Latest / Finding New Waters / Tom Farley on Recovery, Chris Farley’s Legacy, and Building a Life Beyond the Spotlight

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Tom Farley on Recovery, Chris Farley’s Legacy, and Building a Life Beyond the Spotlight · Finding New Waters

0:00
So this journey of addiction, but it also shows this like this
0:03
person that's inside all of us that wants to get out and wants
0:07
people to see. And I'm glad that we got to show
0:10
that for Grissom. And I, I guess maybe that was
0:14
that, that that helps me in my recovery to because you know,
0:18
like he wasn't able to complete that and do that.
0:23
I can't for both of us, really. All right.
0:28
Welcome back everybody to another episode of Finding New
0:31
Waters. My name is Bea Reeves.
0:33
I'm the Director of Business Development here at New Waters
0:35
Recovery in Raleigh, NC Sitting here with our CEO, Justin
0:39
McClendon and our very special guest today from Madison, WI and
0:44
recovery.com, my new buddy, Tom Farley.
0:48
How you doing man? I'm doing great, man.
0:51
Yeah, we are. We've had a lot of fun this
0:55
summer. So yeah, this is thanks for.
0:59
Happy to be on here. And yeah.
1:03
Glad you're here, man. And so you're you are you do
1:07
some podcasting, right? Yeah.
1:10
You know, I, I, I have, I have done some hosting before.
1:15
I've done a lot of podcast. I'm really good on this side of
1:17
the answering questions. You know, it's hard, but you
1:23
know, I was doing a lot for recovery.com, but two things
1:26
happened. First of all, I'm travelling
1:28
everywhere doing so much outreach and the 2nd is my Co
1:33
host Bretney got got really good and I like didn't need me.
1:38
And so I may step back here and here and there for the for an
1:44
interesting guest. But our our podcast is going
1:49
really well. Recovery cast is one of them.
1:51
We have several of them, but yeah, it was interesting being a
1:56
being a host. Yeah, well, I, it's funny, right
2:00
before I saw you in person in Madison, a friend of mine I went
2:04
to college with at the University of Georgia, who will
2:07
remain nameless, obviously, but he, she had come to New Waters.
2:11
And, you know, we, you know, we helped her out and, you know,
2:14
I'd seen her in like 20 years and she's been doing great.
2:16
And she said, you know, I was on recovery.com podcasts and I was
2:22
like, that's unbelievable, That's amazing, 'cause she, I
2:24
guess they had come across her somehow, some way.
2:27
And they interviewed her for her own story, which is just so
2:30
cool. In another full circle moment,
2:32
which, you know, my life is so full of these days.
2:34
Yeah. Well, all I can tell you is, you
2:37
know, we started out with these really amazing guests.
2:41
So if she's part of that, you know, people that we've already
2:45
talked to, like it's been amazing, you know, our, our, our
2:49
person that finds these, you know, our social media guru has
2:54
just hit it out of the park. You know, we're having amazing
2:59
discussions with people that are either either new into the
3:03
recovery or down the road a bit. So the fact that one of them,
3:08
someone of our guests who had this great story started there
3:14
says a lot about. Yeah, I love it.
3:17
Well, so you, I mean, I know a little bit about recovery.com
3:20
where, you know, I just came up and I was spent time with you at
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your own conference. I mean, and in Madison, I was
3:26
lucky, I'd never been to Madison.
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What a beautiful, beautiful place.
3:30
And so how did you end up in this spot and how'd you end up
3:34
getting sober? How?
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Give us a little quick back story.
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Oh, man, you know, I thought I had a nice career going in New
3:41
York as a marketing director and being all creative.
3:46
But, you know, I, I was a typical, you know, we had a long
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family history. We had, you know, I'm Irish.
3:53
You know, I lived when it was, I grew up in Wisconsin.
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Yeah, there was just, that was a really perfect storm.
3:59
But then, of course, I, you know, the life event happened,
4:04
Yeah. When my brother Chris, you know,
4:09
overdosed very publicly. My brother being Chris Farley.
4:15
And you know, that was a surreal experience.
4:19
And I I was very lucky in that the first thing that came into
4:24
my mind is I got to talk about this.
4:27
I got to, I got to, you know, deal with this grief and this
4:30
loss. You know, I, I knew I had to
4:33
talk about it, but but there is, you know, there is that that
4:38
addictive kind of mindset in me that said I also want the
4:42
attention, you know, and keep that going.
4:46
So to be very, very fully honest, there is some ego in
4:49
that too. But I did that.
