Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / #HURDLEMOMENT: Goal Setting 101 With Dr. Cheyenne Bryant

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#HURDLEMOMENT: Goal Setting 101 With Dr. Cheyenne Bryant · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: We don't go find our purpose. Find yourself and there's
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: your purpose. So if you're in that great era saying
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: I don't know what I want to do, that's.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: Because you have not yet to find you.
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: What's going on?
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  Speaker 4: Emily A body here coming to you live from the
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  Speaker 4: AG Studio. You are listening to another installment of Hurdle
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  Speaker 4: Moment from Hurdle, a wellness focused podcast. Reconnect with everyone
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  Speaker 4: from your favorite athletes to top experts and industry CEOs
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  Speaker 4: about their highest highs, toughest moments, and everything in between.
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  Speaker 3: We all go through hurdles in life.
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  Speaker 4: And my goal through these discussions is to empower you
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  Speaker 4: to better navigate yours and move with intentions so that
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  Speaker 4: you can stride towards your own big potential and of
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  Speaker 4: course have some fun along the way. Today I am
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  Speaker 4: sitting down with doctor Cheyenne Brian. She is a psychology expert,
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  Speaker 4: a renowned life coach, and we are talking all about how.
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  Speaker 3: To go after your big goals.
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  Speaker 4: We discuss how to set smart goals and the important
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  Speaker 4: step you need to take before you even put pen
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  Speaker 4: to paper on concepting those goals, plus the nitty gritty
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  Speaker 4: about the steps on the way how can you actually
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  Speaker 4: succeed at going after the things that you want? How
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  Speaker 4: should you be breaking it down to make your goals
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  Speaker 4: a reality. I really appreciate so much of her wisdom
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  Speaker 4: and perspective on this. I could listen to doctor Bryant
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  Speaker 4: talk forever and I love her philosophy about the importance
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  Speaker 4: of celebrating yourself along the way to going after what
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  Speaker 4: you want.
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  Speaker 3: And I also really loved her thoughts on.
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  Speaker 4: Surrounding yourself with people that support you in whatever it
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  Speaker 4: is that you're after. I know it's so so important
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  Speaker 4: to fill up your own cups so that you can
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  Speaker 4: give to others, and make sure the others that you
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  Speaker 4: want to give to are supporting you and appreciate you.
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  Speaker 4: Most importantly, in return, make sure you're following along with Hurdle.
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  Speaker 3: Over at Hurdle Podcast.
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  Speaker 4: I'm over at Emily Body and with that, let's get
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  Speaker 4: to hurdling.
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  Speaker 3: Today.
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  Speaker 4: I am sitting down with doctor Cheyenne Brian. She's a
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  Speaker 4: doctor of psychology and a life coach. How you do today,
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  Speaker 4: I'm doing amazing.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you for having me on. I'm excited to be
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  Speaker 1: here and I'm ready to give a give out some
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  Speaker 1: tips and some tools on how folks cannot just you know, accomplish,
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  Speaker 1: but set goals and for some people, believe it or not,
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  Speaker 1: I have a lot of clients that come to session
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  Speaker 1: and they say, I don't know what I want to do.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know who I am, right, So it's more
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  Speaker 1: than just like like, you got goals, set it, let's
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  Speaker 1: go get it. It's also processing what goals do you want? Right?
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  Speaker 1: It's okay to not know what you want. It's okay
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  Speaker 1: to not have any goals because you're in that great
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  Speaker 1: area space of like, I'm just figuring out right now,
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  Speaker 1: and so my goal is to figure out what my
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  Speaker 1: goals are. And I think people, especially women, need to
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  Speaker 1: know that that is also a same space, and that
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  Speaker 1: is also a space that's perfectly okay to be in
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  Speaker 1: because you're in that blank plate two space where it's
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  Speaker 1: needed for you to empty out right and then say
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  Speaker 1: I emptied out everything I thought I wanted, all the
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  Speaker 1: ideologies that I thought life would be as we all
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  Speaker 1: think life's going to be this way, and we're going,
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  Speaker 1: holy moly, that's not how it turned out. And then
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  Speaker 1: just have someone that helps you pick your own brain,
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  Speaker 1: process your heart space, and put it all out and
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  Speaker 1: say I want this, I don't want this, let's create.
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  Speaker 3: Wow, you're jumping right into it. I love this about you.
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  Speaker 3: We're still getting to know each other.
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  Speaker 4: I before we really dive straight into the tip offering
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  Speaker 4: the tips and tricks that we're going to offer the
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  Speaker 4: hurdlers today, give us a little bit of intel on
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  Speaker 4: your background and how you got into this line of work.
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  Speaker 4: When you were a little girl, did you think, hmm,
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  Speaker 4: I want to be a psychologist, you.
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  Speaker 1: Know, Okay, hurdlers And I love that, you know, I always,
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  Speaker 1: since a little girl, have been big on making good decisions.
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  Speaker 1: And it's something that my best friend brought to me,
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  Speaker 1: brought to my attention again actually a couple of weeks ago.
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  Speaker 1: I am dating, and so I get to cutting off
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  Speaker 1: people when I'm dating, and she goes, you know what
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  Speaker 1: it is, She goes, you are big on good decision making.
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  Speaker 1: And she goes, You've always been like that since we've
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  Speaker 1: been kids, because we've been best friend since we were like,
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  Speaker 1: you know, fourteen, And I'm like, you know what, Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: you're right, And so just as a kid, I've always
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  Speaker 1: been big on good decision making right and good decision
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  Speaker 1: making doesn't mean that you're always coming out the winner.
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  Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that you're always coming out better than
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  Speaker 1: someone else. It just means that you get the best
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  Speaker 1: experience possible and that you are able to either leverage
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  Speaker 1: that experience from your decision, leverage to go in the
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  Speaker 1: direction you want to go in right talking about goals,
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  Speaker 1: or you are able to obtain the intent of that decision.
