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He wants your heart - Heidi Kimmel · Armed Anchored Adorned

• Armed Anchored & Adorned: Well, hello. Good morning. Well, good morning. Yeah, it is good morning. Whatever time of day it is for anyone listening. And we have the wonderful honor of Miss Heidi here. I feel like I met you. When, in fact, I've never met, we've never met, but Heidi: Hello. Armed Anchored & Adorned: So I think that's amazing from my perspective. get to see, we get to see how he took you from ⁓ spiritual and physical destruction, sickness and how has refined you through the process, layer by And now he has ⁓ your whole heart. so you were soaking Jesus in, you were just soaking him, soaking in him and soaking him in. We have a mutual friend. I call her my Mel. She's your Mel too. Melody. Mel and I became moms together and you knew Mel through college. And ⁓ she has spoken about you for years to me. I always knew about Heidi and how much she loved you and You're very familiar with the secret place of being with him. You have been transformed, set free, and made new. That's, your story's the gospel. Like, that's just so cool. Heidi: Yes, now she's my mouth. Yeah. Yes. Armed Anchored & Adorned: And you had shared with me that you had never the secret place with him. And that totally changed. Heidi: Yes. Yeah, it is so cool. It's cool that he chose me and pursued me he loved me, you know, because honestly, we nothing is ours, right? ⁓ nothing. Even our faith, strength, think ⁓ everything is there are things that are ⁓ all we are is just our choice, we're to be obedient or not, we're going to be intentional or not. Yeah, it's like where my cup gets filled up, it's where I get to sit with my king. I cherish it and I value it and I crave it the more and more I do it. I love being in his presence and it's really hard actually to leave because I do have children and a family and home that I have to maintain. when I go there, I'm like, I just don't wanna leave. I don't wanna leave, but I mean, Armed Anchored & Adorned: And then after we reconnected when I lived here. Back last year, girl, you need to be praying for this. Girl, pray for this. Girl, pray for this. ⁓ And ⁓ you ⁓ were on our hearts. ⁓ battling you. Heidi: but even him choosing me, like he knows, you know, and so everything is from him and to him and through him, Armed Anchored & Adorned: Yeah. Heidi: when you genuinely go before the Lord and you're intentional ⁓ and like on my knees, my forehead the ground, just, there's just something amazing about that. yeah, And then I started taking communion every day Armed Anchored & Adorned: I've loved. the opportunity to know you through her. And I love that now I finally get a chance to be connected here. And I just see Jesus all through your story and I couldn't wait to show the world that, how beautiful He is through you and your story. So welcome, Heidi. Heidi: I think a lot about the verses too ⁓ I've come to I do say for people who maybe walking through something similar or that just really cling to the word of God his promises are true. He doesn't lie. He's not a liar. And, you know, ⁓ Armed Anchored & Adorned: right. Heidi: There's just something powerful in communion, you know, like it isn't just like a cup and bread like it's literally his body and his blood and you know, there's power I always say when I'm taking it and like, you know, may the essence ⁓ me collide the essence of you Jesus healing me mind body and soul and I just like visualize ⁓ I'm Armed Anchored & Adorned: I'm so glad you're here. Heidi: Thank you. I'm excited to be here. One of the biggest verses that I clung to was Psalm 118, 17. I met a friend of mine when I went up to that house that I was telling you about, the man that lives there, his name is Jason, and the first thing he spoke over me was Psalm 118, 17, and he said, you shall not die, but live and declare my works. And that was kind of, yeah, that was really kind of a banner over me, and I would just repeat it over and over and over. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Before we jump in, I want to just cover this conversation in prayer. Lord, thank you. Thank you for how good you are. Thank you for how big you are. Hmm. Yes, Lord. Heidi: his blood just pouring through every sinew of my body down to a DNA cellular level and not just, for the health of my body, but my mind, my soul, spirit, like that he is just changing me from the inside out. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Thank you that we get to see you working in us, through us, through our stories, through our lives, through moments, through our correction and our refinement. Thank you that you don't leave us where we were. you you Heidi: Psalm 91, 16, with a long life, I will satisfy him and show him my salvation. His words are powerful and there is power in his word, and it does bring life and health. yeah, would definitely be one thing that I would encourage people to do. Armed Anchored & Adorned: and Lord, we are desperate for you to be in this conversation that this conversation would just glow how much we love you and how incredible you are. Speak here. Heidi: there's something to said about really meeting ⁓ with the Lord every day and ⁓ into the Word I so much has changed for me. ⁓ It's amazing. My life like you were just completely transformed and it has poured into the rest of my life. It's not just me. It's affecting my family. It's creating, affecting my community, which is so cool. And I just love how ⁓ Armed Anchored & Adorned: Let your face shine on this conversation and through this conversation into the lives of anybody listening. Hi. We ask for. Heidi: you can't help but see the goodness of God and His love. your life is valued and that you're treasured. Armed Anchored & Adorned: awakening. Heidi: I'm like actually in ministry and I'm walking alongside people ⁓ and like actually care about people more and I'm getting involved in that sense and I'm giving them my time and my resources to people and to things my family is they're pursuing the Lord. Me and my husband are in a marriage class now and my kids are reading the Bible with me and we pray together. ⁓ Armed Anchored & Adorned: for you to have more of our hearts. You want all of our hearts. You want all of us. We thank you for it. Okay. Okay. This is for you, Lord, in Jesus' holy name, Amen. Heidi: Thank you. Armed Anchored & Adorned: So. Heidi: Thank Armed Anchored & Adorned: We're gonna start, but we'll start kind of back up a little bit because I mean, all have, I care where we are, we all have our BC days before Christ, before Jesus. So I feel like when we spoke, that's where we started and I thought it was appropriate. Heidi: And like I'm super teachable and I'm really learning to live in the present because the future is what ifs and what ifs is fear. There's no trusting and I don't live in the past. I mean, obviously you have moments, right? I asked for forgiveness. God searched me, you know, my heart. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Hmm Heidi: I do mess up like I was saying, but it's just not this blatant sin anymore. know, this ⁓ lukewarm living. possessed me. I'm your vessel. ⁓ Use me. Yeah, I just, you know, love Jesus. I him to be proud of me ⁓ and I want to serve him. I just have this image of like, if Jesus were to walk into the room right now, like physically walk into the room, what would I do? Armed Anchored & Adorned: Will you share with us kind of what that looked like for you and, you know, growing up and things like that? Heidi: Yeah, for sure. So yeah, was, I up in the church. ⁓ my mom, since I was little, ⁓ took me and my siblings to ⁓ She was, she became a believer later in life. And so ⁓ her, it was just so real and so important that she go to church ⁓ have community and that her children go so. ⁓ And I think it's really good to imagine that, like, what would you do? Would you just sit there? Would you keep doing what you're doing? Like, no. Like for me, I would be on my knees, like, you are worthy, you are so holy, you know? So I always try to keep that in my mind. Like, if he was here right now, would he be pleased with what I'm doing? How would I act? So, he is. He's in me. he is. Armed Anchored & Adorned: . That is. Right. Yeah. Heidi: We grew up in the church and I remember not the dates specifically, but I remember, you know, accepting Christ into my heart, praying a sinner's prayer, asking him to rule and reign over my life. You know, I believe that he came and died on the cross and rose again. but as a child, obviously you Armed Anchored & Adorned: Because he Because he Never left us, never will. Heidi: Yeah, yeah, he is, and he's a jealous God, right? Like, so, you know, just the remembrance of like him, you know, he will have no idols and he loves us and he wants our hearts. you you accept him trustingly, but what does it mean to, have Christ rule your life? as a child, you don't really, really, you know, understand the concept of that. I, kind of did the thing. I went to church with my mom and, and, you know, we kind of checked that box, but I feel like, as a child, nothing was really cultivated. You know, for people, we are the church and we need to remember to stay connected to people. Again, I know I had reiterated that, but we just really do need to walk life together. You know, it's easy to go into like a church and check a box and then leave, but you know, God has given us community for a reason and it's really important that we stay. at home where it was like, this is how you have a relationship with Jesus. ⁓ discipleship, I grew you know, as I started into my teens, teenage years, ⁓ you know, God was always in my mind, but you know, I don't necessarily feel like I had a lot of fruit. ⁓ my sister and others were praying that the people that I into contact in the medical field were people who ⁓ would speak life over me. And ⁓ that we stay connected to the body and to the mind of Christ. Armed Anchored & Adorned: I can't thank you enough for ⁓ on and ⁓ ⁓ how beautiful he has. Heidi: people who couldn't, that their mouths would be shut. there were many circumstances where you would see like a nurse wanna say something and then they would pause and then not say anything. and I made a lot of really bad decisions and God really became this thing in my life where he was more of like a friend of convenience. I seem to have like, it was like one foot in the door, like in the world and then one foot in my faith. And ⁓ yeah. Yeah. Armed Anchored & Adorned: transformed and he dwells in you in a whole new way. And that's just, ⁓ beautiful to witness and thank you for letting us as a really, ⁓ Heidi: Yeah, you're welcome. Armed Anchored & Adorned: what it's all about. It's what we're here for, right? I mean, what we're here for to be his witnesses. ⁓ Absolutely. Heidi: So, yeah, yeah. So that's just kinda how I knew him. never, you know, like I, I'd pray to him at night maybe, but it was, I wasn't reading my Bible, I knew verses, cause I went to a Christian school and things like that, but it wasn't like I was really getting into the word myself to really get to know the heart of Jesus. so, ⁓ yeah, it was really ⁓ very surface-y or almost like lukewarm. Armed Anchored & Adorned: You're not alone. Heidi: sure. Yeah, it's his story. Armed Anchored & Adorned: before we end, Yeah. Pray for those listening, wherever they are, whether they relate totally to where you were or bits and pieces. Would you just cover the listeners today? Heidi: I had a telehealth with this melanoma specialist in Denver. And I remember it wasn't even out of like prompting. ⁓ She started talking about, yeah, and ⁓ when you're And I was like, what? And I remember my sister stopping her and she's like, wait, you just said cured. And she's like, the other doctor here won't say cured. She's like, tell me about this. ⁓ Armed Anchored & Adorned: Mm-hmm. Heidi: kind of relationship. ⁓ tended to almost like enter into like a of more like just self-worship for myself and ⁓ just a sense of like pride and disobedience. So yeah, that's kind of how it was in beginning. Yeah, yeah. Armed Anchored & Adorned: . Okay. Heidi: yeah, I definitely can. to encourage people, I had this written out as I shared in the beginning. it was just like a totally different conversation. It was like, there's hope. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Yep. Heidi: I guess this is my prayer too. Prayer that will break the mold for each and every one of you who are listening, that he will decimate your old paths and that he will annihilate every area where you may be following the wrong things and moving in the wrong assignments and that he will bring beauty from ash and that he will make you more like his image and Armed Anchored & Adorned: Thank Thank You're not alone in that, that's for sure. It's easy, it's a very easy thing to slip into in our world. And it happens very quick. Heidi: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very quickly. Yeah. Very quickly. Yeah. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Pretty amazing. Yes. We're done. Heidi: Lord, I just pray for each and every one of these people that may be listening to us that they will remember your goodness and your holiness, God, that they will remember that you answer prayers and that you still shower your people with miracles. as I got older, you know, and started having children and, you know, getting married, it was just kind of like that pattern just continued and I feel like it just got, just more intense because I wasn't cultivating a relationship with Jesus. Armed Anchored & Adorned: you Heidi: I pray that people will always contend because you are loving and you are so kind and that you love to lavish upon your people with your goodness. I pray God that you will call all people out of lukewarm. I pray God that you will draw more people to your heart. that they will, the scales that were once upon their eyes, God that you will peel them off and show them the reality of your truth. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Sorry. Heidi: It was like those insecurities and those, the baggage that you carry from life. I wouldn't say trauma, because I didn't have trauma in my life, but you know, just all the things that we carry just intensified. Yeah, they intensified for sure. And I just felt like, ⁓ from the outside in, it was like, ⁓ everybody would say, hey, your life. it was just so cool how like, God would show up, just these little reminders like, hey, I'm here. You know, I'm listening and how he would answer prayers. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Yep. Yeah. Heidi: and maybe how they're living. But God, I know that even in my darkness, you showed up. You were there all along as I walked through the valley of the shadow of death. didn't have to fear because you were with me, your rod and your staff. It comforted me. And you prepared a table before me as I was sitting at that table, God, and the battle was raging. You were fighting for me and you, I was able to just sit at this table and eat. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Yes, all right. Thank you. Heidi: It's amazing, like you seem to have it all together, things are great, but inside it was like I was very sick. My heart was very sick. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, yeah. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Yeah. Heidi: I don't do chemo, I do immunotherapy. melanoma only responds to that. so what it is it just like ⁓ hypes up your immune system. It's like it's steroids and it goes after ⁓ rogue cells. Armed Anchored & Adorned: heartbreaking because I know your story is not unique in that particular area. It's very, know, discipleship is not something that is really focused on in the Big C Church and we have to recognize how much we need that. So you are so not alone. Heidi: Yeah. ⁓ and enjoy my meal as you fought that battle. I think a lot about and Goliath and how he came with nothing but his And he told Goliath, he said, I don't come to you with a sword or a spear, ⁓ but come to you in the name of Yahweh. There's power in your name. There is power in who you are. And all we have to do is just sit Yeah. Yeah, it's, yeah, it's, it's, and, that's one thing for sure that I am, you know, really trying to cultivate in my children now is like the importance of, you know, reading the word of God and just really setting that example of like, you need to meet with them, you need to pray. So yeah, it's, it's very, very important. So, ⁓ Armed Anchored & Adorned: Yes, Lord. Heidi: They try to get people four treatments, but ⁓ usually people only get through two ⁓ it's that intense. at your feet you will fight the battle. So I pray God that you will give everyone a fresh revelation of this, that your glory and the truth of who you are and the power and your majesty will be so real to each and every individual that they will trust, that you will increase their trust and their faith and their hope in you and know that you have good things for them. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Yes, word. Yeah, not needing not needing to do it because it's the right thing. It's because your soul needs it. So you're. Heidi: Yeah. Yeah. like, yeah. Yeah. And how can. Armed Anchored & Adorned: That's gonna be, that's beautiful. I'm sure you're to do that with your babies. Heidi: and that they can just sit at that table before their Goliath and that you will fight the battle and that you will annihilate it. Every stronghold. Every stronghold. And that miracles, they happen. Healing happens for today. It isn't for the past. It wasn't just in the Bible. It is for today. And I am evidence of that and I thank you God. So I pray right now in the mighty name of Jesus for healing. Yeah, well, and it's like, how can you have a relationship with anyone if you're ⁓ not communicating? You know, you can't. so. I wrote I wrote a testimony for a friend of mine. and I Armed Anchored & Adorned: Yes. Yeah, good, so Wow. Heidi: ⁓ it was horrible, horrible, horrible. And then the second, the second treatment that I got, started throwing fevers of 104.3 every day, all day. Like nothing would deal it. I thought I was going to die. it was horrible, I only, I only got two, couldn't do four. They cut me off and put me down onto a single treatment. ⁓ over people who may be suffering from infirmity or disease, God, that you will miraculously heal their bodies right now in the name of Jesus Christ. God, we thank you. We pray for just your spirit to come upon this world and for more lives to be saved, for fires to be ignited, for people to just catch your vision and to just start standing up for truth. I just wanted to share some of this because I feel like it just ⁓ put it into perspective a little bit better. this is kind of where my heart was of recently, I would say within the last year and a half maybe prior to. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Hmm. Yes, sorry. Sorry. Heidi: But because of that, because my body, my immune system was so robust to begin with, it gave me, it ended up causing me to get this really rare side effect. And so they say like only 5 % of people get it, but what it did is it basically ate like all the melanin in my body, which like, Armed Anchored & Adorned: Please. Heidi: and for your word, God. Ignite a flame, God. We just pray for many lives to be saved and for heaven to be full. We thank you for life, for health today. We thank you for your blessings. There's so many we can't even name them, but we praise you and we thank you for all of that. And we just ask, Lord, that your face will shine upon us today and that you will be gracious to us. We thank you for this opportunity. ⁓ things changing for me. Is it okay if I share that? Armed Anchored & Adorned: Yes. Thank you. Okay. Heidi: God was just a friend of convenience and ⁓ friends would me and think that I was a good person who perhaps had it all together. But the reality and truth of my situation was that my heart was very sick. My thoughts were dark and I was habitually selfish. I was lying, ⁓ I was from my parents. I was fantasizing about having an affair against my husband. ⁓ gives your, your body protect against the sun. So that's why I like tans. And so what it did is it, it did that to my skin. My skin is a lot whiter than it used to be, but ⁓ it has turned my hair white. I dye my hair, but like if I were to take my mascara off, my eyelashes are all white, like all my arm hair, everything's white. So ⁓ I'm like albino, my, you know, I wear stuff on my eyebrows. It's, I'm white. ⁓ And we ask all of this in your mighty name, Jesus. Amen. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Amen. Boom. Amen. I love that so much. Heidi: Boom. Yeah. Power and prayer. Thanks. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Wow. Heidi: I engaged in conversations with people that were grotesque and perverse. I would yell at my children and I would speak profanities over them. More days than not, I felt extremely held down by them. I was unhappy with my body and I pushed myself and my body physically to insane extremes just to achieve what I thought was acceptable to the world. I was judgmental and I gossiped about everyone that I knew. I carried anger and hatred for my neighbors. Armed Anchored & Adorned: I ⁓ I love how God made us for right here and right now to watch us sit. He's sitting watching us share how cool He is. So thank you. Thank you for carving out time and making space to do it and being obedient and brave. ⁓ know, hard to, because you're naked before the Lord is one thing. Heidi: so what they say with people who get the effect is that they ⁓ go into basically remission, like all, they say all, and they a durable response, they don't usually see reoccurrence in who have it. ⁓ Yeah, for sure. See you. I longed for a better life, to be rich, well traveled, healthy, beautiful, and successful. I wanted people to long to be like me, and I wanted to be able to speak highly of myself to others, to lift myself up, be acknowledged and loved by all. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Mm hmm. But you did a little bit of that here and there's power in that too. And I love it so much. Heidi: So it was really cool that God did that because, I would say every day I was on the floor on my knees crying, like ugly crying because ⁓ it's just, I'm trusting God in moments, but sometimes it was second by second. Am I going to die? Okay, God, surrender, surrender, surrender. I would go and I would look in the mirror and I'd see the white and it was just reminder like, Hey, Heidi, I got this. Yeah, first time. Yeah. Armed Anchored & Adorned: ⁓ So to wrap up, we always ask what's for dinner? Because we're sick of the question and we want to help. Heidi: So what's for dinner? Well, yeah, so last weekend I was sick. I had like some stomach bug and it was actually my husband's birthday. So it was like, didn't happen. The celebration did not happen. And obviously today is Valentine's Day. So I think we're gonna take. So that's really hard to admit, but that's where my heart was. It was bad. It was really bad. It was very, it was dark. But I feel like there's, something to say, you know, about that, like in confession and... You're okay. You're okay. And my has cattle ⁓ and always baby cows that are brown. well, this summer, guess what? Her cow has a brilliant white baby cow. Never heard of before. ⁓ I saw a white bee this Like all these little critters, ⁓ white. ⁓ Armed Anchored & Adorned: It's freeing. Heidi: You know, you know, like, yeah, for people to know that it's like real, right? Like we all have something, right? Like you're not alone. And that's kind of the reality of, that was the reality of my life without Jesus. And it was just getting worse. It was spiraling. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Ow. Heidi: try to re-celebrate his birthday tonight. A friend of mine made homemade sourdough. A friend made it. She makes delicious bread. I gonna kind of create a meal around that. Maybe do some like roasted chicken with a salad and potatoes or something. So that's my whole, we'll see. ⁓ may end up being pizza or something. yeah. ⁓ I always have big lofty plans, but we'll see. ⁓ Armed Anchored & Adorned: It's Cool. Bye. Sounds good. Yeah. guarantee that there will be ears that listen to this and absolutely are, ⁓ that's me, ⁓ that's me, that's me, or that was me. And recognize like every little bit of that and that's crazy. I understand that fully. Heidi: it's crazy. and it was in the days that I needed it the most. was just so cool how he, there's, so many stories of just his, his goodness and showing up, like time and time again, I got baptized this summer, I rededicated my life to Christ and I, you know, died to the world and I Armed Anchored & Adorned: Right, morning me is different than afternoon me. what the enemy is so famous for and unfortunately really really good at is keeping that, keeping us quiet about it. Heidi: went in as a dead man and came up with new life and Mm-hmm. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Darkness thrives in silence, but you are coming truly your soul naked before the Lord and say, I am. And the freedom that comes with that is so much better than any perception that somebody else would have of you. Like you are wholeheartedly you before the Lord. Heidi: I don't know if your followers are interested in any of the verses that I read, because I can always send that to you. ⁓ Kind of the things that I did, if people are interested in kind of using that tool, there's some tools, but I do have that available, so. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Please, all of them, all of them. Absolutely. Absolutely. Right. Heidi: it's just like, just these little glimpses. And I think that was the cool thing, cause tried to look for God in everything too, like in my day. Like, oh, there's his protection. Oh, he's showing up here. Here he is, here he is. I remember this one really crazy experience. Armed Anchored & Adorned: would love that for myself. I would love to read over that and ⁓ pray over all that. Yes, please. Thank you for offering. ⁓ We'll post those in the show notes. happy to your sweetie. I hope it's a a great The freedom that's with that is so much richer than the facade. So I am so grateful that you're willing to do that. ⁓ A lot of people feel safer not doing that. And they're wrong. I love you if that's you, but it's... Heidi: Okay, yeah, you're welcome. Thanks, you too. Yeah, I'll tell him. Yeah, thank you. I was walking and I remember all of a sudden the leaves and the wind rustling and he said to me, I'm right here. And I was like. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Well, thank you all for being here and we love you. Heidi: Yeah. Armed Anchored & Adorned: You're wrong, you're not free or keeping that stuff hidden, you're just not. So I'm so happy for you that you have, that has lifted off of you, that's not for you anymore. Like any shame is gone, it's at the foot of the cross. And how gracious is he? He wasn't sitting there shaking his head, forehead slapping. Hmm. Heidi: it was just so, so amazing. was like, ⁓ with you. ⁓ And just goodness and he orchestrate ⁓ people in my path ⁓ and ⁓ from very beginning, even until it's a ⁓ wild ride. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Armed Anchored & Adorned: So cool. shaking his finger at you hand on head like that's not our God. He's like, come here baby, I know. Come here, come crawl into my lap and let's go through this together. And he was so gracious with you, with me as well in my own story, but I love how he started through that preparing you for. Heidi: Okay. Yeah. Armed Anchored & Adorned: so this was April through October of the same year, you found out. There's nothing. It's gone. what he saw coming. He's like, come here, let's, you need me always, not just, what do you think you need me? Come here. I want to be an all the time Lord with you. Heidi: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had such a good response. it's just really remarkable. people think, ⁓ melanoma, you had a spot on your skin, blah, blah, blah. So I never had a primary. That's what they call it. They never found a location as to where my melanoma started. Yeah. Armed Anchored & Adorned: And so some of those things you shared with me about his gracious, loving whispers, like what did those look like for you? Heidi: all the time. So I feel like in the midst of, all of this, this ugliness, I was just really spiraling with like control. I'd always been like a person who was, I always had to be in control because I didn't trust, I didn't trust any situation. Um, I, suffered with like, God has just already been working in me and in my body. ⁓ So in October, I went to see my oncologist, had a scan ⁓ and she, ⁓ a lot of anxiety and depression and just perfectionism. yeah, was just overwhelming. And I thought little things like I'd exercise and I'd take a lot of vitamins and I was super healthy with my food and just all the things. And ⁓ my house was immaculate, you name it. But... ⁓ Armed Anchored & Adorned: Mm. Gross. I hate that. Heidi: started talking about this one specific spot on my lung. ⁓ And, and I was like, how is it? And she starts doing her measurements and she's like, yeah, it's shrunk from like seven to like two or something, know, millimeters or whatever, however they measure it. and I was thinking, okay, well, I still obviously have stuff going on. And then she's like, yeah, but there's no metabolic activity. And I'm like, what? I, it was ⁓ even the point where like, with my neighbors, I was like trying to ⁓ control, you know, in my subdivision. And I was just becoming angry and just really mad. And I ⁓ didn't really feel I had a lot of respect or love for people, which, just, it just kept getting worse and worse. My heart just was becoming darker. ⁓ Armed Anchored & Adorned: Yeah. Heidi: And I'm like, what about this other stuff? And she's like, no, it's all gone. She's like, it's dead. There was no activity in my body. It was dead. yeah, so was just like, wow, that was fast and just absolutely amazing. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Okay. Thank you, Heidi: all of a sudden I just started hearing the Lord. ⁓ I remember, more specifically, ⁓ one day going on a walk ⁓ and God started, you know, really just speaking to me. He was like, Heidi, ⁓ Armed Anchored & Adorned: ⁓ Heidi: Yeah. None of this really matters, you know, like in the scheme of it all, none of this really matters. He's just like, I want you, I want your heart. And... Armed Anchored & Adorned: I love that. I love that whisper to your soul. Like I love that so much. Heidi: Yeah. Yeah. even in the of all my darkness. ⁓ He was the peace that would bring to my mind when it actually ⁓ took my focus off of world and the situations that were going on in my life and just my insecurities and my ⁓ almost disdain for my life. And when my eyes were focused back on him and he would say, hey, Heidi, I just want your heart. was like all of that kind of, you know, it just started to fade. I would have these moments of just peace. yeah, you're right. none of that really matters. So it was cool. He was just starting to like prepare my heart and slowly, yeah, gently kind of start, you know, chiseling away at those walls that I, you know, had built up. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Yeah. gently. You had a couple other whispers to your soul that you had shared with me about... ⁓ preparing you for what was coming. those. He shared those. Heidi: Yeah, was just like he ⁓ kept speaking to me about, my hate people and ⁓ he was showing I got involved with a few people I was invited to go on this walk with women. And I just thought it was to talk ⁓ our relationships our marriage. ⁓ my hope was to just share the struggles that I feeling. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Mm. Heidi: I mean, it was just such a crazy experience because it ended up going so far down this dark rabbit hole that, yeah, it was ⁓ very perverse and almost kind of just like grotesque. And, as I'm walking with these women, I have a lot of compassion for them. I'm not judging, you know, I wasn't judging them because, my heart was there too, not necessarily thinking about leaving my husband, but I fantasized about, other men. ⁓ But in the midst of that, I felt like God was Armed Anchored & Adorned: No. Heidi: it was like this correction, how are you living? what is your life that you would actually be invited into ⁓ a conversation like this? how ⁓ removed have I been God that I would, Armed Anchored & Adorned: Yeah. Heidi: that I would put myself in a position to have things spoken into my life that were not even a reflection of what God wants for marriage or even just for myself. It was like a big wake-up call. And I do remember later feeling convicted and actually texting these women and ⁓ saying, I'm so sorry Armed Anchored & Adorned: Okay. Okay. Heidi: and I had to, you know, recant with everything and just say, this is actually what I believe and this is what I stand for for marriage But yeah, it was a big wake up call for me. yeah, and then there was another time where I remember I'd been sleeping and I had woken up and I got out of bed and I was just this thought, kind of came to my mind like, hey, Heidi, you're gonna die. And I was like, what? Like it was just so out of the blue. And I thought, well, that was so random. Like why? And it was very real to me. It was, you know, it was something I pondered. I was like, that was weird. I couldn't sleep the rest of the night and. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Yeah. Heidi: I don't know if that was God necessarily, but I did think this is weird. And in the sin, I should say this, my sin was very blatant. remember being in certain positions, like maybe even just, Armed Anchored & Adorned: Yeah. Yeah. Heidi: being on Amazon and getting ready to order something and know that I'm stealing from my mother and being like, okay. Like it was blatant. I knew and God, you he was like, ⁓ this is wrong, this is wrong. But I didn't care. I didn't care. I just was living, you know, for myself. I had made myself an idol. I many idols, many. Many. ⁓ Armed Anchored & Adorned: I understand that. Heidi: Yeah. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Well, it's interesting when you said, I don't know if that was necessarily the Lord's voice. I've been thinking about this recently. had years ago, I was reading the part in scripture where in Luke 22, Jesus Peter, ⁓ Satan has desired to sift like wheat. ⁓ I read that verse and was like, ooh, ⁓ and then I heard a voice. And I don't think it real that it dawned me that I actually heard two voices. ⁓ One ⁓ was much louder. And it was like hissing back here as like an accusation. And the other was like real gentle and just like right here where they were saying the exact same thing, but one was like, hey, this is a warning. I'm with you. I need you to pay attention. And I heard that request has been made of you. And I only heard this one of like, oh, well, that's scary. That's a scary thing to hear. actually believe that it literally is all of us in that are following the Lord that request has been made of us that he wants to sift us like wheat has the Lord's disciples but my point with it is it's like this voice is that scary voice it's like sneering at you and it's loud and accusation intimidation and then there's this one that's like hey wake up hey wake up You're gonna die. Like, hey, I'm with you. But so I think, I think it's like, yes, you know, I don't know if it was necessarily, I think you were right. I think that was a whisper from the Lord and the enemy's like, you're gonna die. trying to just make you crumble and not, right? mean. Heidi: Yeah, yeah, because I mean, let's be honest, right? Like, sin is why Christ came. The whole story of the Bible is about why Jesus had to come, because of the weight of sin is death. ⁓ And yeah, mean, it's heavy. ⁓ I know if people... ⁓ necessarily talk about that enough, especially in the church about the weight of sin, you know, I feel like today, today is society, it's more like, well, whatever makes you feel good, your truth is your truth, right? you know, sin is, sin is God has never tolerated sin. He, ⁓ ⁓ easy, you know, ⁓ does. Armed