Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Handle a Direct Report Who Resists Change
Transcript
- Lucas: So you've been a manager for maybe three months, and you roll out a new process, nothing crazy, just a weekly check-in format, and one of your most experienced people, the one everyone respects, just digs in. They say, 'we tried that before, it doesn't work,' and suddenly you're not just managing a process, you're managing a barrier. Luna: And it's not that they're wrong, necessarily. Sometimes the old way is fine. But as a new manager, you can't just let one person derail a change the whole team needs. Lucas: Right. And the tricky part is, you're new. You don't have the political capital yet to just say, 'my way or the highway.' So what do you do? That's what we're digging into today. The specific case I want to anchor this on is a product manager I know, let's call her Priya, who moved from a big enterprise software company to a mid-sized startup as a team lead, and she walked into a team that had been doing waterfall for a decade. Luna: And the CEO wanted agile, right? Classic. Lucas: Classic. So Priya's in her first month, she's got a directive from above, and her most senior engineer, a guy who's been there for twelve years and basically built the whole backend, he's the one who says, 'we've never done sprints, and I'm not going to start now.' Luna: That's a hard spot. He's not just resisting the process, he's resisting her authority, maybe without even meaning to. Lucas: Yeah, and that's a key distinction. Resistance is often about fear of losing status, losing competence, losing control. So the first thing Priya did was schedule a one-on-one, just with him, and she didn't talk about the process at all. She asked him about his experience, what he thought worked well, what he was worried about. Luna: And did that work? I feel like a lot of new managers would skip straight to the 'why we need to change' speech. Lucas: She said the speech only works if you've actually listened first. So she listened for twenty minutes. And what she found was that his resistance wasn't about the methodology, it was about a failed agile rollout five years ago that had been a disaster, no clear roles, no buy-in, just chaos. He had the scars. Luna: Ah, so he wasn't resisting change, he was resisting a repeat of the past. Lucas: Exactly. And that reframed everything for Priya. She realized she had a choice: she could either treat him as the obstacle, or she could bring him in as a co-designer of the new process. And that's the move, really. She said, 'help me build a rollout that avoids the mistakes you saw before.' Luna: And that's what turned him around? Just asking for his input? Lucas: Not just asking. She gave him real ownership. She made him the lead on defining the team's working agreement for the first sprint. So now he had a stake in making it work. And that's a pattern I've seen again and again: resistance often melts when you convert the resistor into a co-architect. Luna: But what if someone just doesn't want to change, no matter what? You can't co-architect with someone who's fundamentally hostile. Lucas: Right, and that's the harder case. Let's talk about that in a second, because there's a difference between skepticism and stubbornness. But first, I want to acknowledge something. If today has been useful to you, if you're a new manager trying to figure this out, the reason we can keep making these episodes ad-free is because listeners like you support the show. If you want to keep that going, you can buy us a coffee at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's a small thing, but it genuinely keeps us going. Luna: We really do appreciate it. And it's a nice way to say thanks if we've helped you navigate a tricky situation. Lucas: So back to the stubborn case. You've listened, you've tried to bring them in, and they still refuse to even try. That's when you need to be direct about the stakes. Luna: What does that look like in practice? Because a lot of new managers are afraid to be direct with a senior person. Lucas: It's about separating the person from the behavior. You say, 'I respect your experience, and I need your expertise on this team. At the same time, the team has a goal, and we're going to adopt this process. If you have concerns, I want to hear them, but I also need you to give it a real shot for a specific period of time, say two sprints, and then we'll evaluate together.' Luna: So it's not an ultimatum, it's a trial period with a review. That's smart. Lucas: And if they still won't commit, then you have to make it clear that the behavior has consequences. Not in a threatening way, but in a factual way: 'If you're not willing to support the team's direction, I'll have to consider how that affects your role on this team.' And that's a hard conversation, but it's your job. Luna: And what about the rest of the team? If they see one person resisting without consequences, they might resist too. Lucas: That's a huge point. The team is always watching. If you let one person veto the change, you lose everyone else. So you have to be consistent. In Priya's case, after the first sprint, the senior engineer actually saw that the new process was working, and he became one of the biggest advocates. But that doesn't always happen. Luna: So what's your advice for a new manager who's in that first ninety days and they're facing this? What's the one thing they should remember? Lucas: The one thing is: resistance is usually information, not insubordination. Your job is to decode it. Ask 'why' until you get to the real reason. And then decide if it's something you can work with or something you have to manage around. Luna: I like that. And it's a lot easier to manage around when you've actually tried to understand first. Lucas: Exactly. So if you're in that situation, start with curiosity, not confrontation. And if you're past that, and you need to be direct, do it with respect and clear expectations. It's a balance, but it's the balance of management. Luna: And what about the reverse? What if you're the one who's resistant to a change from your own manager? I feel like this episode could help with that too. Lucas: That's a good point. Because a lot of us are on both sides of this. But for now, for the new manager, the takeaway is: don't avoid the conversation. The longer you let the resistance fester, the harder it is to fix. Luna: Yeah, and it's not just about the process, it's about the relationship. And that's what matters in the long run. Lucas: Right. So next time you're rolling out a change and you meet that wall, take a breath, set up a one-on-one, and start with, 'I'd love to hear your perspective.' You might be surprised at what you learn. Luna: And if you've tried that and you're still stuck, maybe that's a topic for another episode. But for now, I think we've given our listeners a solid playbook. Lucas: We have. And remember, you can always reach out to us on social media if there's a situation you want us to tackle. Until next time, keep having those conversations.