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Excuse My Grandma's Guide to Etiquette · Excuse My Grandma

• 0:00
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• 0:40
  Your next obsession is waiting. Watch Welcome back to another episode of Excuse My Grandma. It's Kim and my co hosts.
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: Grandma Gail.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: Grandma, what's new with you?
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: Well, since I've seen you yesterday, not much.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: I know, I feel like there's less to catch up on when we're actually in because the same we're talking outside of the podcast. Correct. Versus I feel like some co hosts, they only see each other once a week when they have to record and they have a list of things they need to catch up on. Sometimes we don't see each other for weeks.
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but this week we do. I think the only difference would be, is my hair the color all right? Or is your hair all right? I mean, we see each other 20 fourseven. But what's doing is that it's been a beautiful week.
• 1:43
  You know, all the noise around Florida is sort of going away since the boats have left, so we're not hysterical. But now, actually, I think the National Football League is here. So I see all the football players and all the paraphernalia being set up where I live.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Since so it's going be a when is Palm Beach such a thing?
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: I think it's become a very big convention area. And so they have big, big events here because the hotel is a bit
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: They always had that,
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: though, yeah. Yeah, but I think springtime now is even the busiest because the weather's the best. They can set up the tents properly. And, you know, they had a big tennis tournament last week for the first time here because they put grass tennis courts in, which are magnificent. And there was a big tennis tournament.
• 2:32
  -You thought
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: that was Miami?
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: -It was in Miami, and they had one up here. You know, part of the old tennis players played up here, and the courts were beautiful. They all were -The old ones? -Well, like Agassi and Steph Yeah, they were old tennis stars. It wasn't Coco Graff.
• 2:48
  Coco was in Miami, and she lost, unfortunately. So she's taking some time out now. I read in the paper before the French Open.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: You like are my paper. You give me sports news, politics.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, no, and the biggest thing now is that I showed you that article in the post yesterday. I don't know if you read it on that all the Gen Zers are wearing the same outfits.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: Oh, you said you saved me the Oh, I didn't
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: see it. -Naturally, you didn't
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: -But I have seen on TikTok and stuff that people talk about it's like jeans, oversized jeans, a little crop top. -Right. And a leather jacket. But I
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: don't know what else they expect to wear.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: -Yeah, I know. Mean, that's all that's in the stores. -It's a style of that.
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: I just think some people wear the bomber jacket, some a longer jacket. I mean, it is the look what it is. Mean, we've gotten away from wearing formal wear. The young people are relaxed.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: But I guess people say they go out to a restaurant in New York and they see 15 girls walk in for dinner and they're in a uniform.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: Well, it's no different. Yeah, but I was looking on Instagram. Of course, you know I scroll all the time. And they had a whole Paris Fashion Week a couple of weeks ago. And everybody on the street, they looked different because they put it together But a little you can't be so They're also wearing the jeans, the sweater, the oversized jacket, the oversized trench coat.
• 4:10
  It's just how they put it together, which, you know, for some reason, when you walk in the streets of Paris and Milan, people don't look the same as New York. It's the
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: only way -It might be just like a placebo effect. No.
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: No. They tie their scarves differently. They they wear their bags a little differently. It's the same stuff. It's just how, like you say, put it together.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: Speaking of, I was scrolling through social media the other day, and I saw this couple that was out
• 4:38
  Speaker 4: for dinner. Think he might
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: have been a famous DJ or something. Well, they tried to go to a restaurant in Miami, but they turned him away because he was wearing a T shirt.
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: Oh, a lot of people want jackets.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah. But do you think that's like an outdated thing? Whether it's a fancy restaurant or just a trendy restaurant or whatever, like the no jeans or no T shirt rule to me seems outdated as you're saying that's what everybody wears.
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, but you know what? If you're going to a restaurant, know here I was just at some place Saturday night called the Carriage House, and a gentleman, a young couple, came in. And he was not wearing a jacket, they loaned him a jacket. No, I think anybody insists on wearing the ties anymore, no matter where you are.
• 5:19
  But, you know, it is somewhat If you're in some place that is beautiful, they don't want you to look grungy. You know, it's not part of the scene. It almost takes away from the scene.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I feel like generationally, there are manners that are kind of different. Like you would have expected to wear a jacket and tie. And also even with communication and things, we've talked about this, but there's certain etiquette rules of texting that I feel like generationally are different. Like you'll leave me a voicemail and I'm like, can you just text me?
• 5:51
  Like, I am not listening to a voice. To me, like a voicemail is like, Now you expect me to take time to listen to this?
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: Well, I think everybody is You know, that's a miscommunication amongst generations. I still use voicemails, but I know most of the young people just text.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: Well, also sometimes I text you and like three days later you're like, Yeah, I like that shirt. And I'm like, What are you talking about? And then I realized you're referring to a text from three days before.
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: Because I really don't look at my texts. It's a different But
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: if a friend didn't respond to me for three days, I'd be like, She's mad at me. Something happened. So just there are etiquette rules for that.
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: And generational differences in how we approach it.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I think we need to discuss this further later in the episode. But first, let's do the drama club. This podcast, The Good Guys, which has Josh Peck who was as one of the co hosts who was on that show Drake and Josh that I used to watch on Nickelodeon.
• 6:48
  Speaker 4: Years ago, right.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: And he's so great. I actually just saw him speak at a meta event for some influencers at the Facebook offices, Instagram offices. But he finally had Drake, his old Nickelodeon co host, on his podcast and that was a long awaited thing. It's in two parts And I've seen some clips online and people are really interested to see them back together again. And then obviously there's that bad past that Drake unfortunately went through.
• 7:21
  I watched the documentary Quiet On Set. That was a year ago, I think.
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: I think so many, and we didn't know about it, so many of these child actors in the 60s and 70s.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: Oh, no. But this was the Yeah. Early
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: But it started even earlier than that. If you go back, there are a whole load of stories on this where people on set abused these children, whether they touched them or they did inappropriate speaking to them inappropriately. This was very it was a very sad moment, I think. And most of them are very deeply scarred from it, which this young man is now talking about openly.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's been talking about it
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: all Which is the healing for him, too. Yeah,
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: and mean, yes, the whole thing is so sad also because it's like you are confused and impressionable and you want a career They're you trying
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: to please their adults around them.
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: Then they distant the people in power. They distanced the children from their families, too.
