Latest / Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home / Bob Miano - A Grandfather's Journey Supporting His Wife with Cancer

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Bob Miano - A Grandfather's Journey Supporting His Wife with Cancer · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Hi, I'm Riley and I'm Ryder, and this is my dad show.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Hey everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the quarterback dad cast, and, as I promised, we do finally have a new and exciting sponsor that's going to be joining us over the next 13 weeks or so, and they it is called the authentic edge podcast, which is going to be launching very, very soon.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: It is a podcast that is led by the fantastic and successful Jason DeLuca and executive sales and people leader at Dexian, as well as with a Paul DeFrancenzo, who is a global sales leader at indeedcom.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: This podcast, authentic edge, as I mentioned, is, is launching in the next month and it's really about a journey into the heart and genuine relationships into the workplace.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: So they're going to talk about uncovering the profound impact that authenticity has on establishing instant trust, fostering long-term partnerships, as well as creating serendipitous connections that evolve into endearing business and personal relationships, which is exactly how I would describe my relationship with Jason and Paul.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: So, without further ado, let's get right to the next episode, and I hope that you check out the authentic edge wherever you consume your podcasts.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: Well, hey everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the quarterback dad cast.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: We continue our fun in season five and I couldn't be more excited to um to spend time with our next guest, who is a uh, the spouse of someone I met in this entrepreneurial journey.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Thank you, and miss Anna Frazetto.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: Um and Anna and I met um call it in 2020.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: She and I were supposed to speak together at America at a staffing world event and unfortunately my wife was going through some challenging health stuff with um, so I, I, so I couldn't meet her in person, but we presented virtually, which is still great, but we've, we became friends.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: And our next guest his name is Bob Miano.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: He's a former staffing executive.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: He's a systems engineer turned former executive at Spherion.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: He spent time at IBM.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: He also was the CEO of the US at Harvey Nash for years.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: But, more importantly, we're here to talk to Bob about Bob the dad, how he's working hard to become that ultimate or how, or how, how has he worked hard to become that ultimate quarterback of his household.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: We're also going to talk about a challenge, some adversity that hit him and his, his family, because I think it might touch a family at home who's going through something similar.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: But, more importantly, we're ready to dive in.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: So, bob, welcome to the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: Thank you very much and thank you for having me you bet Well, we always start each episode with gratitude.
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: So tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad today?
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's pretty easy, especially since I'm retired.
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: Right now I'm also.
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: I serve as a grandpa Uber.
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: So, I'm able to.
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: I'm very fortunate to have my three sons living right next to me one in my town, two in the next town, so I have six grandkids right at my disposal.
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: So I am the luxury of taking them to school, taking them to outings Tomorrow I'm taking them into Manhattan to the Spy Museum and two of my grandsons are very active in baseball.
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: So, for example, this week, every single night, I have a grandson playing baseball somewhere.
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: So I just travel and watch them play.
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: So I'm enjoying life and enjoying my retirement very much.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: So good, so good.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm grateful for so we are recording on July 10th.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: Tomorrow is July 11th.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: Tomorrow, my daughter and I we're going to travel to California and she's playing in a basketball tournament down there.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: So I'm grateful for, uh, the time we get to spend uh together.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: Um, I'm also grateful for uh we.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: I found out I got upgraded tomorrow for all the traveling I've done over the years, and so I surprised my daughter.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: I said we get to fly in first class tomorrow.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: So it's always fun when you get the notification, um, and uh, yeah.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: So I'm grateful for that time.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: It's going to be fun.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: And I'm also grateful for I got a son who's just graduated high school.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: He's going off to college in the fall and so I have about 40 days left for them before he's off, and I'm just like it's starting to get real, bob.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: I'm starting to get like, oh no.
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: That's a stressful time.
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: Is he going to college someplace far from you?
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: He's going to play golf at a school called Southern Oregon University.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: Okay, so it's about seven hour drive or an hour flight, right, right, so it's, yeah, it's going to be hard.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: It's going to be hard, but that's a great period of time.
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: One of my sons played baseball for UNC Chapel Hill oh wow.
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: And I would spend every Friday, saturday and Sunday traveling somewhere to go watch him play.
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: So good you can imagine the job I had.
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: But I would take off on Friday, fly wherever he was playing, stay Saturday.
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: It was just a blast.
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: Just a blast so that was a lot of fun.
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: So watching your kids play sports and so forth you can't get any better than that.
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: The only fear I had was two of my sons went to North Carolina and I was afraid for the entire four years of each of them.
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: Are they going to be the girl and then I'm going to lose them to another state?
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: But fortunately we all came back.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: Oh well, that means you did something right, Something right there, Right, right, right.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: So I told you we're going to let curiosity drive the conversation.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: I'm already curious, so tell me what is the biggest differences in Bob watching sports as the dad versus Bob the grandpa?
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: That's.
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: That's very interesting because I find myself when, when my sons played football and baseball in high school and so forth, uh, I was always even keeled, even keeled.
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: You never, if you look at me, people would say you know you scored another touchdown, another touchdown, we don't see you excited.
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: I was always even keeled.
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: I never wanted to have too much of a high or too much of a low.
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: I certainly never wanted to see my kids ever react in any way because the way some people could interpret it, type of thing.
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: But I find watching my grandkids I'm more emotional, more on edge more on you know, you know, is you know I see them at bat or something.
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: They do something wrong.
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: I want to correct it.
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: I want to correct it.
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: I want to correct it where I was more hands-off with my own sons and, for some reason, there's more sensitivity with my grandkids.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: Wow, so that surprised me.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: I thought you were going to say the exact opposite.
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, no, no With my sons.
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: I just had it in my head that I didn't want to, in my head that I didn't want to know the expression do no harm.
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: I did not want.
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: My my oldest son was a very good football player in high school and he was always written up and all this kind of stuff and I never wanted to come across as a father that was over, cheering their son or anything like that.
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: Just do no harm, just stoic and whatever.
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: And I was able to control myself.
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: Now I find myself in my grandkids.
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: For example, I once yelled at at a game with my three kids.
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: I never showed anything my grandkids.
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: It's harder.
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: I don't know why, but that's the way it is.
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's great.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: Well, I always like to say you know the theme of football, you know, bring me inside the Miano huddle, so talk about obviously we know Anna, but maybe talk a little bit about you and your bride and talk a little bit about your sons and the family right now.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: What does that look like about your sons and the family right now?
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: What does that look like?
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: So you know.
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: What's interesting is that I grew up with a father and mother that were complete opposites of each other.
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: My father was very political, even-keeled, thoughtful.
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: My mother was an artist.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: Her claim to fame, by the way, was she used to draw for Walt Disney the character Bambi.
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: I don't know if you've heard of that Bambi the little beer.
