Latest / Dadical / 9. Older Dad, Instant Stepdad | Chris Stream

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9. Older Dad, Instant Stepdad | Chris Stream · Dadical

• Seth Stoker: I think it's really easy to picture fatherhood as a template. You finish high school, go to college, and start your career in your 20s. You meet somebody along the way and start a family. You spend your 30s running around raising young kids and your empty nesters somewhere around your early to mid-50s. Before you know it, you're flirting with the idea of becoming a grandparent. And for a lot of people, that is what it looks like. And yet there's certainly no magic formula for fatherhood. In fact, if these conversations on this podcast have taught us anything, it's that you never really know what curveballs life's going to throw at you. You know they're coming. The question is, how do you step up and handle it? I think you'll love today's conversation with Chris Stream. Chris is an accomplished college professor at UNLV. He spent his twenties and thirties searching for the right opportunity to start a family, and in his forties, he finally met the right person. But it wasn't exactly what he pictured. He fell in love with a widow who already had a six year old daughter, and not only did he have to welcome a partner into his life and get married, he became an instant father as well. Chris shared his experiences as an older father and discussed the pros and cons that go along with that experience. As a teacher by trade, he shared the key things that he focuses on teaching his children, and that he has always spoken to them as if they're adults. He doesn't shelter them from what life's gonna throw at them. He addresses these things head-on with his kids. We covered some ground we haven't really covered before in dadical conversations, including how he approaches parenting a child who battles Tourette's, being careful not to fall into the trap of leaving out the middle child, and managing the whole health of his kids. He hates the idea of just throwing medicine at health problems, and so instead he and his wife are deliberate in how they manage the family's diet, mental and emotional health through therapy, and additional strategies like sauna and even red light therapy. I appreciate Chris's intentional approach to fatherhood, and I think you will too. There's some nuggets in this conversation that every new dad can take away and implement with their families, and that's exactly what these conversations are for. before we get into the interview, can I ask a quick favor? Subscribing to the podcast and leaving reviews helps us to get in front of as many fathers as possible. If you've found value in the content that we're creating, please share it. Leave a review and subscribe to the channel. Reaching as many dads as we can helps us accomplish our mission of helping dads raise incredible children and show up every single day to be the man their families need. Here's Chris Stream. Chris, welcome to the Dadicle Podcast. Excited to have you today. Chris Stream: Hey, thanks Seth. I appreciate you inviting me on. Seth Stoker: Absolutely. Thanks for joining. I'm really excited to talk to you because you've got a cool story and and I think I think the audience will really benefit from hearing it. Chris Stream: Thank you. I I don't I don't think it's so cool when you're out in the world with it, 'cause it just makes me feel old, but I appreciate your your description. Seth Stoker: Well well tell us about it. Tell us about your family and who you are as a dad. Chris Stream: Yeah, so I am what I call a grandpa dad. I am a old man who got married later in life, and had kids much later in my life. I met my wife when I was in my forties, and so I have my oldest daughter, Campbell, who's twenty-two. I have a middle child, Lucille, who's fifteen, and then my youngest son, Calvin, is eleven. And so I started my kind of family career way past most people that my that I knew even growing up or even in my in my family and even my father. My parents were married in 19 and I was I was born soon after that. So I I don't know if that affected how I decided to get married or not or have a family. But when I go to places now, basketball games and sporting events and things, people will ask my kids what how your grandpa is. I saw your grandpa picked the other day it just happened to me in the car line. The the the teacher was like to my son, Seth Stoker: no. Chris Stream: your grandpa's here to pick you up. And of course he had to tell me. Yeah Seth Stoker: So you love that. Chris Stream: he told me about it too. Seth Stoker: Do your kids give you a hard time? Chris Stream: yes. Yes. great story. Seth Stoker: Nice. They should. Chris Stream: I'll give you my my daughter Lucille is a great story. She sent me a text the other day at lunch. She gets her phone at lunch at school. And she sent me a text and she says, Dad, how was it when the Beatles broke up? Seth Stoker: huh. Chris Stream: And she's like, now I know. She's then she qualified. Now I know you were young still. Like, you know, because the Beatles broke up or whatever in the early 70s or whatever. I was four or whatever I was. And she's like, I know you were young, but how how how was it? Like, how are the Beatles breaking up? And I sent back to her, I Well, Lucille, I I'm still not really over it. I said it really shook me up. And I don't know if I'll ever get over it. And Sgt. Pepper is the greatest Beatles album ever. Seth Stoker: You're making me feel old because I'm sitting here thinking about how many people are like, who are the Beatles? Like, what's a Beatles song? You know? Yeah. Chris Stream: Yeah. The fact that she knew it, right? And her she sent me a note later, Hey, thanks, my friends thought that was really funny. Like she was she was purposely Seth Stoker: Nice. Chris Stream: making fun of my age in front of her friends, so they were laughing that I was alive when the Beatles were together. Seth Stoker: Perfect. Perfect. Well, y your experience Chris Stream: Yeah. Seth Stoker: actually is pretty different from mine. I got married at twenty one. My wife was twenty at the time. And so we've experienced kind of the opposite opposite end of the spectrum. So what why did you wait till you were forty to get married? Chris Stream: Well, one fear of commitment, classic thing. I I I never really knew I you know, I didn't even though my parents were had a great marriage and they were married for fifty years and I saw marriage all around me, I didn't really know how to really be part of that, right? I'm I'm kind of a bad team member. I always tell people on the teams I was on, I was a bad teammate, right? Because I was kinda selfish and I'm a little bit self destructive in some ways. I like to when things go too good, I like to mess it up, right? And so that just took me a long time to just mature and grow out of, right? And so I I think I just never found somebody that I wanted to just like be a partner with, right? Because marriage is not just the physical attraction component. I was super good at physical attraction. that was very Seth Stoker: Course. Chris Stream: good. I used to be super handsome, so that was fantastic. but I wasn't really you know, because I I was always kind of myself and I'm I'm the oldest in my family. I was the first to go to college, I was the first to to to really do things. I was always kind of on my own, right? I always Seth Stoker: Mm. Chris Stream: my parents couldn't help me in college or they couldn't help me with with careers of academics or I worked for a legislature, I was an analyst, like those my parents were working people and blue collar. So I was always kind of on my own and I really got ingrained in that. Like I'm in this for me and I need to do these things for me. And and so when relationships I had would go a little bit sideways or there would be turmoil or conflict, I was always like, I'm out. And so Seth Stoker: Mm. Chris Stream: getting married didn't give me that out. Having kids, I always thought would then chain me to this person forever. Like if it doesn't Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: work, now I'm stuck. Right. And that really took me really until I met my wife, who really allowed me to be me in many ways, but also was a great partner for accomplishing the things that we wanted to accomplish both as professionals, because by then my forties I'm a highly functioning professional, my wife is as well. but then how do we then merge that kind of family component that she'd always wanted in her life as well? So that really came much later that my realization of it. Seth Stoker: Okay. So I I've got a little bit of a hypothesis, or at least I've I've had one swirling around in my head, because Chris Stream: Yeah. Let's hear it. Seth Stoker: I'm really grateful for the opportunity that I had to get married early, because in that scenario, you you kind of build you grow up together. You build your routines and and habits and and things like that. And so like I've now been with my wife longer than I I was alone growing up, you know? And and so Chris Stream: Right, right. Seth Stoker: I don't even know what life is like without my wife. And and and So I think as I as I think about my my hypothesis, I obviously I've been grateful for my experience and and I think that it's it's a great thing to get married young if you're able to figure out how to make it work, which is a huge caveat caveat. And Chris Stream: Yeah, yeah. Seth Stoker: some people aren't ready at at the age that I got married, and that's okay too. But I guess I guess my thought for you is you went ahead and built all those routines, all those habits and and Chris Stream: Yep. Yep. Seth Stoker: just your your your whole nature. You you built that. as you were single. And so, what's it like inviting somebody, finally inviting somebody into your life at 40 when you're so ingrained into your life? Chris Stream: You know, that's a great point because it's not like I was unstructured in my life. Does that make sense? Like Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Chris Stream: I was disciplined, you know, to to have the career, to get a PhD, to move into the spaces I moved in. I like to work out, I was, you know, very Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: structured in what I ate and things. So I I have a little O C D I have a little bit of that in me. So I built a life that was not just foot loose and fancy free. You know what I mean? Like yes, I was single, Seth Stoker: yeah. Chris Stream: but I didn't necessarily just like, woo, I'm I'm free, man, do it all I want. I had structured myself. And I always tell students in my family, I don't have a PhD because I'm smart. There were lots of smart people I went to school with. I have a PhD because I was able to manage time, create structure, Seth Stoker: Mm. Chris Stream: complete tasks, like I could move the ball down the field in a way that many smart people around me could not do. They could not complete things. So getting married was really kind of an extension of that, right? It was just a little bit of adding another schedule, a routine, right? I used a planner. I'd already built that kind of a life for myself. So the fact that my schedule now just includes wife schedule and kids' schedule, that wasn't that. weird to me in one sense, right? So some of it is just my own weirdness. I I had already built structure, but I'm not also I I don't believe in not change. Like I don't believe the status quo. I'm a I'm an innovator by nature. I like to take risks. I like to try new things. I like to learn from failure. All that kind of was Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Chris Stream: was in built into me as a kid and as an adult. So that that kind of life of of not having I have to have it my way. Like I don't have to have the toilet paper on the roll, this this the right like my brother Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: is like the toilet paper goes this way. You can't put it the Seth Stoker: Ha ha ha. Chris Stream: other way. I don't really care. Right? Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: Like I don't I don't care. I wasn't so anal. Does that make sense? Like I wasn't Seth Stoker: Yeah, totally. Chris Stream: I wasn't so persnickety about how I did things. I love to eat all food. I'm not like food picky. I grew up in a family that was food picky. When I escaped my family and could try all the food of the world, I was like, This is fantastic. I'm trying everything. So I never was like, I don't like the way you cook or I don't like that style of so I didn't really have those kind of boundaries in my life, as an older as an older person. Right. Right. Seth Stoker: Yeah. Well, what I'm hearing though, like that's really interesting because yes, you created discipline around your routines and things like that. And obviously we're able to to be very successful on your own. so it's very interesting to me that you also kept that door open that hey, I'm perfectly willing to change if I find the right person Chris Stream: Yeah. Seth Stoker: to to welcome into my life. So I gotta know you go forty years, you can't find the right person, and then you meet your wife. Why was she the right one? Chris Stream: Well, one, she looked great in boots. So when I first met her, she had these really long, tall boots on, and she looked fantastic in boots. So that was the I always say that was the first thing. The second thing, yeah, yeah. I very simple. How Seth Stoker: That's the main criteria. Chris Stream: great do you look? That's all I care about. The other part was she was very accomplished. And Seth Stoker: Hmm. Chris Stream: I often would date women who were not as accomplished as me, right? that were not necessarily the had had the same career were in different careers. Because mostly I tried to stay away from dating other col like I knew I didn't want to be involved with other college professors. I don't like Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Chris Stream: college professors enough that I was like, I can't wait to marry one. Like I I didn't I knew I didn't want that, right? Like I had Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: kind of learned that that was not a a thing I wanted. But I I didn't know what else there would be in terms of of a Accomplishment, right? Like I just didn't didn't think that through. And so when I met my wife and we were on a board together, we were actually on a planning board, is how we met, she was incredibly confident and incredibly accomplished. She did not need me, right, to succeed. And I I found that attractive as well, right? I was like, she she didn't need me to complete how her life was going. She was she was successful in her career as well. And then of course after she met me, she got more successful. So we could say that that could have been a catalyst. I don't know that she Yeah, thank you. That's what I say. Thank you. You're welcome. Seth Stoker: You're welcome. Nice. Chris Stream: but she didn't she didn't need me, right? Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: and I often felt in relationships I was in, I had to carry too much of the burden, right? But whether it was financial, whether it was time management, whether it was responsibility, I was like I I don't want to be the adult in the room every time every time. And Seth Stoker: Yeah, yeah. Chris Stream: I was in some relationships where I felt like I was the adult in the room every time. And that was not attractive to me, right? So here I did not have to do that when I met my wife. And so the fact that she could and function without me is not the it function, you know, is not the right terminology for it, but the fact that we could just simply kind of e exist and and and maintain a little bit of independence, right? Like you don't want Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: codependence in relationships. Like I I knew I didn't want that. so that was a little bit Seth Stoker: But she was perfectly capable, perfectly capable on her own. And so she very much complimented you and it sounds like matched you intellectually, Chris Stream: Yeah. Seth Stoker: and that sort of thing. Sounds like that was really attractive to you. Yeah. Chris Stream: And organizationally like she was super structured and organized and 'cause I wa and so we joke today, we still have weekly calendar meetings. Seth Stoker: Wow. Okay. Nice. Chris Stream: We sit down, we go through our calendars, go through n and I've actually learned to hate them. I I Seth Stoker: Ha ha ha. Chris Stream: generally drink during them. If I do it like a drinking game, like I'm like I am I am not just gonna sit here at this calendar meeting. I'm going to sip tequila while you do this. Because I Seth Stoker: Nice. Chris Stream: can't so now I become irresponsible. Seth Stoker: So a maybe the most organized couple I've ever talked about on the Dadicle podcast, it sounds like. Just a Yeah. Chris Stream: Well it's it's a function of our age. Does that make sense? Some of that is I think a function of our Seth Stoker: Yeah, that's true. I mean you guys you guys both reached a certain level of maturity before you had to to integrate into each other's lives and I I think that is important. And now you're just Chris Stream: Yeah. Yeah. 'Cause certainly folks my age who are retiring now, right? Like most of my friends are nearing retirement and retiring, Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Chris Stream: their kids are grown, they're empty nesters, they get to cut loose a little bit, right? They get to be Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Chris Stream: a little they they had their family work and now they get to have a little more fun, right? They're at that fun Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: stage, right? My brother always says this, who's an empty nester, he's four years younger than me. He and his wife are just doing nothing but fun stuff together, right? They're They don't their boys are grown, they're doing Seth Stoker: Yeah. Travel and yeah. Chris Stream: their things, they're traveling, they're doing they get to have that fun that they didn't necessarily have when they were building their family Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: and raising their sons, right? I kind of did it reverse, as we always say, right? I I had my fun and now I'm I gotta be a little more locked in. Seth Stoker: How do you feel about that though? I mean when you're watching your your peers all kind of get into the fun stage, how do you feel about that as you know, a still a father of young kids? Chris Stream: I I I'm resentful. I I honestly will resent people. and I I have made up a thing in my mind that they're they're actually blowing they're making bad decisions. Like I'm like, this Seth Stoker: Really? Chris Stream: is a really you're being irresponsible. You're how dare you go on another cruise? You're gonna get Seth Stoker: Hmm. Chris Stream: on one of those poop cruises and you're gonna get a a disease, you're gonna be tracked. That's me. Seth Stoker: So you're you're doing what they did when they saw you out playing when you were younger, right? that's funny. Chris Stream: Yes. Yes. Hundred percent. Seth Stoker: Okay, so your wife though, she had a daughter coming into the relationship. Chris Stream: Yes, yes. So my oldest daughter's twenty two and my middle child is fifteen. can my wife was a widow when we met, so her husband had died many years ago when Campbell, our oldest daughter, was not even one year old, barely one year old. Her her husband passed away. So when I met them, Campbell was probably six, between five and six or something, when we f when we first met and then dated for a while, and then by the time she was eight, we we were married. At that point. So yeah, Campbell is my adopted daughter. So then I adopted Campbell. Seth Stoker: So Chris, I imagine it's hard enough like like getting to 40 and and kind of like we talked about make you know, inviting somebody into your life, but now you have somebody who brings a kid into the relationship and all Chris Stream: Yeah. Seth Stoker: of a sudden not only are you figuring out how to be a dad, but you're figuring out how to be a dad of a a kid that you didn't start with, right? So so Chris Stream: Correct. Seth Stoker: what's that like? Chris Stream: Well, it was it was it was challenging, right? Because Campbell and her mom had always been together. So there's a bond there of you know a single mom and their and her daughter that is incredibly strong, and they are still very strong today. And it was very much of me kind of coming in, right? And of course, Campbell had met other boyfriends of her mom, right, who didn't stick around or weren't Great to her mom, or whatever, whatever it was. And so that was a very kind of challenging time. And I really questioned, like, do I want is this like it's an instant family? Like it's not as you say, Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: I'm sort of building a family. I'm suddenly becoming a role model, a figure that I hadn't really anticipated when I saw an attractive woman in boots. Like this became suddenly a very different calculation, right? And so that was an incredibly challenging incredibly challenging time that I wasn't always sure and I really questioned what I was doing here and so but I I quickly learned to adore Campbell right and in many ways I saw a lot of my independence in her as well. She had been that. And she very much wanted a father figure in her life. Now, my wife grew up in Vegas, so her family lives her, her father and her parents are here. So she always had a grandfather in her life, which now she has another one. We always joke, but Seth Stoker: huh. Chris Stream: she she had a strong figure. My grand my father-in-law had had they grow up in the army. My my wife and her sisters were army brats, and so that structured world and that. That piece that Campbell had grown up around. But this was a really different relationship. This was somebody you could confide in. This was somebody you could have different conversations with. And Camel and I fought a lot at the early in the early stages Seth Stoker: Yeah? Tell me about that. Chris Stream: about me, you know, giving advice. Like, you know, who are you to give advice? Or if I criticized her mom, she would be like, How dare you criticize my mother? My mother has done all this for me. How dare you criticize her? And so I had to one, think about how I approach conflict in relationships, Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Chris Stream: right? 