Latest / Marriage Life and More and Bible Study / Feeling Neglected - 3 Sacred Moments in Marriage Pt 2 (Marriage Reset Series) - 265

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Feeling Neglected - 3 Sacred Moments in Marriage Pt 2 (Marriage Reset Series) - 265 · Marriage Life and More and Bible Study

0:06
Daniel Moore: Especially women, you know, they they like the affirmation and that kind of thing.
0:10
Daniel Moore: And if they're not getting it at home, but yet some guy at work is going overboard sharing all these, you know, comments and everything, it could create an issue in the marriage, you know, if you're not careful.
0:22
Michelle Moore: Well, I even trust you enough to tell me which pair of shoes look good with my outfit.
0:27
Daniel Moore: So I tell her, and then she picks the other ones that I didn't pick.
0:33
Michelle Moore: I don't trust him because he always brings to like wear certain shoes, and I'm like, that doesn't go.
0:38
Michelle Moore: He goes, Well, what's wrong with it?
0:40
Michelle Moore: And I'm like, you can't wear blue on blue.
0:42
Michelle Moore: And he's like, why not?
0:43
Michelle Moore: And like they're two different blues.
0:47
Daniel Moore: This week on Marriage Life and More, we're going to finish episode five that we started last week talking about neglect in marriage.
0:56
Daniel Moore: We're gonna get back into that right after this.
0:59
Daniel Moore: And we interview people sometimes that have inspiring stories.
1:42
Daniel Moore: I'm Daniel Moore, your host, and I have once again with me here my beautiful co-host, my wife, Michelle.
1:48
Michelle Moore: Hey, hey.
1:49
Daniel Moore: I want to thank you guys for joining us this week.
1:51
Daniel Moore: If you're not familiar with our show, check out our website at marriagelifeandmore.com.
1:54
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1:57
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1:59
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2:02
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2:07
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2:10
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2:15
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2:18
Daniel Moore: That's what helps our podcast to grow.
2:20
Daniel Moore: And please share these episodes as well with people that need to hear these things that we're talking about, because we know there's not there's a lot of good marriages out there, but there's not very many perfect ones.
2:31
Daniel Moore: So we know everybody needs some help somewhere.
2:33
Daniel Moore: Hopefully, we'll talk about some things that resonates with you.
2:37
Daniel Moore: So this week, as I mentioned here when we was getting ready to start this episode here at the beginning, we're gonna be wrapping up episode five in our series on marriage reset, going from roommates to soulmates in your marriage.
2:51
Daniel Moore: And this week we're gonna wrap it up talking about feeling neglected, three sacred moments in marriage.
2:59
Daniel Moore: Today's sirens are a bit different, but they're just as tempting.
3:25
Daniel Moore: They come in the form of phone notifications, bingeworthy TV shows, busy children, demanding jobs, over stimulating games, and endless social feeds.
3:36
Daniel Moore: These modern distractions can quietly erode the connection between you and your spouse when they consume the moments meant for emotional intimacy and presence.
3:46
Daniel Moore: There's a scene in Homer's The Odyssey, where Odysseus, aware of the sirens' power, doesn't choose to confront or eliminate them.
3:56
Daniel Moore: Instead, he comes up with a creative plan.
3:58
Daniel Moore: He plugs his crew's ears with wax and ties himself to the mast of the ship.
4:04
Daniel Moore: He knows he'll be tempted, so he safeguards himself and his crew.
4:08
Daniel Moore: As they sail past the sirens, Odysseus begs to be released, but no one hears him and they safely pass.
4:16
Daniel Moore: Now you might be wondering what this centuries old story has to do with today's marriages.
4:22
Daniel Moore: Well the point is, Odysseus didn't try to destroy the temptation, he avoided it.
4:28
Daniel Moore: Similarly, we're not suggesting that you throw out your television or cancel your internet or disconnect from the world completely.
4:35
Daniel Moore: For most people, that's just not very practical.
4:39
Daniel Moore: Instead, we encourage you to create boundaries, to sidestep the pull of modern distractions during your relationally rich moments.
4:47
Daniel Moore: If you feel led to cut down your technology use drastically, well then go for it.
4:52
Daniel Moore: But for many, simple intentionality works just as well.
4:56
Daniel Moore: One example that you can do is when you're in a coffee shop or a restaurant, make sure that your phones are nowhere in sight.
5:03
Daniel Moore: Focus on each other, with only coffee cups and breakfast in between.
5:08
Daniel Moore: That's a sacred moment that's been reclaimed.
5:11
Daniel Moore: You can also remove social media apps from your phone temporarily.
5:15
Daniel Moore: Some people that have done it gave feedback and said, I finally did it and it's been amazing.
5:21
Daniel Moore: I feel more present with my husband and kids.
5:24
Daniel Moore: The change didn't require extreme action, just the willingness to step away and reclaim attention.
5:31
Daniel Moore: That is what we mean by choosing presence.
5:34
Daniel Moore: Our gadgets aren't evil, and many times they enhance our communications.
5:39
Daniel Moore: Technology connects us, but it's about using it thoughtfully.
5:43
Daniel Moore: So as we open up this week, we're talking about this here a little bit.
5:48
Daniel Moore: You know, I do know people that have taken social media apps off of their phone, and people have actually used that also to fast.
5:59
Daniel Moore: You know, when they've had church fast or they just have a certain time in the year that they might just fast on their own.
6:05
Daniel Moore: A lot of people will fast from social media.
6:08
Daniel Moore: And one thing that I can say about social media is it seems like these days, I remember at I remember a time when on Facebook or some of them other social media platforms, you actually got decent information about friends or family or whatever.
