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34. Life Is Not A Test · HEY, AMBITIOUS

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: For half of my life, I thought that the universe was testing me.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Seriously.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: I thought life was basically one very long final exam.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, being a good student and being a good girl, I was prepared.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: I became excellent at studying for the test.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: I improved my skills of overthinking, over-delivering, overcompensating, over-perfecting, overgiving, overdoing, and over-accomplishing.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Does that sound familiar?
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Stay with me.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: I became really, really good at figuring things out.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: And from the outside, it worked.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: I looked like a successful woman who had her stuff together.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: She gets things done, she figures things out, she can handle it, and I took pride in that.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Ambition looked good on me.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: And by the way, ambition still looks good on me and on you too.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Ambition moves things, it moves energy, it moves ideas into form.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Ambitious women create business, families, movements, art, opportunities, communities, experiences.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want less ambition.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: What about you?
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: I want to change the fuel.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because my ambition was fueled for a very long time by this unconscious belief.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: There is another test coming.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: So be ready.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Do more, learn more, get better, don't mess it up.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: And preferably, yeah, get an A.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: The funny thing is, when you believe life is testing you, life starts looking suspiciously like a test.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Every challenge becomes, what am I supposed to learn from this?
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: What am I doing wrong?
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Why is the universe giving me this?
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: What haven't I learned yet?
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: What haven't I healed yet?
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: What do I need to fix?
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Apparently, even spirituality can become another advanced placement class for ambitious women.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: And underneath all of that accomplishment, something in me knew.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not really living my life.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Not completely, because there was never there was another girl inside of me.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Lighthearted, cheerful, playful, curious, creative.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: She wanted to wonder about life.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: She wanted to experiment.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: She wanted to discover.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: She wanted to get to know creation itself.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Not because there was going to be a test at the end, but because, oh my god, like literally, look at this place.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: What can we do here?
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: What can I create here?
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: What would love to create through me?
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Who can I become here?
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: What's possible here?
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: And there is a huge difference between figuring something out because you are afraid of getting it wrong and there is test coming.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And exploring something because you're fascinated by what might be possible.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: For the first half of my life, I would say I passed the test.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: What about you?
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: It got me somewhere beautiful.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Those skills matter, discipline matters, knowledge matters, learning matters, strategy matters.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Being able to figure things out matters.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not throwing any of that away.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: But eventually I reached a place where I did not want to create only from what I already knew.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because what I already know is largely built from what I've already experienced.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I wanted to create something different.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: Something that felt deeply connected to who I actually am.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Something I could not necessarily prove yet.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Oof, that's uncomfortable, isn't it?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where everything began to change for me.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: I started understanding that I'm not standing outside of life waiting for the universe to evaluate me.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: I am actively participating in life.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not separate from the universe.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: I am life within life.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm consciousness participating in consciousness.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: I am creation participating in creation.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: And whether you call that the universe, God, source, consciousness, the quantum field, life, or simply creation itself, the shift for me was enormous.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: I stopped relating to it as an authority figure holding a clipboard.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Pass the test and I'll give you that.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Heal this, and then you can have that.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Become worthy enough, and maybe I'll approve your request.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because what if there is no cosmic clipboard?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: What if the universe does not have a default setting that says, if Jules performs adequately, release abundance.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's ridiculous.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: But that's how most of us really live and create.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: And that is a very human model.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: We understand conditions.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Do this, get that.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Behave this way, receive approval.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Perform well, receive the grade.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Achie something, feel worthy.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: But what if we took that human conditioning and projected it onto the universe?
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Psychology actually gives us an interesting way of looking at this.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: The brain is a prediction-making system.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: It uses what has happened before to anticipate what is likely to happen next.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that's incredibly useful.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: But it also means that what feels like reality can sometimes be a nervous system and brain saying, This is what I know, this is what I expect, this is what I have learned to look for.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: And if you learned somewhere along the way that love, belonging, safety, recognition, or worth had conditions attached to them, you can become incredibly good at meeting conditions.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Ambitious women can turn that into an art form, don't we?
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: We perfect, we control, we anticipate, we prove, we perform, we prepare, and then one day you realize.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Wait, whose test am I taking?
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Who am I reporting to?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because there is no test.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: That idea alone created an enormous sense of freedom for me.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Can you feel that?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Are you with me?