4:51
I went out and talked about Chris's story and trying to help
4:55
other people and I developed some really interesting, you
4:58
know, innovative programs for, for teens, young adults and
5:06
thought I was doing really well. But, you know, again, it was
5:09
somebody else's story and I would have these bouts of
5:13
sobriety because I would say like, you know, maybe I
5:16
shouldn't be doing this work and continue to drink like I like I
5:20
did. Or maybe I, you know, should
5:22
just not drink anyway. And so I would have bits of
5:26
sobriety, big chunks, like 4-5 years thinking that that's all I
5:30
needed to do. And yet I was still kind of not
5:34
going anywhere and having problems and I did, I thought it
5:39
was just, I just had to stop drinking and I would go into, I
5:43
wouldn't go into, you know, all the minor stuff.
5:45
But basically when I moved back to Wisconsin, I had started
5:51
doing work with teens and their IO PS and people in treatment.
5:55
And that was really I, I loved going from prevention to
5:59
treatment. I for some reason, I felt more
6:01
kind of, you know, that was a better place for me in treatment
6:05
and recovery, but I yet I wasn't there myself, skipped forward a
6:11
bunch of years later, you know, a friend of mine who I had done
6:14
work with a clinician that I didn't work with before, just we
6:19
became good friends. She called me up one day and
6:21
said just to connect how you doing?
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And I said, like, I'm doing, I'm doing great.
6:27
Because of that time. I, I got tired of the same old
6:30
thing and I stopped drinking and which is the only thing I knew
6:34
how to do. I said, I I haven't had a drink
6:36
in four months, expecting a lot more applause than I got.
6:41
And she said that's that. Well, that's fantastic.
6:44
She said, let's have coffee. I'd love to, and let's connect.
6:46
I'm like, God, I, yeah, I'd love that connection.
6:50
And she said, wait, let's meet Saturday morning, 9:00 in the
6:54
basement of the Presbyterian Church.
6:56
I'm like, oh man, I know where this is going.
6:59
And I'm like, but this was this person who had helped so many
7:03
people in our community. I'm like, how do you say no to
7:06
that? It was it was kind of my first
7:07
higher power that I surrounded to.
7:09
And I said to shell my friend Shelley, I'm like, OK, I'll go.
7:13
And I instead of hearing when I had gone to a meeting before and
7:20
saying, Oh, that person drinks more than me.
7:22
I don't I don't need to be here. I started hearing like, wow,
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I've had broken relationships like this person.
7:29
I've had job loss like this person.
7:31
Like this isn't about drinking, isn't it?
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Like I, I had this all wrong. I just knew that I, I found out
7:37
that I had to be either the clarity of sobriety to, to do
7:41
all these wonderful things. And I, I haven't looked back
7:44
since. That was, you know, almost seven
7:46
years ago. Yeah.
7:47
Love it. That's amazing.
7:49
Well, to just sort of tie a personal note on this, I, I in
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2008, I was living in New York. I've been living there since O 4
8:00
And I was, I was a, a fan of Chris Farley big time, you know,
8:04
and, and part of me, I think kind of without ever admitting
8:07
it was like, I kind of want to be like this.
8:10
And, you know, he had already died when I was living there.
8:11
I mean, and I was, I was, I was heading that direction without
8:15
the fame and fortune, I think without not having the fortune
8:18
and the fame kept me probably alive more than I realized at
8:20
the time. But anyway, but this somebody
8:22
gave me a book for Christmas called the Chris Farley Show and
8:27
I read it immediately, you know, and it back then, I mean, it was
8:30
kind of a feat for me to read a book just because I was had
8:33
other interests and my priorities were so out of whack
8:35
and couldn't really focus and all that.
8:37
But I read this thing in, you know, a sitting or three
8:41
probably and just remember thinking like this is
8:44
unbelievable. He what a because I knew how
8:46
amazingly talented and funny he was, but learning all this kind
8:50
of back story about what a benevolent sweet guy he was.
8:53
And you know, I don't even think I've told you this, Tom.
8:57
But you know, when I, when I thought about that a little bit
8:59
more, I think that reading that book, which I later realized was
9:03
written by you, Tom Farley, kind of helped me on my, my, my
9:10
sobriety journey more than I realized.
9:12
Because knowing that, that that dichotomy of him being so
9:18
extreme and, and kind of loud and boisterous and, and funny,
9:23
but also having this very sweet side that, you know, he didn't
9:26
publicize, you know, I think that all of that, I kind of, I
9:31
kind of kept that in the back of my mind.
9:33
But anyway, the book was amazing for so many reasons.
9:37
And then, you know, I had, we had sort of met, I think I met
9:40
you very briefly at Global Exchange right before the
9:42
hurricane got us all evacuated. But we've never really talked.
9:45
And then when I was going to this conference, you know, I saw
9:49
that in, you know, in the the writing about you that you had
9:51
written that book. And I did not know that until
9:53
very recently. And so we got to talk about
9:55
that. And yeah, just talk about that
9:58
side of things if you would. Wow.
