Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / FOCUS: Stop searching in others what is already within you.

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FOCUS: Stop searching in others what is already within you. · Do You F*cking Mind?

• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to this focus episode. So
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: this focus episode is an extract from one of my
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  Speaker 1: older episodes, just to bring it to the forefront and
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  Speaker 1: remind you for topic that is really important that I've
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  Speaker 1: spoken about in the past. If you would like to
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  Speaker 1: hear the entire episode, just click on the link in
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: the show notes and it will take you to the
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  Speaker 1: full episode.
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  Speaker 2: I hope you enjoyed duncan So today.
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  Speaker 3: Basically what we're talking about, what I want to cover
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  Speaker 3: is the importance of where you put your energy in
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  Speaker 3: terms of what you want.
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  Speaker 2: So much is already residing within you, Okay, So.
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  Speaker 3: Every time you look for it elsewhere, you're gonna sell
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  Speaker 3: yourself short. You're gonna block yourself. You're slowing yourself down,
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  Speaker 3: you're regressing.
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  Speaker 2: Okay.
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  Speaker 3: Every time you expect someone to give you something that
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  Speaker 3: you can give yourself, you place your self in a
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  Speaker 3: position of lack and in a position of expectation of
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  Speaker 3: other people. It's okay to expect things from yourself to
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  Speaker 3: a degree, but when you're expecting things from other people
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  Speaker 3: as far as giving things to.
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  Speaker 2: You, then you're in a position of lack.
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  Speaker 3: The same goes for every time you try and find
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  Speaker 3: a quick fix for something that you know can only
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  Speaker 3: be achieved through habits or routine.
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  Speaker 2: You slow down, or you go backwards, you regress.
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  Speaker 3: You know, every time you look for others to provide
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  Speaker 3: emotions that only you can provide for yourself, you end
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  Speaker 3: up feeling really hurt, or you end up feeling defensive,
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  Speaker 3: or you feel powerless, like you have no control.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, so let's break them down.
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  Speaker 3: I've got a bunch of categories, like I said, so
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  Speaker 3: I'm going to break it up into the following categories
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  Speaker 3: and expand on them. We've got and these are things
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  Speaker 3: that you are searching for that's already within you. Drive
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  Speaker 3: slash motivation slash self control, happiness, someone to take care
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  Speaker 3: of you, whether it's emotionally or financially, approval, and a
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  Speaker 3: reason to do something. Okay, So I want to touch
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  Speaker 3: on each of these things and then how you can
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  Speaker 3: start to view them differently and approach them differently. The
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  Speaker 3: number one thing that I want you to do after
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  Speaker 3: today's episode, the main thing that I want you to
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  Speaker 3: have achieved, is just acknowledge awareness around the topic, the issue,
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  Speaker 3: whatever it is. Once you can shed light on something
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  Speaker 3: or awareness will be like, Wow, I didn't think I
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  Speaker 3: was doing that, or oh, I can identify behaviors that
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  Speaker 3: mean that I am doing that, then you can do
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  Speaker 3: something about it.
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  Speaker 2: Identifying is key. Okay, so don't think, oh my god, fuck,
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  Speaker 2: that's terrible.
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  Speaker 3: I've been doing that my whole life. Good that you
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  Speaker 3: can identify it, that's the most important thing. If you're
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  Speaker 3: in denial, then you can go nowhere as far as
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  Speaker 3: growth and change. Okay, so today your only homework is
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  Speaker 3: to identify as much as possible in these categories and
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  Speaker 3: see what you can do for yourself. Okay, let's get
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  Speaker 3: into the first the first category which is drive slash
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  Speaker 3: motivations slash self conlose.
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  Speaker 2: This one's a huge one.
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  Speaker 3: I want you to stop expecting people to be your motivator. Okay,
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  Speaker 3: It's not their job to motivate you, and and don't
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  Speaker 3: put that job in their hands, because then you're gonna
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  Speaker 3: be like, oh, you didn't, you didn't you didn't wake
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  Speaker 3: me up to go to the gym today, or oh,
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  Speaker 3: you said we were going to do this together and
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  Speaker 3: you haven't done it, so then I've slacked off. It's
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  Speaker 3: so easy to get a friend, a sibling, a partner,
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  Speaker 3: This is very common in romantic relationships.
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  Speaker 2: You get each other up on a Sunday night. Okay,
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  Speaker 2: we've just eaten that.
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  Speaker 3: You know, five thousand kilos of sugar. But now tomorrow
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  Speaker 3: morning we're in the zone. We're fucking in the zone.
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  Speaker 3: We're gonna see.
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  Speaker 2: Each other up. That's that's all right. Oh, it's fucking happening.
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  Speaker 3: And then you wake up and then you're like, well,
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  Speaker 3: you know, hey, they didn't wake me up, so like.
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  Speaker 2: You know, I would have gotten up if you wake
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  Speaker 2: me up. Or oh you you know you let me
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  Speaker 2: sleep in. Why do you let me sleep in? And
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  Speaker 2: you said you were gonna.
