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Always November From Arik Housley Lessons In Love Loss And Resilience · Arroe Collins Like It's Live

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Speaker 1: Ero dot net A r r oe dot net not
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Speaker 1: just one podcast. Very easily, you could be scanning over
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Speaker 1: twenty different podcasts every time you visit. One of the
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Speaker 1: biggest ones that Voice. I've spent over ten years with
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Speaker 1: those featured on NBC's The Voice. Here they're opening stories.
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Speaker 1: Watch as they grow forward that voice only on ero
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Speaker 1: dot net A r r oe dot net. Enjoy your exploration.
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Speaker 1: How are you doing today? Absolutely fantastic and looking forward
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Speaker 1: to sharing a conversation with you because in a very
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Speaker 1: very creative and loving way, you are the needle in
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Speaker 1: a haystack. You've got so many answers here, but to
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Speaker 1: get there has required a personal journey from you.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, very much, So.
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Speaker 1: To embrace it. And I'll tell you what, and I'll
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Speaker 1: tell you where I'm going to start this off only
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Speaker 1: because I think that we are we've become that generation
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Speaker 1: that doesn't know how to handle either side of green
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Speaker 1: those that want to share their their empathy and their
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Speaker 1: compassion and those that are receiving. It's like there's like
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Speaker 1: a collision there. Why is it that we continue to
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Speaker 1: do this and we're not growing forward in just loving
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Speaker 1: each other?
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Speaker 3: You know, I think it's hard we all have our
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Speaker 3: own story and our own journey, right, So I think
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Speaker 3: I noticed it all the time. Some people have come
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Speaker 3: up and I'm convinced everyone says something like their intentions
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Speaker 3: are to say something nice, yes, but you know a
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Speaker 3: lot of times what they say is what they think
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Speaker 3: they'd want to hear, and that's not the same for everybody.
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Speaker 3: You know, take a strong Christian woman who's still angry
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Speaker 3: at God in the moment that you say, oh, she's
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Speaker 3: with God now, and you can see a reaction you
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Speaker 3: would never expect. But you're like, well, I know she
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Speaker 3: went to church. You know she might not be ready
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Speaker 3: for that. Then maybe in a year she is. But
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Speaker 3: so I just you know, it's it's difficult. People just
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Speaker 3: don't know, and it's okay, it's okay to say I'm
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Speaker 3: just I'm so sorry.
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Speaker 2: I just was wanted to know. I was thinking of
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Speaker 2: you and your daughter, you and Elena.
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Speaker 1: You know, I've had those battles with God and it's
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Speaker 1: one of those where it took me to a journal,
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Speaker 1: So I can't imagine what it did to you in
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Speaker 1: the way of putting that pen to paper or trying
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Speaker 1: to figure out a way to even understand the process.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure.
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Speaker 3: And you know, to me, the pen to paper happened
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Speaker 3: because I was talking to so many parents or others
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Speaker 3: who had lost loved ones and just just being there
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Speaker 3: for them a person with sadly like story and to
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Speaker 3: make them not feel so alone. And my wife just said, Eric,
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Speaker 3: this is I know you. You are fulfilled and you
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Speaker 3: love helping other people. That's always been here. Then she said,
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Speaker 3: but you're emotionally and mentally drained at the end of
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Speaker 3: the day, and you have to you also have to work.
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Speaker 3: And so she's like, have you considered a book?
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Speaker 2: And and then it was off.
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Speaker 1: You know, well, it's such an honest and a transparent book,
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Speaker 1: and it's for so many people on so many different levels.
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Speaker 1: Because I read here that that you're that you're wanting
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Speaker 1: to also reach into businesses and and I and I cheered.
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Speaker 1: I actually made it sounds when I read that, because
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Speaker 1: there are a lot of businesses that are going through
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Speaker 1: personal changes that really do feel like that you're going
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Speaker 1: through a major tragic loss in your life, and you
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Speaker 1: do things inside this book that open our heart to
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Speaker 1: all levels of change.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I mean, grief is hard for all
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Speaker 3: of us and it doesn't have to be just the
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Speaker 3: loss of a loved one, and it can be in
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Speaker 3: the workplace when your coworker loses their spouse, let's say,
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Speaker 3: and they say, oh, well, give them some privacy. Well,
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Speaker 3: then all of a sudden, the difference between privacy and
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Speaker 3: isolation is a very fine line, and it can hurt morale.
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Speaker 2: An example, a friend lost her.