10:00
Man, I, I got to tell you, if I had written that book
10:04
personally, it would have been completely different because I
10:07
would, I didn't know I was carrying around so many things
10:10
like you do when you have somebody close to you that has
10:15
an addiction. You carry with you all, you
10:17
know, and all the emotions, you know, anger, frustration,
10:24
badness, you know, hope, all that kind of stuff.
10:28
And I had that all bottled in with this with Chris.
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And, but the way we wrote it was we interviewed all people that
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knew Chris from growing up in Wisconsin to going to college at
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Marquette, to Second City and Chicago, SNL and Hollywood.
10:46
And through these interviews, I, I realized, Oh my gosh, these
10:51
people knew Chris better than more than I did.
10:54
Or they saw things that I couldn't see because, you know,
11:00
I started out having to share bedroom with Chris.
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So I carried that trauma with me.
11:08
So I, I like to say I have a better relationship with Chris
11:12
now, you know, since he passed away from, from this book than I
11:16
ever did when he was alive because I, I was able to
11:19
separate the addictive brother to this brother that I love.
11:23
And that's been a journey too. And, you know, and, and you know
11:26
what, what, what it was similarities between Chris and
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I, you know, having. So yeah, that was an amazing
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journey. And, and, and, you know, to, you
11:40
know, to support what you just said, like it was also named way
11:47
back then by BuzzFeed as one of the best books for young adult,
11:53
young people in recovery because it does show it like it, you
11:57
know, it shows, you know, this journey of addiction, but it
12:00
also shows us like this person that's inside all of us that
12:04
wants to get out and wants people to see.
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And I'm glad that we got to show that for Chris and, and I, I
12:12
guess maybe that was that, that that helps me in my recovery to
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'cause, you know, like he wasn't able to complete that and do
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that I can for both of us, really.
12:25
There you go. I love that.
12:27
I think that's true though. I mean, what you just said just
12:29
kind of struck A chord with me because I think that's there's a
12:32
lot of truth in that for a lot of people, especially, you know,
12:35
individuals that are struggling with with substance use is
12:39
exactly that. There's kind of like these two
12:41
people, right? It's kind of like, you know, the
12:42
person that is, you know, or there is maybe the addiction or
12:45
the face of the addiction, right, if we want to call it
12:47
that. And then there's typically like
12:49
this other person inside, right? You know this person that you
12:53
know has morals and values and cares about their self and other
12:56
people, but it just tends to get kind of tampered down I think
12:59
because of other things become more important.
13:02
Yeah, one of the one of the favorite things I like to say
13:04
is, you know, it was true for me.
13:07
And like when I started really kind of seeing that, and I
13:11
absolutely was true for Chris, is that we could be in the
13:15
middle of a bar, let's be honest, in the middle of a bar
13:21
surrounded by people, center of attention, making everyone laugh
13:25
and not feeling more like we were standing on the surface of
13:29
the moon. Like why?
13:31
Like I will give the people what they want, who they want me to
13:35
be and what they expect, but I, it's not me.
13:40
I know that I don't know how to show them that they don't want
13:43
that for me, but I want them to see that.
13:45
And, you know, for so long, Chris and I, I think both
13:51
struggled with that. And in recovery, I don't have to
13:54
do that, you know, And actually one of the things that I like to
13:58
say is when I started to really work, I'm recovering, realizing
14:03
that I was putting this person out to the world that I thought
14:07
they wanted me to be, that I, I needed to be.
14:11
And I started to work on things like gratitude and rigorous
14:18
honesty and humility. And I started to really, you
14:21
know, dig deep in those areas. I realize that like the person I
14:25
was putting out to the world, that person could never be
14:30
grateful or truly or, or rigorously honestly, even humble
14:35
because that wasn't a real person.
14:38
That wasn't me. I, you know, only I can be that
14:41
person and I'm not showing them that people that.
14:44
So now I get to show this authentic person who's doing all
14:47
these things, being rigorously honest, being grateful, being
14:51
humble. And I mean, I'm suddenly getting
14:56
the connection that I desperately wanted and trying so
14:59
hard for and not get and not getting, not achieving it.
15:03
I'm getting it now, yeah. That's such a great point.
15:05
I've never really thought about it like that.
15:06
How that that that character Mike, you know, sometimes, I
15:11
mean, I was somebody was talking to me yesterday and I kind of
15:13
used the word, I used the word mascot to describe the way I was
15:16
when I was in college into my 20s and even early 30s before
15:19
getting sober. I mean, and, you know, and and
15:23
yeah, that person, that persona rather doesn't have a soul, you
15:26
know, and and and is or was incapable of having humility and
15:31
gratitude, just like you said. That's such a great point.
15:33
I've never thought about it exactly that.
15:35
And but the I just thought of this too.
15:37
I mean, the title of the book, The Chris Farley Show, was also
15:42
the title of that show on Saturday Night Live.
