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#HURDLEMOMENT: How To Combat Negative Self-Talk · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

0:14
Speaker 1: Hey everyone, Emily Abadi here.
0:16
Speaker 2: You are listening to another installment of Hurdle Moment from
0:19
Speaker 2: Kurdle this week. For the show, I wanted to talk
0:22
Speaker 2: about something that I have been having many conversations about lately,
0:26
Speaker 2: both with my friends and of course over direct message
0:30
Speaker 2: with many of you, and that is negative self talk.
0:34
Speaker 2: To do that, I wanted to bring in an expert,
0:38
Speaker 2: and that expert is doctor Amy Servis. She is a
0:42
Speaker 2: New York licensed mental health counselor as well as a
0:44
Speaker 2: New Jersey licensed professional counselor and also the director of
0:48
Speaker 2: clinical content at talk Space. For our conversation today, we
0:53
Speaker 2: unpack everything from what is negative self talk, what can
0:57
Speaker 2: cause negative self talk, if there are some individuals that
1:00
Speaker 2: are more prone to it than others, as well as
1:04
Speaker 2: and I've never heard of this before, the different types
1:06
Speaker 2: of negative self talk, of course really important, how to
1:11
Speaker 2: negate it, how to manage it, how to deal with it,
1:14
Speaker 2: and strategies that you can use regularly to help foster
1:18
Speaker 2: a more positive inner dialogue. I certainly struggle with negative
1:23
Speaker 2: self talk like many of you. I think it's important
1:26
Speaker 2: to be open and honest about that. Specifically, one of
1:29
Speaker 2: the different types of negative talk that Doctor Service talks
1:32
Speaker 2: about in today's episode is called filtering being guilty of.
1:37
Speaker 2: You could have an amazing day, Everything could be great,
1:41
Speaker 2: you're healthy, you feel good. But one bad thing could happen,
1:44
Speaker 2: one negative comment could come through, and that's the thing
1:49
Speaker 2: you focus on. We talk about how to get over
1:51
Speaker 2: this and what happens if you really do feel like
1:54
Speaker 2: you are stumped in a run. Before I get into
1:58
Speaker 2: today's episode, I do want to take a moment to.
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3:26
Speaker 2: with Hurdle over on social media. It's at Hurdle podcast.
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3:42
Speaker 1: Thanks y'all. With that, let's get to Hurdling.
3:55
Speaker 3: Today.
3:56
Speaker 2: I'm chatting with doctor Amy Servis. She is a talkspace
4:00
Speaker 2: is director of clinical Content.
4:02
Speaker 1: How are you doing, doctor Service?
4:04
Speaker 3: Good morning, I'm doing well. I'm so happy to be here.
4:08
Speaker 1: I'm so happy that you are here as well.
4:11
Speaker 2: So today I wanted to bring you on because I
4:13
Speaker 2: feel like a theme a lot here on the show
4:17
Speaker 2: is how we talk to ourselves and specifically handling and
4:21
Speaker 2: navigating negative self talk. And I know that is a
4:26
Speaker 2: topic that you are certainly familiar with, correct.
4:31
Speaker 3: For sure, especially right now. Self talk is such an
4:35
Speaker 3: integral part of what we do constantly on a day
4:39
Speaker 3: to day basis, and things that we're not even aware of,
4:42
Speaker 3: and it affects the way that we experience the world
4:45
Speaker 3: and affects the way we think and feel. It's definitely
4:49
Speaker 3: a hot topic for sure.
4:51
Speaker 2: First and foremost, why don't you give me a little
4:53
Speaker 2: information on your backstory? Did you always think that this
4:57
Speaker 2: was the line of work that you were going to
4:58
Speaker 2: get into.
5:00
Speaker 3: Oh, that's a good question, so I think so. You know,
5:03
Speaker 3: I was one of those kids that grew up thinking
5:05
Speaker 3: I just want to work with people. But what that
5:07
Speaker 3: translated into I had no idea. I ended up in
5:13
Speaker 3: a counseling program after I was already admitted to a
5:18
Speaker 3: Master's of Education program, and it was just some classes
5:22
Speaker 3: that I took and I fell in love with it.
