Latest / Success Story with Scott Clary / Lessons - You Need To Be Your Own CEO | Sarah Gibbons - Coach to Execs & Entrepreneurs

Transcript

Lessons - You Need To Be Your Own CEO | Sarah Gibbons - Coach to Execs & Entrepreneurs · Success Story with Scott Clary

• 0:00
  In this lessons episode, you'll learn how to redefine leadership as a way of being rather than just a title.
• 0:05
  Discover practical tools to align your actions with your values,
• 0:08
  improve communication, and shift from reacting to co-creating a more fulfilling life.
• 0:13
  Explore strategies to lead with intention in every aspect of your day-to-day experience.
• 0:19
  So what is fulfillment? This course you took, this two-year course, was this identifying what actually drives you?
• 0:36
  In life, is that what the end result is? Yeah, that's a good way of looking at it.
• 0:41
  I think from what I, one of the biggest lessons I got out of it was that most people are
• 0:48
  look at success as very horizontal. So you go to school, you get a job, maybe you get married,
• 0:56
  maybe you buy a house, etc. When I went back and got my masters in spiritual psychology,
• 1:02
  it started to introduce to me a way of leading that used practical tools,
• 1:09
  particularly around communication that helped me realize, okay, the way in which fulfillment
• 1:15
  works is through exponential growth, not through doing this thing that's on a horizontal line,
• 1:22
  which is what we're trained. And so when I started to play with that and I started to look at things
• 1:28
  like what does it mean to live from my values? What does it mean to really connect with my own
• 1:36
  intuition and start to make choices, the honor, what I want versus these expectations that I had
• 1:43
  for myself based on parental influence, society influence and all of that? I started to realize that
• 1:50
  I was relating to life in a very different way. And I think more than anything what I got out of it
• 1:56
  was that I was, I don't like the word control, but that I had a lot more influence over my life
• 2:04
  than I thought. So in most of us, human beings, and I still very much have moments of this,
• 2:10
  we are very much at a factor, we are at effect of our circumstances. Whereas when I went through my
• 2:18
  grad school program, what I got was there's an opportunity for me to really co-create my experience,
• 2:23
  whether it's with the universe, whether it's with God, every year belief is, but it was so empowering
• 2:29
  because I realized, my gosh, I can create what I want. As long as I get clear and I'm paying
• 2:33
  attention to my mindset and my intention and I'm taking action, what I know to be true is that
• 2:39
  then the universe meets you at a point of action. So it was just a very different way of experiencing
• 2:45
  life, but I gained very tangible tools that I now teach my clients really around communication
• 2:51
  and leadership. And so they're having very similar experiences. It doesn't mean that they're
• 2:56
  by no means does it mean that they are getting out of their current job. So I mean, so much,
• 3:01
  but many of them are staying in their current roles, but they're experiencing a level of fulfillment
• 3:07
  and impact that they didn't think was possible. So it's a very long way of saying answering your
• 3:12
  question. It was a good answer. And the reason why I was digging into that is because there's a lot
• 3:17
  of a lot of wisdom there. And I wanted to highlight that because I knew I knew that you were going to
• 3:22
  go in this direction. But that's something, that's something that I think over the past two years
• 3:29
  that that feeling of losing control when we saw we had everything figured out in career, in life,
• 3:35
  gone, right? Completely gone. That's a very, very practical example would be people that have been
• 3:41
  in careers for 30 plus years that thought those careers were stable and laid off furloughed whatever.
• 3:47
  And that's no longer things. So I appreciate what you're saying. And it's been, and I also,
• 3:52
  I've never heard it described the way you've described it just now, but I subscribe to a similar
• 3:58
  outlook on life about control. I say control, I guess a little bit more freely because I like to
• 4:04
  think that I I can't have some control over the outcome with the, you know, if you have a certain
• 4:09
  amount of input, then you can have some sort of control over the output. But that's I like that a
• 4:14
  lot. And that's that's what you teach. So that's that's a perfect segue. So that's what you work
• 4:19
  with individual and this is this is what you do. This is what you this is what I do full time. You
• 4:27
  know, at the end of the day, the only thing we have control over is how we show up and relate to
• 4:34
  people, situations, events in our lives. And so I am fascinated with that because what that where
• 4:44
  that got me thinking was, all right, that what we're really talking about is leadership leadership
• 4:49
  as a way of being, not leadership as this position as a hat that we wear as a title as a, you know,
• 4:58
  as wake up in the morning. I'm a leader and then I come home from work and I'm not a leader anymore.
• 5:04
  I realized it was like a pistony, but that if I start to look at leadership, like we're all in
• 5:11
  leadership, yes, some of us have titles where we manage people, but when we wake up in the morning,
• 5:15
  we show up and how we lead throughout the day and how we impact people, how we how you and I
• 5:20
  converse, how I talk with a barista, how I speak to my children, how I work with my clients,
• 5:26
  that leadership is really my legacy. And so if it all were to end, I love knowing that your
• 5:35
  legacy doesn't have to be, you know, building a water well in Africa, your legacy is how you
• 5:41
  show up and lead throughout the day. And so that got me really excited because I thought, well,
• 5:45
  I have an opportunity here to really help people grow their leadership, even if it's just by four
• 5:51
  percent, if we just shift it by a tiny amount, they're going to create different results. So I work
• 5:56
  with people, I have a boutique one on one business, so I work with a handful of clients there,
• 6:03
  and then I have several corporate groups, and then I have my own groups that I've put together
• 6:09
  based on, you know, I work with a group of dads, which I love, I work with a group of moms,
• 6:15
  and then I work with a group of executives. But it's all based on a principal and foundation that
• 6:20
