Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #969 The Generation Gap

Transcript

#969 The Generation Gap · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: It's doctor Justin Coilson here. Over the weekend, there's been
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: devastating news that you have almost certainly heard about coming
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: out of Bondai and just horrific, tragic sort of stuff.
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to be addressing that tomorrow on the podcast.
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  Speaker 1: We have a sponsored podcast today that has to go
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: on as per our typical planning program, but I just
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  Speaker 1: wanted to highlight today's podcast. As per normal tomorrow we'll
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: address how to talk to the kids about this awful
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  Speaker 1: tragic situation. Okay, so on with the podcast. It's the
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for.
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  Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just wants answers.
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  Speaker 1: Now, millennial parents are difference to gen X parents. I've
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  Speaker 1: said it. I've made the call. The world is different
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  Speaker 1: in twenty twenty four to how it was back in
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  Speaker 1: the nineties when we started out parenting journey. Kylie, you
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  Speaker 1: and I were born in the seventies where gen x's
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  Speaker 1: that sounds so I just as I said it, I thought,
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  Speaker 1: oh my goodness, I feel like I just choked a
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  Speaker 1: little bit.
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  Speaker 2: You might as well said we were born in the fifties,
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  Speaker 2: like it feels that.
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  Speaker 1: Hold. No, we definitely work, but you know what, we're
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  Speaker 1: closer to twenty fifty than we are to like nineteen
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  Speaker 1: eighty that's or nineteen ninety even. But I digress. We've
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  Speaker 1: been watching our We've been watching our millennial daughter and
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  Speaker 1: her husband raise their baby, who's a little over six
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  Speaker 1: months old now, and they're doing it differently, like gen
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  Speaker 1: 's parenting, totally different to millennial parenting. That's what we're
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  Speaker 1: talking about today. A bunch of differences. How it's changed.
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  Speaker 2: The first obvious change is the digital infusion.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, just social media screens.
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  Speaker 2: It's literally taken over our lives.
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  Speaker 1: I just think about it from it. I mean, there's
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  Speaker 1: the whole sharing, right, So there's gender reveals, there's Facebook
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  Speaker 1: and Instagram and TikTok and all that sort of stuff.
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  Speaker 1: There's family chats. Like back in the nineteen nineties, the
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: idea of a family chat, it didn't exist. Right.
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  Speaker 2: A little while ago, I found a random box that
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  Speaker 2: clearly hadn't been unpacked, and as I was going through it,
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  Speaker 2: I found some old letters and when I.
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  Speaker 1: Sorry pause for those of you who are younger, letters,
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  Speaker 1: these things that we used to use, snail mail. I
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  Speaker 1: don't even know if the new generation would not snail
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  Speaker 1: mail is I mean anyway.
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  Speaker 2: So go on, and inside those letters were some old
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  Speaker 2: photos that I had sent of the children to their
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  Speaker 2: grandparents when they were babies.
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  Speaker 1: What do you mean, Like you found an iPad in
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  Speaker 1: the box and there was some photos on there.
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  Speaker 2: No, once upon a time you literally had you had
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  Speaker 2: a film with camera, I know, and you didn't even
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  Speaker 2: know what was on that film, and you would go
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  Speaker 2: and get this lucky dip of photos that may or
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  Speaker 2: may not have worked.
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  Speaker 1: How many photographs do you reckon have been taken of
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  Speaker 1: our grand daughter compared to how many photos were taken
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  Speaker 1: of our first daughter. Like we literally would take some
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  Speaker 1: photos digital photography existed in the late nineties and she
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  Speaker 1: was born, but that we took a handful of photos
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  Speaker 1: and then we would email them or we would get
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  Speaker 1: them printed and send them to family in envelopes via
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  Speaker 1: the post, right. I mean, that's one of the huge
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  Speaker 1: differences with this digital infusion family group chats, the ability to.
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  Speaker 2: Share your life with other people regardless of where they live,
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  Speaker 2: friction free. That's huge.
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  Speaker 1: The other thing that I would say with the digital infusion,
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  Speaker 1: now that you've brought that up, is just this issue
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  Speaker 1: of like when we didn't know what to do. We
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  Speaker 1: just didn't know what to do, and we would make
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  Speaker 1: an appointment with the doctor or a child health nurse,
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  Speaker 1: or we would make a phone called a mom or
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  Speaker 1: grandma and we would have a chat about them, whereas
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  Speaker 1: today we've got from literally no advice to chat GPT
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  Speaker 1: for crying out loud.
