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The Power Of Knowing Your DISC Profile – As Well As Your Spouse’s · The Missing Secret Podcast

• 0:00
  John Mitchell: Welcome to The Missing Secret Podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield, hey, and I'm John Mitchell. So Kelly, a question for you, what is maybe the most significant thing you've learned this year?
• 0:13
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, in 2024 and I think you know you real quick, before we jumped on, you had mentioned that I hadn't put a lot of thought into it, the first thing that popped into my head was just a validation or a reminder of just how resilient I am. It was a really, probably one of the toughest years from a professional standpoint, that I've had in a long time, you know, and so navigating all of that through this year, you know, being able to look back on the year and say, you know, what, a lot of that was really hard, but here I am now on the other side of it, and, you know, and seeing, you know, I made it through it, and then I'm also to some of the other things that are hard were just some real decisions that were made. You know, moving, you know, doing a major move like that to a new community, and now being on the other side of it, now that all of that's done, and being like, wow, you know, that was hard, but my life is better as a result of having gone through that and and that, that resilience that I experienced this year, I said it validated it, because that muscle has been getting, you know, built for a long time, and this new home we moved into is a is another validation of that history of being resilient we're now, I'm in this, you know, dream situation with this gorgeous view that I've always wanted, you know, that was, is part of my, you know, visualization. And so anyway, when you first asked me that question, and then, like, five minutes ago, that was the first thing that popped in. So that's what I'm going with right now.
• 1:50
  John Mitchell: Well, you know, I was thinking about what was the most significant thing I learned this year? And in the course, I feel like I learned a lot, but maybe the most significant was the impact of the DISC profile and understanding what I am and also understanding what ginger is. And so maybe that's the title of our episode today, is the power of knowing your DISC profile, knowing your partner's DISC profile. And you know, I'll share with the audience, Kyle, this is sort of played out with me, and this is just natural with people. You know, when you're married, let me back up. I think it plays out in your marriage all the time, but it plays out in your interactions with other people, in that, you know, if other people see the world differently, and you do, you just say they're wrong at a subconscious level. Would you agree with that?
• 2:47
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, yeah, no, totally. You're just like, what's wrong with them? Why does they pick what I think Right,
• 2:54
  John Mitchell: Right? But you know, the reality is, they're not wrong. They likely process information differently than you do. So I, sir, I taught this to my class this year and and really got tuned into it, and actually got tuned into what is known as the Enneagram. Have you ever heard of that
• 3:14
  Kelly Hatfield: Is the Enneagram? Yeah, but I haven't done a deep dive or anything on it. I've just heard of it well,
• 3:20
  John Mitchell: You know, back in the summer, ginger and I and the family went to Sedona, saw about a marriage retreat, and they taught us the Enneagram. But as I dug deeper, I saw that I liked this profile better because it's simple and just for audience that know what it is, there's four distinct personality times A D, an I, an S, and a C, D stands for dominant, you know, sort of the CEO type. The I stands for an influencer, which is sort of the people person. The S is for that steady Eddie, you know, and then the C is for the person that's basically perfectionist, and which one you are is determined by what of by two factors, excellent. Do you do things fast or slow? And are you people oriented, or are you task oriented? Well, I'm a B, I go fast and I'm task Korean. And ginger, as an example, is a C, the perfectionist, and she goes slow and is also task oriented, although she is also a high I, and I'm sort of a high I as well. But this is so helpful in in my marriage, but, but overall, even in that, you know, when Jen has a different opinion or she's going slow and I'm like, Come on, babe, let's move it on here. You know, I'm way more accepting of going well, hey. She just processing information different than I am. It's okay, you know, that's her. Yeah, I wouldn't learn to be just like me. That's what, you know, creates, you know, the great chemistry we have. And so it's just been such a game changer in and in my visualization, I articulate that 91% of people are different than me, because that's the statistic, is that if you're a D, only 9% of people are DS, most the other ones, the percentage that you're one of those is around 30% give or take a percentage or or two. But it has been very impactful in my marriage, and very impactful and just dealing with people that have a different opinion than I do. And I'm sort of curious, what do you know? What what your profile is?
