Latest / The Purpose and Progress Podcast Show / PTSD to Stability: One Father's Promise To Get Better with Mark Blacknell

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PTSD to Stability: One Father's Promise To Get Better with Mark Blacknell · The Purpose and Progress Podcast Show

0:00
Mark Blacknell:: No matter how good your life has been, no
0:03
matter how privileged it is or has been, all people are
0:07
suffering. We're all suffering in our society, especially. We
0:12
kind of put it under the carpet, like we don't really think about
0:16
how difficult our lives really are. All of us, it ain't easy
0:22
being human. We can't forget that.
0:29
Jim Price:: Hello, I'm Dr. Jim Price, and welcome to The
0:33
Purpose and Progress Podcast. This is the place where we
0:36
explore how purpose can guide our actions, and how growth can
0:40
become a part of our everyday lives. On the show, I talk with
0:45
amazing guests, from educators and creators to everyday people
0:49
with extraordinary stories about the challenges they face, the
0:53
lessons they've learned, and how to keep moving forward. My goal
0:57
is to share conversations that inspire you to live
0:59
intentionally, embrace growth, and take meaningful steps to
1:03
your own purpose. Let's get started.
1:10
Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Purpose and Progress Podcast
1:13
Show. I'm your host, Dr. Jim Price, where we share
1:16
inspirational stories with inspirational folks from all
1:20
different industries and things like that. And today, it makes
1:23
no difference. We have a fabulous guest today. He is a
1:26
former Marine who overcame PTSD and mental illness, and
1:30
transforming his pain into purpose. He's the author of the
1:33
best-selling book, Just Stare at the Wall! (Living the Universe
1:37
from Where You Sit), and the Founder of the Stare at the Wall
1:40
.Org, where he encourages others to feel meaning and inner peace
1:44
through mindful living. I'm glad to have on the show with us,
1:48
Mark Blacknell. How you doing, Mark?
1:50
Mark Blacknell:: Oh, good. Thank you so much. You said I overcame
1:54
mental illness. I'm not quite sure about that. I haven't
1:59
managed well, let's put it that way.
2:02
Jim Price:: I know we had talked a little bit before the show
2:03
about how I would just mention how I'm still in celebratory of
2:07
my birthday and stuff like that, and how that kind of extended
2:09
over to a lot of things that happen in this month, especially
2:12
in August. And that your birthday is not far from mine,
2:15
how we you know share similarities in terms of not not
2:19
looking our age and stuff.
2:22
Mark Blacknell:: Well, the audience can decide.
2:27
Jim Price:: But so glad to have you here, Mark. I definitely am
2:30
blessed and honored to have you up on the show. We always are
2:33
talking about motivation, about encouragement, about
2:36
mindfulness, and talk about the things that help people progress
2:39
in their lives in a positive manner. And when you're in that
2:43
mindset of good vibrational mindset, you're able to overcome
2:47
and get into a lot of things that maybe a person may have
2:50
thought they'd not been able to get into. So this is about
2:54
sharing these stories, and having people be inspired by the
2:57
stories of our guests on this show. I want to start off with,
3:02
when do you feel your journey started? And what influenced
3:05
that?
3:07
Mark Blacknell:: Well, I always say that my spiritual practice,
3:12
which is meditation, it started at the beginning of time,
3:16
really. If we really want to trace it all the way back,
3:21
regardless of what you believe, it could be the God creation
3:25
when God created the heavens and the earth. Or it could be this
3:29
big little point that blew out, and everything we know now comes
3:34
from that. But that's really where it started. But I'll fast
3:38
forward to Darby, Pennsylvania in 1970. That's really where it
3:44
started, it's where I was born. Now, according to my mother and
3:49
my father, I'm blessed enough to still have them in my life. I
3:54
was not happy. I came out angry, and I didn't want to come out at
4:00
all. It was a really long labor, and I cried a lot. And if my
4:06
mother left the room, I would hold my breath, turn blue, and
4:10
pass out. So I had a certain anxiety and disposition towards
4:17
life, I think from the beginning. I trace it back to
4:21
when I was a kid. When I think back now, I'm like, wow, there
4:25
was some kind of sense of dread in me from the beginning.