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  Speaker 2: In so many ways, it's actually information overload. If I
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  Speaker 2: wanted to find something out as a young mum, like
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  Speaker 2: you said, you talk to someone, or I'd go to
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  Speaker 2: the library and.
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  Speaker 1: Pick up a book, borrow book from the library.
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  Speaker 2: But now I open up my feed and clearly Facebook
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  Speaker 2: knows that I'm a grandparent because all my feed is
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  Speaker 2: is how to entertain a six month old? How to
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  Speaker 2: feed a six month old? Like, regardless of whether I
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  Speaker 2: want that information, it is there. And the pressure that
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  Speaker 2: young parents are feeling is they watch everybody doing life
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  Speaker 2: seemingly so much better than them.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, so there's a I guess the digital infusion also
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  Speaker 1: comes with some downsides, But regardless, that is a huge
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  Speaker 1: difference for millennials to are parents today versus what we
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  Speaker 1: were going through when we had our children back in
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  Speaker 1: the late nineties and early two thousands. The second idea
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  Speaker 1: for me when I'm looking at kids today is just content.
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  Speaker 1: Content on demand. Do you remember when the kid's favorite
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  Speaker 1: TV show would come on? You mean the Wiggles, Well
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  Speaker 1: that in play School. I mean, but Blue didn't exist
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  Speaker 1: back then, right, there was no such thing as Blue.
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  Speaker 2: With Sesame Street.
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  Speaker 1: The Wiggles were brand new. When we had our first
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  Speaker 1: baby's we went to the content that's making me feel. Okay,
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  Speaker 1: let's let's move on. I don't like. I don't like
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  Speaker 1: that feeling.
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  Speaker 2: Are there actually any original Wiggles left?
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  Speaker 1: No, I don't. I don't know. I mean, we're a
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  Speaker 1: little bit out of that demographic now. But the point is,
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  Speaker 1: nine o'clock in the morning you had to be sitting
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  Speaker 1: in front of the TV so that you can catch
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  Speaker 1: play School. And if you missed it, too bad, so sad,
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  Speaker 1: you'll have to wait till tomorrow. There was no such
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  Speaker 1: thing as content on demand.
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  Speaker 2: Time programming, actually time programming.
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  Speaker 1: That sounds so strange, what is that?
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  Speaker 2: At the time, it was probably really really tricky to
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  Speaker 2: live through. But as I look at what our kids
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  Speaker 2: are living through now, I miss timed programming.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I feel like it provided a structure
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  Speaker 1: and man that the kids knew, well, this is my
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  Speaker 1: TV time. The conversation about how much screen time is
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  Speaker 1: too much. I know that people have wrestled with the
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  Speaker 1: whole screen time question for years and years and years,
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  Speaker 1: but it was so much easier to say, well, there's
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  Speaker 1: a natural conclusion to this. Right now, we don't have
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  Speaker 1: all we don't have a screen in your hand that
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  Speaker 1: you can dial up something new to watch because you're
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  Speaker 1: bored with this thing. It was like, well, play school
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  Speaker 1: goes from nine till nine point thirty, and there is
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  Speaker 1: a natural conclusion to this, so we are going to
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  Speaker 1: go and do other things when play school is over.
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  Speaker 1: Whereas now you can sit down and watch I know,
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  Speaker 1: Blue only goes for about seven minutes, but you can
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  Speaker 1: watch approximately one hundred episodes of Blue because they're all there.
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  Speaker 1: It's all that content on demand. Big contrast, you know what,
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  Speaker 1: It was just maybe extending that a fraction. The other
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  Speaker 1: thing that stands out to me around that is our entertainment,
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  Speaker 1: or our kids entertainment if they were born twenty twenty
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  Speaker 1: five years ago, was with each other and it was outside.
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  Speaker 2: I remember when our eldest was three, she used to
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  Speaker 2: walk two houses down the street to her friend's place.