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  Speaker 3: Work no, no, okay, Or you didn't stop me from
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  Speaker 3: eating that chocolate. You said you were going to help
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  Speaker 3: me with you know, my sugar cravings, and you offered
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  Speaker 3: me a piece of chocolate, Like you're not a dog.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, you have control.
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  Speaker 3: You don't have to eat everything that someone puts in
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  Speaker 3: your hand, or you don't have to only do what
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  Speaker 3: someone tells you what.
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  Speaker 2: To do or not to do.
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  Speaker 3: What is it easier when you've got a partner or
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  Speaker 3: a friend who's an accountability buddy one hundred percent, one
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  Speaker 3: hundred percent, it's easier, and if you know that there's
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  Speaker 3: someone there that is going to help you, keyword being help,
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  Speaker 3: not make you do something, but help you utilize that
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  Speaker 3: person in your life.
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  Speaker 2: For sure.
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  Speaker 3: I'm all for accountability buddies, and it works a treat,
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  Speaker 3: But they are not responsible.
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  Speaker 2: That's the problem.
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  Speaker 3: A lot of people get to the point where they think, oh, well,
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  Speaker 3: if you didn't you said you were going to do this,
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  Speaker 3: we shook on it, you didn't push me.
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  Speaker 2: Well, well, I have no fucking control. You have control? Okay,
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  Speaker 2: you have control? Is it hada? Yes? Is it their fault?
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  Speaker 3: No? Stop putting that responsibility on other people, okay. And
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  Speaker 3: another thing you can do is you can start to
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  Speaker 3: identify which people are likely to engage in sabotaging behaviors
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  Speaker 3: and not even maliciously. But there's the kind of people
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  Speaker 3: that you've already seen them that they have no fucking
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  Speaker 3: self control. Why do you keep shaking hands on them
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  Speaker 3: to be like, we're gonna start exercising today with a
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  Speaker 3: person that you know has zero self control or zero
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  Speaker 3: drive to do something.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, stop stop.
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  Speaker 3: Find someone else that you know is more likely to
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  Speaker 3: do something or do it on your own. And if
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  Speaker 3: you don't want to do something on your own, you
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  Speaker 3: still have to acknowledge that ultimately the responsibility is yours. Okay,
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  Speaker 3: Your actions and your inactions are up to you. The
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  Speaker 3: buck stops with you, Okay, So you can still you know,
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  Speaker 3: it's always beneficial always to pay attention to who you're
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  Speaker 3: hanging around with and what kind of influences these people
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  Speaker 3: have on your life, because it's not like someone kind
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  Speaker 3: of zero l But you have to realize that ultimately
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  Speaker 3: the choice is mine, and the choice begins with who
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  Speaker 3: you're hanging out with. It doesn't begin with Okay, I'm
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  Speaker 3: trying to cut out alcohol, but I'm going to hang
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  Speaker 3: around with people that all they do when they hang
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  Speaker 3: out is go out and drink. Good on them, That's
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  Speaker 3: not their problem. You're the one that wants to stop
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  Speaker 3: drinking alcohol. What are you going to do about it?
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  Speaker 3: Are you going to keep hanging around with these people
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  Speaker 3: and then make the decisions so much harder and making
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  Speaker 3: you have to administer so much more self control when
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  Speaker 3: you're around these people, or are you going to think, well,
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  Speaker 3: I know for a fact that all they're going to
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  Speaker 3: do is drink, and it's going to be a lot
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  Speaker 3: harder for me to say no. So maybe instead of
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  Speaker 3: hanging out with these people four times a week, maybe
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  Speaker 3: I should just hang around with them once a week
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  Speaker 3: because I know that at that time, I'm not going
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  Speaker 3: to have that control. Become aware of when you cave,
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  Speaker 3: when you're most likely to cave, and stop blaming other
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  Speaker 3: people for it.
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  Speaker 2: If you know someone drinks all the.
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  Speaker 3: Time and you're going to hang around with them and
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  Speaker 3: you always cave every time they offer you a drink,
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  Speaker 3: why are you going to perform any differently in the future.
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  Speaker 3: You need to prepare yourself for these moments. Okay, And
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  Speaker 3: I'm using drinking as an example. I love a negrony
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  Speaker 3: good times. I'm just using that as an example. And
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  Speaker 3: if you really want someone who helps keep you accountable,
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  Speaker 3: it's your responsibility to find someone that's going to fit
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  Speaker 3: the brief and even then it's not their responsibility at
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  Speaker 3: the end of the day. If that makes sense, you know,
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  Speaker 3: So stop sitting there and making promises with someone who
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  Speaker 3: never wakes up early in the morning and who always
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  Speaker 3: eats the foods that they want to eat, and always
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  Speaker 3: whatever it is that it is that you're trying to
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  Speaker 3: have some self control over find the right people. Don't
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  Speaker 3: try and make promises with people that you know have
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  Speaker 3: never done it before.