Transcript

#17 Skye · Heavyweight

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Speaker 1: High podcast friends. As regular listeners know, I try to
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Speaker 1: run a family friendlish podcast, but because it's integral to
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Speaker 1: the plot. In this episode of Heavyweight, we dropped the
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Speaker 1: F bomb and unprecedented nine times. If they were giving
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Speaker 1: out peabodies for swearing, maybe i'd get one. Also, as
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Speaker 1: long as I'm giving advisories, I also pronounced the word
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Speaker 1: garage as garage. I encourage you to listen anyway. Hello,
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Speaker 1: did you get a message from me a couple months ago?
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Speaker 1: A phone message was on your birthday. I was wishing
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Speaker 1: you a happy birthday. It's possible I didn't hear anything back,
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Speaker 1: so I was concerned. Yes, when someone leaves your message
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Speaker 1: on your birthday, you have no obligation to return that message.
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Speaker 1: But that's it. Oh my gosh, it would have been
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Speaker 1: nice to get. I'm not saying a thank you card.
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Speaker 1: But you know, if I.
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Speaker 2: Was under no obligation, why are you now giving me
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Speaker 2: rushes as to how I should have responded.
1:01
Speaker 1: Some things in life aren't obligatory, but we just do them,
1:04
Speaker 1: you know what I mean?
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Speaker 2: Absolutely, like picking up the phone when I just saw that.
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Speaker 1: You called me exactly like, hey, wait a minute. From
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Speaker 1: Gimblet Media I'm Jonathan Goldstein, and this is Heavyweight. Today's
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Speaker 1: episode Sky Sky and her son Clark ever ritual, Well,
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Speaker 1: I don't know about you. Every night, after his teeth
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Speaker 1: are brushed and he's all tucked in, right before Clark
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Speaker 1: goes to sleep, Sky sits down on the edge of
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Speaker 1: his bed and they talk.
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Speaker 3: What was your favorite part of that movie? Probably like
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Speaker 3: the end was a good end. The helicopter scene was good.
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Speaker 1: Clark's eleven. Naturally, there's a lot of discussion about comic
2:02
Speaker 1: books and movies.
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Speaker 2: I don't think it was a movie. You know, the
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Speaker 2: original Jumanji was not funny.
2:09
Speaker 1: But there's something about the stillness of nighttime that also
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Speaker 1: frees Clark up to speak in a way that he
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Speaker 1: doesn't normally. Not only does he tell Sky about what
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Speaker 1: he's watching and reading, he tells her about his feelings.
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Speaker 1: He shares stories about what's going on at school, and
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Speaker 1: Sky shares stories too, stories from her childhood. Some stories
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Speaker 1: she tells just to entertain Clark, but other stories she
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Speaker 1: tells to impart a lesson. There's one story in particular
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Speaker 1: she's told Clark over and over again throughout the years,
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Speaker 1: and lately it's been coming up a lot recently. Sky
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Speaker 1: told me the story.
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Speaker 3: So the story, in a way, the story starts when
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Speaker 3: I moved.
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Speaker 1: When she was eleven years old, Sky was best friends
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Speaker 1: with a group of four girls. They wore a spree sweatshirts,
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Speaker 1: and watched love Boat on the weekends. They were the
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Speaker 1: popular girls.
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Speaker 3: That was sort of the vibe of that group was like,
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Speaker 3: we're exclusive and we're kind of the shit. Yeah, you
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Speaker 3: know how like in high school they have you know,
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Speaker 3: most beautiful and most popular, and all of those. We
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Speaker 3: decided to make our own book of you know, awarding
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Speaker 3: people various prizes. We gave me best Eyes, and I
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Speaker 3: remember sort of having this pride in that.
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Speaker 1: They spent all the fifth grade together. Then summer came
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Speaker 1: and with it long days filled with lazy bike rides
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Speaker 1: and trips to the candy shop. But early one summer morning,
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Speaker 1: Sky woke up to find her yard had been teepeed
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Speaker 1: covered in toilet paper and there was more.
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Speaker 3: Someone had written fuck you on our garage door. And
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Speaker 3: we had a double garage, and so fuck was on
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Speaker 3: one you was on the other, and they were written
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Speaker 3: in large white letters on our brown garage.
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Speaker 1: Sky's mom had seen the vandals make their getaway. The
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Speaker 1: words fuck you had been written by none other than
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Speaker 1: Sky's for best friends.
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Speaker 2: And they had been written in paint.
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Speaker 3: I wish they had done it was something that had
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Speaker 3: come off, because I do remember this feeling of like
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Speaker 3: being driven home day after day and seeing those words
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Speaker 3: on the garage door. Teeping someone's house is one thing,
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Speaker 3: it's sort of a common prank, but the fact that
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Speaker 3: they wrote fuck you, that felt to me like it
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Speaker 3: really came from anger. And they had to have brought
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Speaker 3: the paint, you know. There had to have been some
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Speaker 3: thought put into this.
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Speaker 1: Why had they done it? What were they angry about?
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Speaker 1: Sky had no idea. Did you ever see those girls again?
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Speaker 3: Well?
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Speaker 2: I saw them again, for sure.
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Speaker 3: We all funneled into this junior high school that fall,
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Speaker 3: and I think that I just avoided them. I never
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Speaker 3: ever said a word to any of the four girls ever. Again,
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Speaker 3: I pretended it never happened.