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  Speaker 2: Her neighbour at three years of age used to call
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  Speaker 2: her the neighborhood events coordinator, right, because there's a three
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  Speaker 2: year old She's like, Okay, well, I'm going to come
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  Speaker 2: play with you today at your house, but then tomorrow
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  Speaker 2: you can come to my house, and then the next
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  Speaker 2: day I'll come back to your house. Like she had
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  Speaker 2: it all planned out. But we don't see that now,
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  Speaker 2: like that would be considered very strange.
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  Speaker 1: I'm really grateful. I'm really grateful. Where we live on
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  Speaker 1: the Sunshine Coast, we do see kids riding their bikes
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  Speaker 1: around the streets. We do see kids. It's kind of
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  Speaker 1: that coastal vibe, and so people do let their kids
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  Speaker 1: walk down to the beach or walk down to the shops.
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  Speaker 1: But it's pretty rare. You don't see a lot of that.
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  Speaker 1: It usually happens in either smaller country towns, smaller regional centers.
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  Speaker 1: Doesn't happen so much in the cities. Very very unusual.
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  Speaker 1: And that play based childhood is a really big difference.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, today it's a screen based childhood. That's the reality.
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  Speaker 1: It's shifted so much comparing millennial parents to Gen X parents.
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  Speaker 1: The third thing that really stands out to both of
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  Speaker 1: us is the demographic shift.
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  Speaker 2: Generally speaking, older today than they were back when we were.
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  Speaker 1: You're exactly right. If we have a look at research
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  Speaker 1: from the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, back in
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  Speaker 1: nineteen ninety nine, which is when we had our first one,
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  Speaker 1: average age of first time mums was twenty seven, which
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  Speaker 1: was still sort of getting up there. We know that
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  Speaker 1: mum's best biological years for having a child during the twenties.
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  Speaker 1: Right as you get into the thirties, it gets harder
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  Speaker 1: and more challenging. In fact, what's the word for it.
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  Speaker 1: If you're over thirty five and you're having a baby.
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  Speaker 1: They call it like aatric a geriatric pregnancy, which doesn't
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  Speaker 1: sound very nice, does it, But that's well, you.
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  Speaker 2: Were born in the nineteen seventies.
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  Speaker 1: Just saying thank you so much for anyway, Twenty seven
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  Speaker 1: was the average age of a first time mum back
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  Speaker 1: when we had our first baby. Today it's gone up
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  Speaker 1: to well just touching on, just nudging thirty years of
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  Speaker 1: age for first time mums on average. That's average, not me,
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  Speaker 1: And that's the average age of a first time mum.
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  Speaker 1: And with that demographic shift and older parents. There's a
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  Speaker 1: couple of other things that go along with that.
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  Speaker 2: I was just thinking about your university experience and the
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  Speaker 2: acknowledgment that as a mature age student going into university,
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  Speaker 2: you were just better equipped to deal with the challenges
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  Speaker 2: that were presented to you.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, totally.
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  Speaker 2: And when you think about the experiences that we have
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  Speaker 2: as parents, there is the notion that with a little
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  Speaker 2: bit more maturity and life experience dealing with the challenges
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  Speaker 2: that parenting throws your way.
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  Speaker 1: This is how you apologize to our children. We had
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  Speaker 1: your bit young, we started too early.
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  Speaker 2: I definitely look at the experiences that we've had as
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  Speaker 2: parents and can see the shift as our maturity and
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  Speaker 2: our learning.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and there is some research. Again we're talking about
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  Speaker 1: averages here, but there is some research that shows that
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  Speaker 1: older parents tend to do a better job with their
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  Speaker 1: parenting because they're older, they're mature, They're better at frustration, tolerance,
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  Speaker 1: delayed gratification. There are some disadvantages to it as well,
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  Speaker 1: let's not gloss over those, but there are definitely so
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  Speaker 1: advantages and that really does show up the other demographic shifts,
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  Speaker 1: not only older parents, but smaller families double double incomes,
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  Speaker 1: because you need a double income to buy a house
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  Speaker 1: today because the economy is what it is. That's a disaster.
