Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #607 Holiday Hot Seat - Michaeleen Doucleff

Transcript

#607 Holiday Hot Seat - Michaeleen Doucleff · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just once answers now good day.
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  Speaker 2: This is doctor Justin Coulson, the founder of Happy Families
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  Speaker 2: dot com dot a you, dad toes six daughter's husband
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  Speaker 2: to one wife, and the parenting expert and co host
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  Speaker 2: on chan Lyne's Parental Guidance. Also the host of this podcast,
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  Speaker 2: That Could Be Families Podcast. Thank you so much for
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  Speaker 2: listening and allowing me into your life to hopefully be
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  Speaker 2: useful in making your family happier. Right now, school holidays
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  Speaker 2: in Queensland, which means that I'm doing my best to
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  Speaker 2: spend as much time in the sunshine with Kylie and
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  Speaker 2: the girls as I can today a guest that I
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  Speaker 2: am so excited to speak to. Just a couple of
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  Speaker 2: months ago, I read a book called Hunt Gather Parent. Now,
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  Speaker 2: it's not the perfect pairenting book, I don't think that exists,
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  Speaker 2: but I got so much inspiration from this book. I
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  Speaker 2: really it's very rare that I love reading a parenting book,
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  Speaker 2: but this was a book that, really I just thought
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  Speaker 2: it was amazing.
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  Speaker 1: Hunt Gather Parent.
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  Speaker 2: The author is michae Lean du Cleft and Michael Lean
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  Speaker 2: is going to be joining me in the Happy Family's
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  Speaker 2: Hot Mess Summit. All the details are online. We would
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  Speaker 2: love for you to join us for what is going
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  Speaker 2: to be, I think the best summit we've ever done.
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  Speaker 2: We've done the Bringing Up Boys Summit, We've done the
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  Speaker 2: Misconnection Summit and Little People Big Feelings. They are literally
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  Speaker 2: world class. They are I mean, the content, the tips,
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  Speaker 2: the strategyes, the ideas, the guests, the expert level phenomenal.
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  Speaker 2: But this Happy Family Is hot Ness Summit might be
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  Speaker 2: the best one we've ever done. It's coming up all
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  Speaker 2: the details or at Happy Families dot com dot U
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  Speaker 2: or on our Happy Families Facebook page.
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  Speaker 1: Michael In du Cleft, the author of Hunting Gather Parent,
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  Speaker 1: is going to.
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  Speaker 2: Be one of our guests in the Hot Mess Summit
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  Speaker 2: that she joins me today for a lightning round. Michael
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  Speaker 2: In Doucleaf, who lives in San Francisco with her one daughter,
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  Speaker 2: aged I think about six, Is.
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  Speaker 1: That right, Michael Lien six?
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  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, six years old and Michaelen has been so
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  Speaker 2: kind to jump on to the Happy Families podcast with
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  Speaker 2: me and have a conversation about all things parenting in
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  Speaker 2: our Lightning Round.
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  Speaker 1: So Michaelen, you have one child age six. My first
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  Speaker 1: question is usually do you have a favorite child?
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  Speaker 2: But you've only got one child, so I guess I
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  Speaker 2: know the answer to that one.
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  Speaker 3: I have a dog, but the human child is the.
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  Speaker 1: Favorite, right, not the third baby? Who do you love
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  Speaker 1: the most? The dog, your partner Matt or your baby girl?
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  Speaker 3: My gosh, you know it's I'm all into family, so
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  Speaker 3: it's all equal?
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  Speaker 2: Are you so diplomatic? I like people squirming when I
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  Speaker 2: asked that question. What's your ideal number of kids?
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  Speaker 1: And why?
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  Speaker 3: You know? I think three, but I would space them out,
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  Speaker 3: you know, not two years. I would space them to
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  Speaker 3: four years because I think with three, you've got the
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  Speaker 3: oldest one. When four years they can start taking care
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  Speaker 3: of the middle one, and then that teaches the middle
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  Speaker 3: one how to take care of the little one, and
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  Speaker 3: you kind of got a whole team going on. It's
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  Speaker 3: like a basketball team, you know.
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  Speaker 1: I like that.
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  Speaker 3: With I was younger, I would have two more, but
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  Speaker 3: space them out. Two years is too short, especially if
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  Speaker 3: you don't have help. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we've got our six. They're all girls, so
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  Speaker 2: we've got a netball team. Next question for you, I
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  Speaker 2: know that you used to rate yourself pretty poorly as
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  Speaker 2: a parent until you went and wrote Hunt, Gather, Parent
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  Speaker 2: and learned from all of these ancient cultures. How do
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  Speaker 2: you write yourself as a parent?
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  Speaker 1: Now?
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  Speaker 3: Okay, I started it like a one out of ten,
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  Speaker 3: and I'm saying like, at a.
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  Speaker 1: Seven, that's that's pretty dramatic improvement. Last work. And then
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  Speaker 1: you'll have a teenager and wonder whether you deserve the seven. Well,
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  Speaker 1: we'll give you.
