'll get off my soapbox, but so
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: you know, I felt like there wasn't a book out
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: there that talked about the emotional journey of cancer and
• 24:26
  Speaker 4: how humor can help you and how you know, looking
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: for joy in those dark places might help you. So
• 24:33
  Speaker 4: I decided to write a book as if your best
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: friend were telling you the truth of what's going on.
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: So it's a little it's a little salty, it's a
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: little sarcastic.
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: But it's also very hopeful.
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: Every every chapter ends in a pep talk, which I
• 24:46
  Speaker 4: think we could all all use, regardless of what we're
• 24:49
  Speaker 4: going through. So yeah, I just I just decided that
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: I thought it could help. You know, if I could
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: help one person feel like they could you know whether
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: this journey, than it would be worth it.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: I agree, And I love how every chapter ends with
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: the pep talk.
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: Sometimes we meet that like, yes, yes.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: That is an amazing idea. How did that come about?
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: I mean, you know, I first of all, like when
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: I when I went to my first chemotherapy treatment, I
• 25:23
  Speaker 4: told my husband, who's also like a little league soccer coach.
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, I'm gonna need a pep talk, like
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna.
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: Like, I'm scared, like I don't want to go, like
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: I you know, I kind of want to, Like again,
• 25:34
  Speaker 4: how much is that?
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: How much is that fair to Australia? Can I get there?
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: Can I just get there and you know, deal with
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: everything later.
• 25:43
  Speaker 4: And he's like okay, and so on the way in
• 25:46
  Speaker 4: the car, you know, I was expecting a very somber,
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: solemn moment, like Okay, this is going to be serious,
• 25:54
  Speaker 4: and he just starts hooping and hollering and he's like, yeah.
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: Let's go get him.
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: Let's go get him like a coach, like a coach,
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: you know, And I started laughing. I'm like, why are
• 26:04
  Speaker 4: we so excited about going to chemotherapy?
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: And he's like, well, you need.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: A pep talk.
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: That's pep talk. Let's go, let's go kick its butt,
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: let's do it.
• 26:13
  Speaker 4: And so after that he just there's a whole bunch
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: of series of silly pep talks, but also you know,
• 26:21
  Speaker 4: uplifting pep talks too, so and it it underscored for
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: me the fact that as adults we don't get the
• 26:27
  Speaker 4: pep talks, like we're not most of us aren't in
• 26:29
  Speaker 4: team sports. We're not getting you know, pep talks. We're
• 26:32
  Speaker 4: not you know, getting that like a little boost of
• 26:36
  Speaker 4: encouragement we need and you know we all we all
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: need it. Like Navy seals are trained to give themselves
• 26:42
  Speaker 4: pep talks, so if they need it, then the rest
• 26:45
  Speaker 4: of us should should give ourselves pep talks too. So
• 26:49
  Speaker 4: so yeah, that's where the idea came from.
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: I love this shut out he also, I know, I.
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: Know he's he is the absolute best. He's literally the best.
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: Right, Okay, why wor does matter as much as medicine?
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: Like every chapter we know you said and is in
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: a pep talk? What's one? What's one pep top you'll
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: give someone who just got their news from their doctor.
• 27:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I would say, first of all, cancer doesn't get
• 27:19
  Speaker 4: to decide. So that's that's the first thing that anybody
• 27:23
  Speaker 4: who's going through this needs to know, because it feels
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: like cancer just busts into your life, turns everything upside down,
• 27:29
  Speaker 4: knocks over all the tables and chairs, decides it's in charge.
• 27:32
  Speaker 4: You know, now you're you're at its whim. But cancer
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: doesn't get to decide. You still get to decide what
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: treatment you get, what doctors you see, if you get
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: treatment at all. I mean, this is it's your it's
• 27:43
  Speaker 4: your choice. So the first thing I would tell people
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: is cancer doesn't get to decide. And then the very
• 27:51
  Speaker 4: second thing I would I would tell people is you
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: are so much stronger than you think you are.
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: You are so much stronger.
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: Like when you are when you feel like you're done,
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: you're only forty percent there, You've got You've got a
• 28:05
  Speaker 4: lot more in the tank than you give yourself credit for.
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: So just take a deep breath, you know, one day
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: at a time, and there's just no way but through.