5:25
Speaker 3: Ever since then, I did know that's exactly what I
5:28
Speaker 3: wanted to do. There's a ton of clinical information and
5:31
Speaker 3: training and expertise that I have. But what is the
5:35
Speaker 3: most rewarding for me is really being let into somebody's
5:39
Speaker 3: life and life stories. And that just never gets old
5:42
Speaker 3: and it's just something I always feel really honored to
5:45
Speaker 3: do and I still really love doing it.
5:47
Speaker 2: I feel like you might get this question often, but
5:50
Speaker 2: as a licensed mental health counselor, is it ever weird
5:54
Speaker 2: for you? Do people just think that you're supposed to
5:56
Speaker 2: have like all of your shit just like completely figured
5:59
Speaker 2: out because you help other people with theirs totally totally.
6:04
Speaker 3: And I think there was definitely some shame moments early
6:07
Speaker 3: on when I'd be like, I, you know, definitely don't
6:11
Speaker 3: have it all together, so I, you know, I don't
6:13
Speaker 3: want to tell anybody all of these things that are
6:15
Speaker 3: going on for me. But over the years, you know,
6:17
Speaker 3: I think that also I've tried to embrace that speaking
6:20
Speaker 3: of self talk, remind myself that I am human and
6:24
Speaker 3: that it is probably an asset that I don't Number one,
6:29
Speaker 3: I know I'm not perfect, and number two, I don't
6:31
Speaker 3: pretend to be, so that it's just much more relatable
6:34
Speaker 3: to know that, you know, we're all in this human
6:37
Speaker 3: experience together.
6:38
Speaker 2: And I also mentioned that you are Talkspace as director
6:41
Speaker 2: of clinical Content. So talk to me a little bit
6:43
Speaker 2: about what talk Space is and what your role is
6:45
Speaker 2: with the company.
6:47
Speaker 3: Yeah. So, Talkspace is therapy online, which means you are
6:51
Speaker 3: connected to your therapist virtually through an app or through
6:56
Speaker 3: a website on the computer, and you can talk to
6:59
Speaker 3: them via written messages, audio video, or live sessions. Sort of.
7:05
Speaker 3: It runs the gamut of the way that you connect
7:07
Speaker 3: with your therapist. And I've personally been a therapist there
7:11
Speaker 3: for the last five years, and then over the last
7:13
Speaker 3: two and a half years, I slowly continued to be
7:18
Speaker 3: more and more involved in the company because I really
7:21
Speaker 3: found it to be revolutionary in the way that I
7:24
Speaker 3: got to meet and see clients and connect with them
7:26
Speaker 3: and have gotten more involved with the company. And so
7:29
Speaker 3: as the director of Clinical Content, what I do is
7:32
Speaker 3: I sort of work with everybody, all the teams within
7:35
Speaker 3: the company on their clinical content, whether that is internally
7:41
Speaker 3: with our blog and our ig and making sure all
7:44
Speaker 3: of that clinical content is relevant and accurate, and also
7:47
Speaker 3: informing our business partnerships. Really anything. It really is a
7:52
Speaker 3: group of folks. One of the reasons I also love
7:54
Speaker 3: working in the company is that it is mission driven
7:58
Speaker 3: and everybody who is working there really is passionate about
8:01
Speaker 3: mental health care, so it's easy to have conversations across
8:04
Speaker 3: the company.
8:06
Speaker 1: Such an interesting approach to therapy.
8:08
Speaker 2: I think that one of the questions that I got
8:11
Speaker 2: the most when I shared with my audience that I
8:14
Speaker 2: started going to therapy a couple years ago was how
8:18
Speaker 2: do you find a therapist now? Whether or not this
8:21
Speaker 2: is on talkspace or in real life. Do you have
8:24
Speaker 2: any suggestions or tips or tricks to help people find
8:28
Speaker 2: the right match for them when it comes to a therapist.
8:32
Speaker 3: Yes, I always say, don't hesitate to chain, to shop
8:37
Speaker 3: around and whatever that looks like. So making sure that
8:40
Speaker 3: it's somebody that you meet with at least four times.
8:43
Speaker 3: Give it four times of a meeting, whether that's asynchronous
8:47
Speaker 3: online or whether that's in real life. Meet with them,
8:50
Speaker 3: talk to them, give it a moment to sort of
8:54
Speaker 3: find that connection, and if it's not a good fit,
8:57
Speaker 3: you are under no obligation to stay there. I think
9:00
Speaker 3: it's something different when you're going to therapy versus going
9:03
Speaker 3: to a doctor, where it's a little bit easier, that
9:06
Speaker 3: relationship isn't as deep, maybe or you haven't gone into
9:09
Speaker 3: all of the details that you have with a therapist.