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  Speaker 1: And so again, my definition of good decision making based
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  Speaker 1: on the results that I want to receive are going
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  Speaker 1: to be different than anyone else's because the results that
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  Speaker 1: we desire are different. And so for me, you know,
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  Speaker 1: as a young ger, I just always been big on that,
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  Speaker 1: and I went to school really first saying I'm going
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  Speaker 1: to law school because I know I'd be really good.
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  Speaker 1: I'm good with creating a narrative and telling a story
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  Speaker 1: and people seeing it and really grabbing people their attention
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  Speaker 1: and bringing them into my story and my narrative my world.
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  Speaker 1: But am I really changing lives? Am I really saving lives?
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  Speaker 1: Am I really having a legacy impact on people? And
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  Speaker 1: not saying that attorneys can't have that right, but for
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  Speaker 1: the level that I wanted to have the impact on
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  Speaker 1: folks lives they didn't do it for me. And then
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  Speaker 1: as soon as I went to that blank space, I
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  Speaker 1: was saying, it's okay for us to be in, which
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  Speaker 1: is actually the magical space, and we'll get into that.
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  Speaker 1: That's where God was able to have my full attention.
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  Speaker 1: He goes, Okay, you went blank on me. You emptied
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  Speaker 1: out all of your broken ideologies and all of these
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  Speaker 1: ideas you thought you'd have. Now I can really come
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  Speaker 1: in and penetrate you. And so he started to show me
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  Speaker 1: my broken pieces and I was like, oh. And then
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: he started to give me these different tools on how
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  Speaker 1: to make peace from my broken pieces, and he goes, so,
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  Speaker 1: you know, what's up. What do you want? And I'm like,
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  Speaker 1: I want everybody who I come in contact with to
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  Speaker 1: feel what I call God's peace. And they can call
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  Speaker 1: it whatever they want, as long as the end goal
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  Speaker 1: is peace. For me, it's God's peace. I want them
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  Speaker 1: to have that in their world because we are all
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  Speaker 1: broken in some way. And if we can have a
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  Speaker 1: shift in perception, which is America I call America just
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  Speaker 1: a shift in perception, we can take our broken pieces
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  Speaker 1: which we perceive to be broken, and then we can
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  Speaker 1: find the peace out of it, and I go, well,
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  Speaker 1: I got to go into the field that makes sense
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  Speaker 1: for me, and that would be the study of behavior
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  Speaker 1: and people and help them understand their self and help
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  Speaker 1: them have a shift of perception so that they can
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  Speaker 1: see their world in a way that would create the
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  Speaker 1: experience that they want for themselves first and then they
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  Speaker 1: can give that to other people. And the beautiful thing
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  Speaker 1: about that was that God gave me the experience of
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  Speaker 1: seeing my brokenness and allowed me to create right the
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  Speaker 1: experience I want for myself. And so that I am
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  Speaker 1: my academic and now that stuff is pretty cool. But
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  Speaker 1: I am qualified by my brokenness and my pain that
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  Speaker 1: I fuse with other people. I am qualified by the
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  Speaker 1: peace that I've brought and I was able to create
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  Speaker 1: from that. And so I'm not just speaking from you know,
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  Speaker 1: credentials and accolades. And don't get me wrong, I love
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  Speaker 1: on pro education. I think it's amazing. But I do
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  Speaker 1: find that my experiences and my brokenness and me having
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  Speaker 1: to been there, and the empathy versus sympathy I can
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  Speaker 1: give my clients is where we fuse and it's where
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  Speaker 1: I tend to heal and help them the most. And
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  Speaker 1: they say it, they say, doc, when you self disclosed
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  Speaker 1: and you share your stories with us, which most therapists
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  Speaker 1: and coaches don't. More therapists don't. Coaches do more, which
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  Speaker 1: is what I am. They're like, that changes my life,
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  Speaker 1: That makes me feel more more equal eye to eye
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  Speaker 1: to you and lets me know that you're human and
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  Speaker 1: I'm able to relate more. And that's that's that's what
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  Speaker 1: I want. I want to say, look at me, I'm
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  Speaker 1: all I'm kookie too, and you know I'm crazy too.
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  Speaker 1: And some of my screws I left them over there somewhere.
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  Speaker 1: I can't find that and I don't want to put
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  Speaker 1: them on today. But I'm going to have the most
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  Speaker 1: amazing fabul this day with some screws off. Yeah, okay,
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  Speaker 1: it's okay.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah. And I think I mean what you're.
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  Speaker 4: Talking about here, Modeling that behavior is so important to
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  Speaker 4: cultivate that safe space. And I also love what you
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  Speaker 4: were talking about when you talked about shifting that perspective
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  Speaker 4: which will get us here, lead us into this conversation
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  Speaker 4: about goal setting. You set it right off the bat,
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  Speaker 4: right after I introduced you that a huge issue that
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  Speaker 4: many have with goal setting is that in order to
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  Speaker 4: set goals. You have to start first with knowing who
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  Speaker 4: you are and what it is that you want and.
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  Speaker 3: Not having judgment.
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  Speaker 4: Maybe if you can't really articulate that all that well
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  Speaker 4: right from the get go.
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  Speaker 1: Absolutely and and that is the safe space. So the
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  Speaker 1: safe space is exactly you know what I feel safe
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  Speaker 1: enough to understand that I don't know who I am,
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  Speaker 1: I don't know what I want, and understand that not
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  Speaker 1: everyone feels safe telling their buddies that, and then we
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  Speaker 1: go further telling their you know, their coach or their therapist. Unfortunately,
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  Speaker 1: that's where the safe haven is. I tell my clients
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  Speaker 1: when you come in here, I have a commitment form
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  Speaker 1: or an agreement forum that says that there's three commitments.
