Latest / Quick Wins for ADHD Moms - Short Episodes, Real Solutions for Burnout and Overwhelm / The ADHD Secret: It’s Executive Dysfunction, Not Laziness | 007

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The ADHD Secret: It’s Executive Dysfunction, Not Laziness | 007 · Quick Wins for ADHD Moms - Short Episodes, Real Solutions for Burnout and Overwhelm

• 0:01
  Jessica Lewis: Hey, welcome back to the ADHD MOM podcast.
• 0:04
  Jessica Lewis: Today's episode we're talking about executive functioning.
• 0:08
  Jessica Lewis: Have you heard that word before?
• 0:09
  Jessica Lewis: If not, what the heck is it and why does it affect us so much?
• 0:14
  Jessica Lewis: Well, if you've ever looked at a sink full of dishes and you just stand there staring at it and have no idea what to do first, that's executive dysfunction.
• 0:25
  Jessica Lewis: Or maybe you have five things to do, but you just can't start even one.
• 0:29
  Jessica Lewis: You don't even know where to start.
• 0:30
  Jessica Lewis: If that's you, this episode is just for you.
• 0:34
  Jessica Lewis: Before we talk about what executive dysfunction is and what it looks like in your life and your kids' life, here's a quick win for the day.
• 0:43
  Jessica Lewis: We've talked about this before, but just write down one thing that's stuck in your brain that you haven't started getting it out of your head onto a sticky note onto your phone on the back of a receipt, wherever.
• 0:57
  Jessica Lewis: That one act of externalizing the task gives your brain relief, clarity, and just a little bit of momentum because when it lives in your head.
• 1:06
  Jessica Lewis: It grows, right?
• 1:08
  Jessica Lewis: It gets bigger and bigger and bigger.
• 1:10
  Jessica Lewis: And the small task of call your doctor to schedule an appointment becomes a full day of feeling overwhelmed and stressed.
• 1:19
  Jessica Lewis: And if you just write it down, the task shrinks It makes it into this small task that it really actually is.
• 1:26
  Jessica Lewis: So get it out of your head.
• 1:27
  Jessica Lewis: Just write it down in that task or thing that's been hanging in your head, won't grow any bigger.
• 1:34
  Jessica Lewis: So today we're diving into executive dysfunction.
• 1:37
  Jessica Lewis: It sounds super clinical, maybe boring, but if you're an ADHD mom, it basically explains half your life.
• 1:45
  Jessica Lewis: It also explains your kid's life.
• 1:47
  Jessica Lewis: So what is executive dysfunction?
• 1:49
  Jessica Lewis: Your executive functions are like the CEO of your brain, so they help you plan, prioritize, shift, focus, make decisions.
• 1:59
  Jessica Lewis: Do you struggle with all of this?
• 2:01
  Jessica Lewis: Well, it's because of executive dysfunction.
• 2:04
  Jessica Lewis: So when the CEO or the one who plans and prioritizes and starts things, when that CEO goes offline, welcome to executive dysfunction.
• 2:14
  Jessica Lewis: What does that look like for us?
• 2:16
  Jessica Lewis: ADHD moms?
• 2:17
  Jessica Lewis: Well, it doesn't always look that dramatic.
• 2:20
  Jessica Lewis: Sometimes it could look like standing in your kitchen and you're overwhelmed because you know that dinner needs to be made, but you can't figure out where to start.
• 2:29
  Jessica Lewis: What am I gonna make?
• 2:30
  Jessica Lewis: What ingredients do I have?
• 2:32
  Jessica Lewis: Can I reuse something that's already in the fridge?
• 2:34
  Jessica Lewis: Did we already eat that yesterday?
• 2:37
  Jessica Lewis: Is it healthy?
• 2:38
  Jessica Lewis: Do I care about being healthy today?
• 2:40
  Jessica Lewis: All of these things are roaming around in your head and you just don't know where to start.
• 2:44
  Jessica Lewis: Executive dysfunction also could look like walking into a room and forgetting why you're there again.