'Cause if you're just man and woman, husband and wife, like you can you can fight with each other differently than you can when a kid is in the room, right? But I also had to let her know People fight. Conflict happens. Even in the best of marriages, in the best of worlds, right? And yes, you don't want conflict to turn escalate to something horrible and abuse and the terrible things that it can escalate to, but people are going to disagree. And I told her, Your mother, Seth Stoker: And that's okay. Chris Stream: yeah, it's okay. Ma your mother and I are gonna disagree. Like that that's gonna happen. so we Brooke and I tried really hard to always have arguments in front of her in in ways that were Not productive is the right word, but ways that showed that even after the argument, we still cared for one another. Like, you know, no one stormed out or slammed doors. We tried to be of ending the real we maybe we not always agree at the end of the discussion. We at least came back together, like, hey, we're still together in this. We'll we'll figure this out. so we had to be more conscious, I think, that way, in not only building our personal relationship, but also. what did that need to look like for a daughter, right? Like what that needed to look like. Seth Stoker: Now how hard is that figuring out how to manage your personal relationship while instantly having to also manage the relationship with a child? Chris Stream: Yeah. It was very it felt like two different lives sometimes, right? Like I'm I'm being two different people. I had two different roles. now some of that was good, right? Because it it allowed me it because Campbell could verbalize, right? She wasn't a baby, so she could verbalize her feelings. We were able to have more family discussions around this, right? We could talk about this. it's not just a angry one year old in a corner or whatever, right? So we could verbalize it that way. the other piece is, yeah. Seth Stoker: What tell is sorry, Chris, real quick. Tell me more about that. So let's talk about at what age do you feel like you started really including her in the discussions to help her understand you know, where you guys are coming from? Chris Stream: Almost immediately. My my wife hid nothing from her, right? My wife had been all because they were together and they needed each other to get through hard times. My wife never kept Campbell out of discussions, even when even before I was around. Like they they discussed things or Brooke explained things to her. and so Campbell was almost like a tiny adult, right? She even though she was five to eight, she was almost like 18, right? She was always very adult in how she she handled things, right? It didn't mean she didn't have her silliness and her all the things that happened, right? But she was always very adult because she had been involved in all of the decisions of their lives, right? She had she had been a part of all those decisions. Seth Stoker: So tell me this then, because she's she's this tiny adult that that really is having conversations that a lot of kids aren't really exposed to as they grow up. How do you see that manifesting now as she's twenty two? Well Chris Stream: So Seth Stoker: what do you see? Chris Stream: yeah, this is a great so this is a great point. And I never thought of this. So my daughter has a very serious boyfriend, Adrian, who I adore, who's who's great to her and it's fantastic, and they need to hurry up and get married because I'm not getting any younger. So I remind this to them all the time. I need to have some grandkids, like it's not it's it's run it Seth Stoker: Okay, okay. Chris Stream: out for me, babe. But he came from a very large Hispanic family, he's the youngest of like eight, right? And Campbell the other day was at home. And Brooke and I were discussing finances or whatever we were discussing, right? And again, we always had these conversations at dinner and in front of the kids and all this stuff. And Campbell said, you know, it didn't hit me until just now, she said, where these have always been our family discussions. When I go to Adrian's house, they don't talk like this. She's like, it's not Seth Stoker: Hm. Chris Stream: and it's not that they don't talk nice to each other or that they don't have affection or whatever, but they're not having these kind of analytical c conversations. Like she's like, I just grew up with all of these finances and money and strategy and house all the things that we talked about. I grew up all around that. And when I go to their house, they don't have any of those conversations, right? Because it's a very different, it's a more traditional, they're a very traditional Hispanic family, right? They have a very traditional, the mom and dad handle the stuff and the kids just wait for the decisions, right? And I'd never thought of that before. So it didn't hit me till then, like, like I didn't even think of that, right? 'Cause certainly my parents never discussed money, finances, anything with me, right? Like there was no dinner table discussion around should we buy a house or not? Should we invest in something? Should we whatever? Like we didn't have those, Seth Stoker: Right. Right? Chris Stream: didn't have those discussions. And so that's a little bit of the kind of the age component, right? I was at a Brooke and I both were at different ages in different parts of our career where those were more discussions than, you know, my parents weren't wealthy, right? We weren't poor, Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: but my parents weren't wealthy. But they didn't talk about that. And they didn't certainly want us to think like we couldn't have things or do things, right? They wanted us to have the experiences that we needed to have. At my age, I could do whatever, right? I'm at the peak of my income level. my kids can have whatever they really wanted, but we still talk through like, is this a need or a want? Right? Like things Seth Stoker: Yeah, yeah. Chris Stream: like that. Seth Stoker: Yeah, because you still have to teach them the principles, e even if you can give whatever they want. You you can't, Chris Stream: Absolutely. Seth Stoker: right? And so I I guess, man, I I think through this and I I think about so I think about my kids. And I I I love what you've done for your daughter in the sense that you're that you've had those conversations with her, you've included her, and now she feels probably much more confident navigating some of these experiences as she's older. But I think about my kids and You know, my wife and I purchased a a business that my wife runs, and we purchased that in twenty twenty, I believe. And I r I remember several times. First of all, like my son is our delivery guy. We deliver baby equipment to Park City to people who Chris Stream: Yeah, yeah. Seth Stoker: who come to stay in Park City. And my oldest son goes and drops off the cribs and sets them up and everything like that. And and that's huge. But I remember one night I was in in my office right here actually. And I was working on the accounting. I was I was getting caught up on some of the accounting that we had to do. And he's like, Hey, what are you doing? And I I I said, Hey, we'll we'll come check this out. And I showed him, well, Chris Stream: Yeah. Seth Stoker: here's here's the stuff that we're tracking, and and here's, you know, here's what we're making. We lost money here, you know, whatever the case may be. And I think it it's helping me realize through that experience and also hearing hearing your experience that the more you actually involve your kids in these things that that a lot of kids don't get exposure to. the less foreign it's gonna be to them when they have to all of a sudden figure out how to navigate these things on their own. Chris Stream: No, and I'm I'm gonna give you a great ending to this story. you know, my daughter went to school here in Vegas at UNLV, right? And so Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Chris Stream: that was great too, because she didn't have to take on debt and all those the things that many students do nowadays, right? Seth Stoker: Great. Chris Stream: And I literally give my daughter zero dollars. Now, do I take her to dinner? Do I take her to lunch occasionally? Do I of course I do. I love my daughter. I wanna I wanna I wanna do things with her. But she never asked me. For rent money, util like never. And yet all I hear are my friends who kids can't afford rent and are are in debt and all the things that they are. And I always joke to my friends, like, well, you have an employee. Your daughter is your employee. Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: How's your employee doing? I'll How's your how's your employee doing this week? Because Seth Stoker: Great. Chris Stream: they're sending money, they're paying for. I don't have to do any of that. So that is, as you say, A little of a byproduct that I did not think through very well. Does that make sense? It was just sort of how we were doing things. And the funny part of the story at the end is this morning, my son wanted to discuss stocks and shares. He wanted to make sure he understood the difference as he's thinking about investing. And he's 11. Seth Stoker: Yeah. That's awesome. Chris Stream: He's like thinking about his investment. And that's when it hits you like, we talk about this stuff a lot. Like I didn't quite realize how this kind of Goes through the kids, right? Because Campbell talks with his her brother and sister about this a lot, right? She's talking about her, the job she does and and how she pays for things, and they ask her questions. So it really has, in that sense, been a happy accident that we built this Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: financial prudence. Now, they Seth Stoker: Hey. Chris Stream: can be a little bit draconian about it, right? Like I'm always like, you can have a little fun. Like, can we? Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Chris Stream: Can we loosen it up a little bit around here? And so what I end up having to be is more of the fun person, I'm like, I'm I'm just gonna pay for that. Like we're not gonna not do that as a as a man. I'll Seth Stoker: Yeah. Yeah. But Chris Stream: just pay for that. Seth Stoker: but Chris, what a gift that you've given them though, to have that independence and not be scared to navigate that stuff on on your own. Because I do think there's it's easy for kids to grow up and kind of be protected from these conversations. And before you Chris Stream: Yeah. Seth Stoker: know it, they feel like mom and dad need to continue to take care of them because they haven't been exposed to these things. So if I'm taking this and thinking, okay, for a new dad out there who's listening to this conversation. I would say involve your kids in some of the things that you wouldn't even imagine including them in as much as possible. Like you go to get an oil change. Have them be the ones to, or have them at least up there listening to you on what you need, or explain to them that you need an oil change every three to five thousand miles. Or or all these little things that that you can expose them to so that when they're out on their own, it's not like, hey, Chat GPT, how do I handle this? You know? Chris Stream: I my daughter had a flat tire. She didn't have to call me. Seth Stoker: It's great. That's a win. Chris Stream: So I told her, I said, and and and I was like, You're now my favorite child. I was like, this is the most fantastic news I've ever. Seth Stoker: That's awesome. Now, okay. So you had to go, we'll back up a little bit because you had to Chris Stream: Yeah. Seth Stoker: go through the adoption process. Chris Stream: Yes, correct. Yes. so that is that's an interesting story in the sense that Campbell's father, her biological father, because obviously, you know, one thing I learned through all this is fatherhood isn't just biol biology, right? Like one of the things Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: I learned in this is that that it's more than that, right? Like it isn't just that that we're biologically connected, because obviously we're not, right? But we are we are connected, right? She she's doesn't define my child. I buy I always say biology doesn't define my child, right? That's that's Seth Stoker: Right. Chris Stream: that's not how it is. But certainly what happened when was because he died so young and they were young, he had put her the child Campbell on all of his stuff. Like so his retirement, his income, his all of his things, instead of putting Brooke on it, he put the kid on it, right? Seth Stoker: Mm. Chris Stream: And you think, well that makes sense because when the my child is 40 and I'm dead, they're gonna get all my stuff, right? When you die at that young age and your child is less than one, the court then the basically the state, the government, becomes the owner of the child's assets. And Seth Stoker: Okay. Chris Stream: so we spent quite a bit of time having to convince judges that one, I wasn't trying to get Campbell's assets, like I'm not marrying the mom so that I can take take financial Seth Stoker: Yeah. Yeah. Chris Stream: independence away from the child. And then when we needed to make some financial decisions, and we felt like, hey, we should be using Campbell's money. Like Campbell needs to understand how to use her money, because she is going to inherit money that has been held for her in the retirement component. She needs to know how to use that and access that. And getting the courts to allow us to help make those decisions was incredibly challenging, right? Because Judges are trained primarily to keep the parents away from kids' assets because they've had so many experiences of parents