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  Speaker 1: It's to be completely wide open and row right, to
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  Speaker 1: be as honest as you can within your capacity so
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  Speaker 1: we can only heal the truth, and to commit to
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  Speaker 1: doing the work and just be authentic.
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  Speaker 5: Right.
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  Speaker 1: And so I think it's more important for people to
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  Speaker 1: understand that you don't have to know what freaking goals
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  Speaker 1: you have and when you try to create them from
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  Speaker 1: the space of I just have to have goals. I
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  Speaker 1: just have to have something that I want to do.
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  Speaker 1: I have to have these three goals and it just
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  Speaker 1: has to be there before I can even do anything.
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  Speaker 1: You create resistance. You're also standing on a foundation that's
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  Speaker 1: not authentically you. And so what happens is you start
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: to process and create these goals, and what happened you
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: get bored because it's not you. And I always tell people,
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: we don't go find our purpose, find yourself, and there's
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: your purpose. So if you're in that gray area saying
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: I don't know what I want to do, that's because
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: you have not yet to find you. So that means
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  Speaker 1: what you need to do in that space is create
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: this relationship with you. But it has to be a
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  Speaker 1: real relationship, like who are you really? Right? What really
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: do you like? I don't care if it's quirky, if
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: it's against your family values, if it's outside of your
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: friendship norm if it's outside of your community societal norms. No,
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  Speaker 1: who are you? And really love that person and start
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  Speaker 1: to create this unconditional love for who you are? And
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  Speaker 1: I promise, like magic, I'm talking about God's speed as
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  Speaker 1: you start to know who who you are and love
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  Speaker 1: whatever the heck comes up as you're you know, as
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  Speaker 1: you are consistently or should I say, paralleling shifting or
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  Speaker 1: changing what you don't like about yourself. All of a sudden,
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  Speaker 1: you know what you love, You know who you want
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  Speaker 1: to be, and then your goals are what gets you
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  Speaker 1: to where you want to be and who you want
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  Speaker 1: to be. Those things are easy to create once you
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  Speaker 1: know who you are. But be okay with saying another
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  Speaker 1: thing is I don't know. Another thing is you can
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: know who you are for forty years, okay, forty years.
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  Speaker 1: This is who I've been, This is what I've stood on,
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  Speaker 1: this is who I'm proud I have been proud to be.
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  Speaker 1: And now I hit forty, forty five or fifty, and
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  Speaker 1: I don't know who the hell I am because that
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  Speaker 1: person I used to be I really don't want to
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  Speaker 1: be anymore. I don't have any interest in any of
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: those things anymore. And so don't go into a dark space.
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  Speaker 1: Don't go in, don't turn the lights off and go,
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  Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I don't know. And I'm fifty and
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  Speaker 1: I should know, and I'm forty five, and all of
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  Speaker 1: a sudden I had it all together and I don't
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  Speaker 1: guess what Welcome to life is all going to fall
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  Speaker 1: apart A few times if it hasn't already for you
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  Speaker 1: and you just didn't know that's what was going on.
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  Speaker 1: But let it fall apart. Be excited about the fall apart,
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  Speaker 1: because then you get to create and build anything that
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: falls apart, you have the opportunity to build, and you
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: get to pick the material like a home that you
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: want to build with. You get to interior decorate your
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: insize of who you want to be again. Perception, how
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: do you perceive your breaking down? Are you perceiving it
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: as the ultimate opportunity to build up everything you've always wanted? Right?
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  Speaker 1: Are you perceiving it as, oh my god, I'm falling
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  Speaker 1: apart and I won't know where to go from here?
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  Speaker 1: When the you know the former answer, which is really
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  Speaker 1: the truth. We're creators and like anything, you got to
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: build down, but you have to tear apart. I don't care.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: If you have a beautiful, huge home and you want
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: to do new flooring, you got to tear that wood up.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: But when that wood is being torn up and you
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: know this beautiful flooring that you picked out is going
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: in there, this marble granite flooring, You're like, can we
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: tear this thing up quicker? You can't wait and that
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  Speaker 1: should be and that shit, that is a better perspective
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  Speaker 1: to have that will give you the best experience of
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: your world is like, oh, this thing has fallen apart.
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  Speaker 1: That means I get to feield something.
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: I love the idea of the fact that you may
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: have a very strong sense of self for a while,
• 14:23
  Speaker 4: but something could happen to shake that and it's okay
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  Speaker 4: to do a little bit of that self inquiry and
• 14:28
  Speaker 4: kind of come back to start as long as you
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: have that perspective that what lies ahead of you could
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  Speaker 4: also be just as beautiful as what you knew before.
• 14:38
  Speaker 4: I also think it's really important here to establish that
• 14:41
  Speaker 4: oftentimes if we don't know ourselves holy or we're not
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  Speaker 4: really understanding, you know, who it is that we are
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: when we walk out the door in the morning, it
• 14:49
  Speaker 4: can lead to us like establishing goals that actually have
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: nothing to do with our own personal interests. Something I
• 14:56
  Speaker 4: talked a lot about in the show a few years
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: back was that, in finding and learn arning a lot
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: about myself, got really comfortable and excited about solo travel, right.
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: And I think that when you hear someone else is
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: really excited about this thing, it's easy to get like
• 15:10
  Speaker 4: wrapped up in that, and I would have listeners of
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: the show that would go on their own solo travel
• 15:16
  Speaker 4: and I could tell by the way that they were
• 15:19
  Speaker 4: sending me constant photos of it, dming with me during dinner.
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: My question to them and my challenge at times, was, hey,
• 15:27
  Speaker 4: take this time to be with yourself, like ask yourself,
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: like what is it from.
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  Speaker 3: This experience that you want? Who are you right now?
