Latest / The Purpose and Progress Podcast Show / Healing Childhood Trauma: Recognizing the Signs and Breaking the Cycle with Patricia Grenelle

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Healing Childhood Trauma: Recognizing the Signs and Breaking the Cycle with Patricia Grenelle · The Purpose and Progress Podcast Show

• 0:00
  Patricia Grenelle: Whatever happened to a kid as as a child,
• 0:03
  he's going to grow up to be, whatever, but he's going to have
• 0:08
  to learn to associate with other people. And that means that he's
• 0:14
  going to have a good relationships. And if he didn't
• 0:17
  have a good relationship as a child with either of his parents
• 0:21
  or anybody, then the likelihood of him having a good
• 0:24
  relationship with adults is not very good.
• 0:31
  Dr. Jim Price:: Hello, I'm Dr. Jim Price, and welcome to The
• 0:35
  Purpose and Progress Podcast. This is the place where we
• 0:38
  explore how purpose can guide our actions, and how growth can
• 0:43
  become a part of our everyday lives. On the show, I talk with
• 0:47
  amazing guests, from educators and creators to everyday people
• 0:51
  with extraordinary stories about the challenges they face, the
• 0:55
  lessons they've learned, and how to keep moving forward. My goal
• 0:59
  is to share conversations that inspire you to live
• 1:01
  intentionally, embrace growth, and take meaningful steps to
• 1:05
  your own purpose. Let's get started.
• 1:13
  Hello, and welcome to The Purpose And Progress Podcast
• 1:16
  Show. I'm your host, Dr. Jim Price. And on this show, we
• 1:20
  share inspiring and motivational stories of people from all
• 1:23
  different industries who motivate, inspire change in a
• 1:26
  positive way. And today is no different. You we have an
• 1:29
  amazing guest today. She is a retired forensic psychologist
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  and best-selling memoir author. She brings both professional
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  expertise and lived experience to conversations about childhood
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  sexual abuse and narcissistic trauma. Her goal is to expand
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  understanding, encourage open dialog, and offer practical hope
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  for resilience and healing. Today, we have Patricia
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  Grenelle. How are you doing today?
• 1:57
  Patricia Grenelle: I'm doing fine, thank you.
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  Dr. Jim Price:: Very good to have you on the show. Blessed to
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  have you on the show. And it's interesting because when we talk
• 2:03
  about childhood trauma and stuff like that, I know a lot of that
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  is some of the things that a lot of the focus, a lot of unhealed
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  trauma, there's a lot of unhealed trauma, unhealed
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  childhood trauma, and it's so wonderful that you have put
• 2:16
  yourself in that niche to be able to help people to go
• 2:20
  through those things and deal with that. So to start off in
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  terms of what inspired you or what influenced you to begin on
• 2:29
  that path to get toward making your award winning memoir.
• 2:36
  Patricia Grenelle: I guess it started when I began the class
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  that, I was at a writing class, and it was on write your memoir.
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  I started to write, and I thought, well, I don't have
• 2:48
  anything to say, but I'll go ahead and write. As I started
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  and went a little bit further, I thought, wait a minute. I do
• 2:57
  have something to say here because I have some stuff, some
• 3:00
  information for some people that probably really need to hear
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  this. I decided that not only I had been sexually abused as a
• 3:10
  child, but my sister, who was 17 months older than me, she'd been
• 3:14
  sexually abused a lot worse than I had. And she has passed. She
• 3:19
  passed in 2020nd so since she passed, I decided that it would
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  be good to have a recognition for her in this book, and so I
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  dedicated the book to her.