abusing children's assets Seth Stoker: Yep. Chris Stream: or family members getting assets that the court system is set up to prevent that from happening. So we were in a very unique position in that as a child with asset future assets, and a mother trying to get those things and use them for her child's benefit, not just buying cars for herself or rings or whatever. Just that that adoption became very challenging. And we had to really navigate a very complex world Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: of I'm not there just to take everybody's money, right? Kind of a thing. Seth Stoker: Yeah. Well let's let's turn this into real practical advice then for new dads. Yeah you I I interviewed a guy a few episodes ago named Burke, who lost his dad when he was twenty. And Chris Stream: Yeah. Seth Stoker: extremely difficult situation, but one of the things that you think about is as these things do happen is it's best for us to prepare the best we can. And let's say I want to make sure that my kids don't have to go through this. big legal battle or that my wife doesn't have to go through this legal battle to to get a hold of my assets or whatever. What is the best way that you've learned from this experience to set them up properly? Chris Stream: Well, and that's where the planning part of it comes. And that's where you talk to planning attorneys and that that can be trusts, right? That can be Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: there there's various ways now to do it than this the old way of like I wrote a will and I left everything to my dog. Like, you know, that kind of old timey way is really where you get stuck, right? And so you really have to be really legally and financially proactive so that you aren't hampering what you think is a good thing. I wanna make sure my kids Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: get are taken care of and have stuff, but then you legally hamper them through a s complicated system that doesn't allow them to adequately utilize those those pieces. So we've had to you know, as we have our other two children be more thoughtful in how we Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Chris Stream: and you know, the easiest thing always is just name your spouse the the Seth Stoker: Right, Chris Stream: best Seth Stoker: right. Chris Stream: Beneficiary, right? Like the easiest thing in the world is just name your spouse, the beneficiary, Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: and and and even if something happens to both of us, then then you can put a you can build a trust piece out of it. Like there's there's easier ways to do it than just simply naming, splitting it up among the kids, things, things like Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: that. And that taught me a lot. Just you know, because so my parents, we we built a trust for them. My parents owned some. farmland in the Midwest that they'd inherited over the years, right? And I don't want to be a farmer. right. Nobody in my family wants to be a farmer. So, but it's valuable assets in the family, right? So putting that into a more of a trust situation, it allows us to care. My mother is now deceased, but it k allows us to use the money to care for my father, right? Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Chris Stream: Which is what we want it for. but if there is then things left over, it allows the us to have a much more manageable way of the siblings. Because I've seen, and you probably have too, there will be fights over these things, right? There Seth Stoker: Yes. Chris Stream: will be unfortunate family squabbles that occur. And I've seen my own family members extended use wills and things to punish and to make a point, right? Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: it happens all the time. Seth Stoker: It does happen. Chris Stream: So there I understand why the court system is as complicated as it is, right? It's trying to prevent some of that. So you do have to be pretty proactive and thoughtful. Seth Stoker: Yeah, and a a and something to think about as a young dad who's who's healthy, even if you feel like you're perfectly healthy, it's not Chris Stream: Correct. Seth Stoker: that expensive to to make a plan and and have something in place. And it's gonna be much more expensive to fight that battle through the courts than it is to just get it squared away now. Yeah. Chris Stream: And and that's for sure what happened, right? Like I said, he her biological father puts her down as the beneficiary. He's young, she's born. Of course, my daughter's gonna get these things. And then that that ended up creating complications later later down the road. particularly when you're trying to use the dollars to benefit the child, right? When you're when Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Chris Stream: you as the parents are trying to make the best decision, you're now fighting with a judge. Over over what you feel is the best decision for your kids. That's a pretty Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: uncomfortable space to be, because no offense to judges and lawyers. I'm sure they love their families. They don't love my family. And they don't really care about Seth Stoker: Yeah. Yeah. Chris Stream: my decisions, right? They are not there to care what I think or how I best feel. My daughter should use her resources. They're there basically to kind of protect against Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: craziness, right? Seth Stoker: So let's talk about your relationship with your daughter now then. I mean, you went through the adoption process, raised her from six years old, it sounds like. And so what's your relationship like now? Chris Stream: it's fantastic. you know, I learned through this that you know, even before we adopted her, she was emotionally my daughter, right? And she Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Chris Stream: she we we have always been close and grew close in her younger age. Obviously, the court formalized that fatherhood, but it does didn't create the relationship, right? And so we really built a relationship together. Built through everyday life, right? Me taking her to school and because I had flexibility. My wife had a much more traditional job. And so I got to be the taking to school and picking them up, picking her up and and doing the things. I got to be more intentional about about about that. And certainly the adoption wasn't the moment I became her dad, right? that that had already existed, but certainly. It was an emotional day for our family because it was a a a signal in many ways that I'm not leaving. Right? It was it you know, before it wasn't just somebody dating her her her mom, it was now I'm I'm connected, right? I'm I'm Seth Stoker: He's gonna be here. Yeah. Chris Stream: I'm and you're standing in a courtroom when this happens, right? And they're and they're doing it. And we were very lucky in that one of our very good friends is a family court judge as well, and she got to perform Ceremony. So it became in a very emotional time in our family. the other part was Seth Stoker: That's awesome. Chris Stream: about that was Campbell was the witness at our marriage. So Brooke and I got married at the courthouse, right? In a very unflattering thing. But because she could write her name, she was able to be the witness. So she was also the Seth Stoker: To Chris Stream: witness at our at our wedding as well. And so that created a very different kind of relationship very early early in her life and has only kind of manifested itself that way. and I always joke in many ways she's more like me than even my biological children, right? She is well and that frustrates me, don't get me wrong, but she she is very into fiercely independent. And Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Chris Stream: the fact that she's finally found somebody this early in her life brings me great joy because it took me so long to find find somebody it makes me feel that maybe things are are are looking up on that end for me. Seth Stoker: that's really cool. What about your other two kids? Chris Stream: so my daughter Lucille is grouchy teenager. I'm sure you've dealt with these children before. Seth Stoker: I got some of those. Chris Stream: and and Lucille is interesting because she was born out of trauma. She was premature. And my wife's water broke while we were at the Palms Casino at the food at the food court. Seth Stoker: Whoa. Chris Stream: And so it was April Fools, it was Seth Stoker: You're like Chris Stream: April first. Seth Stoker: hang hang on, honey, let me finish this hand Chris Stream: Well, I had just ordered Nathan's hot dogs. So I had to walk up and be like, I'm gonna need those to go. So Seth Stoker: Nice. Chris Stream: I'm literally sitting in this emergency room eating a chili dog. And they're like, Dad, we Seth Stoker: Wow. Chris Stream: gotta go down. Like, we're going now? Like, well, I need to get my fish I fish with my chili dog. So that was then now I was part of the birth process, right? And so the adoption process had been one thing, and now I was thrown into this in incredibly uncertain and scary. And I know when I held Lucille for the first time. She was barely but the size of my hand, right? She was so tiny. And so Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: now you're creating you know, what is gonna happen here? Like what what is happening? And so that really punched me in the face as well. Like, my. Like I thought this was gonna be easy. I thought Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: you know you have a kid. and now you're spending months in a NICU going to visit your child and leaving them, which is a as you know can imagine as a parent is an incredibly challenging thing to do. So Lucille was born out of tragedy, out of tragic excitement. we always tease her she was born at the Palms at Nathan's at the Palms Food Court, which isn't there Seth Stoker: Ha ha ha. Chris Stream: anymore. There's no more Nathan's at the Palms food court. So we always we used to go there for her birthday. We would go to the Palms Food Court for her birthday. Seth Stoker: Yeah. Yeah, I was gonna say if she was a boy, would you have named her Nathan? Chris Stream: I should have, yeah. so but that then she and again she's a fighter and so she grew up from that and she's become like all my kids now, very fiercely independent. And I think that that process, my mother in law always says, that process toughened her earlier. She got tougher Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: early because she had to to fight through that. And then we have the precious baby boy we call him. We have a young son who is my wife's favorite because he's the precious baby boy. And Calvin and he's eleven. And he is most like my wife. My daughters are more like me. He is most like my wife. he looks most most like my my wife of my kids. and he is his mother's precious baby boy, and he can he can do no wrong, even though they're yelling at each other all the time when I come home. I'm always like, What is going on here? And so yeah, he rounds out our our family and makes me feel the oldest when I have to go places now, 'cause now I'm well sixty years old and my son is eleven and like I said, grandpa's picking you up today, so I I need to get a hipper haircut or something, Seth. I don't know. Seth Stoker: Well you get you guys play golf together, right? Chris Stream: Yes. So my son has Tourette's and attention deficit disorder, right? And my we needed we wanted to do we're not really big believers in the medic medication space of it, right? So we're we are always looking for alternatives to just giving children medication, right? And so one of the things we'd read about was activity and and really strategic activity. And so we didn't want him just to play soccer or some of these other team sports because he could wander, his mind could wander, he could kind of phase off. So we got him into golf, which I play as well, because you have to play every shot, right? As you know, golf is a game of you don't really get to just wait. You're