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Ignite Your Voice to Unleash Unique Charisma with Lauri Smith · The One Small Change Podcast

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Welcome again. I can't believe a week has gone by, but I am so
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thrilled that you're here to share in another One Small Change
0:07
podcast. I'm Yvonne McCoy, your host, and I bring
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almost 30 years of entrepreneurial experience and passion
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for discovering growth through the power of what seems like a
0:19
small change. So I'm so glad you're here with me, and I'm so
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glad that you're willing to take this journey and see what's
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going on. So one of the things that I like to say is
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that our guests have had a major have had lots
0:34
of changes, but they've come to share one of the ones that's
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important to them, something that was small and unexpected,
0:41
but sparked a remarkable transformation and growth either in their
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personal life or their professional life or both. And I have to
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tell you that this lady sparked a big change in my life
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very unexpectedly. I would like you to meet
0:56
Laurie Smith. Laurie, thank you so much for taking
0:59
time out of your schedule to do this.
1:03
We have only met recently, and you have changed my
1:07
life. So I wanna thank you for
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that. So that the audience can get to know
1:14
you a little bit better, tell them a little bit about what you do
1:18
and the small change that that helped you to do
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it. I am now the soulful
1:26
speaking coach. I help sensitive visionaries,
1:30
ambitious empaths, and loving rebels who are speaking
1:34
from TikToks to TEDToks and anything in between
1:38
for the sake of some mission that they're on.
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I help them to speak soulfully, which means that
1:46
they're authentic, they are themselves,
1:50
and they're also tapping into their innate one of a
1:54
kind charisma, which we all have.
1:58
And the one small change that came to me when
2:02
you asked me to do this is related to that.
2:07
Many years ago, probably 2004,
2:11
so 20 years ago, I was in my favorite
2:14
acting class ever. It was an intimate masterclass
2:19
style group at the Sideways Acting Studio in San Francisco.
2:24
And the headline of the story do you want the headline
2:28
or do you want more of the juicy? However you wanna
2:31
tell it. Alright. I'll I'll tell the juicy.
2:35
So, I had been an actor since I was 7 years
2:39
old, and there I
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was in the acting class doing an exercise.
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Most of the time, we would be up there with at least
2:50
one other person, possibly 4 people total. So, like, 8
2:54
people watching, 4 people up on stage working with his guidance.
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And on this day, I was up there all by myself.
3:02
And people were coming in kind of throwing different surprise
3:07
improvisational scenes at me, not to be funny, but
3:11
for the purpose of stretching my capacity.
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And I kept, like, doing that thing that we do as
3:18
humans to pull myself back together with
3:22
this kind of energetic armor in front of my heart and an emotional
3:26
mask and lots of jaw tension. And eventually, as he
3:29
did lovingly so many times with me over the years, he paused the
3:33
exercise and said, whatever that thing is you're doing in between the
3:37
scenes, stop doing it. And I
3:40
said, but I'm uncomfortable having everyone's eyes on
3:44
me. And he took off his glasses and he said, then you've picked
3:48
a strange set of careers for yourself. You're
3:51
an actor, a teacher, a speaker, a
3:55
leader. Part of you wants this.
3:59
Part of you knows you're meant to be here.
4:03
And it was like that cut straight through all
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of my soul suckers, my name for the inner critic.
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And even my inner critics trusted
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him by this point and the space that he held. And I knew he
4:19
was right in my heart and soul. So I stepped
4:22
back into the up the exercise, and I
4:26
actively chose to release my
4:29
energetic armor, to let go of that jaw tension and say
4:33
goodbye to the emotional masks. And as the
4:37
exercise continued, it was like layers
4:40
of protection and resistance that had been with me
4:44
for decades was melting away.
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And I felt like fire and ice at the same time.
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And at the end of the exercise, I looked out at my classmates
4:55
and I could see and feel what kind of day
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every single one of them was having.
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And I now call it my first moment of oneness that lasted
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beyond the acting because there's a way that you can have those moments all
5:10
the time when you're playing make believe with
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with your fellow actors. And what I now know
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the one small thing was, which is small, not
5:23
small, is that I made the choice to
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be seen instead of half seen, half not
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seen. It was like, really? No hiding at all. Here
5:34
is everything that's present for me in this moment.
