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Raising Kind Kids In An Entitled World · Mom2Mom MENTORING - Work/Life Harmony, Soul-Care, Kingdom Minded Moms

• 0:00
  My oldest son, Philip, bless his heart.
• He had a hard time of it growing up.
• He had three women in his life who were constantly telling him what to do.
• His mom and two sisters, his younger brother, Jacob, had the same experience, but well, he was the baby of the family.
• So it was a little different.
• I remember one particular day when we were heading to the store as we approached.
• 0:27
  The door automatically slid open and Phillip, like any rambunctious young boy, ran right in.
• 0:34
  But, his older sister Morgan stopped outside the door and just stood there.
• After Phillip was in, he turned around and looked and he said, Why aren't you coming? She looked at him just matter of factly and said, It's polite to let women go in first, you know.
• 0:51
  You should hold the door open for me.
• 0:53
  And bless his heart, he actually stepped back out and let her go in first.
• Small acts like these, holding doors, offering a seat to someone older, waiting to eat until everyone is seated, were tiny lessons in kindness.
• 1:10
  That I tried to instill in, in my home.
• There were little ways that we could push back against the cultural norm of entitlement.
• 1:21
  Now, I may be old fashioned.
• 1:23
  I may even be over the hill as Billy Joel sings, but chivalry, it's not dead to me.
• 1:29
  My husband still opens my car door.
• 1:32
  He walks on the outside of the sidewalk and helps me on and off with my coat.
• 1:38
  Every time he does these things, I feel honored, cared for, and seen.
• And the thing is, these aren't big, grandiose gestures.
• They're small, intentional acts that send a message.
• You matter.
• 1:55
  I see you.
• 1:56
  I choose kindness.
• Mom2Mom Mentoring.
• This is the podcast for kingdom minded moms who want to live, lead, and love from an overflowing heart of joy and peace.
• I'm Misty, your gratitude guide, mom mentor, celebration coach, and I am your dream champion.
• And today, we're talking about something that's probably crossed your mind at least once.
• Am I raising an entitled kid? And more importantly, if so, what can I do about it? Now, listen, I know you're busy.
• You probably have at least one kid asking for a snack right now or trying to find his other sock.
• If your house is anything like mine was, then snack requests come Just minutes after a full meal kids apparently believe that refrigerators are Magical portals of never ending food.
• So if you're multitasking, no worries Just don't put the cereal in the fridge and the milk in the pantry Ask me how I know.
• Today, we're going to unpack what entitlement really looks like, how it sneaks into our parenting without us even realizing it, and most importantly, how we can raise kids who are truly kind, not just polite.
• But, before we dive in, I have a special invitation for you.
• If this episode speaks to your heart and you're ready to take a deeper dive into aligning your life with what matters most, then I want to invite you to my upcoming free Masterclass, Align Your Life With What Matters Most.
• This masterclass will help you identify your core values, recognize where you're living out of alignment and in alignment with those values, and will help you create a vision for raising kids who shine with kindness and integrity.
• Plus, It's free, so you have zero excuses unless you just really love feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.
• I'll share more about that later, but for now, let's get into today's conversation.
• So just so we're all on the same page, I'd like to dive into the definition of the word entitlement.
• The Cambridge English Dictionary defines entitlement as feeling that you have the right to do or have what you want without having to work for it or deserve it just because of who you are.
• Entitlement is a mentality rooted in the false belief that I deserve or have the right to do and have whatever I want without working for it.
• Entitlement isn't just about kids demanding the latest and greatest gadget or expecting dessert without eating their It's a mindset.
• It's a belief that they deserve special treatment without effort or gratitude.
• Entitlement carries the message that I deserve something.
• That I have a right to it.
• And living in opposition to entitlement.
• is countercultural.
• We're told that we deserve an easy life.
• I've talked to countless women who feel very deserving of a night out or getting their nails done.
• Now, Mom, I'm not saying that any of that is wrong by no means.
• We do need to care for our soul.
• But what I'm saying is when we begin to step over that line into I deserve this, it opens the door to entitlement.
• Entitlement can show up in a number of ways.
• It might involve complaining about chores instead of seeing them as a responsibility and a privilege for being a part of the family.
• Entitlement can be expecting rewards for basic behaviors like finishing the homework or being polite or finishing dinner.
• it could look like disrespecting teachers, coaches, even parents when someone doesn't get their way.
• It could also be the assumption that others should accommodate them without question.