constantly strategizing, thinking, whatever. And so, like, he doesn't tick on the golf course. He doesn't have any of the issues because he's his mind is actively Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: pursuing the game. The crazy part of it is he got He's really good at it. So I we didn't get him into golf to be competitive. We got him into golf really for his just own personal and lifelong thing. It just gave him a a way to build a process. It turns out he's very good at it. And so Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: it's put me into a little more of a financial hole than I care to be in at sometimes. thank God, yes, because as Seth Stoker: Maybe that's why you waited till you were forty, right? Chris Stream: I tell people, the only difference between junior golf. And adult golf is junior golf clubs are shorter, but they're exactly the same clubs. If it costs a driver, it costs $4.99, a junior pays $4.99. There's no there's Seth Stoker: Really. Chris Stream: no junior discounts in in golf. and most places, particularly in Nevada, which isn't really a kid golf friendly place, there's no discounts for kids Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: to play golf. Seth Stoker: Yep. Chris Stream: So if I'm paying 90 bucks, he's paying 90 bucks, right? That's how it goes. so that's been fun. So he gets so we do a lot of traveling around his junior golf schedule, and he loves it. And it's a great thing for he and his mom to do together as well because she doesn't play golf, and so he can play his game and not have to listen to me tell him, like, I think you should hit it over. Seth Stoker: Nice. So so how well then I w I I'm fascinated by you know, families who have gone through adoption and things like that. And I'd love to understand what's their relationship like with Campbell? Chris Stream: Yeah. So Calvin doesn't know so much about the origin story, right? 'Cause he's she's twenty two and he's eleven, so they have an age difference. Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: Campbell and Lucille used to fight quite a bit. So when Campbell, when Lucille was born, Campbell had been the only child and so had get gotten all the only child stuff. And in my wife's family, Calvin was the only grand or Campbell was the only granddaughter, 'cause my my wife's sisters don't have kids. So Campbell had really been showered with All of the attention, both from her the aunts as well as the grandparents. And so when Lucille came along, Campbell was pretty upset about it because she was felt like she was going to be the old dog. Everybody likes the new puppy, nobody likes the old dog, right? And so they would fight. I would have to break them apart at grocery stores, like yeah, Seth Stoker: Wow. Chris Stream: like a two-year-old and a ten-year-old, and they're just screaming at each other. And as I said, my middle child is armoring. And she would purposely make Campbell angry. Like she would she knew how to push her buttons to anger her. And they would fight quite often. They are, of course, now at 15 and 22, probably the best of friends, right? It it and and I think in some ways that happened quicker than it might in other families, right? Like sometimes when your your sibling rivalies last quite a a while, right? And it isn't until you're further along in adulthood that you're that you're friends, so to speak, right? Seth Stoker: Why do you think that is? Chris Stream: The rivalry part of it or just the Seth Stoker: No, why why do you think they became friends faster than what you would expect from other kids? Chris Stream: Well, the I think the age difference was one thing, right? I think Mith Campbell matured and I think for Lucille, she had another mature person in her life. Like they weren't close in age, so that they were at the same immaturity level together. Does that make sense? Seth Stoker: Yeah, so it's not like we're peers, so I can do you know, I don't have to listen to you at all. Yeah. I gotcha. Chris Stream: Yes. Yes. Right. Right. 'Cause you can see where, you know, that the close you are in age, the more you're like, well you're not really my older brother. You're like eighteen months older than me. That doesn't really count. I you can see where that would happen. Seth Stoker: Right. Right, exactly. Chris Stream: This was years, right? So there was this Campbell's had a lot more experience than I have in some things, right? And so they became pretty close through that way and they had very similar i it it influenced them as you might imagine, right? Like I didn't have older brothers and sisters. So it was the older I learned my music taste from the kids in the neighborhood, right? Campbell had an older sister. And so much of her fashion and her music and the pop culture and the TV shows, her older sister was like, yeah, that that's where I'm getting my my advice and I trust her advice. If she thinks this is a cool thing, I trust her because we're not competing at this level. So That ended up also being what turned out to be like kind of a new puppy versus old dog fight. Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: really grew into a really tight relationship. And in fact my oldest daughter, Campbell, wishes even as Lucille's busy now in high school. So Lucille started high school this year and now she's busy with her own social life. My oldest Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: daughter feels a little left out. She's like, Lucille, you never return my text messages or you don't call me back. She's like, I'm busy. Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: I got I'm sorry, I stuff going on. So there's a little bit of the that happening right now, is that they're they're now again back on different planes, right? They're back on Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: different different schedules. but and Calvin is just adored. Calvin is the youngest Seth Stoker: How how hard was it for? Yeah. Chris Stream: boy, is just adored by both. They're they Seth Stoker: Everybody loves him. Chris Stream: everybody loves him. Yes. He can he can do no wrong in my house. Seth Stoker: So how difficult was it for Campbell to not be the only child when Lucille came along? Chris Stream: It was very hard. because again she had had all the attention. and now and particularly given that Lucille was a NICU, like now we paid even more attention, right? And we have to really watch that now. Back to your point about Kelvin and golf. We're we spend a lot of time on his golf, right? And we spend a lot of time with his diet and you know, we we've all we've gone we've gone gluten-free and other ways to to help him with his with his tour and so forth. And so it it's we have to be very careful because it sometimes feels like we're neglecting the middle child. So I always call Lucille my neglected middle child. I'll be like, How was the day for the neglected middle child today? 'Cause she we I don't want her to feel that way and she she does get a little bit of that 'cause she's she can't quite drive yet, so she needs us, but she's living in this other life with her and we're kind of paying a lot of attention to the youngest the youngest. So I'm always fearful of that, but so far I have to admit Lucille has been good. She will occasionally say, You always do things for Calvin, you never do anything for me like and then I have to reminder it's not quite it isn't quite like that. Seth Stoker: Yeah. But how do you bring balance to that relationship then? Chris Stream: Well, it's hard because she hasn't totally embraced some of the healthy lifestyle choices we've made, right? Like she loves cheese. We don't eat dairy at my house. Yeah. Seth Stoker: Same. Chris Stream: She went to the cheese so she joined the cheese club. Her school had a cheese club. Seth Stoker: Pretty sure she was in the chess club and you just misread it. Chris Stream: No, she had no picture. I was like, Are you sure? She's like, Yeah, she was they were testing cheeses. Seth Stoker: Wow. Chris Stream: So she found her club. so that that is hard to do, and it's something we are very conscious about and talk with her about, and we go see have her talk with a therapist and a counselor as as well, just so that we can keep her mentally healthy about this as well. We're very proactive in how we. We do it and we want her to be able to express things that may be angry about her brother, but not in a way in front of him. Like if so the therapy has been good in that if she does have frustrations, she gets to kind of work that out and not in the not in the not in front of him, right? Because when she's in front of him, then she's great and she's worked it out. And we've talked she's talked through it with her therapist or or me or whatever it's been. So it it is a very Purposeful thing that we're doing, not just reminding her, hey, you get stuff too. Like, you know, because that that doesn't always make her feel great, right? but also rewarding, rewarding her as much as we can as well. And certainly we have a system at our house where you can do get paid for doing chores, which I'm always love. I don't know how I feel about that, but whatever. We have an incentive plan built into my kids, folding the Seth Stoker: Okay, okay. Chris Stream: laundry, cleaning their rooms, right? Whatever. she's the best at it. Like she's Seth Stoker: Hm. Chris Stream: fantastic. Like she's she teased me the other day. She's like, I'm gonna I'm gonna do extra stuff. Mom is gonna pay me so much. I'm gonna totally max this out this week, Dad. Seth Stoker: Nice. Chris Stream: I'm gonna knock these things out. So that's been good. I think that's created then an she now has ownership this of this responsibility and she's being rewarded for that. And so we've kind of built this system where Seth Stoker: And it motivates her. Chris Stream: where she gets gets to see it too. So it's not just we're lavishing things with with Calvin, right? Now, in fairness, I'll tell you, my kids all have chosen different paths of sports enjoyment in their lives. My oldest daughter was a Questrian. She rode, she rides, right? So I had to buy a horse. Right? Like Seth Stoker: man. Chris Stream: I'm yeah, I'm glad I don't own a horse anymore, right? But because now she's old enough to buy her own. Like you want a horse, you buy your own horse. Yeah, not buying your horse. Lucille does archery. Which is itself an expensive sport, right? It's not cheap to do archery, right? And then Calvin does golf. So they've all I always have to remind them, you've all had the most expensive sports you can imagine. So Seth Stoker: Yeah. No couldn't somebody have just done soccer or tennis or something? Yep. Even the cheese club. Chris Stream: Right. I sometimes wish that like why didn't I chess club, Seth, why didn't I just think chess club? Like the cheese club is fantastic. I love the cheese Seth Stoker: So I gotta ask you, we haven't really talked about this with any guests so far, but you mentioned putting Lucille in therapy. Have you had all your Chris Stream: Yeah. Seth Stoker: kids in therapy? Chris Stream: I have, yes, yes, yes. Seth Stoker: So tell me about that because that's something that I don't have experience with. What are your thoughts on therapy for kids? Chris Stream: Yeah, so one, you want to be very purposeful on who who you're choosing. Does that make sense? And so I I wanted to make sure it was someone who aligned with with our values, but also aligned with the lifestyle we want to lead as well, right? And so we're we're often looking for therapists who come from a more holistic or mind-body connection space. Does that make sense? 