Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Knicks Fans Brand Elmo a Traitor _ Trump Storms Out of _Meet the Press_ Interview _ The Daily Show
Transcript
- 0:00Speaker 1: Welcome to The Daily Show. My name is Jon Stewart.
- 0:02Speaker 1: We've got a phenomenal show for you tonight. Later on,
- 0:04Speaker 1: we're going to be joined by the legendary Jane Fonda.
- 0:11Speaker 1: She's here.
- 0:12Speaker 2: She's going to be promoting her upcoming UFC fight at
- 0:14Speaker 2: the White House.
- 0:16Speaker 1: On some guy's birthday. But first, tonight is Game 3, baby!
- 0:23Speaker 1: New York Knicks! The excitement in New York is palpable.
- 0:34Speaker 3: The New York Knicks are now two wins away from
- 0:35Speaker 3: doing something they have not done since Richard Nixon was
- 0:37Speaker 3: in office.
- 0:44Speaker 2: Was that necessary? The Nixon reference? Oh, the last time
- 0:51Speaker 2: the Knicks won, the flu was treated with leeches.
- 0:53Speaker 4: No! No!
- 0:56Speaker 1: I know it's been a long time. Look at me!
- 1:00Speaker 1: But we're all excited here. Everyone in New York is
- 1:03Speaker 1: rooting for the Knicks. Well, almost everyone.
- 1:06Speaker 3: Abuse that's piling up online for Elmo.
- 1:10Speaker 1: After he tried to be neutral about.
- 1:11Speaker 3: The NBA Finals, a Sesame Street star posted, Elmo hopes
- 1:15Speaker 3: both teams have fun.
- 1:21Speaker 1: You f * * * ing kidding me, Elmo?
- 1:25Speaker 2: Today, Sesame Street is brought to you by the letter
- 1:27Speaker 2: B for, you're a bitch. Surely, Elmo's fellow New Yorkers
- 1:36Speaker 2: responded to his wavering with our trademark grace and understanding.
- 1:43Speaker 3: New Yorkers didn't like that. They unleashed some fury on him,
- 1:46Speaker 3: blasting Elmo as a traitor, telling.
- 1:48Speaker 1: Him to pick a side.
- 1:49Speaker 3: The city's transportation department even threatened, don't make us take
- 1:53Speaker 3: this down, bro.
- 2:03Speaker 1: Happy, Elmo?
- 2:05Speaker 2: You're gonna make the New York Department of Transportation leap
- 2:08Speaker 2: into action and take that sign down 10 to 12
- 2:12Speaker 2: years from now. But to get his side of the story, well,
- 2:16Speaker 2: let's welcome the.
- 2:17Speaker 1: Muppet at the center of all this. Elmo, everybody, Elmo.
- 2:24Speaker 5: Yay!
- 2:26Speaker 3: Yay!
- 2:27Speaker 1: Hi, everyone. Hey, John, are you still mad at Elmo? Elmo,
- 2:36Speaker 1: you're a New Yorker. I'm just, I'm a little surprised
- 2:40Speaker 1: you're not all in on the Knicks.
- 2:42Speaker 5: Elmo can't help it. Elmo loves the Knicks and... Elmo
- 2:51Speaker 5: loves the spurs.
- 2:54Speaker 1: Elmo wants both.
- 2:55Speaker 5: Teams to have fun, try their hardest, and Elmo just
- 3:00Speaker 5: wants them both to hit the over.
- 3:03Speaker 2: Yay!
- 3:14Speaker 1: I'm sorry, did you just say hit the over? Yeah,
- 3:18Speaker 1: that's right, kids! The over!
- 3:21Speaker 4: That's why the number of the day is plus 216.5!
- 3:24Speaker 6: Yay!
- 3:29Speaker 4: Of course, the number seems heavy, given that it's been
- 3:32Speaker 4: a defensive series thus far.
- 3:34Speaker 5: Yay!
- 3:37Speaker 1: Elmo, do you gamble?
- 3:44Speaker 2: No, no, no, no.