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And I believe that that was a vital step
5:42
in sending me on the trajectory of
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getting a master's degree in theater and studying coaching and leadership
5:50
because that is what unleashes our one of a
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kind innate charisma. Being
5:57
seen, choosing to allow people to
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see us. And in doing that, then they see themselves
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in us, and they're moved by us, and they're willing to
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follow us if they align with us on the
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quests and the journeys and the purpose that we're here trying to
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fulfill. I I, you know, I think that's so
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important because as, you know, the people that I work
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with are entrepreneurs, and they're very good
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at what they do. Right? What they're not used to
6:32
is having to sell themselves, if I can use that word.
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And, you know, I don't like the word sales. I like
6:40
more the visibility, but they're not used to the
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visibility. They would rather be behind the scenes.
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And I think, you know, one of the same kind of
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situations that you had that that for me was
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really impactful was having to change
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jobs and saying, I'm
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gonna just say I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know the
7:06
answer. I'm gonna be okay with not having the correct answer, which
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I had been my armor for so long, being intelligent
7:14
and being smart and having the right answer. And I just
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remember how it was like a weight was lifted off my
7:21
shoulder. The first time I said, I don't know
7:25
what you guys are talking about. Mhmm. This is this is
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it was it was actually to put together a curriculum for workforce
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with some very academic people who went on for, like, an hour and a
7:37
half about this stuff. And when they they when they were finished, they
7:41
said to me, what do you think? And I said, I don't have a clue
7:44
what you're talking about. Do you
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know? And they were like, well, how would you do it? And I go, this
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is the starting point. This is the end point. These are the steps you need
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to get from here to here. Mhmm. And they went, oh my god.
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That usually takes us 3 days to come up with that.
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And it was the first time that I felt like my
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weirdness had value. Yeah.
8:09
Yeah. Same here. I always felt like I was weird because
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I I always could feel what other
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people were feeling. I
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really tapped into the superpower and started to own it on that
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day when I was like, wow. Like, this is part of what makes me an
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amazing actor. This is part of what makes me a good speaker and a facilitator
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and a coach. And yet growing up, I felt like the weird one in
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the family. Mhmm. Because I was feeling things and knowing things
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and sensing things that nobody else was talking about, or at
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times in my life, saying, like, you're too
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much in one way or another because you're feeling what
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everyone in the room you're tapped in and you're feeling there's 10
8:53
people in the room and you're feeling what 10 people are feeling and you don't
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know how to harness it. Other people are telling you to, like, not
9:00
feel it and stuff it down instead of learning how to
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wave it like a magic wand. Well, I think, you
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know, I I find
9:11
myself going back to the idea that our educational
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system is based on an industrial model. You know, we're meant
9:19
to be followers. We're meant to follow the instructions. And so
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anybody that does something a little bit different, you know, part of,
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you know, part of the thing that we get from our family is,
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you know, I say to keep us safe. So don't color outside the line.
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Cows can't be purple. You know, that kind of stuff. So you're
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embedded with that, and anything that seems like it's
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not constructed seems strange. So I you
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know, I'm the first to tell you that I I am it's hard for
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me to think in terms of lulu. Mhmm.
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So for entrepreneurs that are going, this is a little bit,
9:57
you know, wishy washy for me. What would you say
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can you give some examples of how entrepreneurs
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actually do use this and how they can get more in tune
10:08
with it? Mhmm. Using the the
10:12
small change of choosing to be seen? Yeah.
10:16
Yeah. There's seen, but being seen as themselves, not
10:19
just showing up the way some marketing person tells them to show
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up. Yeah. Yeah.
10:27
Sharing their story is one that I'm you
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know, lots of very good business coaches tell
10:34
people one way or another. Sharing your story, whether
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you do it verbally or whether you do it in writing, personal
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stories about how you triumphed in the
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area that you're now helping other people with is one
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way that I see people hiding from all the time. And
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I and people will say to me, I
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know everybody says that, and I don't understand
11:00
why anyone would want to hear that from me. Or they
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wanna give the version of the story that's like,
11:08
a little bit of the introduction, and then they skip what is known
11:12
as act 2 in the theater, the the
11:15
part where it's hard. They just wanna go, this is what was
11:19
going on, and then, if it's The Wizard of Oz, you know, there I was
11:23
living my life in Kansas, and then this tornado came and took me to another
11:27
world. And then everything was roses and sunshine, and I went back home, and
11:30
it was great. They don't wanna go into the details of the
11:34
hard part. And the details of the hard part
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is where people know, like, and trust
11:42
you because you are willing to be vulnerable.