6:27
Daniel Moore: It seems like now it's just a bunch of trash.
6:29
Daniel Moore: I know when I flip through mine all the time, just trying to see something a friend might have posted or something like that.
6:35
Daniel Moore: I'm constantly just seeing ads.
6:38
Daniel Moore: And so, in all reality, you know, I've gotten to where I use social media for our ministry.
6:45
Daniel Moore: I try to post on that quite often, but you really don't see me post much, really.
6:50
Daniel Moore: And I really don't flip through it a whole lot because of of what's not there's nothing there to see.
6:57
Daniel Moore: But there are some people that, you know, they actually do have a problem, you know, staying off their social medias and stuff.
7:03
Daniel Moore: And I some of that might have progressed to TikTok, maybe or something like that.
7:07
Daniel Moore: I don't know.
7:07
Michelle Moore: I don't know.
7:08
Michelle Moore: I'm not on TikTok.
7:09
Daniel Moore: I don't use none of that.
7:10
Daniel Moore: So there's no telling that maybe that's where it's all at.
7:13
Daniel Moore: I don't know.
7:14
Daniel Moore: And I have no intention of using it.
7:16
Daniel Moore: But we just have to make sure that when we're, you know, looking at our devices and the the social media things that we're involved in, uh, we just have to watch those uses of that.
7:28
Daniel Moore: You know, the real trouble begins when we allow technology to chip weight our moments of being truly present.
7:34
Daniel Moore: It's not just heads down scrolling, it's the slow separation that happens when we reach for a screen instead of reaching for each other.
7:41
Daniel Moore: It becomes a quiet habit, almost invisible at first, yet deeply damaging over time.
7:47
Daniel Moore: So this is where we come back to those sacred moments, those rare high potential times during the day when you can actually connect.
7:55
Daniel Moore: So there are 1440 minutes in a day, yet only a small portion of them offer meaningful opportunities for relationship growth.
8:04
Daniel Moore: If you really think about your day, most minutes are swallowed up by work, chores, errands, parenting, and routine responsibilities.
8:13
Daniel Moore: But some minutes are sacred, they hold the power to refresh your connection.
8:18
Daniel Moore: For example, sitting across from each other at a quiet cafe, walking hand in hand after dinner, or winding down together without screens.
8:26
Daniel Moore: Now contrast that with managing chaotic bedtime routines, breaking up sibling squabbles, or entering work emails during dinner.
8:35
Daniel Moore: Those moments have low connection capacity.
8:38
Daniel Moore: Sacred moments don't require ideal circumstances, but they do require awareness and protection.
8:44
Daniel Moore: The word sacred implies defending what is precious.
8:49
Daniel Moore: When it comes to your marriage, protecting these special moments starts with recognizing them for what they are, brief windows to reconnect in a busy world.
8:58
Daniel Moore: And once you spot a sacred moment, don't let those sirens, as we talked about earlier, or other invaders pull your attention away.
9:07
Daniel Moore: Safeguard them because they are the anchors that keep your relationship strong.
9:11
Daniel Moore: That's good.
9:12
Daniel Moore: So this is the goal.
9:14
Daniel Moore: Recognize your sacred connection moments and protect them from the sirens and aliens trying to destroy them.
9:20
Daniel Moore: Your marriage is unique and will contain different sacred moments that consistently show up in other marriages.
9:27
Daniel Moore: But for this week's episode, there's three sacred moments that are especially worth recognizing and protecting.
9:34
Daniel Moore: One of those is pillow talk.
9:37
Daniel Moore: We have parting ways, which is goodbye, and returning home, which is greeting.
9:43
Daniel Moore: So let's look at how to protect these sacred moments from the invaders.
9:47
Daniel Moore: So as we start here, we're going to talk first about pillow talk.
9:51
Daniel Moore: Do you want to share with us on that one?
9:53
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
9:54
Michelle Moore: The term pillow talk often brings to mind those quiet, tender conversations that happen after intimacy.
10:01
Michelle Moore: But we'd like to broaden that idea.
10:04
Michelle Moore: Pillow talk doesn't have to follow sex, it can simply be any warm, open, and meaningful exchange that happens while you're lying in bed together.
10:14
Michelle Moore: After a long day of responsibilities, stress, and constant activities, couples can often crave connection, yet many allow the habit of real conversation to fade with time.
10:27
Michelle Moore: After over two decades of marriage, we've come to appreciate that one of the best opportunities for heartfelt communication happens at the end of the day.
10:37
Michelle Moore: When the noise dies down, and it's just the two of you, this is time to talk about what went well and what didn't.
10:45
Michelle Moore: Share feelings, cuddle, kiss, make love, or pray together.
10:49
Michelle Moore: But unfortunately, this powerful time is often hijacked.
10:54
Michelle Moore: We'll admit it's a struggle even for us.
10:57
Michelle Moore: Instead of using those final quiet minutes to strengthen our bond, we frequently reach for our phones.
11:04
Michelle Moore: It becomes an unfortunate ritual, checking notifications, emails, or news feeds right before we sleep, and again, first thing in the morning.
11:14
Michelle Moore: When we do this, we unintentionally send the message that our digital world holds more importance than our spouse.
11:21
Michelle Moore: We end up lying side by side, yet feeling disconnected.
11:26
Michelle Moore: These quiet nighttime moments, which should be helping us draw closer, are often sacrificed for the sake of screen time.
11:34
Michelle Moore: And the truth is we're allowing one of the most sacred connection points in our day to slip away.
