Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / S3 Ep26: Chappelle Tales: Three Comics, One Legend 🤣

Transcript

S3 Ep26: Chappelle Tales: Three Comics, One Legend 🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: Dave was like, Y'all wanna go bowling?
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_02: And we were like, ain't no bowling alley open on Christmas this late?
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what you talking about?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_02: And he started laughing, he said, Do you realize I'm Dave Chappelle?
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_02: Hi y'all, my name is Tiffany Hottis.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_02: This is where you guys should applaud and go crazy.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_02: I like.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_02: Look, look at this room, y'all.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_02: Look at this room.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_02: Look at the people we got here at this party.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_02: Comedians, actors, and musicians are all here for one man.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_02: We're all here because Dave brings people together in a way that maybe no one else in the world can.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_02: I met Dave over 20 years ago, and we've been friends ever since.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_02: Dave, you have always been my mentor, my big brother.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_02: And uh every time I step on stage, every time I think of you, because um, I always want to make you proud, because you the GOAT.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_02: You know you're the greatest.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_02: What I love about Dave is his spontaneity.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um, my favorite story with Dave was on Christmas, one year after I finished beating the homeless at the laugh factory.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_02: I do that every year because I never forget where I came from.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_02: Not the laugh factory, homeless.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_02: Dave called me to meet him for drinks.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_02: And when I arrived, I see him there with Marlon Wayans, and I was like, what are y'all fathers doing here on Christmas?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_02: Shouldn't y'all be with y'all kids?
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_02: And Dave said, Who are you?
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_02: Scrooge, bitch, have a drink.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_02: So we laughed and joked till about 1 a.m.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_02: And Dave was like, Y'all wanna go bowling?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_02: And we were like, ain't no bowling alley open on Christmas this late?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what you talking about?
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: And he started laughing, he said, uh, do you realize I'm Dave Chappelle?
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_02: He made a phone call, and then we jumped in his SUV, and then we started going up this hill, and then we pulled up to these huge gates.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, huge.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, are we finna be bowling at Jurassic Park?
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_02: We get out the car, go to the door, and guess who opened the door?
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_02: Guess who opened it?
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_02: I said, gas, bitch, gas.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_02: Eddie Murphy opened the door.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, And Dave was like, calm down, calm your ass down for me get kicked out.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, oh my god, I can't believe his act so slowly got a bowling alley.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_02: Man, we must have talked and laughed and shared stories for hours.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_02: And that's the kind of guy Dave is, it's spontaneous.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: And he's magical, and he's a horrible bowler.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_03: I forget I'm famous sometimes.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_03: Like, dudes pulled next to me, like I'm like, what's up, dude?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_03: You old boy.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, thanks.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_03: I don't be knowing, man.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_03: My friends tell me I need to act more famous.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_03: All my friends got money, super famous.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_03: All the comedians around, Dave Chappelle, great comic.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, I've been around Chris Rock.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_03: They're like, Kevin Hart was my roommate before.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_03: Every morning he wake up, like, I'ma make it.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_03: I'll be like, nigga, I'm gonna make that breakfast.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_03: Get these little ass Air Force Ones out of here.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_03: Who got whose shoes is little?
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_03: He used to hate the little shoe, Joe.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_03: Get these little shoes out of here.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_03: One time he got in the car and I had the shoes hanging from the rearview mirror.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_03: The baby shoes, like, Kevin, look at your shoes.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_03: Get them down, get them down.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know, man.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_03: Trying to figure out my famous.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_03: Who am I?