Anchored & Adorned: And you do you. He wants us free. He wants us free. He came to set us free and we're stupid. Heidi: right? We just keep, I know it's funny I read the Bible and I think gosh those Israelites they had it you know they had God with them and blah blah blah you know and they saw this we do it all the time all the time it's just we're no different yes Armed Anchored & Adorned: ⁓ yeah, we have a holy spirit. And we're just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, shh. Heidi: Yeah. So that was definitely one. Yeah. Yeah. And that was kind of one thing that I felt like ⁓ God really revealing through hearing that one ⁓ night, but like also the ⁓ that had started creating, he was, also just, of highlighting that as well, Armed Anchored & Adorned: So yeah, you were hearing that. Heidi: I was getting, Botox in my face and I I had created my you know, my body, that was an idol. How I looked was an idol. ⁓ The things I had was an idol. children were an idol. My family was an idol. You know, like I was just, ⁓ and that he was speaking to me that too. Like, hey, like you have, you have. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Yeah. Heidi: created all these high places, Heidi. he been really whispering that as well to me, ⁓ just like, is not good. And he will have no other gods before him. ⁓ And ⁓ think something too, that people don't realize how, and I didn't, idols, ⁓ Armed Anchored & Adorned: Thank Heidi: we still have idols, know, TV can be idols, our phone can be idols, there's all these things and, ⁓ know, no, and even just like your time, like I remember, you know, prior, you know, during this time of him just kind of softening my heart, it was like, you know, I was working out a ton, you know, because I was trying to achieve this like perfect body and ⁓ it like, ⁓ Armed Anchored & Adorned: It doesn't have to be a golden cast. Nope. Heidi: I would make time for that no matter what. No matter what. ⁓ But to sit before the Lord, mean, forget it. You know, my time was an idol. And ⁓ I think about even that now, you know, as God has really refined me, He's always speaking to me, well, you you could go do this, but I would rather you do this first. You know, it's just... Armed Anchored & Adorned: Yeah. Great. Heidi: Yeah, there's just a lot of dying to myself. So that was a huge revelation as well. over the last year, Armed Anchored & Adorned: And you said you were starting to feel your body. Get sick. Heidi: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I have this quote I wanna read really quick because I really feel like it's kind of a precursor to what began this journey for me. So it's this prophetic guy, his name is Nate Johnson and he says, Armed Anchored & Adorned: Yeah, leave us in the Heidi: When God breaks the mold, He is decimating old paths, annihilating every area where you were following the wrong things, moving in the wrong assignments, or operating in motion mode instead of being in step with the Holy Spirit. He also states that when it looks like doors are closing, like things are ending, like ashes and ruins are all around you, Armed Anchored & Adorned: Okay. Hmm. Heidi: The true reality of your situation is that this is the year God decided to make you. So I really feel like this is kind of what began in my life. ⁓ In March last year, God had been working in me ⁓ and he been like revealing these things to me. I decided to take my children my sister-in-law to Phoenix Spring Break. Armed Anchored & Adorned: ⁓ Heidi: and we just wanted to get in the sun and have some warmth because we're in Colorado and you know hang out at a pool for a week and do a little bit of hiking. So maybe three days before we were about to leave I remember getting sick like I just felt off like my body I just really felt kind of feverish and just kind of achy and Armed Anchored & Adorned: No. Heidi: just started feeling pretty bad. But I thought, you know, my son had just had a cold. have three kids and I was like, ⁓ I just picked something up. we ended up going on that trip and it was a 14 hour drive from where we are to Phoenix, did it straight with the kids. And I was, pretty sore from driving. ⁓ so we there and I just started feeling like, still pretty bad. I remember smells and food just tasting kind of funny and off and weird, almost like women would experience with morning sickness. That's kind of how it felt. So just thought, gosh, I still love this thing going on. ⁓ So I just pushed through and we did our thing in Phoenix. And there was a night I was just having a lot of back pain, so I stretched. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Yeah. Yeah. Heidi: The next morning I woke up and my neck was swollen. And it actually I kind of try to reference it to like a bullfrog almost. it wasn't horrible, but it was definitely, very pronounced. So I just thought, well, maybe I stretched something, like, or pulled something because I'd been ⁓ very involved in like CrossFit I was like really just. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Yeah. Heidi: overdoing it with my body. so we had our vacation, came home, and the night that I got home, it was like my body, I was so exhausted and I have really never felt that way before. And I just coined it to just, a week away with my family and just being tired and blah, blah. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Wow. Heidi: So I slept the night that night through and woke up and had to go back to bed. So I ended up pretty much sleeping for a good week. Like could not catch up on my sleep and decided I gotta go to the doctor. Not getting better. Don't know what's going on. This is weird. Armed Anchored & Adorned: This is April of 2025. Heidi: Yep. Yep. Yeah. So we head into April and I start seeing my family physician and, um, they, at first they were just like, you I think you have a virus, that's why, your throat is swelling. It's just like this. And, just come back if you don't feel better. Well, still not feeling better. Come back. They're like, okay, well, let's just get like an ultrasound of what's going on here. Cause still just thought it was a virus. And ⁓ we did an ultrasound and they're like, the radiologist was like, well, it's your thyroid. You could get a biopsy, but they said it looked non So I was like, okay, what is going on? So we did a few more tests and everything was coming back. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Well. Heidi: fine. mean, it was literally like a month I've just waited out and see and I just wasn't getting better. I just felt awful. couldn't eat. just felt exhausted. ⁓ Armed Anchored & Adorned: Going around and around. Wow. Wow. Heidi: So I probably saw my family physician, I would say four or five times. So the very last time I go in, my doctor was like feeling around on my neck and then he feels over here on my clavicle and he's like, oh no. found another lump in my clavicle. this is kind of concerning. I just want to go ahead and get a CAT scan. Let's just go do it, make it stat. I go in that same day, get it done. ⁓ And I'm waiting around and he calls me at night well, they did the wrong test. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Okay. Heidi: but what they did see is that there's more going on. And I thought, ⁓ dear God, what is happening? after that, they decided that I needed to get a biopsy. And so ⁓ then began the process of, okay, what's going on? Armed Anchored & Adorned: Yeah. Heidi: this whole process is just kind of like a waiting thing. You know, you're just waiting, waiting, waiting, praying, hoping, believing, all the things. so I got a call in March or not in March, in April. And I was with my family on my bed you remember that and it's of traumatizing he said ⁓ didn't oncology call you and was like what and i was like what are you talking about and he's like well do you want to know and i was like well yeah of course i want to know ⁓ and ⁓ he's like yeah have and i was like melanoma what Armed Anchored & Adorned: Wow. Heidi: And I think kind of in the back of my mind, I thought, if anything, it's going to be like lymphoma or something. i remember my doctor he's i'm sorry and it was very ⁓ not compassionate i remember him saying i gotta go i gotta go eat dinner and i like what ⁓ how do you how do you give somebody ⁓ Armed Anchored & Adorned: ⁓ wow. Heidi: that and then like talk to them for a couple more minutes and just be like, have to go, I have to go get dinner. ⁓ I knew some, he said, ⁓ I knew somebody who got diagnosed and they're still walking around. I was like, what? Like my world just changed in like a moment, right? Like in one conversation, my whole world just like freaking got flipped upside down. So yeah, it was, it was crazy. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Wow. I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive him. I hope you can forgive him. Heidi: I yes, I have. I know. Yeah. Well, and like, you really don't know till you know, like till you really have to walk through that or you have somebody who is very close to you that's had to walk through that. So. So yeah, that Armed Anchored & Adorned: And doctors have to say these things all the time. So it's like a. little calloused, I'm sorry. Heidi: It's okay, yeah. It was just a part of the journey and I think some people, just, they don't realize the power of words, right? Like they just, they have no idea. so that's why I read ⁓ what I because I feel like in that moment, that was when God decided to Armed Anchored & Adorned: Thank Heidi: Not that he gave me this, right? But I feel like it was the catalyst to the beginning of him decimating old paths, annihilating every area that I was following the wrong things. Like, that he was truly gonna make, he was gonna make me. Like, he was gonna save me from myself. He was gonna draw me to his heart, right? But, Armed Anchored & Adorned: Right. ⁓ Heidi: it was earth shattering, I feel like it was almost like this, this tsunami that just like hit me. ⁓ It hit house that I had built years, you know, that I'd spent years building. It was just like, it ⁓ all just in one, literally in one five minute conversation. ⁓ And everything stripped from me in one conversation. ⁓ All the all... everything. My whole reality was just... leveled in a moment. And all I had was the foundation. That was it. So... yeah. Armed Anchored & Adorned: . And God can work with that. Heidi: You can work with that. Yeah. I, I, I was thinking, I was like, well, how can you describe what that's like to get a diagnosis, like of cancer? And so I Googled the definition of shock and I feel like this is really truly how it was for me. So here's the words that hit me, terror. Armed Anchored & Adorned: it Yeah. Well, your analogy of the tsunami was like very... have not in your shoes, but Heidi: horror or disgust, sudden or violent mental or emotional disturbance. the words that really ring are terror, and violent. Armed Anchored & Adorned: That was an awakening for me. was like, wow, that was really good. I mean, all those words that you're talking about is what I would imagine with a tsunami too, like shock, terror, or like what just happened. Heidi: Yeah, so. No time to think, it's just all stripped away in an instant. Because, I mean, it really was. Everything all of a sudden was out of my control. It was like, don't know if I'm gonna live. I mean, I was literally feeling my body die. I didn't know that's what it was until I got the diagnosis, but I was feeling my body die and it felt bad. So I didn't know if I would live. I didn't know if I'd get to see my kids grow up or be, you know, get married, have children. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Yeah. Right. Heidi: Like. like anything, like it was all stripped away, all of it. ⁓ very, intense. that phone call, I instantly, ⁓ know, went to the floor in bathroom and I was on my knees, you know, just begging God for a miracle. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Thank Heidi: When everything in your life is stripped away, do you have anything? How do you remedy it? Like what is left? And the only thing I had was God. The only thing I had was God. And sorry if I cry. Yeah, so I just remember being on the floor and just begging and pleading with God like, God, please give me a miracle, please, please. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Thank you. Heidi: Please give me a miracle. ⁓ Armed Anchored & Adorned: Thank you Lord Heidi: The journey from there just, if I think back, how hard and how not knowing anything, you're just in the moment with God and it was just me and God and okay, what is gonna happen? It's just life changing, so... Armed Anchored & Adorned: Great. I can't even, this had to be just so hard. And I'm so, I'm so grateful you had that prep work to your soul right before. Thank you Lord for that, that you started to connect with him. Heidi: Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ Armed Anchored & Adorned: ⁓ And I mean, this was not, I just wanted to kind of highlight too, you didn't allow a claiming of a number on your body of like the stage of everything. But what they did want to put on you was a high number. Heidi: So once you get diagnosed with cancer, then you have to go through this waiting game So there's tons of tests they have to do. You have to wait for insurance to cover things. It's just this whole process. So you're walking around with this diagnosis, but you don't know how bad it is for a while. Armed Anchored & Adorned: bit. Heidi: So, one of the first things you do, ⁓ I believe for cancers all, is you have to get a PET scan. And so what they do is they inject sugars, ⁓ into your body. So it's like, Armed Anchored & Adorned: ⁓ Great. Heidi: All of a sudden, you're also in this position of having to do things you never would want to do in your whole life. And it's like, you have to be brave, even though you are like crumbling inside. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Okay. Heidi: go through the process of all these tests and meet with my oncologist and, you know, I mean, who wants to say they have an oncologist? ⁓ The first thing she says is, well, you have stage four, melanoma. And I thought, ⁓ my gosh. And she said, then you will never be cured. she starts talking about, you know, where it is in my art. She said, do you want to see your pet skin? I said, no, I don't even want to see where the heck this stuff is. You know, like, no. And she kind of just, you know, very ⁓ quickly said, you know, it's in a few little spots in your body, And I think my family, my husband or my sister looked at where it was, but I just, couldn't do it. I just was like, at this point, no. And I remember saying to her, I said, do not give me a prognosis. I knew from that point, like I was not going to let them speak that over me. Like you know, like you do not determine ⁓ how long I'm going to live. That, not for you to say. Cause she had already said, you know, you'll never be cured. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Okay. Heidi: And I thought no. So... Armed Anchored & Adorned: And it wasn't, to my understanding, it wasn't like a denial. It was like, no, no, no, I'm aligned with what God wants for me. It wasn't like, I don't wanna know. It was like, no, Jesus gets to tell me when, my days. Okay, just to. Heidi: No. Yeah. Yeah, because I have always like believed that words have power and our minds are so powerful. in the sense of, talk about like psychosomatic responses, you think it eventually you create it, you know? And so there's something to be said about hope, right? Like if you kill somebody's hope, Armed Anchored & Adorned: They do. Yeah. Heidi: Why live? Why even try? And so I wasn't gonna let somebody you only have two months to live. I wasn't gonna let them determine that. That's for God to decide. really where I went and you know from that point it was my sister had created a whatsapp thing for people to look at and to be able to pray for me and the responses kind of went through that filter and she did filter a lot because you know everybody has an opinion about what you should do or not do or you know judge judge judge and so she filtered that and she she made it very clear she said if you will if you do reach out to her you will not like Armed Anchored & Adorned: Right. Heidi: we are only speaking life. are only, you know, words, she was very clear about that, words have power. They, in the tongue, they can bring life or they can bring death, and we are only speaking life. So, that was huge. Armed Anchored & Adorned: I remember ⁓ Mel reaching out I was with I was praying with you. I was I was battling for you with you. And prayer is the thing. Prayer the Thank you, Lord, that we get to engage in that with him. He is it. It ⁓ is him. ⁓ But we get to come ⁓ Heidi: Yeah. Armed Anchored & Adorned: pour our hearts out You had shared with me different ways that, Thank you, Lord, for this is the, yay Thank you, Jesus, for that you had this, ⁓ you you were stripped to your foundation, ⁓ but was there in that foundation ⁓ where you yourself clinging ⁓ to in these days and this time. And I just, Heidi: Yeah. Yeah. Armed Anchored & Adorned: What does that look like for you? mean, yes, people were interceding for you and thank you, Jesus, for that. But you, your focus was on him and not partnering with the diagnosis, not agreeing with that. But I mean, you did some things to create a depth of connection with. Heidi: Yeah. Armed Anchored & Adorned: the King of Kings and I wanted to I want you to share that if you will. Heidi: Sure. I wrote and I like to, share this real quick. says, so in the darkness, ⁓ in this darkness that I had found myself, it became a story of goodness, faithfulness, love and protection. And it became a story of God's grace and his mercy. quickly God started highlighting things my life. ⁓ And ⁓ very, very quickly, he was like, forgiveness. I immediately started obeying. He spoke to me and he was like, you need to go to this person, you need to confess to this person, you need to go, and I did it. Armed Anchored & Adorned: Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Heidi: I was like, I cannot not, I have to have a clean slate. So I remember the first person I reached out to was my mom and my dad. And I said, hey, I've been stealing from you guys. And that was so hard to admit, like, ⁓ but had to. ⁓ And remember telling my brother and my sister what I had done. Yeah, ⁓ and ⁓ you that's became this, this story of Armed Anchored & Adorned: Okay. Heidi: you know, repentance and confession not only to Jesus, but also to people I was in community with. And so that was really hard. But, you know, even in that there was so much beauty because I had a friend who I'd reached out to and I said, you know, I'm really sorry for this, this, this. Will you please forgive me? And she had shared with me later that because of what I had done, it Armed Anchored & Adorned: ⁓ Cool. Heidi: had affected her so much that she went to another person and had restoration in a relationship. So it was really cool. Yeah, so that was really the first thing that had to happen that God really led me to doing. And I feel like one thing he had really shown me was like obedience. in your heart, I want your heart, but Armed Anchored & Adorned: . Heidi: with that is the obedience. You have to be willing to, to do a 180 and walk away from everything you knew and start clean and forget, or not forget, but forgive. So, um, so I did that. And then, um, immediately I just began really soaking in God, like, Armed Anchored & Adorned: Okay. Okay. Heidi: I went to a healing room probably within the first week of being staged and had a bunch of people pray over me and I got this list. It's 101 healing verses that are from the Bible. And I began reading that over myself every night. And I would say, Heidi, you will live till you are 120. ⁓ I always put my name in front of it. I would, in many of verses, I would visualize myself. Like for instance, you the woman with the issue of blood and how she reached for Jesus's garment, because she believed that even if she could touch him, just a little bit of him, she would be healed. And I would visualize doing that to Jesus. And I would listen to scripture. over me for healing and there was a lot of meditation because in the beginning I was so sick I couldn't really get out of bed and obviously I still had a lot of anxiety ⁓ the unknown there was still a lot of fear because I hadn't ever learned how to release control so I had a lot of trust issues still at that time so I couldn't get out of bed. ⁓ So I would just lay there and I would just pray. ⁓ Armed Anchored & Adorned: It's impossible. Okay. Heidi: And it was like, although I had all this stuff going on, I really felt like when I was in his presence, there was so much peace. It's like hard to explain, but the storm is raging and you have those thoughts and you know that's kind of like your reality. But at the same time, ⁓ there this trust and this faith that was being... ⁓ Cultivated in me like God was just drawing me closer and closer to his heart a friend of ⁓ took me up to these people's house ⁓ and I ended up having Complete strangers. I just shared my story to them, which I normally wouldn't do ⁓ Armed Anchored & Adorned: Okay. Okay. Heidi: shared my story and they all, around me and started praying and I began going to this. They had a worship night every Monday and ⁓ they had a Bible study. So I was just like really just immersing myself into the body of and God as much as I could. Started going back to church. ⁓ Armed Anchored & Adorned: Okay. Heidi: the pastor of my church was like, I think you are probably the most prayed for person that I know of right now. And even my sister was like, people that are coming out of the woodworks to pray for you. She's like, I've never seen anything like it.