Latest / Naughty But Nice with Rob Shuter / SPECIAL PODCAST: Do This When People Can’t Be Kind to You!

Transcript

SPECIAL PODCAST: Do This When People Can’t Be Kind to You! · Naughty But Nice with Rob Shuter

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Rible advice till Welcome to our weekend special edition of
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  Speaker 1: our podcast. Monday through Friday, we do all the celebrity news,
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: all the celebrity gossip, and we love doing it. But
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  Speaker 1: on the weekends we do a very very special podcast.
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  Speaker 1: As well as being one of the top top entertainment
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  Speaker 1: reporters in the world, I'm also a best selling author.
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  Speaker 1: It's under the category of self help. Now. I like
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  Speaker 1: to think of this stuff as more essential than help.
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  Speaker 1: Help is helping somebody to cross the road, or maybe
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  Speaker 1: taking them out for a drink, helping them with something
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  Speaker 1: they need in their life. This is a little bit
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  Speaker 1: more important than that. These are some life lessons, some
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  Speaker 1: really important tools, some revelations that have certainly made my
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  Speaker 1: life better and I hope they will do the same
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  Speaker 1: for you. Let's jump into today's shower. Today's show is
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  Speaker 1: called do This when people can't be kind to you.
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  Speaker 1: So we all deserve to have a squad that cheers
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  Speaker 1: us on, a team of supporters that celebrates and encourages
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  Speaker 1: our success. And the only way to get a squad
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  Speaker 1: like that that we do deserve is to build it.
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  Speaker 1: Let me say that again, the only way to get
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  Speaker 1: such a squad is to build it. Start surrounding yourself
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  Speaker 1: with people who are kind and have your best interests
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  Speaker 1: at heart. And this starts with one really important person,
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  Speaker 1: the foundation of the squad. It starts with you. You
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  Speaker 1: are the corners own of success. You are the cornerstone
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  Speaker 1: of any squad that you build, So recruit yourself first
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  Speaker 1: before you're out there looking for other people to join
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  Speaker 1: your squad to be friends with. Become friends with yourself first,
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  Speaker 1: and get into the habit of cheering yourself as well
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  Speaker 1: as cheering your friends, because the only reason people cannot
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  Speaker 1: be happy for others is because they can't be happy
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  Speaker 1: for themselves. When you are kind to yourself, you will
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  Speaker 1: always be the very first person to jump up to
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  Speaker 1: your feet and cheer yourself on and others on tour.
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  Speaker 1: The way you react to other people's news actually says
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  Speaker 1: more about you than anybody else. That's really important to remember.
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  Speaker 1: The way you react to other people's news tells me
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  Speaker 1: more about you than anybody else's achievements. Remember that the
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  Speaker 1: next time someone doesn't give you the response that you want,
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  Speaker 1: it's their problem, not yours. So we fall into this trap,
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  Speaker 1: don't we. We want our friends to jump up and
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  Speaker 1: scream and be happy for us. When they don't, It's
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  Speaker 1: not our problem, it's theirs. So remember, the next time
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  Speaker 1: you don't get the response that you wanted, it's their problem.
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  Speaker 1: Here is the amazing thing about the way people react
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  Speaker 1: to you. It doesn't matter. That's the amazing thing. It
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  Speaker 1: does not matter. Tune out, Tune out everyone trying to
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  Speaker 1: discourage you, because you don't need anyone's permission to go
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  Speaker 1: after your goals. Show everyone, including yourself, who you are
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  Speaker 1: by your actions. Be the first person who's happy for
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  Speaker 1: other people's success, and surround yourself with folks who are
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  Speaker 1: just as excited for your success, because trying to win
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  Speaker 1: the support from people who can't be excited for you
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  Speaker 1: is a losing game, a game that you can only
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  Speaker 1: win when you stop playing. Let me ask you a question.
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  Speaker 1: Has your day ever been ruined by the actions of
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  Speaker 1: another person? I know mine have. I remember quite recently
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  Speaker 1: getting a nasty d M from somebody after watching me
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  Speaker 1: on the Today Show. On the Morning Show I think
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  Speaker 1: it was the Today Show. They were upset that somebody
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  Speaker 1: with a right arm that quote just hung there was
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  Speaker 1: allowed to be on morning TV. They were arked that
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  Speaker 1: somebody with such a noticeable disability as I was a
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  Speaker 1: regular on America's number one morning show, and it hurt.
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  Speaker 1: I've got to be honest, it really did hurt. The
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  Speaker 1: old me would have spiraled down a deep, dark, deep