4:31
Probably genetic. I don't get into where it came from. Is it
4:36
some kind of chemical disorder? I don't go into all that. I just
4:40
know it was there, and it carried forward. And then I got
4:46
in some trouble. I'm going to make the story shorter than
4:49
usual. I realize that this story is there's no real way to
4:54
simplify it. My story is pretty pretty wild. And we have to
4:58
understand that any story, we tell about ourselves or our
5:02
lives, yhow true is it? It's kind of our version of our
5:09
story, right?
5:11
Jim Price:: Absolutely.
5:11
Mark Blacknell:: I want to preface that up front. So this
5:14
is to the best of my recollection. But I got in some
5:17
trouble after I graduated from high school. I had no real
5:21
direction. I got involved in some things. I'm from the
5:27
Philadelphia area, from Delaware County. So working class Philly.
5:32
And I had to get out of that situation, so I joined the
5:36
Marines. So that got me out of one situation, but into another
5:42
situation. The Marines is pretty tough outfit. I was overseas the
5:48
whole time I was in, and it was really whatever sense of dread
5:55
or anxiety I had in me, this like made it explode like a
5:59
nuclear explosion. So when I got out, I was really a mess. I was
6:04
suicidal. I remember years of depression where I considered
6:10
suicide, heavy drinking, anxiety, panic attacks, the
6:15
whole deal. And I think back now, and I think, man, I don't
6:19
know how I actually achieved anything. I ended up getting a
6:25
master's degree. But the whole time, I was hurting inside. I
6:29
don't know how I did it, so I think the military did train me
6:35
to have a degree of discipline and focus. And also exercise and
6:41
staying physically active, which to this day is extremely
6:45
important. Staying active is so important. But it took me about
6:51
20 years after I got out to really admit that I had a
6:57
problem. So I think the day my spiritual practice started, when
7:04
I consciously started doing something about my issues was
7:08
when I admitted I needed help. And that I was going to make it
7:13
my focus, my primary goal to get help, number one, because my
7:18
daughter, my ex-wife was pregnant with my daughter. And I
7:23
thought, man, if I'm going to be a good father, I'm going to take
7:27
this responsibility of bringing somebody into this world, I need
7:31
to get help. Because right now, I can't be a good father because
7:35
I'm fighting myself so much just to stay stable and to go to
7:40
work. And so it was always a lot of effort. I was always tired at
7:46
the end of the day. I had no room for anybody. But managing
7:50
myself. But I went into the VA. It's called a vet center. I
7:57
walked in, and there was this doctor behind a desk on the
8:01
phone. He went like this, hold on. And when he got off the
8:04
phone, he said, how can I help you? I said, man, I'm a mess.
8:11
Something's wrong with me. I need help. And his name was
8:15
Doctor Evans, and I thank him to this day because that's really
8:20
where my path to stability started. A lot of spiritual
8:25
folks in my position who meditate and help other people
8:29
meditate. We don't necessarily advocate for traditional
8:37
clinical support. I do, because that was number one. I had to
8:44
become relatively stable enough to find a thing like meditation.
8:50
Meditation's not a cure, it's part of a whole package. It's
8:55
one tool, but the one thing, it took me a year, me and Doctor
9:01
Evans to find the right combo of meds. That was a struggle
9:05
because when the meds were not for me, man, that made things
9:10
worse sometimes. I get sick, so it turned out being like a
9:15
little dose of this, and a little dose of that. Which to
9:19
this day, sometimes I think I probably don't need it. I'm not
9:25
messing with that, man. It works. I don't care about the
9:29
stigmas. I don't care about anything. It works. It's been
9:33
working for a long time, and that's what my provider now
9:37
tells me. No, no, no, man, it works. That's it. That's all you
9:42
need to know. So I stick with the meds, and I still see
9:47
someone to manage them. But I found meditation only after I
9:53
reached a certain level of stability. And then man, it took
9:58
me to a whole nother level. Now, you got to realize I got in a
10:01
little trouble with the law a few times. I was in jail. I got
10:06
out of it because I had the means, and the appearance, and
10:15
the talk to get out of it. If you get my drift. But I learned
10:21
through that whole experience that from meeting guys who
10:24
didn't have the same opportunities and the same
10:29
understanding of life that I have, that once you get in the
10:33
system, man, even for me, if I don't make that call at
10:39
Wednesday at noon to Mrs. Johnson, there's a warrant. What
10:45
if my phone's dead? I was scared to death. I did it because I
10:51
could do it. I'm in a position where I have the tools to manage
10:54
that. But for someone who doesn't have those tools, the
10:58
system, it would have been impossible. It was hard for me
11:02
with a master's degree, with all the advantages in the world. And
11:07
from hearing stories of the guys inside, they'd be because they
11:13
didn't have anybody in the world that could bail them out. 500
11:17
bucks .Sometimes, 300 bucks. They would sit in there for 9
11:22
months before they would even get to court.