'Cause because correct. Yep. Seth Stoker: You don't want somebody to just come shove medicine at Yeah. Chris Stream: And so It's not so much psychiatry per se, right, or psychology, but it's much more mind and body connection. And so that also means as part of the therapy, we are doing acupuncture and we're doing Reiki and we're doing red light therapy, sauna, like so so we kind of build it into as a practice into our family as building healthy lives, like Seth Stoker: Sure. Chris Stream: that mind-body connection, right, is really important. for us because we think how you eat affects how you live and affects how you feel and how so what you put into your body is important for what you're getting out and how you take care of your body is important for your mental stage and well-being. And so we've used the the therapy or the counseling component as more of a kind of an add-on to that. So it isn't that Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: it's the only thing that is helping you be mentally resilient and be have mental well-being. We we just we we are constantly talking about that those components and the things you can do on your own. You don't need an extra person. If you can do it yourself, that's fantastic. But if you do need someone, let's let's talk about that and what that looks like. Because even things like acupuncture or Reiki or massage, right? If you go to the right places, they're very therapeutic and how they talk to you as well, right? and it's not the same as like divulging whether I like my parents or my I don't. And so that's that's another kind of therapy, right? But just getting at peace with yourself and being confident in your skin and in your in yourself. That's something that we Brooke and I really press upon, particularly for young girls, right? Which is it, you know, it kind of goes both ways, Seth and you probably have talked about this. Young women have very challenging times in our in our in our world, but not as bad as they used to. Right. Like I always remind people, Seth Stoker: Sure. Chris Stream: my girls have a pretty good life compared to my mom or whoever else. Right? Like, so let's let's be real. Young men have often been forgotten in our world, right? We we have a really major issue, which is why I as you talk told me about your podcast, this is a big problem in America. We have forgotten young men and we have we have told them they're bad and we've left them out of things and we have every year at college graduation they announce the percentage of men and women which I wish they'd not would not do but they do it at every graduation here at UNLV and they're like it's 70% women and 30% men and people cheer for that. And I'm like, why are we cheering the disparity? Well Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: well it's not good for our society that only women are going to college and men are not. Like that doesn't Seth Stoker: Right. Chris Stream: feel like the right mix like what are we doing? Seth Stoker: Right. Chris Stream: so like I said we really work hard to let the girls know yes you don't need men to s to to make your lives complete. You don't you can you can succeed without them. Your mother is an example of how that worked. But then also our relationship, Brooke and I, show how that can work also together that way. And and so we do probably focus a little more on Calvin Because I believe boys young boys just get forgotten a lot, right? So where we choose to go to school, what activities we put him in, those are very purposeful. because really, and I know people don't probably like this, women have a lot of advantages in society today, much more so than many young boys do. and so I don't worry so much about my girls. Yes, there's still sexism, and yes, there's still these things that exist. but they have much more opportunities for success than oftentimes young boys do in today's society. So I'm always conscious of of of not overplaying that, but also using the tools around me, whether that's therapy or healthy living or whatever it is, that that matters too and how that builds the the life you're gonna lead, right? so yeah, we I'm I'm a little weird now. Seth Stoker: Well no, I I don't think that's weird at all. In fact, I think it's I I think it's really important. Yeah, I I I agree with you a hundred percent on the importance of dads, especially building men. Not Chris Stream: Yeah. Yep. Seth Stoker: not I mean, yes, you like you have to build your daughters up as well, and your daughters sh sh should have a great example in their mother as well, and there's there's there's Chris Stream: Yep. Yep. Seth Stoker: different y of course you have an important role in their lives, but It is going to it is paramount for our society that we have strong, value-driven men who can grow up to be great fathers. And that's exactly why I wanted to have this podcast in the first place. So I I don't think Chris Stream: Yeah, it's great. Seth Stoker: it's I don't think it's odd at all. In fact, I think there's a very important thing that we should take from this, Chris, in in this portion of the conversation is it you are, it sounds like the most intentional that I've t spoken to so far. Now, I may have just we may have just not gotten to that topic with somebody else, but in looking at their health as a whole, you know, you've got the whole pu the whole pie chart there, and you're looking at mental well-being, you're looking at their diet, you're looking at their you know, that their their physical exercise and things like that. And and and all of all of these components make for a happier, more well adjusted kid. Or or I shouldn't say kid, I should say adult. It grows them into a successful adult. Chris Stream: Yeah. Well, yeah. Right, 'cause it would frustrate me that every reward at a school was sugar. Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: I'm like, do we have to have a cupcake at every event? Like, what Seth Stoker: You're right. Chris Stream: are we doing with this much artificial flavoring and sugar in people's lives? But i I learned it, you know, back to to my childhood. My parents did not take care of themselves. Right. And and my father was a very athletic person. My father was all-state football player in high school, was very athletic, was an exceptional golfer, played baseball, like all the things. He was incredibly athletic, right? but he and my mother did not take care of themselves. And so I saw their deteriorate. I'm seeing my father now deteriorate at 80, right? He's 80 this year, and I see as an older dad, I can't be that. Like I I I can't afford to be what my father is at 80 because my son is still gonna need me. My daughters are still gonna rely on me, not solely, but I have to have so so Brooke and I have been very intentional knowing age is is is a component of how do I set the example for my kids. But also, how do I keep myself in this in the space where I'm still actively engaged in my 70s and 80s with my kids, right? Because that's the reality Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: of my world, right? And so that didn't hit me right away. Like that had evolved Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: myself into that space. And certainly Calvin's Tourette's and all all people wanted to do was give him medication. And I was like, this there has to be something else because I hit. I hated the way he was on medication. He was not Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: himself. And I said, This is I I do not want to go down this path where just give me a pill to solve this problem. And so that's why I say, even with things like therapy, these are all part of tools of the toolbox. There's no magic one thing that's gonna create this healthy life for you, this this balance in your life. These are things it's a pro you have to work on this all the time. And Seth Stoker: Exactly. Chris Stream: We really try to ins instill that. And my oldest daughter has has embraced it as well. She sees it now in her life and she sees it in her boyfriend's family, who is who is not being as healthy. And certainly Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: he's embraced it. He's in better health as as a young man in his twenties than he he was even ten years ago. He jokes about. He's like, Campbell's made me way healthier. I don't go to the doctor as much. I'm I can work longer. I have more energy. Like all the things that that we know. helps us, I have to kind of try to mimic that as well, right? And so yeah, my age, Seth Stoker: Well another Chris Stream: my grandpa ness my dad my old age kind of force me into that that space as well. Seth Stoker: But another great gift that you've given your kids as a result. I think that's amazing. Chris Stream: Yeah, I like I said I I have seen it and it hurts my it hurts me, right, to see my father deteriorate so rapidly as he has because he was such an active person, right? And I I I wish I could shake you know, I always want to shake him, like I gotta I Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: gotta remind him of who he was, right? and I fear I I may not have caught him soon enough. Seth Stoker: Well, tell me about his influence in your life. L let's talk about his influence in your life growing up. Chris Stream: Yeah, so my dad is a pretty traditional dad. man of very few words. he was probably the most patient person I ever met in my life. I I wish I had acquired some of his patience at times. Seth Stoker: Huh, how so? Chris Stream: I made a lot of mistakes. And and and he would always have this saying. And I don't know if it's Will Rogers. I've sometimes heard it attributed to Will Rogers. I didn't learn this till later. So he would always say to me, Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions. And I would always be like, Dad. God. But then somebody one time said, Well, that's a Mark Twain quote, or that's a Will Roger, like. I was like, my father is quoting. Now, I'm assuming it's Will Rogers, because there's no way my dad read Mark Twain. Like, I'm like, there's no way Mark Twain said Seth Stoker: huh. Chris Stream: that. He might have heard Will Rogers say that. That might make some sense in my life on the radio or something. But there's no way my father was reading Mark Twain. So that's that the way that guys. And at the time, I didn't appreciate it, right? And so as I grew older, and he would. He would instill this learn by doing kind of belief, right? Like you you you did things and if you screwed him up, you re did you learn from it and did it again, right? And so we would work on cars together, and he he would always make me do the things, right? Back to your oils, you're like, I had to fix the things, and sometimes I didn't do it right. And he's like, Okay, well, we're gonna do it again. You know, he didn't raise his voice or yell at me about it. It was like that's that's that's not gonna work. So we gotta we gotta redo this. and so this this practice and failure, practice and failure, that was a normal normal part of my childhood, right? That was a part of when I would have to go help my grandfathers on the farm. That was a part of me and dad working on cars, this was whatever it was. There was always a practice failure, practice failure element to my life that of course as a kid I didn't fully recognize until I became older. And I was like, that was actually pretty smart. Like now I get like I that makes sense to me now, right? So he I I attribute that to patience, right? At the time of my youth, I felt like I'd see dads yell at their kids, right? They'd screw something up and they'd get yelled at. My father Seth Stoker: Sure. Chris Stream: never yelled at me when I screwed things up. He might not always be happy, right? Seth Stoker: Sure. Chris Stream: he might not always be like happy about it. But he never yelled at me about it, right? It was always a, okay, let's talk about what we learned here. Like I'm not really happy Seth Stoker: Two Chris Stream: with that decision, but let's talk about what we learned here. So that was a very unique space. Because my father, being an old school dad, was you back to your kind of what do men do, right? They they walk the walk and they talk the talk. You must do both. And he always taught me there were so many in the world that just talked. That didn't walk that walk, right? And that was something I really learned from him in that you don't need to just talk. So sometimes your actions speak louder than your words. And that really is a a truer measure of who you are as a person. Lots of people talk and say they're gonna do stuff and they're all big talk, right? And as I