Latest / Terri Messenger's Genius Zone / From Pain to Power: Transforming Your Inner Critic into Your Greatest Ally

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From Pain to Power: Transforming Your Inner Critic into Your Greatest Ally · Terri Messenger's Genius Zone

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Hello, hello, hello and welcome to Terry Messenger's Genius
0:08
Zone. And while you guys know that
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this is the place and the space where you are going to get
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absolute the greatest empowering mind and body information.
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And boy do we have a great line up today.
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And I know I always say that and maybe you're thinking here she
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goes again. But I'm telling you I'm yet to
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ever disappoint. So I want to talk to you about
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the beautiful Anna Victoria, the discerning healer, a powerfully
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intuitive woman who knows how to read the room with both head and
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heart. But this didn't just land on her
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where she woke up one day and she was Wonder Woman.
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No, that's not the way it is because we know on this show
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that when diamonds are created, they have come from those Hard
1:08
Knocks and you're going to find out how you can transmute your
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pain to power. You're going to be taught by
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this beautiful teacher, guide and trusted healer about why
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your mind and body is so important.
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It's your greatest asset and you're going to experience her
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legacy to validate, to listen, to love, and to teach you how to
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validate yourself and how to be heard and how to love yourself.
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So with no further ado, I bring for you the beautiful Anna
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Victoria. Hello, Anna, how are you?
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I am doing great. How are you?
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I'm all the better for being here with you.
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And where are you in this big, wide, wonderful world?
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I am in Phoenix, AZ so we are worlds apart but so together
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right now. It is great and you are an
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absolute trooper because the time is what time is it over
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there? It's 12:27 AM.
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Wow, wow, wow. Well, you know, this is
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incredible because I want to say on this podcast, what we're
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doing is we are always talking about, you know, people's
2:36
powerful services that they offer, whether they're an
2:41
advocate, whether they're a caregiver, whether they're a
2:44
teacher trainer leader. But we know that it always comes
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from a past. And we know that, you know, this
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is the show and the place where we turn our pain to power.
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I know all about that. Adversity becomes your
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university. So let's begin by your raw
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beginnings, being brought up by an alcoholic father, an
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unpredictable household and a place in a space where you
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probably had to learn how to read the room.
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Tell us, you know, what got you through those childhood years
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and what that was like. So other people can relate to a
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lot of where they're wounded, you know, you know, critic comes
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from. Well, I, I would definitely say,
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you know, both of my parents were really wounded from their
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own experiences. You know, like you think about
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my father probably repeated a lot of the things that his
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father did. So I think that's the biggest
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thing that I've understood. But yeah, it was definitely
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hard. It wasn't super easy because he
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was somebody that expected so much from us.
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And there was that perfection, right?
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Like whether you got a 95% on an assessment or a test, he was
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questioning you on the 5% that you didn't get.
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So it it it very much was that perfectionism and what is it
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that you're not doing instead of celebrating some of those
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things. But I also understand that those
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things come from what they've experienced, too.
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You know, he got kicked out early.
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He was in elementary school and his dad was an alcoholic, and
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they were poor and there were seven kids.
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So it was difficult. And then you repeat some of
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those things, unless you become aware of your upbringing and the
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cycles that we carry. Absolutely, 100%.
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And you know, this leads me into the fact that, you know, you've
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come to understand yourself and I think Wayne Dyer says it, to
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know thyself. And you know, the fact that you
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are a super high achiever. And you know, what was your
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second personality trait? I know that was high achiever.
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And pleaser. Oh, people pleaser.
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OK, that's a really big one. The people pleaser.
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That's a really big trap. But it's incredible how a lot of
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our success is quite often driven by what has really
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afflicted us in our childhood. And it's our childhood woundings
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that really causes us to become the driven, successful people we
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are today. And, you know, this is where
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you're going to shed some light on, you know, some of the great
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elements. And I'm going to say guys, you
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are going to want to stay to the end because there is going to be
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an extra special visualization at the end of this broadcast.
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And this is going to take you into a place in a space where
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you can really come to know yourself and really have a mind
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expanding experience. So don't run away.