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_03: I know I've been in shit.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_03: But people keep asking me, what you gonna be in next?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_03: Motherfucker, this.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know what's next.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_03: Stop asking actors what's next.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know how to been in some shit.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_03: I know I've been in some shit, because I Googled me.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_03: No, you know what?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_03: Go to hell, Google.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_03: I Googled me and they said I was 48 years old.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_03: Who the fuck changed my age?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_03: That's the worst thing you can do to somebody in Hollywood is make them older.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't even know what happened.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_03: So I went to an audition and Morgan Freeman was there.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, we here for the same part, nigga.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_03: Stop trying to make me an uncle when I'm still a cousin.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_03: But I've been in some shit, I've traveled, I've done things.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_03: I was in Africa, I got booked in Africa.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_03: Nigeria.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_03: They paid me so much money, I thought they purchased me.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_03: I told my baby, I was like, Daddy might not be back.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_03: They gave me racks, motherfucker.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_03: I just imagine me being there in some cage.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_03: Come look at my new D-Ray.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_03: There's somebody lion, there's my zebra, and there's my D-Ray.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_03: D-Ray, tell a joke.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_03: Come on, tell a joke.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_03: Here's somebody.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_03: We have enough feed them to tell a joke.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_03: But I've done shit.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_03: I'm happy about the little movies I did though.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_03: I'm happy.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_03: A lot of movies.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_03: I did 30 fucking movies.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_03: Now take it, I was only in them bitches about three minutes, but I've been in them bitches collectively.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_03: It's a whole film.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_03: Fuck all y'all.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_03: How about that shit right now?
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_03: I was in the fall.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_03: I was in a horror movie.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_03: How about that?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_03: No, not only that, I'm black history.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_03: I was a black dude in a horror movie and I survived, mama.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_03: Now what?
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_03: And I was on a boat.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_03: Niggas don't get on boats.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_03: Niggas get on cruise ships, niggas get on motherfucking yachts for the video, front the hell off, but niggas gonna get on boats.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_03: The only time niggas get on boats is like this.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_03: Man, I'm broke as hell.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_03: Nigga, I'm in the same boat.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_03: That's the whole time.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_03: Niggas getting boats.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_03: I'm black history.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: I remember Dave and I went to McDonald's between shows and we talked about comedy and his future, what his future plans were gonna be, and I said, come to New York City.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: And after he graduated high school, uh he did.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: And he came to New York and we worked at the same comedy club, the Boston Comedy Club.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, all right.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's a little confusing, it was a club in New York City called the Boston Comedy Club.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Look, I don't come up with the names, coke heads do.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: But in New York, Dave was immediately beloved by the stand-up comedy community.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember he got a part in the Mel Brooks movie, uh, Robin Hood, Men in Tights, and we were all like, Dave made it!
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_06: Who's the maid?
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_06: Who's the maid?
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: He came back from uh LA and he got right on stage to talk about his trip out west and how he finally went to Compton after hearing so much about it, and he was like stunned to see that people there had yards.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: All the lore of Compton, and people were like mowing their lawns.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: And of course they were, but there was just like something about that tiny little detail, and that's what he does.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: He he lets himself be surprised by what he learns, and then he he takes us with him as he, you know, looks at it from every angle, you know, angles that most of us don't even see.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_05: Isn't it weird how there's a disease that just starts in 1980 and it doesn't kill anybody but niggas, fags, and junkies?
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_05: Isn't that a fucking amazing coincidence that this disease hates everybody that old white people hate?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_05: I think either God is white or the government hid that shit in disco balls.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: He's always thinking about stuff, he's examining everything, and he really like he gets in his own world.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_06: Now, this is when I knew I was in a bad neighborhood.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_06: You only see this in the worst neighborhoods.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_06: Remember, it's three o'clock in the morning.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_06: It's three o'clock in the morning.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_06: I look out the window, it was a fucking baby standing on a corner.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_06: And the baby didn't even look scared, it was just standing there.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_06: I mean, it made me sad.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_06: It made me sad, really good.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_06: You know what I mean?
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_06: Because I wanted to help the baby.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_06: I don't trust you either.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_06: I'm sorry.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_06: Quick.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: I remember we were together in Vancouver, and he came over to smoke a joint.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: And and that's exactly what he did.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: He came over and he smoked a joint.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: The whole thing.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like by himself.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: While pontificating about everything that's wrong with the world.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'll tell you what's wrong with the world.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: A lack of sharing.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's I think it's puff puff, not pump, pum, puff, huh.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Dave, can you believe this?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: You're getting the freaking Mark Twain prize.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's the right thing.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's actually perfect that you're getting the Mark Twain prize because you both love using the N-word in your masterpieces.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_05: Why is it that I can say the word nigger with impunity?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_05: But I can't say the word fagger.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_05: And she said, Because, David, you are not gay.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_04: I said, Well, Renee.