Latest / Calvary Church with Ed Taylor Podcast / #24470 - Handling Personal Conflicts Biblically - Acts 15:36-41 & Matthew 18:1-20

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#24470 - Handling Personal Conflicts Biblically - Acts 15:36-41 & Matthew 18:1-20 · Calvary Church with Ed Taylor Podcast

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Welcome to the Study of God's Word with pastor and author Ed
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Taylor recorded live at Calvary Church in Aurora, Co To learn
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more about the many resources available through Abounding
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Grace Media or to tune into our live stream services, visit us
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online at Calvary, Co dot Church or download our free Calvary
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Church app. Now here's Pastor Ed to take us
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into our study. Amen.
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Open your Bibles acts. Chapter. 15 and if you want.
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To get ahead also. We'll be in Matthew chapter 18,
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so Acts chapter 15 and Matthew chapter 18 and I've entitled our
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Bible. Study today.
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Handling your personal conflicts.
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Biblically, that is God's will for your.
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Life and mine for us to handle our personal conflicts.
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Biblically, because this church, the church, really any church,
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is. Filled with normal, ordinary
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people who sometimes don't see eye to eye.
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Churches are. Filled with normal, ordinary.
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People that deal with their flesh.
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And deal with sin. Issues churches are.
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Very messy places. I mean, you can.
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Compare a church to like a hospital to like a.
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An ER, an emergency room where people rush in, hurting and
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bleeding, with open gaping wounds.
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And the doctors and the nurses and the.
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Folks, there they go to. Bring help, but it's very very
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messy and so much so it's true in the.
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Church, spiritually, it's a. Very messy.
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Place and so difficulties arise. Among us, it's been said to
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live. Above with the.
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Saints we love will, certainly. Be glory but to live below.
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With the Saints we know well, that's a different story.
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And it's true. To be able to live.
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With one another. Especially as the Bible
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describes. Us as a family, because we all
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have families and all of our families have issues.
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We all have them. And in the church, because
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there's spiritual connections, because sometimes our
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relationships in the church can be even closer than our blood
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relatives, it makes disagreements and difficulties
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all the much more difficult that it makes them.
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Harder, they hurt Deeper. They intensify and it's
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important as we look. At today's Bible study.
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That we grasp the principles like the Bible.
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Study today, if you will grasp. The simplicity of the Bible.
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Study today. You will use it the rest of your
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life. Now I I.
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Believe that for every Bible study, that is.
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Taught here from the pulpit, but this one in.
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Particular this is a very. Practical one it it's so simple,
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they can easily. Be overlooked but the.
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Principles you're going to learn today have been so overlooked
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that the church is hurting. As a result.
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The Kingdom is not being. Progressed.
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In such. A way that it could.
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Because there's so much division among us and so many unresolved
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difficulties and so many things among us that are small, but
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they end up getting so much bigger because you don't handle
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them properly. Because we don't.
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Obey the word of God. And it's important that you
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grasp. What's about to be shared with
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you today? Because.
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Once you begin to apply this, you're going to sign, you're
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going to find victory in your life.
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You're going to see so many more open doors that are going to be.
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Available to you because you're. Seeking to do the right thing,
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so important. Now let me give you a principle
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right out of the right out of the gate when it comes to.
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Difficulties with other people. If you can grasp this, it'll put
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you so much far ahead with other people.
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And it's this when there are offenses and.
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Difficulties with people. Learn this principle, you ready.
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Learn to take things spiritual and not personal because you
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know how it is. When we take things personally
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and we get all bent out of shape and we find ourselves like, oh
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man, I'm easily offended and I'm I'm just everything is personal,
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everything is about me. But when I learned that my life
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is first and foremost spiritual, when I take things spiritually
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instead of personally, I'm reminded.
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That the call to follow Jesus. Is to die to myself.
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When I die to myself take up my cross, I.
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Follow Christ. I can learn to take my issues to
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the Lord and then resolve them. With others if you're a.
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Person that takes things personally all the time.
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I would. Suspect that you have a lot of
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unresolved issues in your life because you haven't taken them
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to the Lord and you need to learn to take things to the
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Lord. Now I have to say, some
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disagreements in the Church are necessary.
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There are definitely doctrinal things that you must take a
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stand on, or perhaps even applicational things of how we
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not only. Orthodoxy, but also orthopraxy.
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How? We not just.
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What we believe but how we practice what we believe.
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You got to take some stands for sure, but what I'm about to.
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Share with you today. Is more on the personal level,
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the personal offences, the things.
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Where we rub each. Other the wrong way or we may
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say something or we may do something and instead of
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resolving it. We just let it go or we?
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Pretend it didn't, or we become very bitter and upset and
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bitterness is going to. Destroy you.
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Bitterness is going to destroy you.
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You want to be careful to resolve things properly,
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spiritually and. Quickly because all if.
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You don't all sorts of. Ugly will grow.
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Inside of you. All the way to the.
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Place where you become a very bitter person and I believe.