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So as as a young woman, obviously that was the turning
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point and you met your now husband and obviously at the
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time you were boyfriend and girlfriend.
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And then he hits you up with something that his mother had
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told him. Now, I know for people when
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they're meeting a boyfriend or their partner for the first time
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and then suddenly the mother-in-law steps in before
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she's even the mother-in-law and says what she told your, you
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know, boyfriend now husband, that that's a recipe for
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disaster. Would you like to just explain
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how that, you know, was the turning point of your life?
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So this is where, guys, if you're out there and you are in
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cahoots with someone or you feel that you are being attacked,
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this can literally pivot. And this is what happened for
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Anna. So I meet and you know, my
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future mother-in-law. We weren't engaged then, but I
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was probably around 21 1/2. And after my mother-in-law met
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me, she told my boyfriend, now my husband of 33 years, that I
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needed counseling. She was a therapist and I pretty
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much said F you to my husband of no, I didn't grow up with any of
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those type of things. Like you really put your pants
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back on. You didn't deal with emotions.
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I knew happy and otherwise. I got spanked.
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So it was really something foreign to me.
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And three days later, I was in therapy and my therapist, really
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Julie, changed the trajectory of my life.
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Amazing. Wow.
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So it just goes to show guys, you know, you cannot always look
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at an adversity as a negative thing because there may be
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something much deeper. And so that was obviously a
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really big part of your, you know, the trajectory of your
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healing journey and absolutely amazing.
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So now when we talk about where you are now on this journey of
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healing, I know that people are going to want to really get into
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the juicy stuff. Now, you learned a lot about how
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to disrobe the layers. So when we're talking about
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disrobing the layers, we're we're kind of like almost
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pulling the Band-Aid off, aren't we?
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We're ripping off the Band-Aid and unwrapping those bandages to
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reveal our wounds. Why do you believe this is such
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an imperative part of our healing journey?
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Because we have to go there in order to heal.
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Like if we're, if we're really not conscious about what has
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transpired and how that affected us.
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And especially as children, right.
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We have a certain narrative as children with the mind that we
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have at the time that is not matured.
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You know, it's not till our metal 20s that are prefrontal
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cortex is totally, you know, developed.
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So it is imperative for us to see how our past continues to
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play a role in our present and even in our future.
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Almost like with that fear, like instead of what's possible, what
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could really be wonderful instead of freaking out.
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So I love. That I love that because I'm
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going through a crisis at the moment and you know, I could
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quite easily go down that slippery slope.
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And you know, I even was late to this broadcast today.
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But, you know, many people that tune into my broadcasts know
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that my husband is actually non verbal in a wheelchair and he is
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in a permanent care facility, which is very, very shocking and
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sad for myself and so many people.
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But my advocation is just next level.
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And just when you think you are, you know, at a a crisis in your
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life. And I know that because I
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actually healed originally from so many of my wounds from, you
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know, back in 2006 when I first became a practitioner.
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So I understand deep down inside that there's always other
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possibilities, but, you know, I can feel that little, oh, that
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inner critic sneaking in. And this is the part where I, I
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can't wait until the end of this broadcast because your
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visualization is, is going to help me too.
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So I'm really excited about that.
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And I, I just have to say this as well.
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You've just got such a beautiful hypnotic voice.
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So I feel like I'm already, you know, lulling into that
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beautiful trance just by listening to your voice.
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But let's talk about the inner critic and the saboteurs and why
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that, you know, awareness is, is obviously important.
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And for many of our listeners, they may not even know what I'm
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talking about. They may not know what I'm
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talking about when I talk about the sage mind, the saboteur
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mind. So I'm handing over to you,
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teacher. Thank you so much.
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So I think this is going to be helpful.
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This is a brain and our inner critic lives in this left side
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of the brain. There are more details, but
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there you really don't need to know everything about that.