15:45
Where he kind? Of played like that really
15:47
sweet, sheepish, innocent version of himself, which I
15:50
guess was probably like that the thing, the person, real person
15:54
we're talking about here, right? Oh, man, BI never thought of
15:58
that. I that's an easy connection
16:00
between the skit and, you know, but like, yeah, it was a show.
16:04
Oh my gosh, that that's amazing. Yeah, You it it just like I I
16:10
had my show. Yeah.
16:11
Wow. Well, yeah.
16:13
And then I guess the double entendre would be like the Chris
16:15
Farley show that I'm out there, you know, showcasing the mascot,
16:20
the, you know, that that persona.
16:23
But yeah, I mean, that's neat. Yeah.
16:26
Well, so you, we, I want to get back to the book in a minute
16:30
because there's some other news around that.
16:32
But so you, we've talked about this.
16:34
You also, you went to boarding school in New England, like I
16:36
did, and we had some similar stories there.
16:38
And then you went to to Georgetown, right?
16:42
Yeah. What were you like in college?
16:45
You know, I so I went to Georgetown.
16:48
It was one of these things like, yeah, you know, I'm, you know,
16:52
named that for my father. My father went to Georgetown.
16:55
So I had to go to Georgetown and my, he was a businessman.
16:58
I'd be in business. I, I, I, you know, admired all
17:02
these things. So I thought I had to do these
17:05
things. And getting into Georgetown was,
17:07
was one of them. But once I got there, I'm like,
17:12
do I really belong here? I mean, like I, I always thrived
17:19
surrounded by really smart, overachieving people.
17:23
You know, they, they are motivated by that.
17:25
But I was also like, I don't, I, I'm out of my depth here.
17:29
What was interesting is I like to say I, I, I one year prep
17:35
school out in Rhode Island, You know, I learned like that was my
17:40
entire, my entire high school career, But I, I moved back to
17:45
Wisconsin for my senior year in high school and it was such a
17:48
cakewalk. So I went from like, I like, I
17:51
love this, the rigor and the intelligence and the curiosity,
17:55
but it was a little overwhelming for me.
17:57
I felt like a fraud and I got back to Wisconsin and I just
18:02
sailed through effortlessly with just, you know, my grades went
18:06
through the roof because it was like, I already, you know, I did
18:10
the high work. I coasted because, you know, I
18:13
felt, you know, yeah, I don't know what that I just it was
18:19
easier for me to to feel like, you know, this isn't, you know,
18:25
I, I don't, I don't need to compete.
18:28
This is easy. But I then I went back to
18:31
Georgetown, right back to that like, so I I would, I would fall
18:36
back on what I was good on, good at, which was humor.
18:40
I was everyone loved me. I was very far and I'm from
18:46
Wisconsin, so, you know, I, I, I took it upon myself to show them
18:52
what a professional drunker looked like.
18:54
And so I leaned on those two things instead of this, this
19:01
intellectual curiosity that I, that I thrived on, but it scared
19:04
me. So I fell back on laughter and
19:08
drinking. And then you moved to New York
19:12
and worked in finance, right? And you were kind of like an
19:15
Upper East Side NY guy, right? And then all of a sudden you
19:18
have your little brother who's on Saturday Night Live living in
19:21
the city. I mean, what was that like?
19:23
Well, that was fun, you know, for both of us, certainly.
19:27
And again, what was I doing in New York like in finance?
19:30
I hated math, but I loved, I loved the, the, the look and
19:37
feel that all my friends from college were up there.
19:40
So it was kind of like it it, you know, one of the first
19:44
things I heard in recovery in the rooms was actions before
19:49
result. And I was living my life like,
19:52
no, I want the result first. I'm not going to, you know, I'm
19:55
not going to work through the actions for that.
19:57
I wanted to be, you know, on Wall Street.
20:00
I wanted to be in the Upper East Side.
20:02
I wanted the bigger apartment. And I never had that and I
20:04
always but, but Chris came in and again, it was just.
20:10
You know, I went to the shows. It was fun, but again, I was
20:14
kind of, you know, I kind of put the put the the the fear and the
20:20
hard work that I was, you know, that the fear that I was
20:24
experiencing and the hard work that I was avoiding, you know,
20:27
Chris distracted from that and I got to like, you know, have fun
20:32
and and we did. We had a lot of it was really
20:35
interesting and but it was also really, you know, Chris was
20:41
always my little brother. So even though he was making 10
20:43
times my salary, I was like, like, I was still I'm the king
20:47
of New York, dude. You know, you don't replace me,
20:52
But I started stop seeing him as his little brother as and I
20:57
started like, man, he knows his craft.
21:00
Like he really, I was impressed. But I guess, I guess if I'm
21:07
honest, not at first because I saw him do his getting paid for
21:14
doing stuff that he was doing when we were a kid.
21:18
But there was this moment at the end of his career as SNL that he
21:21
was in recovery. And that's when I was really
21:24
seeing him for the first time. So many different ways.