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: And value that time because don't do something just because
• 15:39
  Speaker 4: you saw that I did it. Do something because you
• 15:41
  Speaker 4: you want to do it.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: That was such great advice. I am the Otis of seven,
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: and I always tell my my siblings, especially my brother Shane.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: I say, you know, baby, we're living years apart. I say, baby, listen,
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: you know I have high expectations. We've came from the
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: inner city.
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  Speaker 5: You know.
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  Speaker 1: I was the first to go to college, you know,
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: as far as generational and go all the way obviously
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: to the you know, my doctorate level. And my brother's
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: not into the education piece. He's more entrepreneurial and he
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: does his thing and he's killing it in his world.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: But I say, I've always told you, you know, I
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  Speaker 1: want you to use and look at me as my
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: drive and my work ethic and me being a powerhouse
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: and whatever else you see me. And I want you
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: to grab the things that you really love right implement
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: them into your world. If they work, keep them, if
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: they don't, rid them, and I won't be offended. I
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: want you to be a rock star, like you just said,
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  Speaker 1: in your own authentic way. And I don't want you
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: to feel like you have to do as I do
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: for me to feel as though you admire me. I
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: want you to pick the things from me and take them,
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: and the things even advice I tell him that I
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: give you, if you don't agree with those respectfully, say sis,
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: I hear you, but I'm gonna go left. And I said,
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: I'm a roll with you left until the wills fall off.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: And even if left doesn't get you your to the
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: end result and we have to go back to do
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: it the other way. I'm okay with that. But the
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: idea is, I want you to exercise your own, you know,
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: internal locus muscle. I want you to exercise your own
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  Speaker 1: decision making muscle so that you do and you start
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: to create what makes you as a young man happy,
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: Because at the end of all of this stuff from
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: education to entrepreneurial, to this amazing podcast you have emily,
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: to anything else you could think. If it goes back
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: to what you said, there are more times where the
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: road will be you and you and you, and if
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: you can't create something that you you and you can
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: look at each other and say, listen, I we are
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: having the time of our life. You are going to
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: be a world of trouble. That's when the light went off.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: Depression comes in, anxiety comes in, and unfortunately a lot
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: of people can't find the freaking light switch in the dark.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: And for me, I'm going listen to my clients who
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: I invest everything I have into them, and again to
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: know my siblings and my brother I just I want
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: because I've learned to love myself unconditionally, I am able
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: to give them permission, not that they need my permission,
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: but I'm able to give them permission to choose a
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: blueprint that's unconditional for them, and I'm able to walk
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: that road side by side with them, and I'm able
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: to understand when they have to depart and do their
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: own thing. But you're one hundred percent right when I
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: learned that, you know, years ago as a young girl
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: that hey this road is kind of like I can
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: get lonely even when I'm a room full of a
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: room full of people, if I don't learn to create
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: a world and experience that really is beautiful for me,
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: me perfectly perfectly creating and custom for doctor Shyanne Bryant.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: If I don't do that, this thing's gonna be really
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: really challenging. When I learned to do that, I am glowing,
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: and I am enjoy and I am in peace, whether
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: it's five hundred people in the room or it's just me,
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: because I've learned to fuse with the one person you
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: will never depart from, and that's yourself.
• 19:23
  Speaker 4: You're kind of like the flashlight in the dark room
• 19:26
  Speaker 4: for all of those people. Now, so we've established that
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: it's okay to maybe not know exactly who you are
• 19:33
  Speaker 4: and do some soul searching to figure that out. But
• 19:35
  Speaker 4: for those that can feel confident and where they are
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: who they are, we're talking about setting some goals.
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: Where does one even begin?
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I love that. I love that question because
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: I'm I always say words don't teach, experience does, and
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: so I'm like you, you know, I don't believe in
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: telling people what to do I believe in following up
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: with the how to write and then giving them the
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: experience because of how to give you experience and the
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: you know what to do just gives you obviously the
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: textual textbook you know tips on how to do it,
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: so how to do it again once you. Tip number
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: one is obviously to you know whatever it takes, take
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: a long walk, sit by yourself for thirty forty minutes.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: I'm big on meditation, but the thing is to sit
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: with self. Let whatever comes up comes up. Don't judge yourself.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: Get in contact with your emotions and what you feel
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: and what feels good and what doesn't feel good, which
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: is getting to know yourself. That is tip number one
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: for everything in life, especially for setting goals, because then
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: you get to know who you are and what you
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: like and what you want. And then the second thing
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: is you write out a whole list on a piece
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: of paper. On the left side, you write down all
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: the things that make you feel good, all the things
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: that make you happy. On the left side you tie
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: into that what it would take to obtain those things. Okay,
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: the left side of what it would take to obtain
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: those things. After you get that, you say Okay, so
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: from a scale of one to ten, how much enjoyment
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: would I find in doing what it would take? Okay,
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: the things that are eight and up you keep on there.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: The things that are eight and below get rid of them.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: The things that are eight and above you tie them
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: to what you associated, what you love to do, and
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: you start to create a goal as to what would
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: that goal be. What would that look like? For example,
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: for me with my practice, I said, okay, I did
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: Monday through Sunday when I first started out, and I'm going, yep,
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: i want money through Sunday. I love what I do,
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: I want to do this, And then it changed over
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: the years. I'm going, no, I want Friday through Sunday
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: as my day's off. Even though I love what I do,
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: I want those days off and you Friday so I
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: could do all my interviews, I can do all my
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: podcast my publications, and the weekends to have to myself
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: so I can have a well balanced life. But see
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: how we spoke earlier. For about ten years, Monday through
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: Sunday was something I freaking loved. I couldn't go a
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: day without my clients. I mean, I didn't do it
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: for the money. I literally loved interacting and fusing and