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: There was a comic book series called Bambi and she drew from that.
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: So I had parents that were just totally.
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: My father was an engineer statistics knowledge.
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: You don't talk unless you exactly know what you're talking about.
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: Don't open your mouth.
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: My mother was more effervescent, if you will, and then when I had my three sons, I just always imagined that my three sons would be much more academically inclined.
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: Perhaps not as athletically inclined but for whatever the reason, it turned out the opposite.
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: My three kids I was challenged academically with them more, but they were sports just all day long.
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: That's all they wanted to do was play sports and play sports.
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: So the family life, a lot of our family life growing up with my three sons, was centered around sports.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: It was like every day they played football, they played baseball.
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: So it's a different type of atmosphere that I I grew up in, which was all about academics and doing well in school and my father was, and my father was an immigrant, my mother was an immigrant and and they viewed sports more like playing tiddlywinks.
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: Um, you know, you know, there's no value.
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: There's no value.
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: My father would be like what are you doing?
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: You know, how's your school work doing, how's your school work doing that kind of thing?
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: I didn't have that with my three sons, so we have a reversal coming into that.
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: Where did you mention they were immigrants?
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: Tell me from where.
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: Sicily.
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: Okay, both my parents are from Sicily one from Messina, one from Palermo from Sicily, one from Messina, one from Palermo and they grew up in a very frugal kind of existence.
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: My father had an amazing story.
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: He's not a what do you call that when a baby, when they bring a kid over and you have a baby here?
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: I forget there's a term for it but my father usual, when his mother got pregnant, came over to the States this is on purpose.
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: This was a strategy when she was nine months pregnant, dropped, had a kid, had my father here which made him a citizen, went back to Sicily.
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: 11 years later, my father came back here and eventually able to bring back his mother once he graduated college and so forth.
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: So there's a whole immigrant story there between where my father went through, his very poor upbringing and sacrifices he had to make.
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: Look at, hopefully, the generations are improving and and progressing and not taking backwards steps.
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: But coming from the that background, I think gave myself and my brothers a drive, if you will, in a focus on academics and, you know, trying to build a career and so forth.
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: What so you mentioned you have three, three boys, three boys, uh, six grandkids.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: Um, uh, tell me what your, what your three sons are up to.
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: Uh, so two of my sons.
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: So let me do it say it this way my older brother is in technology I was in technology just starting our careers Um my younger brother's in technology.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: My first son is in technology.
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: My second son is in technology.
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: My third son said I don't want any part of you guys.
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: He became a lawyer, so he went.
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: He saw what we.
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: That's actually the truth.
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: He looked at all of us and said I don't want to be like that.
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: I want to be something different, so he became a lawyer.
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: I'm very proud of my kids.
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: In terms of our relationship, we have a very, very close relationship and I always try to be a good role model for my sons, spend quality time with my sons and I think, when I look at other families and what goes on today's day and age, I think that the most important thing is your quality time, and it's quality, not just time, but quality time that you spend with your kids.
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: And I used to joke with my ex-wife my ex-wife about I would see some other parents on the street really not getting involved with their kids as much as I would.
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: I used to joke around and say you know what?
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: It's going to turn out that they're going to be tremendously close with their parents and my kids are going to be nowhere near me.
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: But it didn't turn out that way.
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: The time invested in our relationship paid off in spades.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: One of the questions you hit on.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: A lot there that made me get curious here, but I want to learn about like.
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: So you have parents that migrated here.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: Academics were important.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: You taught you drive.
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: I would bet that grit became resilience some of these skills but talk about what was life like growing up for you from like a values perspective that your parents were like.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: These are the things that were so important to your house that you were taught.
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: I have to say that my father was a tremendous influence on me.
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: Tremendous in the sense that I have to say to you he was a really good man in every sense of that good man, a moral compass, an ethical compass, great role model.
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: It's not so much the words, it's what I saw him do.
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: He worked as a civil engineer.
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: Everything he did was like productive.
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: Now, in a way, I could be a little bit overdone, because I never really saw him go out and have fun.
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: His fun was, uh, being successful in what what he did, um, and uh, he was just a great role model and that had a tremendous influence on me, which had a tremendous influence on me and my sons.
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: That was so important to me that they would see me in the same light, if you will, that I saw my father.
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: That was a tough act to follow my father because he spent 24 hours a day.
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: Everything was constructed.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: His job took things whole by night.
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: He had a second job, doing blueprints for, for, for people, and if he wasn't doing that, he was doing the construction projects around the house.
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: Not that well, by the way, for being an engineer he didn't do that well, but I that's something that um definitely instilled upon me the idea of being a role model in terms of ethics, moral, even something as silly, as my sons never saw me wander my eyes towards a woman for something as an example Not that I'm trying to say I'm a prude, but it would be.
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: I never wanted them to see me turn my head and look at a woman type of thing.
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: So I wanted to create this, or of the right, the wrong, the moral, the ethical.
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: So I'm not going to try on the same, but you know, for your kids you want to set a certain type of ethical and moral type of existence, which I think my father as you think back was is there a story or is there a?
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: you remember an age?
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: You're at where you?
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: It started clicking like man.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: My dad's a good dude, like he is.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: He's got stuff together I.
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: I think that started at a very early age.
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: I'll tell you a little story, but interesting is my mother may not have been at the same level as my father in terms of academics and those kind of things and I got to a certain age where I was perhaps not treating my mother with the same kind of respect I should have and I would point out if I thought I could point out things that she was doing wrong or not thinking about correctly.
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: So my father took me for a drive.
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: Took me for a drive and he said to me you know, robert?
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: He says I just want to let you know your mother's a lot smarter than me.
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: She has a much higher IQ and I was blown away.
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: It's like she's smarter than you.
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: Dad and I didn't connect to, many years later, what he was doing.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: What he was doing was knocking me back in my place in terms of maybe some of the way I spoke to my mother and whatever, and it definitely affected my turned me around in terms of the idea is that, okay, maybe she's not at the same academic level as it, but she's definitely smart and I shouldn't be perhaps acting a certain way?
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: I was acting, so that definitely was an effect on me.
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: Got my head on straight there you go.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: Now are your mom and dad still with us?
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: No, no, they both passed many years ago.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I lost my dad in 2021.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: My mom's still with us.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: But it's funny when you reflect back, and every time I interview a dad it makes me kind of self-reflect on stories of my childhood.
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: But I think it's important when we slow down to really think about the stories or values that impact us.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: Either sometimes we get off track of those values to get back on track, or um, or just to reflect Cause then it, then it's a way that I think we can develop more gratitude for not only ourselves but our family and those around us, which creates better relationships.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: Um, that, that same, that same example your dad did for you.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: Did you ever have to do that for one of your?