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  Speaker 3: You'll be a follow up book for the teenager because
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  Speaker 3: I get asked for it all the time, so I
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  Speaker 3: know I'm gonna need it.
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  Speaker 1: Wonderful.
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  Speaker 2: What's something great that your parents did that you've tried
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  Speaker 2: to continue on your parenting?
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  Speaker 3: My dad gardened with me when I was little. He
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  Speaker 3: had a massive garden, and then my grandfather did it
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  Speaker 3: too as I got older, and that has been wonderful
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  Speaker 3: for me and Rosie. We garden every weekend, and gardening
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  Speaker 3: teaches kids so many skills besides just loving nature and
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  Speaker 3: their food. It teaches you to be, you know, humble
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  Speaker 3: and patient and things will work out.
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  Speaker 1: And garden, garden, garden, You've inspired me. Who's the better parent?
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  Speaker 1: You or Matt oh Me?
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  Speaker 3: For sure?
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  Speaker 2: You didn't even think that's I wrote a book. Most
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  Speaker 2: people squam what's the hardest thing about being a parent.
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  Speaker 3: But we talked about a little bit of like being
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  Speaker 3: patient when you ask kids to do things. I recently
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  Speaker 3: I haven't been good at that. I asked her, as
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  Speaker 3: you to do something, and like I say in my book,
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  Speaker 3: a lot of parents just ask and wait five minutes
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  Speaker 3: and then ask again without being more emotional. So find
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  Speaker 3: your shoes or Nesto. Find your shoes are Nesto? Find
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  Speaker 3: your shoes are Nesto? Completely the same, and I need
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  Speaker 3: to be.
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  Speaker 1: Better, but with five minutes in between each one. I
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  Speaker 1: love it.
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  Speaker 3: But five minutes between each one, which is a long time,
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  Speaker 3: you know, bring out your stock watch and try it.
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  Speaker 3: It's a long time. But you've challenged me to do
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  Speaker 3: it today. I'm going to do it tonight.
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  Speaker 2: If you could spend one hour with Rosie you're six
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  Speaker 2: year old, at any age, why would you choose and
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  Speaker 2: why I'd like to.
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  Speaker 3: Go back when she was like a baby baby, because
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  Speaker 3: I didn't really get to enjoy it very much because
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  Speaker 3: I was so stressed, and I was so anxious, and
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  Speaker 3: I was you know, and I was so worried and controlling,
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  Speaker 3: and I'd like to try it again as the.
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  Speaker 2: Mike lean Now, Ah, that's beautiful. What's your ultimate joy
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  Speaker 2: as a parent?
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  Speaker 3: Oh? Working together with Rosie, like really cooperating, like when
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  Speaker 3: we really cooperate, and like, like I say in the book,
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  Speaker 3: work is one organism with multiple hands. There's not a
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  Speaker 3: lot of talking, you know. Like we were making kebabs.
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  Speaker 3: She puts one piece on and I put a piece on,
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  Speaker 3: and we're just having this really fluid interaction and it's
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  Speaker 3: joyful for me, but for her it just you can tell.
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  Speaker 3: It's like the best thing in the world that we
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  Speaker 3: made this together.
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  Speaker 1: It's inspiring.
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  Speaker 2: What's the right age for a child to have a
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  Speaker 2: mobile phone?
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  Speaker 3: Okay, when the child can pay for the phone and
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  Speaker 3: pay for the service.
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  Speaker 2: As well, that's the answer I always give. No one
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  Speaker 2: else says that, but that's my answer as well. I
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  Speaker 2: said to my kids, when you can pay for it
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  Speaker 2: anyway back to you, sorry, Maya.
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  Speaker 3: That's that comes from the Maya families. The kids have
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  Speaker 3: to pay for it all.
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  Speaker 1: Perfect.
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  Speaker 3: You get a job, you can have the phone.
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  Speaker 1: Perfect. I love it.
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  Speaker 2: What's the thing that your parents always said to you
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  Speaker 2: that you swore you would never say, but it popping
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  Speaker 2: out of your mouth?
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  Speaker 3: Oh what did I say? Did I? What did I say?
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  Speaker 3: I'm not gonna say it again? What does that even mean?
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  Speaker 3: I'm not gonna say it again? Well, what's gonna happen
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  Speaker 3: if I have to say it again? And I heard
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  Speaker 3: my sister say it the other day and I was like,
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  Speaker 3: Oh no, it still pops out of my mouth. I'm
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  Speaker 3: not going to tell you again. What am I going
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  Speaker 3: to do if I have to tell her again? It's
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  Speaker 3: just it's a threat, right, But it's so like thin
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  Speaker 3: leave Hill in BAPD just full of air.
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  Speaker 1: I love that.
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  Speaker 2: What's your little girl, Rosie's favorite thing to do with you, Michaelan,
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  Speaker 2: I think Carden.
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  Speaker 3: Well, she doesn't like cooking right now. Travel. She loves
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  Speaker 3: loves traveling.
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  Speaker 2: I'm not surprised based on where she's been, the Arctic, Africa,
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  Speaker 2: My village is amazing. Okay, we got three questions to go.