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: But you'll make it. You'll get there.
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: There is no way but through.
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: There's no way but through. Yes, Yes, I love it. Yeah, Yeah,
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: I spent I spent a lot of Yeah, I spent
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: a lot.
• 28:27
  Speaker 4: Of time trying to convince myself I could get that
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: plane ticket, I could go around. Maybe I didn't need this,
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: Maybe I didn't need that. There's a lot of bargaining until
• 28:35
  Speaker 4: I just got to acceptance, and there's no way but through.
• 28:38
  Speaker 4: Sometimes you don't have to you don't have to go through.
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: Pretty you don't have to be a gazelle, you just
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: have to get through.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. I love it. Okay, so let's talk about what
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: not to say, because yeah, I have been the way
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: I wanted to just slap somebody, Yeah, saying like not
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: to meet. Well, I've had somebody say some crazy stuff
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: to me too when I was going through something. But
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: listening to what they say for other to other people, Yeah,
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: like what has been the cringiest, our most unhelpful things
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: someone is said to you doing your treatment? Like what?
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 29:14
  Speaker 4: You know, I really think it's along the lines of
• 29:17
  Speaker 4: like everything happens for a reason. It's the same with
• 29:19
  Speaker 4: like God has a plan and this is God's plan.
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: Well, I mean this.
• 29:22
  Speaker 4: Sounds like a terrible plan, then I do, right, yeah, yeah,
• 29:27
  Speaker 4: because it's uh And I think it's because those platitudes
• 29:31
  Speaker 4: really try to make the speaker feel better.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 29:34
  Speaker 4: It's about it's about them thinking, oh, something terrible has happened,
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: but it's all gonna be okay. We'll all have a
• 29:39
  Speaker 4: reason for it. There's there's got to be something good
• 29:41
  Speaker 4: that comes out of it, you know. But the person
• 29:44
  Speaker 4: in it is like, what do you mean it sounds
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: like you're glad I got cancer. You're saying, congrats I
• 29:51
  Speaker 4: have cancer. That's terrible, Like what are you saying?
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: So?
• 29:54
  Speaker 4: I mean, you know I've said boneheaded things. I mean
• 29:58
  Speaker 4: we're human, like you know, always sometimes you say the
• 30:01
  Speaker 4: wrong thing just because you're shocked and you just rely
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: on a platitude that comes into your head. But I
• 30:07
  Speaker 4: think if we all made a better effort to do
• 30:10
  Speaker 4: more listening and less like dismissing of you know, what's
• 30:15
  Speaker 4: going on. So I encourage everyone just to ask curious questions,
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: you know, like, oh, I can't imagine how that feels.
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: How are you feeling?
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: Fine? Great thing to say, right.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: Exactly, Just ask how you're feeling, like how are you doing?
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, how are you feeling?
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: Genuine thing that you could say, and it's a conversation starter.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: You give the person that's sitting in that reality a
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: chance to let you become a part of it with them.
• 30:43
  Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, because I think honestly, that's what anyone going
• 30:47
  Speaker 4: through a difficult time wants because it feels so isolating,
• 30:50
  Speaker 4: like I'm having this horrible thing happen to me, and
• 30:53
  Speaker 4: a lot of people just they don't have the bandwidth
• 30:57
  Speaker 4: to deal with it, or they're too scared themselves to
• 30:59
  Speaker 4: deal with it because this brings up things that scare them.
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: So they'd rather like pity and pivot.
• 31:04
  Speaker 4: They'd rather like, oh, I'm so sorry, can we talk
• 31:06
  Speaker 4: about something else?
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Pivot?
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah.
• 31:13
  Speaker 4: So just like sitting in the moment with someone and
• 31:17
  Speaker 4: letting them steer the conversation is a gift. It's a
• 31:22
  Speaker 4: gift because it's uncomfortable for you. But trust me, they're
• 31:25
  Speaker 4: having a worse time.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, yeah, absolutely. Oh so this has been amazing. Thank
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: you again for being here. Before we get out of here,
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: what takeaways do you want your readers to get from
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: your books?
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I would like people to know that anyone, anyone
• 31:46
  Speaker 4: can be a warrior. You know, when I when I
• 31:49
  Speaker 4: was first diagnosed, people are like, oh, you're a fighter,
• 31:52
  Speaker 4: You've got it, And I'm like, I am a pacifist.
