Latest / Motivation Mindset Podcast / Focus on Yourself, Not Others: Take Charge of Your Own Journey

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Focus on Yourself, Not Others: Take Charge of Your Own Journey · Motivation Mindset Podcast

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: When you quit, your mind does this because you're out.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Once you say I'm not gonna quit. This is the
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: forty percent. When you quit, your mind says we're done,
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: so it doesn't expand there's no expansion when you quit,
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: when you say fuck you, uh uh, this sucks. I'm drowning,
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: I'm miserable, I'm suffering, I'm broken, but I'm.
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: Not going anywhere. What happens to your mind is it
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: does this.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: It says he's not leaving, So we gotta expand we
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: gotta grow, We gotta figure this.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: Sing thing out.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: So then these compartments in your brain start to have
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: they have to work.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: They have to work, And.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: Then you start to engage parts of your mind and
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: you never engaged before. Small minds and weak people kill
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: big dreams. You might have clear goals and be working
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: on yourself every day, but if you have the wrong
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: folks around you, there's a good chance they could be
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: sucking the life right out of you and making sure
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: that you go nowhere. When I select my crew, I'm
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: not looking for elite runners to pay me. I looked
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: for individuals with a foxhole mentality. Of the four men
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: who joined Kissing Me and Moab. Only one had ever
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: done an Ultra before, and two others barely ran twenty
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: miles a week. But I didn't choose them for their
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: running ability. They all understood me. They appreciated my mindset
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: and knew how far I was willing to go, and
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: were ready to do whatever it took to get me there.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: My success in this race was their only priority.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: When I told them I was heading back out to
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: finish the job, nobody was surprised. They had been with
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: me all day, knew I was feeling better, and most importantly,
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: know who.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: The fuck I am. They expected me to try and finish.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: When I knocked on their doors at four in the morning,
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: they were damnure packed for the trail already, with a
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: look on their faces that said, what took you so
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: damn long? In military speak, the foxhole is a fighting
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: position in life.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: It's your inner circle. These are the people you surround
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: yourself with.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: They know your history and are aware of your future
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: goals and past limitations. But because it's a fighting position,
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: a foxhole can just as easily become your grave. Therefore,
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: it is crucial that you be careful about who you
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: invite in, whether you are at war, competing in a game,
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: or striving in life. You never want someone in your
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: foxhole who lacks faith or will try to steer you
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: away from your full potential by giving you permission to
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: pack it in or wave the white flag when she
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: looks bleak. You want the husband or wife who, when
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: you snooze that alarm on a freezing midwinter morning before dawn,
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: shakes you the awake so you don't miss your training run.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: When you're dieting and whining about being bored of eating
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: the same bland foods every day, they remind you of
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: all the progress you have made, of all the hard
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: work you have put in, and happily eat the same
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: bland foods alongside you.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: When you say you're tired.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: From all the late night studying, they stay up late
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: with you to help you study. You want the type
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: of race crew who, when you're suffering on the trail,
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: are inspired by bearing witness to your struggle.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: They know it is proof of your effort. In turn, their.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Refusal to give up on you can only inspire you
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: to tap the reserves you'd forgotten we're there and give more.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: They know the only time to shut down and walk
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: away is after all options have been exhausted, even if
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: that means yet another sleepless night or last minute change
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: of schedule. When those are the mothers in your foxhole,
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: how can you not stay in the fight. Most people
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: don't have a selection process for their foxhole. They invite
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: all the old cronies and close relatives in by defaults,
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: as if growing up with someone as the top qualification
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: for foxhole membership. Old friends are great, and shared history
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: is to be respected, but not every person who has
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: been in your life a long time is looking out
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: for your best interests. Some of them are threatened by
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: your growth because of how it impacts them. Some are
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: looking for a friend to keep them company.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: In their half assed lives.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: In order to populate your foxhole with the right people,
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: you must first know who you are as an individual.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: That means shaking off old belief systems, creaky concepts of
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: the world, and you're placing it that no longer serve
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: you and the habits and lifestyle that you've outgrown. Any
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: ideas or interests that were impressed upon you by others,
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: whether they be your family, peers, or culture, must be
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: examined consciously so you can see through all all of
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: them and discover your own unique individuality. For most people,
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: this is a slow, organic process that can take years
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: if it happens at all, But if you bring intentionality
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: to it, individuation can be accelerated.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: Once you find out who you.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Are, the world will start delivering you care packages filled
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: with opportunities that will fuel your quest.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: Do things you hate to do.