• 5:50
  Kelly Hatfield: I don't It's been so many years since I took that back, even before I owned my first business, I think is when I took that so it's been a long time. I need to re take it. But the thing that stands out in my mind, as you're talking is it goes back to like that baseline key in effective communication, which is seeking, first, to understand and I think we could all benefit from understanding each other better, to have more games and productive conversations and have that tolerance for one another, if you've got an understanding of Whether it's disc or whatever the particular situation is, having understanding. You know, first asking questions, like we've talked about, gets you to that place of understanding where you can have, you know, that acceptance, like you're saying it's instead of being frustrated, you know, you're like, oh, you know, well, no, that's just we're different for one another, and here's how. So I love the what you're saying about knowing you know specifically what that other person's disc is, or whatever method you use, from a measurement standpoint of understanding that, I think it's very meaningful and would probably help a lot of arguments happening
• 7:00
  John Mitchell: Absolutely well, you know, I can just tell you you're a high I, yeah. I mean, you might be a D as well. I have a feeling you're very similar to to me, high D, really high D and a high i. And, you know, here's something that's interesting. When you understand what you are. You can also look and see, well, what are the traits of a D, and what are the weaknesses of the D? Now, example, with with me. So the strings are decisive, action oriented, results oriented, strong sense of urgency, confident. So those are the good things. The weaknesses are, says anger and anger and hostility. I don't know what you're laughing about,
• 7:52
  Kelly Hatfield: Not you having your visualization something about patience,
• 7:55
  John Mitchell: Yeah, yeah, no, but it says that you you suppress it. Yeah, I used to not even suppress it that much. It also says you're blunt and impatient. Well, you know that to be true. And it says others perceive you to be self centered, which is interesting, because one of the things I put in my visualization, from taking the DISC profile and understanding myself better, I see that my weakness is that I can be self centered, and so I have made it a point to be less that way, and I and I've seen it play out in my life, in that, you know, every every class, for my class, I give a five minute speech before I get into the whatever the topic is, and I'm talking about something going on in the world, or what we were learning, you know, so I've made it the point to not be so me oriented. And I will, once I started doing this, I would, you know, I practice the heck out of my speech. I'd practice it four or five times for I deliver it, and then I start looking at them. Well, that's about me. They don't care about me. But you know, what's the value to them, you know, and it made the speeches more effective and less job oriented. And so I know I hear it. Thank you. But you know, surprisingly, not want that either. But you know, it's good to understand yourself, because you're blind to whatever your inclinations are, but you're used to is for you can't see the forest for the trees, and so I just found it, it fascinating. And you know, here it is for a knot, because I I'm projecting that you're a knot. Yeah, drinks? Are you? Strong communicator. We know that persuasive charisma and likability good at dealing with change and you're trusting. You agree with all that,
• 10:11
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, I would say I'm trusting. Yeah. I would say to us that that would be the one thing where I would be. I'm a skeptic. I can be a skeptic sometimes, but other, the rest of the stuff I would feel, and I mean, in general, I am, unless you give me a reason to not trust you, or I feel an energy from you that says you're not trustworthy, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.