21:27
I don't know what it was, but it was different than I I, I saw
21:31
him doing just amazing stuff. I didn't realize till much later
21:37
when I got into recovery. I'm like, that's what it was.
21:40
I was seeing so many in recovery.
21:42
That's amazing. It's amazing.
21:44
Yeah. Oh man.
21:45
Well. You know, he just, I know we, we
21:49
want to talk about all kinds of stuff.
21:50
But while we're still on the subject, the book you've New
21:55
York Times. Bestseller, by the way.
21:57
Yeah, but. I hear you, as it should be.
22:01
Plug. Plug for a book that came out in
22:03
2000? I hear you but what not?
22:05
What's the news on it? Well, you know, it was it was,
22:09
it was great. Is that finally we, we sold the
22:13
book rights. You know, we we had an auction a
22:16
couple years ago. I've been talking to this this
22:19
the actor who's an amazing guy wants to want always like just
22:23
grew up like, you know, one of these kind of Chris Farley.
22:27
Yeah, not jobs that like. But he went from like wasn't
22:31
just the putting on the Matt Foley, you know, imitation
22:34
stuff. He actually like it inspired him
22:36
to be an actor and a great one by the name of Paul Walter
22:39
Hauser. And so we started to form the
22:43
team and, you know, put this thing together and and new new
22:48
line bought it and we're kind of waiting for the final green
22:54
light. I think the the director is
22:56
going to be Josh Gad, who is just amazing, funny guy.
23:00
And this is going to be his first time directing.
23:03
And I think he's finishing up. He's they're doing a reboot of
23:08
spaceballs. So he's he's in that.
23:11
And once he's done with that, I think they want to start working
23:14
on this. And again, it's going to be what
23:17
I love about it. Again, people ask me about the
23:19
movie. I'm like, I'm, that's not my
23:21
world. But this finished product, yeah,
23:25
I see it as a, as a tool for the recovery community.
23:28
All the stuff that we've been talking about, even even here
23:30
today, how it, how it, it can really inspire people to, to
23:36
make that leap and, you know, see their, their story and
23:39
Chris's story, their journey and finish it up with like, OK, this
23:45
can have I, I, I can, I can have the, I can create the happier
23:50
ending that Chris never got. Well, exactly.
23:53
And legacy to continue to live on and be a be a teacher and
23:58
both a cautionary tale. And, you know, kind of like
24:00
we've talked about like that that dichotomy of that, you
24:03
know, that innocent human who does have a moral compass and
24:07
does do the right thing, but sort of overtaken by that that
24:11
persona, you know. Yeah.
24:14
I am extremely excited for that, for that movie, man, Oh my God.
24:18
I know and and what I love is Josh was like, you know, he
24:22
didn't want to do this kind of, you know, Chris is born and you
24:27
know, this whole like farm to table kind of movie.
24:32
He wanted he he said. I I there's this five year
24:37
period when he was just leaving SNL top of his game in recovery,
24:45
just talent, you know, exploding out of them to also these this
24:52
this period, the same period with all these demons and he he
24:55
moved to LA and kind of lost his connection.
25:00
You know, he lost, he became a commodity.
25:02
And I mean there is this five year period where you see just
25:07
Chris had his best talent wise and you know, all the demons.
25:13
And if that's the movie, yeah, it's going to be, yeah, some
25:18
flashbacks, you know, showing, you know, as older, smarter, you
25:22
know, uptight brother. That's.
25:24
What? I was saying, who, who's who's
25:25
playing you? Clooney.
25:28
Yeah, no, I, I'm afraid to even ask.
25:31
I'm afraid like. Yeah, that's exciting though.
25:35
I'm really looking for I'm I'm. Excited for what we what we can
25:39
do with this in the recovery world that we live in.
25:42
Yeah, like this is, it's right now I'm going out there telling
25:49
our story, my story, but this is another not this can just just
25:54
really expand that to yeah, like get people, like maybe push them
26:00
over the line. Like, you know, like, all right,
26:02
I got to, I got to, I got to do this.
26:05
I got to, I got to live this life in recovery between Chris
26:08
and Chris's story and my story. Like, yeah, we can do this.
26:13
And how do I do it? Well, like places like this,
26:17
recovery.com, there's, you know, like it also shows it can shed
26:22
light on, there's some great places, you know, that to, to,
26:27
to find recovery. Yeah.
26:29
Well, I realize I'm wearing a purple sweater in
26:31
honorofourinterviewwithyoubeing@recovery.com What?
26:35
Tell us, you know, for people like a wing.
26:38
Foot sweater if you. Wear it is.
26:39
It is, yeah. I thought I'm flexing will.
26:42
You tell us about. What?