11:25
So it just touched me, and I decided that I was going to go
11:31
back in and help people by teaching them meditation. And
11:34
that's one of the things I do now. It's a long story, but I
11:39
got involved with a guy on Florida's death row, and I
11:43
started working with him. And then as he changed over the
11:48
years, him and I started doing more things for people on death
11:53
row. So it ended up turning out well. My problems with the law
12:00
ended up turning into blessings. But I'm always cautious of
12:05
talking about that work because of the victims' families. I
12:09
mean, number one, and I don't blame them if they they think I
12:14
shouldn't be doing something like that. They have every right
12:17
because these guys did some terrible things. Some of them
12:22
regret it. Some of them will never understand the full
12:26
implications of what they've done. But that's one of the
12:29
things I do now. But some folks who meditate and they're
12:35
involved in formal in a tradition called Soto Zen. It's
12:40
like very formal tradition. There's certain rituals. And the
12:45
way you dress and speak, and I kind of I'm out of that now
12:53
because of where I am. I'm in conservative Florida here. I'm
12:58
not in out west. I had to kind of change my approach to all of
13:04
that. I just started working in my community helping people
13:10
establish meditation routines, and that's when I realized, wow,
13:16
this this is a powerful tool. This is a great thing. And I'm
13:19
going to try to make it as accessible as I can to anyone
13:24
who is willing to give it a try.
13:26
Jim Price:: I think that's wonderful. To have your progress
13:32
go where, I mean, you're dealing with the anxiety, you're dealing
13:36
with the PTSD, you're dealing with the stress, you're dealing
13:39
with all these elements in life that could cause a lot of people
13:42
just to go off the rails and completely just negate their
13:45
opportunity for purpose and progress. And to see that you
13:49
went to school, got your master's, and then now, you're
13:52
turning around and helping families and communities. It's
13:56
just amazing how life can turn around in such a profound way
14:00
when you're influencing so many people in a positive way. People
14:04
sometimes underestimate that. People will see your
14:08
best-selling book and they're like, oh, the success. They only
14:11
see the success of everything. They don't know the journey of
14:14
everything that transpired to get to where you are. You know
14:17
what I mean?
14:17
Mark Blacknell:: Yeah. And that opens you up to other criticism,
14:20
like, oh, he's just trying to pitch this book. He's just
14:23
trying to pitch this stare at the wall stuff. And they don't
14:26
even know the whole story. You're gonna judge me and say
14:31
I'm just trying to promote myself when I've been doing all
14:34
of this for free all these years, and getting in trouble
14:39
with the authority figures in my tradition. They didn't really
14:43
like it, to be honest. They thought I was going too far away
14:49
from the core tradition, which anybody that tries anything
14:54
different is going to hit that. It's just part of the terrain. I
15:02
look back. I don't know how I got here other than one day at a
15:08
time, one breath at a time, one step at a time. That's how I got
15:13
here, and I still operate under that premise. Because no matter
15:18
how good your life has been, no matter how privileged it is or
15:23
has been, all people are suffering.
15:27
Jim Price:: Absolutely.
15:28
Mark Blacknell:: We're all suffering. In our society,
15:30
especially, we kind of put it under the carpet. We don't
15:34
really think about how difficult our lives really are. All of us,
15:40
it ain't easy being human. We can't forget that.