• 3:31
  Dr. Jim Price:: And that's something that so a lot of
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  times, a lot of people have difficulty just even getting
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  into any kind of expression or even being to take the first
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  step toward to be able to go toward that idea of healing
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  childhood trauma. And even when you talk about narcissistic
• 3:46
  tendencies, you think about the cycle of abuse with that. And
• 3:50
  with the love bombing, and the discard phase, and I forget, I
• 3:58
  know there's a cycle within that. But even with that being
• 4:01
  said, those are all prevalent in society today. And I think a lot
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  of that has changed how a lot of people look at even
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  relationships and things of that nature, their interaction with
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  their family, friends and stuff. When you think about that
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  narcissistic cycle and childhood trauma, those are so prevalent
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  and stuff. And even working within the school systems, you
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  see a lot of kids who are dealing with a lot of those
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  concerns. Not just maybe within themselves, but also within the
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  family structure of maybe their caregivers, family members and
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  stuff like that. Something that everyone definitely needs. The
• 4:37
  audience definitely needs to hear some kind of understanding
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  of how that influences, infects people's lives. Talk about the
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  abuse and things of that nature, I know those were challenges.
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  And in terms when you were getting towards writing the
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  memoir, what do you feel were some of the challenges when you
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  were putting that together that you felt like were maybe hurdles
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  in that way.
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  Patricia Grenelle: I guess I was a little bit leery of writing
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  about the sexuality, and I wasn't exactly sure how much I
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  should put in there. But I thought, well, okay, this is
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  part of the story, so I need to put it in there. And I did.
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  Dr. Jim Price:: I know that a lot of times, that is the thing
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  that happens. You think about the family structures, family
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  dynamic, and how all those things kind of influence and
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  shape how we choose to interact, especially when we talk about
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  unhealed childhood trauma. Because a lot of times the
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  childhood trauma actually can influence how people respond and
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  react in their adult years and stuff.
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  Patricia Grenelle: Definitely does. Yes.
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  Dr. Jim Price:: What would you say about that a little bit in
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  terms of that aspect of things, and the influence that out
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  setting that?
• 5:54
  Patricia Grenelle: Whatever happened to a kid as as a child,
• 5:57
  he's going to grow up to be, whatever, but he's going to have
• 6:02
  to learn to associate with other people. And that means that he's
• 6:08
  going to have a good relationships. And if he didn't
• 6:11
  have a good relationship as a child with either of his parents
• 6:15
  or anybody, then the likelihood of him having a good
• 6:18
  relationship with adults is not very good. Every 68 seconds, a
• 6:24
  child is abused. Somebody in the United States is abused,
• 6:28
  sexually abused. Every 9 times, that person is a child. And
• 6:33
  people, I think, don't realize that they don't recognize that
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  is such an epidemic.
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  Dr. Jim Price:: I didn't even realize that statistically that
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  was like that. That's definitely profound and a major concern
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  right there. And you think about children that they're growing
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  and developing in the early stages of their lives and stuff
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  like that. I's almost like they're going through these
• 6:57
  stages of development. And then all of a sudden, everything
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  becomes stunted and influenced by all these negative aspects of
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  sexual abuse, trauma and all that stuff. I always am a firm
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  believer that when things like that happen, and you're trying
• 7:13
  to navigate a lot of those things and get to the point of
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  actually being even to converse or talk about it, or even take
• 7:20
  that first step toward whatever might be helping, and that's
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  always something. And we talked a little bit about the
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  narcissistic abuse aspects of it, the narcissistic tendencies,
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  can you speak a little bit upon that? Because I know I mentioned
• 7:35
  a little bit about the cycle, and I probably miss one part of
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  the cycle. But just share with our audience a little bit more
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  about that. What is in the narcissistic aspect of things
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  like, what it's about? And maybe things you may see in the cycle
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  and stuff like that.
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  Patricia Grenelle: The narcissism that I felt when I
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  was a child was with the perpetrator, who was my
• 7:58
  brother-in-law. And he also was a misogynist. He felt that women
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  were not supposed to be around. Really, basically, they were
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  just playthings. And that's how he treated them. So the
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  narcissism that I got from him, it tended to really get to me.