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Speaker 1: And when Sky tells Clark this story, here's where she
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Speaker 1: delivers the moral. Awful things do happen, but in the
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Speaker 1: end everything turns out fine. Sky grew up, got married,
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Speaker 1: has a job she likes, and a family she loves.
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Speaker 1: Her story, she tells him, has a happy ending in
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Speaker 1: the past. When he's heard this story, Clark's taken his
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Speaker 1: mom's lesson at face value. But Clark is now the
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Speaker 1: same age Sky was when her friends turned on her.
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Speaker 1: He's starting to see his own classmates leave old friends
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Speaker 1: behind for the more popular crowd. For the first time,
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Speaker 1: He's able to image what it would be like if
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Speaker 1: his own small group of friends suddenly cast him out,
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Speaker 1: stopped coming over to his house to play video games,
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Speaker 1: stop speaking to them altogether. So Sky's moral that everyone
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Speaker 1: lives happily ever after is starting to feel untrue, and
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Speaker 1: so Clark has a question for his mother, why didn't
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Speaker 1: she ever confront her friends about what they did? Why
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Speaker 1: not then? But also he asks Sky, why not now?
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Speaker 4: Like did they do it for themselves or because of you?
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Speaker 4: Or was it because of something you did or something?
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Speaker 1: Clark brings up Sky's story during their bedtime ritual, asking
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Speaker 1: for details, weighing the injustice, fantasizing about Sky looking up
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Speaker 1: her old friends and confronting them with some questions.
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Speaker 4: I think you can't be like the person that you
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Speaker 4: normally are, where you're like tim and little.
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Speaker 3: Mommy funny that you think of me as timid Mommy,
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Speaker 3: that's very interesting.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, well, I have like a lot of occasions to
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Speaker 4: prove that your New Year's resolution was to say no
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Speaker 4: more often. That was your resolution because you were too
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Speaker 4: timid to say no.
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Speaker 2: To people before that.
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Speaker 3: Well, I like to think that it's less about me
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Speaker 3: being timid and more about me being a can do
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Speaker 3: kind of person.
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Speaker 1: There it is right there. At school functions, Clark watches
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Speaker 1: his mom try to accommodate the other parents and get
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Speaker 1: steamrolled in the process. In restaurants, he sees his mom
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Speaker 1: settled for the wrong meal rather than bother the waiter.
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Speaker 1: For once, he wants Guy to stop worrying about everyone
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Speaker 1: else's feelings. He wants her to focus on herself.
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Speaker 3: I would really love to know, like why it's important
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Speaker 3: to you.
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Speaker 4: It's basically for me, are like my mom avenging. Those
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Speaker 4: people just wanted you to kind of like get your avenge,
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Speaker 4: my revenge, avenge yourself. Sorry I'm using the wrong word.
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Speaker 4: You gotta be like you did this and do you
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Speaker 4: remember why it happened, and say sorry to me, he said.
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Speaker 3: At the end, Mom, You've got to figure this out.
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Speaker 3: You've got to go for it. You have to have
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Speaker 3: a chance to find out why this happened.
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Speaker 1: It's not just Clark who feels this way. There's someone
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Speaker 1: else who also wonders why this happened and has always
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Speaker 1: wished Sky had had the chance to ask. Is this Rachel?
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Speaker 1: This is Skuy's mom, Rachel, the only eyewitnessed what happened
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Speaker 1: that night, and the person talking to her while chewing
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Speaker 1: a hunk of munster cheese and hollow bread because his
9:05
Speaker 1: boss Alex thinks taking lunch breaks is more of a
9:08
Speaker 1: BizOps thing, is me?
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Speaker 5: I got out of my chair and I stood at
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Speaker 5: the window and pulled back the drape, and I see
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Speaker 5: their bikes sort of going off into the night.
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Speaker 1: The night the girl showed up around two or three
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Speaker 1: in the morning, Rachel was reading in an armchair by
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Speaker 1: the window. She's always up in the middle of the night.
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Speaker 1: It's a habit that began in childhood. She tells me
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Speaker 1: that her own mom, Sky's grandmother suffered from schizophrenia. She
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Speaker 1: was unpredictable, and the middle of the night was the
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Speaker 1: only time the house was ever quiet and safe. Who
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Speaker 1: was during those calm nights alone that Rachel began writing poetry?
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Speaker 5: And here I am all these years later, and I'm
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Speaker 5: still doing it. There's something holy about the middle of
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Speaker 5: the night. Nobody's hassling you, and you can really hear
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Speaker 5: yourself somehow.
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Speaker 1: But on the night the vandals struck, she could also
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Speaker 1: hear four eleven year old girls making their getaway. When
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Speaker 1: the sun came up, Rachel saw the fuck you on
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Speaker 1: the garage and immediately she phoned up one of the
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Speaker 1: girls and spoke with both her and her mom. Well
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Speaker 1: neither denied what had happened. Nothing much came of the conversation,
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Speaker 1: and after that Sky begged Rachel not to make any
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Speaker 1: more phone calls. The idea of confronting anyone just upset
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Speaker 1: Sky Moore, so Rachel stopped calling, and after a few
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Speaker 1: days things seemed to go back to normal.