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Speaker 3: Daughter recently in the line of work, and her younger
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Speaker 3: daughter goes to university. Well, she's getting great support from counseling,
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Speaker 3: but her friends are afraid to say the wrong thing,
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Speaker 3: so they're leaving her. She's feeling very isolated in her
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Speaker 3: friend group because they're trying to be respectful.
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Speaker 2: And it's like, you know, it's okay.
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Speaker 3: Ask her about to tell a story about her her
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Speaker 3: her sister, right, ask her to tell that story.
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Speaker 2: Here's something to kind of sit with a minute.
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Speaker 3: And in the workplace in the community, it's the same
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Speaker 3: is you know, there's a time for it and there's
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Speaker 3: a time not for it. And I think it's understanding
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Speaker 3: that in the workplace it can really help or hurt
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Speaker 3: morale if you're not you know, being there and being
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Speaker 3: with that person, or at least sitting with him, bring
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Speaker 3: him a coffee, and just say I was thinking.
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Speaker 2: About you today.
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Speaker 3: I hope this this, you know, just let you know
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Speaker 3: I was thinking of you and your daughter.
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Speaker 2: You know.
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Speaker 1: Isn't that kind of odd? How face to face time
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Speaker 1: has become the challenge for so many people. We can
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Speaker 1: do it on a smartphone, we can do it when
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Speaker 1: we're just sitting here sending out text messages. But when
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Speaker 1: I see the physical curve of your face, it's like yeah, yeah, yeah,
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Speaker 1: and you tend to just back off a bit. And
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Speaker 1: I don't understand why we're in this position, but I
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Speaker 1: know the higher power must have a reason why we're
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Speaker 1: in this place.
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Speaker 3: You know, they say he, you know everything, he works
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Speaker 3: all for good, And I know that's hard for some
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Speaker 3: people to understand and wrap their head around. I look
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Speaker 3: at it now and say, you know, we went through
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Speaker 3: something we call post traumatic growth or what's referred to
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Speaker 3: as And I have relationships in my life now.
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Speaker 2: That I would I would.
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Speaker 3: Hate to lose, but they happen because of losing my
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Speaker 3: daughter in a mass shooting. You know, these are people
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Speaker 3: that I cherish in my life, my speaking coach, my
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Speaker 3: you know, these people that randomly came up to me
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Speaker 3: that I met and that came into my life, and
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Speaker 3: you know, sometimes we just have to let go and
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Speaker 3: let God in that way, you know.
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Speaker 1: Let's let's talk about that that situation, in the way
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Speaker 1: that you know, being a parent as well as a grandparent,
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Speaker 1: I cringe when even the people I work with who
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Speaker 1: are our young adults, they're teenagers and they tell me
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Speaker 1: what they're going to do. I freak out because I
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Speaker 1: think I have more PTSD than these kids do, because
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Speaker 1: they're going to go out there and live life like
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Speaker 1: this is the last day. And it's like, that's not
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Speaker 1: how it's supposed to work. You can't tell me that.
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Speaker 1: And I think that this book is for parents as
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Speaker 1: well who fear, who fear what you went through.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it's everybody's one of everybody's greatest fears, right,
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Speaker 3: And I think ultimately, I take the eighteen years I
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Speaker 3: had with Elena and feel so blessed to have had those.
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Speaker 2: I wouldn't change them for the world.
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Speaker 3: I can't change the outcome, so that's not real to
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Speaker 3: turn and say, well, I'd change it if I could
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Speaker 3: have her back, Well, that's not real, but you're right,
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Speaker 3: but I wouldn't change it to have a lifetime with
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Speaker 3: someone else than I had with my daughter. I think
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Speaker 3: ultimately we every day, Earl, we are one day closer
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Speaker 3: to our last day. So you can either live that now.
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Speaker 3: I don't say that because you need to go jump
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Speaker 3: off a building and parachute down and do stupid stuff.
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Speaker 3: But at the same time, we have to say the
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Speaker 3: things we need to to our loved ones. We need
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Speaker 3: to let them know because we don't know if any
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Speaker 3: of us are here tomorrow. And if you don't get
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Speaker 3: a chance to save that or take that back, that's
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Speaker 3: when the regret comes comes into play.
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Speaker 1: Please don't move. We'll be right back with Eric Housley
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Speaker 1: coming up next. You spell Eric A r Ik Housley
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Speaker 1: h o us l e Y the name of the
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Speaker 1: book always November. We are back with Eric Housley speaking
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Speaker 1: of that regret. How do you how do you react
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Speaker 1: to people who make comments such as and it was
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Speaker 1: I mean, I believe it was beautiful, But at the
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Speaker 1: same time, it sure hasn't left my heart because I'm
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Speaker 1: still questioning when someone like Whoopy Goldberg will will go, hey,
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Speaker 1: look I lost my brother and I lost my mother.
