Latest / She's Not Done Yet / SNDY - Ep. 31 "Boyfriend By Christmas"

Transcript

SNDY - Ep. 31 "Boyfriend By Christmas" · She's Not Done Yet

0:00
SPEAKER_00: I'm 61.
0:02
SPEAKER_00: I've never been married.
0:04
SPEAKER_00: And I'm giving myself until Christmas to get a boyfriend.
0:08
SPEAKER_00: And you, you're going to watch, you're going to vote, and you're going to hold me to it.
0:15
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Boyfriend by Christmas.
0:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm having my own Hallmark show.
0:22
SPEAKER_00: Don't you know the regular Hallmark is always, oh, she's back in her hometown.
0:26
SPEAKER_00: She's doing whatever.
0:27
SPEAKER_00: And she runs into her ex and they try to rekindle love or whatever it is.
0:32
SPEAKER_00: It's not that, but I'm having my own Hallmark moment.
0:36
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
0:37
SPEAKER_00: So stay tuned.
0:38
SPEAKER_00: This is gonna be a good one.
0:57
SPEAKER_00: Hey, hey, hey.
0:58
SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to She's Not Done Yet.
1:00
SPEAKER_00: And I'm your host, Teresa.
1:02
SPEAKER_00: This is the podcast for women over 40, over-pretending, and stepping into your purpose, your power, and your promise.
1:09
SPEAKER_00: You're in the right room.
1:10
SPEAKER_00: And this season, the room has a dating app open.
1:14
SPEAKER_00: First, let me address the elephant in the studio.
1:17
SPEAKER_00: I've been gone probably over a month.
1:20
SPEAKER_00: And y'all, life has been lifing.
1:23
SPEAKER_00: My mom needed me, my boss needed me, my clients needed me, work, church, everybody needed me.
1:30
SPEAKER_00: And every night I had a choice between hitting record in my home studio or going to sleep.
1:38
SPEAKER_00: And I chose sleep every time, undefeated.
1:42
SPEAKER_00: And there was some heaviness in there too, some depression, not a crisis, but real heaviness.
1:48
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not gonna pretend that, you know, I was just busy because some of you are carrying that same kind of heavy weight right now, especially in this time of year and this season.
1:58
SPEAKER_00: And you need to hear somebody say it.
2:01
SPEAKER_00: And you need to talk to somebody, talk to a therapist.
2:04
SPEAKER_00: I remember being younger, and I had a friend who, whenever we were overwhelmed with life, he'd always say, I feel like taking a nap in the middle of the day.
2:12
SPEAKER_00: And I knew already what time it was.
2:15
SPEAKER_00: Have you felt like you needed a nap in the middle of the day lately?
2:19
SPEAKER_00: Face whatever it is and talk to somebody.
2:22
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, while I was gone, something shifted.
2:26
SPEAKER_00: And it's the reason why we're even here this season, or why this season of She's Not Done Yet exists.
2:33
SPEAKER_00: So I've been caring for my mom who's 85 years old.
2:36
SPEAKER_00: She's not doing as well as I would want her to be doing.
2:39
SPEAKER_00: Most of it is from her disobedience, from not following my directives and requirements for her to eat right and live to see it happen.
2:48
SPEAKER_00: She stays trying to go see Jesus.
2:50
SPEAKER_00: But it's just so this season with dealing with my mom and just having an aging parent, it can be so difficult.
2:58
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know who else is going through caring for your parent, but it's a journey and a quick plug for Joya Moore.
3:05
SPEAKER_00: That's my baby's mother.
3:07
SPEAKER_00: But she's done an amazing work with caring for elderly loved ones.
3:11
SPEAKER_00: She has a guide, a questionnaire, and so much information for those navigating this space.
3:17
SPEAKER_00: And if you've had questions, she has the answers.
3:20
SPEAKER_00: She's helped me and my siblings tremendously.
3:23
SPEAKER_00: So get at her on her social media.
3:25
SPEAKER_00: It's at underscore joya Lowry, J-O-Y-A-L-O-W-E-R-Y.
3:31
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, she's amazing.
3:33
SPEAKER_00: But um, I spent some time back at home in Michigan and not doing a lot, actually, just taking my mom to some doctor's visits, you know, fixing food, being in the house, but mostly I just went home to sit with her.
3:47
SPEAKER_00: And while I was caring for her this past month and watching me and my siblings like rally around her trying to determine what it is that we need to do to best care for her, a question hit me that I had never really thought about or said out loud.
4:07
SPEAKER_00: I'm 61, single, never been married, no kids, and the question that hit me like a proverbial slap in the face was who is going to sit with me at 85 years old.
4:32
SPEAKER_00: And that question is not fear, it's honesty.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: I love my life, I love my own company.
4:40
SPEAKER_00: I I I'm good by myself, but I don't want to just be good alone.
4:46
SPEAKER_00: I want to be a force with somebody.
4:49
SPEAKER_00: I want a purpose partner.
4:51
SPEAKER_00: I want to get married for a companionship, for someone to make memories with me.
4:57
SPEAKER_00: I want to grow old with somebody.
5:00
SPEAKER_00: I want somebody to sit with when I'm 85 years old.
5:03
SPEAKER_00: Somebody to go to the grocery store and fuss with me over, whatever we're purchasing.
5:07
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
5:08
SPEAKER_00: Somebody to travel with.
5:09
SPEAKER_00: I just really hadn't put too much thought into once I'm my mom's age, who will I have with me?
5:19
SPEAKER_00: And I realized I've been saying for years that I'm ready.
5:25
SPEAKER_00: Like I want to be with somebody.
5:27
SPEAKER_00: But I've not really been doing anything remotely that looked like I'm ready.
5:33
SPEAKER_00: So I'm done talking about it.
5:35
SPEAKER_00: I'm doing it publicly on this platform.
5:40
SPEAKER_00: And here's my confession.
5:43
SPEAKER_00: And, you know, some people are single and they're like, why is she single?
5:46
SPEAKER_00: There are so many things now on social media where people ask their friends, tell me why am I single, you know?
5:51
SPEAKER_00: And I I don't even know that I'd invite my friends to tell you why they think I'm single.
5:55
SPEAKER_00: I'm probably afraid of what those answers might be.
5:58
SPEAKER_00: But I will confess this I have trust issues.
6:01
SPEAKER_00: So I've built walls like Fort Knox, and I've managed how close men could get to me.
6:10
SPEAKER_00: And I've had, you know, the infamous list in my phone of my husband's must-haves.
6:15
SPEAKER_00: I know y'all have it.
6:17
SPEAKER_00: Some non-negotiable deal breakers.
6:19
SPEAKER_00: And y'all, I pulled it up on my phone the other day, and it's 40 items on that list.
6:25
SPEAKER_00: 40.
6:26
SPEAKER_00: 40 items.
6:28
SPEAKER_00: I looked at the list and was like, SMH.
6:30
SPEAKER_00: Like, this is crazy.
6:32
SPEAKER_00: But I used to shut men down before they got anywhere near my heart because I was like, mm-hmm, they don't check that.
6:38
SPEAKER_00: Oh, he definitely, oh no, he don't have that.
6:40
SPEAKER_00: No.
6:41
SPEAKER_00: And shut it down.
6:42
SPEAKER_00: No.
6:42
SPEAKER_00: And I've met some amazing men who checked a lot of those boxes.
6:48
SPEAKER_00: And it's not been anything crazy, but I just, I don't know.
6:54
SPEAKER_00: I've just not met that one.
6:55
SPEAKER_00: You know, you have that one.