16:37
Jim Price:: Absolutely. Absolutely.
16:40
Mark Blacknell:: Just do the best you can.
16:49
Jim Price:: All those elements are important. I think there's
16:51
good to have a healthy balance between all that. Even when you
16:53
talk about self care, meditation, all the other
16:56
elements. I go to the mailbox, and I'm like, the mailbox is not
17:00
a happy place for me. Because when I open it up and get all
17:02
the mail out, it's just going to be bills or junk. Be glad
17:12
there's not. Because when you get older, that mailbox is not a
17:15
happy place.
17:16
Mark Blacknell:: I say the same thing, man. That mailbox, my
17:20
son's like, how come you only check the mail once every two
17:23
weeks? I'm like, you'll see if the mail even exists by the
17:27
time. The physical mail. It's usually just trash or some
17:34
notice you'd rather not get. But that's a great example of how
17:39
ordinary life can be tough. It really is. And as you get older,
17:45
as you know, things that you would have never thought of
17:49
before, you're thinking about now. Oh, man!
17:54
Jim Price:: When I had that birthday, it wasn't too long
17:58
though, but I got that first AARP in the mail. We're not
18:03
doing this. I like AARP. No, we're not.
18:10
Mark Blacknell:: I get it all the time. But I'll tell you
18:13
what, it does come in handy when you hit 55. Took my kids to
18:19
IHOP, and I was like, oh, man. Look at this? 55 over a menu.
18:25
Jim Price:: Get the discount.
18:27
Mark Blacknell:: Oh, heck. Yeah. It's a big discount. I'm 56 now.
18:32
Last year, I would order from the 55 and over, and they would
18:36
say, wait a minute. You are you 55 now? I don't know what a year
18:40
did, but nobody asks anymore. I don't even get that satisfaction
18:50
anymore.
18:50
Jim Price:: Yeah. That is a blessing right there.
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19:31
I also want to talk about a little bit about your
19:33
achievements and project. I know we talk a little bit about your
19:36
book, and I'm sure that's an achievement being able to be a
19:40
best-selling author. It's been a big achievement for you. Talk
19:43
about that little bit in terms of just about the book and
19:47
what's it about to our audience to get a little clarity about
19:52
that.
19:53
Mark Blacknell:: Well, that book nearly killed me. That's all I
19:56
can say. It took about 4 years. I've been writing for 30 years,
20:05
and I've written all kinds of books, but I never released one.
20:10
I always ended up not liking the book when it was done. All
20:13
right, let me write something else now. I wanted to write
20:17
something real, but I didn't know how. But this book just
20:23
kind of came out of my experience. The bottom line is,
20:27
I used to torture myself. I wanted to show people how I got
20:33
out of it and stop torturing myself. It's really that easy.
20:39
It's not easy reading from what I hear. But the people that have
20:45
stuck with it say it's changed their lives. So what more can
20:49
you ask for? But basically, every 10 pages or so, I say, I
20:56
can keep talking, you can keep reading. But you'd be way better
20:59
off just putting this book down and meditating silently in front
21:03
of the wall. And there's instructions in the back. So
21:06
just go to the instructions and forget the rest of the book. I
21:09
say that every 10, 15, 20 pages, and it's 300 and some pages. So
21:18
all I'm trying to do is encourage the person on their
21:22
own, without anybody else to just start meditating, just to
21:28
stop. There's a one-minute exercise in there where you can
21:34
just stop. That'd be your first little baby step. I call it. So
21:40
the whole point is just to help people meditate. Now, a lot of
21:45
people are like, what's his angle? Well, my angle is this, I
21:52
really appreciate life. I think we have a wonderful planet here.
21:58
But I'm a little concerned at this point in history. Can you
22:04
believe the Civil War ended in 1865, and it's still playing out
22:09
today in the United States? We got environmental problems, we
22:15
got wars, we got social injustice, we got interesting
22:20
politicians. You want to learn that the whole deal, there's
22:26
like a collective sense of dread in the air. So I just felt like,
22:30
all right, I got to do something. As small as this
22:34
might be, I tell folks this all the time, people who meditate,
22:38
who stop and meditate or pray, whatever you want to call it,
22:43
who actually stop and don't tell God all the things you need or
22:49
what He needs to deliver, people who actually stop and listen
22:56
silently pray, it makes a huge difference in the world.