- 3:46Speaker 4: This isn't a gamble. This is a lock.
- 3:51Speaker 5: And Elmo needs it to come in because Elmo has
- 3:56Speaker 5: been getting crushed by the unpredictable high school baseball scores.
- 4:01Speaker 2: Yay!
- 4:04Speaker 1: You can bet high school baseball on these apps? Oh, no.
- 4:09Speaker 5: Elmo banned from the apps. That's why Elmo bets with
- 4:19Speaker 5: Big Ricky.
- 4:22Speaker 1: He lives in a.
- 4:24Speaker 6: Part of Sesame Street Elmo had never been to before!
- 4:29Speaker 1: Yay! Elmo, I... This is stunning to me. This is shocking.
- 4:35Speaker 1: You need help.
- 4:37Speaker 5: Yeah.
- 4:39Speaker 4: Elmo do need help, Mr.
- 4:41Speaker 1: John. Elmo especially need.
- 4:44Speaker 4: Help from Josh Hart.
- 4:49Speaker 6: Because Josh Hart averaged 12 points during the regular season
- 4:55Speaker 6: on 51% shooting from the field, but less than two
- 4:59Speaker 6: points in the finals, ruining Elmo's play line!
- 5:07Speaker 1: How much money did you lose, Elmo?
- 5:13Speaker 4: Elmo can't count that high.
- 5:18Speaker 1: But Big Ricky can.
- 5:20Speaker 5: That's why Big Ricky had no choice but to break
- 5:24Speaker 5: Elmo's legs.
- 5:25Speaker 2: Look, look. He broke my legs.
- 5:29Speaker 1: He broke.
- 5:31Speaker 5: I can't use my legs anymore because.
- 5:34Speaker 1: Of Big Ricky.
- 5:37Speaker 4: Whee!
- 5:44Speaker 2: Elmo, you've got to turn this around. You've got to
- 5:47Speaker 2: get help. You're on a bad path.
- 5:50Speaker 1: No, no, no, Mr.
- 5:51Speaker 4: John. Elmo just on an unlucky streak. Elmo, turn this around.
- 5:55Speaker 6: Elmo just need a sure thing, like a prop bet
- 5:58Speaker 6: that can't go wrong.
- 5:59Speaker 1: Like, oh, is Mr.
- 6:02Speaker 4: John going to the game tonight?
- 6:06Speaker 1: Well, actually, Elmo, I will be there tonight.
- 6:12Speaker 3: Hmm.
- 6:13Speaker 4: That's what Polly Market think, too. And now that everyone
- 6:22Speaker 4: think Mr.
- 6:23Speaker 5: John going to game, Elmo make big prep bet, and
- 6:28Speaker 5: you miss game.
- 6:33Speaker 1: Right, Mr.
- 6:34Speaker 5: John?
- 6:34Speaker 1: Help Elmo out of Big Jam! Yay! Thank you, Mr.
- 6:38Speaker 5: John!
- 6:40Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Elmo. No f * * * ing way.
- 6:42Speaker 1: No way. I'm taking my son. We're going to the game.
- 6:46Speaker 1: We wouldn't miss this for anything in the world.
- 6:49Speaker 2: Please.
- 6:50Speaker 1: Oh, no, please. Please, Mr. John. Elmo can't go back
- 6:55Speaker 1: to the streets. No. Oh, Mr. John. You can't make it.
- 7:01Speaker 4: Elmo will do.
- 7:03Speaker 1: Elmo will do anything, Mr. John. Anything.
- 7:14Speaker 5: Anything, anything, Mr.
- 7:17Speaker 1: Joe. Please, please, I can make, I can make you
- 7:22Speaker 1: so happy. Elmo, Jesus, what are you doing? You're embarrassing yourself. Oh, oh,
- 7:32Speaker 1: you're not better than Elmo. Elmo will remember this. Elmo
- 7:35Speaker 1: will haunt your f * * * ing dreams. F
- 7:38Speaker 1: * * * you, Stuart. F * * * you.