9:11
Speaker 3: But it's so important because it is the relationship that
9:15
Speaker 3: is transformative in therapy, and so finding the right fit
9:18
Speaker 3: is important. And don't be afraid to say, you know what,
9:21
Speaker 3: this isn't working out. Therapists are used to that, and
9:23
Speaker 3: good therapists will say, I totally get it, I understand. Please,
9:27
Speaker 3: you know, let me help support you finding someone that
9:30
Speaker 3: is a good fit.
9:31
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think often it's like, obviously a therapist
9:35
Speaker 2: is providing a service, but still, like human nature is
9:38
Speaker 2: you have a hard time, or at least I can
9:40
Speaker 2: definitely vouch that I have a hard time. I've like
9:43
Speaker 2: never walked away from like any serious relationship, so it's like, I'm.
9:47
Speaker 1: Sorry, it's not you, it's me. I don't know what
9:50
Speaker 1: I'm doing.
9:50
Speaker 3: Here for sure, And that's so common. It's hard. It's
9:55
Speaker 3: really hard.
9:56
Speaker 2: So now that we've got that little tipit of advice today,
9:58
Speaker 2: what we're really here to dive on is navigating negative
10:02
Speaker 2: self talk. So first, I think the good thing for
10:07
Speaker 2: us to do it's kind of like explain what's going
10:09
Speaker 2: on when we start to have these negative self talk
10:12
Speaker 2: thoughts and maybe a couple examples of what those might
10:15
Speaker 2: look like.
10:16
Speaker 3: Yeah, So when I describe negative self talk, it really
10:19
Speaker 3: is either it is the way that we speak to ourselves, right,
10:22
Speaker 3: the words, the things that we're saying to ourselves. But
10:25
Speaker 3: it's also not always we're not always conscious of it,
10:29
Speaker 3: and so it is really about peeling back and understanding
10:33
Speaker 3: what we think about ourselves and what we think about
10:37
Speaker 3: a situation. And so, you know, if we TOSK took
10:40
Speaker 3: a take a general example of what negative self talk is,
10:44
Speaker 3: it's the inner dialogue, and it's the if it's negative,
10:47
Speaker 3: it's about it's anything that you're saying to yourself that
10:51
Speaker 3: can be limiting to you.
10:54
Speaker 1: Hm, limiting.
10:55
Speaker 2: So that's interesting because you might not think of some
10:59
Speaker 2: limiting thoughts as quote unquote negative self talk.
11:02
Speaker 1: It could just be like I can't do.
11:04
Speaker 3: This one hundred percent exactly. So it could be I
11:09
Speaker 3: can't do this, or this is too hard, or it's
11:13
Speaker 3: too complicated, I'm no good at this, I've never been
11:16
Speaker 3: good at this. A lot of generalizations like this.
11:18
Speaker 2: Is impossible, right, So I guess in my mind at first,
11:22
Speaker 2: but now hearing you explain it, I was thinking that
11:24
Speaker 2: negative self talks are really only thoughts that kind of
11:28
Speaker 2: put ourselves down.
11:29
Speaker 1: But it's really bigger than that.
11:31
Speaker 3: It is really bigger than that. It is it is
11:33
Speaker 3: definitely inclusive of bringing ourselves down or putting ourselves down,
11:38
Speaker 3: but it really encompasses a broader scope of fear of
11:43
Speaker 3: anything that's sort of fear driven and it's character driven
11:46
Speaker 3: within ourselves or it seems too insurmountable, you know, to
11:52
Speaker 3: get technical, it breaks down into four different categories. That
11:56
Speaker 3: the way that we define it as therapists, it can
11:59
Speaker 3: be pulled, which means it's either all or nothing. It's
12:03
Speaker 3: either completely good or bad, and that there's no gray area,
12:07
Speaker 3: and our thoughts sematically go automatically go to good or bad,
12:09
Speaker 3: and this fits into the bad category. It can just
12:12
Speaker 3: simply be about having a day filtering, we call it,
12:15
Speaker 3: but it could be about a day where we go
12:17
Speaker 3: through the day and a million wonderful things happen, but
12:20
Speaker 3: someone says one thing to us, and that's what we
12:23
Speaker 3: focus on, and we are focused on that negative thing,
12:27
Speaker 3: which I personally can relate to catastrophizing sort of getting
12:32
Speaker 3: into a situation and thinking worse case scenario and then
12:36
Speaker 3: personalizing things. So when something happens. Instead of it being
12:41
Speaker 3: about the entirety of the thing, we take it and
12:45
Speaker 3: think it is something to do with us. We absorb
12:48
Speaker 3: it all onto ourselves.
