Latest / Soul Salon with Ayandastood / 84: discomfort is the portal

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84: discomfort is the portal · Soul Salon with Ayandastood

• 0:00
  Discomfort is not a wall, it is a doorway.
• 0:04
  Discomfort is not a dead end, it is an alive invitation.
• 0:10
  All that you are calling in and all that we are calling in through you will inevitably ask you to sit with discomfort and to say,
• 0:21
  yes, even though I don't want to experience this discomfort, I don't like how it affects my body, my nervous system, I don't enjoy this feeling, even though it feels deeply just counterintuitive to stay in that feeling and to walk through and towards the fire rather than avoid it or around it.
• 0:42
  That is my love, one of the ways to truly embody the courage that you are here to be and to become through your dream and through what you are calling in.
• 0:53
  So I really want to talk to you about this theme because I feel that this is what blocks so many of us from fully embodying what we know we feel called to embody in this lifetime.
• 1:04
  I also of course want to say that the primary blocker to our magic and magnificence are systems of oppression, our cultural conditioning, social programming, very big systems of supremacy, of colonialism and coloniality, of capitalism and the way our lives are structured around time and the lack of freedom and aliveness that we get to embody in our lives very often because of these systems.
• 1:29
  So I always want to name that first and then sometimes you feel in your life, you do have more capacity to step into your music or your writing or your gifts and yet you are resisting right you are afraid or you feel blocked or you feel stuck, there are actions you know you could take.
• 1:48
  You have let's say 30 minutes or an hour or a day that you could carve out so the problem is not necessarily that you cannot take action in the sense of you are physically blocked from doing so but there are these internal energetic blocks that feel like you're afraid and you don't know how to move through the fear or you feel stuck or you feel uncomfortable you feel like you're trapped in a cycle where you keep saying you're going to do something maybe you started you get to a certain point and then you back away from the project or from.
• 2:18
  The ask the calling so that's what we're really talking about today and it's really challenging to hold the complexity of these topics and to say like primarily this is a systemic issue and a collective imagination dominant collective imagination issue and then also at the same time as visionaries I believe we are all the womb of who we are all becoming so if a world exists without those systems it is because the artist and the creator within us.
• 2:45
  Birthday into being it didn't just drop from the sky it didn't drop from the birds or from the flowers in fact it also did but we as people as artists as makers as visionaries as builders as dreamers as feelers as healers we must have allowed the visionary within us to guide us home.
• 3:03
  To lead us to where we were always meant to go to co create heaven on earth so I believe that there is necessarily an internal conversation that needs to be had with the parts of us that are keeping us stuck and keeping us playing a role that feels too small for us and the part of us that feels ready to be free and to express freely and take up more space and make mistakes and make a miss and be imperfect but there is this internal block that is by design that we have in
• 3:33
  being suggested we have imbibed and imbued from the systems that we live and breathe and that live and breathe us so I do want to hold that tension you know and also acknowledge we do the best that we can to reach for the language that we feel we can offer and this is what I feel I can offer knowing it is inherently imperfect there are inherently things that I will not say forget to say not even have the wisdom to say or the courage to say but I hope that this can serve you okay okay so often I hope that this
• 4:03
  in the creative process in the process of bringing what we are calling in into life whether that's a dream book that you've been dreaming of writing or a dream visibility you've been calling in maybe you dream of having your thoughts and ideas living and breathing in the collective consciousness shared between friends influencing how people experience life in a beautiful way bringing them home to love to magic to spirituality to astrology to whatever your gifts are but then there's that fear there could be the fear being seen something I
• 4:33
  don't talk about so often which is a deep existential fear of being judged which is an existential fear of being socially unended unalived because so much of our safety is tied up on social approval or at least it historically and ancestry has been that we need to be accepted by the tribe in order to survive so we have this deep fundamental link in our consciousness that it's not safe to be judged it's not safe to be seen in a critical or negative light then we also have a digital landscape that can be seen in a critical or negative light then we also have a digital landscape that can be seen in the public
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  we can feel really terrifying at times to navigate we see people be cancelled we see people be criticized we see people be torn down and it collaborates with that part of our subconscious who's like you see that's what's going to happen to you and this happens to me all the time where I'm like you're scrolling or you're seeing what's happening and how people are being criticized and part of you is internalizing that as inevitable to happen to you
• 5:25
  and so there's different forms of discomfort that we face there's the fear of insecurity of instability the fear of going all in on something and then losing everything financial instability and insecurity and fears around failing fears around losing everything fears around criticism like we said fears around not being good at something you know being a beginner and how we've been conditioned to believe that that is unsafe it's only safe to be excellent it's only safe to be the embodiment of excellence in your field or in your craft
• 5:54
  which sets us up for quote unquote failure because you can only become excellent at anything by first surrendering to the unavoidable beautiful stunning magical uncomfortable devastating delicious journey of being a beginner
• 6:09
  and so we're being invited really when we face discomfort to sit with this paradox that some of the things that we believe will bring us the most joy the most fulfillment the most service and alignment that sense of I always think of it as
• 6:25
  on my deathbed wanting to look back and be really proud and at ease with what I've created in this life like I've given you know to the world
• 6:34