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  There were times when he would say things to me, and I would
• 8:24
  just totally ignore it. It was once during my 12th birthday
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  party where I wanted to have a certain thing, and I told my
• 8:32
  mother that I wanted to have chicken, mashed potatoes and
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  gravy. And she said, okay. So at the dinner table, I use a knife
• 8:43
  and fork for my chicken because I don't like to have my hands
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  sticky. And he said, stop doing that. You're not supposed to eat
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  chicken like that. You're supposed to eat chicken with
• 8:53
  your fingers. That's what's normal. And I didn't even try to
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  say anything different. I just thought, well, I'll just let it
• 9:00
  go. That's the kind of thing that I had experience with him.
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  Dr. Jim Price:: So it was the cycle of the narcissistic was
• 9:13
  the love borrowing phase, the devaluation phase. Which the
• 9:17
  love borrowing phase is the narcissistic tendency to try to
• 9:21
  make the connection and mirror to the person what they probably
• 9:25
  want, feel they want to mirror to make them seem like the
• 9:28
  perfect situation where there's connection, real connection when
• 9:32
  it's really not. And then you have the devaluation stage is
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  when, for the audience that probably doesn't understand that
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  aspect of it where the person starts to maybe say belittling
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  things, starting to say things that challenge the person's
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  self-esteem and self-worth. They call that the devaluation stage.
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  Further circles on to the discard stage. So that's when
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  whatever that situation is, whether it's family dynamic,
• 10:00
  relationship dynamic where the person just discards the person
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  and stuff like that. And in a lot of cases, there can be
• 10:07
  aspects where there's a re idolizing former supply or
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  something like that, depending on what the dynamics of that
• 10:14
  relationship was, whether it's mother, father, sister, brother,
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  and romantic relationship, whatever those things may be,
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  and those things can definitely have an impact. And people who
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  don't always recognize the cycles can definitely put
• 10:28
  themselves in a situation where they can be hurt or whatever the
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  case is, or feel let down, or whatever the case is about a lot
• 10:36
  of those aspects of things.
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  Patricia Grenelle: My brother-in-law used to say
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  things about women, derogatory comments about women that were
• 10:45
  very disturbing to hear. And it was something that I carried
• 10:52
  with me for my first 27 years until I realized when I was 27
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  years old, I was in therapy. My therapist said, you were
• 11:03
  sexually abused. And I said, no. I came from a nice, normal
• 11:07
  family. And he said, no, you were sexually abused. So that
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  was at the point where I began to start working towards getting
• 11:15
  better, relieving myself of the CPTSD, and trying to be more
• 11:21
  healthy in my relationships.
• 11:24
  Dr. Jim Price:: And for you at least, I know everybody's path
• 11:28
  to healing and making progress is different and looks
• 11:32
  different. Some people's journey might include journaling, and
• 11:36
  some people might feel like, the therapy path, process path, the
• 11:40
  therapeutic path, everybody has their own journey in terms of
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  when they go through those kind of things, and they're going
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  toward trying to heal internally and stuff like that. Because a
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  lot of times, especially in child abuse situations, a lot of
• 11:55
  time, the victim can tend to blame themselves and feel like
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  it was their fault when it wasn't. And you see that a lot.
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  And so speak in terms of you get on your path and of the process
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  of trying to work through and everything, how was that process
• 12:12
  for you when you started that process? How you maintained to
• 12:17
  push forward with that process?
• 12:19
  Patricia Grenelle: Well, I was kind of shocked at the moment
• 12:21
  because I read about child sexual abuse and thought, gee,
• 12:25
  that's too bad that kids are sexually abused. And then when
• 12:28
  my therapist told me that, I was like, oh, my gosh, I'm a
• 12:32
  statistic. So I started processing that information and
• 12:40
  looking back on my past and the relationship with my brother in
• 12:45
  law, and with my parents, and with the people in my family,
• 12:50
  and that's when I began to start realizing that that wasn't what
• 12:56
  it was supposed to be done.