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Speaker 5: We felt it was over, and for her it really wasn't.
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Speaker 5: It really took her, being I think, grown up, for
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Speaker 5: her to start saying to me, I think about this
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Speaker 5: all the time, and it was shocking to me. I
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Speaker 5: had not understood that, and I felt dopey that I
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Speaker 5: hadn't understood that, because I thought I was pretty well
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Speaker 5: attuned to her and her feelings. It broke my heart.
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Speaker 5: She always understood how to sit in with people, completely
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Speaker 5: unlike her parents. My husband, you know, was born in
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Speaker 5: Finland and was a mathematician and had his PhD when
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Speaker 5: he was nineteen. And I was this strange, you know,
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Speaker 5: high school dropout poet. I mean, we were really odd
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Speaker 5: and eccentric birds, and here was this kid who was
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Speaker 5: just exquisitely normal. And to us, she's always been a wonder,
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Speaker 5: you know, like, who is this very social being? This
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Speaker 5: is a kid who whose first word was high and
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Speaker 5: who when she was small literally sat on the front
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Speaker 5: step all day and said hi to every person who
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Speaker 5: passed on the sidewalk, and we loved her for that.
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Speaker 5: And what happened with the girls, This had the effect
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Speaker 5: of making her more you know, pulling in her wings.
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Speaker 1: And this is the person Clark sees today, someone who
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Speaker 1: keeps her wings tucked in so tight for fear of
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Speaker 1: them getting in anyone's way, that she's forgotten how to
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Speaker 1: open them. Rachel knows that Clark has recently begun urging
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Speaker 1: his mom to be less timid, and she approves.
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Speaker 5: There's something authoritative about a child they haven't had. They're
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Speaker 5: not all hammered by doubts and worries about what they're
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Speaker 5: saying they're like, well, why didn't you do this?
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Speaker 1: You know, Rachel had asked me to call at the
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Speaker 1: end of her work night. It's now seven thirty AM,
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Speaker 1: close to her bedtime, so we say our goodbyes, but
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Speaker 1: just before putting down the phone, she offers a final benediction,
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Speaker 1: as I was so beautiful.
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Speaker 5: The way he wanted her to figure this out. Because
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Speaker 5: she'll hear that from him in a way that she
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Speaker 5: probably could never hear that from me, it has more
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Speaker 5: of a chance to wake her up.
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Speaker 1: And with that, Rachel heads off to bed, and I
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Speaker 1: turned back to Sky, who, with a little help from Clark,
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Speaker 1: is still trying to wake up.
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Speaker 3: He does have this sense of but that's an unfinished thing.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, like the good that this good ending hasn't fully
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Speaker 1: happened yet.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, the good ending hasn't happened. So it's sort
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Speaker 3: of turning into a different story, which is that it's
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Speaker 3: kind of never too late to summon courage and do something.
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Speaker 2: That scares you.
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Speaker 3: I guess in a way, I want to live up
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Speaker 3: to his to who I think he'd like me to be.
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Speaker 3: You know, I think like I need to show him
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Speaker 3: that I can stand up for myself.
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Speaker 1: Thirty five years later, and Sky's finally decided she's ready.
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Speaker 1: She just needs help reaching the girls and not backing
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Speaker 1: down when she does. So you want to do this?
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Speaker 3: I think that I want to do this. Yes, I
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Speaker 3: want to do this. You know now I'll be able
14:58
Speaker 3: to say I did what I could.
15:04
Speaker 1: And if you want to be able to say you
15:05
Speaker 1: did what you could to save scads of cash with
15:09
Speaker 1: some truly great deals, here's the chance you've been dreaming
15:13
Speaker 1: of your entire life. Sky and I get to work
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Speaker 1: reaching out to the four girls, Sam, Nicky, Randy, and Tessa.
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Speaker 1: We begin with Sam because Sky already has their contact info.
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Speaker 1: They'd run into each other at their ten year high
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Speaker 1: school reunion. Sky Sam had said, it's me. It would
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Speaker 1: have been the perfect opportunity to ask about the fuck
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Speaker 1: you on the garage door, but Sky just couldn't bring
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Speaker 1: herself to mention it, so instead they made awkward small talk.
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Speaker 3: And then she fronted me on Facebook, which practically made
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Speaker 3: me laugh.
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Speaker 2: But I.
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Speaker 3: This sounds ridiculous, but I didn't want to be rude,
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Speaker 3: and so I accepted her friendship.
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Speaker 1: I helped Sky write a Facebook message to Sam saying
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Speaker 1: she has some questions about the end of their friendship,
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Speaker 1: but with no response, Sky follows up again and again. Eventually,
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Speaker 1: Sam writes back, we just naturally grew apart as life
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Speaker 1: events progressed, she says. She concludes by saying that Sky's
16:29
Speaker 1: attempts to contact her are making her feel quote overwhelmed
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Speaker 1: and stressed, and that makes Sky feel bad. Second is Nicky,
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Speaker 1: who says that even though Skuy's mom clearly remembers her
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Speaker 1: being there that day, she absolutely wasn't. In fact, she says,
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Speaker 1: she and Sky weren't even that close. Third comes Randy.