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: Well, this doesn't only happen in acting. Know, it's happened in sports. So many of the women athletes have discussed their coaches and how they've inappropriately done things with them and ruined their lives. And, you know, when parents advocate their position of authority and hand it over to another adult, they better make sure that those adults are really But you can like
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: good
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: Because because you're really watching somebody and it's really sometimes, yes, it's the parents' involvement, but sometimes it's also just systematically like these institutions changing their ways and having things in place to make Well, sure they're taking care their
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: it's a lot of pretty sick people out there, let's face it. And unfortunately, they always go after the weakest. And children actors or children athletes or whatever, children scholars are the easiest prey because they are afraid to speak up. Right.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: And we've been talking about this issue now since the documentary. It's been like a year, as I said, but I think it'll be interesting also to be listening to the conversation with Josh because I feel like he was on set with him every day as children and he didn't even know what was going on. So hearing them relive it that way and they just had like the most fun dynamic. Well, I'm glad.
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: I'm glad he's starting to heal.
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm excited to listen. Okay, let's move on to the Grandma Report. This week there is an article in self.com talking about age gap relationships and they get a bad rap. Usually we get a lot of questions always asking, is it okay if we're this amount of time apart? But there are some tips that self magazine laid out of like how to actually make it work.
• 10:19
  But we've also seen it a lot more in the media. Like I think it was last year in Baby Girl, Family Affair, Bridget Jones. Like, they all portrayed those age gap relationships. So here's what they said
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: magazine as the tips. And I also think it's very individual, Kim, once you find the article, read a little bit. But I really don't think it's something that's of the norm. It's still not the norm.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: Find shared interests that transcend generations. I agree with that. Like you can connect with someone on regardless of their age. Approach your differences with curiosity so you can try out each other's hobbies, even if you think it might not be something you're interested in. You can embrace a trend from their generation.
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: I also think a lot of it's around sex. A younger guy for an older woman is very, very sexy. Women like a young guy. It's not a bad experience.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: I don't think that way.
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: You're very young. But if you were 50 year old without a permanent relationship and are looking for a young guy, the sex is certainly better with a young guy than a 50 year old. It's just the matter, its And
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: if the guy is into it, Yeah, absolutely.
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: That's why I say it's different things for different people. The only problem comes into it if you're making it a permanent relationship and then the younger man perhaps wants to have a child. A 50 year old woman cannot really have a child. She can. They can adopt a child to get a surrogate, I guess.
• 12:01
  But I think there are complications with this. But if you've already been married or if this is a second time around thing, I don't think it should matter at
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: all about
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: the age. It doesn't bother me at all.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: Article basically says that that
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: you should get on the
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: same page about your non negotiables as early as possible. Like if one person wants a family and one person doesn't. Exactly. That's the Then biggest you're aligned, move forward. And then like all relationships, it's like, don't let the minor issues fester.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: I don't think that's a minor issue. Age is not a minor issue. I mean, one or two years, but if you're eighteen, twenty years apart, it's really a major issue for reasons. And if you don't care about the problems that might arise with it, then go for it.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: Be happy. Yeah. I mean, I think it's like, for example, if one person has an insecurity of, Oh, I don't think you're going to like, I'm scared you won't be attracted to me as I get older. Talking about community. Right, taking care of them.
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: Taking care of The chances are in twenty years, a 50 year old will be 70 and the guy will only be 40.
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: It's a big age difference. Right, so openly talk about those things. And then it's like show the haters that you're a united friend. So like with your friends and your family, it helps to say, I hope you're happy for us and Exactly. Things like Let's do Grandma Gail's voicemail.
• 13:26
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• 13:45
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• 13:49
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• 14:07
  States at all major retailers near you with no ID, prescription, or age requirement needed. Together, we've got this. Follow Plan B on Insta at Plan B One Step to learn more. Use as directed. Remember, can always email us your questions, teamexcusemygramma dot com, teamexcusemygramma dot com, or send us a DM with a voice message or a message on Instagram and just say hi.
• 14:38
  Or you can leave us a voicemail. There's a link in our story highlights that you can just record it right there. And that's also in our Instagram bio. So this week someone wrote in, Hi, Kimmy Grandma Gail. My partner and I have been together for two years and recently moved in together.
• 14:54
  We get along really well, but I've started to notice little differences in how we handle social situations, especially at the dinner table. Uh-oh. I was raised to be mindful of things like not speaking with a mouthful, keeping phones away during meals, and waiting for everyone to be served before eating. My partner, on the other hand, is much more relaxed about these things and doesn't see them as a big deal. I don't want to come across as nitpicky, but I do think small gestures like these matter.
• 15:17
  What's the best way to bring this up without making it feel like I'm trying to correct them? I'd love any advice you have on balancing personal values with differences in a relationship.
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: Well, Kim, after two years of going out with somebody, you should see that he chews with his mouthful. So if that bothered you, which would have bothered me at the first couple of dates, either say something then or if ever hold your peace, you're already two years into a relationship. Part of the phone being on the table and being looked at, I just think that's basically rude.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: You can we say do that, right?
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, she should have said it before two years. These are things that are just things that make a difference in the evening. But I do think they are changeable. And it bothers me when we go out for dinner and I see everybody on the phone.
• 16:04
  I mean, unless you're a doctor and you have an emergency or you're the president of The United States, what's the big deal for two hours to put your phone over?
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: You know what though? Like, I do do it with you guys, but if I was on a date, I don't bring out my phone. If I'm on a one on one with my girlfriends, I think maybe it's the one on one thing. I feel like I have to be present. And if I wanna take out my phone to show them something, I'll say, can I take out my phone and show you this?
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: Oh, all right. Well,
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: that's But all if it's a group, I think I do just look at my phone because I figure that the rest of the conversation will keep going even if I'm looking at my phone.
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: I don't know. There's an ad on TV right now. It's just very cute. The insurance ad, a progressive ad, where they're all around the dinner table and the father says, Everybody put away their phone. And then all the members of the family have nothing to say to each other.
• 16:50
  And after about two seconds, he's, All right, take your phone out. We've become so involved with the phones that this is a basic problem. And I think it should stop when the kids are little. It bothers me terribly when I see the young people at the table, 10, 11, 12. They can't carry on the conversation.