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: Be uncomfortable every day of your life. Roger that I'm
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: not the smartest kid in the world. Okay, it said,
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: somebody saying, Oh, no, you're smart. No, No, don't say
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: that to yourself. I said to myself, No, I'm a
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: dumb Okay, Roger.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: That how you get smarter, Educate yourself. So the things
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: that we run from we running from the truth. We're
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: running from the truth, man. So the only way I.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: Became successful was going towards the truth. As painful and
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: as brutal as it is, it changed me. It allowed
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: me to become in my own right who aim today.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: In addition to power eating and spraying cockroaches, I did
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: a lot of searching after I left the Air Force
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: at twenty four years old. I was looking for my
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: place in the world and tried on different personas and subcultures.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: I explored becoming a wrestler.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: I got into powerlifting and thought about competing in that sport,
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: but those weren't honest choices. I didn't burn with a
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: desire to wrestle or lift heavy on stage. All I
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: knew was that I didn't want to be David Goggins anymore.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: I wanted to be the hardest motherfucker ever to live.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: The problem was, I didn't know what that looked like.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: It was terrifying to admit that to anyone, including myself,
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: because at the time I was out of shape, working
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: a low wage job, and living well beyond my means.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: How the fuck do you go from that to hard motherfucker?
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: I had no clue and wondered if I was delusional.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: Who the fuck gave me the right to have such
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: an audacious dream. Even I thought I sounded ridiculous, But
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: as absurd as it may have seemed, I didn't let
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: go of that dream. I let it linger in the
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: back of my brain. Then one day a care package
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: arrived in the form of a Navy sealed documentary, and
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: there it was.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: I finally found a place to start that might just lead.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: To hard motherfcker territory. My dream no longer felt delusional.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: It felt possible.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: My evolution had begun. But as my.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: Navy Seal future crystallized over the next several months, I
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: learned that when you change, not everyone in your.
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: Life will be on board.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: You will get some serious resistance and it will be
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: a pain in your ass. Everywhere I turned, I found
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: family members, friends, and coworkers resistant to my evolution because
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: they love the eco lab. Spraying chocolate shake, slurping fat
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: ass at three hundred pounds. I made them feel much
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: better about themselves, which is another way of saying they
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: were holding me back.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: Years later, I learned how cammon that kind of thing is.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: Most of the men I recruited into the Seals confided
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: that their wives, girlfriends, or parents were dead set against.
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: Something they wanted more than anything in the world.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: That can be extremely stressful when you are striving to
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: be you, especially when it involves pushing your limits of
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: pain and suffering or sacrificing life and limb. You do
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: not need to deal with trying to make everybody happy at.
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: The same time.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: When you are conflicted like that, your internal dialogue becomes
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: counterproductive and when those moments of truth arrive and the
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: quitting mind gets loud, that inner conflict might be the
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: very thing that convinces you to give up. When I
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: first made the decision to try to become a Navy seal,
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: the only person in my foxhole was my mom.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: She knew what it entailed and was immediately on board.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: I didn't see any fear in her eyes.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: While she was worried about me, she believed in what
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: I was doing even more and that allowed me to
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: train and fight with a clear head and maximum focus.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: Years later, when I ran bad Water, she was in
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: my crew.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: I walked one hundred those one hundred and thirty five miles,
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: and when horseflies were all over me, I was suffering
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: in the heat.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: She got out of the support vehicle sobbing. Not because
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: I was in pain, but because she.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: Was proud of me, because I was pushing through it
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: all like frecking warrior.
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: That I have people now, So when I was in
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: the worst part of my.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: Life, those people want to bring you back in Those
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: people like like you can see who you hang out with,
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: like when you worst and when you're trying to get better.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: What makes it hard to get better?