  and I've given to myself and I've given to my community and my family and my friends I've been a source of generosity but not an imposed generosity which is what creates resentment and what creates misalignment fatigue energy drain the feeling that you're giving and giving and giving but you're not doing your sacred giving
• 6:53
  so in a sense you're depleting yourself on efforts activities messages expectations that are not truly your deepest giving in this lifetime it's like if a peach tries to give flight to the world you know it's not meant to give flying to the world birds give flying peaches give the juiciness of peaches
• 7:10
  and they give a moment of pleasure and they give a moment of sustenance and nourishment and they give the deliciousness of the beautiful RNG redness and a peach has but a peach is not here to give the wings of a bird a peach is here to give what peaches give
• 7:26
  and so when we are out of alignment with our sacred giving that creates a feeling of frustration of misalignment of negativity of resentment towards the people who we feel we cannot say no to because of family expectations cultural expectations capitalism that's actually a perfect example of that of being made to give your time in ways that you know are not your sacred giving but having to in order to make ends meet in order to pay the bills in order to pay rent and such for things so
• 7:56
  when it comes to giving our sacred giving when it comes to you giving your sacred giving one of the paradoxes in that journey as I've said is that you'll be asked to sit with discomfort and most people in the face of that discomfort will avoid it and this is also now being conditioned into us by culture by technology because we have all these technologies that allow us to escape feeling uncomfortable to escape boredom
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  why would I be bored why would I sit and do nothing why would I sit in this line or this queue or this uncomfortable place this elevator and talk to people or just sit in the discomfort of being in a tight space with strangers when I could scroll my phone when I could open up a bunch of apps when I could respond to text you know when I could also do important things you know on my phone that I need to do so we're being conditioned to have so many escape routes away from discomfort and this is affecting how we show up for us
• 8:56
  for our dreams because it's so much easier to go and read someone else's sub stack then sit with a draft of your own and how imperfect it feels or not good enough it feels and how uncomfortable the writing feels at certain stages of it like why would you stay in that discomfort when you could flee from it and this is a question that as big dreamers as visionaries who hope to actually live our visions we need to be so aware of where in your life my love are you avoiding discomfort in the service of your dreams
• 9:26
  what specific forms of discomfort are you avoiding are you avoiding the discomfort of editing your work are you avoiding the discomfort of posting the work so maybe you're really actually develop the capacity to create the TikTok video but where the discomfort comes in is the actual accepting of it accepting that yes you could have said more you could have done more it could have been this it could have been that there are infinite could have been but that what is is more than generous is more than enough and deserves at least to be shared and
• 9:56
  that possibility of how this could help someone is worth sharing it for so where in the process of your creations are you avoiding discomfort because the very same places that we avoid discomfort are also the places where we avoid the dream so the law of polarity which I talk about very often over here in the soul salon is that
• 10:19
  everything every human experience actually every earth every cosmic experience involves the both and involves the night and the day the darkness and the light and they're not just involved passively they co-create each other they enable each other we cannot have life and the brightness of day without the rest and the reprieve of night if the sun just shown all the time all the plants would just die they need the reprieve of the night time the nourishment of the night time similar to us
• 10:48
  we rest at night you know we have this reprieve from energy and so much activity that allows us to slip into the dream world and to dream and explore and rest and recover and our dreams are this fertile soil for them what gets revealed in the light but without the darkness to be the boom of the dream there could be no seed for that dream that then got planted and then grew and blossomed you hear what I'm saying so they enable each other you know they are
• 11:18
  mutually co-creating each other at all times so conflict enables togetherness and intimacy and feeling close to someone when you have really loving conflict with someone you walk away from and feeling like wow I just learn so much about them I learn so much about myself I feel closer to them than ever if the conflict is held with love and with consciousness and awareness and compassion rather than contempt so we have this world where some of us want the vision without
• 11:48
  the discomfort that the vision will bring so many people may want to quit their full-time job and work for themselves but then when it comes to the pressure to tell people about what you do so maybe that's you are writing an ebook that you self publishing let's say your dream is to write a book and you want to self publish this book because you don't believe in the publishing industry you love the fact that self publishing is growing and you want that creative freedom and control okay great so you write the book of course in the writing of the book so much discomfort comes up
• 12:18
  you feel uncomfortable you feel it will never be good enough it feels such a like such a daunting project but you sit with that discomfort you sit with it you sit with it you finish the book
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  then it comes time to tell people about the book and invite them to buy the book oh now the blocks the stories the fears are coming up it's embarrassing it's annoying to sell I don't want to be cringe I don't want to be like a cringy salesperson it's embarrassing to ask people for money who am I to get to why should people spend money on me so many people are suffering in the world
• 12:48
  why should they spend money on my book and all these stories stories stories right and there you face this
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  discomfort that then leads many people to say well I guess maybe I'll go try write a sub stack because
• 13:01
  that's going to be easier to monetize and it's already plugged into the system to the platform and how it
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  works and people are so used to paying for sub stacks so maybe that's going to be the thing and you cycle