• 17:07
  All they're doing is looking at their phone, and they're looking at nonsense. So I think that should have been brought up in the beginning. I think it's very hard after after two years of being with somebody to now start correcting your voice.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And I mean, you could say like, I know I haven't said anything. That's good, But I do feel like I'd love if you didn't chew with your mouth open. It's kind of giving The me creeps. The In like a, not such a serious way, but just be like, I mean, I don't know, Zach does this where if he blows his nose
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: Oh, I don't think we have talk about your boyfriend's blowing his nose on
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: a I was like, please do it in the bathroom. Like, dad does it too. Like, he'll do it in the kitchen. I'm like, I don't want to hear someone blowing their nose. Like, and then now he just says it in the bathroom.
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: But it's a normal bodily function.
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: I don't wanna hear it.
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: Oh, well that's your problem.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: So whatever, I think you can say that.
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: Well I don't think it should be done at the dinner table.
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. So Grandma, we talked a lot about manners and etiquette. So I think it's time to bring in an expert who can kind of settle some of these discussions. So we're going to bring in someone who knows a lot about etiquette. So I'm going go get her.
• 18:11
  Okay. Okay, Grandma and I were talking earlier about all the generational differences of manners and etiquette. So we're so excited because we're finally bringing in an expert to settle some of these discussions. Alison Shepherdock, if you follow her, she's the Elevate Etiquette on Instagram. And we're excited to
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: talk to you. Thanks for joining.
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: She's so beautiful. It's a pleasure
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: looking at her. Thank you. So happy to be here.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: So you've been a certified etiquette expert for years. Would love to know how you got into it. So it actually started when my husband and
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: I were engaged to be married. We were 22 and I had all these wedding etiquette questions like, do all my cousins get a plus one or how do I invite a same sex couple in an invitation? And so I got myself my first etiquette book, which was the Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette. And I thought I would just turn to the pages that I needed to figure out the questions that I had. And I ended up reading it cover to cover.
• 19:07
  And at the time I was working as a television news reporter and an anchor. And then I went on to law school and I just kept reading about soft skills and emotional intelligence. And eventually I got a certification and got into it even more.
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: See, when it was my time, Emily Post was the one and you really literally read that book from cover to cover when you did something because there was a protocol. Right. It was so different than today.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like now it wouldn't be expected to read a book like that. Like until you run into a certain problem, you weren't thinking about picking up the book. I don't know, I do feel like it probably takes a big weight off of your back once you know, okay, I'm doing the right thing.
• 19:51
  Speaker 4: Exactly, because then it's not like it's my opinion that it should be done this way, this is the way things are done. So it can be less offensive or controversial.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Okay. So I'm excited to actually pull you now and settle some discussions. So we'll do some rapid fire dating, party, table manner etiquette questions. And then I'm thinking maybe you'll say what you think, Grandma.
• 20:14
  I'll say what I think and then Alison will tell
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: us what The the right thing to do
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: right thing.
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: Love
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: it. Okay. So let's talk about dating first because we talk about that a lot. The question of, I used to get all the time, why are you still single? That a lot of people like to ask women.
• 20:33
  Do you think that's rude, Grandma?
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, think it's insensitive. I don't know if it's rude. You're single either because you haven't found the right fellow or you want to be single. I mean, it's not anybody else's business, but I don't always think that it's done meanly. I think they look at you and they see an attractive, intelligent woman and they think the norm is to have a mate.
• 20:58
  Right. And that has become a very different thing in 2000 the February.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: So how do you think you should ask that question, I guess? I don't think I I
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: don't I don't think at all. I I the only way I would ever ask it is if, are you still single and would have someone that might be very nice if you're still unattached that I'd love to fix you up with?
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: Right, I think you're right in that asking, are you seeing anyone? Then why are you curious unless you do have a setup or something like that?
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: Is it Everybody very has a setup.
• 21:30
  Speaker 4: You found that out.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: For me, but I don't know. People, it's hard sometimes, but Alison, you say?
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: I agree with Grandma. I think it's a rude question because implicit in it is like, what's wrong with you? Please explain to me why this hasn't worked out yet. So that's not a great setup. And then if you ask them something like, are you seeing anyone?
• 21:49
  I think that's appropriate if you're close with them. I wouldn't necessarily ask someone in a work setting. I think that can be a little awkward, but you want to be sensitive when you're asking these things, even though I think you're right that a lot of people do ask it and they think that they're being complimentary, it's not usually received that way.
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: We find it on the street. They used to ask, Oh, I have somebody to fix Kimberly up with. That's because we talk openly about,
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: or I used to talk about being single so much, but most people don't walk around doing that.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: Oh, hope not. I hope not.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: But here's another dating one. How to exit a bad date? Do you have to fit through it? Is there a certain excuse you use? What do you think the right thing is?
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: Well, you know what? Everybody always has a bad date, and it's one night. So unless somebody is really being abusive, And then if they are, I put my napkin down at the table and say, I have to leave now. But if somebody's just not your cup of tea, you spend the evening. What's the big deal?
• 22:47
  It's a couple of hours out of your life. I mean, you're not deciding the world's future
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: Over this dinner. But it's a tricky thing. Not everybody is gonna be your cup of tea.
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: I think I feel the same. I would usually bite the bullet, but there were some times where the waiter wasn't coming over, would go on and on. And I had to be like, sorry, I have a early day at work tomorrow. Do you think we could get the check? Or I would say, I did this once.
• 23:16
  I was like, my back really hurts on this couch. I think we need to leave. But how would you say we should exit a date politely?
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: So I would say it starts with also setting up the date well. So if you're doing something that doesn't have a fixed end time to it, that's when it can become more awkward. I think if you agree to a coffee or if you agree to a dinner, there's more of a traditional cadence to the meal where it's like the dinner will be over and then you go along your way. But if you're like having drinks or you're hanging out on the couch, then it becomes a little more awkward. So I think in the beginning, say that you have something or say that you can say for a certain amount of time and just commit in your mind to, I'm going stick it out until that time.
• 23:58
  And then you leave regardless
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: of how it goes. That's a good tip. In other words, on a first or second or even a third date say, I really am working the next day. I'd love to have dinner with you, but I really have to make it an early Well,
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: don't know. Do you have to preface it before you even get there? I don't think you have to say, I wanna have an early date.
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: Well, but I think somebody has to know the parameter of Or
• 24:18
  Speaker 4: also be careful. Like don't agree to be on a boat all day or something like that. An endless date. Exactly. Yeah.
• 24:26
  An endless
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: I think when you're making the plan, you make a plan that you know has a Beginning and an Beginning and an end. Yes.