11:41
Daniel Moore: And so this pillow talk thing, uh this is just kind of an overall view of what t the typical couples, a lot of them go through this routine and this ritual.
11:53
Daniel Moore: And I think, you know, you and I've talked about it before that sometimes even for us our talking time is after we go to bed.
12:03
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
12:03
Michelle Moore: A lot of times it is.
12:04
Daniel Moore: A lot of times that's when it happens.
12:06
Daniel Moore: And and we don't really have kids at home anymore either.
12:11
Michelle Moore: We're super busy and we're just gonna be able to do that.
12:12
Daniel Moore: We're just so busy with stuff, it that's usually when it ends up happening.
12:15
Daniel Moore: And but I will say that since we utilize that time, it to me, you know, we don't reach for our phones usually in the evenings like that.
12:25
Daniel Moore: We read books typically when we first go to bed.
12:29
Daniel Moore: We we've got books by each side of our bed and we'll read for a little bit or whatever, but that's only if we're not having conversations.
12:35
Michelle Moore: Yep.
12:35
Michelle Moore: That's exactly right.
12:36
Daniel Moore: Because we like to have conversation at that time.
12:39
Michelle Moore: And sometimes our conversations can go five minutes, sometimes our conversations can go for an hour.
12:45
Michelle Moore: It's just that's our but it it's no distractions.
12:49
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
12:50
Michelle Moore: Except for our dogs.
12:52
Daniel Moore: Yeah, we we have two dogs that like to sleep with us.
12:54
Daniel Moore: Yeah, they like to be priority.
12:57
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
12:58
Daniel Moore: Instead of kids, it's dogs.
12:59
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
13:00
Daniel Moore: They're high maintenance.
13:01
Michelle Moore: Honestly, that to me means more to me than a lot because you're not picking up your phone, you're not doing anything, you're focusing on our conversation, just me and you intentionally.
13:12
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
13:13
Michelle Moore: You know, and talking about our days or you know, what we've got going and what we've won.
13:17
Michelle Moore: And there's been times that, hey, I've got something on my heart, let's pray about it.
13:21
Michelle Moore: Vice versa.
13:22
Michelle Moore: I mean, it's just that is our time.
13:26
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
13:26
Michelle Moore: And there's times I fall asleep.
13:28
Michelle Moore: So sorry.
13:29
Daniel Moore: It happens.
13:30
Daniel Moore: And that's why, too, that it's really, and I know this happens quite often, and I'm not knocking anybody that does it.
13:37
Daniel Moore: I'm sure they've got their reasons, but this is also a reason why they say that as your kids go grow older, you know, they should have their own room, their own place to sleep.
13:47
Daniel Moore: Because in all reality, and I think it's even worse, in my opinion, when you have kids versus when you don't, that probably really is a one of the only times you can really talk is after you get laid down, your head hits the pillow.
14:01
Daniel Moore: Because when you have kids involved, especially if they're like preschool age or maybe elementary age, uh, there's a lot of running chasing them around, and your whole evenings and days are just consumed with trying to, you know, raise the kids and everything, you don't really get a chance just to sit and talk.
14:18
Michelle Moore: No, I'd agree with that.
14:19
Daniel Moore: You know, so a lot of times, you know, when you're parents like that and you're chasing those kids around all the time, it's usually when you finally get to lay down before you even have a moment to breathe and think about what's going on in your mind and have that talk with your spouse that you needed to have all day.
14:36
Daniel Moore: You can't do that when you have your kids in your room at night, too, you know.
14:40
Daniel Moore: So that's just something to just kind of keep in mind as well with all of that.
14:45
Daniel Moore: Uh so but as married couples, it's it's important to have a private retreat.
14:50
Daniel Moore: Won't you go ahead and uh pick up there where you left off and finish sharing that with us?
14:56
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
14:57
Michelle Moore: Um intentional space in your home where you can quietly reconnect away from the noise and demands of everyday life.
15:06
Michelle Moore: Think of it as your personal retreat zone, a place of peace and reconnection.
15:12
Michelle Moore: For many couples, the bedroom is the ideal spot to create the this space of intimacy.
15:18
Michelle Moore: But making it a true retreat takes some intentional decisions and habits.
15:23
Michelle Moore: Start by identifying the things that might be sabotaging your connection when you're winding down.
15:30
Michelle Moore: Is it the glowing screen of your laptop or a TV always running in the background?
15:35
Michelle Moore: Are the kids climbing into your bed every night?
15:39
Michelle Moore: Are both of you absorbed in checking your phones instead of connecting with each other?
15:44
Michelle Moore: It helps to talk with your spouse about the dividing your intention and together come up with some simple changes to guard your space for each other.
15:54
Michelle Moore: Maybe it's time to relocate the TV to another room.
15:58
Michelle Moore: And while occasional exceptions happen, like a bad dream or illness, on most nights, children should be sleeping in their own space.
16:08
Michelle Moore: Teaching your kids to honor your couple time shows them how much your marriage matters.
16:13
Michelle Moore: If you're like us, and smartphones are your biggest distractions.
16:18
Michelle Moore: Try putting them to charge somewhere other than your nightstand.
16:22
Michelle Moore: That would be good.
16:23
Michelle Moore: The bathroom or kitchen works great for this.
16:27
Michelle Moore: It's amazing how easy it is to get pulled into scrolling when your phone is within arm's reach.
16:32
Michelle Moore: Creating room for end-of-day connection doesn't mean you need a marathon talk session.
16:39
Michelle Moore: A pillow talk might only take ten minutes, but those moments can be rich with affection, affirmation, and closeness.
16:48
Michelle Moore: You might chat, cuddle, kiss, or even make love.