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: helping my clients and being in session. Ten years later,
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: you know, I changed as a person, as a woman.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: I want it more me time. Now. There's going to
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: be times in the midst of doing your happy stuff
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: that you may want to take a break, or you
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: may feel like, Okay, this is becoming a little redundant
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: because I'm doing the same thing. Take a break, That's okay.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: But how you know if it's something that ignites you
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: is when you take a break, you miss it like
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: you will your partner you're in love with, like you
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: will someone you're dating, and you know the relationship is
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: in a healthy space. You may say I need my
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: me time, but your meantime only last is so long
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: before you miss that person. So I want you to
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: think of your goals as a relationship because it is
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: with yourself saying do I miss my goals, Like when
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: I go on vacation, I miss my clients. I've had
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: clients say, doctor Brant, you're in Africa, like, seriously, we're
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: not going to do sessions. And my client actually wanted
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: to coach row and said, no, I refuse to even
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: do sessions with the work when you're on vacation because
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: you give us so much. And I was a little
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: not okay with that because I missed my clients, you know.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: But I say that to say I want you to
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: pay attention to how you feel about the goals that
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: you're doing. Because at the end of the day, everything
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: that we want, I eat. The goals that we set
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: is ticket is what we want. It's only for us
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: to feel a certain way, and that's just real. We're
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: not doing anything for any other payoff but to feel
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: good or feel happy. And this is why I always
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: tell my clients, I say, we have one goal. You
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: have one goal, and that's to be happy. Because if
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: your goal is to be happy all the time, and
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: happy doesn't mean you're out of ten all the time happy.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: It can be you're out of six but you feel
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: really really good. You know you're out of seven, but
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: you feel super super balanced. You're not blasting with excitement,
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: but you're in extreme harmony and you feel so peaceful.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: And this calmness is just giving you everything you need.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: And so the key thing is to feel good about
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: your goals. Once you understand what makes you feel good,
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: then you start to ask yourself third tool and tip
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: is what is my payoff for this? What is my payoff?
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: For example, what is my payoff with me being in session,
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: with me being a doctor of psychology? My payoff is
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: not the fuduciary gain that I get. Is it good?
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: Of course, everyone wants to live a good call of life,
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: at least I do. But my payoff for me is
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: when my clients have breakthroughs, when my clients tell me,
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: do you change my life? My clients say, you know,
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: eight months ago, doctor Brant, you said, I'm going wow.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: You remember eight months ago in our session what I said,
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: and I apply that, doctor Brant? You know what? You know?
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: I did those tips and tools and our marriage has changed.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: What is your payoff? Right? And when your payoff is
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: something that lights you up, but even lightship to the
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: point where you feel emotional about it, that is a
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: goal for you. That is something that you should do
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: because that's that's going to recharge you as you are
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: putting out into whomoever whatever you're putting out to really quick,
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: and you want to make sure that you are not
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: recharging others while you are uncharging and depleting yourself, because
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: once you're on e you don't have anything else to give,
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: and guess what, you can't continue to work on those goals.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: No matter what you do, it becomes extremely heavy, it
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: becomes extremely termocials, and it becomes rigorous for you to
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: be in it and listen. Forget the small goals right now.
• 25:35
  Speaker 5: The big goal, the overall goal that these little goals
• 25:39
  Speaker 5: are to you know, obtain or get you to, is happiness.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: Are you freaking happy doing this? And if you're not,
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: don't be afraid of going it all the way.
• 25:56
  Speaker 4: Taking a break from today's episode to talk to you
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: about my sponsors. First up, Baron Fig. Now, I have
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• 26:11
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• 26:15
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• 26:18
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• 26:19
  Speaker 3: And honestly, this is why I love Baron Fig.
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• 28:44
  Speaker 4: were saying about the fact that at one point a
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: goal can be good for you, and that doesn't mean
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: that you aren't or cannot go.
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: For a goal that might be a little bit bigger.
• 28:55
  Speaker 4: I mean, I feel like a great example of this
• 28:57
  Speaker 4: is when someone starts running, for example, and they set
• 29:02
  Speaker 4: a goal to run a mile. At that same time
• 29:04
  Speaker 4: they set a goal to run a marathon. Well, all
• 29:07
  Speaker 4: of the things on that list that would get them
• 29:09
  Speaker 4: to where they need to be to run the marathon
• 29:10
  Speaker 4: would feel completely bizarre and outlandish at that point, but
• 29:14
  Speaker 4: setting a goal to run one mile a couple of
• 29:17
  Speaker 4: days a week could be a process that that same
• 29:21
  Speaker 4: person would really enjoy.
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: Now that doesn't mean that there is never a marathon
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: in their life.
• 29:26
  Speaker 4: It just means that at that point, right then, right there,
• 29:29
  Speaker 4: they might find they may find a little bit more
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: enjoyment starting small, Which leads me into my next question
• 29:36
  Speaker 4: for you about kind of the sizes of our goals.
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: Right, we talked about a lot of small, little doables.
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: Would you say that there is a safe way to
• 29:45
  Speaker 4: set really big goals without setting really small goals or
• 29:49
  Speaker 4: how does someone even navigate something like that?
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: Totally? I think that it all depends on the person.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: It all depends on how discipline a committed you've been
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: in the past to you know, completing your goals. I
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: think that for someone who you know just sets their
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: goals and they're very committed, they're very disciplined, they get
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: through them. Is someone who I would say, your only
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: problem is you're dreaming too small. Go big, go big,
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: go crazy, go big, go crazy. Stretch yourself. You have
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: the discipline, apply the discipline to the big goals as
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: you have been the small goals, and go big. Why
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: are you going small now? For someone who and this
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: person is no you know, less or better than the
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: person the person I just described, But for someone who
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: just doesn't yet have the discipline, the obedience and that
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: commitment to you know, complete their goals, go small. Because
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: what happens is as we complete our goals, we become empowered.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: And so the idea is, if you can empower yourself,
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: which is the belief in yourself to say I can
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: do this, you start to exercise your commitment muscle, your
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: discipline and obedience muscle. And the idea is to get
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: that muscle so big that it has muscle memories like
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: our real muscles do in our body, and you no
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: longer have to really exercise it. That muscle shows up
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: in both when it's time to go and when it's
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: game time. The muscle shows up, like you know, the
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: person like myself, I shouldn't go oriented in the senses.