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  through these dreams because you avoid certain forms of discomfort now first let's celebrate the fact
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  that there are many forms of discomfort you are facing if you're watching this video there's healing work
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  or there is journaling or there is sitting with triggers and not reacting the way you used to
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  there is showing up for your creative work you're doing amazing you're doing incredible there's so many ways
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  you've become the person you were always longing for the person the elder you always dreamed of having in
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  your corner in your heart you know supporting you pouring love and light into you of course having
• 13:43
  days where that's not the case but really showing up for yourself so let's take a moment to
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  celebrate what are you feeling so proud of yourself for in what ways have you become the dream person
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  that you were always calling in maybe the dream parent to your inner child the dream friend to your
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  inner child how have you embodied what once felt so out of reach okay so now we also know my love
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  that if you avoid the discomfort of sharing this ebook the dream of living abundantly through the
• 14:17
  vessel of this ebook will never be realized and so in avoiding the discomfort you are also avoiding
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  the dream just like in avoiding the difficult conversation we also avoid having the dream relationship
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  because every dream relationship will need to pass through the invitation the vessel the womb
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  of uncomfortable intimate conversations about family and childhood and money and boundaries and
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  heartbreak and grief and oh that really hurt my feelings when you said that and it made me feel like
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  you don't care about me or you and it made me feel like this and it made me feel like that like
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  sitting in those uncomfortable conversations is what creates the dream relationship is what builds
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  the safety brick by brick for your inner child to feel at ease and at comfort and secure in that
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  relationship but if you don't have the conversation you avoid laying each of those bricks and there's
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  no nothing holding you your inner child your future self within the container of that relationship
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  so similarly when you are facing this comfort in sharing about this ebook telling people inviting
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  you are then avoiding the dream then you are avoiding the dream of this ebook reaching all the
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  people it's meant for how will they ever be nourished by your consciousness and your words
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  if you never tell them about it okay okay so in these moments the invitation is to not see this
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  as a detour like oh I was feeling really good and then something wrong happened but actually see
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  this as the point part of why you called this dream in and part of why I'd called you in perhaps
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  is for you to sit with this very discomfort because when you're feeling uncomfortable there's
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  some form of shame there's some form of conditional love that's coming through what if everyone judges
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  me for being too salesy what if people think I'm annoying and I don't accept myself so you're
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  being invited to accept yourself more than what anyone could say about you more than the
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  perception that you are being salesy more than people's judgment because I think often in the
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  face of judgment people say oh no no one's judging you no one cares about you they only care
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  about themselves I think this is a form of avoidance because we've all judged people if you're
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  watching this I'd also invite you if you fear judgment part of the conversation that I feel
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  doesn't get held is who have you judged because you're in a judge knows who you have outwardly
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  judged whether it's through your words through gossiping with friends or internally judged you're
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  scrolling and you're like oh I would never have said it that way or my word how can she be doing
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  this how can they be charging that how can they be saying this in this email unsubscribed
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  discard them which is fine it's your right but then when it's your turn to try and do something
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  that in a judge is like oh remember how we judge them that's how we're going to judge ourselves
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  so I think part of this cultural conversation around the fear of being seen trying also needs to
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  reconcile that we are also not always safe spaces for other people to try things we can be very
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  judgmental of people very critical of people only believing people who have amazing voices should
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  be singing on tiktok or instagram only believing that if someone is this they don't also get to be
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  that and then when we try and integrate many parts of ourselves we're like what if people don't
