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009 - Archibald's Benefit · Selected Short Stories

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Speaker 1: Chapter nine of The Man Upstairs and Other Stories. This
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Speaker 1: is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the
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Speaker 1: public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit
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Speaker 1: LibriVox dot org. Recording by Mike Harris. The Man Upstairs
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Speaker 1: by P. G. Woodhouse, Chapter nine, Archibald's Benefit. Archibald Meeeling
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Speaker 1: was one of those golfers in whom desire outruns performance.
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Speaker 1: Nobody could have been more willing than Archibald. He tried,
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Speaker 1: and he tried very hard. Every morning, before he took
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Speaker 1: his bath, he'd stand in front of his mirror and
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Speaker 1: practice swings. Every night before he went to bed, he'd
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Speaker 1: read the golden words of some master on the subject
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Speaker 1: of potting, driving, or approaching. Yet on the links, most
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Speaker 1: of his time was spent in retrieving lost balls or
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Speaker 1: replacing pieces of American Whither it was that Archibald pressed
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Speaker 1: too much or pressed too little, Whether it was that
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Speaker 1: his club deviated from the dotted line which joined the
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Speaker 1: two points A and B in the illustrated plate of
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Speaker 1: the man making the brassy shot in the Hints on
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Speaker 1: Golf book, or whither it was that he was pursued
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Speaker 1: by some malignant fate. I do not know. Archibald rather
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Speaker 1: favored the last theory. The important point is that in
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Speaker 1: his thirty first year, after six seasons of untiring effort,
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Speaker 1: Archibald went in for a championship and won it. Archibald,
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Speaker 1: mark you, whose golf was a kind of blend of hockey,
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Speaker 1: Swedish drill and buck and wing dancing. I know the
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Speaker 1: ordeal I must face when I make such a statement.
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Speaker 1: I see clearly before me the solid phalanx of men
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Speaker 1: from Missouri, some urging me to tell it to the
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Speaker 1: King of Denmark, others insisting that I produce my eskimos. Nevertheless,
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Speaker 1: I do not shrink. I state once more that in
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Speaker 1: his thirty first year, Archibald Mealing went in for a
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Speaker 1: golf championship and won it. Archibald belonged to a select
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Speaker 1: little golf club, the members of which lived and worked
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Speaker 1: in New York, but played in New Jersey. Men of substance,
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Speaker 1: financially as well as physically. They had combined their superfluous
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Speaker 1: cash and with it purchased a strip of land close
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Speaker 1: to the sea. This land had been drained to the
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Speaker 1: huge discomfort of a colony of mosquitoes who had come
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Speaker 1: to look on the place as their own private property
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Speaker 1: and converted it into lynks, which had become a sort
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Speaker 1: of refuge for incompetent golfers. The members of the Cape
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Speaker 1: Pleasant Club were easy going refugees from other and more
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Speaker 1: exacting clubs, men who pottered rather than raced round of
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Speaker 1: the lynx. Men in short, who had grown tired of
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Speaker 1: having to stop their game and stand aside in order
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Speaker 1: to allow perspiring experts to whiz past them. The Cape
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Speaker 1: Pleasant golfers did not make themselves slaves to the game.
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Speaker 1: Their language when they foozled was gently regretful rather than sulfurous.
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Speaker 1: The moment in the day's play which they enjoyed most
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Speaker 1: was when they were set well, here's luck in the clubhouse.
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Speaker 1: It will therefore be readily understood that Archibald's inabilitateor do
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Speaker 1: a hole in single figures did not handicap him at
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Speaker 1: Cape Pleasant as it might have done at Saint Andrew's.
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Speaker 1: His kindly clubmates took him to their bosoms to a man,
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Speaker 1: and looked on him as a brother. Archibald's was one
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Speaker 1: of those admirable natures which prompted the possessor frequently to
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Speaker 1: remark these are on me, and his fellow golfers were
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Speaker 1: not slow to appreciate the fact they all loved Archibald.
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Speaker 1: Archibald was on the floor of his bedroom one afternoon,
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Speaker 1: picking up the fragments of his mirror. A friend had
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Speaker 1: advised him to practice the Walter J. Travis Lofting shot.
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Speaker 1: When the telephone bell rang, he took up the receiver
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Speaker 1: and was hailed by the comfortable voice of Mackay, the
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Speaker 1: club secretary. Is that meeeling, asked Mackay. Say Archie, I'm
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Speaker 1: putting your name down for our championship competition. That's right,
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Speaker 1: isn't it? Sure, said Archibald. When does it start next Saturday? Oh?
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Speaker 1: That's me. Good for you. Oh oh oh, Archie. Hello,
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Speaker 1: A man I met to day told me you were engaged.
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Speaker 1: Is that a fact? Sure, murmured Archibald blushfully. The wire
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Speaker 1: hummed with Mackay's congratulations. Oh thanks, says Archibald. Thanks, o man.
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Speaker 1: What oh oh, yes, Milsom's her name. By the way,
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Speaker 1: her family have taken a cottage at Cape Pleasant for
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Speaker 1: the summer, some distance from the Lynx. Very convenient, isn't it. Goodbye?
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Speaker 1: Archibald hung up the receiver and resumed his task of
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Speaker 1: gathering up the fragments. Now Mackay happened to be of
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Speaker 1: a romantic and sentimental nature. He was, by profession a
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Speaker 1: chartered accountant and inclined to be stout, and all rather
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Speaker 1: stout charted accountants are sentimental. Mackay was a sort of
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Speaker 1: man who keeps old ball programs in bundles of letters
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Speaker 1: tied round with lilac ribbon at country houses, where they
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Speaker 1: lingered in the porch after dinner to watch them moonlight
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Speaker 1: flooding the quiet garden. It was Mackay and his colleague
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Speaker 1: who lingered longest. Mackay knew ellow Wheeler Wincox by heart,
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Speaker 1: and could take browning without anesthetics. It's not to be
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Speaker 1: wondered at, therefore, that Archibald's re mark about his fiancee
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Speaker 1: coming to live at Cape Pleasant should give him food
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Speaker 1: for thought. It appealed to him. He reflected on it
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Speaker 1: a good deal during the day, and running across sigsby
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Speaker 1: a fellow Cape pleasanterer, after dinner that night at the
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Speaker 1: Cybrights Club, he spoke of the matter to him. It
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Speaker 1: so happened that both had dined excellently, and looking on
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Speaker 1: the world with a sort of cozy benevolence. They were
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Speaker 1: in the mood when men pat small boys on the
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Speaker 1: head and ask him if they mean to be president
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Speaker 1: when they grow up, said Mackay. I called up Archie
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Speaker 1: kneeling to day. Do you know he was engaged? I
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Speaker 1: did hear something about it? Girl of the name of
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Speaker 1: Wilson or Milsom, she's going to spend the summer at
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Speaker 1: Cape Pleasant, Archie tells me, well, then she'll have a
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Speaker 1: chance of seeing him play in the championship competition. Mackay
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Speaker 1: sucked his cigar in silence for a while, watching with
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Speaker 1: dreamy eyes the blue smoke as it curled ceiling with
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Speaker 1: Then when he spoke, his voice was singularly soft. Do
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Speaker 1: you know, Sigsby, he said, sipping his maraschino with a
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Speaker 1: gentle melancholy. Do you know there's something wonderfully pathetic to
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Speaker 1: me in this business? I see the whole thing so clearly.
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Speaker 1: There was a kind of quiver in the poor old
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Speaker 1: Chap's voice when he said she is coming to Kay Pleasant,
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Speaker 1: which told me more than any words could have done
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Speaker 1: to tragedy in its way. Sixby, we may smile at it,
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Speaker 1: think it trivial, but it is none the less a tragedy.
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Speaker 1: That warm hearted, enthusiastic girl, all eagerness to see the
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Speaker 1: man she loves do well, Archie, poor old Archie, all
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Speaker 1: on fire to prove to her that her trust in
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Speaker 1: him is not misplaced. In the end, disillusionment, disappointment, unhappiness.
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Speaker 1: He ought to keep his eye on the ball, said
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Speaker 1: the more practical Sigsby, quite possibly, continued Mackay. He has
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Speaker 1: told her that he will win this championship if Archie's
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Speaker 1: mut enough to have told her that, says Sigsby. Decidedly,
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Speaker 1: he deserves all he gets. Walter two Scotch high balls.
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Speaker 1: Mackay was in no mood to subscribe to this stony
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Speaker 1: hearted view, I tell you, he said. I'm sorry for Archie,
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Speaker 1: I am sorry for the poor old Chap, and I'm
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Speaker 1: more than sorry for the girl. Well, I don't see
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Speaker 1: what we can do, said Sixby. We can hardly be
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Speaker 1: expected to foozle on purpose just to let Archie show
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Speaker 1: off before his girl. Mackay paused in the act of
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Speaker 1: lighting his cigar as once smitten with a great thought.
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Speaker 1: Why not? He said, why not? Sixby SIXB You've hit it, eh,
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Speaker 1: you have, I tell you Sixby, You've solved the whole thing.
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Speaker 1: Archie is such a bully, good fellow. Why not give
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Speaker 1: him a bit of it? Why not let him win
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Speaker 1: this championship. You aren't going to tell me that you
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Speaker 1: care whether you win a tin medal or not. Sigsby's
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Speaker 1: benevolence was expanding under the influence of the Scotch high
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Speaker 1: ball and his cigar. Little acts of kindness on Archie's part.
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Speaker 1: Here a cigar, there, a lunch at another time. Seats
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Speaker 1: for the theater began to rise to the surface of
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Speaker 1: his memory like rainbow colored bubbles. He wavered, yes, But
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Speaker 1: what about the rest of the men, Sigby said, There'll
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Speaker 1: be dozen of more in for the medal. Oh, we
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Speaker 1: can square them, said Mackay. Confidently. We will broach the
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Speaker 1: matter to them at a series of dinners at which
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Speaker 1: we will be joint hosts. They are white men, will
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Speaker 1: be charmed to do a little thing like that for
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Speaker 1: a sport like Archie. How about gossip, said Sigsby. Mackay's
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Speaker 1: voice clouded. Gossip was an unpopular subject with members of
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Speaker 1: the Cape Pleasant Golf Club. He was the serpent in
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Speaker 1: their eden. Nobody seemed quite to know how he got in,
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Speaker 1: but they're un fortunately he was. Gossip had introduced himTo
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Speaker 1: kpe pleasant golf, a cheerless atmosphere of the rigor of
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Speaker 1: the game. It was to enable them to avoid just
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Speaker 1: such golfers as Gossip that the Cape Pleasanters had founded
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Speaker 1: their club. Genial courtesy, rather than strict attention to the rules,
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Speaker 1: had been the leading characteristics of their play till his arrival.
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Speaker 1: Up to that time, it had been looked on as
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Speaker 1: a rather bad form to exact a penalty. A cheery
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Speaker 1: give and take system had prevailed. Then Gossip had come
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Speaker 1: full of strange rules and created about the same stir
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Speaker 1: in the community which a hawk would create in a
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Speaker 1: gathering of middle aged doves. You can't square Gossip, said Sigsby.
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Speaker 1: Mackay looked unhappy, and I forgot him, he said. Of course,
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Speaker 1: nothing will stop him trying to win. I wish we
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Speaker 1: could think of something. I would almost as soon see
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Speaker 1: him lose as Archie win. But after all he does
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Speaker 1: have off day. Sometimes you need to have a very
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Speaker 1: off day to be as bad as Archie. They sat
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Speaker 1: and smoked in silence. I've got it, said Sixby. Suddenly.
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Speaker 1: Gossip is a fine golfer, but nervous. If we upset
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Speaker 1: his nerves enough, he'll go right off his stroke. Couldn't
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Speaker 1: we think of some way? Mackay reached out for his glass.
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Speaker 1: Yours is a noble nature, Sigsby, he said, Oh, no,
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Speaker 1: said the paragon, modestly have another cigar, in order that
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Speaker 1: the reader may get the mental half. Nelson on the
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Speaker 1: plot of this narrative, which is so essential if a
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Speaker 1: short story is to charm, elevate, and instruct. It is
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Speaker 1: necessary now for the nonce, but only for the nonce
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Speaker 1: to inspect Archie's past life. Archibald, as he had stated
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Speaker 1: to Mackay, was engaged to a Miss Milsom, Miss Margaret Milsom.
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Speaker 1: How few men, dear reader, are engaged to girls with
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Speaker 1: felt figures, brown hair and large, blue eyes, now sparkling
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Speaker 1: and vivacious, now dreamy and so but always large and blue.
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Speaker 1: How few I say you are a dear reader, and
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Speaker 1: so am I? But who else? Archibald was one of
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Speaker 1: the few who happened to be He was happy. It
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Speaker 1: is true that Margaret's mother was not, as it were,
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Speaker 1: wrapped up in him. She exhibited none of that evervescent
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Speaker 1: joy at his appearance, which we liked to see in
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Speaker 1: our mothers in law. Elect On the contrary, she generally
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Speaker 1: cried bitterly whenever she saw him, and at the end
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Speaker 1: of ten minutes was apt to retire, sobbing to her room,
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Speaker 1: where she remained in a state of semi coma till
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Speaker 1: an advanced hour. She was, by way of being a
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Speaker 1: confirmed invalid, and something about Archibald seemed to get right
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Speaker 1: in among her nerve centers, reducing them for the time
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Speaker 1: being to a complicated hash. She did not like Archibald,
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Speaker 1: she said, she liked big manly men. Behind his back,
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Speaker 1: she not infrequently referred to him as a gabby, sometimes
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Speaker 1: even as that guffin. She did not do this to Margaret,
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Speaker 1: for Margaret, besides being blue eyed, was also a shade
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Speaker 1: quick tempered. Whenever missus Milsom discussed Archibald, it was with
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Speaker 1: her son Stuyvesant. Stuyvesant Milsom, who thought Archibald a bit
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Speaker 1: of an ass, was always ready to sit and listen
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Speaker 1: to his mother on the subject. It being, however, an
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Speaker 1: understood thing that at the conclusion of the seance, she
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Speaker 1: yielded one or two saffron colored builds towards his racing debts.
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Speaker 1: But Stuyvesant, having developed a habit of backing horses which
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Speaker 1: either did not start at all or else sat down
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Speaker 1: and thought in the middle of the race, could always
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Speaker 1: do with ten dollars or so. His prices for these
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Speaker 1: interviews worked out, as a rule, not about three cents
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Speaker 1: a word. In these circumstances, it was perhaps natural that
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Speaker 1: Archibald and Margaret should prefer to meet when they did
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Speaker 1: meet at some other spot than the milsomb home. It
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Speaker 1: suited them both better that they should arrange a secret
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Speaker 1: tryst on these occasions. Archibald preferred it because being in
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Speaker 1: the same room with Missus milsom Or always made him
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Speaker 1: feel like a murderer with particularly large feet. And Margaret
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Speaker 1: preferred it because, as she told Archibald, these secret meetings
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Speaker 1: lent a touch of poetry to what might otherwise have
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Speaker 1: been a commonplace engagement. Archibald thought this charming, but at
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Speaker 1: the same time he could not conceal from himself the
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Speaker 1: fact that Margaret's passion for the poetic cut so to speak.
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Speaker 1: Both ways. He admired and loved the loftiness of her soul,
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Speaker 1: but on the other hand, it was a tough job
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Speaker 1: having to live up to it. For Archibald was a
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Speaker 1: very ordinary young man. They had tried to inoculate him
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Speaker 1: with the love of poetry at school, but it had
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Speaker 1: not taken until he was thirty. He had been satisfied
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Speaker 1: to class all poetry except that of mister George Cohen
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Speaker 1: under the general heading of punk. Then he met Margaret,
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Speaker 1: and the trouble began. On the day he first met
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Speaker 1: her at a picnic, she looked so soulful, so aloof
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Speaker 1: from this world, that he had felt instinctively that here
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Speaker 1: was a girl who expected more from a man than
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Speaker 1: a mere statement of the weather was great. It so
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Speaker 1: chanced that he knew just one quotation from the classics
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Speaker 1: to wit Tennyson's critique of the island Valley of Avillon.
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Speaker 1: He knew this because he had had the passage to
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Speaker 1: write out one hundred and fifty times at school on
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Speaker 1: the occasion of his being caught smoking by one of
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Speaker 1: the faculty, who happened to be a passionate admirer of
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Speaker 1: the idols of the King. A remark of Margaret's that
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Speaker 1: it was a splendid day for a picnic, and that
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Speaker 1: the country looked nice gave him his opportunity. It reminds me,
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Speaker 1: he said, It reminds me strongly the island valley of Avillon,
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Speaker 1: where falls not hail or rain or any snow or
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Speaker 1: ever wind blows loudly, but it lies deep, meadowed, happy, fair,
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Speaker 1: with orchard lawns. He broke off here to squash a hornet,
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Speaker 1: but Margaret had heard enough. Are you fond of the poets,
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Speaker 1: mister meeling, she said, with a far off look. Me,
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Speaker 1: said Archibald, fervently, me why I eat em alive? And
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Speaker 1: that was how all the trouble had started. It had
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Speaker 1: meant unremitting toil for Archibald. He felt it he had
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Speaker 1: set himself a standard from which he must not fall.
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Speaker 1: He bought every new volume of poetry which was praised
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Speaker 1: in the press, and learned the reviews by heart. Every
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Speaker 1: evening he read painfully a portion of the classics. He
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Speaker 1: plodded through the poetry sections of Bartlet's familiar quotations. Margaret's
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Speaker 1: devotion to the various bards was so enthusiastic, and her
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Speaker 1: reading so wide, that there were times when Archibald wondered
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Speaker 1: if he could endure the strain. But he persevered heroically
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Speaker 1: and so far had not been found wanting ah, but
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Speaker 1: the strain was fearful. The early stages of became pleasant
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Speaker 1: golf tournament need no detailed description. The rules of match
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Speaker 1: play governed the contests, and Archibald disposed of his first
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Speaker 1: three opponents before the twelfth hole. He had been definite
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Speaker 1: when he teed off with Mackay in the first round,
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Speaker 1: but finding that he defeated the secretary with ease, he
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Speaker 1: met one Butler in the second round with more confidence,
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Speaker 1: Butler too he routed, with the result that by the
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Speaker 1: time he faced sixby in round three, he was practically
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Speaker 1: the conquering hero. Fortune seemed to be beaming upon him
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Speaker 1: with almost insipid sweetness. When he was trapped in the
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Speaker 1: bunker of the seventh hole. Sigsby became trapped as well
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Speaker 1: when he sliced at the sixth tee. Sigsby pulled an Archibald,
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Speaker 1: striking a brilliant vein, did the next three holes in eleven,
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Speaker 1: nine and twelve, and romping home qualified for the final.
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Speaker 1: Gossip that Serpent, meanwhile, had beaten each of his three
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Speaker 1: opponents without much difficulty. The final was fixed for the
16:42
Speaker 1: following Thursday morning. Gossitt, who was a broker, had made
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Speaker 1: some frivolous objection about the difficulty of absenting himself from
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Speaker 1: Wall Street, but had been overruled when Sigsby pointed out
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Speaker 1: that he could easily defeat Archibald and get to the
16:55
Speaker 1: city by lunch time if he wished, and that in
16:58
Speaker 1: any case his partner would be looking after things. He
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Speaker 1: allowed himself to be persuaded, though reluctantly. It was a
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Speaker 1: well known fact that Gossip was in the midst of
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Speaker 1: some rather sizeable deals at that time. Thursday morning suited
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Speaker 1: Archibald admirably. It had occurred to him that he could
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Speaker 1: bring off a double event. Margaret had arrived at Cape
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Speaker 1: Pleasant on the previous evening, and he had arranged by
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Speaker 1: telephone to meet her at the end of the boardwalk,
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Speaker 1: which was about a mile from the Lynks, at one
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Speaker 1: o'clock supplier with lunch, and spend the afternoon with her
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Speaker 1: on the water. If he started his match with Gossip
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Speaker 1: at eleven thirty, he would have plenty of time to
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Speaker 1: have his game and be at the end of the
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Speaker 1: boardwalk at the appointed hour. He had no delusions about
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Speaker 1: the respective merits of Gossip and himself. As golfers, he
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Speaker 1: knew that Gossip would win the necessary ten holes off
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Speaker 1: the reel. It was saddening, but it was a scientific fact.
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Speaker 1: There was no avoiding it. One simply had to face it.
17:52
Speaker 1: Having laid these plans, he caught the train on the
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Speaker 1: Thursday morning with the consoling feeling that however sadly the
17:57
Speaker 1: morning might begin, it was bound to end well. Well.
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Speaker 1: The day was fine, the sun warm but tempered with
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Speaker 1: a light breeze. One or two of the club had
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Speaker 1: come to watch the match, among them Sigsby. Sigsby drew
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Speaker 1: Gossip aside. You must let me carry for you, old man,
18:14
Speaker 1: he said. I I know your temperaments so exactly. I
18:16
Speaker 1: know how little it takes to put you off your stroke.
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Speaker 1: In an ordinary game, you might take one of these boys,
18:22
Speaker 1: I know. But on an important occasion like this you
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Speaker 1: must not risk it. A grubby boy, probably with a squint,
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Speaker 1: would almost certainly get on your nerves. He might even
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Speaker 1: make comments on the game or whistle that. I understand you.
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Speaker 1: You must let me carry your clubs. It's very good
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Speaker 1: of yours, said Gossip. Oh not at all, said Sigsby.
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Speaker 1: Archibald was now preparing to drive off from the first tea.
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Speaker 1: He did this with great care. Everyone who has seen
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Speaker 1: Archibald Mealing play golf knows that his teeing off is
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Speaker 1: one of the most impressive sights ever witnessed. On the lynx,
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Speaker 1: he tilted his cap over his eyes, waggled his club
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Speaker 1: a little, shifted his feet, waggled his club some more,
19:04
Speaker 1: gazed keenly toward the horizon for a moment, waggled his
19:07
Speaker 1: club again, and finally, with the air of a strong man,
19:11
Speaker 1: lifting a bar of iron, raised it slowly above his head,
19:15
Speaker 1: then bringing it down with a sweep. He drove the
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Speaker 1: ball with a lofty slice some fifty yards. It was
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Speaker 1: rarely that he failed either to slice or pull his ball.
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Speaker 1: His progress from hole to hole was generally a majestic zigzag.
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Speaker 1: Gossip's drive took him well on the way to the green.
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Speaker 1: He holed out in five. Archibald, mournful but not surprised,
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Speaker 1: made his way to the second tea. The second hole
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Speaker 1: was shorter, Gossip won it in three, the third he
19:44
Speaker 1: took in six, the fourth in four. Archibald began to
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Speaker 1: feel he might just as well not be there. He
19:51
Speaker 1: was practically a spectator at this point. He reached in
19:54
Speaker 1: his pocket for his tobacco pouch to console himself with smoke.
19:59
Speaker 1: To his dismay, he found and it was not there.
20:01
Speaker 1: He had had it on the train, but now it
20:03
Speaker 1: had vanished. This added to his gloom, for the pouch
20:05
Speaker 1: had been given to him by Margaret, and he had
20:08
Speaker 1: always thought it one more proof of the way her
20:10
Speaker 1: nature towered over the natures of other girls. That she
20:13
Speaker 1: had not woven a monogram on it. In Forget Me nots,
20:17
Speaker 1: This record pouch was missing, an Archibald mourned for the loss.
20:22
Speaker 1: The sorrows were not alleviated by the fact that Gossipt
20:24
Speaker 1: won the fifth and sixth holes. It was now a
20:28
Speaker 1: quarter past twelve, and Archibald reflected with moody satisfaction that
20:32
Speaker 1: the massacre must soon be over, and that he would
20:35
Speaker 1: then be able to forget it in the society of Margaret.
20:39
Speaker 1: As Gossip was about to drive off from the seventh Tea,
20:41
Speaker 1: a telegraph boy approached the little group. Mister Gossip, he said.
20:46
Speaker 1: Gossipt lowered his driver and wheeled round, but Sigsby had
20:49
Speaker 1: snatched the envelope from the boy's hand. It's all right,
20:52
Speaker 1: old man, he said, Go right ahead. I'll keep it
20:54
Speaker 1: safe for you. Give it to me, said Gossip anxiously.
20:57
Speaker 1: It may be from the office, something may have happened
20:59
Speaker 1: to the mark I may be needed. No, no, no, no,
21:03
Speaker 1: no no, said Sigsby soothingly. Don't you worry about it.
21:06
Speaker 1: Better not open it. It might have something in it
21:09
Speaker 1: that would put you off your stroke. Wait till the
21:11
Speaker 1: end of the game. Give it to me. I want
21:13
Speaker 1: to see it. Sigsby was firm. No, no, no, no, no,
21:18
Speaker 1: he said, I'm here to see you win this championship,
21:21
Speaker 1: and I won't have you taking any risks. Besides, even
21:24
Speaker 1: it was important, a few minutes won't make any difference. Well,
21:27
Speaker 1: at any rate, open it and read it. It's probably
21:30
Speaker 1: in ciphers, said Sixby. I wouldn't understand it. Play on,
21:33
Speaker 1: old man, You've only a few more holes to win.
21:36
Speaker 1: Gossipt turned and addressed his ball again. Then he swung
21:40
Speaker 1: the club, tipped the ball and rolled sluggishly for a
21:43
Speaker 1: couple of feet. Archibald approached the tea. Now there were
21:48
Speaker 1: moments when Archibald could drive quite decently. He always applied
21:52
Speaker 1: a considerable amount of muscular force to his efforts. It
21:55
Speaker 1: was in that direction. As a rule he erred on
21:58
Speaker 1: this occasion, whether inspired by his rival's failure or merely
22:02
Speaker 1: favored by chance, he connected with his ball at precisely
22:05
Speaker 1: the right moment. It flew from the tee straight, hard
22:09
Speaker 1: and low, struck the ground near the green, bounded on,
22:13
Speaker 1: and finally rocked to within a foot of the hole.
22:17
Speaker 1: No such long ball had been driven on the cape
22:19
Speaker 1: lessoned links since their foundation. That it should have taken
22:23
Speaker 1: him three strokes to hold out from this promising position
22:26
Speaker 1: was unfortunate, but not fatal for Gossett, who seemed suddenly
22:29
Speaker 1: to have fallen off his game, only reached the green
22:32
Speaker 1: in seven. A moment later, a murmur of approval signified
22:36
Speaker 1: the fact that Archibald had won his first hole. Mister Gossett,
22:41
Speaker 1: said a voice. Those murmuring approval observed that the telegraph
22:44
Speaker 1: boy was once more in their midst. This time he
22:47
Speaker 1: bore two missives sixby dexterously impounded both. No, no, no,
22:51
Speaker 1: he said, with decision. I absolutely refused to let you
22:54
Speaker 1: look at them till the game is over. I know
22:56
Speaker 1: your temperament. Gossip gesticulated, but they must be important. They
23:01
Speaker 1: must come from my office. Where else would I get
23:03
Speaker 1: a stream of telegrams. Something has gone wrong. I'm urgently needed.
23:08
Speaker 1: Sigxby nodded gravely. That is what I fear, he said.
23:12
Speaker 1: That's why I cannot risk having you upset. Time enough
23:15
Speaker 1: Gossip for bad news after the game, play on man
23:17
Speaker 1: and dismiss it from your mind. Besides, you couldn't get
23:20
Speaker 1: back to New York just yet. In any case, there
23:22
Speaker 1: are no trains. Dismiss the whole ring from your mind
23:25
Speaker 1: and just play your usual and you're sure to win.
23:30
Speaker 1: Archibald had driven off during this conversation, but without his
23:33
Speaker 1: previous success. This time he had pulled his ball into
23:36
Speaker 1: some long grasp. Gossip's drive was, however, worse, and the
23:40
Speaker 1: subsequent movement of the pair to the hole resembled, more
23:43
Speaker 1: than anything else, the maneuvers of two men rolling peanuts
23:46
Speaker 1: with tooth picks as the result of some election bet.
23:50
Speaker 1: Archibald finally took the hole in twelve, after Gossipt had
23:53
Speaker 1: played his fourteenth. When Archibald won the next in eleven
23:57
Speaker 1: and the tenth in nine, Hope began to flicker feebly
24:01
Speaker 1: in his bosom, But when he won two more holes,
24:04
Speaker 1: bringing the score to like as we lie, it flamed
24:08
Speaker 1: up within him like a beacon. The ordinary golfer, who
24:11
Speaker 1: scores per hole seldom exceed those of Colonel Bogie, does
24:15
Speaker 1: not understand the whirl of mixed sensations which the really
24:19
Speaker 1: incompetent performer experiences on the rare occasions when he does
24:23
Speaker 1: strike a winning vein. As stroke follows stroke and he
24:26
Speaker 1: continues to hold his opponent, a wild exhilaration surges as
24:31
Speaker 1: within him, followed by a sort of awe as if
24:34
Speaker 1: he were doing something wrong, even irreligious. Then all these
24:38
Speaker 1: yeasty emotions subside and are blended into one glorious sensation
24:42
Speaker 1: of grandeur and majesty, as of a giant among pigmies.
24:46
Speaker 1: By the time that Archibald, putting with the care of
24:49
Speaker 1: one brushing flies off a sleeping venus, had holed out
24:52
Speaker 1: and one the thirteenth, he was in the full grip
24:55
Speaker 1: of this feeling. And as he walked to the fifteenth
24:57
Speaker 1: tee after winning the fourteenth, he felt that this was life,
25:02
Speaker 1: that till now he had been a mere mollusk. But
25:06
Speaker 1: just at that moment he happened to look at his watch,
25:09
Speaker 1: and the sight was like a douche of cold water.
25:11
Speaker 1: The hands stood at five minutes to one. Let us
25:17
Speaker 1: pause and ponder on this point for a while. Let
25:20
Speaker 1: us not dismiss it as if it were some mere, trivial,
25:23
Speaker 1: every day difficulty. You, dear reader, play an accurate, scientific
25:27
Speaker 1: game and beat your opponent with ease every time you
25:30
Speaker 1: go to the lynks, of course, and score so do why?
25:33
Speaker 1: But Archibald was not like us. This was the first
25:36
Speaker 1: occasion on which he ever felt that he was playing
25:38
Speaker 1: well enough to give him a chance of defeating a
25:41
Speaker 1: really good man. True, he had beaten Mackay, Sigsby and
25:45
Speaker 1: Butler in the early roundsment they were ignoble rivals compared
25:48
Speaker 1: with Gossip. To defeat Gossip, however, meant the championship. On
25:53
Speaker 1: the other hand, he was passionately devoted to Margaret Milsom,
25:58
Speaker 1: whom he was due to meet at the end of
25:59
Speaker 1: the boardwalk one sharp. It was now five minutes to one,
26:03
Speaker 1: and the end of the boardwalk still a mile away.
26:07
Speaker 1: The mental struggle was brief, but keen. A sharp pang
26:10
Speaker 1: in his mind was made up cost what it might,
26:13
Speaker 1: he must stay on the links. If Margaret broke off
26:16
Speaker 1: the engagement. Well, it might be that time would heal
26:19
Speaker 1: the wound, and that after many years he would find
26:22
Speaker 1: some other girl for whom he might come to care
26:24
Speaker 1: in a wrecked, broken sort of way. But a chance
26:28
Speaker 1: like this could never come again. What is love compared
26:31
Speaker 1: with holding out before your opponent. The excitement now had
26:35
Speaker 1: become so intense that a small boy following with the
26:37
Speaker 1: crowd swallowed his chewing gum for a slight improvement had
26:42
Speaker 1: become noticeable in Gossip's play, and a slight improvement in
26:46
Speaker 1: the play of almost anyone meant that it became vastly
26:48
Speaker 1: superior to Archibald's. At the next hole, the improvement was
26:52
Speaker 1: not marked enough to have its full effect. An Archibald
26:55
Speaker 1: contrived to have This made him two up and three
26:59
Speaker 1: to play, But the average golfer would consider a commanding lead,
27:03
Speaker 1: But Archibald was no average golfer. A commanding lead for
27:07
Speaker 1: Archibald would have been two up and one to play.
27:10
Speaker 1: To give the public of his best, your golfer should
27:13
Speaker 1: have his mind cool and intent upon the game. Inasmuch
27:16
Speaker 1: as Gossip was worrying about telegrams, while Archibald strive as
27:20
Speaker 1: he might to dismiss it was haunted by a vision
27:22
Speaker 1: of Margaret's standing alone and deserted on the board walk.
27:25
Speaker 1: Play became, as it were, ragged. Fine putting enabled Gossip
27:30
Speaker 1: to do the sixteenth hole in twelve, and when winning
27:34
Speaker 1: the seventeenth and nine, he brought his score level with Archibald's.
27:37
Speaker 1: The match seemed over. But just then mister Gossett said
27:41
Speaker 1: a familiar voice. Once more was the much enduring telegraph
27:45
Speaker 1: boy among those present. Try as time he observed Gossip sprang.
27:50
Speaker 1: But again the watchful sixby was too swift. Be brave, Gossip,
27:54
Speaker 1: be brave, he said, this is a crisis in the game.
27:57
Speaker 1: Keep your nerve. Play just as if nothing existed outside
28:00
Speaker 1: the lynx, to look at these telegrams now would be fatal.
28:06
Speaker 1: Eye witnesses of that great encounter will tell the story
28:08
Speaker 1: of the last hole to their dying day. It was
28:11
Speaker 1: one of those Titanic struggles which time cannot efface from
28:15
Speaker 1: the memory. Archibald was fortunate in getting a good start.
28:19
Speaker 1: He only missed twice before he struck his ball on
28:21
Speaker 1: the tee. Gossip had four strokes ere he achieved the feat.
28:26
Speaker 1: Nor did Archibald's luck desert him in the Journey to
28:28
Speaker 1: the Green. He was out of the bunker in eleven.
28:32
Speaker 1: Gossip emerged only after sixteen. Finally, when Archibald's twenty first
28:37
Speaker 1: stroke sent the ball trickling into the hole, Gossip had
28:40
Speaker 1: played his thirtieth. The ball had hardly rested on the
28:44
Speaker 1: bottom of the hole before Gossip had begun to tear
28:46
Speaker 1: the telegrams from their envelope. As he read, his eyes
28:49
Speaker 1: bulged in their sockets. Not bad news, I hope, said
28:53
Speaker 1: a sympathetic bystander. Sigsby took the sheaf of telegrams. The
28:57
Speaker 1: first ran good luck, hope you win mac eh. The
29:00
Speaker 1: second also ran good luck hope you win mackay, so
29:05
Speaker 1: singularly enough to the third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh.
29:09
Speaker 1: Great Scott said Sixby. He seems to have been pretty
29:12
Speaker 1: anxious not to run any risk of missing you Gossip.
29:15
Speaker 1: As he spoke. Archibald, close beside him, was looking at
29:18
Speaker 1: his watch. The hands stood at a quarter to two.
29:24
Speaker 1: Margaret and her mother were seated in the parlor when
29:26
Speaker 1: Archibald arrived. Missus Milsom, who had elicited the fact that
29:30
Speaker 1: Archibald had not kept his appointment, had been saying I
29:33
Speaker 1: told you so for some time, and this had not
29:35
Speaker 1: improved Margaret's temper. When therefore Archibald, damp and disheveled, was
29:40
Speaker 1: shown in the chill in the air nearly gave him frostbite.
29:44
Speaker 1: Missus Milsom did her celebrated imitation of the gorgon, while Margaret,
29:48
Speaker 1: lightly humming an air, picked up a weekly paper and
29:50
Speaker 1: became absorbed in it. Margaret, let me explain, panted Archibald.
29:56
Speaker 1: Missus Milsom was understood to remark that she dared say.
30:00
Speaker 1: Margaret's attention was riveted by a fashion plate driving in
30:03
Speaker 1: a taximeter to the ferry this morning, resumed Archibald, I
30:06
Speaker 1: had an accident. This was the result of some rather
30:09
Speaker 1: feverish brainwork. On the way from the links to the cottage,
30:12
Speaker 1: the periodical flopped to the floor. Oh, Archie, are you hurt?
30:16
Speaker 1: A few scratches, nothing more, but it made me miss
30:19
Speaker 1: my train. What train did you catch, asked Missus Milsom.
30:23
Speaker 1: Sepple colarly, the one o'clock. I came straight on here
30:27
Speaker 1: from the station, Why, said Margaret Stuyvesant was coming home
30:30
Speaker 1: on the one o'clock train. Did you see him? Archibald's
30:35
Speaker 1: jaw dropped slightly er. No, how curious, said Margaret. Very curious,
30:41
Speaker 1: said Archibald. Most curious, said Missus Milsom. They were still
30:46
Speaker 1: reflecting on the singularity of this fact when the door
30:48
Speaker 1: opened and the son of the house entered in person.
30:52
Speaker 1: Thought I should find jo Her Mealy, He said. They
30:54
Speaker 1: gave me this at the station to give to you.
30:56
Speaker 1: You dropped it this morning when you got out of
30:57
Speaker 1: the train. He handed Archibald a missing pouch. Oh, thanks,
31:02
Speaker 1: said the latter, huskily. When you say this morning, of
31:05
Speaker 1: course you mean the safternoon. But thanks all the same, Thanks,
31:07
Speaker 1: thanks very much. No, Archibald mealing, He does not mean
31:13
Speaker 1: this afternoon, said Missus Milson Stuyvesant, speak from what train
31:17
Speaker 1: did that? Guff? What train did mister meeling alight? When
31:21
Speaker 1: he dropped the tobacco pouch the ten o'clock, the fellow
31:24
Speaker 1: told me said he'd have given it back to him
31:26
Speaker 1: then only, but he sprinted off In the duce arry.
31:30
Speaker 1: Six eyes focused themselves upon Archibald Margaret. He said, I
31:35
Speaker 1: will not try to deceive you. You may try, observed
31:38
Speaker 1: Missus Milsom, but you will not succeed. Well, Archibald Archibald
31:43
Speaker 1: fingered his collar. There was no taximeter accident, Ah, said
31:48
Speaker 1: missus Milson. The fact is I have been playing in
31:51
Speaker 1: a golf tournament. Margaret uttered an exclamation of surprise. Playing golf.
31:58
Speaker 1: Archie bowed his head with manly, Why didn't you tell me?
32:02
Speaker 1: Why didn't you arrange for us to meet on the links?
32:04
Speaker 1: I should have loved it. Archibald was amazed. Don't you
32:08
Speaker 1: take an interest in golf? Margaret? You? I thought you
32:12
Speaker 1: you scorned it, considering it an unintellectual game. I thought
32:16
Speaker 1: you considered all games unintellectual. Why I play golf myself?
32:20
Speaker 1: Not very well? Margaret? Why didn't you tell me? I
32:25
Speaker 1: thought you might not like it. You were so spiritual,
32:28
Speaker 1: so poetic, I feared you would despise me. Archibald took
32:32
Speaker 1: a step forward. His voice was tense and trembling. Margaret,
32:34
Speaker 1: He said, this is no time for misunderstandings. We must
32:38
Speaker 1: be open with one another. Our happiness is at stake.
32:41
Speaker 1: Tell me, honestly, do you like poetry? Really? Margaret hesitated,
32:46
Speaker 1: then answered bravely no, Archibald. She said, it is as
32:49
Speaker 1: you suspect, I am not worthy of you. I do
32:52
Speaker 1: not like poetry. Ah, you shudder, you turn away. Your
32:56
Speaker 1: face grows hard and scornful. I don't yell, Archibald. It
33:00
Speaker 1: doesn't it doesn't do anything of the sort. You've made
33:03
Speaker 1: me another man. She stared, wild eyed, astonished. What what
33:08
Speaker 1: do you mean? Do you mean that you too? I
33:12
Speaker 1: should just say I do. I tell you I hate
33:14
Speaker 1: the beastly stuff. I only pretended to like it because
33:16
Speaker 1: I thought you did. The hours I've spent learning it up.
33:19
Speaker 1: I wonder I've not got brain fever. Archie used you
33:24
Speaker 1: to read it up too, if I'd only known, and
33:28
Speaker 1: you forgive me this morning. I mean, well, of course
33:32
Speaker 1: you couldn't leave a golf tournament. By the way, how
33:34
Speaker 1: did you get on, Archibald coughed. Well, rather well, he said, modestly,
33:40
Speaker 1: pretty decently, in fact, not badly. As a matter of fact,
33:43
Speaker 1: I won the championship. The championship, whispered Margaret, of America.
33:50
Speaker 1: Well not absolutely, of America, said Archibald, all the same.
33:54
Speaker 1: I'm a championship, my hero. You won't be wanting me
34:00
Speaker 1: for a while, I guess at Stuyveson nonchalantly think I'll
34:03
Speaker 1: smoke a cigarette on the porch and sobs from the stairs,
34:06
Speaker 1: told that missus Milsom was already on her way to
34:09
Speaker 1: a room. End of story number nine, Archibald's Benefit recording
34:15
Speaker 1: by Mike Harris,