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: I can create a huge goal and I just am
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: buried commit it and I go and kill it. But
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: I haven't always been that way right. When I would
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: say a teenage girl or in my first years of
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: undergrad college, I would create get certain classes or create
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: certain goals, and then I'd be like, if, ah, I
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: doing this no more? Right? Keyword though, Emily, I don't
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: feel like doing this. No more. Commitment is not a feeling.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: Commitment is doing what you said you would do regards
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: of how you feel. That's when you know you're ready
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: for the big, big, big I call the big dog
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: goals or small dog goals and big dog goals. The
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: big dog goals say, no matter what I do, if
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: I create a goal, I'm committed and no matter what
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: it takes, I'm getting to the finish line of that
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: marathon you just mentioned. Right, The small dog goals say,
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: you know what, back to what you said, Emily, let
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: me start off with half a mile, let me start
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: off with maybe even a lap. Don't judge yourself. So
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: what the point and idea is to complete that at
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: what you're setting. If you're in, if you're the small dog, right,
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: complete that what you're setting so you can be empowered
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: to do more, and do not compare yourself to others,
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: and don't judge yourself because Listen, you're building a muscle,
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: and just focus on the fact that as I build
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: this muscle, I get to graduate and become this big dog.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: And when you're in the big dog failed, I'm telling you,
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: it's a world that is there's empowerment everywhere, and so
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: you're fused by everyone. It's just the truth. But it
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: doesn't mean that you're a little dog in the sense
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: that you won't be able to even surpass some of
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: the big dogs, because that's where the underdog comes in
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: at and you're like, oh, whoa, the underdog is now
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: winning super Bowls.
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: Right on that note of the journey.
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: Even for some of us who may feel a little
• 33:03
  Speaker 4: bit more comfortable being a big dog and dreaming big,
• 33:06
  Speaker 4: of course, there are the occasional hurdles that pop up
• 33:10
  Speaker 4: that are unexpected or ones that really knock us down
• 33:13
  Speaker 4: and perhaps prevent you from going after that initial big goal.
• 33:19
  Speaker 4: So what advice do you offer to individuals who do
• 33:23
  Speaker 4: come across these unexpected hurdles and how can they keep
• 33:27
  Speaker 4: or search for seek out that positive mindset that they're
• 33:30
  Speaker 4: going to need to get back up and stand on
• 33:32
  Speaker 4: their own two feet.
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: Get a coach. More than that, get an effective life
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: coach or a therapist who can do it. Get an
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: effective coach who can see your authenticity, who can see
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: inside of you some of the parts that you've turned off.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: Because the idea of an effective coach is we go in,
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: we grab and sometimes you guys are uncomfortable with us
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: being in there, but it doesn't matter. That's our job.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: And we pull out the beautiful stuff that you go, well,
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: that's not me, and we're like, yeah, look at this.
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: That is you. Wow, look at this. You can do it.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: You've done it before you've even completed it. And guess what,
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: I got your back. I'm going to give you tools
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: to do it. Let's go. That's not what commitment is.
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: You can't stop when you don't feel good. That's how
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: you create that empowered, positive mindset that you're referring to.
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: And I want to say for those who cannot afford
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: a coach, because my thing is it's a human right
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: for every single person who has air to have a
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: good quality of life. Okay, not everybody can afford a coach.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: And I don't want to be that coach that says,
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: get a coach you can't afford it. I don't know
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: you're just crap out of love. That's not true. You
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: can't afford a coach, right, or maybe you can and
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: you're still in that indecisive gray area mode. That's okay.
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: Celebrate yourself where you are, or go to YouTube and
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: go to YouTube is free and you watch. I have
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: a Doctor Bryant channel that you can watch many of
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: my videos. I am a fan of Abraham Hicks. I
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: watch her like crazy. She's like go to when I'm
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: feeling like one of my screws is lost, Bishop Tdjakes.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: If you want to go to the more religious aspect
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: of it, if you want to go spiritual, it's Abraham Hicks.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: And when you go to YouTube you see many other
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: things that are there. Click on what works for you.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: If it works for you, you allow it to penetrate
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: you until it no longer works. That means it can
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: work for five years, twenty years, five months. If you
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: have grown with that thing that works and outgrown it,
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: starts to seek something else that you can that keeps
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: your mind somewhere. Listen, I've been doing this work for
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: thirteen years, and I've had a huge transition from my
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: broken pieces to pieces, probably about ten years ago. And
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: even in my ten years of work. And I do
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: work every day. Every morning I wake up, I meditate
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: first for twenty minutes, and then I get my coffee.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: I do my evening or afternoon runs, whatever that looks like.
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: I see my clients. I do a lot of audio books.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: I listen to my Abraham Hicks, my Tdjakes. My point
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: is I do an overwhelmingly amount of healthy work on myself.