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There are a few bitter. People among us, for sure in A.
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Group this size or people. Listening in from a distance,
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bitterness is certainly among us.
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Bitterness is more popular and more common than you would
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realize. You know, bitterness is like bad
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breath. Everybody knows you are.
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Except you. Everybody knows you got it, but
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you're not willing to admit it and it's not God's will for.
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Your life at all, he. Doesn't want you bound up with
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bitterness. The Bible actually warns us in
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Hebrews chapter 12. In verse 15 it says looking
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carefully lest anyone fall. Short of the grace of.
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God, lest any root of bitterness springing up, cause trouble, and
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by. This.
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Many have become defiled and it spreads and what we all have to
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deal. With it.
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And I think in a quiet moment, perhaps as you're in your devo
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life or you're praying, there's a part of you that says I don't
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want to be. This way either.
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It's a horrible, miserable way to live your life.
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You do defile other people. People do avoid you.
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They don't want to be around that, and the Bible says no,
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there's a solution to it, especially with interpersonal
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problems. There is a.
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Solution that God will honor. Now, as you step into this, it's
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also important to recognize that sometimes, as you attempt to
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resolve personal conflict, you're not able to.
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You come to an impasse. And when you come to an impasse,
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it's important that you decide to move on, no longer
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perpetuating the argument or fighting, or like beating a dead
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horse. It is important sometimes, not
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all the time, and certainly not the first option, but it's
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important to move on and you go, Ed, where do you see that?
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Well, notice with me in Acts chapter 15.
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You'll remember at the end of Acts 15.
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It's a glorious chapter. They had a church council.
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They came to the right solution. It's the grace of God.
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You were saved by grace. We're kept by grace we'll be.
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Glorified by grace. It's not by circumcision.
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It's not by keeping the law. They came to the right
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conclusion. The solution brought joy to
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everyone and after. A few days.
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Paul and Barnabas like let's go back and encourage the churches
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that we planted. Pick up with me in verse 36.
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Now Acts chapter 15. Then after some days, Paul said
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to Barnabas. Let us now go back and visit our
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brethren in every. City where we have preached the
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word of the Lord. And see how they're doing now,
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Mark. These words we've already
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studied. This in depth, so if you're
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brand new to our study in Acts. All these studies are available,
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so I've already dealt with these words.
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And laid it out. Before, but just by way of
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review. Here notice in verse 37 Barnabas
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was determined. He was determined to take with
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them. John called Mark but Paul notice
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insisted. So you got a one man that's
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determined and the other man that's insisting and notice Paul
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says no, we're not going to take him.
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Verse 38 The one who had departed from them in Pamphylia
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and had not gone with them to the work.
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Then this determination on one side and insistence on the other
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side. Notice it's described as a.
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Contention. Or a.
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Disagreement. A strong disagreement and it
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says. Then the contention became.
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So sharp that they parted. From one another.
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And so Barnabas took Mark and sailed to Cypress, and Paul took
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Silas and departed, being commended by the brethren to the
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grace of God, and he went through Syria, Silesia,
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strengthening the churches. This difficulty wasn't able to
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be. Resolved, So they departed.
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And they continued the work of the ministry.
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This isn't God's best. God's best is always.
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Reconciliation and Unity How beautiful it is Psalm 133 for
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brethren to be together in unity.
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That's God's best. Unfortunately, we don't always
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get. God's best.
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He's going to work all things together for the good Romans,
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chapter 8, verse 28. But we don't always.
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Get God's best, but we. Don't want to continue and
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perpetuate this contention. It's time to move on, and
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instead of 1 missionary journey, we now have two missionary
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journeys and as they moved on, you.
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Give space for the Holy Spirit to work.
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And we know later on that Paul changed his mind somehow because
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he reconciled with John Mark and something changed, but it gave
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some time instead of sitting there digging in your.
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Heels. Fight, fight, fight When.
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You come to an impasse. You need to.
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Appropriate what? The Bible.
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Says as much as is. Possible live at.
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Peace with all men so as much as you can, because sometimes
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difficulties can't be resolved because one or.
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Both of the parties. Aren't repentant, and we learned
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this with the topic of forgiveness.
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It's important that we. Always forgive but.
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Reconciliation is not possible if the offending party doesn't
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repent, doesn't admit they've done anything, doesn't change
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their behavior. What?
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What it One of the. Ways I like to describe.
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That in a. Silly way is that.
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If you were next to me and I slapped you in the face and then
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I said, well, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry to slap in your face
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and your response is, well, I forgive you.
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Kind of weird. Pastor, but I forgive you.
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And then we're still standing there, and I take my other one
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and it'll slap you in the face. And I'm like I don't need an
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illustration about turning the other.
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Cheek Pastor. Oh, I'm so sorry.
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I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me.
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I slapped you and it. Is OK for you to take a step
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backwards? From me, not in the pulpit, but
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you can take a step backwards and you can I.