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: That's That's good very good advice.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: Okay, last dating one. When the bill comes, do you, I used to say I would do the reach and be like, Oh, can I, and kind of go into my bag with no real expectation of taking my wallet out? Do you have to offer to pay if that's not what you want in the dynamic? Grandma?
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: I would always turn this over. You know, I never had this, so I really don't know. The men always paid when I was dating, even if it was a hot dog or a Diet Coke or Coca Cola. So I still think the male or whoever initiated the date. It's really more about who asked who out.
• 25:16
  If the woman asked the fellow out, then you know what? It's her date. She's done it. And most men would say, Oh, please let me do it. But that's a very individual thing.
• 25:28
  I like when the man picks up the bill and I still like it. I don't think I've ever picked up a bill
• 25:34
  Speaker 4: in my life. So I agree whoever does the inviting or the initiating or coming up with the idea, they should be prepared to pay because they're setting the budget for whatever the But extra money is going to then once you have that first date, if things are more serious and you're going to start seeing them, then have an open conversation about what works the best for you. Because what works the best for one couple isn't going to work the best for another. So that's how I would approach it.
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: And also, think going along with that, in the beginning you don't know the finances. Many women make more money than men and therefore more able to pay if you want to go for an expensive dinner or a little
• 26:12
  Speaker 4: But even if a you make
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: more money than a man, you still might not want to pay.
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: Well, you might not wanna pay, but you're putting the other person in an uncomfortable situation that he can't afford to do. So either you have to scale back your expectation of what a date should be and maybe just have park bench
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: Well, by the way though, I think obviously there's spectrums of this, but even if a guy isn't making a ton at their job, they can still save enough. It's just a dinner.
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: I know, but it becomes very expensive when dating occurs. Don't you agree? I mean, I don't know. I think nobody goes out anyway. If you go to a movie now, it's $50 So think it's a lot of money.
• 27:02
  And it becomes, I I think that's why so many guys who are starting out don't date because they can't afford to go out. They'll go for a drink some place at a bar. They they can't make a commitment. I think finances play a very big part in dating.
• 27:19
  Speaker 4: Yeah, think so too. And I think it comes back to communication. Agree.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Okay, let's talk about parties. I feel like we, is it rude to leave a party early or maybe it's not early, maybe it's one of those parties that goes hours on end. Do you have to say goodbye to the host? Or I like If it's a lot of people, I do tend to Irish exit which is just escaping out the back door.
• 27:46
  If it's a dinner party of 10 people, obviously, I'm gonna say goodbye, but I'm curious what you both think.
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: Well, you know, a a big party, there's no reason that you have to say goodbye. You could always call the next day or text the next day. Shouldn't say call because nobody calls anymore but me and say you had a wonderful time and sorry I didn't say goodnight. But I think if it's a small group, you have to stay to the
• 28:11
  Speaker 4: end
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: and you've obligated for the evening. If you're not having a good time, that's your problem. You just have to stick it out and you definitely have to say goodbye and thank you to your hostess.
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: I agree. And I think it depends on the size of the party and you want to, like, let's say it's a really large party connect with the host at some point during the party. And if you know that you need to leave a little bit early, you could let them know. You also want to be careful about when you leave. So you don't want to leave and create like this domino effect.
• 28:41
  Everybody leaves. So you wanna be really discreet, maybe make eye contact, maybe you say thank you so much, we're gonna slip out now. So just be sensitive. And if you ever in a situation where it's a small party where people would be concerned or worried about you, then that's definitely the moment where you do say goodbye.
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: Right, right, absolutely. And you know, I must say, we have a couple of couples and it's very annoying. The fellow at exactly quarter of ten, you know he's getting up and it breaks up the party. And I almost feel those people should stay home. Really shouldn't come because it ruins the evening for the hostess and you know they're gonna do it and then when they get up there's a whole group around them saying oh he's leaving so let's leave so I think you have to be a little more considerate of your hosts and it really isn't fair you put so much time and effort into creating the evening.
• 29:30
  You know, it's one night, just suck up, spend the evening and enjoy it.
• 29:36
  Speaker 4: And on the other side of things, you don't want to be the people that are always the last last to leave.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: Right, yeah,
• 29:40
  Speaker 5: that's true.
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: I never thought of that. Yeah, because that
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: the hosts that's never wanna get out.
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: They wanna get them out.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: Exactly. Okay, with plus ones and parties.
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: Glad you're bringing that up. Because I find this very strange now.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: With weddings? Yeah. Okay.
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: Because everybody's older now that Kim is friendly with and they're sort of at that stage.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: Who gets a plus one, who doesn't? Can you be offended if you don't get a plus one?
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: Well, I want the boss to tell us Okay, what she
• 30:09
  Speaker 4: in a perfect world every adult gets a plus one. Financially, I think that can be difficult for people. So you have to make some decisions. Also if you know someone is single but you also know that they know a lot of other people like maybe it's a cousin and all their family is going to be there, they're not going to be lonely if they don't have someone with them and they're not seeing anyone. It's like they have to go through this effort to find someone.
• 30:34
  So that kind of thing Yeah, could be so I think there's a lot of factors to consider also, is this a destination wedding and you're expecting them to travel all by themselves without a date? So that's a factor too, but it's a tricky one.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of single people at the wedding and you know that they'll know each other, maybe not. But if you're only inviting three single people and not giving them plus ones, it's not the best. Right, like if you're,
• 31:03
  Speaker 4: let's say you're inviting like two tables of college friends and they all know each other.
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: Then they don't need a plus one.
• 31:09
  Speaker 4: They don't need a plus one. But if you're inviting like a mentor who doesn't know anybody and they're maybe not in a relationship, give them a plus one. Right, if they want. Yeah and then it's up to them. Give them the option.
• 31:20
  But very, very traditionally if you're budget allowed everyone who's 18 and older would be.
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: Wow, that's interesting.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: Because my friends are all like, if you're not engaged, you're not getting
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: a plus one. I can appreciate that.
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: Expensive because it costs thousands of dollars for these people.
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: But weddings are more fun with a date.
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this isn't the point. This isn't a regular party.
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: But you want your guests to have fun, right?
• 31:44
  Speaker 4: It's tough because people look back at their wedding albums and they want to be able to like recognize
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: Get on the people. Exactly.
• 31:51
  Speaker 4: And they want to feel like these people are still in our lives years and years later. And it's like, oh, this was this person that my girlfriend was dating for a hot second.
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: For five seconds. Exactly. Now they're in my wedding photos. Exactly. No question about that.