6:57
SPEAKER_00: I'm looking for, um, and I I I guess I don't even know what I'm looking for regarding like a feeling of what it should feel like.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: You know, I've been close to it where I've entertained it, but there are some non-negotiables.
7:12
SPEAKER_00: Like, one, you gotta be saved.
7:14
SPEAKER_00: Duh, don't be off.
7:17
SPEAKER_00: Actually, the last person that checked a lot of those boxes, we were on the phone for a long time.
7:25
SPEAKER_00: And at the end of the call, he asked if he could pray with me.
7:29
SPEAKER_00: And it felt so right that I wouldn't let him.
7:34
SPEAKER_00: And just a side note: if you're a guy watching this episode and you want to pull a church girl, ask her to pray with you.
7:41
SPEAKER_00: Lights out, hands down, it's the pickup line of lines for a church girl's life.
7:46
SPEAKER_00: Trust me.
7:47
SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you about a time.
7:49
SPEAKER_00: This is crazy.
7:50
SPEAKER_00: Okay, the first time that happened to me when somebody pulled that line on me, he really didn't even know that he was playing me.
7:56
SPEAKER_00: He was just, you know, saying something actually out of the sincerity of his heart, I lived in California and I was dating Joe the Mexican.
8:03
SPEAKER_00: And I don't mean that derogatory, um, but I affectionately called him that.
8:08
SPEAKER_00: And he knew he was Joe the Mexican to me.
8:10
SPEAKER_00: But when I lived in LA, I went to church in the valley.
8:13
SPEAKER_00: God bless you, Bishop Stephen Hamilton was my pastor.
8:18
SPEAKER_00: Um, I used to be our singles director.
8:21
SPEAKER_00: And so one Sunday after church was over, I actually made an amazing dinner for my girlfriend Meg's, and her boss called her into work, and so she was unable to eat with me.
8:32
SPEAKER_00: But I cooked like my famous meal where I saw a labor of love.
8:36
SPEAKER_00: And I made shrimp and chicken, fettuccine with homemade alfredo sauce, and it was like all the things.
8:43
SPEAKER_00: And after she wasn't available after church, um, we were sitting around and Joe was there, and he wasn't churched, he was very much so unchurched, like tatted up, and he had been in gangs, and but he had a love and a passion for the Lord.
8:56
SPEAKER_00: And so I um after church, I was like, hey Joe, did you want to eat dinner?
9:00
SPEAKER_00: Like I made an amazing dinner and I didn't want it to go to waste.
9:04
SPEAKER_00: And he was like, sure, I've never been out of the valley.
9:07
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, when you say you've never been out of the valley, you mean what?
9:11
SPEAKER_00: He had never been like over the hill, back down 405 into LA.
9:17
SPEAKER_00: So I was like, okay, you're going home with me today, and we're going to have dinner.
9:22
SPEAKER_00: So anyway, we go home and we have dinner.
9:25
SPEAKER_00: So we sit down, I prepared everything, and before we got ready to eat, I was like, oh, let me bless the food.
9:31
SPEAKER_00: Grabbed his hand.
9:32
SPEAKER_00: I was like, Lord, we thank you for the food we're about to receive.
9:33
SPEAKER_00: Let it be used for nourishment, strengthening our body, take all the impurities out, bless the hands that prepared it, bless those that less fortunate in Jesus' name.
9:39
SPEAKER_00: Amen.
9:39
SPEAKER_00: Like the typical bless your meal, nothing crazy, right?
9:45
SPEAKER_00: At the end of the meal, we were sitting there just talking, just I don't even know.
9:49
SPEAKER_00: We were talking about hamming it up.
9:50
SPEAKER_00: And he was like, Can I ask you a question?
9:52
SPEAKER_00: And he used to call me sugar beer.
9:56
SPEAKER_00: That is funny to my soul.
9:58
SPEAKER_00: So, not then, he couldn't have called me that then because we weren't dating yet, and we did date for like a solid six months.
10:04
SPEAKER_00: But um, he was like, Can I ask you a question?
10:07
SPEAKER_00: I was like, sure.
10:08
SPEAKER_00: And he said, Will you teach me how to pray?
10:13
SPEAKER_00: I was like, Oh my god, it's my husband.
10:17
SPEAKER_00: Like a dummy.
10:18
SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh my God, I would love it.
10:20
SPEAKER_00: No man had ever asked me to date at that time to pray with him, like to teach him how to pray.
10:27
SPEAKER_00: Man, that tore my heart up so bad.
10:30
SPEAKER_00: And so, yeah, we dated for six months until one day I was standing at the altar hand in hand up there for prayer.
10:37
SPEAKER_00: And my pastor called me in office, was like, shut it down.
10:41
SPEAKER_00: What is happening?
10:42
SPEAKER_00: Like, this is not working.
10:44
SPEAKER_00: So, anyway, I came back to myself.
10:46
SPEAKER_00: And um, and I don't I don't need to look up Joe and see where he is.
10:50
SPEAKER_00: If you're out there, Joe, I love you so much.
10:52
SPEAKER_00: Miss you.
10:53
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for um having me pray with you.
10:56
SPEAKER_00: It was it was life-changing for me.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: Touched my life, touched my heart.
10:59
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, back to today.
11:01
SPEAKER_00: The guy that I spent hours with on the phone at the end of the call, he was just like, I want to speak a word of prayer over us.
11:10
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, hold up, wait a minute.
11:13
SPEAKER_00: I didn't even let him pray.
11:14
SPEAKER_00: I was like, and the crazy part, it felt good.
11:19
SPEAKER_00: And I just didn't, I wasn't ready to accept it because like what woman doesn't want a man praying over her?
11:26
SPEAKER_00: It's the feeling of protection and covering and you know, the priest of your home and all that.
11:31
SPEAKER_00: It was just, and I I was just getting to know him.
11:33
SPEAKER_00: It may have been like one conversation in, two conversations in, but I shut it down.
11:40
SPEAKER_00: And plot twist, he was married, y'all.
11:45
SPEAKER_00: But where the drums at when I need it, and yeah, on paper, that's what he said.
11:51
SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm married on paper, but married on paper is married completely.
11:58
SPEAKER_00: You know how the Bible says obey the laws of the land?
12:02
SPEAKER_00: Dude, what?
12:04
SPEAKER_00: And I'll tell you that whole story in later this season.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: That that's gonna take up too much of my show, and I don't want to go to my angry place.
12:10
SPEAKER_00: I want to stay in my happy place.
12:12
SPEAKER_00: So, yes, anyway, I dodged a bullet, but I dodged it with a wall and not with wisdom.
12:20
SPEAKER_00: And if I do this season of dating privately, I already know what happens.
12:25
SPEAKER_00: The walls go back up, and I'll tell you at Christmas, nobody was worth it.
12:30
SPEAKER_00: Like I tried, I, and I'll be able to shut somebody down just on general principle.
12:36
SPEAKER_00: So I need witnesses, and that's where you come in.
12:39
SPEAKER_00: So here's how this works.
12:41
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna have a minimum of six dates between now and Christmas.
12:45
SPEAKER_00: It's the end of October.
12:47
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna do it.
12:49
SPEAKER_00: Um, the men will stay anonymous, no names, no faces.
12:53
SPEAKER_00: You'll get nicknames.
12:54
SPEAKER_00: You'll meet Mr.
12:56
SPEAKER_00: Tuesday or whatever day of the week we go out or whatever it is.
12:59
SPEAKER_00: You'll meet him soon enough.
13:01
SPEAKER_00: But he'll know before the date that I'm gonna talk about him on my podcast.
13:06
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I guess on the first or second intake call, he'll hear about the show.
13:11
SPEAKER_00: And yes, I said intake calls, my 20 years of HR.