12:51
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's filtering. Filtering, and I have a long existing
12:57
Speaker 2: relationship that has been in the works.
13:02
Speaker 3: Yeah, isn't that interesting? And we just we sort of
13:06
Speaker 3: work like that. A lot of people work with that,
13:08
Speaker 3: just as humans. Of We can tell you all of
13:12
Speaker 3: the negative things that happened yesterday or the one thing
13:15
Speaker 3: that happened last week, but there could have been this
13:18
Speaker 3: incredible week of all these wonderful things. But what sticks
13:21
Speaker 3: with us and what sort of sits in our gut
13:23
Speaker 3: is that thing that was negative.
13:26
Speaker 1: Yeah.
13:27
Speaker 2: A follow up here, are there certain types of people,
13:30
Speaker 2: or certain personality types or what have you that may
13:33
Speaker 2: be more prone to negative self talk than others?
13:37
Speaker 3: Yes, kind of. I say that with a qualifier. If
13:42
Speaker 3: you are more prone to stress and anxiety, if you
13:46
Speaker 3: are more prone to being more of a cautious, careful person,
13:51
Speaker 3: you're going to weigh your options. You're sort of going
13:54
Speaker 3: to your risk aversion is if that's high, you're going
13:59
Speaker 3: to think of the negative first, and that's going to
14:02
Speaker 3: be more what you're prone to do. But I say
14:06
Speaker 3: that with a caveat because all of us are prone
14:10
Speaker 3: to do that. When we're in moments of fear, stress, anxiety,
14:14
Speaker 3: or when there's been a string of things that have
14:16
Speaker 3: been happening over the last year that have been negative,
14:21
Speaker 3: we're sort of going to be a little bit more fearful.
14:23
Speaker 3: And when our brains are filled with stress and anxiety
14:27
Speaker 3: and fear, we're going to focus on that sort of
14:29
Speaker 3: like we can recognize that and latch onto that first,
14:32
Speaker 3: so we're more prone to do it. Then.
14:34
Speaker 2: What I will say about the past year is like
14:36
Speaker 2: just this collective understanding that things have been hard and
14:39
Speaker 2: that we're all going through it. And I feel like,
14:41
Speaker 2: for the first time, maybe I mean for me in
14:44
Speaker 2: my adult life, it was kind of a mutual connection
14:48
Speaker 2: that you had with people that you knew, people that
14:50
Speaker 2: you didn't know, that it was like asking a simple
14:53
Speaker 2: question like how are you after the past year?
14:56
Speaker 1: That has a little bit different amount of weight than
14:58
Speaker 1: it used to. You know what I'm saying.
15:01
Speaker 3: I think so too. I think that that has been
15:03
Speaker 3: a silver lining of all of this as we move
15:05
Speaker 3: forward as oh, yeah, like no, really, I do want
15:08
Speaker 3: to know how you're doing. It's not just a saying,
15:10
Speaker 3: and we know that, you know, we're all probably having
15:13
Speaker 3: different variations of no, not great, but here is what
15:19
Speaker 3: I'm going through. We have a conversation about mental health
15:22
Speaker 3: these days that we definitely didn't have a year year
15:25
Speaker 3: and a half ago.
15:26
Speaker 2: Okay, so now we have established what negative self talk is.
15:30
Speaker 2: Who may kind of be a little bit more prone
15:33
Speaker 2: to it? But the next thing on our agenda here
15:35
Speaker 2: is how to address it. So what's one of your
15:38
Speaker 2: first tips for dealing with negative self talk?
15:42
Speaker 3: Number one, know that it's happening, is recognize when it's happening,
15:47
Speaker 3: and be and stop. Stop in the moment, just stop
15:50
Speaker 3: yourself to recognize and acknowledge. We often get into habits,
15:55
Speaker 3: our behavioral habits, but mental and emotional habits as well.