• 31:55
  Speaker 4: I hate conflict. I like to garden in my free time.
• 31:58
  Speaker 4: I am not a fighter fighting weeds. I don't like
• 32:03
  Speaker 4: what no, yeah, like are you me?
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: No?
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: So, But it's a journey. It's a journey.
• 32:11
  Speaker 4: It's it's also finding out what's important to you and
• 32:14
  Speaker 4: and dealing with the fear and you know, uh, squaring
• 32:20
  Speaker 4: up to do hard things, but we can all do it,
• 32:23
  Speaker 4: like we we all have it in us to do
• 32:28
  Speaker 4: hard things, to triumph over difficulties, you know, to face
• 32:33
  Speaker 4: our fears. I'm not special, I am not unique. I
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: am not you know, a superhero. Anyone can do this,
• 32:42
  Speaker 4: like anyone can face something difficult and come out stronger
• 32:46
  Speaker 4: and better on the other side. So I would just
• 32:49
  Speaker 4: encourage everyone you know to to face those fears, to
• 32:54
  Speaker 4: do those hard things. You can do it, like you
• 32:56
  Speaker 4: really can't absolutely.
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: So what makes for you what you have coming out?
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: Do you have anything that you can share what's coming
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: for twenty twenty six? Yeah?
• 33:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm actually really excited. I'm back to writing Happily
• 33:11
  Speaker 4: ever afters and fiction. But my my next book is
• 33:16
  Speaker 4: a mystery rom com. So it's sort of like if
• 33:20
  Speaker 4: you like only murders in the building, but you wish
• 33:22
  Speaker 4: there were more romance in it.
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: Uh.
• 33:24
  Speaker 4: This book is called kiss Mary Kill, so uh. It's
• 33:27
  Speaker 4: about a failed podcaster who points the finger at the
• 33:31
  Speaker 4: wrong suspect, ends up having to go home to her
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: small resort town and the killer may follow her home there.
• 33:39
  Speaker 4: I'm not saying she may be dating the killer as well.
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: You know, We're just gonna have to read the book
• 33:44
  Speaker 4: to find out.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: So I love that, you know I write, I write
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: psychological thrillers and yeah, yeah all about that. I love that.
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: I cannot wait to read that. Make sure you maybe
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: you can will to talk about it when you.
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, I would love that. I would love to come.
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: I can talk about it.
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: It's a date. We're gonna get it to perfect perfect,
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: all right, son? How can listeners connect with you? Where
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: do you hang out on social media? Website? All the things?
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: Let us know?
• 34:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so you can find me at karatheauthor dot com.
• 34:14
  Speaker 4: That's Kara with the C karatheauthor dot com. It has
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: all my social media handles on Instagram and uh everywhere
• 34:23
  Speaker 4: that I am. So you can you can connect with
• 34:25
  Speaker 4: me there and or drop me a line anytime.
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, it hasn't been amazing. What last words, thoughts, motivation
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: or anything that you would like to share with the
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: readers today before we say goodbye?
• 34:38
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I would say, you know, I would say,
• 34:42
  Speaker 4: you can do this, you can do this.
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: You'll you think you can't do it, but you can.
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. You guys heard it here. Kara, thank you for
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: coming to keep with me today. It has been an amazing, amazing,
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: you're one of my top five. Hey, hey, each like
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: each episode gets a little bit is just when we
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: talk about books and words, they just have more meaning
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: to me. And now for being here, for writing and
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: being a lover of words like myself, it is always
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: a pleasure and an honor to meet fellow authors. Much
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: continued success for you. Keep doing what you're supposed to
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: do and keep showing up and going through life. It's
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: don't happen. I mean, it's better than the altern that
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: we all know that.
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: But that's right, that's right. Yes, Well, thank you so much.
• 35:28
  Speaker 4: Thank you for all the great work you're doing for
• 35:30
  Speaker 4: words on this podcast.
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: It's amazing.
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much. And you guys have been listening
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: to another episode of kicking a Wikiki Life, Love and
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: all that other shit. I am back with a new
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: episode on Thursdays all major streaming platforms as well as YouTube.
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: So go ahead and tell a friend and we can
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: all be friends until next time. Hus Later on, he
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: came up with two t