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: boys.
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: No, I don't think I had to do that.
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: Um, no, I don't think I had to do that, I think.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: What struck me about I think that sometimes you take a look at your parents and you either want to emulate or you want to do the opposite of that.
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: And certainly I tried to emulate in terms of how they viewed me and how I acted and how I behaved and how I spoke and those those type of things.
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: But probably one of the areas I did the opposite was my father didn't do many things with us in terms of it was more like he was there and we were here, type of whatever.
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: And so something in my head I traveled a lot in my late 20s, early 30s, 40s.
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: I was traveling a lot.
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: So to me, I tried to make up that difference by Saturdays and Sundays was my kids.
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: Saturday and Sunday was my kids kids.
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: Saturday and Sunday is my kids.
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: So the emphasis I had on that one aspect, again looking at my father and saying, well, what did I think was really good that he did?
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: What do I think maybe he could have done a better job at?
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: As I said, athletics were nothing.
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: I never missed any of my kids' games.
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: It was a matter of which game do I go to, and not just sports.
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: I would make a concerted effort to spend dad time alone, so deliberately.
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: Now I would spin it as I was being nice to their mother by taking them places and all that.
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: The reality was I wanted my three sons to look at me and rely on me changing their diapers, taking them on Sunday mornings.
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: Look, I want to read the New York Times.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: I spend a couple of hours every Sunday, always have.
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: So what did I do?
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: I take them.
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: We had a McDonald's near us that had an indoor playground.
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: So without my wife, just me and my three sons, I'd go there.
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: I'd read where they're playing, that Then I would take them to the beach, which was very stressful being a father by myself and three young little wild guys going in and out of the water and so forth.
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: But I tried to spend as much dad time with them alone, because kids have a tendency everything is their mother, their mother.
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: I wanted them to know, and it also affected me in the sense that, you know, maybe around the house I wouldn't be so quick to do certain things for the kids, but when it's just you and my three sons and you're in a hotel, somewhere you take care of everything.
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: So I try to have that mixture of yeah okay, I stressed academics with them.
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: I was with them during their activities and sports and all that.
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: But I also took them into the city.
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: I took them to the museum by myself, I took them to the aquarium by myself, I would take them places.
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: So it's just me and them.
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: And it was very important to me to build a relationship with my kids.
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: So weekends were for my three sons and when I traveled I would always call up every night and ask my wife tell me a Robbie story, tell me a Richie story, tell me a Michael story.
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: Then I would try and get.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: At that age they weren't very loquacious, they were not real speakers, if you will, but I wanted them to know dad is always around and dad wants to be part of your lives, experience your ups and downs and so forth and be part of that.
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: I went off on a tangent there.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: No, that's your job.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: Your job is to talk and me to ask questions.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: I found that it seems like the word vulnerability is something I'm very passionate about.
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: It seems like it's a word that I feel like has a lot more legs in these generations when you were raising your kids.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: I think back to my dad.
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: My dad passed away when he was 79.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: But my dad was a guy that wasn't a can.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think back to my dad.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: My dad passed away when he was 79, but, like my dad was a guy that was.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: He wasn't a big.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: I love yous a lot.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: He loved me but didn't like it wasn't a lot of.
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: There wasn't a lot of, um, sometimes, affection that I remember.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: So I think sometimes like I'm going to generalize here and you let me know if I'm, if I'm wrong right here Bob was your generation of parenthood, what?
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: What was what you did more uncommon, or was that common?
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: Like were, were more dads as hands-on, as present as you, or do you feel like that was maybe uncommon back then?
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: With, with my fam, my family.
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: No like how you cause you're well how you describe yourself, which I love.
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: It's like you were very hands-on present.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: Dad um was during your generation of raising kids Like the other dad.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: Was that common or uncommon?
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, let me take one step back A little, a little vignette, into my, my father and the the effect in the cascading effect.
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: My father was, but forget he.
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: He lived without a mother or a father for many, many years and and I don't think he really knew how to be an embracing, vulnerable father.
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: To give you an example, I have a younger brother who's five years younger than I am.
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: One day I walked down the steps and I saw my father massaging my younger brother and I went wow, they're touching.
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: I mean, it really left an impression on me my father will actually touch, because we didn't, that wasn't that kind of thing with my father, and so forth.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: He was very stoic and okay.
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: so how did that affect me with my kids?
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: Another little vignette what I would do when they were, absolutely you know, two years old, three years old, four or five.
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: When I left the house, I'd go down the stairs they'd be on the top step and make each one of them kiss me goodbye love it my logic was if I do this every single day, that will carry on.
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: Because I wanted, I craved the, the, if you will.
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: I craved that affection and so forth.
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: By the way, it didn't work.
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: There was a certain age that came to it, but for many years that was our ritual, and my way of being close to them and touching them is to have me kiss me goodbye every day when I went to work, type of thing, me goodbye every day when I went to work, type of thing.
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: So, in terms of vulnerability and so forth, I wanted to build an emotional, not just an intellectual, or oh, I'm the parent, I'm the father.
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: I wanted them to have a touchness a feeling which also comes into play as being a grandfather.
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: I used to have two aunts that would come to the house and as soon as they came into the house my three young kids they would want to hug them and touch them and grab them.
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: My kids would be like standoffish and all that.
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: And I have to tell you, being a grandfather, I really realized now what it was being a grandfather.
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: I really realize now what it was what they were doing, because I want contact with my grandkids.
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: I want them to hug me, I want to have that human touch which I wasn't really aware of Back then.
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: I was like, what are you doing to my two aunts?
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: What's this need to hug them and rush them and all that um?
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: But now I see it, because now I crave that contact with my grandkids, being with my grandsons and granddaughters, being touched and having, you know, hug them and so forth kind of thing wow, but that affected me a lot no, I, I totally came out, I.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: So I I think that I think that's an uncommon mindset that I respect the heck out.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: I think it's awesome, I think, and I think it's great that you, you still love that think that's an uncommon mindset, that I respect the heck out.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: I think it's awesome, I think, and I think it's great that you, you still love that.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: So it's a great example for all of us to this, because, like this, doesn't go a day go by where I don't tell my kids I love them every day yeah every day, no matter multiple times when they go.
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: Hey, love you guys.
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: Yep, have fun, drive safe, yep, or this you know, it's just because you literally right before, so we're recording it in.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: You know, 1230 Seattle time.
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: Right now.
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: I had some I do work as a like an executive coach as well in sales and leadership coaching and I got off a training call with a company I then went into.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: Right before I went into the next call, my wife came in she said do you have a quick set?
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: And she was yeah, and she was my um, one of my son's buddies.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: Um, dad had a heart attack yesterday and died.
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: Like, like what, and it's like.