16:52
Michelle Moore: Ending your time with prayer can deepen your emotional and spiritual bond as well.
16:57
Michelle Moore: The truth is, we're not really missing anything important when we put our phones away.
17:03
Michelle Moore: But we are missing something meaningful when we let them still our sacred space.
17:09
Michelle Moore: Protecting those bedtime moments allows you to end the day with a sense of closeness you can carry in tomorrow.
17:15
Michelle Moore: It's good.
17:16
Daniel Moore: And if you remember, uh kind of doing another flashback here to the Four Laws of Love.
17:21
Daniel Moore: And I do want to say if you guys are listening and you've not been through that series, uh, Michelle and I highly recommend that.
17:28
Michelle Moore: Oh, that yes.
17:29
Daniel Moore: And not just because we did the series on our podcast, but we just highly recommend that series, especially Jimmy Evans did a quick book.
17:37
Daniel Moore: Yeah, Jimmy Jimmy Evans wrote the book and her and I went through it and made a series out of it.
17:43
Daniel Moore: And if there is anything in a marriage that you have question about or you need help with, uh, you know, no matter what it is, that series pretty much hit it all.
17:54
Daniel Moore: And one of the things that I do remember when we went through that series was how important it is that your kids have a bedtime and that they go to bed at that bedtime because that teaches them a respect for the time that you have as spouses, which comes after that.
18:10
Daniel Moore: That's an intentional thing that you want to do with them because they need to know that this is our time up to this point.
18:18
Daniel Moore: Mom and dad play with us, they you know, take us outside, we go places, whatever it may be.
18:23
Daniel Moore: But when it comes up to this certain time in the evening, that's our cutoff, and that's when we go to bed.
18:27
Daniel Moore: And then after that, we respect mom and it's not running to the bedroom every five minutes.
18:32
Daniel Moore: I need to go to the bathroom, I need a drink, I need this, I need that.
18:34
Daniel Moore: Uh, we have to teach our kids a respect for our relationship.
18:38
Daniel Moore: And that was something that that we went through in that series that was so good.
18:43
Daniel Moore: And, you know, this is hitting on that just a little bit here because yeah, we have pillow talk time and we can go to bed, but there can be distractions in your bedroom also, the TVs and you know, the different things that are there.
18:56
Daniel Moore: So what I think we, you know, is probably a good idea every once in a while is maybe just take a second and ask your spouse, is there something that's distracting me from you?
19:09
Daniel Moore: Is there something I'm allowing to take place that's causing a distraction in our relationship that's bothering you, you know, or vice versa.
19:18
Daniel Moore: You ask that back and forth.
19:20
Daniel Moore: I think it's because these things are things that we do, like it says a lot of times unintentionally, and it's a reaction really.
19:29
Daniel Moore: We don't even know we're doing it sometimes because we're so used to doing it.
19:32
Daniel Moore: It's just an idle movement that we make, and we don't realize the damage that it's doing to our relationship.
19:38
Daniel Moore: And so I think it's good to be intentional to ask our spouses occasionally, you know, I just want to make sure that we're staying on the same page, that we're still having our intimate moments like we need.
19:49
Daniel Moore: There's nothing that's there distracting us from each other and that kind of thing.
19:54
Daniel Moore: And maybe that time at Pillow Talk is a good time to talk about that, but uh just something to keep in mind there.
20:01
Daniel Moore: So the second one is parting ways or goodbye.
20:15
Daniel Moore: So you've probably heard the famous line from Romeo and Juliet, parting is such sweet sorrow.
20:22
Daniel Moore: It captures that bittersweet emotion of saying goodbye, a mix of sadness from separating and anticipating of being reunited again.
20:31
Daniel Moore: In the early days of marriage, the idea of parting from your spouse might have felt dramatic or even heart-wrenching.
20:38
Daniel Moore: But over time, that intensity often fades.
20:42
Daniel Moore: For many couples now, leaving the house consists of a quick wave and a distracted love you tossed over their shoulder while heading to work, rushing the kids to school, or being buried in a morning task list.
20:53
Daniel Moore: And you know, I mean, we get it.
20:56
Daniel Moore: Mornings are hectic.
20:57
Daniel Moore: Nobody suggesting that you need to transform every departure into a scene from a romantic movie.
21:03
Daniel Moore: Life is busy and not every goodbye can be dramatic or elaborate.
21:07
Daniel Moore: Still, departures, whether in the morning, before a business trip, or even just running out to the store, are sacred connection points that you can have as a couple.
21:17
Daniel Moore: They hold the chance to say, I see you and I value you.
21:21
Daniel Moore: When we blow through them on autopilot, we risk making our spouse feel unnoticed or unimportant, which over time contributes to emotional distance and impacts connection.
21:33
Daniel Moore: Taking advantage of this small but meaningful moment doesn't require grand gestures, you don't need to reenact a movie scene or cover your partner and farewell lipstick.
21:42
Daniel Moore: But small acts of connection go a long way.
21:45
Daniel Moore: Saying something positive, even a short compliment, can lift your spouse's spirit and set the tone right for the day.
21:53
Daniel Moore: We're inspired by how God spoke over his son.
21:56
Daniel Moore: You are my beloved son, with you I am well pleased.
22:00
Daniel Moore: Well, imagine if your spouse walked out the door each morning, knowing that you were pleased with them too.
22:06
Daniel Moore: You know, I remember hearing someone once say that he always complimented his wife before she left for the day because he didn't want the first men to compliment her to be someone at work.