• 2:51
  Jessica Lewis: I talk to my daughter about this.
• 2:53
  Jessica Lewis: We do this all the time.
• 2:55
  Jessica Lewis: We're like, oh, I need to go do, and then we'll walk into the room and then totally forget why we were there.
• 3:01
  Jessica Lewis: So then we come back to where we were and remember, oh, right, that's what I was doing.
• 3:05
  Jessica Lewis: That's what I need.
• 3:06
  Jessica Lewis: We go back into the other room and it's like this cycle of forgetting.
• 3:11
  Jessica Lewis: It's, it's quite impressive actually.
• 3:14
  Jessica Lewis: Executive dysfunction could also look like procrastinating, phone calls or emails until they turn into emergencies.
• 3:21
  Jessica Lewis: It could look like getting stuck in that everything feels urgent, but I can't start anything spiral.
• 3:29
  Jessica Lewis: If you've got an ADHD brain, I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about.
• 3:33
  Jessica Lewis: So why does it hit us moms so hard?
• 3:37
  Jessica Lewis: Well, it's not just ADHD, it's a fact that you're a mom and you're probably managing your kids' emotional needs and their physical schedules, your own work and responsibilities, and the invisible mental load of a whole household.
• 3:51
  Jessica Lewis: School forms, birthday gifts, grocery lists, soccer practices, baseball games.
• 3:57
  Jessica Lewis: You've got a lot on your plate already, and it just adds to the overwhelm.
• 4:01
  Jessica Lewis: So when executive dysfunction kicks in, it doesn't just inconvenience you, it affects the entire family, and that's where shame creeps in.
• 4:11
  Jessica Lewis: You start wondering, why can't I just get it together?
• 4:15
  Jessica Lewis: Well, let's talk about why this is happening.
• 4:18
  Jessica Lewis: This part right here might help you breathe easier because executive dysfunction isn't a character flaw.
• 4:24
  Jessica Lewis: It's actually brain-based.
• 4:26
  Jessica Lewis: So let's break it down.
• 4:28
  Jessica Lewis: Your brain is wired differently and it might not feel like it because this is just how you have always survived, right?
• 4:36
  Jessica Lewis: So the part of the brain responsible for executive function is called the prefrontal cortex.
• 4:43
  Jessica Lewis: It's typically underactive in people with ADHD.
• 4:46
  Jessica Lewis: So planning, prioritizing, shifting between tasks, all of that takes extra effort.
• 4:53
  Jessica Lewis: So your brain's not broken.
• 4:54
  Jessica Lewis: It's just working harder to do the same job.
• 4:57
  Jessica Lewis: And you probably see this with some of your friends that don't have ADHD, like how do they manage all of this?
• 5:04
  Jessica Lewis: It's because their prefrontal cortex is more active and can execute on things.
• 5:09
  Jessica Lewis: Ours is a little bit slower and it takes a little bit extra effort.
• 5:13
  Jessica Lewis: Another reason why you might be experiencing executive dysfunction is you might have lower levels of dopamine or norepinephrine.
• 5:21
  Jessica Lewis: These are two chemicals that help with attention, motivation, and task initiation.
• 5:27
  Jessica Lewis: So when you want to do something, your brain might not be firing up the reward signal to get started.
• 5:34
  Jessica Lewis: Overwhelm makes executive dysfunction worse.
• 5:37
  Jessica Lewis: Shocker, right?
• 5:38
  Jessica Lewis: Stress, noise, too many decisions.
• 5:42
  Jessica Lewis: All of that overloads your system.
• 5:45
  Jessica Lewis: And when your nervous system is in fight, flight, or freeze, your executive function basically goes offline, and this is when you start scrolling.
• 5:55
  Jessica Lewis: Hello, Instagram reels, zoning out, or even crying over something tiny.
• 6:01
  Jessica Lewis: I have felt this in the middle of grocery shopping.
• 6:04
  Jessica Lewis: Standing in Walmart, forgetting my list, and it's overwhelming.
• 6:08
  Jessica Lewis: The lights are so bright, the music is loud.