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  accept that I'm a multi passionate who have you not accepted is a multi passionate and this is
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  just with no judgment I always notice that's something I fear being judged for I have judged
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  someone for and that is the invitation maybe write a letter to this person saying you know what I
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  really judged you for da da da and now I understand because judgment is also a deeper understanding that
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  has not yet taken place so you stuck in a lower expression of judgment versus alkalizing that into a
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  deeper understanding of like why people may do what they do and so I think we manifested the
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  discomfort just as much as we manifested the dream because there's a healed self who can only
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  be revealed through us facing that discomfort and there's like a courageous warrior within each of
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  us or we wouldn't be here you know there's like a part of us that is really powerful and bigger than
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  any challenge and I think we're being invited to expand into the part of us that can face the
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  discomfort the discomfort of being seen the discomfort of being judged we're we're making
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  ourselves smaller than that like oh discomfort look at you you're so much bigger than me and
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  grander than me you're so all knowing and look how big and scary and terrifying you are and I'll
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  never be able to transcend you versus there is a self that says I see you discomfort I can face you
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  I've got this I am resilience it's not that I am resilient person literally by the very fact that
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  I'm breathing I am a manifestation of resilience itself I am resilience and so I can hold I can
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  face I can experience what you are asking me to experience I don't need to shrink myself in the
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  face of you I don't need to pretend you're so much bigger than me you know I don't need to put
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  you on a pedestal I remove all pedestals they do not serve me I can face this I can face the fear
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  of making this video of course I can of course I can I can face the nerves before going on stage of
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  course I can everything I see and the people I admire who do this you know humans do this all
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  the time the Olympian is afraid before they go out the singer is afraid before they go out
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  the parent may be afraid before they apologize to the child the child may be afraid before they
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  apologize to the parent before they confess that they did something quote unquote wrong the lover
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  can be afraid to confess their love but they do it anyways because that is a human capacity
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  to rise in the face of fear rather than shrink so I'm going to invite you to reflect where in my
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  life have I already done this where in my life have I already expanded in the face of discomfort
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  rather than contracted myself where have I shown up with courage and how can I lean on that wisdom
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  that lives within me to face this next form of discomfort and how can I see that the universe
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  loves me so much that it gave me this discomfort to face because of who I get to become on the other
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  side of it so I would invite you to journal on who do I get to become by saying yes to this
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  discomfort so if you are a singer and you're very afraid of performing in a roomful of people which
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  is terrifying or could be for some people I would find it terrifying but by choosing that
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  discomfort and saying yes you become the version of you who's that much closer to being the one
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  who can sit in an arena and stand in an arena and sing in front of thousands of people by saying
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  yes to that roomful of people by saying yes to the discomfort of eye contact and way to look by
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  saying yes to that you are saying yes to becoming the version of you who is bigger than that room
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  and therefore ready for the next room and ready for the next room and ready for the next room
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  every time I say yes to making these videos holding my fear holding my fears of not being good enough
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  of not saying the right things of sounding this or being perceived as that I'm expanding babes
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  so much so that I'm like oh I'm ready I've always been ready we've always been ready by the way
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  nothing is above me say that nothing is above you nothing's on a pedestal we put our dreams like
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  they're so far away from us I have this story where I'm like oh one day I'll be able
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  mm-hmm one day today walk through that door I'm ready haha I'm ready because I face discomfort so
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  many times that I know I have the capacity to face it again and yes it will be a different flavor
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  different texture different dimension of discomfort but I've built an intimacy with that feeling so