13:14
SPEAKER_00: That's in me.
13:15
SPEAKER_00: I can't help it.
13:16
SPEAKER_00: But we'll have, you know, a conversation, and then we'll discuss on the show, like what happened, where we went, and I'll openly date on this show.
13:29
SPEAKER_00: I'll have my five non-negotiables, and I have a top five, at least on my list of 40, like his relationship with God and how he serves, how he handles conflict, money, integrity, all the things, but it'll be my top five because I promise I'm not going to um just settle to beat a deadline.
13:50
SPEAKER_00: So I do have non-negotiables, and I will stick to those.
13:55
SPEAKER_00: I think for the engagement or interaction with my audience, I'll have you pick how I meet guys, like dating apps.
14:03
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not a fan of dating apps, and they have so many now.
14:07
SPEAKER_00: There are there are dating apps for mature people, they're dating apps for African Americans, they're dating apps for older Christians, they're dating apps for the silver.
14:17
SPEAKER_00: I need the silver foxes.
14:18
SPEAKER_00: I don't even know if there's a dating app for the silver foxes.
14:22
SPEAKER_00: But y'all, and if y'all want to come visit a church, can y'all come to Spirit and Truth?
14:26
SPEAKER_00: Like, I saw you going for New Birth.
14:28
SPEAKER_00: Y'all know I'm gonna go there.
14:29
SPEAKER_00: Like, and I love New Birth.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: But can y'all visit some other churches in the Atlanta area?
14:34
SPEAKER_00: That would be nice.
14:36
SPEAKER_00: But I just, I don't know that I would want to do a dating app.
14:40
SPEAKER_00: Like, and I'll let you guys vote on how I meet somebody, but I um, and I did a dating app before.
14:45
SPEAKER_00: There was, God, I can't remember the name of it.
14:48
SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to think, but let me tell you the craziest story about a dating app.
14:52
SPEAKER_00: So I signed up for a dating app, filled all the things, put my pictures up, I used my name and all that.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: And so I was swiping through all these people and getting messages immediately.
15:02
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't even think I finished my profile before someone was somebody was trying to meet me, and they were like, oh, you know, my queen, whatever.
15:10
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, this is gonna get real old real fast.
15:13
SPEAKER_00: And it just didn't do anything for me.
15:15
SPEAKER_00: But I met this guy.
15:17
SPEAKER_00: I saw I saw swiped on this guy, gorgeous chocolate man.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: I was like, okay, okay.
15:22
SPEAKER_00: But he looked familiar to me.
15:23
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, God, this dude looks familiar.
15:26
SPEAKER_00: And I he did use his real name too.
15:28
SPEAKER_00: And so I was like, I think I know him.
15:31
SPEAKER_00: So I don't know if I swiped on him or he swiped on me.
15:33
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, we ended up having a conversation on the app.
15:36
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Did you live in Detroit?
15:38
SPEAKER_00: Like, did you go to Unity Temple or maybe the Temple, Beth Clinton Street, Greater Belfad Temple?
15:43
SPEAKER_00: And anyway, we knew each other.
15:45
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, look at you, you grew up.
15:47
SPEAKER_00: All right, you so crazy.
15:49
SPEAKER_00: So anyway, we talked and we actually went out.
15:54
SPEAKER_00: We went out, and um, y'all, this is an very embarrassing story.
15:59
SPEAKER_00: And he was younger than me, he's my little sister's age, and I like younger guys, so that wasn't a deal for me.
16:06
SPEAKER_00: But we went to Cafe Intermezzo here in Atlanta, out late and just had coffee just so we can talk.
16:13
SPEAKER_00: And so I was dressed up, I was cute, like whatever, had my little heels on.
16:17
SPEAKER_00: And we were sitting in this cafe, and I'm drinking coffee in the middle of my throes of menopause.
16:25
SPEAKER_00: And so I'm sitting there drinking coffee, and I could feel a hot flash coming on.
16:31
SPEAKER_00: And so I was always of the mindset that you know there's mind over matter, and I was like, you, I will command my body to obey me.
16:38
SPEAKER_00: You will not have a hot flash.
16:40
SPEAKER_00: And my body was like, and three, two, one.
16:46
SPEAKER_00: I literally started melting before his very eyes.
16:50
SPEAKER_00: And y'all, when I have a hot flash, like it's it was bad.
16:55
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know that um I can't remember exactly what happened, but I think I excused myself to go to the restroom.
17:04
SPEAKER_00: And I and I should have gotten up two minutes earlier and I thought about it.
17:07
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go to the restroom.
17:08
SPEAKER_00: And it takes like five minutes to go through a whole hot flash series.
17:11
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, if I go to the restroom for five minutes, he's gonna be like, what's wrong with this babe?
17:15
SPEAKER_00: So I tried to sit there through it, and finally I was just like, I had napkins, I was wiping my face, glasses steaming up, and I was like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
17:24
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm I'm I'm flashing.
17:26
SPEAKER_00: I have to go, you know, cool myself down.
17:28
SPEAKER_00: And this dude said to me, it's okay, my mom has them too.
17:36
unknown: What?
17:37
SPEAKER_00: Your mom is all flashes like me.
17:40
SPEAKER_00: Off.
17:41
SPEAKER_00: I was like, and Ian scene, do not pass gold, do not collect$200.
17:47
SPEAKER_00: It was over.
17:48
SPEAKER_00: But this and he was cool.
17:49
SPEAKER_00: Uh and it wasn't even the hot flash.
17:52
SPEAKER_00: I think we, I can't remember why we stopped talking, but it could have been our political views were totally different.
17:58
SPEAKER_00: And it's not that I didn't agree with his political views, but it was just his mindset regarding how he approached his rationale with it.
18:11
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Off.
18:15
SPEAKER_00: And if you're watching, you're not off, but you know, it's just yeah.
18:21
SPEAKER_00: Different.
18:22
SPEAKER_00: Can I say different?
18:23
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, it wasn't a match, and and he's cool, still like we're friends.
18:27
SPEAKER_00: I guess if we ever talked again, we would be cool.
18:30
SPEAKER_00: Like if I saw him again, it'd be like, hey, what's up?
18:32
SPEAKER_00: Hey, all right, bless.
18:34
SPEAKER_00: So anyway, but I'm still going outside.
18:37
SPEAKER_00: My preference is not to be on an app, but if you guys vote and say, hey, the best way to find someone is on an app, then maybe I'll do it.
18:45
SPEAKER_00: But my preference is a referral.
18:47
SPEAKER_00: Like, I need somebody to know somebody.
18:50
SPEAKER_00: Like, if you know somebody, it's like, hey, Teresa, I think, you know, you guys, you want to meet my friend.
18:54
SPEAKER_00: You guys will be cool.
18:55
SPEAKER_00: I need somebody that knows your mama.
18:58
SPEAKER_00: Like my grandmother, I think used to say, like, um, who they belong to?
19:02
SPEAKER_00: Somebody come to the house, like, who you belong to.
19:04
SPEAKER_00: And we had to know your family.
19:06
SPEAKER_00: We had to know somebody that knew you.
19:09
SPEAKER_00: And so I that's my preference just to know somebody so I can tap into what bloodline is he from, you know.
19:17
SPEAKER_00: And I would love somebody with a good name.
19:19
SPEAKER_00: I can't say, I'm not saying you can't have a bad reputation.
19:23
SPEAKER_00: I I wouldn't know that.
19:25
SPEAKER_00: That would be appealing.
19:26
SPEAKER_00: But I need somebody that can be like, oh, yeah, no, they're not crazy.
19:29
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, no, that's so, man, he's not crazy.