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: Still now my work now isn't me getting anywhere? My
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: work now? Is me maintaining where I'm at because I
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: freaking love it here. It's peaceful, it's amazing, and guess
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: what I created it? So no matter where I go,
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: I bring that at which I need with me to
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: the party, to the boardroom, to the park, to the household,
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: wherever I'm at. But I still have to do my work,
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: and Emily, when I go a couple of days which
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: I usually don't but I try not to do without meditating,
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: or I don't do what is therapeutic for me, my
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: three mile run multiple times a week. If I don't
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: get my me time to empty out the dumping of
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: what came in, I feel it and what does that
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: look like on me? I want to tell your listeners
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: because it looks very similar on them as well. I
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: get a little bit short tempered, I get a little antsy,
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: I get kind of fatigue. I start to feel fall brain,
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: I start to feel out of alignment, which means I'm
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: feeling discord within myself. How do you know when you're
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: in discord? Because you start to have resistant a little
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: bit of combative engagements with people, whether it be your parents,
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: your friends, or the person outside. You can feel yourself
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: project onto people what the heck you're going through. And
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: when I feel myself get a little upset at the
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: person driving too slow, I go, mm hmm, it ain't them.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: Check yourself. You need a little more on me time.
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: Maybe you need to go for that three mile run.
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: Maybe you need to meditate, because you have meditated in
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: two days. It goes back to self. And when I
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: take accountability, I'm able to shift and make my road
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: and my experience what I want it to be. No
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: one has that control, and so be okay with that,
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: and make sure you're tapping in with self all the time,
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: and make sure you're doing daily not yearly, daily checking
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: hey how I'm doing? You know, I say, hey, Hey, Shi,
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: Shai is my name, and hey, hay Shi, how you feeling?
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: You know, I don't feel like you smile and an
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: the inside and I go, okay, let me smile. But
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: I check in with me all day, Emily, Are you okay?
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: I am you sure? Do you need a break? I don't.
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: I love what you said just there.
• 38:10
  Speaker 4: And I think that also when it comes to these
• 38:13
  Speaker 4: hurdles that we might face, you reiterating that asking for
• 38:17
  Speaker 4: help is important. I remember, I think it was this
• 38:19
  Speaker 4: morning that I was watching the Today Show and there
• 38:22
  Speaker 4: was a segment on men's health and just the alarming
• 38:25
  Speaker 4: statistics that so many men don't even seek out like
• 38:28
  Speaker 4: a general care their primary care physician during the year
• 38:32
  Speaker 4: because it's almost as though they feel as though checking
• 38:34
  Speaker 4: in on their body is them doing too much or
• 38:37
  Speaker 4: needing that, you know, all of branch, when that's not
• 38:40
  Speaker 4: the truth at all. The same goes for our mental health,
• 38:42
  Speaker 4: and when, especially when we're talking about goal setting here,
• 38:46
  Speaker 4: is that it's just so integral at one point or
• 38:49
  Speaker 4: another when things aren't going your way, to say, hey,
• 38:53
  Speaker 4: like I need to do a debrief, I need to
• 38:55
  Speaker 4: dive into what's happening here, and just you know, have
• 38:59
  Speaker 4: some grace.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: That entire process one hundred percent, you know, which you said,
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: is so powerful. There's power in asking for help, and
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: there's power in receiving that help. Okay, you want to
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: go fast, go alone, you want to go far, go
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: as a team. Be easy on yourself and allow yourself
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: to just feel. Another thing is you know, sometimes you
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: don't need to do anything. Sometimes you don't need to
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: run that mile. Sometimes it's not time to set any goals.
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: It's time to do nothing at all and allow yourself
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: to be okay in that space. And when I say
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: do nothing, I'm not saying do nothing for months, to
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: do nothing for weeks. I'm saying, give yourself the day,
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: if you may need the week to say, you know,
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna do nothing but be in my pajamas. I'm
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: gonna drink my coffee, my tea, and I'm gonna sit
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: in my emotions and I'm going to really get in
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: contact and fuse with myself. That week can catapult you
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: five years ahead. That's where people don't understand. This is
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: not about who can work the hardest, who can kill
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: themselves with this work ethic that just drives them in
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: the ground. That's not a good quality of life. That's
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: imbalanced or unbalanced, and it's unhealthy. The idea is, you know,
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: how can I it's the law of non resistance. How
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: can I do less and get more? That doesn't mean
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: you're cheating people what they get from you. That's not
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: what it means, or even yourself. That means how can
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: I make my mind? How can I make my law
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: of attraction calibrate and work for me? Because we are
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: attracting things, we are not outfinding things. Finding is exhausting,
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: that's called doing. Attracting is empowering, that's called being. And
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: when you are just being, you will attract everything of
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: who you are, because we attract who we are despite
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: of who we think we are. So if you really
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: want to do an assessment and a measurement on what
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: the heck is going on with you inside internally, just
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: seek nothing, attract everything, and then look at it as
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: observer and go, oh, okay, so I'm attracting this, or
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: maybe argumentative people, or I'm attracting givers or I'm attracting takers,
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: And then you go, okay, that's what I am, and
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: don't deny it, just say that's what I am. Don't
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: beat yourself up and write it down on a piece
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: of paper and say, I don't want to be this,
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: but I do love being this. So let me calibrate different.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: Let me take that out of my calibration and my
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: energetic whirlpool. Because all we're doing are these We're these
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: little you know, calibrators who attracts who we are. And
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: guess what we do. We throw out who we are,
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: so we attract and we project, and we see in
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: others who we are, not who they are. So start
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: to look at people. This is a good homework for
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: all of your hurdlers. Look at I want you to
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: take inventory, right, I want you to take a piece
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: of paper out and start to take five people in
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: your world, and I want you to write down what
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: you see in them, and don't be biased good and bad,
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: because whatever you see in them is really what you
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: see in you. Because we see in others who we are,
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: not who they are. And write that down and then
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: look at it and take inventory and go, Okay, I'm
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: a little funky over here, I'm killing it over here,
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: I'm doing my thing. And then just take that list,
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: work on it. And I want you to create goals
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: from that list as to Okay, my goal is to
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: become more of these things that I really love. And
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: I don't want you to even focus on the things
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: that you don't because what we focus on magnifies. Don't
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: water the plant, we don't want to grow. Throw all
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: those things away that you don't like in the people
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: that you are around, because member, that's who you are,
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: not them. But then focus and make goals that say,
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be more smiley, I'm going to be
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: more I'm going to be more compatible with people. I'm
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: going to be more of an EBB and flow with people.