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Forgive you bro, but like. I got to be in a place where you
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can't hit me anymore, and the only way that I can come close
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to you again is by not hitting you anymore.
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That's where we reconcile. You guys with me so far?
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Repentance would be I. Stop it.
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And when I stop it, we can come together again and we can be.
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Closer, but if the behavior perpetuates, there's a.
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Distance, that's built up. It doesn't mean we don't
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forgive. Forgiveness releases us from the
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debt that's owed us, and we live in forgiveness.
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Day after day. But you don't have to.
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Subject yourself. It's like, well, I'll just stand
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here and keep taking. No, no, you take a step.
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Backwards so I. Can't continue this
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relationship. The way it is.
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Because what you're doing is wrong and you're not willing to
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change. So reconciliation requires
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repentance. And when there's no reckon, when
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no repentance, you've got to move on.
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And do what? God's called you to.
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Do with hope and prayer that perhaps one.
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Day there will be real. Change.
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If you don't, then that's. Where the seed bed of.
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Holding grudges and resentment and frustrations and anger and
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ultimately bitterness takes root.
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The enemy loves this stuff. The enemy of our.
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Souls the devil loves to. Fish in troubled waters, so he.
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Troubles the waters all. The time.
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Stirs it all up little. Offences, Big offences, saying,
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you know, we all say things we didn't mean to say, we getting
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into someone else's business and we don't belong in their
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business and on and on it goes. And the way out is to follow the
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principles. Today, but before we get.
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There, let's ask the question, where does this all come from?
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Like where does this. Where?
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Where does this tension come from?
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Where? Do all these issues.
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Come from well, notice with me. Hold your places here in Acts.
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Actually you don't need Acts anymore.
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Turn over to James Chapter 4, James Chapter 4.
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The same question is asked by James in the Bible here and he
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answers it. Very clearly all of this.
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Stuff, unresolved conflict and things among us right now, all
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of it comes because you're selfish, and I'm selfish.
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I lack humility. That's our problem.
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We get to a place where we lack. Humility.
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For a variety of. Reasons but notice in James
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chapter 4 and verse one. He says.
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Where do wars and fights come from among you?
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Do they not come from your? Desires for pleasure that war.
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In your members you lust and do not have.
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You murder and covet and cannot obtain.
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You fight and war, yet you do not have.
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Because you. Do not ask, You ask and you
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don't receive. Verse 3 because you ask.
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Amiss that you may spend it on your pleasures.
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Adulterers, adulteresses. Do you not know that friendship
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with the world is enmity with God?
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Therefore whoever wants to be a friend of the world makes
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himself an enemy of God? Or do you think that the
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Scripture says in vain? The Spirit who dwells in US
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yearns jealously, but he gives more.
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Grace. Therefore, he says, God resists
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the proud, but he gives grace. To the humble, therefore, submit
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to God. Resist the devil.
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And he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he'll draw
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near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners
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and. Purify your heart, you double.
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Minded, lament, and mourn and. Weep.
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Let your laughter be. Turned to mourning, and your joy
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to gloom, Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord and.
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He will lift you up, of course. These are all heart issues, all
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spiritual issues. You're not going around
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murdering and coveting in that way.
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Like, like physically. These are spiritual issues.
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These are hard issues. The.
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Reason why there's so much unresolved conflict is.
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Because our hearts. Are wrong before the Lord,
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captivating with pride and arrogance, taking advantage of
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one another, not drawing near to God living pridefully.
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And truth be told that if the enemy doesn't take down a whole.
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Church He'll destroy a few believers.
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Along the way with this and that is his goal.
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I don't know if you. Ever thought it?
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This way, and I don't want to be overly dramatic, but there's
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really no other way. To say this the devil.
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'S plan is to. Destroy this church.
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That's. What he wants to do.
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He would love for this piece of property to go back to the.
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Business, world. Or for this building to be torn
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down where literally thousands of people will no longer come
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here, no longer worship God, no longer have their lives changed?
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No. Longer see their kids grow.
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No longer. See the activity that is purely
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spiritual. Progressing the Kingdom no
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longer on this property. That's his end goal and if he
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doesn't get that, then he'll take a family here and he'll
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take a single there and he'll rip some kids off there along
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the way and one of the number one tools he uses through your
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pride and your arrogance. Is to divide.
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You from other? Believers, A divided church.
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Does not make progress for the Kingdom like it can.
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You. And me?
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I don't make progress for the Kingdom of God through my life
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when I am sinfully separated from other brothers and sisters.
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The number one way you and I are sinfully separated from other
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brothers and sisters is by not obeying the principles given to
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us in Matthew chapter 18. Would you turn there with me?
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Matthew chapter 18. God wants us to remain a place
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of worship, a community of the redeemed with an open door for
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those that need to enter into a relationship with Jesus.
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He wants us to walk in humility and resolve our conflicts.
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Matthew. Chapter. 18 I'm so.
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Grateful that Jesus would give. Us this instruction.