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But our inner critic lives here on the left side of our brain,
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and it is that pesky voice that it constantly gnaws at you and
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tells you you're not good enough or that you're stupid or what
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were you thinking, or you're such an imposter or you don't
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deserve that. And then on the right side of
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our brain, we have our sage. And if you think of the sage in
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the Native American culture, they use the sage to push away
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the evil. So when you get hijacked by your
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inner critic, it's your ability to stop it like a stop sign and
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for you to shift to your sage, to your inner coach where you
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are able to tap on compassion. Compassion for yourself,
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compassion for others, compassion for whatever
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challenge you're going through and when you can start operating
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from compassion and unconditional love for yourself
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and others without that major judgement and about this right
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and wrong. That's something else I hear
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with my clients and I'm like, do you want to die with 1000 post?
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Its that say you were right. Like what is that going to get
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you? I love that.
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That is so true. You know, it's not about being
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right every time, is it? It's definitely, you know, it's,
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it's really, it's really about us being able to conquer
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ourself, really, isn't it? It's once we can conquer our own
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brain, like you say, you know, that working out and that level
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of awareness where we can recognize the saboteur and the
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sage and, you know, obviously be able to find those elements that
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will help us to be creative, I guess about it.
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But can you give us perhaps a little bit of teaching about how
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to recognize the saboteurs and maybe how to shift to the sage
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mode? Of course.
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So I would say, let me bring up, for example, one of my clients,
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she's a nurse practitioner. And for her it has been about
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it's never good enough like in everything.
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So she has her children, husband, a wonderful practice,
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but it's almost like she's on that hamster wheel.
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And instead of really celebrating all the moments and
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we've come a long way, like I've had her for quite a few months
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now, but it, it was really that. And that's your inner critic
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running you. That's the inner critic telling
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you you're not good enough. You haven't arrived yet.
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You don't get to be happy right now.
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It's not okay. And you got to do more and more
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and more. So it's like if you can just
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imagine this, like Darth Vader over you, like telling you, you
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must do this. And until then you won't find
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inner peace and contentment. And that's not the truth.
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But we've allowed it to control us.
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We've allowed these negative thoughts to control who we are.
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Almost like we're just this robot living through life
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instead of really knowing that we do have a choice.
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And we get to train our mind daily, minute by minute, second
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by second. I love how you use that metaphor
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of the Darth Vader and, you know, hovering over and of
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course, you know, really, we're all wearing a bit of a shield of
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armour in a way, aren't we? Because, you know, even the most
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professional people, I've seen them come undone because
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something has triggered them. And I think when we come to
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understand that people can act in very radical ways, even, I
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mean, you see all sorts of even when you're looking at lawsuits
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and court cases and people's relationships breaking down or
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business partners blowing up and, and then spending 10's and,
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you know, $20,000 to totally sabotage each other.
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And if they really came back to thinking about it by looking at
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the perspective and saying, hang on a minute, what could be
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happening here for that other person?
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You know, like, what is it that is really going on behind it
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all? Because I feel that that is
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something that if everybody knew, we'd have a much better
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world. And you talk about the armour,
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and I want you to expand on the armour and a little bit about
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how to release it as well, or the metaphoric way that you
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might consider it. Well, I would say every one of
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us armours up and I don't know if all of you that are listening
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are aware or know of Brené Brown, but she really does talk
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about, she's written several books.
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But it is about us showing up in the arena and being courageous
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and vulnerable and being able to be our full selves.
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And there will always be people in the cheap seats if you can
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imagine the arena that are going to criticize.
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And part of that it that is your thoughts that you developed in
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childhood to survive and succeed.
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So when you are able to really become aware of what you did to
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survive and succeed and not give attention to the people in the
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cheap seats making the comments and who was that person right?
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For me, we can carry this generational stuff from
20:46
generation to generation. If I had chosen to parent the
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way my grandpa and then my dad did.
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So it's getting off that hamster wheel that allows us to then
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start that journey of curiosity and what's possible.
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And I don't think I've known unconditional love from me truly
21:18
until recently. Wow, wow.
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That's pretty incredible. And I, I hear that love is very
21:29
underrated because a lot of the coaches that have come into the
21:35
podcast have sworn that love is what covers all.