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Speaker 1: Randy's hard to get a hold of so when we
17:00
Speaker 1: get no answer on her house phone, we try all
17:02
Speaker 1: the numbers we can find. We leave her repeated messages,
17:06
Speaker 1: but it seems like she's not even getting them. But
17:09
Speaker 1: as it turns out, she's gotten all of them, because
17:12
Speaker 1: she sends Sky an email to say that she's not
17:15
Speaker 1: happy about it. In fact, she's creeped out. Sky was
17:20
Speaker 1: at the grocery store when she received the email.
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Speaker 3: I was in line and I completely was out of
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Speaker 3: my body as I was reading it. I so forgot
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Speaker 3: where I was that someone had to say, are you
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Speaker 3: in line?
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Speaker 2: And I was like Uh, no, I'm not, and I.
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Speaker 3: Had to push my cart away from the checkout stand
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Speaker 3: because I could not focus.
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Speaker 1: Sky went into damage control mode, writing back to Randy
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Speaker 1: to say how deeply sorry she was. I asked her
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Speaker 1: to read me what she'd send.
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Speaker 3: Randy, I'm so grateful that you wrote me back. It
17:58
Speaker 3: makes me cringe to think about how so my creepy
18:00
Speaker 3: and weird it must have seemed to get those messages.
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Speaker 3: I'm kicking myself for letting that happen. I'm still hoping
18:07
Speaker 3: to talk to you privately and just explain myself.
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Speaker 2: Would that be okay?
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Speaker 1: Like, you know, is there a kind of like do
18:17
Speaker 1: you feel like your default is to sort of apologize
18:21
Speaker 1: for having reached out?
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Speaker 3: Yeah?
18:27
Speaker 6: I do.
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Speaker 2: That has occurred to me.
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Speaker 1: Later, Sky shares the email with Clark, and it seems
18:36
Speaker 1: like it's occurred to him as well.
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Speaker 4: I think you were over apologetic if you say yourself
18:43
Speaker 4: as the kind of character was like, oh sorry, sorry, sorry,
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Speaker 4: I shouldn't have done that. That automatically makes her basically.
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Speaker 2: Like gives her power. Yeah, puts her in.
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Speaker 4: A better spot than you're in, and that's bad.
18:58
Speaker 1: At Sky's insistence, Randy finally agrees to a phone call,
19:02
Speaker 1: but in the end, all she tells Sky is that
19:05
Speaker 1: she doesn't remember that night, doesn't remember any toilet paper
19:09
Speaker 1: or grasdoor, She doesn't remember anything at all. Of the
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Speaker 1: four friends, only one remains, Tessa, the girl Sky's mom
19:23
Speaker 1: phoned directly after the incident. Over the next couple weeks,
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Speaker 1: I speak with Tessa several times. She can't decide if
19:30
Speaker 1: she wants to talk with Sky. For one thing, she
19:33
Speaker 1: says it was so long ago that she doesn't remember much,
19:37
Speaker 1: to which I rejoin that she's all we've got. For another,
19:41
Speaker 1: she adds getting contacted like this through a third party
19:44
Speaker 1: interlocutionary international podcasting host is pretty weird, to which I
19:49
Speaker 1: admit that it is slightly unconventional. Finally, Tessa says she
19:54
Speaker 1: doesn't want to inadvertently drag the other girl's names through
19:57
Speaker 1: the dirt for something they did as kids, to which
20:00
Speaker 1: I say, well, let's change those names and draw some
20:04
Speaker 1: pseudonyms through the dirt. And once I agree to change
20:07
Speaker 1: the names of the four girls, Tessa, not her real name,
20:11
Speaker 1: agrees to sit down with Sky, still her real name,
20:15
Speaker 1: so she can finally have a conversation about the night
20:18
Speaker 1: in question. Both Sky and Tessa live in California, pretty
20:23
Speaker 1: close to where they grew up. I figure my presence
20:26
Speaker 1: at their meeting could be calming, helpful even All Sky
20:31
Speaker 1: has to do is invite me out there to join her.
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Speaker 1: I like California, and no I love it. But because
20:40
Speaker 1: of her cursed timidity, Sky just doesn't have the lima
20:43
Speaker 1: beans to ask. So I continue to offer her prompt.
20:48
Speaker 1: I haven't been there in some time.
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Speaker 2: Well, it's a lovely state.
20:54
Speaker 1: After several minutes of this elaborate dance, I get to
20:57
Speaker 1: the point, for both our sake, So does you do
21:02
Speaker 1: you think that?
21:02
Speaker 7: Uh?
21:04
Speaker 1: You think I should come?
21:06
Speaker 2: That would be amazing.
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Speaker 1: And so it's off to California A for some long
21:14
Speaker 1: overdue Q and A.
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Speaker 8: Hi.
21:20
Speaker 9: Good how about you guys? Hi Clark, nice to meet you.
21:24
Speaker 1: Sky picks me up at the hotel. Clark's along too,
21:28
Speaker 1: to make sure his mom doesn't lose her.
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Speaker 2: Nerve Clark, you can continue to navigate for me.
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Speaker 8: WI.
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Speaker 1: Clark sits in the passenger seat, leafing through a comic book.