- 7:42Speaker 1: Thank you, Elmo, everybody. Elmo.
- 7:46Speaker 2: But seriously, because Elmo's not going to beat the game,
- 7:49Speaker 2: but it is a hot ticket. So much so, even
- 7:52Speaker 2: the President of the United States has Nick's fever.
- 7:54Speaker 1: He's dyed his face Nick's orange, and.
- 7:59Speaker 1: And the back of his hands mix, let's say, purple.
- 8:05Speaker 2: The president's going to be attending the game this evening,
- 8:07Speaker 2: and New Yorkers couldn't be happier.
- 8:09Speaker 4: I swear to God, this is New York.
- 8:11Speaker 3: Everybody put up with Trump, bro.
- 8:12Speaker 1: Man, I'm not gonna ask for Trump. We're gonna boo
- 8:14Speaker 1: the out of you, bro.
- 8:21Speaker 2: You know, in New York, no matter what your race, color,
- 8:23Speaker 2: or creed, well, we all sound just a little Italian. Still,
- 8:31Speaker 2: as a New Yorker and a Knicks fan, like the
- 8:33Speaker 2: rest of us, he's probably been in a great mood
- 8:35Speaker 2: this weekend because of the series.
- 8:37Speaker 1: And he's looking forward to the game. At least the
- 8:39Speaker 1: press is crooked.
- 8:39Speaker 2: And so is ABC and CBS and CNN.
- 8:44Speaker 1: Your one-sided crooked network. Let's call it quits because I've
- 8:48Speaker 1: had enough. Thank you, darling. Have a good time. Holy sh...
- 8:56Speaker 1: Storming out because he didn't like the question?
- 8:58Speaker 4: Now....
- 9:00Speaker 2: You could view this as the hissy fit of an
- 9:03Speaker 2: incredibly fragile man baby whose paper-thin skin can't handle venturing
- 9:07Speaker 2: out of the sycophantic embrace of his tongue-bathing acolytes.
- 9:11Speaker 1: Or actually, I don't know how else you could view it.
- 9:15Speaker 1: It really is just that. It's sad. It's very sad.
- 9:21Speaker 2: It's sad because the interview with Kristen Welker of Meet
- 9:24Speaker 2: the Press began as more of a rom-com meet-cute.
- 9:27Speaker 7: As we're having this conversation, we can hear a little
- 9:30Speaker 7: bit of rain.
- 9:31Speaker 1: No, a lot of rain. A lot of rain. Is
- 9:32Speaker 1: that wind or what?
- 9:35Speaker 2: Nice rain. If you like pina colada of getting caught
- 9:51Speaker 2: The rain is sweet, as long as it's not accompanied
- 9:53Speaker 2: by scary sky booms.
- 9:55Speaker 1: Hear that sound? That sound of thunder, lightning? People will understand.
- 9:59Speaker 1: We're in a farm.
- 10:07Speaker 2: Sure, you city slickers with your lack of rain and
- 10:10Speaker 2: trans weather, whatever you have up there. And by the way,
- 10:14Speaker 2: when did Trump go to his stylist and go, hey,
- 10:18Speaker 2: give me the Hugh Grant Oompa Loompa?
- 10:24Speaker 1: But Trump was having a lovely time.
- 10:26Speaker 2: So how did it go from, look at us, having
- 10:28Speaker 2: a wonderful conversation in the rain, to you and the
- 10:31Speaker 2: network you wrote in on? Because the interview began like
- 10:34Speaker 2: so many other ones for Trump. Reasonable question, ridiculous answer.
- 10:38Speaker 1: Okay, fine.
- 10:39Speaker 7: Is this a war as long as there's a naval
- 10:41Speaker 7: blockade in place?
- 10:42Speaker 1: Well, we have a blockade. It's been extremely effective. And
- 10:45Speaker 1: you'll see things like you've never seen. The oil will
- 10:47Speaker 1: go down.
- 10:48Speaker 2: The stock market already, as you know, is at an
- 10:51Speaker 2: all-time high.