23:00
Jim Price:: Absolutely.
23:01
Mark Blacknell:: It really does. So it's basically the power of
23:06
prayer, but only I tell folks that the prayer in this case is
23:11
silent. You're listening to God as opposed to telling them
23:15
everything. Listen, God already knows. You don't need to say
23:19
anything. You need to listen. So I think it's very powerful. And
23:24
the more folks I can introduce to it, I think the better off
23:29
the world will be. Maybe that's a little naive, but we all have
23:32
our niche.
23:34
Jim Price:: Absolutely. I think that's wonderful. Even with our
23:40
audiences watching this, you never know who's watching, and
23:44
who you're inspiring, and influencing to be better. A lot
23:48
of times, it's the people that you don't even know that you're
23:50
inspiring to be better because of the encouragement, because of
23:53
the motivational words and things like that. A lot of
23:56
people misinterpret that as things that are maybe not that
24:01
important, but you know all those words. Words are
24:04
important, and I definitely incorporate prayer in everything
24:06
I do so I definitely connect well with that. And I think when
24:10
you incorporate those things and do the meditation, and do those
24:13
things like that, put yourself in a position to do things that
24:17
you want to do in life in that regards and stuff. And you're a
24:20
living example of that with your story and all you've been
24:24
through. Becoming an author, and getting your master's, and all
24:28
the things that have transpired to get you to the point where
24:30
you're at now. You know you're in a good space, and you're
24:34
recognizing and seeing that the world does need a lot of
24:37
healing. There's a lot of trauma in the world. There's much
24:39
healing to be done. There's so many things happening. And what
24:42
better way to do that healing process? Through prayer and
24:46
understanding others, and trying to have a clear understanding of
24:50
the things that are happening. And get to some point of clarity
24:54
in terms of that.
24:56
Mark Blacknell:: It's pretty cool because I'm at the point
25:00
now where I don't even, maybe I should stop and appreciate my
25:05
achievements. But I don't really look at it that way. I look at
25:10
it like, man, I got a pretty interesting life. I have a
25:15
purpose. I can help a few people. I don't need to really
25:20
be appreciated anymore. You know what I mean? Even by my kids. I
25:25
learned that if you appreciate yourself, it's so much better.
25:30
Because then, somebody says something negative, I don't need
25:35
to be appreciated. Somebody says something good, I don't walk out
25:41
like, oh, man, I just got interviewed by the local news. I
25:46
caught myself, I was like, damn, I'm important. And then I caught
25:51
myself, I was like, oh, god, let that go. Let that go. That's not
25:57
correct. So it's that process. It's kind of a balance. But
26:02
really, the reason I do it is because I always say, I do it
26:07
for me. Number one, I reverse it. Some people say, I do
26:11
everything I do for God. Oh, really? No, no, no! I do
26:16
everything because it's fulfilling, and I have an
26:20
interesting life. I have meaning. Number two, my kids and
26:25
my family. Number three, my community. And then if there's
26:30
anything left over, God can have it. But the way I think is, God
26:35
don't need nothing. You put God number one like that, you think
26:41
you're doing everything for God. You better be careful because
26:46
you can start feeling too good about all that, and then you can
26:51
start thinking you're the prophet, and you're the only one
26:56
that's got the direct line. We all know throughout history how
27:01
that can turn dangerous?
27:03
Jim Price:: Absolutely. If you were to say some inspirational
27:07
advice to others, the audience that's watching, what would you
27:11
share as an inspirational advice in terms of helping someone to
27:16
be motivated?
27:16
Mark Blacknell:: It's real simple. I was a total mess. If
27:21
you would have met me, I'm not going to put a year on it, but
27:26
you would have said, there's something not right with this
27:32
guy. Who knows what would have happened. Maybe I would have
27:37
fought you if you looked at me. I was the type of guy like, what
27:41
are you looking at?
27:43
Jim Price:: You were in that space at that time.