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: Is that you are hanging around people who, like, let's
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: say you are an alcoholic, you.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: Hang around people who drink, and I say you want
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: to stop drinking.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: Those people want to bring you back in like I
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: used to be this guy, this guy who who.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: Isn't worth anything.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: Now those people who are still there, they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen,
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: thirty years ago. They're trying to get you back there.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: So the hardest part you got to see who you're
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: hanging out with. Man, not all friends and loved ones
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: react that way when you change and become committed to
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: perpetual growth. Some are genuinely offended and you don't need
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: or want their voices in your head, which is a
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: nice way of saying you may be required to can't
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: some mothers along the way, who you hang around and
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: speak to on.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: The daily matters.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: That's why it is not a successful formula for people
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: and drug and alcohol recovery to continue to hang out
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: with the people that used to party with. If they
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: want to stay sober, evolve, your inner circle must evolve
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: with you. Otherwise you may subconsciously halt your own growth
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: to avoid out pacing and losing contact with the people
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: who mean a lot to you, but may not be
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: able to hang with you. When there is no one
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: around you who believes in or understands your quest, you
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: must turn your foxhole into a one man fighting position.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: That's okay.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: It is always better to fight alone until you can
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: find people strong enough to fight the good fight with you.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: There is no time to waste trying to pull dead
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: weight up a hill. I've been there many times, and
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: you must hold out until reinforcements arrive, even if.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: It takes years.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: Loneliness can be difficult and depleting, but I'd much rather
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: you stay lonely than crawl out of your foxhole and
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: trek back through known territory into the arms of the
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: very people who love the old you and we're never
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: comfortable with your transformation. Does this mean you have to
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: end all relationships or burn all bridges. No, not necessarily,
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: but doubters must be kept at arm's length, and anyone
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: in your inner circle must accept you for who you
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: are and who you want to become. This may require
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: an adjustment period, and that is understandable, but within a
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: reasonable amount of time, the men and women in your
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: foxhole must, in their words and actions, give you.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: Permission to be you.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: In twenty eighteen, right before I received myw award, I
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: realized how much I couldn't stand being retired. I spent
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: hours calling old friends and new contacts in the military
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: looking for a way back in. I consider re enlisting
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: in Pair Rescue, but remembering how much I loved Ranger
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: school in Delta Selection, I thought the Army might be
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: a better fit, so I dropped word that I was
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: interested in enlisting as a forty four year old grunt.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: It didn't take long for a recruiter to reach out.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: He was convinced he could make it happen, but it
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: meant moving to some backwoods Army base for training.
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: Keish was not thrilled.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: She'd worked hard and kicked ass in the corporate world
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: for twenty years, and she did not expect to be
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: living on or around an army base at that point.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: In her life.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: She damn sure didn't expect me to turn down dozens
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: of lucrative speaking gigs to prepare for a third stint
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: in the military. By then, I was already earning more
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: money for an hour or two of public speaking than
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: I'd earn in a year as a grunt. I found
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: myself walking on eggshells, wondering if the woman I love would.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: Want to stay with me.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: At the same time, I knew living someone else's idea
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: of my life is a recipe for misery. In the end,
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: for a number of reasons, I didn't re enlist. I
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: got into wildland firefighting instead. My mission hadn't changed. I was,
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: and still am, trying to become the hardest motherfucker to
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: ever live.
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: That's not an ego trip, it's a way of life.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: It may be far fetched and even unachievable, but I
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: remain in service of that vision. Fast forward a few
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: years and Kish is most definitely foxhole qualified. Now she's
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: the one who blocks off the fire season entirely and
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: turns down every speaking inquiry that comes in for those
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: months without even asking me, because she understands exactly.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: Who I am and what I'm about.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: She knows what my priorities are and fully supports them
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: without question. She admires that I'm fulfilled by doing things
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: that most people shy away from, and that the lure
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: of money and fame do absolutely nothing for me but
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: leave me feeling empty. She wants me to find my
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: very best. I'm wired the same way. When Kish confided
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: in me that she want wanted to run a sub
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: three twenty five marathon, I helped her train and strategize,
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: and she accomplished her goal with a time of three
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: twenty one in Philadelphia. When she mentioned possibly applying to
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: law school, she received a package of Elsat books at
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: the door of the very next day. Don't ever tell
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: me you want to run a marathon, because I will
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: sign you up for a race, monitor your daily training.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: And run that with you. If you tell me you
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: want to be.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: A doctor, I'll be the motherfucker who enrolls you in
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: med school while you're sleeping, and you'll wake up to
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: a class first thing in the morning. Most people can't
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: handle that level of intensity, but that's the kind of
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: backing I want, the type that comes with an expectation
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: of effort and demands hours, weeks, and even years of
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: hard work, because that is exactly what it takes to
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: fulfill lofty ambitions. And more important than that, find out
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: what you are truly capable of. Who's in your fox old,
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: tag them and tell them why