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• 13:37
  Like I said, that all ties in together. Also with the
• 13:40
  narcissistic aspects too. And a lot of times, like I say, people
• 13:44
  don't always understand what the cycle is when you talk about the
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  love bombing, and then devaluation, and discard phases
• 13:51
  of things and stuff like that. Sometimes, people who maybe go
• 13:54
  and don't understand what they need, wonder what's going on and
• 13:56
  what's happening and confused and all that kind of stuff. But
• 13:59
  a lot of times, a lot of that stuff can make people feel
• 14:03
  confused, even if they're not feeling like, you know. You
• 14:06
  think about the devaluation stage and how it's designed to
• 14:09
  try to tear away at self esteem, self worth, and things like
• 14:13
  that, make you feel indifferent and stuff like that. You know
• 14:16
  what I mean? But being able to like people who go through that
• 14:21
  and are able to recognize things, I'm sure, even with
• 14:26
  relationships as you go forward, you see red flags, situations
• 14:32
  and stuff. Do you feel like even after you've gone through the
• 14:35
  process of maybe healing or trying to heal, and going
• 14:38
  through the therapeutic process, do you feel like it brings more
• 14:42
  of awareness when you're interacting socially with
• 14:48
  people, you feel red flags or a heightened sense of awareness?
• 14:52
  Do you feel that way?
• 14:54
  Patricia Grenelle: Yeah, I do. I still have a couple of symptoms
• 14:58
  that I haven't been able to get rid off. One of them is being
• 15:01
  hyper vigilant. If my husband walks in the room, I go, oh.
• 15:06
  Because I don't expect him. And he always goes, it's just me.
• 15:09
  And there's another thing, I get really angry when I realize that
• 15:14
  I don't have control over something. And I get very
• 15:17
  frustrated. Amazon has a habit of putting boxes inside of
• 15:21
  boxes, and they put them in there really tight, and you
• 15:25
  can't get them out. Well, I got a box one day that had something
• 15:28
  in it. I was trying to get the box out of the box, and I
• 15:31
  couldn't get it out. I finally dropped the thing on the floor,
• 15:35
  and kicked it across the room. When my husband came home, he
• 15:38
  opened it for me. But I had to realize that that was because I
• 15:43
  was feeling traumatized. And I was feeling frustrated because I
• 15:46
  was not in control of what was going on, which was from my
• 15:51
  childhood.
• 15:52
  Dr. Jim Price:: Yeah. I think, absolutely, that's something
• 15:55
  that, like you said, certain aspects of things stay with you.
• 15:59
  Even if you're going through the process of healing and trying to
• 16:03
  process everything that has happened and stuff like that,
• 16:06
  there definitely can be a point where a lot of that does stay
• 16:10
  with a person. And I'm sure there's a lot of families and
• 16:13
  children out there who are currently going through those
• 16:16
  things and figuring how do they find a way out, and how they
• 16:20
  work to get to the point of trying to process everything
• 16:23
  that's going on in that regard and stuff like that. In terms of
• 16:28
  the memoirs, the one memoir and stuff do you have like maybe
• 16:38
  advice for the audience who maybe have friends or family
• 16:41
  that are going through turmoil in that way? Does a memoir also
• 16:46
  include tips toward trying to get to the point where maybe
• 16:51
  they're taking that first step toward being able to want to go
• 16:55
  through the healing process, or try to go through the healing
• 16:57
  process?
• 16:58
  Patricia Grenelle: Yes. That's one of the really important
• 17:00
  things that I want to get across to people. Because the book
• 17:04
  talks about all of that, and it talks about the symptoms and a
• 17:08
  lot of the problems that people have. And I think it's very
• 17:11
  informative. I have a special section in the back where I have
• 17:15
  additional statistics and things, and I think it's very
• 17:20
  helpful for people who have gone through it. And from the reviews
• 17:25
  I've read, people really have accepted it and really are
• 17:30
  positive about what they read.
• 17:33
  Dr. Jim Price:: And that is definitely a much needed book
• 17:36
  too. Because like I said, a lot of times, there's no real
• 17:39
  resources. Just in general, there's a lack of resources for
• 17:43
  a lot of things and stuff like that. And in a situation,
• 17:46
  Patricia, where you're sharing your story and you're being open
• 17:50
  and honest about your process, and how you go through the
• 17:53
  process of healing through the therapeutic process and still
• 17:58
  having some lingering aspects of that influence your life
• 18:01
  currently. Still, a lot of people just, unless they don't
• 18:07
  have that understanding of the bigger picture of that, and how
• 18:10
  all that. And even when you talk about the narcissistic cycle,
• 18:14
  when we talk about the love bombing, devaluation, and
• 18:18
  discard phases of that, all those things are real things.