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  often I've shown up so many times afraid whether it's from these videos whether it's on zoom
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  whether it's wherever it may be zoom calls containers that I've held free trainings that I've held
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  I'm like I've been facing discomfort improv is a great way to practice this I love improv
• 22:15
  that's an amazing way to face discomfort huh so much fun so delightful which we haven't
• 22:20
  spoken about delight which we also get to experience throughout dreams but that's more publicized
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  so that's why we're not talking about it right now but it builds a muscle of trust within you
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  because you've seen yourself face it again and again and the universe wants you to build that
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  muscle so that when you are in that stadium babes when you are performing at that festival
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  you feel like you've faced discomfort so many times that you know you become the version of you
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  who can hold it and who can even have fun with it who can play with it who has this master
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  alchemist who's vibing at the same time as she's a little bit or they're a little bit or he's
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  a little bit terrified who knows that they don't need to shrink in the face of feeling nervous
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  or anxious or afraid so what is one aligned action that you can go take my love that does make
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  you uncomfortable and how can we accept that this is as much a part of life as comfort
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  discomfort is as much a part of the human experience as comfort and when we are too much on one
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  side or the other we will face an unbalanced we will face
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  another form of discomfort the discomfort of living a life that's too small for us because every
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  time you say I don't want to be uncomfortable you say I don't want my life to change I don't
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  want my life to change if the waiter comes and says hi what will you be having you know what I'll
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  not be having discomfort what they're hearing the universe waiter or waitress is hearing oh
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  they don't want a life that feels expanded and magnificent that feels expanded and dreamy
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  and they don't want to experience the pride of saying I did it even though I was afraid even
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  though I felt resistance I did it they don't want that okay cool so we'll give them more of the same
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  what does that create it creates anxiety it creates discomfort that's irony discomfort will
• 24:08
  create further discomfort or discomfort can create a form of comfort like every comfort we want
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  whether that's a dream you want a level of financial freedom you want a level of creative
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  abundance you want lies on the other side of discomfort so by choosing discomfort you're actually
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  choosing comfort by choosing comfort you're choosing discomfort you hear what I'm saying you hear
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  what I'm saying so if you think about it discomfort if we think of the law of cause a cause and
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  effect this comfort is like a cause one of the causes that has its effect comfort because the more you
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  do something you're uncomfortable with eventually it becomes so normal to you you're no longer
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  uncomfortable so we all used to find learning to speak deeply uncomfortable learning to walk deeply
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  uncomfortable we face a discomfort so many times that it transmuted itself transformed itself into
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  the comfort it was seeking to become now we don't even think about speaking when we speak we don't
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  even think about walking or dreaming or discovering whatever it may be however if we had rejected that
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  discomfort we would have been actually choosing discomfort okay because the discomfort would never
• 25:14
  have been alchemized into a deeper and embodied form of comfort if all you face is comfort eventually
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  it's you you want to grow it's like a snake that's stuck in its skin yes it's uncomfortable to grow
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  but it wants to grow in fact I learned in this book I'm reading I'm not yet sure if the book is
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  something I would recommend because I just started it but it's called the comma of success and
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  I thought when a snake shared its skin it felt kind of neutral about it like it just happened you
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  know it's just like one of those happenings but I read this okay it says snakes spend over 10%
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  of their lives in an intense state of change called ectisus also known as shedding it's an
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  unpleasant endeavor that involves the snake going blind for a few days and rubbing itself against
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  hard painful surfaces to try and get the old skin off snakes will hide themselves and stop
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  eating during this period because they're so irritated and so vulnerable hmm snakes will hide
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  themselves and stop eating during this period because they're so irritated and so vulnerable
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  the whole experience is excruciating that's a word excruciating for a snake to shed its skin