• 10:31
  John Mitchell: You know, it's funny. I had someone come to me last week that is super, super into doing the thank you be at method, and he's a coach, and we got talking about the DISC profile, and he says, Oh yeah, I tell you some of the D or an i They're totally trusting in the if you have a new thing and you say, it's great, they're going to believe it. Whereas the people that are the S's in the C's, they're way more skeptical? Well, I never worried that, but it sure makes sense that, yeah, totally Yeah. And then then the negatives is for an eye, is your emotional more concerned with popularity and what people think than results in attention to detail? What do you think about that that matter. That would be, you, of course,
• 11:23
  Kelly Hatfield: No, um, no, what was the first one? Again,
• 11:27
  John Mitchell: Emotional
• 11:29
  Kelly Hatfield: I would, you know, it depends in different situations and everything I can I can be, but not necessarily, not usually in business or having to do with any employees or anything along those lines. But on the personal side, I can't be
• 11:42
  I can cut throat, baby. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. No. And then I think that the other one more concerned about popularity would have been true 10 years ago. And this goes back to wisdom and that kind of thing, like, right now, I could really care. I don't care what anybody thinks about me, what I mean, unless I've, unless I've done something that compromises this against my identity. You know, where I'm feeling like that wasn't I wish I wouldn't have said that, because that isn't how I wanted to show you know what I mean. But otherwise I don't as far as popularity is not important to me in any stretch of the imagination. But if you would have asked me 10 years ago and prior, that probably would have been true,
• 12:29
  John Mitchell: Right? Well, you know, that's a good example why learning about yourself is important. Because, you know, if, if you understood this at a deeper, deeper level, let's say you were 10 years ago. You could have sort of eliminated it or mitigated it just from the knowledge of it, instead of just waiting 10 years for maturity to sort of evolve that we do. You
• 12:54
  Kelly Hatfield: Absolutely. And I think there's one underlying point that I want to make here, too, and, and I'm curious, John. And then maybe this comes in the form of a question as well, which is, this all takes a certain level of self awareness and a certain level of a willingness to take a close look at yourself, which I think that a lot of people are, I don't know whether I don't want to say afraid to do it, but, you know, maybe if Yeah, afraid to pull the hood back a little bit, or to be accountable for but like, what are your thoughts about people and self awareness, and to what degree people are self aware? Because this does take, you know, you had said something to where it talked about, well, just like I did, where there's the kind of things that can be a drawback from this type of I or D, to be able to look at that and say, you know, is that true? Am I self centered, or am I emotional, or whatever the case may be, to be able to really look at that and then sit in that and be okay with, you know what? You know when I really think about this, and if I'm honest with myself, then this is probably true to a certain degree. You know, how many people do you think have the capacity, you know, or how prevalent is that in today's society? I'm not sure what question I'm asking, but specifically around self awareness, because this does take a certain degree of that and a willingness to lift up the hood and take a look.
• 14:19
  John Mitchell: You know, I think very few people are self aware. I sort of have fallen back to this idea that, you know, thing of be it is for the 2% because, you know, I see three things have to happen. One, they have to be driven. And when I say driven, they have have a strong desire to play the game of life with their full potential. That's a key. And then on a scale of one to 10, they need to be a nine or a 10. If they're eight, think of it as not for you. The other one is they have to be deep. They have to be reflective about their life and and I see that most people are not that way. They're just shallow. Through thinking, and they, you know, they just roll through life. And, as you know, just get up each day and and they're just not a lot of reflection on on their life. Well, okay, that's okay. That's not me, that's not you, but, and it's not for anybody that you know, if you're that way, then think it wouldn't be for you. And then the third thing is you gotta you've got to embrace change and accept that, oh, this is an actual way of doing life. And for me to do it, I would have to change my morning routine, and I'd have to man up, or woman up, and create clarity about about my life. And so people are either going to do that from inspiration of seeing the upside, or they're going to do it from feeling the frustration of the downside and being wired for survival. And so, you know, I