19:31
SPEAKER_00: He's not off.
19:32
SPEAKER_00: I I need somebody to be able to tell me something about you.
19:36
SPEAKER_00: So there's that.
19:38
SPEAKER_00: Um, or just maybe meeting someone organically.
19:41
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm willing to go outside.
19:44
SPEAKER_00: If y'all can tell me where the eligible single men are, I'm going outside.
19:50
SPEAKER_00: Tell me where they are and I'll go.
19:51
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
19:52
SPEAKER_00: So that's what we'll do.
19:54
SPEAKER_00: We'll I'll let you determine in the comments.
19:57
SPEAKER_00: Tell me whoever says the most, I guess that's how we'll determine.
20:01
SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'll do a um polling app on Instagram.
20:05
SPEAKER_00: And I'll also let you pick what I wear.
20:08
SPEAKER_00: And I'll I'll put up options before every day, you know, depending on, I guess, where we're going, you vote on what I wear.
20:15
SPEAKER_00: And then the finale will tell the truth.
20:18
SPEAKER_00: Boyfriend by Christmas or not.
20:21
SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to be honest, I'm going to let you all really be part of this.
20:25
SPEAKER_00: So, are y'all ready to roll with me?
20:27
SPEAKER_00: Are you ready?
20:28
SPEAKER_00: Like, y'all have somebody, hey, do y'all know eligible bachelor?
20:32
SPEAKER_00: Somebody that's available, safe, single, not crazy, not married on paper.
20:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
20:38
SPEAKER_00: And I'll tell you this: my first date has pretty much been solidified, I think.
20:43
SPEAKER_00: So my sister has a friend who has a friend.
20:47
SPEAKER_00: And we're supposed to go out this week.
20:49
SPEAKER_00: So we connected over the phone and we talked, I think we talked on the phone once, like maybe a while ago.
20:57
SPEAKER_00: And then when I was telling my sister about this episode that I was gonna do this season of Boyfriend Till Christmas, she was like, Oh, you gotta go out with my friend's friend.
21:04
SPEAKER_00: And so I reached out to him.
21:05
SPEAKER_00: I was like, hey, like, you wanna go out?
21:08
SPEAKER_00: And he said yes.
21:10
SPEAKER_00: And I think that I can't remember how the conversation ended, but I was like, oh, I'll reach back out to you.
21:14
SPEAKER_00: And I was in Michigan at the time last month, and I was like, I'll reach out to you.
21:17
SPEAKER_00: And I think I reached out to him as soon as I got back, and I've not heard back from him.
21:23
SPEAKER_00: Don't ghost me before we go out, okay?
21:27
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, I'm walking through this and prayerfully he's gonna go out with me and be my first date.
21:33
SPEAKER_00: If not, you guys let me know what we're gonna do and we'll make it happen, right?
21:37
SPEAKER_00: But let's put some scripture just because I'm literally, I'm not kidding, guys, and I'm prayerful about this whole journey.
21:45
SPEAKER_00: And I I reference the Lord.
21:47
SPEAKER_00: Now, one thing I do not believe is that marriages are made in heaven.
21:52
SPEAKER_00: Like marriages are made on earth.
21:54
SPEAKER_00: I don't believe there's one person for every one person, and if that is true.
22:01
SPEAKER_00: My one person must be married already.
22:03
SPEAKER_00: Because I would have never thought I'd be single at 61.
22:06
SPEAKER_00: I remember being maybe in my teens, late teens, and there were girls that went to my church that were like in their late 20s.
22:12
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Lord, please bless them with a husband so they won't be an old maid.
22:16
SPEAKER_00: What?
22:19
SPEAKER_00: I couldn't fathom anybody at 61 and single, never been married.
22:26
SPEAKER_00: That's that's alarming to say the least.
22:29
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, I I do believe that God will give you some discernment regarding who you should be with.
22:39
SPEAKER_00: And and God knows in from the beginning.
22:41
SPEAKER_00: God knows whether or not they're gonna beat me or attempt to, or I'm gonna be incarcerated because somebody tried.
22:51
SPEAKER_00: God knows whether or not I'm going to make him miserable.
22:55
SPEAKER_00: The Bible says this better be on a rooftop than in the house with a brawling woman.
22:58
SPEAKER_00: I'm not trying to be that person for anybody.
23:00
SPEAKER_00: But God knows the end from the beginning.
23:03
SPEAKER_00: And I always pray, and maybe God has honored my prayer.
23:07
SPEAKER_00: But every guy that I've dated that I've been serious with, I'll ask the Lord, like, God, now you know I'm putting this before you.
23:14
SPEAKER_00: So if you know we're not going to make it, then let this cup pass for me.
23:20
SPEAKER_00: And apparently he's let all the cups pass because I'm not married yet.
23:26
SPEAKER_00: But I do believe that there is somebody that you could be compatible with to have an amazing, beautiful, happy marriage.
23:38
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not saying it's all kicks and giggles, and certainly there will be some hardships, and you know, you'll go through.
23:43
SPEAKER_00: I've met couples that say, you know, you don't have to go through hardships, you know.
23:47
SPEAKER_00: It can all be amazing.
23:49
SPEAKER_00: But I believe that, you know, as an adult, you won't agree with somebody on everything all the time.
23:54
SPEAKER_00: But I always refer back to um uh Pastor Moore wrote a book, Boaz is dead.
24:00
SPEAKER_00: You know, everybody's like, I'm looking for my boaz, I'm looking for my boaz.
24:03
SPEAKER_00: Boaz is dead.
24:04
SPEAKER_00: I'm not looking for my boaz, I'm looking for my uh Abraham, not that's a biblical name.
24:10
SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'm listening, I'm looking for Frederick or whoever.
24:15
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
24:16
SPEAKER_00: But I know I'm going outside.
24:18
SPEAKER_00: And according to the scripture, like Ruth, Ruth chapter two, the Bible says, and this is a part of scripture, nobody really references, but it says Ruth didn't sit at home waiting for Boaz to knock on her door.
24:32
SPEAKER_00: She was out in the field.
24:33
SPEAKER_00: And y'all know I like King James Version, but in the Bible, the verbiage says her hap was to light on a part of the field belonging unto Boaz.
24:46
SPEAKER_00: Her hap, H A P, her happening, her happenstance, her just so happened to be.
24:54
SPEAKER_00: But it only happened because she went outside.
24:58
SPEAKER_00: She went to the field, she was working, and I want that to be said of me.
25:03
SPEAKER_00: Her hap was on the part that I was outside working, doing what I needed to do.
25:10
SPEAKER_00: And God can write my love story, but I have to go out into the field.
25:16
SPEAKER_00: And this is me going out to the field.
25:19
SPEAKER_00: And I only have one affirmation for us today.
25:22
SPEAKER_00: Normally we do three affirmations, but it's one that I'm going to carry throughout this whole season.
25:27
SPEAKER_00: And it simply says, you can say it with me for all my single ladies over 40, 50, and maybe over 60.
25:33
SPEAKER_00: But say it with me.
25:35
SPEAKER_00: I'm not waiting to be found.
25:39
SPEAKER_00: I'm going where love can find me.
25:43
unknown: Amen.
25:45
SPEAKER_00: Drop the mic.
25:46
SPEAKER_00: I am going where love can find me.
25:48
SPEAKER_00: So here's your first vote.
25:50
SPEAKER_00: And it'll decide how I meet eligible singles.
25:53
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to, I'll probably put something on Instagram poll, and I'll either do apps.
26:00
SPEAKER_00: That'll be A.
26:01
SPEAKER_00: A, I'll set up a profile.