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You know, if you can bring love into your heart, if you can
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expand your whole, you know yourself with that.
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Flood yourself with love then that's going to make a big
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difference. So how did you come into that
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then? You know, since that it was, you
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know, obviously only just recently that you did come into
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it. Can you share that with us?
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Of course, I really do think it took this certification for me
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and becoming a coach and really diminishing my judge because
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when we are judged and judge ourselves constantly and measure
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our successes, like almost for me, it's almost like every day I
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have a list of things that I must accomplish.
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And if I didn't, then it was like I was not good enough.
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And when we can separate that I can be OK with me and I don't
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have to accomplish for myself worth.
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And I'm not saying becoming a lazy person.
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I'm very driven and I want to make a difference in the world.
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But for me to constantly be measured by how others treat me,
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how they decide I am, is giving your power away.
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And I feel like it has been recent that that inner voice of
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you're not good enough. There's always more to do you.
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You can improve in this way and in that way.
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And instead I can use those tools from my inner coach and
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they get much more positive and creative because I am a super
23:52
driven person. But I am able to sit with myself
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and know that I am complete and I'm OK.
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And even when I make mistakes, I can learn from them and I don't
24:13
have to freak out. Especially when it's something
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like money wise, 'cause I, my family came here to the United
24:21
States with $200 and we started all over again when I was 12.
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So for me, money, anything where, you know, I drop, I lost
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my, my eye air pods, you know, go into this rabbit hole of how
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much, how much time is it going to take for me to earn that
24:45
money to buy them again and to beat myself up over something
24:52
where I lost it, broke it, whatever it was.
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And that's back to coming here with $200 and feeling that
25:01
stress of my parents, which was huge, you know, for children.
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I was 12, my brother was 13, my other brothers were six and
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eight. Is that within five years?
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Maybe I don't have the math correct.
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But to start all over again, when we grew up very privileged,
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like we had maids, we had a security guard.
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So those little things, right? Just I can talk about finances
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and feeling like, you know, an earthquake in that way
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financially, but everyone of us have those triggers of why we
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get set off and we all of a sudden don't have our footing.
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Absolutely. And, and it's interesting that
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you say that because there are so many people that have got
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that saboteur around their money and that saboteur around, you
26:07
know, what money means and, and the fear of, you know, being
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without it. And I, I feel that it's when
26:15
that happens, the more you fear something it like traces you
26:19
because you're paying so much attention to it.
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So This is why I'm really excited about, you know, the
26:26
next step that we're going to move forward to, which we will
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obviously preface it first with, you know, talking a little bit
26:35
about it. So everybody can make that
26:38
decision if they do want to really stay for the
26:41
visualization. Because I always say it's best
26:45
to listen to this. If you are driving, it's
26:49
probably not the greatest time to listen to it.
26:51
So you can always come back to this podcast later and listen
26:55
and enjoy it. For those of you that listen to
26:58
it, you can listen to it again and again and again and you'll
27:02
find that there's always something new that's going to
27:05
come up. So, you know, I feel that when
27:10
we come to know thyself, this is where we call the shots.
27:15
We learn how to take control of our minds.
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So rather than going down rabbit holes, which I could feel myself
27:23
sliding down that rabbit hole a little bit, you know, like it's,
27:27
it's, I mean, we're only human. So, you know, I could feel
27:32
myself getting sucked into that rabbit hole.
27:37
And then I thought, bam, I'm ready for this.
27:42
Yes. And you know, when I realized
27:47
that I really needed to come into that realization,
27:55
everything changed because it's just it's, it's an acceptance,
28:00
it's a, it's, it's like a self embracing.
28:04
And really what you're about to do with us is something where
28:10
we're going to be putting ourselves into that position,
28:12
but we're going to be in control.
28:15
And that's the difference between being in control and
28:19
then just sliding down this slippery slope and before you
28:22
know it, swimming in the mud. So why not take control of the
28:27
mind? And why not be able to expand
28:33
the way you're looking at whatever it is that's really,
28:38
you know, has that nagging feeling that something just
28:42
isn't right. So Are you ready?
