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Loving God in Life’s Biggest Disappointments · Pastor John Piper's answers

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  Speaker 1: Psalm thirty seventy four makes to us a very sweet promise.
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  Speaker 1: If you delight yourself in the Lord, he will give
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  Speaker 1: you the desires of your heart. But what happens when
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  Speaker 1: you are doing that? You're seeking him, praying to him,
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  Speaker 1: following him, trusting him, even delighting in him by faith,
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  Speaker 1: and those deep desires, those desires for good things in
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  Speaker 1: this life go unmet. That's where we find ourselves often,
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  Speaker 1: that's where creation finds itself, always groaning in this unfulfilled
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  Speaker 1: desire that we read about in Romans eight twenty two.
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  Speaker 1: So how do we live by faith when we have
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  Speaker 1: to live with life's disappointments as well? That's where we're
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  Speaker 1: headed today in this email from an anonymous woman, Pastor John,
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  Speaker 1: thank you for the ways you've encouraged my heart over
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  Speaker 1: the years. I rediscovered your ministry five years ago, but
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  Speaker 1: my journey was suffering began long before that. Twenty years ago,
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  Speaker 1: I was in a severe car wreck that left me
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  Speaker 1: in a four month non drug induced coma. I spent
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  Speaker 1: the next decade in therapy, relearning how to walk, talk,
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  Speaker 1: and even swallow three times a week across three states
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  Speaker 1: for ten years. Now, at fifty two I walk with
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  Speaker 1: a cane, but look normal, no visible scars except for
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  Speaker 1: a trake scar. For years, I believed I was being
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  Speaker 1: refined for someone, that this suffering would lead to a
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  Speaker 1: godly marriage. But I've never even been kissed. I've prayed
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  Speaker 1: for years to be seen as a woman, not just
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  Speaker 1: my mother's daughter. Yet it feels like God has not answered.
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  Speaker 1: Does this mean I've been refined only for him? How
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  Speaker 1: do I trust? Ask and it will be given to you?
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  Speaker 1: When my deepest longing remains unmet? Am I misunderstanding God's promises?
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  Speaker 1: My faith is wavering, and I don't know how to
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  Speaker 1: keep believing.
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  Speaker 2: I think it will be helpful to say that this
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  Speaker 2: woman's experience is a deep intensification of a very common experience.
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  Speaker 2: What makes it such a deep intensification is the accident,
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  Speaker 2: the coma, the ten years of rebuilding a whole life,
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  Speaker 2: the arrival of some sense of normalcy now in her fifties.
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  Speaker 2: And what makes it so very common is that millions
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  Speaker 2: of younger and older women are finding a way for
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  Speaker 2: themselves in life as unmarried persons when they have a
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  Speaker 2: deep longing for a good man to find them attractive
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  Speaker 2: and to want to build a life together, She asks,
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  Speaker 2: Does this mean I've been refined only for God? How
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  Speaker 2: do I trust the promise? Ask and it will be given?
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  Speaker 2: When my deepest longing remains unmet? Am I misunderstanding God's promises?
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  Speaker 2: My faith is wavering. I don't know how to keep believing.
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  Speaker 2: I have in my mind women in our church who
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  Speaker 2: have been heroes of mine over the years past forty
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  Speaker 2: years or so that I've known women like this. I
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  Speaker 2: think of two, for example, Shar Ransom and Ruth Ravenhorst,
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  Speaker 2: both of whom are in heaven now, and we're single
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  Speaker 2: all their lives into their seventies and eighties, so I
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  Speaker 2: knew them for the last thirty plus years of their
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  Speaker 2: lives and were known in our church as two of
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  Speaker 2: the most sacrificial, loving, giving, happy, fruitful servants of Christ,
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  Speaker 2: one a public school teacher or the other nurse mid life.
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  Speaker 2: Their lifelong singleness was not because they did not desire
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  Speaker 2: to be married. Shar used to joke, no man deserves
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  Speaker 2: to be as happy as I could make him if
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  Speaker 2: I laughed, and they knew there was way more to
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  Speaker 2: it than that. We all know the promises that make
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  Speaker 2: us ache. Ask and you shall receive, delight yourself in
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  Speaker 2: the Lord, and He'll give you the desires of your heart.
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  Speaker 2: No good thing does he withhold from those who walk
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  Speaker 2: up rightly. There's not one Christian man or woman, single
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  Speaker 2: or married, who does not have a deep desire that
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  Speaker 2: God has not yet fulfilled. Some health issue, some marital pain,
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  Speaker 2: some unbelieving child, some unfulfilled dream. Everybody has one of
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  Speaker 2: these or ten. And this does not mean that our
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  Speaker 2: experience contradicts the Bible, because the Bible itself portrays Paul,
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  Speaker 2: for example, with the thorn in the flesh, as he
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  Speaker 2: pleads three times with Christ that he would take it away,
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  Speaker 2: and Christ says no, because his glory is going to
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  Speaker 2: be magnified through it. And so Paul is content. That's
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  Speaker 2: his word. He's content with his unfulfilled desire because he
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  Speaker 2: loves the glory of Christ more than he loves the
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  Speaker 2: absence of the thorn. And so paradoxically, there's a sense
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  Speaker 2: in which he got what he most wanted, a life
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  Speaker 2: that magnifies the worth of Jesus. That's really worth thinking
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  Speaker 2: about a long time. I think that's the answer to
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  Speaker 2: most of what we call unfulfilled promises or unanswered prayers.