• 18:22
  And those are diagnosed things that have people who are, if
• 18:29
  you're not aware of that, of course, you wouldn't really know
• 18:32
  how to proceed with all those things. Your book is definitely
• 18:36
  something that's so important. Could you share with our
• 18:39
  audience how could they connect to ordering and purchasing your
• 18:43
  book?
• 18:45
  Patricia Grenelle: It's on Amazon, and it's soon to come
• 18:48
  out on Audible. People can find me in my website, which is
• 18:54
  patriciagrenell.com. And I have a lot of information about the
• 18:58
  book and about myself on the website, and I'd like people to
• 19:03
  take a look at it and sign up. I'll send them out a little
• 19:08
  freebie, just a thing on trauma. And that would be great if they
• 19:12
  would do that. I'm also on Facebook. I'm on Instagram. I'm
• 19:16
  on LinkedIn. Ans Substack.
• 19:19
  Dr. Jim Price:: We always make sure that we give our audience
• 19:26
  some advice, what will be your own idea? What advice would you
• 19:33
  give our listeners and our audience out there, viewers?
• 19:39
  Patricia Grenelle: Be aware. Really be aware. Take a look at
• 19:43
  your childhood. There is a test that is free on Google. It's
• 19:50
  called the ACE test. You've probably heard of it. It asks
• 19:57
  questions about what happened at the child, and it determines
• 20:01
  whether or not you were traumatized as a child. It is
• 20:05
  helpful if you just take that and start out from there. Go and
• 20:10
  look at it, and say, okay. There is something there that I need
• 20:16
  to look at, and then start researching and studying. I
• 20:20
  think that would be very helpful.
• 20:23
  Dr. Jim Price:: That is so wonderful. And the audience, I
• 20:25
  definitely encourage you to purchase her book, her memoir,
• 20:28
  because it's definitely something that can help people
• 20:31
  who are going through childhood trauma, and maybe narcissistic
• 20:35
  abuse or anything like that. I think the book would definitely
• 20:39
  be a great resource, and a great help to help you get on that
• 20:42
  path of healing, help you get on that path of understanding
• 20:46
  yourself personally, and just growth in that way. It's
• 20:49
  definitely been great to have you on the show, Patricia.
• 20:52
  You've shared wisdom, a lot of wisdom. And I'm so grateful that
• 20:56
  you've been able to share your story here on The Purpose And
• 20:59
  Progress podcast. Like I always say, we always share
• 21:02
  inspirational stories of inspirational people who are
• 21:05
  doing great things, and this is no different. Patricia shared
• 21:09
  her story. And the audience, once again, please purchase the
• 21:12
  book if you have loved ones or anyone who's going through these
• 21:16
  kind of ordeals and trauma in their lives, it definitely can
• 21:19
  utilize the books as a reference of healing and having a better
• 21:23
  understanding of everything. So like I always say, stay prayed
• 21:26
  up, and stay blessed. And once again, this is The Purpose in
• 21:30
  Progress Podcast Show. I'm your host, Dr. Jim Price, and we'll
• 21:33
  see you next time.
• 21:35
  Thank you for joining me on this episode of The Purpose in
• 21:38
  Progress Podcast. I hope today's conversation gave you insight,
• 21:41
  inspiration, or a fresh perspective to help you move
• 21:44
  forward with purpose. If you enjoyed the episode, please
• 21:48
  subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who could
• 21:51
  use a little encouragement. You can also support the podcast
• 21:55
  through the donation link in the show notes. Every contribution
• 21:58
  helps us keep sharing stories that uplift and inspire.
• 22:01
  Remember, your purpose is waiting, and progress never
• 22:04
  stops. I'll see you next time.