26:03
SPEAKER_00: You can help me pick the best app.
26:05
SPEAKER_00: I don't even know what is the best app out there, but that'll be A.
26:08
SPEAKER_00: B will be referral.
26:10
SPEAKER_00: Someone who knows me sets me up.
26:12
SPEAKER_00: My girlfriends are already on board and doing their research, and they already know.
26:17
SPEAKER_00: Don't be off.
26:19
SPEAKER_00: And C will be organically.
26:22
SPEAKER_00: And that's you all tell me where to go.
26:24
SPEAKER_00: Like, where can I go find grown, godly, available men?
26:29
SPEAKER_00: And I'll go there.
26:31
SPEAKER_00: Golf lessons, and I have a whole um set of golf clubs, and I never go.
26:37
SPEAKER_00: I live across the street from a golf course and I don't go out.
26:40
SPEAKER_00: But if I need to go to a golf club, I'll do that.
26:42
SPEAKER_00: Jazz brunch, um, volunteer table at manpower.
26:45
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
26:46
SPEAKER_00: They still have manpower.
26:47
SPEAKER_00: Go to a men's conference.
26:48
SPEAKER_00: I don't know, but you name it, and I will show up.
26:51
SPEAKER_00: Amen.
26:52
SPEAKER_00: So go vote in my Instagram story.
26:54
SPEAKER_00: I'll put something there.
26:55
SPEAKER_00: Or comment on YouTube.
26:56
SPEAKER_00: You can put a comment on YouTube, TikTok, whatever wins, I will do it for my next date.
27:02
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
27:03
SPEAKER_00: Now, if C wins for me just to go outside and find somebody organically or be found by love, then I need you to suggest where I go.
27:12
SPEAKER_00: Like decide where I need to go.
27:14
SPEAKER_00: I did the Home Depot run, and I must unequivocally say I did not find my husband at Home Depot.
27:20
SPEAKER_00: I did find some people that wanted to help me hang drywall or do some work, but it was contractors looking for work.
27:28
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, I want you to vote.
27:30
SPEAKER_00: And then number two, I want you to vote on what I'm wearing when I go on this date.
27:35
SPEAKER_00: I'll post outfit options on my socials this upcoming week.
27:39
SPEAKER_00: And you can pick the look.
27:41
SPEAKER_00: I'll wear it on the first date.
27:43
SPEAKER_00: And there'll be links in my bio and on my TikTok shop.
27:46
SPEAKER_00: And yes, those are affiliate links.
27:48
SPEAKER_00: Amen.
27:49
SPEAKER_00: Okay, but before we go, regarding my list, I want to do, I want to do episode like pop the balloon, but maybe I'll just do it for my list, like keep it or pop it.
28:01
SPEAKER_00: And let me do this.
28:02
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna pull up my I'm gonna pull up my list.
28:07
SPEAKER_00: My God is entitled My Husband's Must Haves.
28:12
SPEAKER_00: And mind you, I wrote this list um probably 20 years ago.
28:21
SPEAKER_00: Like literally 20 years ago.
28:24
SPEAKER_00: And it's grown so it, I didn't sit down and write 40 items, but I probably had 10.
28:30
SPEAKER_00: And I remember one time my first lady was like, be specific.
28:33
SPEAKER_00: Tell the Lord what you want, ask him for what you want.
28:35
SPEAKER_00: And so I started writing down those things.
28:37
SPEAKER_00: But um, I'm not gonna read all 40 to you because we'll be here till Christmas, but I am going to read you some, and for everyone, I'm gonna decide whether I keep it or pop it.
28:50
SPEAKER_00: Number one, saved.
28:52
SPEAKER_00: Now keeping it obviously, don't be off, be saved.
28:56
SPEAKER_00: You know, everybody out here saved now, but literally you have to be saved.
29:01
SPEAKER_00: Number two, six foot four.
29:06
SPEAKER_00: Now, that's a preference.
29:08
SPEAKER_00: It's not a covenant, it's not a must-have, but I always wanted to be with somebody that was taller than me.
29:15
SPEAKER_00: And no matter how big I got, they could always look down on me and be like, hey, a little bit.
29:19
SPEAKER_00: Come waddle over to them.
29:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm one off.
29:23
SPEAKER_00: That is hilarious to my soul, though.
29:25
SPEAKER_00: But I you don't have to be 6'4.
29:27
SPEAKER_00: I'll take six foot.
29:28
SPEAKER_00: I'll take 5'11.
29:29
SPEAKER_00: You stand up straight.
29:30
SPEAKER_00: You could even be 5'8 with some lifts.
29:32
SPEAKER_00: Yo, shoe.
29:33
SPEAKER_00: No, that's off.
29:34
SPEAKER_00: Don't do that.
29:35
SPEAKER_00: Um, so we'll we'll take that off.
29:37
SPEAKER_00: Number three.
29:39
SPEAKER_00: Somebody that is kind, caring, that's not terrible.
29:45
SPEAKER_00: That could stay on the list.
29:46
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be in the you know, deal breaker, but I wouldn't imagine I date somebody that's not kind.
29:51
SPEAKER_00: So there's that.
29:53
SPEAKER_00: Um number four has a good name.
29:57
SPEAKER_00: Like, I can't meet somebody and everybody's like, now you know that dude is like you somebody, nobody's gonna like everybody, but everybody can't be like, he's questionable.
30:10
SPEAKER_00: That can't happen.
30:12
SPEAKER_00: Um number five loves his mother and is family-oriented.
30:18
SPEAKER_00: I look at how men treat their mom.
30:20
SPEAKER_00: I used to date a guy and he was so mean to his mom.
30:23
SPEAKER_00: Like he was disrespectful.
30:25
SPEAKER_00: And I always thought, like, if he's disrespectful, no, he's gonna talk to me crazy.
30:30
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, no.
30:31
SPEAKER_00: And I'll tell you this: this list grew because like sometimes I'll meet somebody, and I'll be like, oh, that's so kind and sweet and loving.
30:39
SPEAKER_00: Definitely put that on my husband's list.
30:41
SPEAKER_00: And that's how I grew.
30:43
SPEAKER_00: And then sometimes bad things will happen, be like, my husband will not do that.
30:47
SPEAKER_00: Put that on list.
30:48
SPEAKER_00: Nah, I that can't happen.
30:50
SPEAKER_00: And so that's kind of how the list grew.
30:52
SPEAKER_00: But um, six, he has a sense of humor.
30:56
SPEAKER_00: You got I have a sense of humor.
30:58
SPEAKER_00: I I like to think that I'm hilarious, but I want to laugh with somebody, like somebody that is hilarious.
31:03
SPEAKER_00: Like, I think that's cool.
31:05
SPEAKER_00: That might say.
31:06
SPEAKER_00: Um, someone who is tenacity, like ambitious, you know.
31:11
SPEAKER_00: I think that's good.
31:12
SPEAKER_00: Uh, a business-minded individual.
31:15
SPEAKER_00: Like, you don't have to, and when I and I always have slash educated, and like you don't have to have a line of degrees, but have some street smarts.
31:24
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know.
31:27
SPEAKER_00: Like, I intelligence turns me on.
31:30
SPEAKER_00: That's very um attractive to me.
31:32
SPEAKER_00: Uh great communicator, slash listener, articulate, be able to talk.
31:37
SPEAKER_00: I will never forget when I moved to Atlanta, Georgia.
31:42
SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to think of where I was.
31:44
SPEAKER_00: I think I was at JJ's.
31:48
SPEAKER_00: You live in Atlanta, you know JJ's, right?
31:51
SPEAKER_00: This guy comes up to me and uh was like, Hey J W name.