• the Word of God, gives us a powerful example of what entitlement can actually cost us and our children in Luke 15.
• the story of the prodigal son, The younger son's entitlement cost him his inheritance, his security, His dignity, relationships, even his sense of home.
• Then there was the older son.
• His entitlement cost him too.
• It cost him his joy, his ability to be grateful.
• It cost him his relationship with his father and it cost him the ability to celebrate his brother's return.
• Beloved entitlement is costly.
• And the only way to combat it is through gratitude.
• and humility.
• There are some keys to raising kind kids, but let's talk about what gets in the way.
• Kristen Welch, in her book Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World, says, Entitlement didn't start with my kids.
• It began with me.
• I entitled them because I was entitled.
• We have to model kindness and compassion first and foremost.
• Dr.
• Richard Weisbaum of the Harvard Graduate School of Education and his team surveyed over 50, 000 middle and high school students and asked them What's more important to you? Caring for other people, achieving in school, or being happy? Mama, you guessed it, caring comes in last.
• they go on to ask students, are your parents prouder of you when you get good grades or if you are a good community member at school? Students were two to three times more likely to say that their parents would be prouder if they got good grades However, parents indicated that the most important thing to them was that their children care for others.
• Clearly, There's a reality gap.
• There's a difference between what we as parents are saying and what our children are actually hearing and absorbing.
• Parents who don't prioritize their children caring for others can deprive them of the chance to develop fundamental relationship skills.
• Studies show that caring for others is paramount to happiness and success.
• over the years, I've asked a lot of moms what they want for their kids I've said it.
• I'm sure you've said it.
• I just want my child to be happy But did you know that studies actually show when we focus on their happiness over interpersonal skills like compassion, kindness, empathy, we are actually setting our kids up for lives of searching for that ever elusive happiness.
• when happiness is your goal, you are creating an environment for entitlement.
• But, when you teach your children, Kindness and compassion.
• True gratitude.
• You are literally opening the door to happiness for them.
• Prioritizing happiness over character is another way that entitlement infiltrates our parenting.
• We want happy kids, but if we shied them away from disappointment or Always ensure that they get their way.
• We weaken their ability to handle life's challenges Entitlement is sneaky, because it can come disguised as confidence or ambition, but when you allow entitlement to grow unchecked, you are robbing your children of resilience, gratitude, and a heart for others.
• You know, even the best intentioned parents can unknowingly encourage entitlement.
• Prioritizing happiness over character is a way that entitlement infiltrates our parenting.
• Another way that you can create a culture of entitlement is Overpraising without effort.
• When, you tell your kids how amazing they are at everything, without acknowledging the hard work.
• Yes, you want your kids to feel confident.
• But, If this is an ongoing habit your child could start to expect praise without effort.
• Another way that entitlement can infiltrate parenting is when you rescue your children instead of letting them struggle.
• If you're always there to solve their problems, like forgotten homework, a missing soccer cleat, they never learn responsibility.
• are there ways that you have developed a habit of bailing your kids out? How does it feel for you to consider saying no? Might I suggest if it feels anxiety producing or like it could could be a potential place of conflict, you might have created a breeding ground for entitlement.
• In episode 41 Jodi Silverman, gives some really great ways and insight that can help you begin the process of letting your children grow up, releasing the title of Fix It Mom, If your go to title is The Rescuer, you might want to take a listen.
• Another way that you can create a culture of entitlement is when you give in to avoid conflict.
• It's easier to say yes to another treat or extra screen time than to deal with the whining or the fighting.
• But unfortunately, this reinforces entitlement.
• I am guilty of this one, especially with child number four.
• As I shared before, mealtimes and healthy eating habits were a priority for me.
• I wanted my kids to develop good eating habits, so we didn't keep chips or pop in the house.
• Unfortunately, my youngest son had different taste buds, and most of his meals consisted of ramen noodles and Vienna sausage.
• Look them up next time you're in the store.
• There is nothing good in them.
• I tried to quit buying them.
• But mealtimes became this chaotic catastrophe when they weren't a part of the menu.
• I just didn't have the energy.
• And you know what? At the age of 29, he still doesn't eat his veggies.
• I know.
• After a long day of work, running kids to their after school activities, thinking about what's on the menu for dinner, and who has to complete what project for tomorrow, not to mention the church committee and that hunk a hunk a hubby that wants some of your attention.