22:15
Daniel Moore: And I've actually heard, you know, several men say that, and I think that's very wise of them to think that because you know, Michelle and I, you know, we talked about it here, I don't know, it's a couple maybe a couple episodes ago, a few weeks ago, how every time we leave, you know, even if I run outside to do something real quick and it looks like we're gonna get ready to jump in the truck and go, if I haven't kissed you goodbye yet, I'll run back in.
22:41
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
22:41
Daniel Moore: You know, or whatever.
22:42
Daniel Moore: Because we try to be intentional with that every day.
22:45
Daniel Moore: And, you know, I think, you know, from a spouse's standpoint, from the the the girls' side, you know, how's that make you feel that that that happens?
22:56
Michelle Moore: I love it.
22:57
Michelle Moore: I mean, it just encourages me and it makes me feel one I mean, it just makes me feel good, you know.
23:04
Daniel Moore: And there's a lot of truth to this, and I feel the same way about this comment that I don't want I would rather you not go to work and your coworker guy one because you got men that work there at the bank.
23:17
Daniel Moore: You know, I don't want one of them being the first to tell you that you're special.
23:21
Daniel Moore: You know, I want myself to when I give you a kiss goodbye and tell you to have a good day and hope everything goes well and whatever.
23:29
Daniel Moore: Um, you know, I want I want to reaffirm you absolutely and make you feel special before I leave.
23:36
Michelle Moore: And and you always do.
23:38
Michelle Moore: Yeah, and so there's not ever a time that goes by that I don't and if you haven't said anything, I ask you, do I look good?
23:47
Daniel Moore: And that's intentional on my part because you know I I do think about stuff like that because it's easy for if this doesn't happen at home, but someone at work constantly doing that, if the relationship gets to a stagnant point where issues start arising and there's a conflict of interest and different things taking place, that's a good place for something bad to start.
24:13
Daniel Moore: Because if uh spouse especially women, you know, they they like the affirmation and that kind of thing.
24:18
Daniel Moore: And if they're not getting it at home, but yet some guy at work is going overboard sharing all these, you know, comments and everything, it could c it could create an issue in the marriage, you know, if you're not careful.
24:31
Michelle Moore: Well, I even trust you enough to tell me which pair of shoes look good with my outfit.
24:35
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
24:36
Daniel Moore: So I tell her and then she picks the other ones that I didn't pick.
24:42
Michelle Moore: I don't trust him because he always brings to like wear certain shoes, and I'm like, that doesn't go.
24:47
Michelle Moore: He goes, Well, what's wrong with it?
24:48
Michelle Moore: And I'm like, You can't wear blue on blue, and he's like, Well, why not?
24:52
Michelle Moore: And like they're two different blues.
24:54
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
24:54
Michelle Moore: We we tease each other all the time about it.
24:56
Michelle Moore: But I do.
24:57
Michelle Moore: I mean, I don't always change my shoes.
24:59
Daniel Moore: But I feel special that you asked me, even though you know I'm not a fashion.
25:03
Michelle Moore: You're not a fashionista.
25:05
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
25:06
Daniel Moore: I didn't grow up in Paris.
25:10
Michelle Moore: Neither did I.
25:11
Daniel Moore: But that's just something you know that you need to just think about to be intentional.
25:16
Daniel Moore: These party moments, they can also be used to speak encouragement, offering words that infuse strength and confidence.
25:23
Daniel Moore: Life on a general basis can drain and it can discourage us.
25:27
Daniel Moore: But when your spouse hears from you that I believe in you or you've got this, it gives them emotional fuel.
25:35
Daniel Moore: Encouragement isn't motivational fluff, it's the act of placing courage into someone.
25:40
Daniel Moore: It lifts them above their doubts, reminding them that they can handle whatever challenges come that day.
25:45
Daniel Moore: That's something else that you and I are really good about.
25:48
Daniel Moore: If you know that I've got something pressing happening that day, or I know that you've got something big, a big audit, or you know, here late you've had your federal auditors have come in, so you've had to deal with a lot of that.
25:59
Daniel Moore: Uh, a lot of times if I can tell, you know, that's you're really stressed and whatever, I'll tell you, you know, you've been doing a great job.
26:06
Daniel Moore: It's gonna be great.
26:07
Daniel Moore: They're not gonna find nothing, and everything's gonna go just great and fine.
26:11
Daniel Moore: And, you know, because I I want you to know that I try to build that confidence up in you, and then you do that for me, you know, sometimes.
26:20
Daniel Moore: And so those moments are very important between spouses uh to share those together.
26:26
Daniel Moore: So another way to use this sacred moment is through physical affection.
26:34
Daniel Moore: So, Michelle and I, just like we mentioned earlier, I don't leave the house without a kiss.
26:39
Daniel Moore: It doesn't matter if we have to chase each other halfway to the car.
26:42
Daniel Moore: There's gonna be a kiss involved.
26:44
Michelle Moore: Always.
26:45
Daniel Moore: Affection like that isn't just about romance, it answers the quiet question, do you still like me?
26:50
Daniel Moore: Yes, we promise to love each other on our wedding day, but the daily expressions like a goodbye kiss show that we still enjoy and value each other.
26:58
Daniel Moore: That simple act reassures us of our affection and continued desire, even if our breath isn't morning fresh.
27:05
Daniel Moore: And a surprising bonus, there was a study conducted by German researchers that found men who get a kiss from their wives before heading to work live an average of five years longer.
27:16
Michelle Moore: Wow.
27:16
Daniel Moore: Those men also reportedly missed less work, had fewer accidents, and even earned more on average.
27:22
Michelle Moore: Wow.
27:22
Daniel Moore: The idea is that a kiss gives them a meaningful boost of positivity and confidence to face the day.