26:45
What recovery.com does exactly? Oh man, what's really neat is it
26:50
started out as this, you know, a, a, a research, you know,
26:55
resource page connecting people. It's and it's patient focused,
26:59
finding the right recovery because of the our founders saw
27:03
just first of all, the director was out there, you know, some
27:06
are good, most are problematic. And there's just so many hurdles
27:10
and so many barriers. And it's like, let's make this,
27:16
you know, a little easier for people to find the treatment
27:18
they need. But then they had this
27:23
opportunity to buy the domain name recovery.com.
27:26
And this is where I came in. I sat down with them when I was,
27:30
you know, I was trying to think this might be the next stop for
27:34
me. And these two founders said,
27:36
like, we bought this domain name and it helped our, our business
27:41
model and our vision, helped us understand our, you know, our,
27:44
where we want to be. But it all of a sudden it hit
27:46
us. We, we have to be recovered.
27:48
We have to honor recovery and be recovery.
27:51
And now it isn't just matching up to treatment.
27:54
It's just all this other stuff that recovery is, you know,
27:59
what, what, what do we do this rest of life kind of journey
28:03
that continues for us all, you know, and so we're desperately
28:07
trying to you know, we have it's a great resource.
28:10
You know, the content that we're creating you starting with the
28:13
podcast, two articles on, you know, what is this this therapy,
28:19
you know, people are talking to me about or like, you know, you
28:22
know, what does depression really look like?
28:24
We did one that just came out recently yesterday on just like
28:30
the all the things that we do before we get to, to, to like
28:36
maybe I'll just do the strategies, the failed
28:38
strategies, like, all right, I won't drink liquor.
28:41
I'll just drink beer and that kind of stuff.
28:44
So there's wonderful resources, which what I try, I love is
28:47
because you know, when you're like, you don't choose treatment
28:54
people like, you know, a family says you should do this, a
28:56
doctor says, do this. And finally you come to this,
29:00
OK, that's render moment, but you're still not taking real
29:05
control of it. And recovery.com with all these
29:08
resources gives people agency again and like control like,
29:12
yeah, this is this is this is what I have, this is who I am.
29:16
This is why I do things. And This is why I treatment is
29:21
the right thing for me because I I know it's the right thing and
29:25
I love that part at that, that ownership and the agency that
29:31
that people have going into treatment.
29:34
I think it it it really and, and, and finding the right
29:38
treatment, the success rate just to goes to the roof.
29:42
Yeah. Then they, I mean, everybody
29:44
I've met, Tom being a shiny example of that, everybody at
29:48
recovery.com from the people who arranged the conference to the
29:52
CEO, to the my sort of personal Sherpa Ryan that week, all the
29:59
presentations, the way they took care of, I mean, and the people
30:02
who are everybody who needs to be in recovery is.
30:06
And that this is not just like a, you know, I mean, I could see
30:10
how at first people say 0recovery.com, it's just a
30:12
directory, but they are a wealth of knowledge and they're all
30:15
very helpful in doing this for the right reasons and doing it
30:19
right. So I mean, anybody out there
30:20
listening who's just curious about anything, just
30:23
recovery.com. There you go.
30:25
Well, it's on a personal note, like what blew me away, you
30:29
know, I've been in some really toxic cultures.
30:32
You know, I worked on Wall Street, but it didn't.
30:35
But even in treatment it, it can get, you know, we do great work
30:38
for the clients, but yet, you know, it's internally, you know,
30:42
it's very stressful. Therefore, you know, it can get,
30:46
it can go off the reels and it's a roller coaster.
30:51
But I came in and not everyone here, it's a tech company.
30:55
Not everyone is in recovery. Actually, it's, you know,
30:59
probably small, small percentage of the whole.
31:03
But you know, I, I remember walking in and doing a, you
31:07
know, a, you know, you know, Monday morning meeting, you
31:10
know, like, you know, what are we going to, you know, what are
31:12
our strategy? But no, we started the meeting
31:15
like with gratitude. Like what do you want?
31:17
Great, let's go around the room. What are we grateful for over
31:20
the weekend? I'm like, wait a minute, are you
31:23
kidding me? In business like it, it would be
31:26
all these principles that I've learned, you know, just add
31:31
connection to my life. Now I haven't where I work it,
31:35
it is crazy, like 1. I remember being in one meeting
31:39
where one of my colleagues was talking about this wonderful
31:41
moment he had over the weekend with his kids and he and he got
31:45
emotional and started crying and I was like, Oh my God, on Wall
31:48
Street, you're you're toast. You would have been dead.
31:51
Yeah, pack your desk right now. And but everyone they had the
31:54
opposite was like just I felt connected to this Co worker
31:58
because of that. I'm like, you know, the sense of
32:02
belonging just explodes. Yeah, so it's a, you know, I
32:09
talk about that cultural more than anything.
32:11
And it's a it's a recovery kind of, you know, strong foundation
32:18
and recovery principles. And, you know, why can't we live
32:23
like that? You don't have to, you know, you
32:25
don't have to have an addiction or something, you know, to be in
32:28
recovery, you know, just to get this recovery.