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: Okay, let's talk about parties on a smaller scale. Let's say you're having a dinner party. We always get asked about hosting gifts and things like that. So what is the proper etiquette? Should you always bring something with you versus sending flowers or something the next day?
• 32:22
  I know I feel like I've heard don't bring flowers or something that night because it could kind of ruin the aesthetic of whatever they planned in their home. So is there a right way to do that?
• 32:32
  Speaker 4: So it depends on the event. In general, flowers are a lovely gift but if it's something that, let's say the decor is already really dialed in and they already have flowers arranged for the event, then it's probably not the moment to bring flowers that day. Even if it is an event where it would be appropriate to give flowers, like it's a small dinner party, they'll have a centerpiece, but they can put something on an end table or a counter or something like that. Bring flowers but make sure that they're already in water because if you don't do that Right
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: and they're looking for a I boss like the little small orchid plant that you could always bring in a little, comes in a self container and if you wanna bring a flower or the next day send the
• 33:10
  Speaker 4: orchid plant.
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: My thing is usually if my friends are having a birthday party or something at a restaurant I wanna bring them a birthday gift, but then I feel like if we're not going home after and we're going out but maybe they are going home I'm never sure if I should bring something with me because if other people at the party are bringing something and then I was planning on sending something the next day I don't want them to feel
• 33:32
  Speaker 4: You like I can just tell them that and also with flowers you could say like let's say you had an invitation to a party and it's a little ways out you could say I'd love to contribute flowers and let me know your preferences or something like that or you could send them flowers the day. So there's nothing wrong with that. It's just a matter of your personal preference. And if you're ever the one who's having the birthday and some people give gifts and some people don't, I wouldn't open them in person because then you're paying attention.
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: Well, that's a nice footnote.
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: Is it a taboo to open, even if Vince in your home or something, feel like with bridal showers and things they do this, but like open up the presents everyone got you.
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: As long as everybody did it.
• 34:12
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: You can't do it if some of the people
• 34:16
  Speaker 4: It's also a very cultural thing. So in America, have this custom of opening gifts in front of people. I mean like being so effusive with our praise and saying how much we love it. Whereas like in many Asian cultures, would be so embarrassing and you would come across like you can't control yourself and you need to open something immediately.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: So
• 34:32
  Speaker 4: you want to read the room, but if it's a baby shower, if it's a bridal shower where it's an expected thing, do it and be aware, like move things along, like not everybody wants to hear every single detail. Every
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: item of clothing, lingerie that you got through your bridal shower, who cares? Exactly. And the other thing I was thinking for a hostess gift, knowing your couple, a lot of them love wine and if they are into that, that's also a great gift. It doesn't have anything to do with their table or anything and they can drink that after the party. And I sort of like to send it the next day.
• 35:09
  Always like you wine have to know they love California wine, they love, you know, Washington state wine.
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: Also, if I don't know, I mean, happen to know a little bit about wine, but if you don't know about wine and then you're just going to like a grocery store or something like don't it's the But is it just the thought because people can be picky with their wine.
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: Well you'd know that, you would know that if the fellow or the woman really is a wine owner.
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: You aren't gonna buy a 200 bottle of wine No, as a
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: but I think that you don't have to and you can still buy a nice little reserve, whatever. I think that it's sometimes better, especially for a man. I wouldn't send him an orchid plant or bring him a bouquet of flowers. I think a bottle of wine.
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: You know your audience.
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: You have to know your audience.
• 35:55
  Speaker 4: I think what's key if you give wine or a drink or something like that is that it's a gift for the host and they can choose to serve it then or at another time because otherwise it can come across as like you don't trust them to pick out good wine and so you're bringing it for yourself. Right.
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: Because if you're bringing something as your hostess gift like sometimes it's totally fine but I do have friends that if they're staying with me or something they'll bring like cookies for my parents, but then they eat the cookies.
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's all right. You're in
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: the house. My parents don't care, but it's just like that's an example, I feel like. Let's talk about table manners for a little bit. So grandma and I were discussing this before you came, but having your phone out at the dinner table, if it bothers you, is there a way to politely call the person out and say like do you
• 36:41
  Speaker 4: mind not having your phone out? I'd be really direct about it and I would start with I love spending time with you. I'm really happy that we have this time set aside and I've been really looking forward to this date. Let's try to be present with each other and just leave it at that or create some parameters. And whether you're on a date or you're with a friend or whatever, if you need to keep an eye on your phone, I recommend letting the person know in the beginning.
• 37:04
  So I have this important call that I'm expecting or I need to keep an eye on this specific thing. So then you're not, it doesn't come across like you're looking at every single notification that comes in. It's one specific thing. Yeah, I agree with that.
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: And it's usually not that. I mean, like there are some friends or my boyfriend who like I know he'll have to do work if we want to go to an early dinner. But with most of my friends, if we're at dinner and we're pulling out our phones, it's like to scroll or like check.
• 37:30
  Speaker 3: It's nonsense. It's nonsense. Also
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: with food, when you're at a restaurant, I feel like I know this but I want to set the story straight. If everyone's getting served and only like two people have their food or three people have their food,
• 37:49
  Speaker 4: like when can you start eating? Once everyone's served. Everyone. Unless someone says go ahead and begin like especially if you're at a wedding. If you're at a big thing and it's like four people have been served or six people have been served and they're waiting for some others then the people who haven't been served should say like go on and get started.
• 38:05
  Don't
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: have So dinner you always should say get started.
• 38:08
  Speaker 4: I think so and then also if you're ever at someone's home and the host says go right ahead and get started they really mean it.
• 38:14
  Speaker 3: I mean, because the food gets cold. Exactly. That's the issue.
• 38:17
  Speaker 4: Where it
• 38:18
  Speaker 3: used to be the rules, if two people get served, With plates are hot food, the hostess would say, please start because we don't want the rest of it to get cold. But you sort of wanna wait for the hostess to get served as well. It's a fine line to be If it's cold both salmon, can all wait or wait for each other.
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: I feel like our family always like kind of screams this at each other when we go out for dinner and two people get served and like, let's say Poppy starts eating and then my dad would be like, Why are you eating? I haven't been served. And then he's like, Two people have been served.