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  Speaker 2: Let's do this nice and quick. What are you most
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  Speaker 2: looking forward to as a parent?
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  Speaker 3: I mean her being a teenager. I'm really excited about it.
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  Speaker 3: I'm excited to try all this stuff I've read. I've
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  Speaker 3: been reading about teenagers around the world and what parents do.
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  Speaker 3: And I'm really excited to try it because something I've
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  Speaker 3: learned is that taking problems as like problems are like practice,
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  Speaker 3: right every time there's a problem, it's a practice for something.
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  Speaker 3: And so I'm trying not to shy away from problems
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  Speaker 3: really like lean into them.
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  Speaker 2: If you could go back to you as a young
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  Speaker 2: mom having one of those really tough moments and being
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  Speaker 2: so inexperienced, what advice would.
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  Speaker 3: You give yourself Start reading David Lancy's book about Parenting
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  Speaker 3: and Childhood around the World, because once I started reading
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  Speaker 3: that things, that's when I started opening my eyes. Oh.
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  Speaker 3: I would read my book. I read my book. I
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  Speaker 3: read my book. You know. I used to read the
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  Speaker 3: inuite section like every couple of weeks because I was
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  Speaker 3: so bad at being calm and patient and it would
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  Speaker 3: help me like be calm and patient, and so I
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  Speaker 3: had to read it over and over again in order
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  Speaker 3: to learn it. So I would definitely read my book
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  Speaker 3: and then David Lancy's book.
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  Speaker 2: So before I ask you the last question, i'd need
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  Speaker 2: to I need to just emphasize something. I'm just supposed
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  Speaker 2: to be a lightning around and this podcast supposed to
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  Speaker 2: be really short, but I have to say this, and Michael,
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  Speaker 2: and this may I hope that you're okay with compliments.
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  Speaker 2: I very rarely read parenting books. There's that whole diminishing returns.
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  Speaker 2: I've read so much about parenting, and reading a parenting
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  Speaker 2: book kind of feels like a waste of time for
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  Speaker 2: me because I know most of what I'm going to
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  Speaker 2: read in most books, and most people don't do parenting
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  Speaker 2: books that they're not saying anything that's unique or new,
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  Speaker 2: and quite often they're not even all that helpful. So
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  Speaker 2: I mean, obviously my books are an exception, but your book,
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  Speaker 2: I know, if you could travel back in time and
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  Speaker 2: talk to yourself as a young parent, you said that
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  Speaker 2: you would give.
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  Speaker 1: Your book to you. I would too.
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  Speaker 2: Your book is a book that is now on my
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  Speaker 2: list of books to give people because I loved it
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  Speaker 2: so much, and that's something that I just I don't
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  Speaker 2: say that about parenting books very often because they annoy
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  Speaker 2: me so much because so few people will say the
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  Speaker 2: kinds of things that I'm saying in my books. But
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  Speaker 2: what you've done is you've taken many of the ideas
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  Speaker 2: that I have, and you've given them context in these
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  Speaker 2: different family in these different cultures, and you've made them
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  Speaker 2: so practical. Hunt Gathered Parent is a book that I
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  Speaker 2: would give to a young parent who was struggling in
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  Speaker 2: those tough moments as well. I would say, read this,
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  Speaker 2: it's so helpful. That's a really big, van blatant advertisement
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  Speaker 2: for your book, But I love Hunt Gathered Parent, So
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  Speaker 2: thank you for what you've written.
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  Speaker 3: Thank you so much. That means a lot to me.
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  Speaker 2: The last question that I'm going to ask you, Michaelan,
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  Speaker 2: is what's your biggest win as a parent?
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  Speaker 3: As a mom, I raised a kid who we were
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  Speaker 3: at the pool today with a Rosie's friend and her
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  Speaker 3: little brother, so not Rosie's little brother, the friend's brother,
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  Speaker 3: and he was struggling. He was hanging on the side
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  Speaker 3: and I could see that the sister was swimming away.
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  Speaker 3: And Rosie went over there and started helping him and
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  Speaker 3: started swimming with him. And I asked her, I said,
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  Speaker 3: what was happening? She said, well, the girl, little girl
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  Speaker 3: was being mean to her brother, and I wanted to
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  Speaker 3: help them. And you can't ask for more. Right, this
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  Speaker 3: is to raise a kid that does that. I mean,
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  Speaker 3: she might not go to a her but she's she
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  Speaker 3: knows how to be kind to other people. That's what
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  Speaker 3: brings us joy in our lives.
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  Speaker 2: Michaelandcliffe, the author of Hunt Gather Parent, thanks so much
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  Speaker 2: for joining me for a Happy Families lightning around on
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  Speaker 2: the Happy Families podcast.
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  Speaker 3: Oh thank you for having me. It's fun.
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  Speaker 2: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Rulan from
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer and for
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: more and fol about making you family happy, visit happy
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: Families dot com dot you, or grab a copy of
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: Hunt Gathered Parent by Michaelan Ducliffe