• 6:13
  Jessica Lewis: The people are crazy.
• 6:15
  Jessica Lewis: And the Walmart shoppers, you know, with the big huge carts, like I'm getting run over by them every turn.
• 6:22
  Jessica Lewis: It's overwhelming.
• 6:23
  Jessica Lewis: And I literally feel like crying in the middle of Walmart over grocery shopping.
• 6:29
  Jessica Lewis: So overwhelm makes it worse.
• 6:31
  Jessica Lewis: It's your brain begging for a break.
• 6:34
  Jessica Lewis: Another thing that affects your executive functioning is lack of sleep hormone changes.
• 6:40
  Jessica Lewis: Yay.
• 6:40
  Jessica Lewis: And chronic stress can also worsen executive dysfunction.
• 6:44
  Jessica Lewis: I.
• 6:44
  Jessica Lewis: ADHD brains already have less margin.
• 6:48
  Jessica Lewis: So even one rough night can make everything feel so much harder, right?
• 6:53
  Jessica Lewis: Like you've been there before.
• 6:55
  Jessica Lewis: And if you're dealing with postpartum perimenopause or just plain exhaustion from raising humans, the burnout and lack of sleep, it compounds.
• 7:03
  Jessica Lewis: And one last thing to add to this list is a lack of structure equals mental chaos.
• 7:11
  Jessica Lewis: ADHD Brain's grave structure, but we also rebel against it.
• 7:17
  Jessica Lewis: Do you feel me here when routines are missing or it's too loose?
• 7:21
  Jessica Lewis: It's hard to know what to do next.
• 7:23
  Jessica Lewis: That's why we need to function better when we have external systems.
• 7:28
  Jessica Lewis: Our checklists, reminders, accountability rather than trying to manage it all in our heads.
• 7:34
  Jessica Lewis: So now what can we do about this?
• 7:37
  Jessica Lewis: So here's the good news.
• 7:38
  Jessica Lewis: You do not need a brain transplant.
• 7:41
  Jessica Lewis: You just need supportive systems that meet your brain where it is.
• 7:46
  Jessica Lewis: So let's talk about some tools first.
• 7:49
  Jessica Lewis: Externalize everything.
• 7:51
  Jessica Lewis: Don't keep it in your head.
• 7:53
  Jessica Lewis: That was the quick win earlier.
• 7:54
  Jessica Lewis: Remember, write it down.
• 7:56
  Jessica Lewis: Don't keep it in your head.
• 7:57
  Jessica Lewis: Just write it down.
• 7:58
  Jessica Lewis: If you keep it in your head, things get bigger and bigger and bigger.
• 8:01
  Jessica Lewis: When you write it down, when you externalize it, it doesn't have that power over you.
• 8:07
  Jessica Lewis: When you keep it in your head, it just adds a lot of pressure.
• 8:10
  Jessica Lewis: So don't keep it in your head.
• 8:12
  Jessica Lewis: Use a whiteboard and write down your three big priorities for the day.
• 8:17
  Jessica Lewis: You could use sticky notes, you could use Notion.
• 8:20
  Jessica Lewis: I love using notion, um, Evernote, Google Tasks, a visual calendar that the whole family can see.
• 8:29
  Jessica Lewis: Sticky notes.
• 8:30
  Jessica Lewis: Just getting it out of your brain gives you clarity.
• 8:34
  Jessica Lewis: Another thing you can do is use activation tools so your brain struggles with starting not doing.
• 8:41
  Jessica Lewis: So activation tools like the two minute roll start something for just two minutes.
• 8:47
  Jessica Lewis: You could pair it with a task or music or a timer, the Pomodoro method timer, saying it out loud or saying out loud what you're about to do.
• 8:58
  Jessica Lewis: I'm going to fold this one basket of laundry.
• 9:01
  Jessica Lewis: That's one way of externalizing it.
• 9:03
  Jessica Lewis: Just saying it out loud, getting it out of your head actually really helps, and this little start often leads to a lot of momentum.