- 10:52Speaker 1: I don't consider that a war, but if you want
- 10:54Speaker 1: to define it as such, I guess you can. Well,
- 10:56Speaker 1: how do you define it? I don't define it at all.
- 10:58Speaker 1: I don't think about it. I just do what I
- 11:00Speaker 1: have to do. Sure, why not?
- 11:06Speaker 2: I believe it was William Tecumseh Sherman who said, War
- 11:09Speaker 2: is hell, I guess.
- 11:10Speaker 1: I don't really think about it.
- 11:15Speaker 2: But then we get to a moment when the heartland,
- 11:17Speaker 2: rain-swept rom-com becomes a man trapped in a barn with
- 11:20Speaker 2: his worst nightmare, a woman who won't stop asking pertinent questions.
- 11:27Speaker 5: Mr.
- 11:27Speaker 7: President, one of your consistent campaign promises was no new wars.
- 11:34Speaker 7: What changed? Because you insisted no new wars.
- 11:38Speaker 1: Well, I didn't guarantee no war.
- 11:40Speaker 2: Bullshit!
- 11:41Speaker 1: Listen... All of us who lived through.
- 11:45Speaker 2: His campaign know that he made that kind of a centerpiece.
- 11:51Speaker 1: He said this. Under Trump, we will have no more wars.
- 11:56Speaker 1: And he also said this. I'm not going to start
- 11:59Speaker 1: a war. I'm going to stop wars. Of course, he
- 12:02Speaker 1: also said this. I'll keep you out of wars. So
- 12:08Speaker 1: no wars again? We won't have wars again.
- 12:14Speaker 2: But this reporter on this day had the temerity to
- 12:18Speaker 2: mention to Donald Trump.
- 12:19Speaker 1: That, well, actually, he did say that all the time.
- 12:24Speaker 1: But you said it over and over again. Oh, shit.
- 12:34Speaker 2: She just lit the fuse on the bullshit bomb.
- 12:40Speaker 3: In the midst of the greatest stock market in history,
- 12:42Speaker 3: in the midst of the most successful country.
- 12:45Speaker 1: Ten, nine, eight. A couple of years ago, we were
- 12:50Speaker 1: a dead country. Now we have the hottest country anywhere
- 12:52Speaker 1: in the world. Seven, six, five.
- 12:57Speaker 2: You know, I gave farmers last term $ 28 billion because
- 13:01Speaker 2: China took advantage and other people.
- 13:04Speaker 1: And you know who paid for it? China. Four, three, two.
- 13:08Speaker 3: I built a thousand miles of wall on our southern border.
- 13:14Speaker 1: The election was rigged. It was a dirty election. Boom!
- 13:20Speaker 1: It was a dirty, rigged election. He went to it, folks.
- 13:26Speaker 1: He went to it.
- 13:27Speaker 2: The fail safe in case of journalism break glass. The
- 13:32Speaker 2: EpiPen in case you've been stung by reality. But finally,
- 13:36Speaker 2: in this instance, when he went to the rigged election, oh,
- 13:40Speaker 2: sweet Jesus, finally. his universal get-out-of-interview card didn't work.
- 13:46Speaker 7: You've never presented evidence that the 2020 election was rigged.
- 13:49Speaker 1: It's happening right now in California. Right now, look at
- 13:52Speaker 1: what's happening in California. Where's the evidence to that? Where's
- 13:55Speaker 1: the evidence? Trump's fail safe failed too safe. And now
- 14:01Speaker 1: he's left with but two options.
- 14:04Speaker 2: One, to reckon with the fact that his claims of
- 14:06Speaker 2: a 2020 stolen election have never survived even the slightest
- 14:10Speaker 2: of legal scrutiny. And that despite having six years and
- 14:12Speaker 2: his own Justice Department at his beck and call, he
- 14:15Speaker 2: has never presented a shred of credible evidence or even
- 14:18Speaker 2: a theory of a credible case as to how this
- 14:21Speaker 2: 2020 election was rigged.