I always teach my son, right? You don't need to tell people how tough you are. If somebody's in your school telling you how tough they are. They're probably not that tough. Because the toughest Seth Stoker: Right. Chris Stream: guys in my school, they didn't need to tell me they were tough. I knew they were tough. Like Seth Stoker: Yep. Yep. Chris Stream: I knew I'm not gonna bother Tony. I'm not gonna swing on Tony today. Like that's gonna be a mistake for me. If you had to tell me how tough you were, I was like, You're not very tough. So you're Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: either gonna try to hit me right now or I'm gonna punch you. So you tell me what's gonna happen there. So that that was a big part of how I learned. kinda just being me and that translated more into fatherhood than I ever realized, right? That that became more of a of a philosophy of my fatherhood. and and while no, I don't love kids making mistakes, I wish they didn't. I also have to reflect back on like, mistakes happen, right? And as long as they're not unethical or mean spirited or illegal, right? We're gonna we're gonna talk about those mistakes. So I often talk to my kids, people make fun of me, 'cause I'll be I'll my son will be wanting to do something and I'll be like, I'm not sure I agree with that decision. Or I'll say like, I'm not Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: happy at the moment with the decisions you're making. Like I have these weird phrases and people are like, That's how you talk to your kid? Like you sound like you Seth Stoker: Ha ha. Chris Stream: sound like he's like your employee or an adult or what I'm like, Well I I it's just how I talk to my kids, right? Like I don't need to yell at about it. Or I'll make a face. I don't know if you do this, Seth. I'm a big like I I can make a face where my kids are like, my father is angry at the mo I have kind of a dad face. Seth Stoker: I I'm not that scary. My I joke around too much with my kids. Now now the intimidation is all gone. Chris Stream: Is it yeah, it'll happen. I'm not I think it's starting to go away for me too, 'cause I notice my son is being less responsive to my intimidation. Seth Stoker: Nice. That that just means we gotta we gotta find another angle. That's all right. So Chris Stream: Yeah, I'm gonna have to do something else, right? Seth Stoker: so how do you feel like your relationship with your dad developed over the course of like from childhood into adulthood? Chris Stream: Yeah, you know, it's the it's if I had a regret of my life, it was that In my strive to escape, right? I grew up in a small town. I couldn't wait to get out. I like I I felt claustrophobic, right? I hated high school. I barely graduated. I was bored. I all the things that growing up in a small town can be negative. There can be positives, but growing up in the negative saw that it all hit me. And so when I was able to escape that, I really pushed my family away very strongly. Right. I was like, I am I am not going back to that. and now as a father, I I regret that in the sense that my relationship with my father has not really evolved. in the way that I'm trying to change it with my son. Right. My father was not an affectionate person, right? He he didn't tell me he loved me, he didn't hug me, he didn't do those things. He was not Verbally or physically affectionate, right? So Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Chris Stream: I go out of my way, both with my daughters and my son, to be much more, hey, I love you. Hey, this is I'm not happy with your decision here, but I love you. And I know that this is, we're gonna work our way through this. And so even though my father taught me actions matter, we didn't always practice that amongst ourselves, right? And so I've tried to make sure my kids not only get the words of that, I love you. But get the actions of that as well. And certainly I learned that from my father, but my father and I did not do a great job of of of involving that in our lives. Seth Stoker: Well, Chris, let me ask you, because this is so I've got kids, my my oldest is 19, Chris Stream: Yeah. Seth Stoker: daughter is 15, youngest son is 14. I'm not far away from all of them being adults. So for me, it's really important to me to be able to preserve my relationship with them as they enter adulthood. And so maybe from your experience and from you know, even your experience with Campbell now being 22 years old. What's your advice to a father as you transition to being an adult of or sorry, a a parent of adult children? Chris Stream: Yeah. Seth Stoker: What's the best way to make sure that you can maintain that relationship? Chris Stream: You know, I think that's a great question. And you know, my mother my father, as I said, was a very quiet, you know, man. And my mother was a very dominant force in our family and it always had to be done her way. Like she was very much if we're gonna do something, we're doing it my way, and if people don't do it my way, I'm super upset about about Seth Stoker: Hm. Chris Stream: it. And I want you to do what I'm telling you to do, kind of a a person, right? And so I have a little bit of that in me, right? And of course, given my age, I also have incredible experience. And so it's very challenging for me to not say things when I see things going or provide. And we have Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: a joke at my house, is I'll start something with a phrase where I say, This is not a lecture. And my kids know I'm probably gonna lecture. Seth Stoker: Here comes the lecture. Chris Stream: But I always say, but it's not a lecture. I told you it wasn't a lecture. You can't start my kid. My kids are like, you can't start that way, Dad, and then give a lecture. No, this is not a lecture. So I'm I I'm great and because I'm a college professor too, I'm great at Monday morning quarterbacking, right? Like my greatest skill is let me criticize you after after decisions. Seth Stoker: Ha ha Chris Stream: Because my mother was super good at it. my I grew up with it and I'm good at it myself. So that That is the frustrating thing, is I'm not whereas that pushed me away from my parents in that I didn't want them telling me what to do. And I would joke, and this is this is a joke I would always have my mother, which she despised. She would always be like, Chris, you you never listened to any of my advice. I don't even know how you got to be successful because you never listened to any of my advice. And I say, Mother, I did listen to your advice. I just did the opposite. That is what made me successful. Hated that. My mother hated that. Seth Stoker: Nice. I bet I'm j I'm sure that was just her favorite thing. Chris Stream: she hated that. I'd be like, that's how I got successful. I did the opposite of everything you told me to do. And I that so I I have to check myself, right? Like I have to Okay, don't need a lecture here. And it's hard for me. Like I really want to lecture you. Like I really I do it with my wife, right? Like I really, really want to lecture. And of course I always call it constructive criticism. Seth Stoker: Sure. Chris Stream: I'm like, this is really constructive criticism. If you just pick up your stuff, not leave it all over the house, it'll really make me happy. Like, whatever it is, right? Right. How come I'm the only one that does Seth Stoker: Yeah. It is Chris Stream: the dishes? Could someone else do the dishes? Right. so that that I have to work on because I I saw what it did to me and the relationship with my family, and I don't Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: want that to, you know, to to to be my kid's like, I gotta get as far away from this little man as I can. And For my oldest daughter, right? I did want her to go away to college. I wanted her to go to Reno, right? I was like, you should get away. Cause I wanted to get away, right? I was like, you should want to get away. And she really wanted to stay. And in the end, I'm really glad she stayed, right? Like it allowed Seth Stoker: It's awesome. Chris Stream: me to be, and because she went to school here. Like I could see her. She lived in the dorms. Like it Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Chris Stream: was it turned out to be a much better decision than if I'd sent her to Reno to go to college, right? And it helped us grow together and experience things together, go to concerts and shows and things and football games, all the things that we got to do, that was a really good decision that I don't know if she listened to me, she would have she would not have made, right? And so I I really try to work on that. Seth Stoker: Chris, I think those are really interesting scenarios. We actually had a a similar story in our household over the summer because my fifteen-year-old daughter, she was dead set on doing cheer. She she grew up dancing, all all growing up. But then the last couple years, it was Chris Stream: Yep, very intense. Mm-hmm. Seth Stoker: like I'm gonna be i in the cheer program. Salem actually had a national championship cheer team. And so it was like it's it's the what everybody wants to get into, you know, that sort of thing. And so it was pretty elite. And it was interesting. My wife was a cheerleader in high school. So she definitely loved the idea. She's she's Chris Stream: Yep. Yep. Seth Stoker: all about it. And it's interesting because my daughter kind of kind of dug her heels in just in this last year and said, I don't think I want to do cheer. I think I want to stick with j with dance and do the drill team. And it's funny because my wife was like, no, you're not doing that. You're doing cheer, you know? And And you know, I've had I've had two boys in basketball. I love basketball. I've coached them in basketball. So I think she also saw this as an opportunity of like, here's my chance to have have a girl in the the thing that I Chris Stream: Yes, sure. Yes. Seth Stoker: love and and that sort of thing. But the interesting thing is is my daughter dug in her heels and and she not not like in a confrontational way, but we Chris Stream: Yeah. Seth Stoker: said, Hey, hey, it's your decision, but obviously, you know, here here's what we think, and that sort of thing. And it's so interesting because She ended up just saying, Hey, I this is just what I want to do, and I'm gonna do it. And she was, I was impressed with how strong-willed she was about it. and I didn't care, you know. I I I'm good with with Chris Stream: Yeah. Seth Stoker: drill or chair, whatever you want to do. but the the interesting thing is, is this has been the best thing that could have happened for her. Chris Stream: Yeah. Seth Stoker: She's she's been adopted into this group of girls that have just taken good care of her. Chris Stream: Yeah. Seth Stoker: The team is actually really good and it's really challenging her. And it's just it's it we've we've reflected on it so many times that it's so interesting that sometimes as a parent, like yes, you're going to see a path that's that that you think is right for them. But at the end of the day, you still have to let them make their own decisions. And oftentimes Chris Stream: Hello. Seth Stoker: they're way smarter than you give them credit for if you just let them give them the chance to fail or get it right. Chris Stream: Well, and this is my the you've articulated what my challenge is all the time, right? Because we all see the potential of our kids, right? I I see what they're capable of and I want them to get there. Like, hey, I can see what you are put you you can do. Let's get you there faster. And so I do want to solve their problem or provide that answer or prevent the mistake. And then I have to remember my old saying about learning from experience. I hear I hear Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: my father. And I know that by me doing that, I'm inconsistent with what I believe, right? If I'm providing all the answers, Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: I'm not really practicing. I'm not, I'm not walking the walk, as my father would say, right? I'm not, I'm not Seth Stoker: And they're not learning. Chris Stream: they're not practicing. And so you can't tell your children that failure is how we learn and then prevent them from failing. And that's Seth Stoker: Yes, Chris Stream: a big struggle for me, right? Because I see their potential or I've been in those situations and I want them. Hey, I need you this time just to listen to me. Like I I just Seth Stoker: Yep. Chris Stream: really need ya. sometimes our job and this is hard for me, is to just simply give them the foundation, which you're talking about. Like here's the I've given you the foundation. You choose. Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Chris Stream: I've given you a foundation. I trust the foundation I've given you. I think it's the right thing. So I'm gonna let you choose. That's a hard, that's a lesson I learn all the time, right? Because I Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: I love to be inconsistent. Seth Stoker: Well and and you know what? If they end up failing because of it, they learn from that too. They grow from that too. And that's fine. Chris Stream: And I'd have to tell remind myself 'cause again, w in the grand Seth Stoker: Which is hard. Chris Stream: scheme of failing, it's not that big of a deal. Seth Stoker: No, no. No, it's not. Chris Stream: It's different, you know, in in later in life where we may have to be more forceful of don't rob that bank. I don't think we should rob that bank. I'm just telling you right now, don't rob a bank. Like I might have to be more forceful. This is Seth Stoker: Yeah, there's times. Chris Stream: this is like you say, chess club, cheese club, cheer, gall like who cares, right? Like if in the grand scheme Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: of the world, they will learn something one way one way or the other. so that that that's been for me. Hardest part, right? Seth Stoker: Well well, Chris, I I would love to understand now. Like obviously we've talked about you being an older dad and things like that. so we we get to call it wisdom instead of I'm just kidding. But but I think what I would love to understand now is is we fast forward, and I I try to ask everybody this question when I can, but when we fast forward several years and and Chris is long gone at that point, what do you hope your kids say your legacy is? Chris Stream: So I actually do think about this because I am experienced. I'm gonna call it not wisdom. I'm gonna call it experience, right? That's how we're gonna call Seth Stoker: All right, all right. Chris Stream: it. I hope I hope they I don't want them to say I made their life easy. Like I don't want to say I don't want them to be like dad made everything easy or dad had all the answers. I don't want it to be like that, right? I I hope. 'Cause I talk a lot when I was a kid I wanted to be a pirate. I always felt like if I could have a job, a pirate felt like a good job. Back to like why I got married later. Like it felt like that feels like a world. Now I didn't live anywhere near the ocean 'til much later in my life, but I felt like that I could do that. I could be a pirate, like Seth Stoker: Yeah. Chris Stream: So I talk a lot with my kids about adventures, right? Everything we do is an adventure. We're going on adventures. Cause as a kid, I felt like I couldn't go on adventures. Like once I was free, I was like, I'm going on adventures. I'm going here. I've never been there. I'm going to try this food. I'm going to do these things. I wanted these adventures because I dreamed in my room as a kid, like I, when I get the chance, I'm going to have adventure. Like I w I want adventure. and so I hope my kids remember that that I helped that. Like they had adventure, right? Like they they weren't stuck like I felt like I was as a kid. I hope they always remember that I love them, that I told them that I loved them, that we had these adventures together and they didn't always go great, and that's what made it part of the adventure and things didn't work out. I don't remember this this Two summers ago, my wife wanted to drive up the Oregon Coast, start start in California, drive up the highway Oregon Coast. And we stayed at a hotel as soon as we drove up. It was a little bit like like in a movie where you drive up the hotel and you knew you've made a ch like you booked it online and now you know you've made a you've made a giant mistake. Like there's homeless, there's like it's we have made we have made a giant mistake. And we're all sitting in this car and my kids are looking at me like I am not getting out of this car. And my wife is like, No, it'll be fine. I think it'll be fine. We're sitting there, she's gonna go check us in, and just crazy people start yelling right next to my car, right? Seth Stoker: Great. Chris Stream: I'm like, Okay, we're we're gonna have to check out of this book tell and leave. Right. Kinda scary, right? Kinda, you know, uncertain. My kids aren't used to it, kind of uncertain. But then later we're laughing, like that was that's an adventure. Like that that Seth Stoker: Yep. Chris Stream: was that was we screwed this up. We did not want Seth Stoker: Yep. Chris Stream: we did not think this through. so I always hope they think that adventures, and I hope they also that I gave them room to be themselves. Like I don't need them to be me, right? Like I don't expect my daughter to get a PhD, right? Like, I don't I don't need them to be me, like you said about your daughter, like cheer, really. They don't need to be me. Right? And I say, this say this about my son. We both play golf, but we both play golf very differently. His style is different than my style. The shots he would hit are not the shots I would hit. I have to be okay with that, right? Like I have to let him have his game and be himself, and my daughter has to have her thing and herself. And so I hope they remember this, what I call my my pirate mentality. Right, 'cause I I I didn't I wanted I wanted the wild ride of life. Like I felt like I wanted to have an adventure. Little did I know that adventure would be like being a dad or being married. Like that didn't cross my mind as a kid, right? Because I'm as I think about being Seth Stoker: Mm-hmm. Chris Stream: a pirate, pirates don't get married. Like, come on, nobody nobody Seth Stoker: Ha ha ha. Chris Stream: gets married. Right. That's that's not what a pirate does. But I I I my mother wanted to always control things. And so the last thing I want to do is control all of it, right? And so I want my kids to be remembered. So I my grandfather, my father's father, fought in the World War II in the Pacific, right? Which would have been horrific if you think about it, right? And he loved MacArthur. And so when I would go to the farms, he would make me read a MacArthur biography. Something like I had to read all these books about MacArthur over the summer. He didn't really want to talk about it, right? He didn't want to really discuss his time in the Pacific, but Seth Stoker: Hm. Chris Stream: he did want me to learn about it, right? Because I would ask him, like, Well, my what what was that like? What was you leave after Pearl Harbor? What is that like? I can't even imagine. And the one thing I remember about MacArthur was that he he talks about you're you're only remembered for the rules you break. Right? You're not remembered for the rules you follow, you're remembered for the rules you break. with MacArthur was famous for, right? He he defied his generals. He he he wouldn't do what he was told. and it's why my grandfather loved it. My grandfather adored MacArthur was like he was a leader. and so I I try to instill a little bit of that. I hope my kids remember that it's it's okay to break the rules a little bit. Like rules are meant to be I'm a rule breaker and not in a like hurting people or tragedy But most rules are like you say, who cares? Like like Seth Stoker: You you push the limits. Chris Stream: you push the limits, right? Doesn't mean you're irresponsible. it doesn't mean you're you're whatever. I think of it more as you're conjure you're c you're you're curious, you're you're willing to try things, you're willing to make mistakes, you're willing to to do something you're uncomfortable doing. All my kids have been very good about that, right? They they will always try something. They may not always like it, right? Whether it's a food, thing we do. like my my Lucia loves the zip line. She loves zip line, w bridges, you know, rope bridges, things like that. She loves that. My son hates those things. He's scared of heights. He doesn't really like the the wobbliness of it all. He hates it. But he tries it, right? And Lucille didn't think she'd like it either until she tried it. And so I hope they remember kind of that kind of thing, right? that it's okay to have a little bit of a of a pirate mentality to your life. I hope that's what they've Seth Stoker: Love that pirate mentality. We need a t shirt or something like that for you. The pirate mentality. I haven't heard that one. Chris Stream: Yeah, having that well my one of my favorite movies I worked at Disney World as a kid. So one of my f Seth Stoker: Okay. Chris Stream: my first jobs was at Disney World. And I loved Pirates of the Caribbean, right? That was my favorite. That was my favorite ride, because I had this pirate ever since I was a kid. I never got to work there, because they assign you. They don't you know they don't let you pick, right? Like they just assign you license. but then the movies came out, right? In the very first movie, Barbosa, the the captain is being told the rules. He kidnaps Miss Swan and she's like, you know, parlay, you have to follow these pirate rules. And he says, Well they're really more like guidelines. Like we don't really follow Like and and I was like, that's that was it. I was like, that's Seth Stoker: That's me. Chris Stream: that that explains it, right? They're they're they're not really rules like you gotta follow they're more like guidelines, right? You follow the guidelines. So that that's a little I to see that on a movie and whatever Like, yeah, this is this is the life. Like this is what you this is what you want. You want to push that. Be curious. And don't and don't just do things because like, well, that's what we always do, right? I always hated that that mentality. Like, why do we do it that way? Because we always do it. that a reason to do something? So that's what I hope. so all that to say I haven't figured out fatherhood. If your question if your question was have I figured it out, I haven't figured it out Seth Stoker: Well, Chris, I I think you've I think you've taught us a lot today. Thanks for sharing your wisdom, I mean experience with us. And it was great to have you. Thanks so much. Chris Stream: Hey Seth, I enjoyed the conversation. I don't get to talk about these things a lot, so I really appreciate you letting me just verbally throw up here for this conversation. So thanks for doing it. Hey, Seth Stoker: It was a it was awesome. Thank you. Chris Stream: have a great day. Seth Stoker: Hey, big thanks to Chris for joining us today. What a genuinely unique perspective on fatherhood. Here's what I want to leave you with. There's no template for this. Chris built his family later than most, differently than most, and with more moving pieces than most. and yet the principles underneath it are the same ones that we keep coming back to on this podcast. Show up. Be present. Be intentional. Look for those opportunities to teach your kids the things that will prepare them for the rest of their lives. Talk to your kids like they matter. Love their mother. And never stop trying to figure out how to give your family the best version of you. Chris reminded us today that the path to fatherhood looks differently for everyone. What matters is what you do when you get there. New episodes are gonna drop every Wednesday on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube. If this conversation resonated with you, share it with a dad who needs to hear it. And if you know a dad with a story worth telling, reach out at dadiclepodcast dot com. Don't sleepwalk through fatherhood. Be dadical.