• 38:52
  Speaker 3: Well, used to be the rule to urge two people with hot food. Not if you're having sushi,
• 38:58
  Speaker 4: you can wait. What happens often with dinner parties, especially buffet ones, is the host is doing all this work to get everything served at the right temperature at the right time. And then she says, Dinner served, help yourselves. No one wants to be the first
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: person Everyone to get into the
• 39:13
  Speaker 4: keeps talking. Then the food gets cold and then people finally get their food. They sit down. And even though the host says go on and get started, no one wants to. And then the host is like, what
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: you really call this
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: work? Exactly. So
• 39:25
  Speaker 4: that's what happens.
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: And then with communication in general, I wanted to just like get your perspective on what our older audience who's listening, like how they can learn more about modern texting and communication. I feel like, for example, we were talking about this earlier but grandma doesn't think you have to respond to a text right away. Whereas if it was a friend, I'd be like, That's so rude. I know they're on their phone.
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: Well, I don't really look at my phone all night. It's not a matter that I shouldn't answer it, but don't keep my first, so at 05:00 my phone is retired. So I don't keep it during dinner. I don't ever take it with me unless there's an emergency, know, somebody doesn't I feel just think that's not part of my life. Now you young people, from the time you get up in the morning till the time you go to bed, the phone is next to you.
• 40:16
  It's like attached to your arm. So it's different. So I don't think older people can adjust that much to the phone situation and answering texts right away because it's not part of our lifestyle. Many that do, I mean, get texts all the time from friends the next day when I turn the microphone back on and I look at it, I'll answer the text. It's not an emergency.
• 40:40
  Hopefully,
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: hopefully. So when there's those generational divides, do we just have to not take it personally?
• 40:47
  Speaker 4: Yes, not take it personally and then also recognize that tone can be different. Like I remember once my sister sent a picture and it was her in like a beautiful gown with her boyfriend and my mom said something like, you look beautiful, hope you had a nice time and I sent like a ton of fire emojis and it's just like the generational difference. And my mom was probably just as excited but just communicates it really
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: well. Totally.
• 41:08
  Speaker 3: We don't express our way that way. If she called her on the phone and spoken, it would have come out differently. It's just what you used to.
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay so with Passover and Easter coming up and a lot of people are going to be hosting and having dinner parties and everything else, we thought we would do a little crash course of just how to do a proper table setting. I always end up like calling you, I get confused. I don't post a lot. Also, there's certain things about like how to hold our cutlery and our wine glasses, we're gonna go through all that.
• 41:40
  Speaker 3: I think that's one of the biggest problems with young children. I saw my granddaughter who was a teenager, she's just a teenager now, but they can't cut their meat because their parents have been cutting their meat and how to hold the knife and the That's a very interesting thing that we used to learn as children. At the dinner table, our parents would, and they would hit us with a knife if we weren't doing it right or with a fork and try to teach us. I don't know how much teaching parents do with their kids anymore because everybody's eating differently, but let's do it.
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: Okay, we have out our table setting. Allison's gonna tell us everything that we need to know.
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: Her basic one.
• 42:19
  Speaker 4: Her basic one. So by looking at your table setting, you can see how many courses that you'll have. So here we have an appetizer course or salad course and then we have a dinner course and we have our napping on the left. It could also be on the center if you're ever tight for space. So if you are at a restaurant you want to put your napping in your lap as soon as you sit down.
• 42:36
  If you're at a private home, you want to wait until the host does so first. And the reason for that is because you don't want to come across like you're rushing the host along and like they're serving you. So you want to act like you don't have a care in the world. With your utensils, you want to work from the outside in. So that means we have our salad fork and knife here, and then we have our dinner fork and knife here.
• 42:56
  The way that you hold them is you want to make sure that your pointer finger is always straight.
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: That's very important. When can I
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: borrow one and see what I I don't know what I do? Hold on. So if I am
• 43:12
  Speaker 4: Do I do that? But think I do
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: But does it have to be like Basically for people who are just listening, your fingers have to be straight. I feel like I kind of curl that.
• 43:24
  Speaker 3: With their mask up, good.
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: It has
• 43:25
  Speaker 4: to be like that. Like that.
• 43:27
  Speaker 3: All
• 43:27
  Speaker 4: right. That's like a very slight difference. Yeah.
• 43:32
  Speaker 3: Very important for young people to learn how to hold their knives and forks because it's really going out to restaurants as you get older, some of them like tear the meat apart. They really don't understand the concept of cutting a piece of meat or anything or a salad or anything you half.
• 43:49
  Speaker 4: And then when you're cutting things, you want to cut just a piece or two at a time, unless we're cutting for a child, you don't cut an entire steak and then eat it one piece at a time. You also notice that the blades of the knife are always facing in and that comes from a time when we were showing that we came in peace because knives are like a weapon. To point them towards people that
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: were beside you. Sorry, that's when you're finished?
• 44:11
  Speaker 4: No matter what. When the table is set, you always have the knives facing in. And then also whether you, so this is your resting position. So let's say you're enjoying a meal and you're just taking a break. This is what you do.
• 44:24
  So for those who are listening, your fork is placed with the tines down. So like the pointy part of the fork is the tines and it's crossed over the knife, just like that. In the center of
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: the plate.
• 44:35
  Speaker 4: In the center of the plate. And then when you're finished, you would go like this. And this is what we call the silent service code. So the server doesn't need to come over to everybody and ask like, you still enjoying?
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: Are you finished?
• 44:45
  Speaker 4: They just see that your plate is That's
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: how the fork and knife are face up parallel
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: to the
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: plate. I didn't realize, I thought you do that every time you put your silverware down, but then people would think I was finished if I was in the middle. That makes sense that there's different
• 45:01
  Speaker 4: And it's even, this is getting really technical here, but if you had a sauce or anything like that, you would want to put it towards the bottom of your plate, and it's practical because then you're less likely to spill because it's closer to you, and then any discards you have, so that could be like a lemon rind or like an edible flower that you're actually not going to eat, bones, anything like that, you would put in like On the side. On the side to the top left corner.
• 45:25
  Speaker 3: Okay, they have, I love it. Great, I'm glad.
• 45:28
  Speaker 4: And so we see here we have our appetizer plate and then we also have our dinner plate. In a more formal meal, we might have a charger. We don't eat off of chargers. They're just beautiful things that look like dinner plates, but they're the first thing that you see when you sit down for a table. And we have our wine glass here and our water water glass.
• 45:46
  When you're holding anything with a stem, you want to hold it by the stem like this. And there's a couple of reasons here. First is that it preserves the temperature of whatever you're drinking. So wine in particular is served at a very specific temperature and the oil and the temperature of your hands can impact that. It also creates fingerprints over the glass and it just doesn't look very good compared to holding it like this.