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  this thing we're taught from a young age just happens it's just a part of change it's just a part
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  of growth but you would never ever see a snake reject the process there is simply no alternative
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  snake shed birds migrate and grass grows notice the ease with which all of this happens the grass
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  doesn't try to grow and the snake doesn't force himself or herself or themselves to shed
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  the same applies to you too so the difference though is we have the consciousness to reject the
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  change so that's where I would add on to this book is that yes it is an easeful process it is
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  an emergent process you can tell something wants to happen you just can feel the energy the
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  calling pulling you forward but the difference is you have a consciousness that can say I believe
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  all life has consciousness but you have the kind of consciousness that can resist change whereas the
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  tree the snake the bird does not so I believe they have their own consciousness that we don't
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  understand but we also know the snake doesn't have the consciousness that says I know I need to
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  shed the skin but I'm gonna choose not to I know I need to leave this relationship but you know
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  what you know that'd be so uncomfortable so I'm just gonna stay I know I need to leave this job
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  I know it I know it but you know what that feels so scary and daunting I'm just gonna stay
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  or I know I need to not leave the job but start to build a security a safety net for myself
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  start to build an exit strategy for myself but that would make me have to confront that I'm
• 28:05
  afraid of failing and I'm afraid to make that next step so I'm just gonna avoid it so we have
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  the kind of consciousness that can deny our own next becoming block it repress it okay so what
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  is seeking to be expressed within you from within to without that you're being invited to allow
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  even if it's uncomfortable and how can you normalize in your heart that discomfort is a part of
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  discovery it's a part of growing it's a part of excellence it's a part of becoming who you seek
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  to become and maybe take a second to think of your favorite artists your favorite writers singers
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  musicians and go and study these people and hear how much discomfort they faced in the process of
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  it's my first time back home on the stage after giving birth I'm creating my own home coming
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  and it's hard there were days that I thought you know I'd never be the same I'd never be the same
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  physically my strength and endurance would never be the same and you know a lot of the choreography
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  is about feeling so as not as technical it's from your own personality that brings it to life
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  and that's hard when you don't feel like yourself
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  I had to rebuild my body from cut muscles it took me a while to feel confident enough to
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  forget and give them my own personality so Beyonce's homecoming documentary is a classic example
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  of this of training for months and months or even yours I can't remember for this two or three
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  hour performance accepting the discomfort many forms of discomfort none of us would want and that's
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  okay we don't we all have sort of our own boundaries and limits which is beautiful but every single
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  artist we admire the writer we admire that's been ten years writing that novel building that world
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  willing to sit in the discomfort of things taking longer than they wanted them to take I've
• 30:16
  been so inspired by Rosalia's new album which is so beautiful and it took her three years to
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  make that album and she talks about how discouraging it was to sit with it taking so much longer
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  than she wished it had taken it's a beautiful woman you know when okay now the the album is finished
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  finally and now it's about sharing it it can be discouraging sometimes how long it takes
• 30:39
  but I think stitching my patience each project is teaching me more patience well you must have
• 30:44
  had so much patience to just get through this process of making this album because there's so much
• 30:49
  in it yes I loved what you said about Linda Cohen and the idea of finishing a record in the
• 30:54
  three stages an area where it can just you can just be very lost in it yeah it's no longer yours
• 30:59
  it takes a lot of life of its own that must have been many moments during the making of this
• 31:04
  thought that way yes because it's been three years so all the things that can happen in three
• 31:09
  years so many but also I love that Leona is a big inspiration and I love that he's used to say
• 31:18
  which I would repeat a lot while I was making the album he used to say forget your perfect offering
• 31:25
  there is a crack in everything that's how the light gets in so every single person we admire the
• 31:32
  fact that we know them the fact that we know them in public means that they were willing to sit with
• 31:39
  something in private that most people would not be willing to sit with let me just say that again
• 31:43
  the fact that we know who someone is in public is a testament to the fact that they were willing to
• 31:49
  do something in private that most people were not willing to do when you did get onto the daily