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Speaker 1: All right, let me I'm just going to throw this
21:39
Speaker 1: in here if that's okay. Yeah, And then I tossed
21:43
Speaker 1: my bag into the back of the hatchback and we
21:46
Speaker 1: head off to meet Tessa. It felt great to be
21:52
Speaker 1: in San Francisco. It's just like the mom and the
22:00
Speaker 1: Papa saying if one is going to San Francisco, one
22:04
Speaker 1: should wear flowers in one's hair. As we speed down
22:08
Speaker 1: the highway, I close my eyes, lean back, and would
22:12
Speaker 1: that I had hair, enjoy the wind blowing through it.
22:19
Speaker 2: Wait, is the trunk open?
22:21
Speaker 1: Oh wow? It seems that in my excitement to hit
22:24
Speaker 1: the streets of San fran I'd left the hatchback door open,
22:28
Speaker 1: which it turns out is the source of the San
22:31
Speaker 1: Franciscan breeze. She whizz, I'm sorry about that.
22:36
Speaker 5: God.
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Speaker 1: Sky finds a place on the shoulder of the highway
22:40
Speaker 1: to pull over, oh man, and shuts the trunk door
22:46
Speaker 1: of that, and with that we were back on our way.
22:52
Speaker 10: That's why they call me mister excitement. Actually, no one
22:58
Speaker 10: calls me mister excitement. San Francisco is pretty.
23:12
Speaker 2: We're not in San Francisco, you know that, right? I mean?
23:23
Speaker 1: As we drive to meet Tessa, I ask Sky how
23:26
Speaker 1: she's doing.
23:28
Speaker 3: I feel nervous sighted, which is a word.
23:32
Speaker 9: That I am when when I you use the word
23:36
Speaker 9: nervous sided Clark.
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Speaker 4: Like before, like baseball games and like stuff like that.
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Speaker 2: I mean, I kind of feel nervous sighted.
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Speaker 5: Nervous.
23:48
Speaker 1: Sided is a portmanteau word, like the way say romance,
23:53
Speaker 1: a word denoting an incestuous relationship between brothers. Is or
23:58
Speaker 1: she lax the act of chilling out with a bar
24:01
Speaker 1: of family sized x lax.
24:04
Speaker 2: How do you feel about meeting do you want to
24:07
Speaker 2: meet her? I will resist temptations to punder over what
24:11
Speaker 2: she did.
24:13
Speaker 1: Clark is eleven years old. In the comic books he reads,
24:17
Speaker 1: that's how problems are solved with punches, kung fu chops.
24:21
Speaker 1: Writing the scales is a simpler business. It's one thing
24:25
Speaker 1: to hear stories about his mom being stepped on. It's
24:27
Speaker 1: another to be in the same room with one of
24:30
Speaker 1: the people who did the stepping. Sky tries to tamp
24:33
Speaker 1: down his need for revenge.
24:35
Speaker 2: Well, as we were talking about last night before you
24:40
Speaker 2: went to slay, you won't forgiveness. Giveness forgiveness. We need
24:44
Speaker 2: to find the forgiveness.
24:48
Speaker 1: I wanted a quiet place for Sky and tested to talk,
24:51
Speaker 1: and it turned out that on the weekends the local
24:54
Speaker 1: university had an unoccupied studio.
24:57
Speaker 2: I think we're basically here.
24:59
Speaker 1: We pull in the empty campus parking lot.
25:02
Speaker 2: Clark, you want to look and make sure I'm within
25:03
Speaker 2: the lines. There was a little lines.
25:05
Speaker 9: Okay, let's get set up. So this is where Clark
25:15
Speaker 9: and I, well, we'll sit.
25:19
Speaker 1: The studio is only big enough for Sky and Tessa,
25:21
Speaker 1: So Clark and I sit in the control booth where
25:24
Speaker 1: we'll be able to eavesdrop on the conversation. There's a mic,
25:27
Speaker 1: so should the need arise Clark and offer guidance that
25:31
Speaker 1: only Sky can hear through her headphones.
25:33
Speaker 2: I'm mom, Hi, Clark.
25:35
Speaker 1: Okay, so you turn it on.
25:36
Speaker 2: It's good to hear your voice.
25:38
Speaker 5: Can you hear me?
25:39
Speaker 10: Sky?
25:40
Speaker 1: Sandy the studio technician helps us get set up and
25:44
Speaker 1: takes a level on Sky's voice by asking her an easy,
25:47
Speaker 1: neutral question. Tell me, how's it right in today?
25:52
Speaker 2: How is the right end?
25:53
Speaker 8: You don't have to shout into it.
25:54
Speaker 3: It was easy, except for when we left the hatchback
25:57
Speaker 3: open on the freeway.
26:01
Speaker 1: Laugh it up, Sandy the studio technician, Laugh it up.
26:11
Speaker 1: Tessa's running late, so Sky sits waiting in the studio
26:15
Speaker 1: by herself. Finally, wait, she's here.
26:21
Speaker 8: Ah, okay, okay, Hey, I'm Jonathan, glad you made it
26:43
Speaker 8: a nice to meet you too.
26:45
Speaker 1: Tessa's stylish and like Sky, looks younger than her years,
26:50
Speaker 1: you could still see a trace of the popular girl.
26:53
Speaker 1: I show her into the studio where Sky's been waiting.
26:56
Speaker 1: The two haven't seen each other since they were children.
26:59
Speaker 2: Who do you do you keeping close touch with anywhere
27:01
Speaker 2: in high school? Anyone?