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: You know, I'm almost 50 and we're at the age when stuff happens and I never want to go Diego virus with regrets.
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: Um, I had, I had an ant pass away this week.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: I had.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: My cousin is having heart surgery this week.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: It's like it's stuffs all around us, and so I think the story that I love that you shared is, you know, being present reminding your kids how much we love them.
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: I don't think you can ever can be too affectionate with your kids.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying you're going to make out with your kids how much we love them.
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: Um, I don't think you can ever it can be too affectionate with your kids.
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying you're going to make out with your kids and your, but like, hug them, love them, squeeze them.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: Um, and I think that's the more common.
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: We make that for everybody.
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: All the dads or grandpas listening, you know everybody likes getting hugged, everybody likes hearing something positive said about them or to them.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: So, um, yeah, I love that you're you you.
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: That's how you you raise your family and lead by example.
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: Another aspect to that you know there's you can say words, um, and do the outgoing physical contact.
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: But also, as I mentioned, one of the nicest things that I ever one of my sons ever said to me was in terms of how they viewed my attack.
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: They knew I had a job, they knew I was CEO of this company and I had morning, afternoon and night, you know, had my responsibilities.
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: But at one point one of my sons spoke up and said Dad, how is it that every time we call you, you answer the phone for us?
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: That's not every time, but I'm exaggerating somewhat, but it was my way of.
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: Also.
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: You guys are really important to me.
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, my job's important and I don't want you messing with my job, but I'm there for you all the time.
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: I'm there for you all the time.
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: Call Dad for anything for you all the time.
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: Call dad for anything, I don't care when they got their cars and they're going out at night.
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: Don't drink.
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: If you're going to drink, there's no harm, get me, I will come at any point in time.
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: I'm there for you.
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: So I want to always have that security, if you will, and I think, looking back, it paid off.
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: The way they have grown up and the way they are my kids, my sons.
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: I'm very proud of them.
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: They are fantastic parents and they married very well.
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: Their wives are also very children focused.
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: I say, well, that's obvious.
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: It's not so obvious.
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: I look around sometimes and it's like what kind of decision are you making?
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: Are you putting your kids first all the time?
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: That's the way I viewed it.
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: All the time was I didn't look at spending money on things for myself.
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: It was what I could do to enrich whatever their activities were, to provide them, whatever I could provide them.
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, you won't regret spending time with your kids.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah absolutely not.
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: Hi, this is Kathy Orton.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: I'm the director of talent management at CoWorks Staffing Services.
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: Coworks is one of the largest staffing firms in the United States, with operations in all 50 states, over 60,000 temporary field talent.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: We are devoted to the success and growth of our employees and our clients.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: We are celebrating our 50th anniversary this year and are proud to have a legacy of treating people the right way, doing the right thing, supporting our communities and putting field talent first.
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: Our team places candidates in administrative light, industrial, call center, distribution, third-party logistic positions with additional opportunities through our executive search.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: Creative staffing and luxury, beauty and fragrance divisions.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: Creative staffing and luxury, beauty and fragrance divisions.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: We had the pleasure of having Casey Jaycox deliver a keynote presentation and training workshop to our sales team this year and I have to tell you it was exceptional.
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: Casey is funny, he is engaging and he is approachable.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: What sets Casey apart is that he really walks the walk.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: He lives what he teaches.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: He spent time with us outside of the workshop, really taking the time to get to know our people.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: He shared information about his personal life, about his family, creating the foundation for authentic relationships, one of the core elements of the strategy he teaches.
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: Casey left our teams feeling motivated, energized and armed with the actionable tools to transform their sales performance.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: I cannot recommend Casey enough to any or any organization looking to grow and transform their sales performance.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: I cannot recommend Casey enough to any or any organization looking to grow and unlock their full potential.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: If you want to learn more about cowork staffing, please visit our website at coworkstaffingcom.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: Now let's get back to the podcast.
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: Okay, so, um, before we talk about, uh, your lovely bride Anna, tell me how did you get in the staffing business?
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: Because most people don't.
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: It's not like we dream of it growing up as kids.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: We kind of fumble into it.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: So tell me, how did you get into it?
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's such a swig.
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: I'm a systems engineer, I'm all in technology, computer science, I love the bits and bytes, I'm doing all that stuff.
• 32:53
  Speaker 3: And then what happened was some things happened as far as this company was looking to go from just staffing to taking over data centers and things like that.
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: And somehow, with my background and what I was doing at the time, that kind of segued me into that.
• 33:15
  Speaker 3: So we were doing outsourcing, so in the job that I was doing I was taking over data centers.
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: So that meant hardware, software, people, and we would go to clients and say, okay, it's cost you how much to run these applications.
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: We can do it for you cheaper and better.
• 33:38
  Speaker 3: Come to us, because that's all we do for a living, is that?
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: Your business is banking, your business is pharmacy, my business is technology.
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: Give your technology to me because I could run it better.
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: And then what happened?
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: This hard thing took place where, when we were analyzing where the margins were and where the future were, it wasn't in the hardware, it wasn't in the software, it was the people.
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: It was that.
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: That's where we could make the biggest leverage, if you will leverage the staff.
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: So I got a real focus on the staffing part of it, the staff.
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: So I got a real focus on the staffing part of it and then when one of the businesses I was in was becoming outdated, I was approached by this staffing company and said since you believe that people are such the most important part of this, could you take over data centers and things like that?
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: Just the people side not.
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: And I was like, oh, that's exactly where I look at what the sweet spot is, that's where we have the most leverage.
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: So I got into that staffing business and then took over the company and then from there I ran other companies.
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: So there was a unusual segue, because yeah what's the technology guy doing, whatever?
• 34:52
  Speaker 3: um, and I was very, very fortunate in growing up.
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: When I was in the technology, when I worked for this bank, um, uh, I was able really to.
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: I had a boss that was very nurturing, uh, very, uh took after me a lot in terms of sending me to courses, schools and things like that, so it gave me this experience of running a company.
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: That's how I got to then start running companies.
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: I got this background in doing that, so it was kind of segued over from left to right and I finally got to doing that and I tell you I loved my job.
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: I loved it.
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: It was exciting every day.
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: The very first job I ever had, unfortunately, was the kind of job where I'd look up and go, oh three more hours, oh, two more.
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: I remember thinking to myself I was lucky, it was the first job I ever had and that set me like, oh my, this is going to be my life.
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: I'm going to be looking at the clock every few hours.
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: Unfortunately, that was the last one I had that way.
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: From that point forward, I always had jobs that, and I always went to jobs that enriched things for me not that, you know, and those are the kind of things I instilled with my sons is the idea you've got to do what you love you know and those are the kind of things I instilled with my sons is the idea you've got to do what you love you know?