31:56
SPEAKER_00: I was like, I'm sorry.
31:58
SPEAKER_00: Excuse me.
32:00
SPEAKER_00: What?
32:01
SPEAKER_00: He was like, Hey Shadi, what your name is?
32:04
SPEAKER_00: I was like, I'm sorry, like I am totally not understanding what you're saying.
32:08
SPEAKER_00: Like, what?
32:10
SPEAKER_00: And he slowed it down enough to where I could hear him say, Hey Shoddy, what your name is.
32:22
SPEAKER_00: I didn't even know how to digest that.
32:25
SPEAKER_00: And then he said, Oh, you not gonna F with me?
32:34
SPEAKER_00: I was like, is he mad at me?
32:36
SPEAKER_00: Like, is this good or bad?
32:39
SPEAKER_00: And so my response was I'm insulted that you think I date someone of your caliber.
32:48
SPEAKER_00: Is what I said to him.
32:51
SPEAKER_00: And he did not even see that as an insult.
32:55
SPEAKER_00: He was like, so what you gonna let me do that?
33:00
SPEAKER_00: You gonna let me that?
33:01
SPEAKER_00: What?
33:02
SPEAKER_00: Sir, back up.
33:04
SPEAKER_00: First of all, you're in my private space, no touchy.
33:07
SPEAKER_00: And I was being able to talk, can y'all be able?
33:10
SPEAKER_00: You can have a southern draw.
33:11
SPEAKER_00: I know I'm in Georgia, we in the south, but be able to talk or or have the sense enough to know, oh, she wants somebody that's articulate.
33:21
SPEAKER_00: Like, no, I can't talk to her.
33:23
SPEAKER_00: Don't he was a bold soldier, but anyway, amen.
33:28
SPEAKER_00: Um, I want someone that's energetic, youthful, dynamic.
33:32
SPEAKER_00: Like, I like younger guys.
33:34
SPEAKER_00: So now that I'm 61, I always thought my husband would be 40 years old and I would be 50.
33:41
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
33:42
SPEAKER_00: I'd date somebody 10 years younger than me.
33:44
SPEAKER_00: I probably, I don't know how, I don't know the youngest I date somebody.
33:49
SPEAKER_00: That's interesting to think about.
33:51
SPEAKER_00: What's too young?
33:52
SPEAKER_00: Like, what is the youngest you date somebody?
33:55
SPEAKER_00: I don't even know what too young is.
33:57
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know.
33:59
SPEAKER_00: I think that so being 61, I don't think I date anybody.
34:06
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
34:06
SPEAKER_00: I I used to, I think I date somebody when I started thinking about marriage.
34:10
SPEAKER_00: Like I when I was in my 20s, I didn't want to get married because all my girlfriends who got married as teenagers, by the time we were 23, 24, half of them were in terrible relationships or they didn't recommend marriage or they weren't happy.
34:23
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh yeah, no, I don't want to get married.
34:25
SPEAKER_00: And then we all married people within our church, so we were like inbred to me.
34:30
SPEAKER_00: I was like, no, I'm I traveled by the time I was 16 years old, my family had been every state in the United States of America.
34:36
SPEAKER_00: And so I was like, y'all, it's people outside of these four walls in our high school, our junior high school.
34:41
SPEAKER_00: So like, yeah, no.
34:42
SPEAKER_00: And um then by the time I was 30, I think I had my heart broken.
34:47
SPEAKER_00: I had my first love, and then I didn't want to get married anymore, and then I dated, and then by the time I turned 40, I was like outside, traveling all over the world, lived in LA.
34:58
SPEAKER_00: I was doing the most and just hadn't thought about selling down.
35:02
SPEAKER_00: Then when I turned 50, I was like, oh, I like to be married.
35:05
SPEAKER_00: I think I could tolerate somebody.
35:07
SPEAKER_00: I could be with somebody.
35:08
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I never, my mom used to always say, when you fall in love, you'll want to be around him all the time.
35:13
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I I don't know that I felt like I could be with somebody all day, every day.
35:20
SPEAKER_00: Like, I just I don't know.
35:24
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, we'll see.
35:25
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, I think that the youngest I date somebody, I think I used to be like 38.
35:30
SPEAKER_00: And now that I'm 61, I'm I say that at 50 years old, I would probably date somebody 12 years younger than me.
35:35
SPEAKER_00: And so now at 61, would I date somebody 49, 48, 49?
35:42
SPEAKER_00: I don't know, be mature.
35:43
SPEAKER_00: I'm at 48, 49, first of all, I trust that you're mature, but there, I don't think there is too young.
35:53
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know that I'm a cougar, but I don't know.
35:58
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
35:58
SPEAKER_00: We'll see.
35:59
SPEAKER_00: So amen.
36:02
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, y'all see what happened.
36:04
SPEAKER_00: I I went through my list.
36:05
SPEAKER_00: That wasn't even all my 40, but half that list can really go away because it's it was more about, you know, what I felt like at that time was good for me.
36:16
SPEAKER_00: But I think most of the items on the list are really about how he'll treat me.
36:21
SPEAKER_00: I don't want a man that will leave me hurt.
36:23
SPEAKER_00: You hurt my feelings, and then you can go and walk away from me and be gone.
36:28
SPEAKER_00: I want somebody to pull me back and don't let me storm off and be mad somewhere.
36:33
SPEAKER_00: Like, come reconcile with me.
36:36
SPEAKER_00: And my list isn't a standard.
36:39
SPEAKER_00: It's it was really, it's a security system.
36:42
SPEAKER_00: But today I'm going to disarm it.
36:45
SPEAKER_00: And I want you now, I'm going to ask you, and I don't know if you guys will do it, but put your list.
36:52
SPEAKER_00: If you have items from your list, put it in the comments.
36:57
SPEAKER_00: And let's use yours on She's Not Done Yet uh Pop the Balloon series.
37:03
SPEAKER_00: And I would love to know like what your must-haves were.
37:08
SPEAKER_00: And then maybe we all compile this together, do our top 10, and then we'll pop the balloon on those that we can let go.
37:16
SPEAKER_00: And I think that it will see a difference.
37:19
SPEAKER_00: Even me now, looking at my list, like from 41 to 61, I I think that I was telling somebody today what I wanted at 20 didn't even resemble what I wanted at 40.
37:34
SPEAKER_00: Like miles apart.
37:36
SPEAKER_00: What I wanted at 40 is changed from what I now want at 60.
37:44
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
37:45
SPEAKER_00: It's just like I I think I'm looking for peace now.
37:51
SPEAKER_00: I'm looking for, you know, someone not just security from a financial standpoint point, but someone who is secure in themselves.
38:01
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
38:02
SPEAKER_00: I think that's that's uh not a hard ask.
38:07
SPEAKER_00: At 41, I wanted a man that was saved.
38:10
SPEAKER_00: I still want a man that's saved, but you know, at 61, I want to know how he relates to God.
38:16
SPEAKER_00: Does he pray when nobody is around?
38:18
SPEAKER_00: Can he get a prayer through?
38:20
SPEAKER_00: Everybody's like, oh yeah, I know the Lord, but do he know you?
38:23
SPEAKER_00: I need somebody that God knows.
38:25
SPEAKER_00: Amen.
38:27
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
38:28
SPEAKER_00: Like, don't just be one of those people you go to church, you oh I go some serve.
38:34
SPEAKER_00: Do you serve at your church?
38:36
SPEAKER_00: Don't just be safe.
38:38
SPEAKER_00: Be saved.
38:40
SPEAKER_00: All right.
38:40
SPEAKER_00: I need somebody with substance to their salvation, to their relationship.