27:44
Mark Blacknell:: Yeah. It was pretty tough growing up. There
27:50
were a lot of bullies, a lot of fighting, a lot of stuff like
27:54
that. But if I can reach a point of relative stability where I'm
28:01
doing meaningful stuff, writing books and doing this, and being
28:07
on shows like that? Anyone can. I'm telling you, anyone can. But
28:14
the first thing you have to commit to is your stability.
28:19
That's got to be number one. And you got to see who's out there,
28:25
what organizations are out there, what resources are out
28:28
there even if you live in a terrible neighborhood where it's
28:35
rough. There's got to be an elder somewhere, somebody who's
28:41
known throughout the community as as a guy who has his crap
28:45
together, and that's the person you want to stick with. Just
28:53
insert yourself in their lives. Don't give them a choice even if
28:58
it's a reverend and you're a little skeptical about all that.
29:01
If that guy's real, if he's authentic and stable when he's
29:06
doing good work, just show up and don't leave the guy alone.
29:12
You got to know your resources. For me, it was getting in my car
29:16
after work, looking up the hours of the vet center, knowing when
29:22
they took walk-ins, and walking in. It was like 45 minutes to an
29:27
hour from my house. I lived in Maui. I lived up on this
29:30
mountain, so it was a little out of the way. But I made it a
29:34
priority. And that's the key. You got to make getting out of
29:39
your situation stability, whatever you want to call it.
29:42
Coming to Jesus, whatever you want to call it. It doesn't
29:46
matter to me. Just make it number one. And every waking
29:51
hour, no matter how bad it gets, just go back to that. Where can
29:54
I go? Who can I go to? What's available? Sometimes, it's
29:58
sports. I coach football, but it's soccer. But I refuse to
30:03
call it that because the rest of the world call it. I coach
30:06
middle school soccer. Middle school soccer is a great way to
30:14
stay out of trouble, to get to get a good influence. So
30:19
whatever it takes. And when you get a little older, there's less
30:23
options. Really, you might think so, but there's community
30:28
resources everywhere.
30:30
Jim Price:: Thank you, thank you.
30:31
Mark Blacknell:: And you can find them.
30:33
Jim Price:: That is so wonderful. Also, how can our
30:36
audience connect with you and get your books? Because I'm sure
30:39
our audience, it's great read. I really endorse and recommend his
30:44
book. But tell us how the audience could get a hold of
30:47
your book, and the title of the book again.
30:49
Mark Blacknell:: Okay. It's just stare at the wall exclamation
30:52
point!, and then you can get it anywhere. Just throw it in
30:57
Google, and it'll pop up. It's in Amazon, Barnes & Nobles. I
31:02
think you can even get it from Walmart. I don't think anybody
31:05
from Walmart ever read that book. I'm not quite sure they
31:07
would publish it. I know a few libraries here in Florida have
31:13
it too. But I think you can request it from your local
31:17
library, and they'll get it.
31:19
Jim Price:: Okay, cool. So that's another way. Pick up the
31:21
book. Mark, this has been definitely inspirational story,
31:27
and a great interview, and I'm just so happy to have you on the
31:30
show. And as we close out, we always say, motivation is key.
31:35
Being able to understand self-love, self-worth and
31:38
self-care are all important aspects of terms of lifting your
31:42
level of motivation, lifting your level of vibration to
31:46
higher levels so you can achieve your goals and aspirations. So
31:49
as we close out, I always like to say, stay prayed up, stay
31:52
blessed.
31:53
And once again, this is Dr. Price, host of The Purpose and
31:57
Progress podcast show, and hope you join us again next time.
32:02
Thank you very much, and stay blessed.
32:06
Thank you for joining me on this episode of The Purpose in
32:09
Progress Podcast. I hope today's conversation gave you insight,
32:13
inspiration, or a fresh perspective to help you move
32:16
forward with purpose. If you enjoyed the episode, please
32:19
subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who could
32:22
use a little encouragement. You can also support the podcast
32:26
through the donation link in the show notes. Every contribution
32:29
helps us keep sharing stories that uplift and inspire.
32:32
Remember, your purpose is waiting, and progress never
32:35
stops. I'll see you next time.