32:31
You can live this way. I.
32:33
Hear you? Absolutely.
32:34
And you made me think of two things.
32:35
One, when I first started reading the recovery literature,
32:38
when I got home from treatment or in treatment, I just remember
32:41
thinking, God, everybody needs this.
32:42
The other thing is, you know, we, Justin and I are, we do work
32:47
at and for a treatment center, but not everybody at New Waters
32:51
Recovery needs to be in recovery and they're not plenty of, you
32:54
know, nurses and other other employees.
32:57
However every morning we, we have a, we do a reading from one
33:01
of the, some kind of recovery literature and I kind of always,
33:04
I'm on the lookout if anybody is sort of over it or to thinks
33:07
it's. But no, no, everybody
33:10
absolutely. Because it's not like it
33:11
guarantees everybody to act great and the day's going to go
33:15
smoothly. But it sets the tone, you know,
33:17
and it certainly helps. It sets the tone.
33:20
No, just another quick comment on that.
33:21
Is that like I do the same thing.
33:23
I sometimes I'm just scanning the treatment team room and like
33:25
is everybody, is anybody in here kind of like, Oh my God, I'm
33:28
going to read this again. But yeah, everybody just, it
33:30
makes everybody just kind of stop for a second.
33:32
Just think. And like, if it does literally
33:34
nothing else than that, then it's a job well done, I think,
33:37
you know? Yep.
33:39
Well, you know, I started my career, I'm sure you did too
33:41
with this concept. We still kind of talk about it,
33:43
this concept of work life balance, like you're at work and
33:47
you're this person, then you go home when you're this person and
33:50
you know, you got to find the balance between the two to, to,
33:52
to be normal. And I, I always struggle with
33:55
that because, you know, I'm not two people, I'm one person.
34:00
And so the, the places, companies, families, whatever
34:06
that are are able to, to accept you in as your whole person, as
34:11
your complete person that's belonging.
34:13
So companies have been missing that I think for years.
34:16
And you just talked about like, that's what you're talking
34:18
about. It's like accepting people for
34:21
like, and let me bring in all of you.
34:23
I want the same person that here at work that goes home like, I
34:29
don't want you to change. I want all of that and I want to
34:32
embrace that. And Oh my gosh, can you when you
34:35
accept, when you like understand that about the people around you
34:40
and and know that you know my strengths can help your
34:48
weaknesses and yours strengths can have mine.
34:51
Oh my gosh, we're all in this together.
34:53
Amazing things can happen. So.
34:56
What makes the world go round? I think, yeah.
34:58
You know, it's funny, we talk a lot in the rooms about, you
35:01
know, normies. I'm like, I don't want to be
35:04
like them. Like, I don't want to be like
35:07
that. You can call them normal all you
35:09
want, but like, I, I was trying to be that my whole life.
35:13
And I'm like no, I want to be this.
35:16
Well, I mean, this is, I'm pretty sure the only, only field
35:20
or, you know, I don't like to use the word industry, but where
35:23
it's a plus to be a alcoholic and an addict, you know, which,
35:28
you know, good thing I found it. And, you know, I just reminded
35:31
when you said something early on, when, when you talked to the
35:34
woman who eventually took you to your first meeting and you said
35:37
you were four months sober and you were expecting, you know, a
35:39
parade in your honor. I, I, I was, I was four months
35:44
sober also. And I went to go meet a
35:46
headhunter who was a family friend of a friend or something.
35:49
And it was also, this is a great lesson in anonymity.
35:53
And this guy had my resume and, and we were, he was looking over
35:58
it. And you know, my resume is, some
36:01
would call it interesting, maybe even a little checkered, but
36:04
he's looking at me. He said, oh, OK, wow.
36:06
This is oh, wow. All right, this is great.
36:08
And then I looked at him and said, I'm also four months
36:11
sober. And he kind of peered over his,
36:14
the resume said, and I was expecting, like you said,
36:17
definitely be like, well, Oh my God, congratulations.
36:20
I've got this whole special category of great jobs, well
36:24
paying with great benefits for people who have four whole
36:27
months of sobriety. He looked at me and he said, OK,
36:31
do you have that under control? And I remember thinking, OK, I'm
36:34
glad. I'm glad this came out here in
36:36
this environment, you know? Yeah.
36:39
You know, it's as I said, if you look at my resume, you know, the
36:43
word that comes to mind would probably be privileged, you
36:48
know, you know, I, I didn't achieve this, you know, I just
36:52
got this and a statement like that, which I've made too.
36:56
Like I said, it is a statement of privilege too.
36:59
Like, you know, this is what I've done, you know, basically
37:05
from with a lot of people's help, you know, not, not me and
37:10
and a lot of ego in that. And that's why, you know, yeah,
37:14
people don't want that. And so now, like, yeah, it's
37:20
all. I've taken that out of my life
37:21
completely, you said. Something else too at the
37:25
beginning of this that I just thought of again and you said,
37:28
you know, you learned in recovery that results and then
37:33
action before you just wanted results with that.