11:45
It's where they understand that you are like the
11:49
Yoda for them, that you empathize
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with them, that you understand
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their pain. And what happens is if I'm
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telling my story, people out there are making
12:04
them selves the hero or the heroine of my story. They're
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going, I've felt that too. That's possible
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for me too. That's one
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huge way. And sometimes people think they're sharing the story,
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but they're still kind you know, I was up on the stage acting,
12:24
and I still was doing this on some level.
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At the very least, I had, like, a veil in front, and
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at other times, I had downright armor hiding me.
12:35
I I've had 2 incredible
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experiences, like, in the last couple months,
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that have showed me how much I've been
12:47
hiding. For those of you that know my story, I
12:51
often say I lost a £150. What I didn't
12:54
say is that I was almost homebound and I weighed 440
12:59
pounds. And I also had another podcast
13:03
guest who basically said he made so many of his
13:06
decisions based on the fact that he stuttered. And I realized how
13:10
many decisions I was making so that
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I was not being visible, that my whole self was not being
13:17
visible. And, you know,
13:21
doing videos on Zoom doing during COVID made it even
13:25
worse because you can only see me from the head up or, you know, the
13:28
shoulders up. And so between
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that podcast and being in your workshop, I actually posted
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a full a full picture of myself for the
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first time in forever. Mhmm. And
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actually started getting into, as you say, into the non
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sanitized version of it. Mhmm. You know?
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And, if you don't mind, I'll tell the the
13:53
the incident I had at your soulful
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open mic. I had a child this is probably jumping from one
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to the other, but I had a childhood situation where I
14:04
practiced a speech with a drama coach, my English coach,
14:08
for months that was memorized, and I hated to
14:12
go last because I didn't like see other people make their mistakes.
14:15
And, you know, I got up on the stage to give the talk and something
14:19
in my brain glitched, and I totally forgot the talk.
14:23
And I said, like, the first, you know, the first phrase and have no
14:27
idea what I said after that. But I came off the screen off
14:31
the stage crying because I I didn't know what I said.
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And my teacher said, you did a great job. Nobody knew
14:40
that you forgot your speech. And after that, I absolutely,
14:44
you know, did not write I mean, I did bullet points, but I did not
14:48
write speeches because I didn't wanna forget it. And I had an opportunity
14:52
to go to Laurie's workshop and decided to read something.
14:57
And I have to also tell you that as a kid, I couldn't read. So
15:00
reading out loud has always been a scary thing for me even as an
15:04
adult. Anyway, so we get to the workshop. I'm so
15:07
excited, you know, that I'm gonna try something new, and
15:11
Laurie does some of her acting
15:14
production stuff, and I'm about to read something.
15:18
And honest to god, my
15:23
I was so terrified. I had not felt that way since I was in
15:26
9th grade, and we're talking multi decades ago.
15:31
But it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. And so,
15:34
you know, shedding that outside, you know, finding the
15:38
things that are holding you back. And the thing
15:42
is, that was something as a
15:45
child that I don't have to be afraid of
15:48
now at all. I mean, and
15:52
and and, you know, just to release that,
15:56
I don't know, that anchor or whatever, you know, you wanna, you know
16:01
so, what it, yeah, what it
16:04
seems like to me happened is
16:08
it's like the the fear and the terror
16:13
from when you were in 9th grade came back.
16:17
Oh, yeah. And it's probably been
16:20
stored in your body the whole time. And when you
16:24
started breathing and showing up differently, what I
16:27
usually tell people is the way out is through. You can't suppress it
16:31
and unleash your one of a kind radiance. It's
16:35
about breathing and being present
16:39
and going through it. And that's what you so
16:42
courageously did in that moment in the soulful speaking
16:46
open mic. As you felt it come up, you actually said aloud
16:49
what was happening for you, and then you went ahead and
16:53
talked to the whole room, and what happens is, you know, there's that phrase, what
16:57
you resist persists. Mhmm. If you stop resisting
17:00
it, it has the chance to move. And it moved for you in, I
17:04
think, what was like a 2 minute speaking moment.
17:08
It shifted a little or a lot. Well, for me, it shifted
17:12
a lot. I mean, so it was kinda like somebody took the cork off a
17:15
bottle and it Yeah. You know?