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  Speaker 2: Christ is saying, if you will trust me, you will
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  Speaker 2: experience myn know ormight not yet as a deeper soul
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  Speaker 2: satisfaction than if I had said yes to your way
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  Speaker 2: and your timing. Now at this point I could pull out,
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  Speaker 2: I suppose from the Bible and from Church history lots
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  Speaker 2: of beautiful examples of fruitful single women Isaiah fifty six
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  Speaker 2: and verse Grinton seven, and Amy Carmichael and Mary Slessor
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  Speaker 2: and Gladys Elbert and Lottie Moon and Betsy Stockton. But instead,
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  Speaker 2: I think it will be more helpful to ponder, for
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  Speaker 2: just a moment, what it's like to actually live with
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  Speaker 2: unfulfilled desires, because that's where we all live, some more
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  Speaker 2: painfully than others. There are millions of unmarried women, younger
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  Speaker 2: and older, who deep down feel I would love for
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  Speaker 2: a good and worthy man to find me, a true
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  Speaker 2: active and get to know me and say to me,
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  Speaker 2: I would like to build a life with you till
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  Speaker 2: death do us part. So how then do we live
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  Speaker 2: year after year, prayer after prayer, while those kinds of
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  Speaker 2: desires are not met. First, I would say that we
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  Speaker 2: all must learn to cast our burden on the Lord
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  Speaker 2: every day every day, not just once, and let him
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  Speaker 2: carry the weight of our unfulfilled desires. He said, cast
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  Speaker 2: your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you.
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  Speaker 2: Psalm fifty five twenty two. Unfulfilled desires are a burden.
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  Speaker 2: They are a heavy burden. If we try to carry
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  Speaker 2: them alone, they will crush us. That's the point of
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  Speaker 2: that text. Don't do that. Roll it onto the Lord.
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  Speaker 2: That's an act of faith every morning. So every day
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  Speaker 2: we must get up in the morning and say to God,
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  Speaker 2: you know, Father, how my heart aches for this. You
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  Speaker 2: fell in the blank. We're talking about marriage, but you
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  Speaker 2: feel in the blank. My heart aches for this. I
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  Speaker 2: do not see it on the horizon. But you are good,
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  Speaker 2: you are wise, You love me. You sent Christ to
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  Speaker 2: die for me. You do not withhold from me what
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  Speaker 2: is best for me. I roll the burden of this
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  Speaker 2: desire onto you again this morning. Now, help me show
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  Speaker 2: me how to walk in freedom. That's first. The second
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  Speaker 2: thing I would say is that we must get rid
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  Speaker 2: of the idea that we need to communicate the sadness
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  Speaker 2: of our longing to others so that people will realize
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  Speaker 2: our pain. That's a terrible temptation. It is so immature.
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  Speaker 2: I have tasted this immaturity in my life right into adulthood.
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  Speaker 2: I intensely repudiate it, and I plead with you to
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  Speaker 2: do the same. Don't fall into the immature pattern of
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  Speaker 2: believing that pouting is the best way to let people
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  Speaker 2: know you have not gotten what you want. That's a
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  Speaker 2: deeply immature and counterproductive way to live. To carry your
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  Speaker 2: sorrows on your sleeve, and to try to somehow communicate
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  Speaker 2: to others how hard life is because you have not
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  Speaker 2: gotten what you so deeply long for. Instead, discover this,
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  Speaker 2: it is possible for a mature woman or man to
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  Speaker 2: acknowledge to God and to oneself, and perhaps to a
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  Speaker 2: few close confidants, the deep longings that are not yet fulfilled,
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  Speaker 2: and yet carry on a joyful life, finding a fulfilling job,
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  Speaker 2: satisfying ministry, rewarding friendships, delightful leisure, stupendous Christian hope of
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  Speaker 2: being with Christ forever, all the while tasting what it
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  Speaker 2: would be like for another godly desire to be met
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  Speaker 2: which isn't being met. That means there may be a
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  Speaker 2: melancholy note in the symphony of your life, but it
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  Speaker 2: will not be perceived as pouting or as oh poor me,
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  Speaker 2: please recognize my pain by mature people, it will be
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  Speaker 2: perceived by discerning people that you have tasted sorrow and
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  Speaker 2: you have learned how to live with it without dragging
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  Speaker 2: other people down. So let's help each other. That's what
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  Speaker 2: we do in the church, right Let's help each other
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  Speaker 2: in both directions. Let's help each other live with unfulfilled
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  Speaker 2: desires with God's help, and let's help each other meet
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  Speaker 2: those unfulfilled desires where we can with God's help.
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  Speaker 1: The bestor John is realistic and hopeful. A lot of
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  Speaker 1: great Bible techs in this episode, the very same Bible
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  Speaker 1: techs that have come up on the podcast over the years.
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  Speaker 1: Whenever we look at disability, or we look at chronic fatigue,
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  Speaker 1: anything that makes us feel like failures. You'll see the
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  Speaker 1: overlap in this episode and in those other themes and
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  Speaker 1: the APJA book on pages three sixty five to three
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  Speaker 1: ninety four. I would commend that to you if you
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  Speaker 1: want a deep brief of sort of where we've been
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  Speaker 1: on the podcast over the years, looking at these challenges,
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  Speaker 1: these life disappointments, and what God has to say and
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  Speaker 1: is a word to sustain us in them. Speaking of suffering,
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  Speaker 1: we could say that God allows suffering into our lives.
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  Speaker 1: That's true, But what if He's actually intentionally designing the
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  Speaker 1: suffering in our lives, not just per omitting it. Well,
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  Speaker 1: that's also true. So why, John Piper, do you focus
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  Speaker 1: so much on God's sovereignty in bringing pain into our lives.
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  Speaker 1: It's a pushback question from a listener, and it's up next.
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  Speaker 1: I'm Tony Ranky, See you on Monday.