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: I began experiencing the universe differently.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: The universe I believe in now is unconditional love.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: The energy of creation to me is unconditional love.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: And when I stopped standing outside of it trying to earn admission, I decided to enter.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I felt so loved.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: I looked around, the sky is for me, the sun is for me, the ocean is for me, the flowers are for me, the nature, the beauty, the music, people I can meet and love with and create with and play with.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: And even choose who I want to play with.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: All for me.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: Not for me in the sense that I personally own the ocean, although I'd like several beaches, but in the sense that I get to experience this.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: I am included.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not standing there outside and waiting for permission and passing the test.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: I am the permission.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I gave that permission to myself with no conditions and no test to pass.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: I decided I am included.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: I decided I belong here.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to earn my participation in life.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm already here.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that changed creation for me.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because now I'm not creating to prove that I am worthy of being here.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm creating because I'm here.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because I matter.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm whole without the condition of passing the test.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: I am complete as I am, and I can expand.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Expansion is my blueprint.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: I have something uniquely mine to express.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I get to decide what ex what that expression becomes.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: And this is, if you will, the second half of my life.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to play it differently.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be a little delusional.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: And when I say delusional, I don't mean ignoring reality.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: I mean refusing to make today's reality the absolute authority on tomorrow's possibilities.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: I want to perceive more possibilities.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: I want to create from potential.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: I want to wonder.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: I want to experiment.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: I want to say, what if?
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: Why not?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Let's see what's possible.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: I wonder what happens if I wonder how life might surprise me today.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because I don't have to fit in.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to make creation right.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to pass anything.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: And when you begin seeing yourself as an active creator of your life, something else becomes available.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: You realize how much meaning you are assigning to everything.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: This happened, therefore it means.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: She said this, therefore it means.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: My business hasn't grown yet, therefore it means.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: I am this age, therefore it means.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: I tried and it didn't work, therefore it means.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: But who assigned the meaning?
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: You did.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Which means the creator can assign another one.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Not by pretending something didn't happen, but by deciding what relationship you will have with what happened.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's power.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: The creator holds the brush.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: You can look at something that did not work and call it failure, or information, redirection, feedback, or simply experiment number five thousand fifty-one.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: And by the way, have you actually taken my possibility experiments yet?
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: They amazing.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: So the funniest plot twist you've had this year, you can assign that to you to the situation.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: The event happened, you may just call it, you know, the funniest plot twist I've had this year.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: But the meaning is not necessarily embedded inside the event, right?
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: And how do you know that?
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: Well, look at the situation that you might be experiencing today, and just in one column write all the facts about the situation, and then all the meanings that your imagination and your brain have assigned.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: And you will see that the first column is going to be way shorter.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: And everything else is very much flexible.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: And this is why I think one of the greatest skills of creation is decision, not fronting, not fronting decision making, not what is the perfect decision.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's the test again.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: I mean decision from identity.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: Decision from the identity of a creator.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: I am a creator.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is who I am.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is what I choose.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: This is what I'm here to create and experiment with.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: Period.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then I move.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because everything after that can very quickly become negotiation with fear.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: But what if?
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you should wait, maybe not ready, maybe there is a better time, maybe not a certification, maybe you should think about this for six more months.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe Mercury is doing something.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: Fear loves a committee meeting.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: Have you experienced that before?
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now you know.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Decision doesn't take long time.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's renegotiating your decision with a fear committee meeting.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's what takes time.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's going back and forth, that's what takes time.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: The decision?
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: It takes devotion and it takes commitment to the decision, not to the fear.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: The creator makes a decision, not because she knows exactly how everything will turn out, but because she knows who is holding the brush.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: And this is what I want to explore now.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: This art of personal creation.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Not controlling every outcome, not pretending difficult things don't happen, not believing that if I think perfectly, life will obey me perfectly.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's just another test.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about participating, creating, responding, choosing, reassigning meaning, opening perception, experimenting with possibility, and expressing more and more of who I choose to be.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's why I created the possibility experiments.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: They're little invitations out of the testing room, little moments where instead of asking what's going to happen, can I control it?
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: Am I doing it right?
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: You begin asking, I wonder, what's possible here?
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: And the creator's room takes that question deeper.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because eventually, possibility becomes more than something you occasionally notice.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: It becomes an identity you create from.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: You stop being the good student waiting for the life's next assignment.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: You become the artist.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: The canvas is here, the brush is already in your hand.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe life was never asking you to pass the test.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe life has been waiting for you to play with it.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: So here is something I want you to experiment with today.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: Notice where you're still taking a test that nobody actually gave you.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: What are you trying to get an A in your business, your body, your relationships, your motherhood, your spirituality, your success, your worthiness?
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: And ask yourself, what if there is no test here?
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: What would I choose if I wasn't trying to get this right?
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: Who'd I be if there were nothing to prove?
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: What would I create if this were a canvas instead of an exam?
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe just for today, put down the number two pencil.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: Pick up the brush, choose your colors.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: Class dismissed.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Create play.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: Enjoy the experiment.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: It is your life.