those are the three critical aspects for someone to know about themselves to do this methodology. And you know, second about the things that I learned from my class, and I just gave them their final exam, and it was so interesting to see what sort of came from that. And so many I asked them, What are the three biggest things you learn? Well, firstly, every one of them said, I didn't know I was wired for surviving. And I didn't know the three impacts of being wired for survival, meaning that they're 75% of their thoughts are fear based, and their reactants rather than proactive, and they're profoundly resistant to change. So they didn't know they were wired for survival. They didn't know what that meant. They also didn't know that 95% of their daily thus actions are unconscious. And, you know, those are the sort of the two big ones that jumped out but, and that's what I would have thought. But, you know, it's, it's interesting when you're, you know, like this finished grading, you know, so I've been grading away for the past three days, and everyone's telling me that. So it makes me understand, you know, people that aren't familiar with this, what's new to them, and that's new to all of them. That was totally interesting. The other thing that I that was interesting is, is I sort of explained to them, this is an actual way of doing life, which is unique. You know, nobody has ever taught them an actual way of doing life. And I asked him, I said, Do you buy that that is an actual way of their life? And do you know of a better what? Well, they're like, Yeah, this is a way of doing life, and I can't think of a better one. And, you know, it's interesting when I ask of that question. You know, of course, they, they have it. They're 20 years old, right? But, but, you know, I asked 50 year olds, and they wouldn't either. And you know, the thing that that I think back now in my life, the real turning point above everything else, was at 50, laying in bed that one night, three months after I turned 50, and thinking, Oh, I see how, maybe to take my success to a much higher level. I'm going to go find the top book the world on success and apply that book, literally, word for word, to my life. You know that changed my life right there, that that idea changed my life, and that's why, you know, being in the success business, I'm amazed nobody's teaching people a way to do life. And, oh, by the way, if they have one, I dare say that our method is better than your method, because we're applying the central concept of the topic world on success. You know, deploying Hill is a genius. You know, all I did was figure out how to align it. But, you know, he's the real genius.
• 19:04
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, no, I think until I this methodology came into my life, as we've talked about before, I had a real growth mindset. I love to learn, and I was used to people telling me or teaching me what to do, what to think, you know, whether it was a strategy or tactic, but not how to think, yeah, not how to use my brain, you know, to leverage that to have success. And so when you're talking about specifically a way to do life, or a success formula or a I mean, like you would have asked me this before I met you, I would have said, well, I just am and doing my best, and I'm trying to learn, you know, every day, and that's the extent to probably what my The answer would have been, you know, I didn't have a strategy for success, but,
• 19:55
  John Mitchell: You know, that was your strategy, and it helped. Yeah, yeah. Know, I mean, no, you from an early age, you were focused on learning and growing and just that continual process. You finally, well, there were a lot of things that impacted your success along the way, but at the end of the day, it was that focus on learning and growing.
• 20:21
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, learning and growing, and then that the next level and nuance was teaching me how to reprogram that subconscious to better utilize all of the things that I was learning, to be able to do those consistently, integrate those into my life and my identity. That was the switch Yeah, that was flipped for me,
• 20:43
  John Mitchell: Right? You know, one of the things I taught him is the five components of doing your best. You know, actually six components of doing your best. And, you know, when I was in my 30s and 40s, Hey, God, just saw doing my best. Was getting up early. And, you know, I saw that. You know, how naive that was, you know. And one of the fundamental aspects of doing my best was understanding how the human mind works. Because if you, if you do that, you're way beyond 98% of the people, because they damn sure don't know, you know how the human mind works and how to use that to their advantage. But you know, also, you know, figuring out what moves the needle if being highly organized, you know that, I mean, those are basically the opponents of doing your best. And you know, understanding what that is, especially when you're articulating it in your visualization, that's powerful.