27:05
Speaker 1: As they settle in, the mood is formal, a little
27:08
Speaker 1: stilted since the room is only about the size of
27:11
Speaker 1: a small elevator. Their knees practically touch.
27:14
Speaker 3: You guys can start now, okay, thanks Clark. Clark says,
27:17
Speaker 3: we can start okay. So so I'm just gonna go
27:24
Speaker 3: backtrack a little bit. Yeah, so my memory is that
27:30
Speaker 3: we were all in sort of a tight knit group.
27:33
Speaker 2: You know, is it too early for me to ask
27:36
Speaker 2: this discussion?
27:37
Speaker 11: Why didn't you do it?
27:42
Speaker 2: For both of us?
27:45
Speaker 3: But then had also written fuck you on the garage door,
27:51
Speaker 3: and that then from from that point on, we never
27:56
Speaker 3: spoke again. And and it's something that has always stuck
28:03
Speaker 3: with me because I don't know why it happened. And
28:07
Speaker 3: so I guess I'd love to know what your memories are.
28:13
Speaker 1: Clark's got this look on his face. Love to know
28:16
Speaker 1: what your memories are. From his perspective, his mom's doing
28:20
Speaker 1: what she always does. That is exactly what he told
28:23
Speaker 1: her not to. She's being overly sensitive to Tessa's feelings.
28:28
Speaker 1: But even after thirty five years of waiting to ask
28:30
Speaker 1: the question, Sky just can't help being Sky. Tessa takes
28:35
Speaker 1: a sip of water.
28:37
Speaker 11: Sorry, I'm just my throat is dry.
28:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, no problem.
28:42
Speaker 1: Sky smiles warmly and gives Tessa a moment to collect herself.
28:47
Speaker 3: Take your time, so I have a vague recollection.
28:56
Speaker 6: It's really really vague. What I what really stands out
29:03
Speaker 6: is that we were just going teping, like we went
29:07
Speaker 6: teping a lot, you know, not just on that night,
29:11
Speaker 6: and we literally just stumbled upon your home. And that's
29:17
Speaker 6: why I remember.
29:18
Speaker 1: Clark furrows his brow. He wants his mother to push harder,
29:22
Speaker 1: be more aggressively.
29:24
Speaker 4: Mom, ask why you weren't invited to go toilet papering
29:28
Speaker 4: with them?
29:29
Speaker 1: That's a really good question. We watch a. Sky waits
29:32
Speaker 1: patiently for Testa to finish speaking.
29:35
Speaker 3: He wanted me to ask you why didn't come with
29:39
Speaker 3: you that night teeping?
29:41
Speaker 2: Why weren't you invited? Not why didn't that come why
29:44
Speaker 2: I wasn't invited.
29:48
Speaker 6: I I in my mind we had drifted apart by then.
29:55
Speaker 1: Inside the control room, Clark shakes his head.
29:59
Speaker 2: I think there's more the story, you do, Yeah.
30:02
Speaker 1: What makes you think that? He slumps back in his
30:06
Speaker 1: seat and crosses his arms. He seems frustrated.
30:13
Speaker 6: I remember your mom calling my mom, And for my
30:18
Speaker 6: mom it wasn't a big deal either. My mom, first
30:20
Speaker 6: of all, didn't even know what two being was. I
30:22
Speaker 6: had to explain it to her.
30:24
Speaker 2: Oh okay.
30:25
Speaker 6: I did not realize until maybe now that it was
30:32
Speaker 6: more of a big deal for you.
30:34
Speaker 2: Yeah.
30:35
Speaker 3: And I feel like you're being very, very honest, and
30:37
Speaker 3: I really really appreciate that.
30:40
Speaker 1: When Tessa and I last spoke, she mentioned how odd
30:43
Speaker 1: this whole undertaking seemed to her. A woman she hadn't
30:46
Speaker 1: heard from in thirty five years, wanted to talk to
30:49
Speaker 1: her about a random night from their childhood. Oh and
30:53
Speaker 1: she also wanted to bring along her eleven year old
30:55
Speaker 1: son and his forty eight year old sidekick, both of
30:59
Speaker 1: whom would be communicating with Sky through a secret microphone
31:04
Speaker 1: WA's way so she can talk about wait wait wait.
31:08
Speaker 1: Inside the control room, I watched Sky perform a delicate
31:11
Speaker 1: balancing act. She's aware that Clark is watching, so she's
31:14
Speaker 1: trying not to be too timid, but she also wants
31:17
Speaker 1: to set a good example for how to behave and
31:20
Speaker 1: through all that, she can't help seeing it from Tessa's perspective,
31:24
Speaker 1: how weird and uncomfortable this must be for her. Sky
31:28
Speaker 1: wants to help Tessa feel safe, and so she treads lightly.
31:33
Speaker 3: I mean, I think being the parent now of a child,
31:36
Speaker 3: I understand how quickly things can get confused. And it
31:42
Speaker 3: really was the words that that's what seemed to communicate
31:46
Speaker 3: to me, I've done something terrible, like I must have it.
31:52
Speaker 3: I must be responsible for this in some way, you know,
31:54
Speaker 3: And so I wondered, did I do something?