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  Speaker 1: dark tunnel, ignoring the success that I had been asked
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  Speaker 1: to sit down next to holder. Who else gets to
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  Speaker 1: do that. Of all the millions of people in America,
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  Speaker 1: I'm one of the people who's asked to go on
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  Speaker 1: the morning shows. They value my expertise enough to go
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  Speaker 1: on their show. So instead of focusing on that one
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  Speaker 1: negative comment, I started to focus on the good stuff.
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  Speaker 1: I was no longer going to lead a stranger. A
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  Speaker 1: total stranger ruined my day, maybe my week, possibly my year,
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  Speaker 1: but not anymore now. I removed the people from my
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  Speaker 1: life who don't bring me kindness and happiness. Get those
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  Speaker 1: negative people, those negative noises out of your head, and
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  Speaker 1: stop giving them access to your time and attention because
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  Speaker 1: they don't deserve it. Think of your thoughts and your
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  Speaker 1: feelings as two very precious possessions that need to be
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  Speaker 1: fiercely protected without any apology. Learn to be brutal when
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  Speaker 1: it comes to your happiness, including your happiness on social
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  Speaker 1: media and online. I call this my attention diet. I
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  Speaker 1: write down the names of every person who has entered
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  Speaker 1: my head, my life on any given day. Do it
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  Speaker 1: one day a week, Just write down all the people
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  Speaker 1: that you come into contact with. And it's quite similar
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  Speaker 1: actually to the traditional way of diet ng, where you
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  Speaker 1: keep track of everything that enters your mouth, when instead
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  Speaker 1: of your mouth, it's anyone that enters your head. Take
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  Speaker 1: a look at the list and perform a little audit,
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  Speaker 1: the attention audit, where you increase the portion size of
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  Speaker 1: everyone who brings you happiness and joy, and you cut
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  Speaker 1: out all the bad apples that leave a nasty taste
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  Speaker 1: in your mouth, especially those people who are constantly saying sorry.
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  Speaker 1: You know who they are, the people who keep apologizing
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  Speaker 1: and then doing the same thing over and over again
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  Speaker 1: because they're not really sorry. What they're actually doing is
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  Speaker 1: trying to make themselves feel better, and nobody has any
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  Speaker 1: time for that moving forward. A change in behavior is
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  Speaker 1: the only apology that we are going to accept. And
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  Speaker 1: if they won't change, then you have to. If they
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  Speaker 1: can't be kind, they have to go. But what can
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  Speaker 1: you do with the people that you can't walk away
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  Speaker 1: from run away from escape. What are you to do
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  Speaker 1: with those people? The mean boss that you can't escape
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  Speaker 1: right now because you need the money, or the family
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  Speaker 1: member who just cannot be happy for you, but you
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  Speaker 1: still care about them. You know who I'm talking about.
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  Speaker 1: When you can't unfriend them, when you can't cut them
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  Speaker 1: out of your life, the only answer is empathy. Instead
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  Speaker 1: of getting hurt, get empathetic. When they can't show kindness,
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  Speaker 1: you must. This does not excuse what they're doing for
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  Speaker 1: one single second, but it does explain it. So the
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  Speaker 1: next time a parent disapproves or a boss doesn't understand,
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  Speaker 1: stop and think about their lives. And I guarantee you
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  Speaker 1: the crueler they are, the more pain they are in.
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  Speaker 1: Never ever forget that the opposite of anger is empathy.
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  Speaker 1: The only reason people attack is because they are in pain.
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  Speaker 1: They can't show you kindness because they can't show it
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  Speaker 1: to themselves. Once again, what do you do when people
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  Speaker 1: can't be kind to you? You leave? You have to
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  Speaker 1: get rid of them. What do you do if people
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  Speaker 1: that are not kind to you you cannot get away from?
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  Speaker 1: What about if it's a boss or a family member
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  Speaker 1: at least in the short term empathy is going to
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  Speaker 1: be your secret weapon. So the next time somebody is
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  Speaker 1: cruel to you, it's going to happen. It's life. Remember that,
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  Speaker 1: that cruel comment, that cruel action, it's not about you.
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  Speaker 1: It really helps when you remember that it's not about you.
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  Speaker 1: It's about them trying to tear you down to build
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  Speaker 1: themselves up. Don't be one of those people. Be one
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  Speaker 1: of the people that jump up and cheer for your friends,
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  Speaker 1: and most importantly, learn to cheer for yourselves. It's not
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  Speaker 1: even nice with ra