• 21:39
  Kelly Hatfield: Yes, no, absolutely, a total game changer. So no, I was curious that we I got us off track with that question about self awareness. But, you know, I think that that I was just curious to get your thoughts, because you have to be willing to take a look, and you have to be willing to, you know, really evaluate and be honest with yourself, you know, so that you can move forward, you know, in life. Because the question that I would have is, you know, like, if you're happy where you are today, and you're, you know, satisfied with the way that your life is and how it's turning out, the trajectory you're on, well then great, you know, like, keep doing you you know what I mean, and but if you're not, you have to take out the microscope, you know what I mean, and look, and take a closer look, right? Well,
• 22:25
  John Mitchell: You know, and, and it gets back to, you know, the things I learned, I guess, the when I look back on it, the biggest thing I I learned is you and I you me less, less than you live in a bubble. You know, you're, you're getting your bubble pierced every was one, yeah, by having a big cup deed that you're running. But, but I certainly have been living in a bubble. And then, you know, but when I teach this and and I see how many, you know, one after another after another, talks about how they feel like they're not enough and they're not good enough. And I read that over and over and over, and hear it, I know for a fact that that's the same problem most 50 year olds have at or 40 year olds or 30 year olds, that you're not enough, they don't feel like they're enough. And as I pointed out to my class 100 times, I'm like, What a lousy way to live. Jeez, I told him. I said, I want you to be as mad about it as I am. You know, he takes my class, I'll be damned if they're walking out of here with a negative inner voice and and get a live life feeling like they're not enough. That isn't that's ridiculous. And, yeah, yeah, another thing sort of came up was they talk about, you know, this is saying aspirations and inspiring things. Well, you know that is true in the in the think it be it method, there's quotes that are inspirational, and there's there's affirmations. I guess that's really where I'm looking for is there it's affirmations, but show it's way more than that, because it's, you're taking things that would be considered affirmations, and you're weaving them into a conversation about who you are. So it's, it's, it's not like you're saying the affirmation of of I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. It's taking that a step further and articulating maybe why you can do that as it relates to your life or your belief about yourself. And so I think it's one thing to do affirmations, but it's another to weave them into a narrative about your life, where you're feeding the sustained articulation of your life to yourself each day. So you buy that,
• 24:58
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, I buy. Yeah, and I think, too, it's one. I feel like there's another layer to it too, which is, when you do the clarity work at the beginning, you know, where you're getting very, very clear, you know, from an like, about what it is that you want to achieve, about the you know, whatever your career, you know, your health, your relationships, you're getting a lot of clarity around that part of this. All of this has to do with identity, you know, that's part of the equation. So I don't even think about it that way, because of the way that I've crafted, you know, and I'm, it's, I'm I'm looking at my vision for the future, for now, for what I want to achieve, for the person then that I need to become to achieve those things. And then tying a why to it, and tying again how or how it's currently, you know, connected to who I currently am. And then, you know, who I need to become. And so I'm not even looking at it from an affirmational standpoint, because this really, like, is a blueprint for how I'm going to get from where I'm at, you know, to where I want to go. And so that's interesting that they've said that, because I would not have, that's not how I see it. So that's very interesting that somebody brand new to it would see it that way.
• 26:17
  John Mitchell: Well, you know, I think, I think you said something brilliant about, you know, you're, you're crafting your identity. And you know, if someone said, Well, yeah, it's, it's, your method is, is affirmations? I'm like, Oh, it's so much more than that. I mean, you know, to your point, it's really crafting your identity. And yes, there's affirmations in your identity, but, but you're creating your identity, and you're living into that identity, and you're feeding that identity to your subconscious mind, and that makes the right actions and thoughts happen automatically, without thinking. And so that's really the what it is at taking what would be an affirmation and taking it 12 levels deeper, I think,
• 27:06
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, I think so. And I think I don't know affirmation, I would say aspiration. Like, I don't know that's interesting. I'm glad that you brought that up. I'm going to think about that a little bit more deeply. But yeah, I think that this all has everything to do with identity and kind of being the architect of your life. And so it's kind of, again, utilizing some of those key phrases, but then tying it to your why and to the steps and action items that you're going to take to because so it, it's like, I don't know if you're going to say use affirmations, but on like, steroids, like you were saying,
• 27:42
  John Mitchell: Right, right. Yeah, I know it's, you know, it's so fascinating. And I think the other thing I learned that I didn't really see before is, you know, I had a friend of mine, Jason Dorsey, who's brilliant. He's, he's, like, Jason's probably 42 or 43 he's, he's one of the top experts in the world on generations, and just a great guy. And he lives here in Austin. He speaks to my class, and he talks about not, not feeling enough. Well, a number of students came up and and talked to him about it. And then he and I go to have lunch and and I see he tells me that, and I'm like, Well, I I hadn't thought about that. I didn't, you know, because I don't operate that way. And then I started digging into it with my students, and all of them feel that way. You know, when I started testing them on it, then, you know, they'll tell you what's in their heads. And it was so fascinating. And yeah, I was telling them, well, of course, you feel like you're not enough because you're wired for survival, and they be fear based and reactive and and so it's natural to feel like you're not enough. That's how your wire that's what keeps you alive, or that kept you alive, you know, 50,000 years ago. But you know that's also the problem. You know, if you're wired for survival, you know being fear based for reactive is the opposite of how you need to be if you want to be productive, created and happy, and yeah, fundamentally, you've got to override that, that program.
