Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #402 The Tiger Parents - Kevin & Debbie

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#402 The Tiger Parents - Kevin & Debbie · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:03
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for the
0:07
Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.
0:10
Speaker 2: Now, I thought all the love and affection, the encouragement and.
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Speaker 3: Support that I gave my children the war all cut out.
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Speaker 3: I wanted to see myself being lovely on TV, but
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Speaker 3: they cut them all out.
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Speaker 4: They only showed me being so nasty.
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Speaker 1: And now here's the scars of our show, my mom
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Speaker 1: and Dad.
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Speaker 5: Hello, this is doctor Justin Colson.
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Speaker 6: I'm the parenting expert and co host on Cell Nin's
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Speaker 6: TV show Parental Guidance, and also the founder of Happy
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Speaker 6: Families dot com. Today you welcome to all of our
0:39
Speaker 6: new listeners to the Happy Families Podcast. We're watching more
0:41
Speaker 6: and more seeing, I guess in the stats, more and
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Speaker 6: more people joining us for great conversations on the podcast.
0:47
Speaker 6: And I'm so so excited about the conversation we're having today.
0:51
Speaker 6: I should introduce Kylie for those of you who are knew.
0:52
Speaker 6: Kylie's my wife, maum Do our six kids and podcast
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Speaker 6: co host extra Man. I don't know why I go
0:58
Speaker 6: French every time I say that we need free time,
1:00
Speaker 6: we need yarn and donnas that I can make it
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Speaker 6: properly French and for the last couple of weeks we've
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Speaker 6: been talking about parental Guidance, this new show that's been
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Speaker 6: on Channel nine that's really bringing the conversation about parenting
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Speaker 6: to everybody. We're talking about parenting in this country, I
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Speaker 6: reckon in ways that we never had before. Last week
1:17
Speaker 6: the show wrapped up, it was all said and done,
1:19
Speaker 6: we met our winners. We also had a great chat
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Speaker 6: with Ali Langdon, the host of the show today. I'm
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Speaker 6: so excited a couple that were just full of delight,
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Speaker 6: always laughing and had I think the most wonderful humility
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Speaker 6: in the way that they showed that they just want to.
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Speaker 5: Be better parents.
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Speaker 6: And let's face it, there are a few times where
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Speaker 6: they felt the heat of that hot seat as people said,
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Speaker 6: what are you doing that for? That's not what your
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Speaker 6: children need. Kevin and Debbie our tiger parents.
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Speaker 7: I think Kevin maybe got a little bit carried away
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Speaker 7: and took over a little bit at that time.
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Speaker 8: That's the part of Tiger parenting that we would never.
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Speaker 5: Yeah, we would let them go and let them make
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Speaker 5: the mistake.
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Speaker 6: We're so glad to welcome you to Kevin and Debbie.
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Speaker 9: Thanks for having us.
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Speaker 7: We are so excited to have this conversation and spend
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Speaker 7: some time with you. So thank you for being with
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Speaker 7: us today. I'm wondering now that you're at the other end.
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Speaker 5: It's all over, it's all over.
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Speaker 7: What were your impressions when you went into the show?
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Speaker 7: What did you think you were going to get out
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Speaker 7: of it?
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Speaker 4: I think we.
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Speaker 2: Didn't think too much because we got invited, like we
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Speaker 2: didn't apply ourselves, so we felt that we were thrown into.
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Speaker 10: This whole thing, like without preparing our heart.
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Speaker 8: Initially, we thought it would be more like a documentary
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Speaker 8: for our family because we're really busy.
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Speaker 9: We thought, Okay, it'll be good, you know, if we.
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Speaker 8: Can have some professional setup to record some of our
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Speaker 8: life and stuff and say, okay, that's that's great. But
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Speaker 8: then we realized, okay, it's about having more conversation with
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Speaker 8: other families with different style, and then we have to
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Speaker 8: kind of beickome.
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Speaker 9: Each other, and you know, it's more like a competition
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Speaker 9: kind of thing.
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Speaker 8: It's a little bit different from what we initially thought.
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Speaker 8: But then you know, I think, you know, we had
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Speaker 8: some conversation with the crew and then we understand potentially
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Speaker 8: it will bring the conversation bring some benefits for the
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Speaker 8: audience having you know, different styles, and we kind of
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Speaker 8: got convinced somehow, and then here we.
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Speaker 5: Are convinced somehow.
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Speaker 7: I love that you really really got that that arm
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Speaker 7: twisted by the sounds of it there.
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Speaker 5: But you're such an asset to the show.
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Speaker 6: The conversations that you allowed us to have and your
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Speaker 6: your wonderful personalities were just such a such an asset
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Speaker 6: to the show. And I loved having you there and
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Speaker 6: loved watching the way that you guys progressed.
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Speaker 5: And I think that.
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Speaker 7: You've changed the conversation around tiger parenting in a really,
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Speaker 7: really positive way. I know that before I watched the show,
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Speaker 7: my idea of what a tiger parent looked like was
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Speaker 7: not a whole lot of love, not a whole lot
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Speaker 7: of connection, and just you know, bearing down on your
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Speaker 7: kids in really significant ways, those high expectations, and you
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Speaker 7: just proved that you can have high expectations and yet
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Speaker 7: still have all of that connection and all of that love.