32:00
Speaker 1: You can see the TESSAs weighing her response. She doesn't
32:04
Speaker 1: quite know what to say, but with Sky being so
32:06
Speaker 1: gracious and open, it's like she feels the least she
32:09
Speaker 1: can do is try to meet her halfway, and so
32:12
Speaker 1: tentatively she offers a thought.
32:15
Speaker 11: Ah, maybe you were a little different than them in
32:30
Speaker 11: what way?
32:32
Speaker 1: Again? Tessa searches for the right words, all the while
32:36
Speaker 1: never seeing us or we, but always they.
32:42
Speaker 6: They were like they were a little mischievous. You know,
32:48
Speaker 6: they were a little rebellious and wanting to do something bad,
32:57
Speaker 6: and I was, and maybe you weren't. Maybe you didn't
33:02
Speaker 6: want to go along with what they were doing.
33:06
Speaker 2: Well, you know what's interesting about that is the whole
33:10
Speaker 2: tepeeing thing.
33:11
Speaker 3: I remember that being a sing but I remember I
33:15
Speaker 3: actually remember not wanting to do that. Would you say
33:22
Speaker 3: that that maybe I was more like a goodie two shoes.
33:26
Speaker 2: Type compared to them? Yeah, you know.
33:38
Speaker 1: According to Tessa, if Sky had stayed friends with those girls,
33:41
Speaker 1: it would have meant a summer of drinking alcohol and
33:44
Speaker 1: pulling off semi illegal pranks after dark, all things Sky
33:48
Speaker 1: wouldn't have wanted. Even back then, she didn't want to
33:52
Speaker 1: upset anyone. To her friends, that made her seem like
33:55
Speaker 1: a goody two shoes, And to a goody two shoes
33:58
Speaker 1: who thinks they're better than you, what could be more
34:01
Speaker 1: of a fuck you than a literal fuck you? The
34:04
Speaker 1: words large and clear emblazoned across her family's grage door.
34:10
Speaker 1: I turned to Clark to see what he makes of
34:12
Speaker 1: all this. Is there something that you feel like we're
34:14
Speaker 1: just kind of missing or we're not getting it?
34:19
Speaker 2: I remember really not wanting to be.
34:21
Speaker 1: Clark stairs straight ahead, watching his mom. I can see
34:25
Speaker 1: he's thinking something through. He makes a move towards the mic,
34:28
Speaker 1: but then shies away. He's antsy, rising from his seat,
34:32
Speaker 1: settling back. Eventually I make a suggestion, do you just
34:37
Speaker 1: want to go in there?
34:40
Speaker 2: Yeah?
34:40
Speaker 1: Totally. Clark gets up, leaves the control room and makes
34:45
Speaker 1: his way to the studio to talk to his mom
34:48
Speaker 1: in person. Watching him, I have no idea what he's
34:52
Speaker 1: up to.
34:53
Speaker 2: Oh Clark is here.
34:55
Speaker 1: Oh Clark enters the room.
34:58
Speaker 8: Was that?
35:00
Speaker 1: But it's not as mommy's addressing. It's Tessa. I take
35:04
Speaker 1: a deep breath as Clark begins to speak.
35:08
Speaker 4: Uh, did you feel in any way like dragged into it,
35:11
Speaker 4: like to do like to toilet paper people's houses.
35:18
Speaker 6: I don't know if I would say dragged, but I
35:21
Speaker 6: would say definitely I was a follower.
35:26
Speaker 1: I'm not exactly surprised by Clark's question. It's the same
35:30
Speaker 1: one he's been asking since the beginning, essentially, why did
35:34
Speaker 1: you do this to my mother? But I am surprised
35:37
Speaker 1: by the way he's asking it, not with anger but
35:40
Speaker 1: with sympathy. For the first time, Clark's trying to see
35:44
Speaker 1: it all from Tessa's perspective, he's following his mom's example.
35:49
Speaker 6: Sometimes you're with friends because those are the ones you have.
35:54
Speaker 6: So you'll stick with your friends even though you see
35:57
Speaker 6: things that you don't like in them. You just don't
36:01
Speaker 6: want to be alone.
36:04
Speaker 11: Yeah, thanks, okay, yeah, thanks Claire.
36:08
Speaker 1: And because Tessa didn't want to be alone, she continued
36:11
Speaker 1: to hang out with the girls for several more years
36:13
Speaker 1: before eventually finding a new group of friends. Tessa turns
36:18
Speaker 1: to Sky.
36:19
Speaker 6: Honey, you freaking dodged a bullet.
36:22
Speaker 12: That's what you did, not being with those girls, I
36:24
Speaker 12: have to say.
36:33
Speaker 1: Sky tells Tessa that there's still one thing she's been
36:36
Speaker 1: wondering about. Why did Tessa agree to talk with her
36:39
Speaker 1: at all? It would have been easy to say no,
36:42
Speaker 1: everyone else did.
36:44
Speaker 6: Why I said, yeah, truthfully, the call was so out
36:49
Speaker 6: of the blue, of course, I you know, at the beginning,
36:52
Speaker 6: I said, yeah, sure, you know, like, and then I
36:57
Speaker 6: talked to my daughter and she was like, no, like,
37:01
Speaker 6: don't do that.
37:02
Speaker 2: How old is your daughter?
37:03
Speaker 6: My daughter is almost thirteen?
37:05
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, what was she worried about?
37:09
Speaker 6: She's she kind of said, like, what's in it for you?