16:00
Speaker 3: We don't even know that we're doing it. We're sort
16:02
Speaker 3: of three steps beyond it. And so just stopping and
16:06
Speaker 3: recognizing when it's happening, that's step one. And then the
16:10
Speaker 3: other piece to that is, well, you know, now what
16:14
Speaker 3: do I do sort of recognize I'm doing it, and
16:17
Speaker 3: so the other piece to that is sort of spending
16:20
Speaker 3: intentional time building up some positive self talk. With a
16:25
Speaker 3: whole lot in between of understanding and sort of weighing out,
16:29
Speaker 3: which is why therapy is good, all right, well, what
16:31
Speaker 3: is real, what makes sense, and what doesn't make sense,
16:34
Speaker 3: and being able to filter through some of those things.
16:37
Speaker 2: I feel like often we refer to that as being
16:39
Speaker 2: able to separate fact from feeling, like fact, I have
16:43
Speaker 2: brown hair, feeling I'm afraid of heights.
16:46
Speaker 3: Right one hundred percent, And.
16:49
Speaker 2: That's something that and I feel like we'll get into
16:52
Speaker 2: this now as we talk about maybe some coping strategies
16:54
Speaker 2: or things that you can do when you're experiencing negative
16:56
Speaker 2: self talk. For me like talking about it again, going
17:00
Speaker 2: to therapy, being open about what I was dealing with
17:03
Speaker 2: in my anxieties.
17:04
Speaker 1: That's where I started to.
17:06
Speaker 2: Learn about how to combat that negative inner dialogue. Not
17:09
Speaker 2: to say, of course, please God, like yesterday this morning.
17:12
Speaker 2: I'm always dealing with how I'm how I'm filtering negative
17:15
Speaker 2: self talk, but I would say that that was one
17:18
Speaker 2: of the steps that I took to help me get
17:20
Speaker 2: more acquainted with it and understand the differences as you
17:24
Speaker 2: as we just articulated between fact and feeling, and going
17:27
Speaker 2: to therapy helped me to do that.
17:30
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, and it's a process. I think that's why
17:33
Speaker 3: I always start with wait, stop and recognize it because
17:37
Speaker 3: there's a number of ways to combat it. And it
17:40
Speaker 3: can be about, oh, hey, here's here's what I'm doing.
17:43
Speaker 3: Let me just take five deep breaths, sort of shake
17:46
Speaker 3: it off, let me focus on something, you know what,
17:50
Speaker 3: whether it is the activity that we're doing, you're doing,
17:52
Speaker 3: whether it's combating and understanding that what you're what, how
17:58
Speaker 3: you're reacting, is you are feeling or isn't quite true.
18:02
Speaker 3: We have skewed perspectives often of ourselves and what's going on,
18:06
Speaker 3: and then spending some time, you know, we don't have
18:10
Speaker 3: to be I think the myth also is that affirmations
18:14
Speaker 3: or positive self talk is always you know, right, shiny, wonderful,
18:18
Speaker 3: happy things. But it really doesn't have to be. It
18:21
Speaker 3: can simply be about reality based you know, examples of
18:26
Speaker 3: it's too complicated. You know, there's no way that I'm
18:28
Speaker 3: ever going to do it. It can be as simple as
18:30
Speaker 3: you know what. Maybe not, but I'm just going to
18:31
Speaker 3: go ahead and try. So, just some real reality speak. Right.
18:37
Speaker 2: We've talked about recognizing that negative self talk is happening,
18:41
Speaker 2: working on and practicing positive self talk, and that sometimes
18:44
Speaker 2: can be reality based. What else can someone do if
18:49
Speaker 2: they feel as though they are just really struggling with
18:53
Speaker 2: this negative inner dialogue?
18:55
Speaker 3: Exploring it right, So that's where I think therapy comes
18:57
Speaker 3: in to understand, So exploring it with a therapist, with
19:02
Speaker 3: a trusted friend. And also it seems like it might
19:06
Speaker 3: be a skew, but one of the things that I
19:08
Speaker 3: think is really important is to take a look, zoom out,
19:12
Speaker 3: take a look at everything that's going on in your
19:14
Speaker 3: life right now, because if we if we just focusing
19:18
Speaker 3: sometimes on that negative self talk, we're sort of losing
19:21
Speaker 3: the you know, force through the tree, sort of missing
19:24
Speaker 3: out on you know, what else are what else is
19:26
Speaker 3: going on in your life? Takes take life, takes some
19:28
Speaker 3: inventory of you know, how are you sleeping, how are
19:34
Speaker 3: you eating? What does your self care look like? What's
19:37
Speaker 3: going on within your relationships, what's going on at work?