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You will use this the rest of your life.
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I hope you use it the rest of your life.
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I hope you see the. Fruit of Obedience replacing the
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nastiness of disobedience when it comes to interpersonal
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issues. Now, Matthew chapter 18 also
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kind of covers some church discipline issues toward the
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end, but you'll notice. The first step.
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Before anything ever happens with the.
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Church. What?
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What the 1st? Step is to resolve things
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between each other and so if you're taking notes, let me give
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you a few things to consider when it You could call this like
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Conflict Resolution 101. We're not going to go deep into
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it, but I'm going to give you enough where you can apply it in
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your life. You're going to get keys and
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principles to resolve conflict #1.
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This is the big. Picture #1.
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It's important that you cultivate an attitude of
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humility. Or you can just write down I
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need to be humble. I need to walk in humility.
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That's how the chapter starts. The context.
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The context is humility. It says in verse one at that
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time the disciples came to Jesus saying who then is the greatest
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in the Kingdom of heaven and Jesus.
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Called a little. Child to him, set him in the
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midst of them, and said. Assurely, I say to you.
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Unless you're converted and become as a little children, you
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will by no means enter the Kingdom of heaven.
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Therefore, whoever humbles himself.
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As this little child is the greatest.
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In the Kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives 1 little
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child like this and my name receives me humility.
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You got a visual of that today? I'm holding little William up
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here, and he's completely dependent upon me.
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He has no idea who I am. I mean, maybe he does.
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He knows my voice, hearing my voice in the womb, as his mom is
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here, sitting in the Bible, teaching over the nine months
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here, I mean to some. Degree.
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There is a perspective, perhaps, that he has.
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But he completely trusts me. He's just there, like.
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Looking at everybody he was. Tripped out by you guys, but.
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He trusts me. He was looking around everybody.
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It's like. Whoa.
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Do you see this every week, Pastor?
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Yes, I see this every week. Praise God.
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Praise God, but he's completely dependent upon me.
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He's not copping an attitude. He's not worried about paying
20:24
the mortgage. He's not.
20:25
He's just like, there, What am I doing up here?
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And then I give him a Bible and he's.
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Like, yes, I like this. I want this.
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He's simple, humble. I mean, come on.
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How? Far are we from that?
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Stressed out and. Worried, concerned.
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We all are. We need to get back to
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simplicity. Truly, that's what God's calling
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us to. That's what Jesus said.
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He says you want to be great. And I say, yeah, Lord, of course
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I do. Not great for my own name, but I
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want my life to matter for the Kingdom.
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Yes, yes, yes. Well, he says.
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Well, watch. This.
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And he brings a child over and he says, this is you want to be
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great. Here's greatness right here.
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This kiddo, he's right here. Right in front of you.
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This is. The pathway, It's the counter
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intuitiveness, isn't it, Of the Kingdom.
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We have this all throughout the Bible.
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You know, if you want to be great in God's Kingdom, what
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does Jesus say? You got to be the.
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Servant of all. The way up is really.
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Down and the way of humility is not to become more adult like,
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it's to become more childlike, not childish, but childlike.
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Full of trust. And wonder and innocence.
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Just. Trusting the Lord, as the baby
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did in my arms today. Just trusting and you.
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Go well, the baby. Doesn't even understand.
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Yeah, maybe we need to. Take a step back.
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And trust in the Lord. With all our heart.
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And lean not on our own understanding.
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Acknowledge him in all our ways and he'll direct our paths.
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This path. This pathway of humility is.
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Already got you so. Close to resolution, because
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your heart. Is right before the Lord.
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You're just trusting him with your life and all these
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difficulties and then notice. Notice Next he gives the warning
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about don't be messing with kids.
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Don't hurt kids, Don't abuse kids.
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Don't take advantage of. Kids, it'd be better, he says
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that a. Millstone Be hung around your
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neck. Like, kids are special.
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Watch. Them.
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Learn from them. Take care of them.
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Protect them. That's what humility does.
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Humility. Values What God values, Protects
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what God protects, guards what God guards.
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Cares for what? God cares.
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For humility, Not only that, in verses 11 through 14 then we
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have the humility of. The heart of Jesus.
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Coming to save. That which was lost verse. 11
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God coming in human flesh, humbling himself, according to
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Philippians, emptying himself with his divine prerogatives, to
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come and seek after men and women like you and me.
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At his great. Personal cost?
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That's humility, and not only that.
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It's also described as leaving. The 99 Those that are safe and
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secure to look for the vulnerable to care for.
23:21
Those that can't care for themselves.
23:24
Do you want to see things resolved in your life?
23:26
You've. Got to get back to humility.
23:29
Cultivate it. Develop it like a garden.
23:34
Proverbs chapter 3 verse 34 says God gives grace.
23:37
To the humble. As we saw today, First Peter,
23:40
55, says to be. Clothed with humility that that
23:45
you know. Think about it on a cold day
23:46
when you're wrapping yourself in a jacket.