37:12
Speaker 2: Mm hm?
37:13
Speaker 6: You know, she was kind of worried that, like I
37:15
Speaker 6: would come out as a bad person or something.
37:19
Speaker 2: How is she feeling right now that you're here.
37:21
Speaker 11: She's mad?
37:22
Speaker 6: She is, Yeah, she's mad, But you know I told her,
37:25
Speaker 6: like not everything we do in life is for us,
37:28
Speaker 6: it's for other people as well, So she'll be fine.
37:33
Speaker 1: Whereas Guy set out to show her Sun that she
37:35
Speaker 1: has the courage to stand up for her own needs,
37:38
Speaker 1: Tessa wants to show her daughter that she has the
37:41
Speaker 1: courage to stand up for someone else's.
37:48
Speaker 6: I'm sorry that I didn't. The thought of you thinking
37:53
Speaker 6: for thirty five years that you had done something wrong
37:59
Speaker 6: is like, Oh, I really don't think that you did anything.
38:05
Speaker 6: I really don't. I'm sorry that you felt like that.
38:09
Speaker 6: You know, I wish that you hadn't.
38:11
Speaker 2: I'm so glad. I'm hearing it now.
38:14
Speaker 6: I'm glad too. So I'm really glad, And it's really
38:18
Speaker 6: good to see you. And you literally look exactly the same.
38:21
Speaker 6: Maybe your hair is a little shorter.
38:24
Speaker 4: And.
38:31
Speaker 3: Michael, go ahead, was that dramatic hug? Oh you want
38:37
Speaker 3: a dramatic hug.
38:38
Speaker 2: That's glad. I think we have to have the dramatic.
38:41
Speaker 1: Hug because the room's so small. When they stand, they're
38:47
Speaker 1: already almost touching. They look at each other for a
38:50
Speaker 1: brief moment, and then Sky opens her wings.
38:56
Speaker 6: Oh, it's good to see you.
38:59
Speaker 2: So good to see you.
39:08
Speaker 1: After the meeting with Tessa, Clark didn't have much to say,
39:12
Speaker 1: but at night, back in his room, in that space
39:15
Speaker 1: where he feels free to open up, Clark's eager to
39:17
Speaker 1: talk about Tessa.
39:20
Speaker 4: Honestly, I didn't know that person, so I thought they
39:24
Speaker 4: might like still be the bully, still bullying you. And
39:29
Speaker 4: I didn't want you to feel like scared or anything
39:32
Speaker 4: in that situation, so I was kind of anxious. Well,
39:35
Speaker 4: then I met Tessa and she was like super nice,
39:40
Speaker 4: she was super hard, And I feel like you'd like
39:48
Speaker 4: you weren't timid, Mommy, you were brave, Mommy.
39:55
Speaker 1: Tonight there's no talk of avenging. Through his mom's example,
39:59
Speaker 1: Clark learning that one can be kind without being timid.
40:03
Speaker 1: The kindness can carry its own strength.
40:07
Speaker 3: If you had if he hadn't had that night where
40:09
Speaker 3: you had said you have to figure this out, mom,
40:13
Speaker 3: I really honestly don't think I would have done it.
40:16
Speaker 2: So thank you. You're welcome.
40:24
Speaker 1: There's a lot more coming for Clark. Moments when he'll
40:27
Speaker 1: have to make difficult decisions. Some of them he'll talk
40:30
Speaker 1: about with Sky, and some he won't. But for now
40:35
Speaker 1: they keep talking, neither of them quite ready to go
40:39
Speaker 1: to sleep just yet.
40:41
Speaker 3: Remember when you said that there was an international Tomato day,
40:46
Speaker 3: Jop judging.
40:47
Speaker 2: Me, it was international.
41:26
Speaker 7: Now that the fern entures returning to its goodwill home,
41:36
Speaker 7: Now that the last month's rent is scheming, with the
41:40
Speaker 7: damage to possible, take this moment to dissolve. If we
41:47
Speaker 7: meant it, if we talked, we felt around for far,
41:53
Speaker 7: tooting from things that accidentally talk.
42:03
Speaker 1: Heavyweight is hosted and produced by me Jonathan Goldstein, along
42:06
Speaker 1: with Khalila Holt, Peter Bresnan, and Stevie Lane. The show
42:08
Speaker 1: is edited by Jorgeus, with additional editing by Alex Bloomberg.
42:12
Speaker 1: Special thanks to Emily Condon, Devin Taylor, Anica Pillsbury and
42:17
Speaker 1: jud jud Ju Ju Ju jud Ju Ju. Jackie Cohen.
42:20
Speaker 1: Bobby Lord mixed the episode with music by Christine Fellows,
42:23
Speaker 1: John K. Sampson, Blue Dot Sessions, and Bobby Lord he himself.
42:28
Speaker 1: Additional music credits can be found on our website gimltmedia
42:32
Speaker 1: dot com. Slash Heavyweight our theme song is by The
42:34
Speaker 1: Weaker Thans courtesy of Epitaph Records, and our ad music
42:38
Speaker 1: is by Hailey Shaw. Follow us on Twitter at Heavyweight
42:41
Speaker 1: or email us at Heavyweight at gimltmedia dot com. We'll
42:44
Speaker 1: have a new episode next week