38:45
SPEAKER_00: Um I always think about like what some of the things that I wanted at 41.
38:51
SPEAKER_00: Like at 41, I wanted a man that was 6'4.
38:56
SPEAKER_00: And tall is still admirable, but I'd rather have a man who stands up for me than one who just stands over me.
39:06
SPEAKER_00: That'll preach.
39:07
SPEAKER_00: I I need to put that on a t-shirt.
39:09
SPEAKER_00: At 41, I wanted somebody that was impressive.
39:13
SPEAKER_00: At 61, I want somebody who's consistent.
39:17
SPEAKER_00: Impressive is a first date.
39:18
SPEAKER_00: Impressive looks good on Instagram.
39:21
SPEAKER_00: Consistent is a marriage.
39:24
SPEAKER_00: A purpose partner.
39:25
SPEAKER_00: At 41, I wanted excitement.
39:29
SPEAKER_00: At 61, I want peace.
39:32
SPEAKER_00: And y'all, peace is sexy.
39:34
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
39:35
SPEAKER_00: Peace is the new six foot four.
39:37
SPEAKER_00: Amen.
39:39
SPEAKER_00: I want peace.
39:40
SPEAKER_00: Peace in my household, peace in my mind, peace in my private space.
39:44
SPEAKER_00: At 41, I wanted somebody that was ambitious.
39:47
SPEAKER_00: At 61, I want someone accomplished.
39:50
SPEAKER_00: Like I and I've never been against somebody who's on a hustle coming up, whatever.
39:57
SPEAKER_00: But at 61, come on now.
39:59
SPEAKER_00: I want you to be able to point to something and say, this I have done.
40:04
SPEAKER_00: So I've matured, my list is matured, and I'm ready.
40:10
SPEAKER_00: So as I stated, my first date might be booked.
40:14
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if he's on flake on me.
40:16
SPEAKER_00: Like I can't stand a man that's going to go.
40:18
SPEAKER_00: Don't ghost me.
40:19
SPEAKER_00: Have a mature conversation with me.
40:21
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
40:22
SPEAKER_00: I don't know about this guy.
40:24
SPEAKER_00: So we'll see.
40:24
SPEAKER_00: I I trust he'll respond now.
40:27
SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm going to reach out and see.
40:34
SPEAKER_00: I might reach out one more time, but here's what I know about him so far.
40:39
SPEAKER_00: Um, I do know that he's from, I think, a stricter Pentecostal church.
40:44
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know if they have Orthodox Pentecost Pentecostals, but I I know he he doesn't go to church like spirit and truth.
40:52
SPEAKER_00: And like, y'all know we loud.
40:54
SPEAKER_00: We we have church church.
40:55
SPEAKER_00: I do know that he's retired military, and I think he's close to retiring from the United States Post Office as well.
41:02
SPEAKER_00: So he's a postal worker, and um, he lives here in Atlanta.
41:10
SPEAKER_00: I'm I I don't know if he's been married before.
41:13
SPEAKER_00: I I think he has adult children.
41:16
SPEAKER_00: What I don't know about him is everything that matters.
41:19
SPEAKER_00: So before we go out, he's getting the intake call.
41:22
SPEAKER_00: Yes, the intake haul.
41:24
SPEAKER_00: But the questions that I'll ask are, you know, simple ones.
41:29
SPEAKER_00: One, you know, how long have you been single, not separated, not uh not married on paper?
41:35
SPEAKER_00: But I I don't want the, oh, I'm in a complicated whatever.
41:39
SPEAKER_00: No.
41:40
SPEAKER_00: That I how long have you been single by yourself?
41:44
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not praying through no foolishness with nobody on my phone.
41:47
SPEAKER_00: So there's that.
41:49
SPEAKER_00: But I want to know about his relationship with God.
41:53
SPEAKER_00: I think that's important.
41:54
SPEAKER_00: I don't know what questions do you guys ask on the first dates?
41:58
SPEAKER_00: You know, I know some people are like, how many kids you want?
42:01
SPEAKER_00: What do you want to do?
42:02
SPEAKER_00: Like, tell me about your health.
42:04
SPEAKER_00: Tell me about your life and what I don't know.
42:08
SPEAKER_00: I think it'll be interesting to see what those conversations will be about.
42:13
SPEAKER_00: But I hope it's organic.
42:14
SPEAKER_00: I hope it's natural.
42:16
SPEAKER_00: I I it would be interesting to me.
42:17
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm an interviewer.
42:19
SPEAKER_00: I'm HR to the bone.
42:21
SPEAKER_00: So I've done interviews where I know how to ask targeted questions.
42:25
SPEAKER_00: So I would ask, you know, like when was the last time you were wrong and admitted it?
42:31
SPEAKER_00: And if you can't answer that, we're done.
42:34
SPEAKER_00: Do not pass go.
42:35
SPEAKER_00: Do not collect$200.
42:37
SPEAKER_00: No, we will not go out again.
42:38
SPEAKER_00: We won't make it past the appetizers.
42:41
SPEAKER_00: But I think that um I'll ask some questions that I need you to reveal to me, like more than just what's your favorite color?
42:52
SPEAKER_00: We're beyond that.
42:54
SPEAKER_00: And I will disclose to whoever I talk to that yes, I have a podcast and you're going to be on it.
42:59
SPEAKER_00: They'll be on anonymously.
43:01
SPEAKER_00: And if he still agrees to that, then we're gonna go out.
43:06
SPEAKER_00: So, and I need a I need your help in since everybody will be anonymous, we'll name who these guys are.
43:13
SPEAKER_00: Like maybe it's uh the Pentecostal postal worker, or I don't know.
43:18
SPEAKER_00: We'll we'll come up with something and we will walk through this.
43:23
SPEAKER_00: I think it's gonna be fun.
43:24
SPEAKER_00: I'm very excited about it, actually.
43:26
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm very excited.
43:27
SPEAKER_00: My girlfriends are excited, and this is going to be cool.
43:32
SPEAKER_00: So we'll see if my sister's friend, my sister's friend's friend comes through.
43:38
SPEAKER_00: And I'll be honest with you, I am nervous.
43:40
SPEAKER_00: Like, I haven't been on a real first date in a minute.
43:43
SPEAKER_00: Like, I run meetings, I chair a board, I've presented to rooms of hundreds of thousands of people, and a dinner with one man has me nervous.
43:57
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm in here working out every day doing my Pilates and my Stretches and trying to get my life together.
44:02
SPEAKER_00: I that's how I know it's important to me because I want to live to see it happens.
44:06
SPEAKER_00: George Moore, who's my baby's father, he always says, Teresa, I want you to be healthy so you can live for my girls, like for joy and grace.
44:15
SPEAKER_00: I want you to be here for them.
44:17
SPEAKER_00: He's like, You cannot, nothing can happen to you.
44:20
SPEAKER_00: So I'm taking good care of myself.
44:21
SPEAKER_00: I'm out here trying to live right, take care of myself and be obedient to what I need to do.
44:28
SPEAKER_00: But I know that's how I want to be, you know, cognizant of the fact that I have to present, I have to have something to bring to the table.
44:38
SPEAKER_00: I'm looking forward to it.
44:39
SPEAKER_00: I'm excited.
44:40
SPEAKER_00: We'll see what happens.
44:41
SPEAKER_00: We'll see who can tolerate me.
44:44
SPEAKER_00: And I think every episode, I want to do a segment called Axed and Answered.
44:51
SPEAKER_00: And this is random, but when I was in corporate America, I used to work in one company in the equal opportunity department.
44:58
SPEAKER_00: And I processed terminations of employment all the time.