23:48
That's what you're wrapped. Up in That's what's keeping you
23:51
warm, that that's what's hugging you tightly.
23:54
Can you imagine that picture in your own life of being covered
23:57
and wrapped up tightly in humility?
24:01
Humility means I care more about you than I care about myself.
24:06
Humility means I value you more than I value myself.
24:10
Humility means that I die to myself.
24:12
For the sake of. Living for you, humility is
24:17
important. Not pushing ahead, not stepping
24:20
on others, not feeding jealousy or covetousness or cozying up
24:26
with the world. It's interesting.
24:27
In James it's a different. Bible study altogether, but
24:30
it's. Interesting in James, isn't it?
24:31
That he talks about. Being a friend of the world
24:34
because the world has a way of resolving conflict?
24:36
Not so much, really. Not very successfully.
24:39
But a world has a way. It's like, oh.
24:41
You know what, just dump them. Just get rid of them.
24:43
Just take advantage of them the exact.
24:45
Opposite. Could it be that?
24:47
Some of the relational issues that you have right now are
24:51
because you're trying to handle it from the world's way.
24:54
The culture's perspective. Instead of coming back.
24:58
To the biblical basics. #2 After cultivating a heart of humility,
25:07
then secondly, we need to handle these things biblically.
25:12
Biblically, the Bible has the answer for the conflicts in your
25:16
life. Which brings us to verse. 15
25:20
This is Sub. Point step #1 If you're taking
25:22
notes, how do I handle this conflicts?
25:24
Biblically step. Number one.
25:27
Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his
25:33
fault between you and him alone. Pause there for a second.
25:39
That's step #1 if there is a conflict with a.
25:42
Sister or a brother? You need to go to them, you and
25:47
them alone, you and him, you and her alone.
25:55
If you'd like to write in your Bibles next of the number and my
25:59
Bob, I could do it right next to the verse #15, right above.
26:02
That you could write this. Write the numbers 99 and then
26:07
the percentage 99%. Now I'm kind of making this
26:10
number up, but I think I'm pretty close that 99% of the
26:15
conflicts among us could be solved and would.
26:18
Be solved if you would just obey this, If you would just do this,
26:23
if you would just. Go to the person, share what
26:25
happened and just. Try to work it out.
26:28
With the heart of humility, right?
26:29
You're already humble. You're already just like man, I
26:31
don't know what's going on, and you just go to them and you
26:34
share. If you think it's a sin and you
26:36
share it that way. If you think it's.
26:37
Just a minor offence or somebody did something, somebody said
26:41
something, somebody didn't do something, just go to them.
26:45
As believers, as brothers. And sisters in Christ and say,
26:48
look, I need to share with. This with you.
26:50
I want you to know it and and you just lay it before them
26:54
almost always. I can't.
26:56
I mean, there are very few times, although there are, that
26:58
I've done this, that this hasn't happened.
27:01
But but most of the time, this is exactly what happens.
27:03
Oh, man. I'm sorry, Ed.
27:05
I didn't know that. Would you forgive me?
27:07
That's it. I didn't mean it that way.
27:10
I didn't want it that way. I can't believe I did that.
27:11
They didn't want you to hurt. And it's this sense of God was
27:15
already working on them. They didn't even know they did
27:17
it. They didn't even know they said
27:19
something. And this happens to me a lot
27:21
because I joke around and sometimes I just, my jokes don't
27:24
hit. I know you guys already know
27:25
that, but they don't hit well. Or or just like.
27:28
You know the old Ed comes out or something and I truly am not
27:32
doing it on purpose. And so if somebody will come, I
27:36
mean it will be also be a lesson for me to humble myself but
27:39
it'll also be an opportunity like man, I can't be doing that.
27:42
I need to watch my mouth and or or my thought in there or it
27:45
needs to become a part of my. Prayer life if you would just go
27:48
to the. People and share with them. 99%
27:51
of the problems will go away. And you know what that'll do
27:53
though? Then if they repent, it'll put
27:56
it back on you to forgive. And you know why people don't go
28:00
and share those things. People like an identity of being
28:03
a victim. That's why they would rather
28:06
live as in a victim. And they, well, you know, they
28:08
heard me. They heard me like, yeah, but
28:10
like go resolve it. You don't have to live that way.
28:14
Just resolve it. And here I can already think
28:17
because as a. Pastor teaches.
28:19
There's a lot. Going on, there's the Holy
28:21
Spirit's moving in a room, and some of you are like, man, Ed, I
28:24
can't do that. Like I can't do that.
28:26
Like if I if I obeyed verse 15, I'd have to.
28:29
Do that, like 100 times a week. Wait a minute.
28:34
First of all, #1, don't talk yourself out of obeying God.
28:38
Don't talk yourself out of obeying God.
28:40
But seriously, do you? Really need to do it 100 times a
28:43
week. Are you offended by people 100
28:45
times? Like individuals that you know
28:47
personally, you're offended by them 100 times a week.