37:35
I mean, that's how I was. I, I wanted, I, I felt entitled
37:39
to an education, a career, a well paying career, a
37:44
relationship, a social life, all that with little to no effort.
37:49
Just just should. Be given.
37:51
No, you know, and I didn't want any help.
37:53
I wanted handouts, you know, And then until I got sober,
37:58
basically, you know, and now I can, if I'm not spiritually fit,
38:01
I can start leaning in the direction of Gimme, Gimme, Gimme
38:04
without, without the work, you know?
38:06
You know, it's funny and and my side of that equation was like,
38:14
you want me there? I I am a gift to your
38:17
organization. You're welcome.
38:20
Right. Yeah.
38:20
Like, you know, everyone else is like, you know, uptight and
38:25
serious. Like I, I'm going to add levity
38:27
and humanness and fun. Like.
38:30
Yeah, it's. Like the mascot thing again?
38:33
Yeah. Exactly right.
38:35
Yeah. All right.
38:38
Well, this is a good place as any to to wrap it up.
38:42
And I mean, recovery.com is where you work at the I don't
38:46
think there could be any more obvious way to find a company,
38:49
but any other way, any other ways we can find you?
38:54
Yeah. Well, you know, look at our go
38:56
on, go on and see our podcasts. We're doing a a number one of
39:01
them is obviously recovery cast, so you can find them on, you
39:04
know, all the platforms, you know, TikTok, Spotify and
39:09
YouTube. But we also do one called giving
39:14
voice to depression, which is extremely popular and and really
39:19
well, one run by a colleague, my colleague Terry Maguire.
39:24
We do one that's focused on professionals, you know, you
39:30
know, clinicians like, you know, like yourselves, like, all
39:32
right, we what are your yeah, how do you, how do you, how do
39:36
you, how do you run a great treatment center without like, I
39:42
mean, you know, we all have this like we got to fill beds because
39:45
that keeps lights on. I'm like, man, I know that's
39:49
that's a reality, but it takes you away from your mission.
39:54
We know it. And we think we're going to do
39:56
it for a little bit and then come back to it.
39:58
But so it that's an and that's perfectly natural, but.
40:04
We have a podcast that really kind of delves into some of
40:06
those. How do we avoid those things?
40:08
How do we do the best we can, you know, all those kind of
40:11
things. So that's really cool.
40:14
Yeah. Well, and also.
40:15
For everybody out there, I mean the Chris Farley show, I, I read
40:18
that book 10 years before I got sober and, and it and it did.
40:21
It did have more of an effect on me then.
40:23
I mean, I knew I loved it because I was a fan of am a fan
40:26
of Chris Farley and and the, the interviews that you were able to
40:29
capture and all this. But it but it was and I hadn't
40:32
thought of it specifically in terms of being a recovery kind
40:36
of adjacent book, but it it definitely is.
40:38
And you know, we all look forward to to the movie, the
40:42
Chris Farley. Yeah.
40:43
Absolutely. Yeah.
40:44
Keep our eyes out for that. Awesome.
40:46
Yeah, we'll get into some really.
40:47
I mean, as I said, it'll shine a light on the work that we do and
40:51
that, you know, sometimes that's all that's the last, you know,
40:55
it's the final kind of thing to get people like.
40:59
All right, Yeah, it's. Huge.
41:02
Well, Tom, it's, you know, one of the.
41:03
Things I, I just said because one of the things I thought in
41:06
recovery is like, Oh my God, you know, I'm not going to have any
41:09
more fun the rest of my life than I thought.
41:10
Like, you're not going to tell Farley you can't have fun
41:13
anymore. Like I, you know, recovery or
41:15
not, regardless, like I'm going to have fun and I, I'm actually
41:18
having more fun than I ever did in my life.
41:22
So that that myth is, you know, I blew that out of the water.
41:24
Yep, I feel the exact same way. Amazing.
41:27
All right. Well, hey, Tom, thank you, thank
41:29
you, thank you. And I look forward to seeing you
41:32
out here on the road soon. And it's been great hanging out
41:35
with you lately and I look forward to to have any more
41:37
opportunities to do that. Absolutely.
41:39
Thanks so much for having me on. Good to see you all.
41:41
And then thanks for just just doing some amazing stuff and you
41:47
too. I can't wait to come and and
41:49
tour and see. Yeah, that that's that's coming
41:51
too. Absolutely.
41:53
Awesome. All right, man.
41:54
Thank you, Tom. All.
41:56
Right. See ya if you liked.
41:57
What you heard today or just want to know more?
41:59
Give us a call on 9196708119 or visit us at
42:04
newwatersrecovery.com. Thank you.