17:19
Yeah. I I kinda wanna take us back to people who are saying, I don't
17:22
know what these people are talking about. Yeah. You
17:26
know? I think
17:29
the reason that this is so important again,
17:33
I'm going back to the industrial age. It we have
17:36
moved from having to be an expert and have
17:41
a massive amount of information to a place in the
17:44
informational age where information is available everywhere and people need to
17:48
know how to use it. And you
17:52
people need to when they can have so many
17:55
multiple choices, they need to be able to trust you.
17:59
And when they see that you're
18:03
open, that you are,
18:07
you've done gone through some of the same things that they've gone through,
18:12
that you are not you know, what
18:15
I used to say to people is don't put yourself on a pedestal because you'll
18:19
only get knocked off. I mean, one of the things I always say is I
18:22
don't know all the answers. You know, 1, because I'm not that
18:26
smart, and 2, because the answers keep changing. But I will help
18:29
you find it. If I don't know it, I will help you find them.
18:33
Right? We'll both be smarter for that. And that
18:37
takes a huge weight off. And and I think when you can
18:41
be yourself, your head sticks up above the
18:44
crowd where the people that are better clients
18:48
for you, the people who need what you have. And when
18:52
people need what you have, they're willing to pay more for it. So you
18:56
can actually work less, let work less hard.
19:00
Mhmm. Have more fun and make more money. That's why
19:04
this is important. Yeah. Absolutely. And
19:08
you you mentioned the industrial era a couple of times.
19:11
I believe that most of the speaking training that people
19:15
are being exposed to, it has its
19:19
roots in the industrial era. Leaders,
19:23
air quotes, back when, you know, we were in the industrial
19:26
explosion were managers on factory floors who all needed
19:30
to look the same, say the exact same things, and that's not where
19:34
we are anymore. And a lot of
19:38
people who are starting businesses today, they're doing so
19:42
because they have something unique to bring to the market.
19:48
And another small change or a clarification on the small change
19:51
that occurred to me in part because of your story is that
19:55
it's sort of like, where do you where are you
19:59
holding back? And what you
20:03
did was you went toward where you were holding back. You took a
20:06
full body picture of yourself. For me, it was this
20:10
sensation of physical tension and kind of walling myself
20:14
off. That's a real
20:18
key for people because if they notice where there's a
20:21
voice kind of nudging them forward, but they're holding
20:25
back, Or what do you think is weird about yourself?
20:30
And turn it around and understand
20:33
that that thing that you think is weird is
20:37
actually the thing that makes you unique and different, and it's the thing that your
20:41
clients are going to be attracted to. But you have to
20:45
find the ways to kind of expand into it, whether it's taking a full
20:49
body picture of yourself or telling your story or
20:53
I don't know what it is, but I'm guessing people listening have a, like, oh,
20:56
shoot. I know what it is for me. Go toward
21:00
it. Go toward it. Go toward it. Go toward it.
21:04
I I tell people to think about the things that your
21:07
family say to you. The the negative thing, which is like,
21:12
oh, she always does this or she oh, of
21:16
course, she did that. I mean, your family thinks that it's
21:19
weird and it makes you not fit in, but it is the thing that makes
21:23
you fantastic. I mean Yeah. So
21:27
in my family, one of the things that, people
21:30
always talk about is that I tend I I fix problems.
21:35
Okay. I come up with solutions, practical solutions for people.
21:39
Mhmm. And they're like, you know and and the bad side of
21:43
that is that, you know, my kids will say my as they were growing up,
21:46
they'd say, mom, You know, they would call and say, I'm
21:50
sick. And I'd say, did you take something for this?
21:54
And they would say, mom, say, I'm sorry that you don't feel
21:58
well. You know, you know, how long has it been you know, show a
22:02
little empathy, you know. But I'm like, hey. Got a problem? Do something about
22:05
it. You know? Mhmm. But I'm very practical. Right?
22:09
I want you to get results. But, you know,
22:13
you have kinda, you know, a muscle that's used too much can still be a
22:16
bad thing. But Yeah. But if you see the thing that
22:20
makes you I mean, I've learned that my sense of humor
22:24
is kinda wicked at times, but I enjoy it and
22:28
peep my best clients enjoy it. And so Yeah. Instead of trying to
22:31
be so professional and, you know Yeah. Go with
22:35
it. Right? Yeah. Yeah. And even your
22:38
the not knowing that you said happened,
22:43
I feel like that's how when you own that and
22:47
somebody's talking to you about their business or they're planning a class
22:51
and it doesn't make any sense to you, it helps you
22:54
help them make it make sense. Like, if they're trying to market
22:59
and you don't understand it, then I'm not gonna understand it, and I might be
23:02
their ideal soulmate customer. Yeah. And you made
23:06
me remember a moment with one of my mentors, Katherine Fitzmaurice.