28:50
I think you got. Other problems because the Bible
28:54
says not to be what easily offended so even in the church.
28:59
Especially those of you that. Begin to serve in a church or
29:02
lead in a church. One of the principles I share
29:04
with you and teach you is that you need to learn to develop
29:06
some thick skin and maintain a soft heart.
29:10
Because things happen and if you're offended 102 hundred
29:15
times a week you you may you may need some other type of help to
29:20
get your eyes back on the. Lord, but that's what.
29:23
Happens when you. Obey the Bible.
29:24
You know when you start obeying the simple things in the.
29:26
Bible God reveals other issues. That's another reason why simple
29:31
obedience lacks in the church today.
29:33
Because you know, if you do the easy things, God's going to
29:36
reveal some hard things, because that's what happens when you
29:40
start obeying. And this to me I like to call
29:42
this is one of the. Categories I have.
29:44
In the Bible, this is a slam dunker.
29:46
For you basketball fans, this is an easy This is a Gimme to go
29:51
and talk to someone. Now, I don't know if it's going
29:53
to be resolved or not. We don't know yet.
29:56
But we do know this. When you obey this, God will
29:59
honor that. You'll be blessed.
30:01
And we're hopeful. We're not going with some
30:04
attitude. We're hopeful, We're humble.
30:06
Oh. Lord, please.
30:08
I don't want this in my life. I I need to know what happened
30:10
between we used to be, you know, we were walking.
30:13
Together. To the in the cool of the day,
30:14
coming to church, worshipping. And now they won't talk to me
30:17
anymore. What's going on?
30:18
Lord and the Holy. Spirit says you.
30:20
Need to go talk to them. And as you do, notice what
30:24
happens. It says in verse 15.
30:26
If he hears you, you. Have gained your brother.
30:30
Isn't that what you want? If you don't go with humility,
30:33
though, you know what's going to happen.
30:35
You're going to go not to win a brother.
30:37
You're going to go to win an argument.
30:39
And you might be successful. You might win the argument.
30:43
You might be. Right for all the.
30:46
Wrong reasons. And that's why humility's so
30:49
important, because you don't want to win an argument.
30:52
You want to win a sister and you want to win a brother.
30:55
Because in Unity, the church is stronger.
30:58
And 99% of the time, even if that number is inaccurate.
31:02
I hope it's close that all these little.
31:06
Personal skirmishes, all these little things.
31:09
I understand things are deeper than this and I understand this
31:12
isn't applying to all the. Deeper stuff.
31:14
However, it could be that. Opportunity for you just to.
31:18
Share it. And if there's an impasse, you
31:21
just got to move on. But I know this it is not.
31:25
OK for you to avoid. Obeying this It's not OK.
31:31
It's not. OK for you to obey.
31:33
This differently than what, Jesus?
31:36
Taught. I want you to be careful in
31:38
reading this again with me. If your brother sins against
31:41
you, listen to the instruction. Go.
31:45
So it's on you. That means you got to get up and
31:49
move from the place that you're in.
31:50
You need to go and notice. Secondly, you need to tell him
31:55
his fault. So that means you need to.
31:57
Talk to talk. To them about it.
31:59
I mean, I think of all the marriages in here where the
32:01
Bible says don't let the sun go down on your wrath.
32:04
You know, the reason why someone's sleeping on the couch
32:06
today is? Because of hard hearts.
32:08
And pride and arrogance. That's why.
32:10
That's why you need to get up and go and resolve it.
32:14
And I could already hear some of them go, but I don't want to
32:16
resolve. It exactly.
32:18
That's why you're in church today.
32:21
The Holy Spirit knows. And when you know it, wouldn't
32:25
you know it? After first service.
32:29
Someone comes up and says, Yep, we haven't been in the same room
32:33
for a long time. Yep, you don't want to know why.
32:38
Because God, he loves you. He wants you.
32:41
To hear the truth. He wants you.
32:43
To live the best. This is important.
32:46
You need to get up and go and tell them and notice.
32:50
It says you. And him alone.
32:53
Do you know what that? Teaches us.
32:55
You need to do it. Face to face, I'll tell.
32:59
You how not to do it. Do not write a 10 page e-mail
33:05
and send it to them. Anybody written an e-mail that's
33:08
been misunderstood? Yes.
33:10
Hello. Anybody say Amen?
33:12
OK, well, the rest of you, you don't write emails, but
33:16
especially these conflicts things.
33:18
I'm going to write this and I'm going to write this.
33:19
And even if you have the right motives, it could be easily
33:22
misunderstood. It also means don't send them a
33:25
text message. You don't need 10 pages on a
33:27
text message, just five will do. No, don't send.
33:29
Don't send a text message. You're horrible.
33:31
And then you need to forget, like you're not going to resolve
33:33
anything. Text messages, You're not going
33:35
to resolve anything by e-mail. Don't write them a letter.