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Would you like to do a little bit of teaching before you want
28:50
to set it? You know, set it up so that we
28:53
can go into this beautiful visualization?
28:58
I can, yeah. I could do a bit of an intro and
29:01
then we will go right into it. So according to Shurzad Shamim,
29:06
the founder of Positive Intelligence, where I got my
29:09
certification, this inner critic begins, is that universal judge
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that like I talked about earlier, picture a Darth Vader,
29:22
a dark cloud over you, and that saboteur who evaluates you,
29:30
others and your circumstances with harshness.
29:35
And that universal judge recruits other saboteurs like
29:41
the hyper achiever, controller, stickler and pleaser to keep
29:48
hustling for your worth and doubting your enoughness.
29:55
I also love a psychologist. His name is Doctor Ethan Cross.
30:01
He reminds us that this inner critic voice isn't inherently
30:09
bad. It tries to protect you, but
30:13
when left unchecked, it becomes toxic and undermining
30:21
confidence, clarity and joy. So let's bring her to light.
30:31
What I'm going to ask you is to close your eyes if you are in a
30:37
safe place, and we're going to talk about that little kid that
30:46
learn to shrink. I want you to take some deep
30:51
breaths. So in for four, hold for four
31:02
and out. And let's do that a couple more
31:07
times in hold and out, and one more time, hold and out.
31:28
Now picture her or him, the younger version of you.
31:37
She or he once sparkled, confident, curious, alive.
31:45
But over time, she or he learned the rules.
31:50
Be quiet, be good, be useful, be less.
31:59
She or he learned to shrink, to be palatable.
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She absorbed every message from family, school, church, media
32:16
about who she should be to earn love, safety, success.
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Now picture her grown up. You bring to mind a moment when
32:33
you felt like a failure. Maybe it was motherhood or
32:39
fatherhood, your career, your marriage, your body, your
32:46
business. Let that moment come into view
32:52
like a movie scene. Now imagine your inner critic
32:57
walking in. She doesn't come alone, she's
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dragging decades of messages behind her.
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She sits next to you, puts her hand on your shoulder and
33:12
whispers you should be further along by now.
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You are too much and not enough. Your body is a problem to fix.
33:27
You only succeed because you're lucky.
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You're replaceable, forgettable. You'll never catch up.
33:40
Everyone else already has. If you slow down, everything
33:46
will fall apart. You're not lovable unless you're
33:51
useful. Your weight is the reason you're
33:55
not respected. You're not pretty enough, good
34:01
looking enough to be taken seriously.
34:05
If people really knew you, you wouldn't stay.
34:09
They wouldn't stay. You should be grateful.
34:13
How dare you want more? Feel the weight of the words.
34:22
Where do they land? In your body?
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Tight shoulders, Shallow breath, A knot in your stomach?
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This is not a whisper. It's a generational inheritance,
34:39
a cultural script. But now we get to choose
34:47
something else. You get to lean on your inner
34:54
critic, on your inner coach, not your inner critic.
35:00
Now take another breath, let your body soften, and imagine
35:08
someone else walks in. She's grounded, still radiant.
35:17
She's the part of you that knows.
35:22
She's your inner coach. She's your sage, the wise woman
35:30
or man who rises. She doesn't need you to prove
35:36
your worth. She knows it's already inside
35:41
you. She walks over, places a gentle
35:45
hand on your back and speaks. Not with pressure.
35:51
A presence you are safe, you are already enough, even as you
36:00
grow, even when you make mistakes.
36:05
Rest, joy and love are a birthright, not rewards you must
36:13
earn. You've done hard things before.
36:17
You can do this too. You're allowed to be both a
36:22
masterpiece and a work in progress.
36:27
You don't have to hustle to be worthy.
36:30
You belong in every room you enter.
36:34
Let's take the next step. Not perfectly, but bravely.
36:41
Feel your body respond. Your breath deepens, Your chest
36:47
opens, your shoulders drop, your jaw softens, your heart studies.
36:57
This is your voice of your sage. She has always lived with you.
37:05
She's not louder, but she is truer.