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: Okay, you know you want to make money and all that.
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: When it comes down to it, you have to love what you're doing every single day.
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, hopefully that's what they've done.
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: That's cool.
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: I worked at K-Force for 20 years.
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: Oh, I like that.
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: Oh, so you know my okay.
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, oh yeah, I know, and um, the one thing I learned about, you know, working in corporate is we're all replaceable.
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: And I joke now, when I worked with like sales teams cause I was I had, I would say, right guy, right time, right place, but I was our one of our top performers, or work top performer, for like 10 years straight nationally and I always joked that guess what Everybody?
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: They didn't go out of business when I left.
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: They're still, they're still there and I think it's just good to stay humble that way.
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: But you, you don't realize I didn't realize when I left how many great, fantastic people are in this industry.
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: Like I've met so many talented people and there's so many staffing companies that you didn't even know about.
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: That are just thousands of them.
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: And it's just really I've been, I've just been so lucky and blessed.
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: Like when you said, haven't you love what you do?
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: Like I love the people I work with, I love the clients I work with, the work I'm doing.
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: Now, when I left, I wrote a, wrote a book and then started this podcast and I got into like speaking and coaching, which never thought I'd be doing that, but it's like I love it Absolutely.
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: Love it because I feel like I'm.
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: I get to teach things to others that took me too long to learn, and if I can help them learn it quicker, we're making the world a better, better, better place.
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah and um, so anyway, so we transitioned.
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: You work in and so, anyway, so we transitioned, you're working at K-Force Interesting.
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: So then you know, one of the things that I enjoyed a lot was we hired a lot of kids out of college, yep, and I enjoy the idea of teaching and mentoring and watching certain people become successful, become successful and also seeing that it's true that the people that worked harder, that put more into it, got more out of it.
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: There was a direct relationship between effort, productivity and results.
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: It was a great model, if you will, so I enjoy that aspect of it and hiring the people and seeing certain people become really, really successful, good at what they do.
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: So, yeah, that's interesting.
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: Love it All right.
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: So how we got here today was your lovely bride, anna, and I'm like I said, we spoke together.
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: I've stayed in contact with her.
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: She had me on her podcast, um, and I and I met anna through leslie vickery, who's a fantastic human being.
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: And, um, anna, um, called me a couple weeks ago and I'm like, when we had a call, I'm like you're great to catch up and she goes hey, I want to share some news.
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: And she told me she went through, um, a battle with cancer and she told me that she was doing doing better.
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: And I was like, oh my God, and it further proved the point um, bob, how women are the toughest human beings in the world.
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: Um, uh, guys, I hate to say it, they're smarter than us too.
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: Well, usually, um, they're more patient than us.
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: Um and uh, when Anna was shared the story of how, what happened, and she was at the conference and called you and you're like, get to the doctor, get to the doctor.
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: And I'm feeling okay.
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: And then you encourage her to go and but you know, we we've heard today like I heard from her she spoke last that she's doing a lot better, that things are looking up, which is just fantastic and praise the Lord for that.
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: But I'd love to learn from a dad and a grandpa perspective.
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: If there's a dad or that listening at home, that's a grandpa that's listening home.
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: That they've been.
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: Those are the cards, they've been dealt.
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: Talk about your journey through it, like maybe some lessons learned, some things that worked as you supported her from afar, that maybe other that might share some inspiration for another family listening at home.
• 40:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so certainly it was a shock to me, and so when I got the she had a hip problem which had nothing to do with any of this.
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: She had an X-ray done when she was in carolina and that's where they saw a tumor the bottom of the tumor and so I I worked across two paths there.
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: My thought process was a was this is nothing, this is not going to be anything but b certainly wasn't what I was going to articulate.
• 40:50
  Speaker 3: Of course I was concerned.
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: You know, support, support, kind of thing.
• 40:54
  Speaker 3: You know let's get back here, let's go right in and get x-rays and so forth.
• 41:00
  Speaker 3: And then it just became a series of one bad news after another Bad news that it did turn out to be cancer and they said, well, maybe the cancer isn't as bad.
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: Went to a hospital, got a complete evaluation done and the prognosis was very bad.
• 41:21
  Speaker 3: It was basically it's inoperable.
• 41:25
  Speaker 3: Unfortunately, this is the situation you're in.
• 41:28
  Speaker 3: So this was like cold water in my face situation you're in.
• 41:35
  Speaker 3: So this was like cold water in my face.
• 41:35
  Speaker 3: So you know, the first thing I think you do in a situation like this is you start researching, you start reading, you start researching and I kind of like I thought that this hospital that gave me, gave Anna and I, this dire situation.
• 41:49
  Speaker 3: I really didn't expect that.
• 41:54
  Speaker 3: We eventually went to Sloan Kettering and I didn't expect that we were going to go there and get a different, more hopeful path.
• 42:02
  Speaker 3: It's figured.
• 42:04
  Speaker 3: You know this is a major hospital that we were in.
• 42:06
  Speaker 3: This is what they've told you.
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: But the lesson there was, you know, you've got to get those second and third opinions.
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: You've got to the doctors expect it.
• 42:17
  Speaker 3: I was a little bit.
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: You know what do the doctors think?
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: We're checking up on you.
• 42:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what we did.
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: We went to, you know, sloan Kettering, and they gave a more aggressive path and a more optimistic path.
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: It's been a tough, tough road as far as what she's had to gone through.
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: Whatever the reason with her DNA, whatever immunological pills are not going to work for her.
• 42:46
  Speaker 3: The chemo really didn't work.
• 42:49
  Speaker 3: We did the surgery, we got this radiation, the specialized radiation that she's gotten, and so now she looks better than ever.
• 42:58
  Speaker 3: I'm very, very hopeful.
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: Of course, how this affect me is I did a lot of reading and I was very careful not to be directing anything, careful to hear what she had to say.
• 43:18
  Speaker 3: Even if I thought somewhat different, I would not articulate that.
• 43:23
  Speaker 3: I measured my.
• 43:24
  Speaker 3: You know it's all about her, so I wanted to be very supportive from an emotional perspective, go to every visit with her, have every discussion with her beforehand.
• 43:37
  Speaker 3: What are you going to ask and leave that up to her?
• 43:41
  Speaker 3: When I would be in the doctor's office with her, I virtually wouldn't talk, I didn't do no harm.
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: I don't want to ask anything, because the one mistake I did make I think I called it a mistake is at the very first, at the beginning of this, when we were at the hospital, I asked the question, what's the probability here?
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: And the answer I got was not very good.
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: In retrospect, I don't think I should have asked that question because it was not a good one and eventually, now that the path that she's on now, she's on a very good path.
• 44:16
  Speaker 3: So I think there's an emotional aspect to it.