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: When I have a difference in it opinion, I'm going
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: to start to say, you know, you made a good point. However,
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: you know I think it would look better this way.
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: Know how to approach. If that's something on your list
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: that you find in someone else you like, that means
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: you got it too. And then celebrate yourself. You know
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: we will. You can't beat yourself down and build yourself
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: up at the same time. And I tell my clients,
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: so you got to choose one. So if you choose
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: build yourself up, then let's celebrate ourselves. Let's celebrate when
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: we are bold enough and we love ourself enough Emily
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: to take a day or two or a week off,
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: that's something to be proud of. You know what. I
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: allow myself to take a couple of days off, and
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: I allow myself to be okay with it. Celebrate that,
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: and then the days when you know, I was totally
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: committed because I didn't feel like doing any of this,
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: but I did it all. And I deserve a glass
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: of wine tonight. I deserve to be in my pj's
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: and watch my show. Maybe I want to have a
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: two hour conversation with my girlfriend about absolutely nothing. I
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: deserve that. That is celebration, and for me, I deserve
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: to have a week in vacation like Emily does solo.
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: Then do that, embrace it, and be celebratory the entire
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: time that you're doing it. We have to learn to
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: feel good about ourselves, especially women and especially men who
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: are which statistically has proven men who don't not only
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: ask for help, but they don't open and not open
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: to receiving help. They have to start to celebrate that
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: vulnerable space of them asking for help right and then
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: receiving it and being grateful and okay with it and
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: not feeling less than our week because you receive something
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: that society or learned behavior taught you you should be
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: able to do on your own. That's not true.
• 44:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And I mean you're leading us right into where
• 44:50
  Speaker 4: I wanted to kind of wind down our conversation today,
• 44:53
  Speaker 4: which is on this note of celebration and making the
• 44:56
  Speaker 4: time to recognize that work that you have done to
• 45:00
  Speaker 4: get to where you want to be.
• 45:01
  Speaker 3: So, what advice do you have for anyone who is in.
• 45:06
  Speaker 4: This phase, right in this phase of completing their goal,
• 45:10
  Speaker 4: how do they proceed from there?
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: Totally? You know there's milestones in the middle of your goal,
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: and say your goal takes four steps, you should have
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: a plan that says, hey, on step number two, I'm
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: turning up on step number four, I'm going to celebrate
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: like crazy, and then celebrate in ways that recharge you,
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: that make you feel like a powerhouse, that make you
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: feel so loved. And the key thing to celebration is
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: to surround yourself with people who celebrate you too, not
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: just merely tolerate you. And you don't have to shift
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: who you are when you walk in the room. Be
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: a stirty Oaks, so that when you walk in the room,
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: the furniture comes to you, and that not from an
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: arrogant space. All that means, Emily is find folks that
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: are compatible and conducive to you. Because if they're compatible
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: and conducive to you, guess what you're compatible conducive to them.
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: That's called alignment. We now got harmony. It doesn't matter
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: if you got too crazy people, to boring people, to
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: allow people introvert, to introvert to people. Find your tribe
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: and go there and celebrate there and talk about all
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: your goals and everything you're doing and how amazing it is.
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: And make sure that the number one person that you're
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: talking to and that you're having a relationship with and
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: that you are allowing to celebrate you as a person
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: you're never depart from. And that's yourself. And so everything
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: goes back to self. Learn how to feel really good
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: about everything you do, even when nobody's cheering for you,
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: even when nobody gets it and when they don't agree
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: with it. There is a really special balance that I
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: try to teach all the time, and people always go,
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: that's hard, doctor b I say, you have to learn
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: the balance of really really caring for people and about people.
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: But not giving the damn about how they feel about you.
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: Not an easy space to obtain. But once you're there, man,
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: you're in the money. You're in the money because then
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: you can say, you know, I love you, Emily, I
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: care about you, I got your back, You're my girl,
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: but you don't influence my value. And that would be
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: the healthiest, the epitome of a healthy friendship. But that's
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: also also the peak of emotional intelligence, which is a
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: whole other show.
• 47:37
  Speaker 4: It's another episode that will do next month. Maybe I
• 47:41
  Speaker 4: love the idea of harmony. I love the idea of
• 47:44
  Speaker 4: lifting one another up and surrounding yourself with people that
• 47:47
  Speaker 4: not only support you, but cheer you on. I know,
• 47:49
  Speaker 4: it's so so important and so many unbelievable takeaways in
• 47:53
  Speaker 4: today's episode, Doctor Brian, give the hurdler some information. Let
• 47:57
  Speaker 4: them know how do they follow along with you? How
• 47:59
  Speaker 4: do they keep up with you? Give me the details.
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: So to find doctor b I'm on Instagram and Twitter
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: at Underscore doctor Bryant. My website is doctor Bryant dot
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: co and that's doctor Bryant dot CEO, not dot com.
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: And then on Facebook you just put in doctor Shane
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: Bryant and The cool thing is if you just google me,
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: doctor Shyan Bryant, my book Mental Detoks comes up number one,
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: and for some reason, the universe must have felt very
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: good about me. I come up number one on Google.
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: So try it out. And thanks for tuning. And I
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: really hope that y'all have taken away some tools and
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: some tips that you will apply to your life, because
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: the truth of the matter is, if you do the work,
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: it works.
• 48:42
  Speaker 4: Do the work, it works. I'm over at Emily A
• 48:45
  Speaker 4: Badi and at Hurdle Podcasts. Another hurdle conquered. Catch you
• 48:49
  Speaker 4: guys next time.