33:38
Don't don't post it on Facebook. What are you thinking, letting
33:47
complete strangers in on your personal business that's not
33:51
from the Lord? How in the world would you think
33:54
emoting like that would bring any kind of resolution to the
33:58
problems in your life? Don't do that.
34:01
Don't let everybody into your own purse.
34:03
Don't air your dirty laundry for people that really have no
34:06
vested interest in you at all. You know what's happening when
34:09
you do. That you're just looking?
34:11
For affirmation of your. Side That's it.
34:13
And there will be a few people that affirm your side, but
34:16
they're in sin too, so you're just a group of sinners agreeing
34:19
with sin. That's all that is.
34:22
That's not really humility. So you want to go to him and
34:26
because you know when you do it in person.
34:28
Which is what Jesus says to do. You get to look him in the eyes.
34:32
You get to explain if you're misunderstood.
34:35
I know when I'm having hard conversations, I'll often pray,
34:38
Lord. Help me to hear the words that
34:40
are said. And understand what they mean
34:43
because I want to know what's being said to me.
34:45
And I also pray that when I'm speaking and a difficult thing I
34:49
was Lord, let my words be understood, but also what I mean
34:52
because that's where the meaning of the minds is.
34:55
So don't try to, definitely don't try to resolve it by going
34:58
instead of going to the person. You go to someone else first.
35:02
Hey, you know, just pray for me, OK?
35:03
Let's pray. Oh, you know, Lord, Lord, Lord,
35:06
I. Just pray for Ed.
35:07
He's such an idiot. I hate him.
35:09
He hurt my feelings and just just help us resolve this
35:12
conflict. Amen.
35:16
And now the person. 'S like Ed.
35:17
What Ed? Pastor Ed, he's an idiot.
35:21
I thought he was an idiot, too. Idiot.
35:23
Idiot. He's an idiot.
35:24
And you go, Ed, why do you keep saying that word?
35:26
Because you. Guys say that word.
35:28
Some of you do. You're calling people idiots?
35:31
Call me an idiot. No, I mean think.
35:34
About where your heart is. When that's how you view people,
35:39
it's not OK, the Bible says. Out of the abundance of the
35:42
heart, the mouth speaks. And so you think you're going to
35:45
resolve something with someone when you calling them names,
35:50
even in your own heart, it's not going to work.
35:53
You go to them, you have the heart.
35:55
Not to win an argument. You have.
35:57
A heart to win a brother and God will honor that if it doesn't
36:00
work. It says in verse 16 if he won't
36:02
hear. You take with.
36:04
You one or two more that by the mouth of two or three witnesses.
36:07
Every word will be established. This is.
36:10
Two independent or one independent person, not people.
36:13
That agree with you? So you can gang up on them, but
36:17
rather you have some independent because you really want to
36:19
resolve it and a third party might help.
36:23
And then if they don't listen to them, then you get the church
36:27
involved, which becomes church discipline.
36:29
Church discipline is involved. When there's unrepentant,
36:32
unresolved sin in a person and they refuse to change, they're
36:36
no longer welcome in. Fellowship.
36:37
That's what. The Bible.
36:38
Says you can read about it in First Corinthians.
36:40
We have an example of that. Where there was a brother.
36:42
In sexual sin, unrepentant, he had to be removed from
36:45
fellowship. We read in Second Corinthians.
36:48
That it worked. And he got to come back in after
36:51
he repented. So church discipline would be
36:54
tell it to the. Church.
36:55
If he refuses, tell it to the church.
36:57
If he refuses even to hear the Church, let him be.
36:59
Like to you a? Heathen and a tax collector.
37:02
Which by the way with. Heathen and tax.
37:05
Collectors, what do you do? With them, you love them and
37:07
evangelize them so you don't treat them like enemies.
37:10
I mean, if you did treat them like an enemy, you love your
37:12
enemies so you never these these steps are never.
37:15
Outside of agape love. But it's important that you.
37:18
Realize God's heart is for you to resolve.
37:21
These things to win your sister and win your brother back, and
37:27
to work in work hard in bringing things together and not
37:34
perpetuating the division. It says in verses 18 and 19.
37:39
You know whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven.
37:41
Whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
37:44
Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth concerning
37:47
anything that they ask, it'll be done for them by my Father in
37:51
heaven again. Powerful verses that get caught.
37:53
Up in controversy. But just set the controversy
37:56
aside for a second and understand what's being spoken
37:59
of here. Binding and losing talks about
38:01
authority. When you resolve personal
38:04
conflicts, you get your authority.
38:05
Back you get to. Walk in authority.
38:09
You, you get to actually speak to someone else that's going
38:11
through something, and you you begin to.
38:13
Speak with Absolute. Authority.
38:16
Where you know that God has already worked on your behalf,
38:20
Binding and Loosening speaks of. Authority.
38:21
So you're you're. Speaking and acting in mercy and
38:24
grace and love toward one another and forgiveness it it's
38:27
released among us. It's loose.