• 44:20
  Speaker 3: I have to respect her wishes, but what she wanted, done how she wanted it done what she wanted to ask, what she didn't want to ask.
• 44:30
  Speaker 3: She's in the driver's seat, so I have to.
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: You know what's?
• 44:34
  Speaker 3: The men are from Mars, women are from Venus, whatever that is.
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: Don't direct, don't try and solve it, because I can't solve it, so I can't come up with solutions, as much as I want to say this or say that.
• 44:51
  Speaker 3: So, and I think also important is taking the burden off of her.
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: She's still working and she worked through this, so that meant there was certain things in our household that she would normally take care of.
• 45:09
  Speaker 3: That means I'm not going to take care of it, whether it's grocery shopping, cleaning up things or whatever those little things are that she just naturally did.
• 45:19
  Speaker 3: Try and help out as much as you can to take the stress off of her, off of her, and I think it's important that there's constant positive reinforcement in terms of the good news and sharing those moments with her Every time we went to get chemo.
• 45:39
  Speaker 3: It was a tough road for her.
• 45:40
  Speaker 3: It was very painful.
• 45:42
  Speaker 3: The surgery was much more painful than I thought it was going to be A little story with the surgery.
• 45:49
  Speaker 3: So when you have the surgery they have tubes coming out of you and you have a little drainage thing that you carry.
• 45:55
  Speaker 3: When she came out of surgery she was a little bit spacey and she said she referred to it as my Gucci bag that she had to carry around, carry a Gucci bag.
• 46:07
  Speaker 3: So I said, ah, that's something I can do.
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: I went out and bought her a Gucci bag that you have to carry around.
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: You carry a Gucci bag.
• 46:10
  Speaker 3: So I said, ah, that's something I can do.
• 46:10
  Speaker 3: I went out and bought her a Gucci bag.
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: There we go.
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: Came out of it.
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: So now you have another.
• 46:16
  Speaker 3: Now you have a Gucci bag, you know.
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: There we go.
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it was a whole new ballgame for me.
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: I don't think there's much in my background or whatever that set a framework for me, so it was brand new from the scratch.
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: Like I said, I did a lot of reading on do's and don'ts and trying to understand you can't say something that's very difficult to understand, the words I don't understand.
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: Even when I look up the words, then they use words that I don't understand those.
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: When I look up the words, then they use words that I don't understand those words you know um.
• 46:51
  Speaker 3: So I try to educate myself as much as possible and try and get advice.
• 46:57
  Speaker 3: Um, I'm not crazy about about some of these support places, certain things, but I encourage her and turned out very well that the support system, um, this lady therapist, I guess it is that she spoke to a number of times and was very, very helpful.
• 47:14
  Speaker 3: I also encouraged her to reach out to other people that have gone through cancer whenever, and so, again, that goes under the category of support, bob what was the hardest part for you?
• 47:27
  Speaker 3: I got to tell you, it was emotionally, Um, it never occurred to me.
• 47:32
  Speaker 3: So I had my first heart operation I was 30 years old.
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: I had another major one at 55 and I've had other ones since then.
• 47:40
  Speaker 3: So it's always been.
• 47:42
  Speaker 3: I'm the one that's teetering on whatever.
• 47:45
  Speaker 3: It just never occurred to her.
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: You know, she's strong as an ox, she's all this whatever and all of a sudden on a certain day, to have somebody tell you that it's inoperable.
• 47:59
  Speaker 3: First of all, where did cancer come from?
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: Anna is one of these goody-goody two-shoes kind of people.
• 48:04
  Speaker 3: She never smoked.
• 48:06
  Speaker 3: I mean, it's like right down the list everything.
• 48:09
  Speaker 3: She just, um, uh, never did anything that would cause self-harm.
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: You know some people.
• 48:16
  Speaker 3: You know if you're smoking, well you know.
• 48:18
  Speaker 3: Or you're a heavy drinker.
• 48:20
  Speaker 3: This is sort of maybe cause and effect, but with her there's no way you can connect those two dots.
• 48:26
  Speaker 3: So so that was a real.
• 48:29
  Speaker 3: My wife has this terrible cancer which in itself was the worst kind of cancer she could have.
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: The type that she had was very aggressive, very fast growing.
• 48:42
  Speaker 3: It went through her lymph nodes Also.
• 48:47
  Speaker 3: The cancer had gone through that.
• 48:50
  Speaker 3: Um, it was a big learning curve for me, big learning curve.
• 48:54
  Speaker 3: It was a shocker to me, um and uh.
• 48:57
  Speaker 3: Like I said, all I could do is read as much as I could different kind of articles on support, trying to understand the cancer, which is not understandable in a way, how it happens, and I'm just glad right now that.
• 49:12
  Speaker 3: So things right now seem to be all good all good, Awesome.
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: Are there specific support groups that we can mention?
• 49:26
  Speaker 2: Are there resources, websites that you found really helpful that I can make sure I link in the show notes so that if there's a family going through this as well, that we can maybe send them to those places for support that you might find or they might find helpful?
• 49:41
  Speaker 3: Okay, so I'll say this the support system that the hospital Sloan-Kerrin gave in terms of there's the surgery, there's this, there's that, there's all that stuff, but then there's the stuff outside of that, they have been phenomenal as far as sending nurses to the house.
• 50:00
  Speaker 3: There's two types of nurses that come here there's been.
• 50:05
  Speaker 3: As far as the support groups, yes, there are some things which I'll send you later.
• 50:11
  Speaker 3: I'll send you a post list and there's a number of research information.
• 50:18
  Speaker 3: For people like me that was at ground zero.
• 50:21
  Speaker 3: I knew nothing about cancer, I never had an experience like that.
• 50:26
  Speaker 3: So to understand what the specifics are and what questions to ask, you know there's a website I went to that listed a whole bunch of things for us to ask of the doctors.
• 50:40
  Speaker 3: So leave no stone unturned.
• 50:42
  Speaker 3: As far as you don't want to leave the doctor's office and go, I should have asked that or I should have asked this.
• 50:48
  Speaker 3: But the support structure we got at the hospital was just incredible.
• 50:53
  Speaker 3: They gave us a therapist, they gave us all these other people to talk to, but I'll send you that link to those sites after this call.
• 51:04
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, everybody at home.
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: We'll make sure that this is linked in the show notes.
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: So if there is a family going through this, I've interviewed a few folks that have actually lost wives and, unfortunately, I think I have five people in my life network now that lost wives under the age of 40, which is just not a fraternity I want to be part of, and my wife had a couple of health scares.
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: My wife actually had a health scare during 2020.