  I said that I've created that's unique to that's unique to my business called the board, called
• 6:25
  the boards. I have different boards groups for depending on who the audience is. I saw that I
• 6:31
  was checking our website, and okay, so let's, so I want to dig into that point, you just have
• 6:38
  shown leadership, and obviously, so great points, leadership is not CXO, leadership is how you
• 6:45
  conduct yourself in your life. And I think that that mental shift or that lens that you look at
• 6:49
  leadership through is an important distinction. So what are some practical steps just for us,
• 6:56
  we can be a lot of people here are obviously executives, but also moms and dads. What would be
• 7:02
  some overarching step that people should try and take to be better leaders in their life and vision
• 7:09
  and understand their impact? Yeah, I love that question. So one of the first think about leadership
• 7:17
  as who you be informs what you do. So if you are disgruntled overwhelmed and anxious on the inside,
• 7:25
  then as you are doing whatever it is you need to do, that's the experience you're going to have. So
• 7:32
  one of the best ways to get really clear on who you are is to define your values. And it's
• 7:37
  amazing Scott, I'll start working with clients. And also, okay, let's talk about your values,
• 7:43
  do you know your values? And I say, yeah, yeah, I know my values. Okay, great, tell me your values.
• 7:47
  You scratch the surface a little bit, they don't know their values. So for anybody who's watching,
• 7:53
  actually you can go to my website, you sign up for my email. I have put together a super simple
• 7:58
  turnkey guide to help you figure out your values. Everyone has around, you know, five to seven values.
• 8:04
  And once you get clear on your values and you define them on your terms, then you have a very
• 8:12
  different experience because if you think about it, if you start to make decisions from your values,
• 8:17
  rather than expectations of what you think you should be doing or what you think your family should
• 8:22
  doing, already you're going to have an experience that is much more in alignment with what matters to
• 8:27
  you. So for me, one of my top values is connection. So as I'm moving throughout the day, as well as
• 8:33
  impact, I'm asking myself, what value does this lie with? If I need to make a decision, okay,
• 8:38
  is this an accordance with my values? That's a very different experience than, all right, what does
• 8:43
  it need to get done today? What should I be doing? And so it allows people to feel so much more
• 8:48
  empowered. So I would say for anybody who's watching the very first thing you could do if you
• 8:53
  did nothing else was get, get clear on your values, define them and start to play with what does
• 8:59
  it look like to live from your values? What is it like to make decisions from your values? And you'll
• 9:04
  be amazed at the different kind of results you get both in the workplace and at home. And I guess
• 9:10
  my question because everybody, he said things they know their values. And even if they, they,
• 9:15
  even if they do have an understanding of what their values are, we slip, we slip all the time.
• 9:19
  Yeah, me. I slip probably, you know, 200 times a day on, on, on, on, I think I'm a good person.
• 9:25
  I think I have good values, but something, you know, rouse me the wrong way. And then I react,
• 9:28
  or the conversation after the thing that rubbed me the wrong way is now, you know, that the
• 9:34
  emotion that's gone to that conversation is a negative emotion. Even though the person had no
• 9:39
  bearing on what actually triggered me in the first place, these are very common human tendencies.
• 9:44
  They are. So how do you get rid of? How do you? How do you? Yeah, what's the answer?
• 9:50
  Tell you. So really great point what you said. So one of the biggest principles I got out of my
• 9:58
  master's program in spiritual psychology is that if, if we get triggered as human beings,
• 10:04
  it's an unresolved issue of the belongs to us that's getting triggered. It actually has nothing
• 10:08
  to do with you. So if you are being disrespectful to me, it doesn't mean that you got a hall pass
• 10:13
  for me that way, but it's on me to look at, okay, why did that trigger me so much? So as a coach,
• 10:19
  one of the things that I do is I invest a lot in my own mentorship. So I work with a true
• 10:24
  team of coaches, which by the way, for anybody who's looking at a coach, you want to make sure you're
• 10:29
  the coach that you're working with is actually investing themselves. One of the best tools is called
• 10:35
  the completion. And it's a process where you are getting complete on your side of the sense of
• 10:44
  what you're bringing to the table. So the ultimate goal is if you've got energy on you, Scott,
• 10:49
  about something, that is going to carry over into how you show up and relate to someone. So you
• 10:54
  want to take on a very practical exercise, which is called completion. It involves writing
• 11:01
  three different letters. It takes no more than 20 minutes. But what it does is it helps you
• 11:07
  first and foremost, express what's there for you, whether you're mad, you're frustrated,
• 11:11
  you're upset, whatever it is, get it all out. Then it's about taking a look at, okay, what's there
• 11:17
  for me to, oh, what can I be responsible for? And then the third piece is around what can I acknowledge
• 11:24
  both the other person and both for me? And sometimes I have to do completion multiple times around
• 11:29
  the same situation with the same person. But it is truly the only tool that I have learned that
• 11:35
  my coaches have taught me if I want to be able to come into a situation and feel neutral so that I
• 11:41
  can approach it from a very clear leadership, then that's on me to get complete. And it doesn't
• 11:49
  require anyone to apologize to me. It's really on me. And I think that's, you know, if people
• 11:57
  went around in the world getting complete on their own stuff so they weren't lobbying their own
• 12:01
  stuff over to other people, we would have very different experiences throughout the day. Because
• 12:06
  you're right, we're human beings. It's not that we're, we go through the day and it's not that we're
• 12:10
  in leadership 24-7. It's that we fall out of leadership and when I always say to my clients,
• 12:14
  it's like, how quickly can you get back into leadership rather than withdrawing for a day
• 12:22
  or getting into it with a colleague and, you know, going down that rabbit hole?