19:40
Speaker 3: When I say self care, too, I think just lifestyle exercise.
19:44
Speaker 3: You know what, what are all of these areas in
19:47
Speaker 3: your life? What do they look like right now? And
19:50
Speaker 3: take some inventory because there's probably other things that might
19:53
Speaker 3: also need to be acknowledged or addressed.
19:57
Speaker 1: And in that.
19:58
Speaker 2: I mean the beauty of that is being able to
20:01
Speaker 2: discover and articulate what certain pattern behaviors might be.
20:04
Speaker 1: Correct.
20:07
Speaker 3: Yes, let's if we want to talk about that a
20:09
Speaker 3: little bit more of pattern behaviors of anything that's not
20:14
Speaker 3: self serving to you, So pattern behaviors of Sometimes we
20:20
Speaker 3: also get caught in acceptance of things that are not
20:23
Speaker 3: healthy for us or negative or toxic, and we don't
20:25
Speaker 3: necessarily do anything about them because they're just so familiar
20:29
Speaker 3: and so part of our lives that it does take
20:33
Speaker 3: an outside intervention to speaking about it, to shake it
20:37
Speaker 3: up and to recognize what isn't serving us anymore.
20:41
Speaker 2: Definitely, And you were talking earlier about just this idea
20:45
Speaker 2: of zooming out and looking at life as a whole,
20:47
Speaker 2: and I speak from experience and that I certainly try
20:53
Speaker 2: that approach quite often. It's like, Okay, this one thing
20:56
Speaker 2: is going bad, but relatively speaking to everything else that's
21:00
Speaker 2: going on in my life, I'm healthy, my family is healthy,
21:03
Speaker 2: et cetera, et cetera. What do you tell a person
21:06
Speaker 2: who you know they're really working on zooming out? But
21:09
Speaker 2: like sometimes it's just like shoot, like can I just
21:12
Speaker 2: have this minute? Because I think society almost is just
21:17
Speaker 2: like zoom out, like everything's fine, like you are fine,
21:20
Speaker 2: but sometimes like can't we just feel this?
21:23
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
21:24
Speaker 3: Yes, Well, there's two things that I think that you
21:27
Speaker 3: mentioned that are really important. So the first is that
21:30
Speaker 3: that's the difference. Also, so if you're zooming out and
21:33
Speaker 3: you're saying, you know what, let me get some perspective,
21:36
Speaker 3: let's stop for a minute, let me acknowledge what's going on,
21:38
Speaker 3: let me zoom out, let me really take a look
21:40
Speaker 3: at the whole picture. But consistently, over and over again,
21:44
Speaker 3: you only see the negative or you feel really bad.
21:48
Speaker 3: I mean, that might lead into depression. It might be
21:51
Speaker 3: more than self talk. And so there's that piece that
21:54
Speaker 3: I think is important to recognize that we all have
21:57
Speaker 3: some of this negative self talk and stopping it and
22:00
Speaker 3: replacing these and taking a look at the entirety and
22:03
Speaker 3: gaining some perspective. Those are things that are important. But
22:06
Speaker 3: if it's not helping, it might be something more than that.
22:10
Speaker 3: But then you also mentioned I mean there's two things.
22:12
Speaker 3: Stopping it also, and zooming out can either help you say,
22:15
Speaker 3: oh wait a minute, this is actually a problem that
22:17
Speaker 3: I need to do something about. And so let me
22:20
Speaker 3: acknowledge that because productivity and addressing a problem eric can
22:24
Speaker 3: be really helpful and alleviating. But then also sitting through
22:29
Speaker 3: those feelings, just being feeling how you feel and sitting
22:34
Speaker 3: through that is a skill and it takes practice and
22:37
Speaker 3: it's super uncomfortable, but it's also something that is a
22:41
Speaker 3: really healthy skill to learn to deal with because if
22:45
Speaker 3: we can sit through that, and we can endure and
22:48
Speaker 3: build up that tolerance, we're moving to the other side
22:51
Speaker 3: of that in a productive, healthy way as well. And
22:54
Speaker 3: that's also okay to just not be okay. We don't
22:57
Speaker 3: necessarily always have to fix it, or there might not
23:00
Speaker 3: be a fix for sure.