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: Like, I can talk about this now, but 2020 wasn't a big thing, and actually I did an episode on this too, because my wife finally got diagnosed with a vaccine injury and I never knew that was a thing, and so she was one of the unlucky ones when she went through.
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: When we both got vaccinated for COVID I was, I was okay, but she was she.
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: After her first shot, her life just got rocked for about two years of just like the most bizarre, weird symptoms, and so when you talked about you know you stepping up at home or doing more housework or whatever it might be, like me and my kids did the same thing, cause you know whether the the you know whether it was laundry or dishes or organs, anything around the house.
• 52:16
  Speaker 2: That just kind of magically got done.
• 52:17
  Speaker 2: I we had the kids kind of had to talk about like, hey guys, we got to step up and make mom not feel bad that she can't do these things, but like, make her know that she's going to just rest and she's got to.
• 52:28
  Speaker 2: She might have to sleep more than she needs and we're going to go out of our way to be ultimate team players here.
• 52:34
  Speaker 2: And so it was like it was good for us as a family that, see, my kids had to become a lot more independent.
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: Thankfully, I'm in a spot where I get to work remote at this stage of my life and work for myself, and so I could have a lot more flexibility to help with these types of things.
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: But, um, I think I think that's.
• 52:51
  Speaker 2: I think sometimes there's always as much as we go through adversity.
• 52:55
  Speaker 2: Sometimes it's it's when you can find ways to find something positive in it.
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: You know, sometimes it's a hard to do because it's, you know, but um, even for me, like finding that was a positive.
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: You know I was scared a couple of times like what is going on, but anyway, well, I'm grateful.
• 53:16
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful that one I've yet to meet Anna in person.
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: So I'm hopeful that happens.
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: I'm hoping I can meet you in person.
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: That'd be great.
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: I couldn't be more of to hear that things are trending in a positive light and and I really appreciate you sharing the fact of where you know, as a leader of a company companies, you were probably one that would do the speaking, the leading, and this is one of those ones you had no control over, so you had to.
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: You had to lean on empathy, probably, probably more curiosity, be a better listener right that's a good point you're making because you know you're right Is that as a CEO, the buck stopped with me right, so I can set the course.
• 53:59
  Speaker 3: I could set the agenda.
• 54:00
  Speaker 3: Very good point you're making.
• 54:02
  Speaker 3: I have no control.
• 54:03
  Speaker 3: This is out of my hands, it's out of control.
• 54:05
  Speaker 3: So that's a whole different ballgame.
• 54:09
  Speaker 3: I also say that you mentioned Leslie Vickery before.
• 54:12
  Speaker 3: I know Leslie.
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: Leslie worked for me for a while type of thing, one of my last companies and there there's a network of lady leaders.
• 54:19
  Speaker 3: There's a group of these women that have a forum for furthering causes and moving women movements forward.
• 54:31
  Speaker 3: That group has been so supportive of Anna and the type of things that maybe wouldn't have meant as much to me if I was in that situation, but sent flowers, sent letters, sent emails, phone call conversations.
• 54:50
  Speaker 3: They were just absolutely tremendous group of these women executives that really came through in terms of support.
• 54:57
  Speaker 3: They'd do anything for her type of thing, which I think definitely made her feel loved, wanted, let her be able to talk about.
• 55:06
  Speaker 3: That was important to her too.
• 55:08
  Speaker 3: She wanted to discuss her feelings about what she was going through.
• 55:14
  Speaker 3: These women around you that have that have passed away.
• 55:18
  Speaker 3: I tell you that had never crossed my mind before that.
• 55:22
  Speaker 3: That was a real eye opener for me.
• 55:25
  Speaker 3: Two nights I lied in bed and was like, oh my God, could she not be here someday?
• 55:31
  Speaker 3: That was like I hadn't really thought about that.
• 55:37
  Speaker 3: And as a way I have to say I think we're closer now than ever.
• 55:41
  Speaker 3: I guess the calamity, the circumstances just drives you in that direction.
• 55:48
  Speaker 3: Not that I didn't appreciate her a hell of a lot before, but it even raises it up another notch, if you will.
• 55:55
  Speaker 3: So, the family and friends have been phenomenal, just phenomenal with her, which I know has helped her psychologically quite a bit Sure.
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm grateful that Anna shared with me.
• 56:08
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful that it triggered me to ask.
• 56:13
  Speaker 2: I said I don't know if Bob would be open to this, but I'd love to hear his story and I bet there's a family out there that will hear a story.
• 56:20
  Speaker 2: And just to know there's hey, just because you get dealt these cards doesn't mean yeah, there's unfortunate bad situations out, but there's also a lot of good ones.
• 56:28
  Speaker 2: It doesn't mean, yeah, there's unfortunate bad situations out, but there's also a lot of good ones.
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: And I wanted to when Anna just her positivity and strength and she was sharing how supportive you were and I just think it's great reminders for us dads that if we do get dealt, and even if you don't get dealt, just work on being a better listener, work on being curious, work on having empathy, work on being vulnerable to ask for help when we go through tough times and really reliant like it sounds like you have a great friends and family and friend network that's leaned in on you.
• 56:59
  Speaker 2: I know a lot of the lady leaders in that book.
• 57:01
  Speaker 2: I read that book so well as we get ready to wrap up here, if you had to think about you know if there's a dad listening or a grandpa listening, or just from your story or our conversation today, bob, what would be a few like actionable things that dads can take out of our conversation If they apply what we talked about, to kind of apply to their own life, some actionable ways they can become like maybe a better leader of their home or a better way to take their dad game from here to here.
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: Tell me what comes to mind.
• 57:33
  Speaker 3: Let me start with on the negative side.
• 57:35
  Speaker 3: I feel that at times when I was working, if my kids did something in the house that upset me, I had a quicker trigger because it's my job and this was happening, and I believe I yelled too much and as my sons became men, I've apologized to each one of them saying guys, I'm sorry.
• 58:03
  Speaker 3: And, interesting enough, their reaction was I forget about that.
• 58:07
  Speaker 3: We understand what we did and all that I said.
• 58:11
  Speaker 3: Still, I wish I wouldn't have yelled the way I did when that happened.
• 58:16
  Speaker 3: So that's, I think, my biggest mistake I made in that regard.
• 58:21
  Speaker 3: Another thing if I had to go back and change something I wish I would have my kids were going here, going there, they're going there, they're going here.
• 58:34
  Speaker 3: So family dinners were a lot like this one's coming in, this one's coming in.
• 58:38
  Speaker 3: I wish I would have slowed that down and encouraged them more to speak at family dinners, more of that kind of dialogue.
• 58:48
  Speaker 3: I think that would have helped.
• 58:53
  Speaker 3: I think in my mind anyway being maybe this is just because of my background with my parents and myself, I got to put role model as one of the most important things.