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Speaker 1: Why didn't you take me with you, and it's like,
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Speaker 1: why are we in a position like that when obviously
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Speaker 1: we've been given the reins to teach people, to embrace people,
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Speaker 1: to continue with community, to give love. And I guess
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Speaker 1: I'm lost in the center of that and you're living it.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Speaker 3: I mean, there is a lot of survivor's guilt for people,
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Speaker 3: and they just don't know how to deal with their grief.
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Speaker 3: And you know, I try to say, honor them, you know,
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Speaker 3: recognize them, tell me stories about them, to make their
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Speaker 3: legacy live on. People ask me all the time and
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Speaker 3: why we do this for Elena and I is it
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Speaker 3: to keep her name alive? And I was like, absolutely not,
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Speaker 3: She'll live with me forever, and I'm happy to do it.
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Speaker 3: But people say her name wrong all the time. That's
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Speaker 3: not the point to me. To me, it's how do
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Speaker 3: we spread love and light and do what we can
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Speaker 3: to help those people around us. What if this helps
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Speaker 3: one person in their journey and grief that they've been
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Speaker 3: stuck for two decades And this happens all the time
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Speaker 3: to me, which it just blows my mind because I'd
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Speaker 3: never really imagined the work I was doing was going
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Speaker 3: to resonate to so many, But I think it's just
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Speaker 3: the honesty and the vulnerability. I mean, Brene Brown says
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Speaker 3: it best vulnerability is courage, and so it's just like, hey,
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Speaker 3: as a man, to be able to stand up and say, hey,
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Speaker 3: this hurts.
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Speaker 2: It's not fun.
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Speaker 3: Yet look at some of the things, some of the
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Speaker 3: positive moments, some of the things that can make us
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Speaker 3: laugh and smile and realize we were very fortunate with
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Speaker 3: the time we had.
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Speaker 1: Well, one of the things it does make me laugh
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Speaker 1: and smile is when people who have dealt with this
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Speaker 1: have come up with ways to show that, you know,
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Speaker 1: I'm not in that kind of pain anymore. For instance,
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Speaker 1: like when people say, oh, I'm so sorry about your
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Speaker 1: sister and I point to my heart. That's all I
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Speaker 1: have to do. I don't have to say a word whatsoever.
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Speaker 1: And they know that she's alive in my heart. And
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Speaker 1: it's like, how can we get people who are grieving
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Speaker 1: to understand just a finger to your heart says so
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Speaker 1: much to a passer by?
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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
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Speaker 3: And you know, I had people that look like made
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Speaker 3: eye contact with me that I'd known for years and
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Speaker 3: then dropped their head and took off a different direction
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Speaker 3: and said the wrong thing. And I've heard a few
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Speaker 3: people that have gone through grief that said, oh, I
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Speaker 3: really appreciate it when people just would say there are
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Speaker 3: no words and I and I started laughing. I said
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Speaker 3: to Oh, that was one of my pet peeves. It's like,
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Speaker 3: if there's no words, then don't say anything. There's the
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Speaker 3: sarcastic side. But I similarly, I tell people, you know what,
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Speaker 3: put your hand in your heart and just you know, smile,
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Speaker 3: give them, look them in the eye as hard as
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Speaker 3: that is, and they know you were there, you know,
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Speaker 3: drop off that food at their house. And if they say,
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Speaker 3: I'm sorry, I have so much food. I don't want this,
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Speaker 3: don't take it personally. And understand one thing, They're going
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Speaker 3: to remember you showed up.
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Speaker 2: They're gonna remember.
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Speaker 3: They're not going to remember you had lasagna in the
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Speaker 3: dish or whatever because it's a fog, but they will.
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Speaker 3: They will remember you took the time to show up.
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Speaker 3: Oh and I have a great one for you, a friend,
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Speaker 3: and keep just one into your back pocket. A friend
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Speaker 3: told me she lost her husband suddenly, and she said
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Speaker 3: the best thing was a friend showed up, said I'm
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Speaker 3: at my car, in my car at your curb, I
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Speaker 3: have my phone on my laptop. Don't worry about me.