• 46:10
  And the same principle would apply if you were holding a water glass like this with your fingers together because it's-
• 46:18
  Speaker 3: changes the temperature.
• 46:21
  Speaker 4: It changes the temperature and it's just more elegant than like the claw grafts, something like that.
• 46:25
  Speaker 3: Exactly, no claw grafts.
• 46:26
  Speaker 4: But with that, what questions can I answer?
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: Okay, so that's great. Easy. That's overwhelming.
• 46:33
  Speaker 3: I like the idea. I didn't know and I do it, but I didn't realize the reason for the knives facing forward. Thank you. That's a good thing.
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: If you are going to the bathroom or getting up in the middle of the meal, where
• 46:44
  Speaker 4: does your napkin go? Your napkin would go on your chair if you were getting up and you intend to come back. And if you are not coming, and ideally like in this situation we have an arm to our chair, so then I would put it on the arm of
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: because my
• 46:56
  Speaker 4: it's slightly more sanitary than where you actually sit. But if not, would put it on the seat of the chair and then when you're done, I would put my napkin to the left and you don't need to fold it like let's say you are at a restaurant where they have a really lovely fold, don't need to recreate that fold, Just put it to the left of your place.
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: Okay, the left. I didn't realize that. Sometimes I feel like I was putting it on the plate. That's no.
• 47:19
  Speaker 4: No, and when you think about that, someone needs
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: to clean the napkin eventually.
• 47:24
  Speaker 4: But That also brings up a good point about if you're ever hosting something you never want to use anything that's so precious that you're not able to enjoy yourself while your guests are going to feel on edge.
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: So if you're hysterical about the glassware don't use it.
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: Exactly. Okay, what if you're at a dinner party or just out for dinner and it's like family style kind of food, how do you know like who to serve first or like if you can serve yourself first?
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: No, I don't think you have to
• 47:55
  Speaker 4: yourself never serve
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: yourself first, so that's good.
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: I feel like I do, if I'm out with a bunch of girls and the food comes, like why can't you put food on your plate first?
• 48:03
  Speaker 4: It's a generous posture to just always offer other people. So like even if that's water, like let's say there's a pitcher of water that's right in front of me, I would offer it to the person on my left first and then if they would like some, I would pour it for them. And then I would pour myself and then in The US we pass to the right. And so you would go along like that and you always want to take one portion, even if there's a lot there, take one portion for yourself. And then once everybody else
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: does Don't take every single play of thing on the buffet.
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: So if you're on a date and food comes, should I say, can I serve you some first?
• 48:40
  Speaker 4: If you're, on a date only, I think if they were to your left. So you're seated right beside each other. Okay, not
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: forward. Not straight across. Oh, if it was
• 48:50
  Speaker 4: just the two of you? Yeah. Actually, would.
• 48:52
  Speaker 3: If you were going it's nice.
• 48:53
  Speaker 4: I think it's very nice.
• 48:55
  Speaker 3: I think there's a right
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: or a
• 48:56
  Speaker 3: wrong there.
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And also if you're ever
• 48:58
  Speaker 4: the host, you serve your guests before you serve yourself or your family.
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: When you're pouring wine, is there like a level it should be poured to?
• 49:08
  Speaker 4: Yes, so you don't want to go past the halfway point. Okay. And then
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: you were gonna show us something with tea or coffee like stirring? So
• 49:16
  Speaker 4: if we use Okay. Move this over here. It's
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: something I gave you the wrong teaspoon, but it's
• 49:24
  Speaker 4: It's alright.
• 49:25
  Speaker 3: It's the idea. It should be a smaller
• 49:26
  Speaker 4: spoon. Right. Yes. So if someone is right handed, we would put the handle of the teacup or the coffee cup is on the right hand side. So if we imagine this is like a clock and we have 12:00 at the top, it would be 03:00.
• 49:40
  Here is where we put the handle. And the way you hold a teacup and the way you hold a coffee cup are different, mostly because coffee cups are heavier so they involve like just more weight. If it was a coffee cup, I would hold it like this. Correct. And then if it was a tea cup, I would pinch my pointer finger and my thumb together and I would support it like this.
• 50:00
  Okay.
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I do Can I try?
• 50:03
  Speaker 4: It's very specific and honestly a lot of teacups are heavier You're these close, would just So pinch your pointer finger and your thumb then extend your third finger to support it there. Exactly.
• 50:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah. It's just a little more ladylike.
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: It's little more ladylike and
• 50:20
  Speaker 4: it works if you are really having like a proper afternoon tea So on
• 50:26
  Speaker 3: it's not as heavy as coffee.
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: Exactly. This is tea and coffee is
• 50:29
  Speaker 4: You would curl them together. Exactly. Yes.
• 50:33
  Speaker 2: I think I do that one.
• 50:34
  Speaker 3: I think you do. Okay. We do these things because we just use subconsciously. We And know how to do
• 50:40
  Speaker 4: then when it comes to stirring coffee or tea, we don't swirl like this. No. You go back and forth, back and forth, twelve-six, twelve-six. Oh, okay, great. And then just as a general matter, you don't blink like that because you want to protect the glass.
• 50:55
  You just kind of shake it, put it to the side like this. The same would go, and a lot of people do this when you're ever doing a cheers, you don't actually clink the
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: glasses. Just
• 51:05
  Speaker 3: touch it.
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: You make
• 51:08
  Speaker 4: eye contact. And then another thing that people often don't know is that if anyone is ever doing a cheers in your honor, you actually don't take a sip. So you should just smile and say thank you. To take a sip when someone is giving a toast in your honor is sort of like giving yourself a round of applause or singing happy birthday to yourself.
• 51:26
  Speaker 3: Even at a wedding?
• 51:27
  Speaker 4: Even at a wedding. Wow.
• 51:29
  Speaker 3: That's great
• 51:29
  Speaker 4: to know. Yeah. Like the two big things that happen at weddings all the time are the clicking of glasses to get everyone's attention. Which they
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: should be. Yeah. So how do you get everyone's attention?
• 51:38
  Speaker 4: I think that's a hard one.
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: And
• 51:44
  Speaker 4: then yeah you say thank you, you smile but you don't actually take a sip. Okay I'll remember that one.