• 59:03
  Speaker 3: What they see is one of the most important things, what they see, because the kids see everything, and if you think they don't, you know.
• 59:11
  Speaker 3: So you've got to be very circumspect about how you conduct yourself and what lessons you give and what things that you say, because I think that helps set their moral and ethical compass in the way of look at life, moral and ethical compass in the way of look at life.
• 59:33
  Speaker 3: So, uh, and the other thing is is I would say, um and in this regard I think I did a better job was it's not just time that you spend with the kids, it's the quality time, the, the idea of?
• 59:44
  Speaker 3: Well, what do you think about this?
• 59:45
  Speaker 3: Well, what do you?
• 59:46
  Speaker 3: Instead of me giving the answer, is trying to get them to talk and them to think on their own independent thinkers, and that probably didn't occur to me until a little later on.
• 59:59
  Speaker 3: I wish I would have been more aware of that in the beginning, being a new father and so forth.
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 3: But, getting them to think, getting them to well, what is your thought?
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 3: Getting them to articulate.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 3: So those are just some things I, top of my head, I would think of.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: Love it.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: The last one hit me the most because I'm a curiosity nerd and I I have learned and actually I teach this now to leadership teams and sales teams is the power of curiosity.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 2: I got taught at age 41, a framework called TED, which stands for tell me, explain, describe Simple ways to ask questions, but really hard to do, and so I actually practice TED based questions on my kids.
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 2: So, for example, instead of saying, hey, writer, how was your day?
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 2: Good, okay, well, shoot.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 2: What'd you do Nothing?
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay, well, shoot, what'd you do?
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 2: Oh, nothing, okay, shoot.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 2: Did you have fun?
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 2: Yep, pardon my French, those are shitty questions.
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 2: Hey, ryder, well, tell me what was.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 2: Tell me what was.
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 2: Tell me two things that made your round of golf so fun.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 2: Tell me two things that would have made it differently or better, oh, and he says then I'll say great, well, tell me more about that.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 2: And Bob, every time I say tell me more about that to people they don't say Casey, go F off.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 2: I don't want to tell you more about that.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 2: They love talking about themselves and this podcast helps me practice being curious.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 2: But I think what you said there is below is you know, there's a great book I read from a guy named Swen Nader, former guest.
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 2: He said you've not taught until they have learned, and it talks about that.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 2: It talks about teaching people.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 2: If you always give them the answer, they don't create critical thinking skills, and so it's asking questions in a way that removes fear.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 2: Um, and one of my mentors in life said it's okay not to know, but just not okay not to do anything about it.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 2: So you got.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 2: You got to.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 2: Once you embrace that you don't know everything, which is, hey, guess what?
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 2: We all have gaps, we all can get better, we all don't know everything, but once you admit you don't know something, to go fix it.
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 2: Life seems a lot easier when you kind of simplify it that way.
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 2: So I appreciate that advice you shared with us.
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 2: And, all right, it is now time to go into the lightning round, which is where I go random on you.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 2: I'm going to show you the hit, the effects of taking too many hits in college.
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 2: Not bong hits, bob, but football hits.
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: As a former college quarterback, and your job is to answer these questions as quickly as possible, my job is to try to get a giggle out of you.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: Are you ready?
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 3: All right, I'm ready.
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 2: Okay, True or false.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 2: When you left Harvey Nash, you became the center fielder for the Mets.
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 2: What I got you to laugh?
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: What yeah.
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 3: Don't think so.
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 3: That was false.
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's false, okay.
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 2: If I was to come to your house for dinner right now, what would we have for dinner tonight?
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 3: Pasta.
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 2: What kind of pasta?
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 2: Pasta and tomato sauce.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 2: Okay, I love pasta.
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 2: I'm a big spaghetti guy.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 2: I love chicken parm too.
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so good yeah yeah, yeah.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: If you were to book a vacation right now, you and Anna, where are you going?
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 3: India.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 2: Wow, I've never been to India.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 3: You've never been there, yeah.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 2: Have you been?
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 3: I'd love to see that.
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 2: No.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 3: No.
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 2: Okay, tell me the last book you read.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 3: Oh my God, the last book I read right now is I'm reading the Ring of Steel.
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 2: The Ring of Steel.
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 2: There we go.
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 3: Oh, it's World War II.
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, ring of Steel.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 2: Have you been to the World War II Museum in New Orleans?
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 3: No.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 2: Unbelievable.
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 3: No.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 2: Put it on your list, Well.
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 3: I'm going to in a couple of weeks.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 3: I'm going for my second time to do the Band of Brothers World War II, normandy, that kind of thing.
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 3: So I'm going to be there in two weeks, two weeks, spending three weeks over in France to go through that again.
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 3: I love history and stuff.
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 3: World War I, world War II, wow.
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 2: Okay, if I was to go into your phone or wherever you listen to music, tell me what would be the one song you listened to that would surprise your grandkids.
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 3: That would surprise my grandkids.
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 3: Itsy Bitsy, teeny Weeny Yellow Polka that Bikini.
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 2: That you wore on the first time today.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 2: Okay, if there was to be a book written about your life, tell me the title.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 2: Uh ups and downs.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, now, bob, ups and downs.
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 2: Believe it or not, it's selling out everywhere.
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 2: Amazon can't keep it in their warehouses, every airport has it.
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 2: It's crushing it and Hulu has found out about it.
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 2: But now Apple's fighting for it, now Netflix is fighting for it, and now they're going to make a movie about ups and downs.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 2: Bob, you are now the casting director.
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: I need to know who's going to star you in this critically acclaimed, hit new movie.
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 3: Fred Anderson from Saturday Night Live.
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 2: There we go.
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 2: There we go, okay.
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 2: And last question here we go, okay.
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 3: And last question tell me two words that describe anna focused, driven um.
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 3: I could do a lot more, but those come up focused and driven awesome lightning rounds over.
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 2: I got a random giggle out of you by a random question that made no sense.
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 2: I told you to be random, uh this has been a blast getting to know you.
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 2: I love so much of the advice you share with us.
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 2: It's timeless, it'll never grow old.
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 2: All the things that Bob shared with us AI will never replace, which is, I think, being nice, being humble, being present, being active in your kids' lives, going out of your way to do something nice for your wife or spouse or whoever, and also, when you get dealt difficult times, lean into it and be supportive.
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 2: And I'll be continuing to think positive thoughts for you, for Anna, for your family.
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 2: But I'm grateful for the time you spent with us today, bob, and I hope our paths cross again so we can hopefully meet in person.
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 2: That'd be awesome.
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 3: So do I, and.
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 3: I really enjoyed this and I like your questions and I like your format, so terrific, being a part of this.
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 2: Thanks, ac, awesome.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Bob.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay.