Latest / Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha / Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just -The Unassuming Soul: Cultivating Humility in Action and Spirit 3.18.26

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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just -The Unassuming Soul: Cultivating Humility in Action and Spirit 3.18.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  Three, playing out this idea that is humility, not
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  specifically in your mind, which is obviously the core been the
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  way you speak. We can understand that literally
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  the way you walk and if you walk with a heaviness and it's sort
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  of they describes it front of your foot by a heel as if they
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  walk in like, you know, as if like you're walking down the red
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  carpet, as if people are watching.
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  That is a sign of arrogance. That's a bad reflection.
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  Instead of a person should be running in and running out.
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  And we explained yesterday this concept, which is an interesting
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  idea that when a person is walking with a mission, focus on
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  his goal. He's saying to himself and
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  really the people around him, I'm not, I don't think I'm the
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  Beal and all. I don't think simply my being
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  here warrants looking at me and watching me and being impressed
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  by me. The concept of walking down the
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  red carpet literally is watch them walk.
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  What's it is? Watch them what they're wearing,
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  watch The Walking, watch their straw.
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  And that is an arrogant sense. And now my version, our real
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  life version, that is a person. I'm thinking that my being here,
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  my walking, my being in front of you actually made a difference.
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  Regardless of what I say, what I do, just being here.
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  That is a very arrogant concept and walking with head held high,
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  walking with a slow stroll. And that sort of heaviness is
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  literally reflective of that concept.
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  Now he goes on to the next point.
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  That's what next one is sitting where you sit.
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  What does that mean? He would like to sit in the
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  front. He would like to be, you know,
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  on stage. I like to be facing the crowd.
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  Whatever version of this concept, what is this concept?
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  Bishop talk. A person should be humble where
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  they sit, she hear me como Benazir Felipe.
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  Where you sit should be along with the low key ones or those
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  who are unassuming below Ben aramim.
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  I'm not trying to sit among those who are a big deal.
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  Mugam can be grandmother alta tadar left nemera montgombe
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  gitlin alta amoud. Don't try to become, don't
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  glorify it yourself in the presence of the king of the
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  king, and don't stand in the place of the great Pasupa,
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  Michelin, the Harek and Cohalis Nur.
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  It says, it says The Mirage. A person should distance a seat.
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  Shneim or Sasha MI commot the shed arch your mulu Hale.
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  You're a person who's supposed to be sitting in the front.
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  Don't walk in and go straight to the front.
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  Sit down somewhere and wait for them to ask you to order the
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  front. Don't go up.
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  But if I tell you go down to a lower place and there was don't
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  overshoot your spot. Don't think they deserve more.
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  Don't sit in the front row. Naturally be inclined to be OK
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  being in the back, being OK being unnoticed.
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  And this is a very significant concept.
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  I understand. I normally sit in this shoe in
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  the front. I recognize that fact and that's
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  a rabbi. I sit there.
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  Got that. But technically speaking, a
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  person should be fully OK with the fact that they're being
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  sitting in a place it's not noticed.
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  Now, what does that mean? Same theme to walking, replace
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  stuff out a little bit different way.
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  And that is you have many people that walk into certain places,
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  be it shules or whatever else, be it a holiday meal, a family
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  meal. And sometimes they push it back
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  because no one noticed them or no one feels they deserve to be
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  in a different position. And the natural knee jerk
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  reaction is, is that what I'm worth?
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  Is that really, am I going to sit now up at the end of the
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  table and I'm not going to be along with thee core and I'm OK
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  with that. Is that really what I'm worth?
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  Is that how they see me? Or if you go into a shoe and you
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  sing in the back of your shoe, that means people who may not
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  notice you for half hour, 40 minutes.
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  Who knows how though, right? Is that really my value?
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  And you start to question your own personal existence.
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  And a person should be humble enough to be OK with not being
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  noticed, humble enough to be OK with being unassuming.
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  So the working, the idea was you want to avoid the mindset, which
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  is I need to be a big deal just being that's walking, OK.
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  Don't try to carry yourself in that sort of manner that you
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  think just being in that presence is a big deal, that a
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  sitting maybe even at certain times can be more of a humbling
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  experience. You can have a guy who walks
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  fast, who doesn't strut, who doesn't, you know, have held the
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  head of the eye yet still, if he goes into a place and they don't
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  give him a good seat, he's hurt, he's insulted, he's upset, he's
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  bothered. That's what I'm worth.
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  And a person has to be OK with, yes, that's what you're worth.
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  That doesn't mean they have a problem with you.
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  That means they're not making a big deal by you right now.
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  That's OK. And sit in the back, sit in a
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  regular row. Be unassuming and accept that
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  fact. The best state a person can be
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  in is that they're OK being on their own.
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  They're OK being unassuming. Recognize the fact that there's
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  another person, that's fine. That doesn't mean people have a
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  problem with you at all. That doesn't mean people have
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  anything against you at all. It just means they're busy with
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  their lives, you're busy with yours, and they're not making a
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  big deal about you. And that's perfectly OK.
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  And we all know the translation of this mindset actually plays a
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  better for yourself. Because again, if a person's OK
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  being unassuming, a person's OK being just a regular guy and
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  they'll function like a regular guy.
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  Whereas if they always need to be treated like a big deal and
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  they're running the risk of needing being a very needy
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  person, and if your mind is needy and your ego is needy,
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  good luck. It's a disaster life.
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  Whereas if you're OK being unassuming, that everything's
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  more peaceful, you don't demand as much, you don't expect as
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  much, you're not hurt as often. And this is a literally how it
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  plays out, that where does it play out?
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  Literally the way you sit, you think the way you sit is not a
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  big deal. It reflects everything on your
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  mind. Now, if you're in your own
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  place, if you're in your own shoe, different story.
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  If you're in your own shoe, where you sit is not a matter of
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  arrogance, because when you're in your own shoe, your own
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  place, your own family table. It's that you have your Shabbat
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  table. Right.
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  So then you, you're thinking about a lot of other things
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  which are, I don't see that. I don't see as well from here.
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  I, I talk too much over here. Maybe I missed the conversation
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  in this spot. Those are normal logics when it
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  comes to a regular steady structure.
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  But you walk into a shoe that you're not used to, you go for a
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  photo, you go for some car, you go for some, and now you're
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  thinking to yourself immediately, where am I going to
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  sit and how do I get to the front row?
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  That's this issue right here. And that is the person already
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  thinks of themselves too highly and whatever and this method and
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  they really should be able to say to themselves, I'm good, I'm
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  OK. It does not matter where they
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  treat me in this one position, I'm good.
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  I really, it'll reflect the confidence, it'll reflect
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  reflect the unassuming manner and it'll allow you to be way
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  less insulted in general. If you demand things like this
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  and you're often insulted. If you're OK with things like
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  this, you're OK is sitting in the back.
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  That's a reflection of the fact. And I'm perfectly calm and happy
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  with being unassumed. The best thing you want to be.
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  That's what you're telling. All right, now let's see you
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  next step on 454. Next page, Valco ha Martina
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  Small. Now, if you're a person who is
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  able to treat myself small, lower myself, act without
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  importance, not care about where I sit or how you walk, Rabbis
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  tell us. The reality is, call me Shem
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  Martine at Small. The reality is, if you figure
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  out a way, and this is work, you figure out a way to actually
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  diminish yourself, to walk in and sit in the back, to just run
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  somewhere without taking that stroll that makes people look at
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  you, right? To talk in a soft tone that
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  isn't demeaning to others, that isn't a powerful language.
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  If you figure out that way, the reward is worth it because maybe
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  in this world, initially it's a pill to swallow.
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  We recognize that fact. Just to be clear, all these
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  examples that he's giving us and all these challenges of
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  arrogance against humility, the knee jerk reaction of a regular
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  human being of flesh and blood, knee jerk reaction is I like
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  arrogance. I like the feeling.
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  Of being nice people finish less.
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  Right, exactly. I like there's a reason people
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  talk down to other people. They want to build themselves up
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  and they talk in a powerful tone.
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  They want to feel good about themselves.
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  There's a reason when people walk with that walk of heaviness
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  as if they have weights on the heels, because they want people
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  to watch them. They want that feeling of
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  existing. We said from the beginning, the
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  issue with arrogance is the issue with the mindset is, is
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  that I like to exist. And if I am humble or
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  unassuming, they don't exist and I and that hurts and I like that
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  other feeling. So really it's challenging and
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  the same thing as truth. Whether you sit.
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  I like the idea that I walk in and they're all busy with me and
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  all trying to find the seat for me.
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  I like that feeling. All right, means not a big deal.
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  Good luck. Thank you, Joe.
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  Excellent. OK, thanks.
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  So this mindset, I like it and if I like it, that makes me feel
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  good. And therefore, to hold back
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  takes work. This is not simple for a person
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  saying to themselves I'm going to walk into a place where I
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  deserve to be respected and I'm not going to be noticed and I'm
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  OK with it. That's impressive.
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  But the payout is worth it. The baton with the response is
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  worth it, which is if I diminish myself in this world, I will get
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  more coverwood in the next World.
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  I will feel bigger over there. If I'm small here, I'm big
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  there. If I'm unassuming here, I'll
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  have a big deal over there and that's worth it.
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  Now say God told Lamba connected Sambu it says in the dash.
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  I said I'm in snippet the remove the turban lip the crown meaning
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  call me Suga dole by the maze Catan by the any person.
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  This is really literally reality.
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  If you try to be big over here, you're going to be small the
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  next road, right? We're not laughing, huh?
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  A strong call, right? We're not laughing.
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  And the opposite is true as well.
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  Mishu Katan, you're saving that big deal for the next round.
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  You're saving to be treated like a like a major thing by Hashem
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  himself, by angels, by those who might on the next Rd.
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  So literally, we have a choice. Do I want to take up all the air
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  in the room here and have no position over there?
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  Or I'm at the opposite? Let me be small over here.
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  Let it be small where it doesn't matter.
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  Let me recognize the truth, which is that in this world,
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  cavort is a reflection of other people wanting to connect to me.
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  It's not really a reflection of my talents.
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  Usually, more and more often than not, when people treat me
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  like a big deal wherever I am, it's because they want our
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  relationship with my bank account.
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  They want our relationship with my power.
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  They want our relationship with my charm.
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  It's not about me. And you know that.
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  Because when that person loses law, little loses that position,
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  whatever it may be, all of a sudden it goes away.
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  How'd it go away where my friends go?
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  The answer is it never was friends.
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  It never was about me and that in my mind, that in my mind will
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  allow me to be unassuming in this world and therefore get the
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  reward of the fact that I get covered in the next World.
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  So who cares? Cover here, cover there.
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  What's the difference? A difference?
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  Like we just mentioned, cover in this world is a sketch.
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  It's other people needing you and therefore wanting to have a
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  corrected connection to you. Cover in the next World where
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  you have nothing to offer. That's going to give them more
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  money, a better job, more power, more connections.
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  Instead, what do they want to have to do with you?
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  The cavort of the Malachim respecting you and I in the next
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  World is literally because they see a presence that's
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  impressive. That's it.
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  Not what it leaves to, not what it's based on now, where it's
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  going to go now, what kind of job you're going to give them
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  now, what kind of name you're going to give them.
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  Now we're going to fundraise. This is going to happen later.
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  Nothing. The cavort is because you
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  deserve it. Cavour is because of the
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  presence itself. In other words, go deeper.
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  Cavour in this world is because of other things, not the
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  presence itself or the leads to. Instead, Cavour in the next Rd.
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  is rather because of the presence of the person himself.
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  And that's a far more gratifying, more long lasting,
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  more actual Cavour and this road.
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  We know that respecting this world is fleeting.
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  Why is it fleeting? Who said it's fleeting?
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  Why is it, you know, come and go learning, praying, those are not
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  fleeting. Why is this fleeting couple?
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  What's a real tangible concept? Why is it not real in this
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  world? It's because of that is because
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  even when someone stands up for me, it's not about me.
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  Maybe they recognize something, but it's still not about me.
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  Usually it's about the next thing.
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  And even if it's almost treats like a big deal, it's not about
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  what you've done for them. What are you going to do?
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  It's about what's going to lead to.
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  That's not reality. Kavod in its core sense is
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  respecting the thing because of what it is, as is example, best
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  example, Hashem, Kavod of Hashem that we give respect of Ishu,
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  respect of of yeshiva, respect of learning, respect of respect
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  of respect of the Maheshvah, whatever it may be.
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  All those respects are cavort your mind.
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  And those are as is the guy in his shoe.
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  He makes sure not to say certain things.
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  What is that? He's respecting their presence.
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  Is that because he wants Hashem to do something to him?
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  No, he just respects the fact that God's presence is here.
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  It's God's home. Same while holding a safer to
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  them, same while learning, same while praying.
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  All these different concepts. The cavort of Hashem is a
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  finished product. You're at the end of the road.
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  You're not doing it because what's going to lead to and the
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  truth is at times kavoda, the rabbi is really kavoda and it is
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  that concept. If you recognize that way.
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  However, sometimes kavoda even of a rabbi can be because what
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  the rabbi represents and his power and his prestige, that's
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  that's nothing but as you. But he represents Duda.
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  Depends. If you're doing it for the sake
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  of the representation of Torah, great, and you the test is very
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  clear test. And if you find another rabbi
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  who's as learning of this one and how do you respect him ever
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  respecting just the same and you're on the right track.
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  And then the system is great. If you're only respecting that
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  first round because he's a big deal and it's a big name and he
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  can get you a job and he can help you in this and the other
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  thing, then it's a waste of time.
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  And her person has to try to be real on themselves.
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  You can't be real on other people reeling yourself in this
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  area. But the theme is very clear.
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  If I in this world, I'm willing to be unassuming because I'm
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  willing to say I don't need the cover here.
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  And why? Because I'm deeper understanding
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  that most covered in this world is a sketch.
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  Anyhow, you name the guy non Jewish or Jewish.
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  The fact that people clamor to have a relationship with that
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  person 9 times out of 10 is not because of the person himself.
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  And the most healthy person in the room is that person because
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  he believes that it is because of him.
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  When he doesn't realize this, you strip the title, you strip
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  the money, you strip the relationship.
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  He's not going to enter that couple.
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  Why? Same guy, same personality, same
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  sense of humor, maybe even the same job you should.
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  If some reason he goes to death also like a vote goes away.
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  Why? Because it never was about him
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  in the 1st place. And therefore we tell the next
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  person as you're climbing the ranks of honor and respect and
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  maybe arrogance, recognize if you strip it, if you're OK with
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  the fact that you're going to be an unassuming person, it doesn't
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  mean you don't like nice things. Doesn't mean you have a you
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  don't have a nice house, doesn't mean you don't have a shop car,
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  doesn't mean that it doesn't even mean you don't make an ice
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  wedding. Doesn't mean you don't accept
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  the reward. It just means you accept the
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  fact that you're unassuming, that you're not a big deal.
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  No matter everyone's talking about you.
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  And you don't need to constantly push your name back into the
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  lights in order to remain the big deal, in order to remain
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  like the Hollywood stars after they're 45 years old and they're
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  very old news. So now they have to do something
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  funny in the supermarket so people notice them and they get
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  back onto the paper. You're not that as it instead
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  you recognize it's OK, I'm on assuming I'm not a big deal, I'm
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  fine. Why are you OK?
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  Because the cavort in this world's anyway not you.
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  It's not treating you like AB dealer is treating your bank
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  account or your connection like AB deal.
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  If you recognize that, then the reflection is you'll be on
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  assuming here and upstairs they'll be given granted great
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  coverage and there no connections, no power, no
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  relationship that you're going to lead to no job you're going
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  to give them. It's not like by having a
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  relationship with you, it's going to help them.
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  No. So why they give you respect
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  just because it's warranted and that's the kind of respect you
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  want. You want to respect.
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  By the way, even in this world, if you do get respect, that is
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  the respect that you want. You want the respect to be
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  warranted. The only problem is most people
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  who give out respect the hammer and AM the crowd, the people
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  they're not thinking that way. They're not thinking about oh so
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  and so Balkhesi, he deserves AP to you so and so.
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  Wow, you know what he did for this old the other guy last
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  week. He deserves to be stood up for
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  or spoken about. That guy in how much to try lens
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  Tamir Hakam is he gone? Oh, we should all make it be the
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  light of him. That's not really what people.
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  Do, but we do in general the the Volatan things you put always
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  everyone on the pedestal, sure. I mean one of you like so we
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  are, we are creating these people.
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  Sure. Really, you should have, even in
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  the modern day, a gadol should be given great respect and these
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  people for the sake of the Torah itself, for the sake of the
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  impact itself, not because having that relationship is
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  going to lead to XY and Z. That's already going off the
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  wrong track because like I said, we take away that outcome.
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  You remove that outcome, all the sudden you're not thinking that
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  way, right? So what happened?
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  I thought so and so is very impressive.
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  He's not really impressive. He's just released to.
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  So us as those who are receiving the cover would need to
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  recognize and realize you're not receiving cover in this world
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  anyway. You're simply receiving for
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  other people a pathway toward their connections.
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  And because that's the case, it's all a sketch anyhow.
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  So be OK with the fact that you don't need it.
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  Be OK with the fact that I'm perfectly fine not being
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  recognized because my recognition is any way of
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  fallacy. It's all a sketch anyhow.
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  And instead we replace that false recognition with the real
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  thing, with a genuine coward, with Hashem making a big deal by
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  you, With the Malachi making you into a big deal with upstairs,
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  which is infinite, which is among the greats.
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  Which is without power and without connections and without
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  development simply because of who you are itself.
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  That's we'll cover with. That's why when they say one of
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  the ideas, which is that a person's a big deal down here,
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  he's small upstairs, he's small upstairs, he's small down here,
• 20:25
  that he's big upstairs, right. So I understand you want to tell
• 20:30
  me a person should not be busy with Kavod, but he gets Kavod.
• 20:35
  Why does that mean you can be small for?
• 20:36
  Staples about personal cover with like you yourself or bag
• 20:39
  yourself you did something different you want to you push
• 20:42
  yourself you know you did something good like.
• 20:44
  That is not someone. Is smile on your face like?
• 20:46
  It's not covered. That's a good point.
• 20:47
  It's not covered. Feeling good about yourself?
• 20:50
  That's accomplishment. Feeling shouldn't be confident,
• 20:52
  not good about yourself, and accomplish is a great state to
• 20:55
  be in. It is not covered.
• 20:57
  Covered is other people's reflection.
• 21:00
  It's the only way covered exists.
• 21:01
  Other people, other things, whatever it is looking at you
• 21:04
  cover. What is the pedestal, the
• 21:07
  reaction, the reflection, the light.
• 21:10
  That's what it is. You feeling good by yourself is
• 21:12
  not the light people. That get that, get it because,
• 21:16
  because they've earned it and deserve it and, and they just,
• 21:19
  they don't ask for it, but they get there's a lot of, you know,
• 21:22
  there's, there's people like that, yeah.
• 21:25
  True. So you want to say how do I
• 21:26
  blame the guy? How could I say a blanket
• 21:28
  statement that if he's big down here in these small upstairs,
• 21:31
  what about the fact that we're great rabbis who were everyone
• 21:34
  at the end of their life? People were clamoring, just got
• 21:36
  a meeting with them or even a second what that, what am I
• 21:38
  saying, 'cause Shalom did the small upstairs.
• 21:41
  So there's a couple of points. The reality is such people
• 21:44
  really remained small down here in the sense that they were not
• 21:49
  busy with it. If they did get busy with it,
• 21:51
  different story, but they were they remained that they only
• 21:55
  wanted to do is they only want to learn.
• 21:57
  If you are getting real comfortable down here and you
• 21:59
  really recognize it, chances are you're going to enjoy it.
• 22:02
  And if you're going to enjoy it, you're going to like those,
• 22:04
  those moments and you're going to go to those scenes and you're
• 22:07
  going to walk into the crowd of 20,000 people with the singing
• 22:10
  the song and you can buy every one of them, right?
• 22:12
  But these did not want to. And these were really fighting
• 22:15
  even to go to these events and only did it because they had to.
• 22:18
  And that was an indication that they retained, they cut Newt in
• 22:23
  their mind even as the world, the entire Jewish world, was
• 22:27
  making them into everything. Yet they retained that sense of
• 22:31
  smoke. If they did it, different story,
• 22:34
  but they did. And because they did, that's
• 22:36
  perfect. And that remains that.
• 22:38
  I don't see myself as a reflection of what they're
• 22:40
  saying me. And therefore I remain alone in
• 22:44
  my mind. I remain unassuming even though
• 22:46
  I'm not. I remain sitting in the back
• 22:49
  seat even though it doesn't happen.
• 22:50
  I remain a guy that walk into the room.
• 22:52
  They don't stand up for me, even though every time they do and I
• 22:55
  remain talking. This is where it retains itself.
• 22:57
  Talking in a manner that is still humble.
• 23:00
  I can't change where I sit. I can't change where I stand.
• 23:03
  I can't change that they stand up.
• 23:05
  But I could change where I talk. And if I am at the end of a
• 23:07
  person's life, talking in a power tone, oh, he got ruined.
• 23:13
  Talking in a soft tone. OK, beautiful.
• 23:16
  He remained the same. And that means upstairs.
• 23:18
  He's going to get all the cover. Get what's up with this?