• 51:50
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much. We learned
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: so much. This was such a great demo. As we wrap it up, anything else you want the audience or listeners to know and where they can follow you?
• 52:00
  Speaker 4: I would say don't be too nervous when it comes to etiquette. Oftentimes I think people think people are paying more attention to them than they actually are. I mean that in a good way. So I would think about that if you're ever feeling nervous, especially at any sort of like formal meal or big event or wedding. And in terms of connecting, I'm at Elevate Etiquette on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, threads, all the places, And so happy to be here.
• 52:24
  Speaker 3: So you had a great book.
• 52:25
  Speaker 4: I actually do have a book coming out.
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: Yay. Oh my gosh.
• 52:29
  Speaker 3: It will
• 52:30
  Speaker 4: be out next year. Okay. Great.
• 52:32
  Speaker 3: We're going to follow-up on that.
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah. It's
• 52:34
  Speaker 3: actually really needed now a new version.
• 52:39
  Speaker 4: '26. So I am working on my manuscript now.
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: Thank you. Thank you so much.
• 52:45
  Speaker 3: My So much fun having you. And we learned Yeah, a
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: I feel like I learned a lot with Alison. That was fun.
• 52:52
  Speaker 3: She's terrific. And I'm looking forward to her new book coming out next year because it's really an updated etiquette book for people today. Yes. We all need that.
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: To end out the episode, you and I should play a little game of should we bring it back, but with retro manners. Okay. So kissing on the cheek as a greeting, which we still kind of do, like it's, you know, being like, hi, how are you?
• 53:21
  Speaker 3: Cheeks. European style or just one cheek?
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: Well, I don't think I ever did European style. Did everybody used to do European style?
• 53:29
  Speaker 3: I don't know. It just depends. No, okay. I don't
• 53:32
  Speaker 2: think that's bad. Yeah. I think it's fine
• 53:35
  Speaker 3: But of course during COVID, nobody was kissing. So I think it really depends on if you have a cold, don't kiss somebody on the cheek.
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: What about getting the car door for a woman?
• 53:44
  Speaker 3: I still think that's polite. And I would not take that away. I think it's lovely.
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: Agree. Addressing like adults by their last name, like Mr. Or Mrs.
• 53:54
  Speaker 3: Whoever. I think that's depending on the age. If you're a teenager, you should address them by their
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: full name, not by their When first I would go to my friends' houses, I didn't say Mr. And Mrs.
• 54:05
  Speaker 3: Well, then that was their rules. They maybe like to be addressed by their first name, but I think it's properly done that it should be Mr. So and so, Mrs. So and so.
• 54:14
  Speaker 2: I don't know, I feel like that's been lost a little bit and that like in- More casual. To your friends I say Mr. And Mrs. But I would, to mom's friends, I would never say Mr. And Mrs.
• 54:24
  Like I know them by their Well, first know
• 54:26
  Speaker 3: them very well. Maybe it's a matter that you just know them better.
• 54:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, could be. Okay, having the man order your meal for you. So like you told him your order first and then when the waiter comes over, he orders for both of you.
• 54:40
  Speaker 4: Did that seem little strange?
• 54:43
  Speaker 3: Well, the man used to order. I mean, it was just a man, but I don't think anybody, I mean, I don't think anybody does that now. Unless you say like some men are connoisseurs of food or it could be the woman as well. And say, would you order for me? Whatever you have sounds wonderful.
• 54:59
  Sometimes I do that with your dad when he goes to her, he loves to order. And I say, oh, whatever he gets
• 55:04
  Speaker 4: is fine.
• 55:05
  Speaker 2: You can
• 55:05
  Speaker 3: order for me.
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: Because he over orders. You know that And
• 55:07
  Speaker 3: I he also like the way he orders. So I think it depends on the situation. I don't think there's anything wrong with it.
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: Think, I feel like it usually I'm sharing if I'm like out with Zach or something. So then whoever one of us feels like talking to the waiter, we just order for both of us. But it is kind of hard when both people are like, I'll have this. And then they're like, and also this. Like, I feel like one person does take over.
• 55:29
  Speaker 3: I don't know. No, I think the waiter could ask, what would you like?
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: What would
• 55:33
  Speaker 3: you like? No, I don't think that makes a fuss. But if somebody loves to order, let them order.
• 55:38
  Speaker 2: And then what about helping your date put their coat on? Well, I think
• 55:41
  Speaker 3: that's just blight. But now so many times when you're in that situation, there's a person in the Coke room helping you. But whichever way, I still think it's very nice.
• 55:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, think bring it back. Okay, quick AskRim Anything. People wrote in, what is your favorite memory of Kim as a little girl?
• 56:05
  Speaker 3: I think when she was very tiny, I used to love to just sit with her on the floor and play. I don't think there was any one memory. It was in a shared experience of activities. What
• 56:18
  Speaker 2: are things to see for someone's first time in Palm Beach
• 56:21
  Speaker 3: or do? Well, they certainly should go to the Kravis if they have if they like anything in the arts or to the Norton Museum, which are beautiful cultural things or the Flagler Museum, which is like a thing out of the 1890s. You see the old railroad station, the Art Nouveau architecture. There's a lot to see, but just enjoy the ocean and the weather. That's really the primary reason for why people come to Florida.
• 56:52
  And then there are lots of activities. The zoo is terrific. Don't even know what goes out
• 56:56
  Speaker 2: of my way to do those things as a first time visitor. Those are, I feel like, feel like you go to Worth Avenue.
• 57:03
  Speaker 3: But I think if you have children.
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: Maybe.
• 57:05
  Speaker 3: If you have children, there's some fun things to do.
• 57:08
  Speaker 2: I agree on the beach.
• 57:09
  Speaker 3: Was the wildlife place we used to go to that is still wonderful?
• 57:11
  Speaker 2: Lion Country Country Supply. Is that there?
• 57:14
  Speaker 3: Yes, it's absolutely there. And it's gotten bigger. So I think for daytime activities, if you have a family, some of those are fun to break up the day. You don't want to be in the sun that much, but there's a lot to do and just enjoy the weather and the people.
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: We'll get to some of these other questions on Instagram. So definitely follow us at ExcuseMyGrandma. We're everywhere you We're basically on every social media platform. So we will
• 57:42
  Speaker 3: see you next week. Bye.
• 57:48
  Speaker 5: Spring just slid into your DMs. Grab that boho look for that rooftop dinner, those sandals that can keep up with you, and hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up. Spring's calling. Ross, work your magic.