• Who cares about a meaningful conversation or if the kids have put away their clean laundry from the weekend? It's just easier to say, yes, you can play another 30 minutes on that game.
• I get it.
• our weariness and our inability to hold the line leads to Unhealthy character traits for our children, such as entitlement.
• Okay, so we've talked about how entitlement can sneak into our parenting, over praising, rescuing, giving in to avoid conflict, and prioritizing happiness over character.
• I'd like to invite you to ask yourself this question.
• Does God owe you anything? If so, what does he owe you? In Deuteronomy 30, God, the father tells his children, which I'm one of them, Oh, that you would choose life so that you and your descendants, children and grandchildren might live.
• You can make this choice by Loving the Lord your God.
• Check.
• Obeying Him.
• Okay, I obey pretty well.
• And committing yourself firmly to Him.
• I'm committed, God.
• Now then, let's turn the pages of time a few thousand years and see what Jesus, the only begotten Son, says about entitlement.
• Jesus confronts the spirit of entitlement.
• In Luke 17, here it is from the Passion Translation.
• After a servant has finished his work in the field or with the livestock, he doesn't immediately sit down and relax and eat.
• No, a true servant prepares the food for his master and makes sure his master is served the meal before he sits down to eat.
• Does a true servant expect to be thanked for doing what is required of him? So, learn this lesson after doing all that is commanded of you, AKA obeying, simply say, we are mere servants, undeserving of special praise, for we are just doing what is expected of us and fulfilling our duties.
• And God shared.
• In the Deuteronomy passage that our duty is to obey.
• In fact, he said it is one of the key ways to find life for ourselves and our children.
• There's a chorus by Justin Rizzo that became popular in my early years of following hard after Jesus.
• I sang this over and over.
• It's just a simple phrase that says, you owe me nothing.
• I deserve hell.
• You owe me nothing, but you've given me mercy.
• Beloved, you are owed nothing by your heavenly father.
• You and I deserve hell and our entitlement is affecting our kids.
• It is affecting our happiness.
• It is affecting the happiness and well being of our children and our children's children.
• Remember, every good and perfect gift is a gift from the Father of Lights.
• If you are seeing evidence of entitlement in your children, perhaps the apple isn't falling far from the tree, and it's God's invitation for you to turn the mirror back against you.
• Into your own soul and let his spotlight shine in the areas where you might be hiding a spirit of entitlement Teaching our kids how to be grateful over entitlement is one of the best gifts that you can do for their future.
• if your child sees you cutting off people in traffic, snapping at the cashier, grumbling or complaining because someone doesn't move their trash back inside after three days, or rolling your eyes when Aunt Martha calls or the neighbor knocks on the door, They're going to assume that that's normal behavior.
• you can become more mindful of your own heart and behavior and begin to make changes that you want to see emulated in your children.
• You can also begin to celebrate kindness, like you celebrate achievements.
• It's easy to make a big deal when your kids do well in school or sports.
• We used to reward our son with a pizza.
• Every time he made a goal in soccer, perhaps your kids get money for good grades or doing their chores, but do you celebrate kindness in the same way? It can be as simple as saying, I saw that, I'm so proud of you.
• Those kinds of things reinforce the value of kindness.
• You can teach your children the truth about entitlement Get in the habit of asking questions.
• A great question to ask your young person what do you think is most important to me in raising you? Lean in and listen to what they think.
• What are your actions telling them? It's a wonderful basis for conversation and a terrific way to hold each other accountable.
• If kindness and caring for other people are really your priorities, you can have thoughtful discussions about that.
• In episode number 40 Lauren Wittig, shares how during prayer time, conversations gravitate towards helping others.
• Lauren is putting an example before her young daughters by having her business support 12 charitable organizations each year.
• That's a lot.
• Her kids see their mom involved in the community and they're doing the same.
• So, What's the one thing that you can take away from today's episode? This week, I would like to challenge you to be intentional about celebrating an act of kindness in your home.
• Whether it's your child sharing a toy, holding a door, or simply taking the time to say thank you without being prompted, make a big deal about it.
• Reinforce that kindness is just as important as achievements.
• If you found this episode helpful, check out my free workshop, Align Your Life With What Matters Most.
• We will talk more about the things that you value and how to live a life in alignment with those things also, I invite you to take a moment to share this episode and leave a five star review because when moms support moms, we all win.
• Mama, keep living boldly, leading confidently, and loving intentionally.
• Until next time, keep shining bright.