27:28
Daniel Moore: So apparently, Germany is serious about their kissing.
27:32
Daniel Moore: They even have 30 different words for various types of kisses.
27:36
Daniel Moore: Wow, interesting.
27:38
Daniel Moore: Yeah, and and one of our favorites is Natch Notchkusen.
27:42
Daniel Moore: It's a kiss given to make up for the ones you've missed.
27:45
Daniel Moore: Notchkusen.
27:47
Daniel Moore: Getting a history lesson here and seeing that I don't know how to speak German.
27:51
Daniel Moore: But when you offer affection and verbal affirmation before you part ways, you're not just checking a box, you're sending your spouse out into the world feeling seen, valued, and emotionally fortified.
28:04
Daniel Moore: So go ahead and turn goodbye into a sacred moment.
28:08
Daniel Moore: And if you've forgotten to do it lately, don't worry.
28:11
Daniel Moore: You can always make up for it with a good round of notch coosin.
28:15
Michelle Moore: Well, not only do we give a a kiss, but we always say we love each other.
28:20
Daniel Moore: Yep.
28:21
Michelle Moore: Because, you know, some people grow up not hearing those words.
28:25
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
28:25
Michelle Moore: And I think it's very important you tell people that you love them.
28:29
Michelle Moore: And, you know, you love your father, you tell your father, and you know, you love him.
28:34
Michelle Moore: Well, I love my husband, so I tell him all the time I love him.
28:38
Michelle Moore: I mean, there's usually a phone conversation, and I do it with my mom.
28:42
Michelle Moore: I mean every time I talk to my mom, I'm like, Love you.
28:45
Michelle Moore: And she'll say, Love you back.
28:46
Michelle Moore: I mean, it's just it's something that I feel is very important that the other person knows that you love him, especially your spouse.
28:55
Daniel Moore: Yeah, and there was something that I read today, and of course I I see this quite often when in the secular world, but I was reading a some headlines and I came across an article where some girl wrote about um it's okay to go to bed mad sometimes, regardless of what the world says, or something to that effect.
29:20
Daniel Moore: And so I was kind of just glancing through the article just to see what she was going to say about it, because you know, you and I have talked about that before.
29:27
Daniel Moore: Uh, we totally disagree with that.
29:29
Daniel Moore: We don't think that you should go to bed in your anger.
29:32
Daniel Moore: Uh, we do know that sometimes you'll go to bed still with a disagreement, possibly.
29:36
Daniel Moore: You still may not have came to a conclusion on your issue, but you definitely don't want to go to bed completely angry and totally mad and furious at each other.
29:45
Daniel Moore: And somebody made a comment in the comments section that really just put it in perspective.
29:51
Daniel Moore: And that girl that made the comment, she said, I totally disagree with you.
29:55
Daniel Moore: She said, My grandfather had a massive heart attack and died in his sleep.
29:59
Daniel Moore: What if he?
29:59
Daniel Moore: Had not told my grandmother that he loved her before he went to sleep and that they went to sleep knowing that they were okay and that they were in love with each other, how would she have felt if that had not happened?
30:12
Daniel Moore: And you know, I think that a lot of times we forget about that stuff.
30:16
Daniel Moore: We get mad at each other and we blow up and we have our bad interaction and we stomp off and leave it unresolved, not realizing that you know we're not guaranteed every second of our life.
30:29
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
30:29
Daniel Moore: Um, our next moment may be our last.
30:32
Daniel Moore: Is that really the memory that you want to have of the last moment with the person that you vowed to love and cherish and hold for the rest of your life, the person that was supposed to be the most important to you?
30:43
Daniel Moore: And so, you know, I myself, because of the the situation that you and I have been in with our relationship before, and I, you know, we've already almost gotten divorced and we've lost almost lost each other once before.
30:53
Daniel Moore: You know, I always want you to know how I feel about you now.
30:56
Daniel Moore: I don't want to leave any question about that.
30:59
Daniel Moore: And, you know, that way if something ever were to happen, regardless of what it was, um, at least I would know that I did my part to make sure you knew, you know.
31:09
Daniel Moore: I really liked her comment back on that article because obviously I disagreed with it.
31:16
Daniel Moore: But the third one here, as we closed, is returning home or greeting.
31:34
Daniel Moore: And do you want to share that one?
31:36
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
31:36
Michelle Moore: Few phrases are as heartwarming as hearing your children shout, Mommy's home or daddy's here.
31:43
Michelle Moore: When kids are young, they often run to the door with boundless enthusiasm, dropping what they're doing to smother their parent with hugs and squeals.
31:52
Michelle Moore: That kind of eager greeting makes the end of the workday feel like a celebration.
31:57
Michelle Moore: Even dogs often model this joyful reunion.
32:01
Michelle Moore: A family dog might bounce around in excitement, tail wagon wildly as humans walk through the door, unable to contain their happiness.
32:10
Michelle Moore: It's a moment full of pure connection.
32:13
Michelle Moore: Some animals, however, don't exactly roll out the welcome mat.
32:18
Michelle Moore: Consider a grumpy cat that barely acknowledges anyone's return, casting a gaze that says, Oh, you again.
32:27
Michelle Moore: The same contrast can happen in marriages.
32:30
Michelle Moore: At one time, couples passionately welcome each other after being apart, like a couple recently spotted at the airport in a heartfelt embrace.
32:40
Michelle Moore: The women ran into her partner's arms, laughing and crying, even though they'd only been apart for a day.
32:46
Michelle Moore: To them, those 24 hours felt much longer.
32:50
Michelle Moore: Their reunion might have resembled a scene from a romantic movie reminding onlookers what enthusiastic reconnection looks like.
32:59
Michelle Moore: By contrast, many established couples no longer greet each other with the same enthusiasm.
33:05
Michelle Moore: One partner comes home, the other barely glances up from their screen or task.
33:11
Michelle Moore: The absence of acknowledgement isn't usually intentional.
33:15
Michelle Moore: Most people are simply overwhelmed or preoccupied.
33:19
Michelle Moore: But over time, this lack of welcome can send the message that the other person isn't valued or missed.
33:26
Michelle Moore: You don't have to go all out like a woman who once showed up at the airport in her wedding gown holding a sign for her husband after a business trip.
33:35
Michelle Moore: She wanted to visually express commitment and affection, a reminder that she was still all in it after years of marriage.
33:43
Michelle Moore: Well, gestures like that are beautiful.
33:46
Michelle Moore: They're not necessary every day.
33:48
Michelle Moore: What matters most are the small actions that say, I see you.
33:52
Michelle Moore: I'm happy you're here.
33:54
Michelle Moore: A warm smile, a quick embrace, or just pausing what you're doing to say hello can speak volumes.
34:01
Michelle Moore: These moments might seem ordinary, but they carry a sacred potential.
34:07
Michelle Moore: Unfortunately, we often treat strangers with more courtesy than our spouse.
34:13
Michelle Moore: We may stop to greet as a guest at our door, but overlook our partner walking into the same space.
34:20
Michelle Moore: The truth is, those everyday reunions are deeply impactful.
34:25
Michelle Moore: Choosing to greet your spouse warmly each day communicates value and care.
34:30
Michelle Moore: It can change the tone of an entire evening.
34:34
Michelle Moore: If you're reconciling after a busy day, the moment of reconnection matters more than you might think.
34:41
Michelle Moore: A light-hearted goal makes your kids groan at the affection.
34:47
Michelle Moore: If they're expressing mild disgust at how mushy you and your spouse are, you're probably doing something right.
34:54
Michelle Moore: And for those returning home, try offering your first attention to your spouse before checking your phone, flipping the TV, or fessing over the family pet.
35:06
Michelle Moore: These small acts of prioritization build connection over time.
35:11
Michelle Moore: One woman, after unexpectedly losing her husband, once said through the tears while pointing at their front door, I'd give anything to see him walk through that door again just so I could hug him and hold on tight.
35:26
Michelle Moore: Her words remind us not to take these reunions for granted.
35:31
Michelle Moore: Every hello matters.
35:33
Michelle Moore: So instead of letting distractions get the best of you, create intentional boundaries to protect these sacred moments.
35:42
Michelle Moore: Greet each other like you mean it with warmth, affection, and attention.
35:48
Michelle Moore: It might just be the smallest things that makes the biggest difference.
35:53
Daniel Moore: So this week here as we've been talking about these three different ways to connect.
35:59
Daniel Moore: And you know, which as you were reading the last one there, the returning home, that that one is kind of tough because usually by the time we're done at we come home, we're we've been at work all day.
36:24
Daniel Moore: And we've been like today, here recently, you've had tons of screen time at work with your computer.
36:31
Daniel Moore: So it gives me headaches.
36:32
Daniel Moore: You've been getting a lot of headaches here lately, and but you don't have a choice because that's your job.
36:38
Daniel Moore: That's that's what it requires.
36:40
Daniel Moore: And so it's hard for you to walk in the door with that and not being a distraction because you're just ready to sit, close your eyes, and just try to, you know, get rid of this headache and rest your eyeballs and whatever.
36:57
Daniel Moore: The last thing probably on your mind is you know, wrapping me up in this big old hug, being all excited and you know, welcoming me back home and all that kind of thing.
37:07
Daniel Moore: And I get that.
37:08
Daniel Moore: There's times I'm the same way.
37:09
Daniel Moore: You know, I come home exhausted because of all the stuff at work.
37:13
Daniel Moore: You know, I work on a computer a lot, also.
37:15
Daniel Moore: I do a lot of the HR functions that are at where I work at.
37:18
Daniel Moore: So I do the payroll, accounts, receivables, payables, and all that kind of thing.
37:22
Daniel Moore: That requires a lot of computer screen time and it it wears on you after a while.
37:28
Daniel Moore: And so when you finally get to get away from that, get in your vehicle and drive home, and you walk in that door, your first tendency is just to walk up and throw stuff on the counter and empty your pockets and go sit or something, you know.
37:44
Daniel Moore: And you don't, you just not intentional that you do it, but a lot of times we probably don't greet our spouses like we should.
37:52
Daniel Moore: And so, you know, with you and I, we we do eventually, if we don't do it right, we walk in the door, we do get to it eventually because we start talking about each other's day and you know, talking about the different things that took place or whatever.
38:05
Daniel Moore: But, you know, I it just makes me think though, of a lot of the relationships out there of even everybody that's listening right now that may be struggling with this right now, where there's just no interaction, you know, when they come home or when they leave, uh, you know, it's it's just like roommates.
38:24
Daniel Moore: It's what we're talking about here.
38:26
Daniel Moore: And that's that's a type of neglection in your relationship.
38:30
Daniel Moore: And so I I know for myself, you know, I look forward to seeing you when I get home from work.
38:37
Michelle Moore: Same here.
38:38
Daniel Moore: And I look forward to seeing what we're gonna talk about.
38:40
Daniel Moore: And if you when I walk in the door, you you know, say hi, honey, or whatever, you know, and you say something nice to me or whatever, I feel good when you do that.