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  Speaker 1: We're not going to go into that, but comparing millennial
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  Speaker 1: parents to Gen x's definitely seeing that shift to older
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  Speaker 1: parenting and to smaller families with double incomes, which is
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  Speaker 1: kind of interesting because when I look at our daughter
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  Speaker 1: who is in her early the mid twenties and her husband,
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  Speaker 1: they're definitely on the young side to be parents. But
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  Speaker 1: I'll tell you what, and this is the fourth thing
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  Speaker 1: that I wanted to highlight, the final thing that I
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: wanted to highlight. When I compare Gen X parents to
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  Speaker 1: millennial parents, I just think they're doing a great job.
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  Speaker 1: I think they're doing a way better job than we did.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe it's because they're a bit older, maybe it's because
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  Speaker 1: the families are a bit smaller, but I think it's
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  Speaker 1: more than that. I just think there's a different level
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  Speaker 1: of investment and a different level of engagement involvement care.
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  Speaker 2: I think the greatest legacy any parent wants to leave
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: behind is to see their kids able to be better
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  Speaker 2: in every facet of life than we were able to be.
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  Speaker 2: Totally and as I look at our daughter and her
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  Speaker 2: husband and see how much more engaged they are with
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  Speaker 2: their daughter, how much they push against the gender stereotypes,
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  Speaker 2: and the way in which specifically Jared's.
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  Speaker 1: I was going to say, you're really talking about him,
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  Speaker 1: he's just doing a great job. You're looking at him,
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  Speaker 1: going hm, Justin didn't quite get that right.
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  Speaker 2: But across the board when we got married, dads didn't
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: really get that heavily involved. It was very unusual to
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  Speaker 2: have a dad that was hands on the way these
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  Speaker 2: kids are today.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think the shift was beginning, but it's really
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: in full swing now or watching it. I'm watching it
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: at workshops that I run. When I first started running
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: workshops fifteen years ago, I reckon about ten percent of
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: the audience was that. Today I think it's close to
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  Speaker 1: the thirty to forty percent. Definitely, mums are still in
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  Speaker 1: the majority, but the gap is closing. And it's beautiful
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: watch Melani your parents, especially melanial dads. As long as
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: you're safe and healthy, you are kicking goals. And it's
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: so so good to watch it. And you know what
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  Speaker 1: I love most about this, Kylie, I watched Jared with
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  Speaker 1: Indy with this beautiful little six month old baby girl,
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  Speaker 1: and I see the delight that he has in her
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  Speaker 1: and in his wife, in our daughter Chanel, and it's, oh,
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  Speaker 1: my goodness. It's like you said, this is the dream
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  Speaker 1: for a parent to see their kids grow up, and
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: nail it.
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  Speaker 2: When you talk to me the other day as we
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: were prepping for this and just acknowledged to me that
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: they were doing it better than us, it was like
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: you had stuck a dagger in my heart, just that
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: feeling of going on. But I did everything I could.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not bagging out parents that
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: have gone before, not at all.
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: But as I sat there and I let that thought marinate,
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  Speaker 2: I'm filled with so much joy, absolutely so much joy
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: to see that she's taken the things that we did
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  Speaker 2: right and added to them, and she's learned from the
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: things we got wrong, and she's decided that she's not
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  Speaker 2: going down that road. And I just I love that.
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  Speaker 2: I love that she's able to see that and do that,
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: and that we get to have a front row seat
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: and we don't have to wait for the snail mail
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: to show up and to get the photos, and I
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: don't even have to miss a day because even if.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: We're not every single day fast.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: Time, cause let me see it in real time. It's
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: just such a delight.
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  Speaker 1: Big differences and millennial parents. I think for the most part,
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: you are nailing it, doing so well. You know what,
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: genex's don't feel bad, you're doing okay as well. Okay,
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: you're really doing it because if your kids are doing well,
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: that means that you've done something right. And it's just
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: it's great to watch. Thanks so much for listening to
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: a Happy Family's podcast. We hope that it's inspiring you
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: to be a better parent, to be more engaged, more committed,
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: more connected with your kids. The Happy Family's podcast is
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: produce by Justin Roland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: our executive producer. For more information about making your family happier,
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: check out happy families dot com dot au or our
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: Facebook page Doctor Justin Colson's Happy Families. Oh and by
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: the way, if you want to leave us any feedback,
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: please feel free to check out the brand new, easy
• 14:16
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• 14:19
  Speaker 1: You literally just press the button and start talking and
• 14:22
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• 14:25
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