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Speaker 3: I can keep myself busy for a couple hours. However,
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Speaker 3: if you'd like me to chat, if you want to chat,
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Speaker 3: you want me to do your dishes, some laundry, you
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Speaker 3: want to go for a walk, I'm here, No, I'm close,
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Speaker 3: and I love you.
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Speaker 2: And I was like, that is the coolest. That's the
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Speaker 2: coolest one I've ever heard. See it.
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Speaker 1: And it's taking your book to really open up our
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Speaker 1: hearts to have those conversations. And that's what I love
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Speaker 1: about this is that you were brave enough to, as
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Speaker 1: Steven Ferdick from my church, Elevation Church would say, you've
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Speaker 1: got to walk back into that fire. I know that
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Speaker 1: it hurts. I know that your ban and that you
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Speaker 1: you don't have the strength. But Eric, you're proven to
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Speaker 1: everybody you do have the strength. And you've walked back
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Speaker 1: in that fire and you're saying, hey, look, we can
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Speaker 1: all make it through our personal storms. And that's why
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Speaker 1: I love this book.
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Speaker 2: Well, thank you.
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Speaker 3: We you know, people asked how we get through it,
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Speaker 3: and I said two things. Community and the fact that
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Speaker 3: we believe God. God immediately wrapped his arms around us
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Speaker 3: and held us through this whole journey.
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Speaker 1: Oh my god, is it wrong to say that? I
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Speaker 1: summed so many times I sit there and I can
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Speaker 1: hear God say, dude, dude, dude, come on, dude, come on,
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Speaker 1: and you just know what it's like pointing to your heart.
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Speaker 1: You just know. Oh yeah, I know where I'm going now,
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Speaker 1: I've got my orders.
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Speaker 2: Dude. Yeah, well I know I'll see her again. I'm
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Speaker 2: not worried about that's for sure.
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Speaker 1: Okay, how are you hosting a podcast? Because, you know, Eric,
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Speaker 1: this is the kind of stuff that people want to
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Speaker 1: be listening to when they're sitting in their cars or
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Speaker 1: they're at work. They want to be able to relate,
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Speaker 1: they want to be able to grow, but they've got
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Speaker 1: to have those vocal relationships with somebody who's going to
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Speaker 1: take them on that path and give them a purpose
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Speaker 1: and a plan.
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Speaker 2: You know, I do.
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Speaker 3: I on my website, Eric Hoousley dot com. It is
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Speaker 3: and it's stelled funny, so you'd have to google it probably,
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Speaker 3: But I have a podcast and I get other people
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Speaker 3: that are in their own brief journey. You know, there's
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Speaker 3: so many differences because we all do this different. But
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Speaker 3: there's also so many similarities, and so I try to
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Speaker 3: keep them light hearted and easy listening of people in
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Speaker 3: a journey to kind of let you know you're.
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Speaker 2: Not alone in your own journey. God.
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Speaker 3: I just think it's called Lessons and Lost Love and
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Speaker 3: Resilience as a subtitle of the book.
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Speaker 1: I Love Where Your Heart Is. You got to come
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Speaker 1: back to this show. This can't be just a once
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Speaker 1: a year type of thing. We've got to be able
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Speaker 1: to grow with our community and get into those hearts
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Speaker 1: of people that are in other nations, because obviously this
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Speaker 1: would not have happened if the Higher Power would not
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Speaker 1: have created the Internet in the way of reaching people
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Speaker 1: beyond our borders.
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Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely, and I'd be happy to come anytime. Excellent.
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Speaker 1: Will you be brilliant today? Eric? And that is spelled
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Speaker 1: a R I K, which I laugh at because I'm
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Speaker 1: a R r OE, So I get the names with
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Speaker 1: the misspellings and stuff, But I love real fast. Where
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Speaker 1: did the where'd that version come from? Was it something
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Speaker 1: you created while you were sitting with your wife?
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Speaker 2: Of my name? Yes, sir, No, no, no, no, it's
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Speaker 2: not that. No, it's it's my given name. For my parents.
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Speaker 3: They just wanted a names and my mom worked the
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Speaker 3: health department and thought.
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Speaker 2: Oh, there's a different one. So it was that simple.
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Speaker 3: There's another People think, are you Scandinavian. I'm like, nope,
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Speaker 3: that was the name they gave me, so a R
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Speaker 3: I K.
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Speaker 1: Once they do that and they remember that, dude, you're
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Speaker 1: on your way, I swear to God man. But thank
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Speaker 1: you so much for your time today, sir. Thank you
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Speaker 1: be brilliant. Okay, I will you as well.
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Speaker 2: Thank you