- 14:23Speaker 1: Or he could do his second option. Smoke bomb! Let's
- 14:27Speaker 1: call it quits because I've had enough. Thank you, darling.
- 14:30Speaker 4: Have a good time. Why?
- 14:36Speaker 2: Now, we all know Trump's not actually going to leave
- 14:39Speaker 2: the building.
- 14:41Speaker 1: Because it's raining.
- 14:45Speaker 4: Out.
- 14:46Speaker 2: And as you know, moisture is the natural enemy of
- 14:55Speaker 2: the North American comb-over. But this is where Kristen Welker
- 15:01Speaker 2: nearly undoes all of the good work she did with
- 15:04Speaker 2: one of the worst pleas in the history of journalism.
- 15:08Speaker 5: Mr.
- 15:08Speaker 7: President, let's please, I traveled all the way to Wisconsin.
- 15:17Speaker 1: You can't leave, sir. I was in business class. Business.
- 15:24Speaker 4: Mr.
- 15:24Speaker 2: President, please, Wisconsin, Wheel of Fortune is on an hour
- 15:28Speaker 2: earlier here. These people are savages. Their Chinese restaurants only
- 15:35Speaker 2: serve Szechuan. No Cantonese to be found.
- 15:39Speaker 1: We'll all die of consumption. But you know what?
- 15:44Speaker 2: Maybe finally this moment will give journalists permission to not
- 15:48Speaker 2: back down, to not just leave it there and move on,
- 15:52Speaker 2: and to finally be honest about Trump's inability to be
- 15:57Speaker 2: challenged in the moment.
- 15:59Speaker 7: I spoke with President Trump on Saturday, and we both
- 16:02Speaker 7: acknowledged the complications during the interview posed by the rain.
- 16:07Speaker 1: You were inside! There was no challenge in the rain?
- 16:11Speaker 4: F * * * that!
- 16:12Speaker 1: No!
- 16:13Speaker 2: Donald Trump was not thrown off by the ambient noise
- 16:16Speaker 2: during the interview.
- 16:17Speaker 1: In fact, ambient farm rain is the least disruptive noise environment.
- 16:21Speaker 2: He conducts interviews and these are real clips of his
- 16:25Speaker 2: interviews that we have not edited the audio on at all.
- 16:28Speaker 1: Mr.
- 16:29Speaker 2: President, what are you doing over there?
- 16:30Speaker 1: Taking a little walk. We're having a big day.
- 16:33Speaker 5: We'll see how it all turns out.
- 16:34Speaker 1: We'll be.
- 16:39Speaker 2: All right, we made up the last one, but still,
- 16:54Speaker 2: the other ones are.
- 16:57Speaker 1: Real. The point is, he wasn't aggravated by the rain.
- 17:03Speaker 1: Donald Trump didn't storm out because of the rain. He
- 17:05Speaker 1: stormed out.
- 17:05Speaker 2: Because he was challenged, not because he was distracted. So
- 17:08Speaker 2: maybe it's time we stop making excuses for that man
- 17:12Speaker 2: in order to preserve access to his constant bullshit.
- 17:15Speaker 7: He agreed to sit down with me for another Meet
- 17:18Speaker 7: the Press interview.
- 17:21Speaker 1: Thank you. There you go.
- 17:25Speaker 2: And what are the odds that the result of that
- 17:27Speaker 2: interview will be any different.
- 17:31Speaker 1: Ooh. What are the odds that that happens?
- 17:35Speaker 2: No, Elmo, no! Don't!
- 17:38Speaker 1: Don't do it!
- 17:39Speaker 4: Come on!
- 17:40Speaker 1: Come on, Mr.
- 17:40Speaker 2: John!
- 17:41Speaker 1: Make the bet!
- 17:42Speaker 5: Float Elmo the money, Mr.
- 17:43Speaker 4: John!
- 17:44Speaker 1: Elmo, good for it! Once you go red, John!
- 17:47Speaker 4: Ah! Ah! Ah!