Latest / New Teacher Talk / Ep 234: Compassion Without Boundaries Leads to Burnout

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Ep 234: Compassion Without Boundaries Leads to Burnout · New Teacher Talk

Welcome back to New Teacher Talk.
I'm Anna Quinzio-Zafran.
And I'm Beth Wilkins.
So glad you're spending this time with us.
School's been in session for about two months now,
so we want to share a topic close to our hearts,
taking care of yourself while building strong partnerships
with families.
Our guest today is Jameelah Wright.
Jameelah, welcome to the show.
We're so glad you're here.
Let's get into it.
Greetings.
My name is Jameelah Wright,
and I am a teacher education professor at William Paterson
University in New Jersey.
Today,
I'm going to talk about self-care and family partnerships.
As always, today's episode is for new teachers,
especially those stepping into classrooms carrying big
hopes, big responsibilities, and maybe even a little fear.
Teaching is often described as a calling,
but what most people don't say out loud is that teaching
can also feel emotionally overwhelming.
Some students carry stories, behaviors,
and needs that follow them into the classroom every single
day.
So today,
I'll be referencing and reflecting on a brief reading
called The Year of Isaiah,
Classrooms as Transformational Places of Learning.
I'll share how to access this reading at the end of the
episode, and also I will share a few tips for self-care.
The reading tells the story of Isaiah,
a preschool student whose challenging behaviors deeply
affected his teacher throughout the year.
But this story isn't really just about behavior.
It's about relationships, exhaustion, compassion,
boundaries,
and ultimately what teachers need in order to keep caring
without losing themselves.
Let's talk about it.
We begin by acknowledging that classrooms are emotional
spaces, not just academic ones.
In the reading,
the teacher describes spending much of the year trying to
fix Isaiah's problems.
She worked tirelessly to support him,
document critical incidents, collaborate with specialists,
and maintain the classroom environment.
But underneath all of that effort was something many
teachers quietly experience,
emotional depletion and burnout.
There's a line in the reading where the teacher realizes
she had become emotionally invested and entangled in Isaiah
to the point that his difficult days shaped her own
emotional well-being.
And honestly,
many new teachers will recognize this feeling.
You want to help every child.
You replay difficult interactions in your head after work.
You wonder if you missed something.
You carry the emotional weight of students home with you.
But know this,
compassion without boundaries becomes exhaustion.
Self-care and well-being in education are often reduced to
frilly things like bubble baths and candles,
but real teacher self-care must be deeper than that.
Real self-care looks like asking for support,
collaborating with colleagues,
setting emotional boundaries,
recognizing when the child's needs exceed what one teacher
can carry alone, and allowing yourself to be human.
And I think that one's the most important one,
allowing yourself to be human.
The reading reminds us that teaching should not be solitary
work.
Another powerful lesson from this reading is how easy it
can be for schools to unintentionally focus only on a
child's behavior while overlooking the realities of that
child's life outside of school, outside of the classroom.
In the reading,
as the teacher learns more about Isaiah's experiences,
she begins to understand that his behaviors did not exist
in isolation.
His long days, his multiple care settings,
transitions between different homes,
the leaving of relatives,
and just the emotional stress that he carry all shaped what
showed up in her classroom each day.
This is where family partnerships become essential.
New teachers sometimes feel pressure to position themselves
as experts,
but strong partnerships with families require humility.
Families are not interruptions to the work.
Families are part of the work,
and partnerships begin with curiosity instead of judgment.
I often tell my students in my education courses that it is
imperative that they establish rapport with the parents of
their students.
Well, actually, I say it more like,
"Families are not your ops.
In fact,
partnering with families is the cheat code to so many
things." But you get the message.
So instead of asking,
"Why doesn't this parent control their child?" Do you hear
the judgment in that?
Instead of asking questions like that, we can ask,
"What might this family be carrying right now?
What does this child need that we haven't uncovered yet?
How can we work together for the benefit of this child?"
One thing I appreciated about the reading is that the
teacher eventually began to recognize the importance of
shared responsibility and community support.
That shift matters because when teachers feel solely
responsible for fixing a child, burnout happens quickly.
But when families, specialists, administrators,
and teachers collaborate,
the child receives care from a network instead of from one
exhausted and emotionally depleted educator.
For new teachers listening,
you do not have to prove your worth by suffering silently.
Invite families into the process early.
Communicate consistently.
Lead with empathy.
And remember that families are often navigating stressors
we cannot see.
So let's make this practical.
I promised I would share a few self-care tips.
Well, here they go.
If you're a new teacher,
here are a few forms of self-care that truly matter.
Number one,
emotional debriefing with a trusted peer or colleague.
Find someone who will allow you to process difficult days
honestly.
Teaching requires emotional release.
You cannot hold all of those many big feelings inside of
you.
You need to let them out.
So you need someone with an ear willing to listen just so
you can unpack.
My second tip is to stop measuring yourself by student
behavior alone.
A child's challenging behavior is not automatically
evidence of your failure.
This is very, very important to know, 'cause as teachers,
we can be hard on ourselves, right?
But this reading demonstrates how complex child behavior
can be.
Some students require systems-level support,
not just classroom strategies.
The third tip is to protect your nervous system.
After difficult days,
your body may still be holding stress.
It might be the end of the day,
the kids have dismissed to their families,
but you still might be holding stress and tension inside of
yourself.
So try walking, doing some yoga or Pilates,
some prayer or meditation.
Journaling helps.
Putting in some quiet transitions before entering home
life.
So, you know, maybe you drive up, park your car,
and maybe you just don't run in immediately.
You sit in the car for a second to just kind of get some
breaths out, get some of that day off of you.
Just a quiet moment.
Also, limiting work communication after hours.
You just spent so many hours of your day in the workspace.
Once you're outside of that workspace,
try limiting that work communication.
And simply sitting in silence for a few minutes before
driving home.
So before you even drive off your job parking lot,
before you put the key in the ignition,
just sit there and just, again,
take some deep breaths in and out and try to get some of
that day off of you.
And last, accept that you cannot save every child alone.
And this may be a hard lesson.
Teachers can be transformational,
but transformation is collective work.
That means you're not doing it by yourself.
And sometimes the healthiest thing a teacher can do is say,
"I need support too." That does not make you weak.
It's okay to need support because you need support.
At the end of the reading,
the teacher reflects on how deeply the experience changed
her understanding of teaching, care, and community.
And this new understanding changed this teacher's life
substantially, and for the better, I mean.
How do I know?
Because I was that teacher.
Isaiah was my student.
And so this is the takeaway I want to leave with new
teachers today.
Teaching is not just instructional work.
It is emotional work, relational work, human work.
You will meet students who challenge you,
students who exhaust you,
students who awaken deep compassion in you,
or as I tell my students,
students who will have you in the corner crying.
But your wellbeing matters too.
It is important.
A sustainable teaching career is not built on
self-sacrifice.
It is built on community, reflection, boundaries,
collaboration,
and care that extends to both students and teachers.
So if you are entering this profession, remember,
you do not have to carry every burden alone to be a good
teacher.
A burnt-out teacher cannot be a good teacher.
Sometimes the most transformative classrooms are the ones
where adults learn to care for themselves and others too.
Thank you so much for listening.
And if you would like to read The Year of Isaiah for
yourself,
you can find it on my website at www.jameelahrwright.com.
That's W-W-W.J-A-M-E-E-L-A-H-R-W-R-I-G-H-T.com.
Happy reading.
Hasta la pasta!
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