23:10
She was a voice teacher. We were working on Shakespeare monologues,
23:14
and I'm sitting in the corner of the room feeling like an imposter
23:17
because these people are doing these Shakespeare monologues, and everybody else in
23:21
the room seems to know every single
23:25
word that wrote by heart and understand it,
23:29
and I don't. And I'm, like, sitting there, like, hiding,
23:33
feeling like a fraud. And, eventually, she
23:36
says, I don't understand it. And that's
23:40
how I'm a barometer for the audience. If I don't understand you, there's
23:44
a problem. So I go in and we work on what I don't
23:47
understand. And by the time we're done, hopefully, I understand it, which
23:51
means your audience will understand it. And my mind felt like it
23:55
blew all over the ceiling because she let
23:59
me know in that moment that sometimes my not knowing,
24:03
instead of pretending I knew, it was, well, if I don't know,
24:06
then your average audience who's never heard a word of Shakespeare is really
24:10
not gonna know. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. I hate to do
24:13
this, but could you and I think could, you know,
24:17
could just keep going on. So I wanna make sure that you tell
24:21
everybody what your freebie is for them.
24:24
Yes. I have a quiz. It
24:28
is, the soul sucker quiz. So you take the quiz
24:32
and you find out which soul soul sucker, aka inner
24:35
critic, is actually holding you back from
24:39
stepping into the charismatic speaker that you were born to
24:42
be. And not only this, that's probably also
24:46
gonna be the the charismatic coach or,
24:50
you know, healer, whatever that you were meant to be.
24:54
So,
24:57
let me do this just to make sure we don't run out of time.
25:02
We've got the free gift, so I want make sure everybody takes advantage of that.
25:06
The other thing that I like to ask my guests was when was the last
25:09
time that you did something for the first time?
25:15
What have I done for the first time recently?
25:21
I went to Paris for the first time for my honeymoon.
25:25
That was in 2022. I think I've probably done something in between now and then,
25:28
but Paris was, like, on the horizon for
25:32
many, many, many years, and it was it was
25:36
amazing. Yeah. Okay.
25:40
So whether it's travel or whether you get up and
25:44
speak at a time when you feel scared,
25:48
you know, we can always do something new for the first time.
25:52
So just to make sure that I do the things that I'm supposed to do,
25:55
make sure you subscribe and share this, and I wanna make sure that,
26:00
you take away the things that can really help you in your business.
26:04
And it's my way to kinda give back to the community to help you to
26:08
grow your business and grow your impact. Because if you're
26:11
hiding, if you're letting something in your
26:14
background hold you from getting out in front of other people, it's gonna be
26:18
really hard for you to, have the impact that you want.
26:22
And so I'm really glad that you joined me for the one small
26:25
change. And, Laurie, do you have any,
26:29
like, last words you wanna give everybody? I
26:33
think my last word of,
26:36
I'll I'll share. I want your
26:40
listeners to know that their voice matters.
26:44
Mhmm. And
26:47
one way to help themselves, whether it's
26:51
speaking or in life, when they feel like something is
26:54
off or they're freezing is to breathe.
26:59
And I mean, literally, if I could go back in time to the 9th grade
27:02
version of you who froze up and whispered in your
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ear, inhale.
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Inspire is one of my favorite words in the English language because when
27:14
we inspire air, we also tend to get inspired with
27:18
our thoughts. And feeling like we have nowhere
27:21
to go and we're stuck turns into, woah,
27:25
options, possibilities are flooding in as
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I inhale. That
27:33
really hits a chord with me. So our time is running out,
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and I wanna make sure that you remember that change can be
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simple, but it's not always easy. And it requires
27:44
courage, resilience, and a willingness to step outside your comfort
27:48
zone. And so I hope that you will join me again for
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another One Small Change where we embark on a journey of bold vision
27:55
and innovative possibilities. And until then, till I see
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you next week, enjoy what Lori brought you, and thanks
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for joining us. Thank you, Lori. Thank you.