38:30
When you're binding sin and you're stopping sin, then, then
38:33
no longer is sin running rampant, but love is taking its
38:37
place and the Church has a wonderful ability to walk in the
38:43
newness of life. You know, humility doesn't come
38:46
easily, not naturally. And I know that listening to
38:51
verse 15 and you're like, that's.
38:52
Hard. It is hard.
38:54
But what's impossible with man is.
38:55
Possible with God? What's?
38:57
Possible. What's impossible with us?
38:59
God can step in as you present yourself to him, but the Church
39:03
is being hindered. Because believers refuse to
39:08
obey. The slam dunks of the Bible and
39:12
not able to grow in deeper maturity because you're not
39:15
doing the AB. CS marriages would be stronger.
39:20
If you obeyed this. Singles will be stronger.
39:23
If you obey this, the Church. Will make more.
39:26
Progress if you obey this. You know when you we're coming
39:31
back real quick before we come to communion.
39:33
The a lot of times when it comes to difficulties in the Church,
39:38
this is what happens. The person instead of going to
39:41
them, them only them two alone and working it out, they come to
39:45
me or one of the. Other pastors, Hey, pastor.
39:49
Pastor, you got to understand. XYZ This guy did.
39:51
This and this guy, and I'll tell you, I'm going to tell you right
39:54
now the answer you're going to get.
39:56
If you do that, I'll warn you ahead of time so you know if you
40:00
come even after. Service you go.
40:02
I heard all the Bible. Study.
40:03
But I'm going to tell you anyway, Ed, and this is so and
40:06
so and such and such. And so I'm going to tell you
40:07
right now what I'm going to say. And all the other pastors should
40:10
say the same thing. You ready?
40:11
This is what I'm going to say. You guys jotting this down,
40:14
writing it down. Ready.
40:16
This is what I'm going to say. Did you talk to them yet?
40:22
Because that's the key. Did you talk to?
40:24
Them. Yet it is far premature to
40:28
involve me if you haven't talked to them, because who knows what
40:33
God wants to do? But it's not going to start with
40:36
me. It's going to start with you and
40:38
what God wants to do in your life.
40:39
I know you want resolution. I do too.
40:43
There's even a few situations in my life where there's an impasse
40:46
and I've had to move on, but it's hard.
40:49
That's not God. 'S best, God's best.
40:51
Would be full reconciliation. That would be the best.
40:54
That's my prayer still. I want to stay humble.
40:57
I want to stay usable. I want to have that openness to
41:01
the work of the. Holy Spirit, but for some.
41:05
Of you on the smaller scale, smaller things, more personal
41:08
offenses, it's time that you make.
41:10
Now you can send an e-mail to set up an appointment.
41:13
You know, you say, hey, I want to meet with you.
41:15
Can we meet for coffee or send a text message?
41:17
I'm not saying you can't use those things, but they aren't.
41:19
Tools to resolve, they're just. Tools to meet and then you get.
41:23
Together you pray. Together.
41:24
And you'll be amazed what God can do 99%.
41:28
I know you want it and I want it in these.
41:30
Last days, that's. What the world needs, it needs
41:33
to see a church united. By faith.
41:37
In the Lord Jesus Christ. And so, Lord, we need your help
41:41
as we come to the communion table.
41:43
Today this. Is not an easy topic, but
41:50
nonetheless we ask for your Holy Spirit God to enable us in our
41:55
own weaknesses to resolve what can be resolved.
41:59
And maybe even the other person right now doesn't know they're
42:01
going to get a call or a text to meet.
42:03
But you begin to prepare them right now, and if indeed there
42:07
is an impasse, then give us the strength.
42:11
To move forward by faith. Giving space for the Holy Spirit
42:14
to work even still over time as we continue to live in obedience
42:20
to you and help us to apply these principles.
42:24
Very simple. But also.
42:29
Easily overlooked and neglected. Forgive us God for neglecting
42:33
such a simple truth, and I pray even now I feel a heaviness in
42:37
the room. God.
42:38
For the heavy hearts that although we are.
42:41
Talking about some low level things.
42:43
There's some high level things here too.
42:45
Some real deep hurts and traumas and things that seem all twisted
42:51
and tangled up. A heart.
42:52
Lord, I just pray you begin to untangle it all, if you haven't
42:56
already begun. That you would just release.
42:58
Them that they might be walking in freedom again, closeness with
43:03
your spirit, and that fruitfulness will abound in
43:07
their life once again. Even if we walk forward with
43:11
pain, you know, limping along like Jacob did, We'll limp along
43:15
by faith in Jesus name. Amen.
43:20
We pray that you've been encouraged by this Bible study
43:23
delivered live from the sanctuary of Calvary Church for
43:26
prayer. Call us at 87730 Grace.
43:31
That's 877-304-7223. To listen to this message in its
43:37
entirety or to join us for our live stream services, visit us
43:41
online at Calvary, Co dot Church or download our free Calvary
43:46
Church app. Be blessed as You Worship Jesus
43:49
this week.