• 29:26
  Kelly Hatfield: And what's interesting, John, is when I learned this too, and learned that really, you know this, some of the things too about the brain that, like that voice, is designed to stop you, because that's how you're wired. You're wired for fear, and because your brain resists change, because it wants you to be safe, because anything that is different feels like a threat. So it's going to throw up these flags, you know, and that inner voice that's negative is one of those flags that it throws up is, I almost gave my brain its own. Uh, identity, where to it was like, Oh, I see what you're doing. You know, like this, um, you know what I mean, like, what if I would have, like, a negative thought, or I would do have some resistance to moving forward with something, or, god, do I want to take this big leap to the next, whatever the next thing is, and that voice is, like, starting to create doubt in my mind, or anything along those lines, I will actually be like, I see exactly what you're up to, and I'm not falling for it, you know what I mean, like, so when you Yes, where you can, like, get to the point where you're when I'm recognizing a thought like that, that's that is creating fear, resistance to, you know, or a voice that negatively, like comes into my head, just pops in, or whatever, then I'm recognizing it. And I know, because I understand the brain now, I recognize it, that that's what it's trying to do. It's just wants to be comfy and cozy, right? And it's that means that that's a stumbling block to success, right?
• 30:59
  So, yeah, yeah,
• 31:02
  John Mitchell: I think that's very true. You know, I think back on my life and I see and this true of all of us. You got to think your way to success, you know, because the journey of life is unique to each one of us. And, you know, we're all different, and we have our strengths and weaknesses, but at the end of the day, you have to figure out your life. It's on you. Nobody else is going to be able to come in and and take you in the direction you need to go. You need to figure it out. And I also think that's the beauty of this methodology, is because it not only helps you figure it out, it it also then helps you take the right actions to to move your life forward. And so, you know, to me, that's the beauty of it. And, and, you know, one of my students, and maybe this is the coolest thing I've ever seen, and this is on the final exam. She says, you know, this taught me to love myself, like, Oh, I love that. Right, right? Of course, she's getting an A
• 32:07
  Kelly Hatfield: Smart, smart girl
• 32:11
  John Mitchell: Suck up to the to the teeth, but, yeah, I showed it to ginger. And I'm like, you know, wow, that's, that's so touchy.
• 32:20
  Kelly Hatfield: And, oh, I love that.
• 32:23
  John Mitchell: And we're having a big party for the whole class. I don't know if other classes do this, but by God, the Mitchells were putting out a big party in two days.
• 32:33
  Kelly Hatfield: Yay. That's so fun. Awesome.
• 32:37
  John Mitchell: Okay, well, and until next time, maybe the takeaway from this is think about your life, and if you haven't taken the DISC profile, take it and make your spouse take it. And I'm telling you, it is a whole new level of understanding the life around you. So until next time, we'll see you.