23:02
Speaker 2: And I think what you said, it's okay not to
23:04
Speaker 2: be okay. It's just so important to recognize that and
23:06
Speaker 2: to understand that sometimes these negative thoughts, you know they're
23:09
Speaker 2: coming because you've worked really hard at something and it
23:12
Speaker 2: didn't go as you had hoped, and you don't work
23:15
Speaker 2: hard at things to quote unquote fail at them. But
23:18
Speaker 2: when you can sit with it, learn from it, and
23:21
Speaker 2: then move forward from it, that's the important thing. It's
23:24
Speaker 2: not that you're not allowed to feel sad or feel
23:27
Speaker 2: angry or experience these negative thoughts. What's important is what
23:32
Speaker 2: you do with them.
23:34
Speaker 3: So well said, it is the difference between oh, okay,
23:38
Speaker 3: so this happened and I'm disappointed. That's a human emotion.
23:42
Speaker 3: So I'm going to allow myself to feel disappointed, and
23:45
Speaker 3: I can also feel really proud and happy with myself,
23:50
Speaker 3: and so being able to embrace all of that is important.
23:54
Speaker 3: Negative self talk is when it's really you know, when
23:56
Speaker 3: we're talking about just being really skewed and not being
24:00
Speaker 3: able to look at the positive but simply focusing on
24:03
Speaker 3: the negative. But there is such value in just saying, yeah,
24:07
Speaker 3: that didn't go as planned. I'm really disappointed. I'm gonna
24:09
Speaker 3: feel disappointed.
24:11
Speaker 2: Right right, Okay, So right now, if you had to
24:14
Speaker 2: offer a piece of advice to someone that does feel
24:18
Speaker 2: like they're kind of in that stuck place, right in
24:20
Speaker 2: the place where they can't get out of the negative
24:23
Speaker 2: self talk pattern, would you say, I'm assuming number one,
24:27
Speaker 2: talk to somebody.
24:29
Speaker 3: Number one, talk to somebody just to get us through
24:32
Speaker 3: that stuck point. It really does help when you have
24:36
Speaker 3: somebody to talk to to sort of put all of
24:38
Speaker 3: the pieces out there and figure out, Okay, you know,
24:43
Speaker 3: here are my strengths here's what I need to do.
24:45
Speaker 3: Here's some perspective. Number One, if you're finding yourself in
24:48
Speaker 3: those periods where you just can't get out of that stuckness,
24:52
Speaker 3: go ahead and reach out for help and allow someone
24:54
Speaker 3: to help you through that piece that moment.
24:57
Speaker 2: I think all of these strategies that we are articulated
24:59
Speaker 2: today super super helpful. And I really appreciate what you
25:04
Speaker 2: got into about describing, like the four different types of
25:08
Speaker 2: negative self talk. I guess I've never heard someone articulate
25:10
Speaker 2: those before.
25:12
Speaker 3: Yeah, and they really do. I think when we articulate
25:15
Speaker 3: them and they fit into those categories, we can recognize
25:18
Speaker 3: what we're doing a little bit more and understand it
25:21
Speaker 3: and then be able to then pull it apart and
25:24
Speaker 3: combat it in a more effective way.
25:26
Speaker 1: For sure.
25:27
Speaker 2: Well, doctor Service, I appreciate you so much for giving
25:30
Speaker 2: us your wisdom for talking us through negative self talk
25:33
Speaker 2: and how to better be equipped to handle it when
25:36
Speaker 2: it arises in the future. For the hurdlers that want
25:40
Speaker 2: to keep up with you and want to follow along
25:42
Speaker 2: with Talkspace, how do they do so?
25:44
Speaker 1: Where can they find you?
25:46
Speaker 3: Yes, talkspace dot com and the Talkspace blog is under
25:50
Speaker 3: Talkspace Voice the talkspace Voice dot com. Our blog has
25:56
Speaker 3: a ton of information, and of course our Instagram is well.
26:01
Speaker 3: Check out all of our content there, tons of mental
26:04
Speaker 3: health insight and information.
26:07
Speaker 2: Beautiful. I'm over at Emily a Body and at Hurdle Podcast.
26:11
Speaker 2: Another Hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next time.