38:49
Daniel Moore: And I try to, you know, do that for you and hope that you feel good when I do that back.
38:54
Daniel Moore: And of course, we've already talked about when we leave that we are very intentional with that for sure.
39:00
Daniel Moore: And you know, so throughout this pillow talk, uh, when you're leaving for the day or you're leaving to trip or wherever you're going, if you're going to the store, you know, there's there's times that if I'm going to the grocery store to grab something, I'll still walk over to the couch and lean down and you know, give Mish give Michelle a small kiss on the cheek or whatever.
39:19
Daniel Moore: Uh when I get ready to leave to go do that, I just, you know, you just gotta be intentional with all of that and try to remind each other.
39:27
Daniel Moore: We didn't used to do that.
39:30
Michelle Moore: No that is something we have learned to do over time.
39:35
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
39:35
Daniel Moore: And I think that it's some glue that holds us together.
39:38
Michelle Moore: Absolutely.
39:39
Daniel Moore: Because when we didn't do it, it led us down a path we didn't want to walk down.
39:43
Michelle Moore: And I I I mean, me personally, I need that.
39:46
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
39:47
Michelle Moore: I I require that.
39:49
Michelle Moore: Let me just I require, I'm not saying I demand it, but I love the fact that I don't have to come to you and say, could you please do this?
39:59
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
39:59
Michelle Moore: You know my heart and you know my love language.
40:02
Daniel Moore: And you know that you say that, I remember a time when you used to ask me to give you a kiss.
40:06
Daniel Moore: Yep.
40:06
Daniel Moore: Because I never we never did it for the longest time.
40:10
Daniel Moore: And uh goodness, as you talk about this stuff, it makes you remember things.
40:14
Daniel Moore: So yeah, we were in a bad state at one point in time, and no spouse should ever have to ask their spouse, will you ever give me a kiss?
40:23
Daniel Moore: I mean, that's just not right.
40:25
Daniel Moore: Um, that needs to be a normal intentional thing on a regular basis with spouses.
40:30
Michelle Moore: So I I want to read something right quick.
40:33
Daniel Moore: Yeah, go ahead.
40:34
Michelle Moore: So um, most of you know who Craig Rochelle is, and you know, he's the pastor of Life Church, and um, I follow him.
40:42
Michelle Moore: So one of the things he always talks about his wife, he calls her my bride, and I love that.
40:47
Michelle Moore: And uh uh one of the things that he posted one day that said, one of my favorite things to do with my bride isn't glamorous, but it's meaningful.
40:58
Michelle Moore: Almost every day we take a walk.
41:01
Michelle Moore: Sometimes they are filled with deep conversations, other times they are quieter and more about being in each other's presence.
41:10
Michelle Moore: It can be easy to think that you have meaningful connection with your spouse that you need to do, spend a lot of money or do something fancy.
41:20
Michelle Moore: The truth is connection happens when you prioritize your time together, no matter what it looks like.
41:27
Michelle Moore: And I really like that because of everything we've been talking about and everything, but he's right, you know, prioritizing that time no matter what it looks like, whether it may be pillow talk, whether it may be on the back porch, you know, you don't have to spend money.
41:44
Michelle Moore: You can go walk, you can do a picnic, you know.
41:48
Michelle Moore: It's just making sure you prioritize that time and having that meaningful connection.
41:54
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
41:55
Michelle Moore: I really like that.
41:56
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
41:56
Daniel Moore: Anytime that as a spouse we we have to we feel the need to have a conversation with our spouse, no matter what it may be.
42:06
Daniel Moore: Um, us as spouses that are on the other side of that should be willing to accept those moments to sit down and listen.
42:13
Michelle Moore: Oh, and I I just think it's important that you have that.
42:16
Daniel Moore: Yes, it's you know, it's as minuscule as it may seem sometimes, you know, the one spouse may think that it's just was that conversation really necessary?
42:26
Daniel Moore: Well, the other spouse obviously thought it was.
42:29
Daniel Moore: And so that's all that really matters.
42:31
Daniel Moore: If one spouse feels like the conversation that they have needs to happen, and even if it's just for themselves, then you need to be willing to sit down and listen and can and converse and have that conversation, no matter what it is, because uh this is the person that we've agreed to love and to hold on to for the rest of our life.
42:50
Daniel Moore: And the way that you do that is being intentional with the relationship and everything.
42:56
Michelle Moore: Prioritize your time together.
42:58
Daniel Moore: Yep, that's so important.
42:59
Daniel Moore: So as we leave here this week and finish up this episode here on neglect in the marriage, uh, just remember that you do have to set those boundaries sometimes, and those boundaries need to be put in place, and that's likely going to require the establishment of mutually agreed upon limits during sacred moments so that you can give the first and best of your attention to each other, and that way you're not just left giving your leftovers because no spouse deserves that at all.
43:31
Daniel Moore: So the takeaway from this week's episode, and last week's episode, I guess, as we're finishing this one up this week, is that roommates gently neglect each other, soulmates protect sacred moments.
43:44
Daniel Moore: That's our takeaway from this episode.
43:47
Daniel Moore: So that's gonna wrap it up for this week.
43:49
Daniel Moore: We'll be back next week with another episode, we'll be in episode six, and we're gonna be talking about living together, but living alone as separate lives.
44:01
Daniel Moore: That happens quite often in marriages that get to this roommate status, and we'll start that episode next week.
44:09
Daniel Moore: Well, as we leave this week, as we always say, we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer after this episode.
44:17
Daniel Moore: This is an extension of Connecting to Gap Ministries, and we pray that you have a blessed week.