• 31:55
  show which was a real first for a show like that it didn't go so well at first oh yeah I was terrible
• 32:02
  I didn't realize this I was looking at the stats and I read that there was absolutely terrible it was
• 32:08
  man it was it was you know when they say be careful what you wish for because I was like oh I'd
• 32:13
  love a challenge and this will be an interesting and oh it was a challenge it was absolutely terrible
• 32:21
  so we know who Trevor Noah is we know who some of these people are but it's because of what they
• 32:28
  were willing to do when no one knew who they were we know what certain worlds were that we experienced
• 32:35
  through movies or books but it's because of what they were willing to sit with in private in the
• 32:40
  invisible realm the invisible work the studio the writing room wherever they were they bed wherever
• 32:46
  they were that they sat with that discomfort in private so what will your story be what will
• 32:51
  you be willing to sit with in private so that what you are here to share and create an experience
• 32:57
  can be lived in public what discomfort in your life is seeking to become a form of comfort
• 33:08
  if we just surrender to the discomfort and say yes to it because we came here to feel alive
• 33:16
  and discomfort is a very alive feeling nerves are very alive feeling it's part of the process
• 33:23
  it's not that you just at some point outgrow the capacity to feel afraid it's just how you respond
• 33:29
  to it another example is I was watching this interview where Billy Eilish was saying I used to be like
• 33:37
  making music don't want to make it don't like making it it's frustrating it's it's irritating
• 33:42
  I love having made it I love performing it I love you know when it's good but I really have
• 33:48
  always struggled with the process and this was when you were enjoying the process I was kind of
• 33:53
  finally enjoying the process and Phineas was like I would rather be doing anything else right now
• 33:58
  and it was very interesting because I saw myself in acts I was like I felt that way but now and you
• 34:04
  have always been the the thing that keeps the ship moving and now you feel that way and like what
• 34:10
  does that mean for us and it's the willingness for that being willing to sit with that
• 34:15
  excruciating feeling that then allows her to be seen in public now I'm going to be doing a sole
• 34:20
  session on the myth of ease because we can fall into kind of two social traps neither of which serves
• 34:26
  us so what we're not saying is it should be excruciating excruciate yourself more be more
• 34:31
  uncomfortable be always uncomfortable never feel joy never feel ease no we're not saying that
• 34:36
  that's a script of like the myth of hard work and the idea that it should always feel hard marriages
• 34:41
  hard relationships are hard life is hard that we are not in service of well I am not in service of
• 34:46
  but then there's another cultural myth that things should feel easy that if you're writing an essay
• 34:52
  and it starts to feel hard you're doing something wrong that we should always be in flow that it
• 34:56
  should feel amazing that there's this montage phase of creativity like then but then I began to wonder
• 35:02
  where it's just flowing and peaceful and there's nothing in your way and everything feels so
• 35:06
  easy and quick and instant and it just poured out of me and I just couldn't stop writing and then I
• 35:11
  had the first draft you know and that is also a certain kind of cultural myth that makes us then
• 35:17
  resist some of these really crucial portal moments that want us to deepen that want us to expand
• 35:23
  and instead we neglect and reject them and therefore never graduate into the next phase of
• 35:29
  embodying the dream so if you think about someone you know as an artist like Thames is an
• 35:33
  incredible singer who I love like she had to pass through so many portals of discomfort in order
• 35:39
  for us her to become someone we all know you know what I mean that's what I'm trying to get at it's
• 35:44
  that yes she found joy and delight and magic but she also found being asked to grow my mom she's
• 35:51
  very supportive my family it's not like they wanted me to be like a doctor but they just didn't
• 36:00
  expect me to be a musician like a singer like when I said oh yeah I'm cutting my job I'm going to
• 36:07
  sing now everybody was like she's on drugs she's smoking she's sniffing cookies like for real like
• 36:16
  on a serious thing so it was just like this girl is on serious she's just lazy she's just like
• 36:24
  she's now saying she sings really when have you ever sung in life the fear of judgment the fear
• 36:29
  of criticism the fear of being embarrassing the fear of social rejection and everyone in your
• 36:34
  life telling you you're making a mistake and being willing to sit with that discomfort as a portal
• 36:40
  to growth and we would never be able to experience or know who she was had she not stepped through
• 36:45
  that portal and the next portal and the next portal to the point that she's now an international
• 36:50
  star okay so I'm sending you so much love my darling and I invite you to go and take a juicy
• 36:57
  slightly uncomfortable aligned action towards your dreams and feel who you get to become on the
• 37:02
  other side of taking those actions consistently over time because it will blow I'm trying to
• 37:08
  use less violent language it will surprise and delight you how saying yes to these discomfort
• 37:15
  portals again and again can land you in a completely different place that you thought might have
• 37:20
  taken your decades to get to or yours to get to but because you kept saying yes to the discomfort
• 37:26
  it allows you speed is not the measure of delight or success or whatever but it allows you to just
• 37:33
  move with a certain kind of flow a greater flow like a co-creative flow with the universe because
• 37:39
  I think when we're facing discomfort and fear we're facing and saying yes to the God within each
• 37:44
  of us to the cosmic power to the cosmic infinity within each of us there's this moment of wow I have
• 37:55
  I am godly and that's terrifying and I think that these discomfort portals invite us into a
• 38:02
  deeper knowing and intimacy with that part of us I'm sending you so much love I hope that this
• 38:07
  is served you and supported you and I will see you on the next so sash on I love you bye I hope some
• 38:14
  paradigms have been shifted for you in today's conversation as always if you can please leave a
• 38:19
  five star rating on apple and Spotify like comment subscribe I love you so so much okay I love
• 38:26
  you join me on my sub stack links in the comment section go there okay love you so much love you
• 38:33
  bye