45:02
SPEAKER_00: And so I would end up being deposed for wrongful terminations.
45:06
SPEAKER_00: And we never ever lost a case.
45:08
SPEAKER_00: But I was deposed all the time.
45:11
SPEAKER_00: So the opposing attorney would come and they'd berate you with questions and ask the same thing over and over and over, just in a different way.
45:18
SPEAKER_00: And so after so many times of asking the same question, my attorney would say, Axed and answered.
45:25
SPEAKER_00: Move on.
45:26
SPEAKER_00: Like just stop.
45:27
SPEAKER_00: I don't know why.
45:28
SPEAKER_00: I randomly thought of that, but so in this segment, I want to do an axed and answered segment.
45:34
SPEAKER_00: And I'm answering one of your questions about dating after 40, 50, or 60.
45:40
SPEAKER_00: And since this is the premiere, I'm going to answer a question that I know somebody is thinking.
45:47
SPEAKER_00: So I'm sure someone is, Teresa, isn't 61 too late?
45:52
SPEAKER_00: Aren't you too old to now start dating?
45:55
SPEAKER_00: Even saying boyfriend, shouldn't it be a man or your husband?
45:59
SPEAKER_00: But I can have a boyfriend at 61.
46:02
SPEAKER_00: And let me let me tell you about Caleb in the Bible.
46:07
SPEAKER_00: In Joshua chapter 14, Caleb is 85 years old.
46:11
SPEAKER_00: 85.
46:12
SPEAKER_00: The same age as my mama.
46:14
SPEAKER_00: And he stands up and says, I'm as strong today as I was the day Moses sent me out.
46:24
SPEAKER_00: Now therefore, give me this mountain.
46:28
SPEAKER_00: Sheesh.
46:30
SPEAKER_00: Where is Caleb?
46:32
SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'm looking for Caleb.
46:34
SPEAKER_00: Caleb, if you're out there, oh, you know what?
46:36
SPEAKER_00: When I wanted to have kids, like I don't know if you were young, you wrote the name to all your kids, but anyway, I had one of my sons' names was Caleb.
46:44
SPEAKER_00: So if I'd have had a boy, his name would have been Caleb.
46:46
SPEAKER_00: So anyway, at 85, Caleb wasn't retiring.
46:50
SPEAKER_00: He wasn't asking for a rocking chair.
46:53
SPEAKER_00: He was asking for a mountain.
46:56
SPEAKER_00: So the answer to the question is no.
46:59
SPEAKER_00: 61 is not too late.
47:01
SPEAKER_00: And here's what's true about dating at our age.
47:05
SPEAKER_00: You're mature enough to know yourself.
47:08
SPEAKER_00: Like you, you're not trying to figure out somebody else and trying to figure out who you are at the same time.
47:15
SPEAKER_00: I can't figure you out and figure me out.
47:17
SPEAKER_00: I know me.
47:18
SPEAKER_00: Let me find out what you're all about.
47:20
SPEAKER_00: That's that's maturity.
47:22
SPEAKER_00: You bring that to the table.
47:25
SPEAKER_00: You got less time for games.
47:28
SPEAKER_00: And that's a good thing.
47:29
SPEAKER_00: I one thing I've found out the older I get, games really tire me.
47:36
SPEAKER_00: The older I am, the less tolerance I have for people playing games.
47:43
SPEAKER_00: I tire easily.
47:44
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I'll get turned off real quick if you plan.
47:47
SPEAKER_00: So don't come to me playing no games, playing no reindeer games.
47:50
SPEAKER_00: Um, another thing about dating at this age, that the dating pool is smaller, but it runs deeper.
47:59
SPEAKER_00: Like the men who are still looking for a spouse, a significant other at 60 plus, they usually know what they want.
48:08
SPEAKER_00: Now I'm not gonna tell you that every 60-year-old man is mature and that you know, guys at 40 and 50 aren't sometimes playing games, but you want a man that knows what they want.
48:22
SPEAKER_00: Another thing about being 61 and dating, I don't need a man.
48:29
SPEAKER_00: I want a man.
48:31
SPEAKER_00: And there's power in that.
48:34
SPEAKER_00: Is it different from 25?
48:36
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
48:38
SPEAKER_00: But is it too late?
48:40
SPEAKER_00: No, not if you're still breathing, not if you still desire and want a man, not if you're willing to go to the field and find your hap stance.
48:50
SPEAKER_00: I remember I asked my bishop, David L.
48:54
SPEAKER_00: Ellis, God rest his soul, I love him so much, the sainted, beloved Bishop Ellis.
48:58
SPEAKER_00: I was like, Well, how do I know?
49:00
SPEAKER_00: And I probably asked him this question in my 20s.
49:02
SPEAKER_00: I probably, golly, I I I asked him this question before I was 29 because he passed in 96.
49:09
SPEAKER_00: Lord have mercy, God.
49:11
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, I um I asked Bishop, I said, Well, what if I have the gift of singleness?
49:16
SPEAKER_00: Like, what if I'm supposed to be single?
49:17
SPEAKER_00: What if God gave me the gift of singleness like he gave Paul?
49:20
SPEAKER_00: And Bishop was like, Do you want to be married?
49:22
SPEAKER_00: Do you want a man?
49:23
SPEAKER_00: I was like, Yes.
49:24
SPEAKER_00: He was like, Well, you don't have the gift of singleness, dummy.
49:27
SPEAKER_00: Like, duh.
49:28
SPEAKER_00: No, you don't have it.
49:30
SPEAKER_00: So if you desire to be married, you desire to be with somebody, you do not have the gift of singleness because God is not going to give you both.
49:36
SPEAKER_00: He's not going to give you desire to be with someone and gift you with the ability to be single.
49:41
SPEAKER_00: So that's not one of my gifts.
49:43
SPEAKER_00: I have many gifts, but being single is not one.
49:46
SPEAKER_00: So here's what I'm asking for next week.
49:49
SPEAKER_00: Send me your questions, the real ones, the ones you're embarrassed to ask your friends.
49:54
SPEAKER_00: I'm answering one on every episode.
49:58
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
49:59
SPEAKER_00: And I want you to go follow me.
50:01
SPEAKER_00: You have to follow me on YouTube at MSTFT.
50:05
SPEAKER_00: I'm also on YLC TV, but again, they have 100,000 subscribers.
50:10
SPEAKER_00: So can can we get to a thousand?
50:11
SPEAKER_00: Can we run this up?
50:13
SPEAKER_00: So follow me on Instagram.
50:16
SPEAKER_00: That's where I will probably post my polls.
50:19
SPEAKER_00: Um, follow me on TikTok, MSTFT1.
50:22
SPEAKER_00: Follow me on Facebook.
50:24
SPEAKER_00: And there is actually a She's Not Done Yet Facebook page as well.
50:28
SPEAKER_00: And if you want all the extras, longer debriefs, I'll probably do a lot of behind the scenes.
50:33
SPEAKER_00: Then you have to come over to the She's Not Done Yet community on school.
50:37
SPEAKER_00: And I haven't done a lot over there.
50:39
SPEAKER_00: It's schoolskol.com slash s n d y.
50:44
SPEAKER_00: But I'll probably go over there and just post things that I wouldn't put online for everybody to see.
50:49
SPEAKER_00: So we'll probably have some.
50:51
SPEAKER_00: If there's something doesn't work out, I'll probably go there and say why.
50:54
SPEAKER_00: But anyway, just remember the rest of your life can be the best of your life.
50:58
SPEAKER_00: The rest of my life is going to be the best of my life.
51:02
SPEAKER_00: And I will have a boyfriend by Christmas.
51:06
SPEAKER_00: Let's go.