37:11
When you're ready, I'm going to invite you to open your eyes and
37:18
really lean on your inner coach and know that you do not have to
37:28
pay attention to that inner critic trying to tell you you
37:33
are not good enough. You are good enough as you are.
37:39
That work in progress and that little child before you
37:45
developed all those ways you needed to survive and succeed
37:50
knows how incredible you are. Keep that in your mind and your
37:59
heart as you move forward today and every day.
38:10
Wow, is it time to come back? It is time to come back, Terry.
38:18
I definitely wanted to stay there, especially embracing that
38:23
that is, oh, that just totally shifted some energy in me.
38:30
And I know that anyone here at home listening, this is
38:36
absolutely incredible work. And this is just a taste and a
38:40
tip of the iceberg of what this beautiful lady, this healer can
38:46
do for you. And of course, you know, the
38:50
show wouldn't be the show unless I ask this final question.
38:53
And I always love to do so. And I'd like to add to people
38:57
that if you would like your own personal private coaching
39:03
session where you can speak personally to Anna, we will have
39:09
all the details in the show notes and you will be able to
39:13
contact this beautiful lady. And here's my last question that
39:19
we always love to go out on because people are usually in
39:23
momentum at this point of the show.
39:25
So getting off the show, thinking about all that we've
39:29
spoken about and bringing so much wisdom that you've brought.
39:34
Is there something that you would either like to reiterate
39:38
that you've already spoken about or something that you know, that
39:41
you know, you'd love to share with that person?
39:45
That's that's praying for this? Because that person is where you
39:51
once were, where I was once were, you know, before knowing,
39:56
before recognizing that something's not right, but not
40:00
knowing what. Have you got any last words
40:02
you'd like to share? I sure do.
40:06
I read a book Worthy by Jamie Kearn Lima and she gives U.S.
40:12
data and to me that really resonates with me.
40:17
And I know I was put on this earth to guide and help people
40:26
heal and not listen to that inner critic and I love.
40:33
Well, I'm going to back up a second.
40:35
Jamie Kern Lima gives us the data of 80% of women don't feel
40:44
good enough. And that is a drive for me.
40:49
It's like I wish I could get on a huge intercom and tell every
40:54
woman, yes, you are worthy. You are worthy of love and
41:00
especially your own love and 91% of women have an issue with
41:08
their body and to me that just is so calling to how many of you
41:17
out there that are listening to us of you.
41:20
Don't wait to feel good when you lose the 5 or 10 lbs.
41:25
You can be OK and love yourself as you are if you want to work
41:31
on improving. And the same with men, Terry,
41:35
70% of men and our men and our young men are struggling.
41:42
So yeah, I think I will be forever on your right shoulder,
41:52
just like the Nike brand, letting you know that you you
41:57
can do it. And I do believe you.
42:01
Like I'm right there letting you know that you do not listen to
42:06
that inner critic. And my last thing is I love Doc
42:11
Amon. He's a famous psychiatrist here
42:14
in the United States that does brain imaging on has written a
42:19
book on Brazil, like how to raise Brazilian children.
42:23
So I don't do it alone. I really love for these amazing
42:27
mentors to teach me. And the reason I'm holding my
42:30
arm is because he says if I was ever to tattoo, do a tattoo on
42:36
my body, it would be me asking myself, is it true?
42:43
So oh. Yes.
42:47
Right when that inner critic enters us, it's your time to
42:51
stop. It's your time to pause and go.
42:55
Is it true? Wow, imagine that.
43:00
I'll tell you what, that's very inspiring.
43:02
And I've heard him say it. And, you know, that name, Mr.
43:07
Armin, has been brought up time and time again on this show.
43:12
Maybe it's a sign we need to bring him on.
43:15
But, you know, you are such a generous, giving person.
43:19
You know, you have, you know, obviously highlighted to people,
43:24
books, names, very, very unselfishly.
43:29
And for that I am truly grateful.
43:33
So, you know, what can I say except thank you so very much
43:37
for your generosity and everything that you've brought
43:41
to this show. Thank you, Terry.