• 9:12
  Jessica Lewis: Another tool you can use is to just simplify your decisions.
• 9:16
  Jessica Lewis: You could wear the same uniform most days.
• 9:19
  Jessica Lewis: And that might not sound fun to a lot of us.
• 9:23
  Jessica Lewis: We like to be fun and colorful and, but maybe if that is really overwhelming for you.
• 9:30
  Jessica Lewis: If you have a hard time picking out what you're going to wear every day, that takes up a lot of mental space.
• 9:36
  Jessica Lewis: And so a lot of us just need to pick a color.
• 9:40
  Jessica Lewis: My husband is like, you wear black all the time.
• 9:43
  Jessica Lewis: And I was like, yeah.
• 9:43
  Jessica Lewis: 'cause it goes with everything.
• 9:45
  Jessica Lewis: And it's slimming, right?
• 9:47
  Jessica Lewis: So I, that's how I, I don't really have a uniform, but I like to wear a lot of black to keep it simple.
• 9:54
  Jessica Lewis: Um, have theme nights for your meals.
• 9:58
  Jessica Lewis: Taco Tuesday, you could plan the week in one batch and then write everything down.
• 10:04
  Jessica Lewis: Setting up automation is huge.
• 10:06
  Jessica Lewis: So automating your bills or setting up your pre-made grocery lists, all of that helps you get it out of your brain and automate the process.
• 10:16
  Jessica Lewis: The fewer choices you make in a day, the more energy you save.
• 10:19
  Jessica Lewis: You could also lean into body doubling and co-regulation, and now I haven't done body doubling, like sitting with somebody on Zoom and you just.
• 10:28
  Jessica Lewis: Are there together, but you're working on things that you just don't want to do, like marketing.
• 10:34
  Jessica Lewis: Um, I know a lot of people do that and they find it really helpful.
• 10:37
  Jessica Lewis: I just haven't done it yet, but I know it would be helpful because our ADHD brains often need another person nearby just to help us stay on task.
• 10:47
  Jessica Lewis: Also, and this is really hard, I think for most of us moms to do is ask for help early.
• 10:54
  Jessica Lewis: Don't wait until you're drowning.
• 10:56
  Jessica Lewis: I.
• 10:57
  Jessica Lewis: If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or behind, say it out loud.
• 11:01
  Jessica Lewis: Text a friend and just say, I need a five minute vent session.
• 11:05
  Jessica Lewis: Um, my friend and I text all the time every day with vent sessions, and then we'll be like, okay, thank you.
• 11:12
  Jessica Lewis: That feels better.
• 11:13
  Jessica Lewis: You could also ask your partner, Hey, can you do the bedtime routine tonight so I can regroup?
• 11:18
  Jessica Lewis: Or if you, if you have a coach or a mentor or a therapist, let them know how you're feeling and see the signs of burnout before you start burning out executive dysfunction.
• 11:30
  Jessica Lewis: Yeah, it's frustrating and it makes everyday life feel so much harder than it should be, but it's not because you're failing and it's not because you're not trying.
• 11:41
  Jessica Lewis: It's just because your brain needs different tools.
• 11:44
  Jessica Lewis: You need different pacing.
• 11:46
  Jessica Lewis: You need different support.
• 11:48
  Jessica Lewis: What it looks like for you looks like something totally different for someone else.
• 11:52
  Jessica Lewis: You are not lazy, you are not behind, and you're not broken.
• 11:57
  Jessica Lewis: You're doing the best you can with a brain that sometimes just needs a little extra scaffolding, and that's okay.
• 12:05
  Jessica Lewis: If this episode helped you feel seen, encouraged, or.
• 12:09
  Jessica Lewis: Just a little less alone in the chaos.
• 12:12
  Jessica Lewis: Share it with another ADHD mom who needs to hear it.
• 12:15
  Jessica Lewis: You deserve systems that work with your brain, not against it.
• 12:19
  Jessica Lewis: Until next time, you're awesome.
• 12:22
  Jessica Lewis: You're doing better than you think.