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Speaker 7: And I loved that about the show.
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Speaker 4: Really. I thought all the love and affection, the encouragement and.
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Speaker 3: Support that I gave my children a war or cut out.
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Speaker 3: I wanted to see myself being lovely on TV, but
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Speaker 3: they cut them all out.
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Speaker 4: They only showed me being so nasty. I also disappointed.
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Speaker 7: Ah well, I definitely got that. I saw that in
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Speaker 7: just the way you know, your kids responded to you,
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Speaker 7: and you have such a gentle way, Debbie, you really do,
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Speaker 7: and it comes across and I saw that, I saw
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Speaker 7: I felt the love.
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Speaker 5: I did feel the love safe.
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Speaker 6: Yeah, And it wasn't It wasn't always just in the
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Speaker 6: interaction with the kids. It was the way that you
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Speaker 6: presented yourself to the other parents in the room, the
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Speaker 6: way that you were explaining, the way that you raise
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Speaker 6: the kids. And I thought, I thought that you were
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Speaker 6: absolutely tremendous as well.
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Speaker 7: When you hold a mirror up to your own parenting
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Speaker 7: on National TV, I would put like, hands up, that
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Speaker 7: is probably one of the most courageous things that you
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Speaker 7: could do as a parent. But were there moments when
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Speaker 7: you wondered if you were getting it right as a parent?
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Speaker 4: Yes, definitely.
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Speaker 8: Like you know, when I was saying that I was challenged,
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Speaker 8: I was heavily challenged, Like you know, looking at especially
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Speaker 8: like with the free range parents, was you know, there
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Speaker 8: were a great inspiration for us, you know, I thought,
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Speaker 8: you know, I like to, you know, till then you know,
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Speaker 8: usually with your friends you share resource, but you don't
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Speaker 8: pick on each other's parenting style.
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Speaker 11: You don't.
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Speaker 8: You don't compare your kids. You know, that's something you avoid,
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Speaker 8: you don't do it.
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Speaker 5: But then you know, it was so special.
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Speaker 8: We have these families. We are now very close friends.
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Speaker 8: We can talk about, you know, very strange things that
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Speaker 8: you don't really we usually talk about. But then you know,
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Speaker 8: the three range parents they will you know, we want
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Speaker 8: to see our kids to have a little bit of
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Speaker 8: you know, what their kids have as well, and then
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Speaker 8: that makes us thinking as well, you know, but it's
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Speaker 8: not about right or wrong.
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Speaker 9: It's about the balance.
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Speaker 8: Right, It's nothing perfect, but you know, if you see
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Speaker 8: something missing or if you don't get.
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Speaker 9: Certain, you know, you don't have time, you don't have
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Speaker 9: any some personality. Maybe it's the currenting style. Maybe right,
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Speaker 9: it just give us the opportunity to think about it.
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Speaker 7: Were you and Debbie always on the same page with
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Speaker 7: your parenting.
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Speaker 12: Actually I would say we we we are very different people, like,
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Speaker 12: very different personality and background in terms of parenting.
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Speaker 4: I think we we're pretty much on the same page most.
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Speaker 8: Of the time because, like I fully support Debbie, and
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Speaker 8: she has some thing in mind, and she has her
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Speaker 8: way of getting things organized.
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Speaker 9: I come from a very free range.
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Speaker 8: Background, and I feel that, you know, I I've missed
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Speaker 8: quite a bit of opportunities. So I fully support Debbie
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Speaker 8: in almost everything. And sometimes I'll have my opinions. Sometimes
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Speaker 8: I'll you know, but then I fully support Debbie, and
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Speaker 8: I think that's how it works. It's not everything is
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Speaker 8: like that, but in parenting, I think that's how it
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Speaker 8: works in our case.
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Speaker 10: Thank you, You're welcome.
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Speaker 5: You guys are just so sweet.
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Speaker 6: After the break, we're going to find out what Kevin
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Speaker 6: and Debbie really took out of the show. I'm going
7:39
Speaker 6: to share my absolute highlight, one of the best parts
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Speaker 6: of the show, and it was because of this wonderful couple.
7:43
Speaker 6: And you've got a couple of tricky questions to ask
7:45
Speaker 6: them to wrap things up. That's right after the break
7:47
Speaker 6: on the Happy Families podcast.
7:48
Speaker 1: It's a Happy Families podcast.
7:51
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7:55
Speaker 11: is a webinar to guide families to healthy, safe superscreen
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Speaker 11: solutions by today at Happy Families dot com, dot are
8:02
Speaker 11: you slash shop.
8:05
Speaker 7: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time
8:07
Speaker 7: poor parents, who just wants answers now, And today we
8:10
Speaker 7: are talking to.
8:11
Speaker 5: Tiger our parents, Tiger parents. What was the chance tiger parents?
8:15
Speaker 5: Never give up? Is that what you used to say? Hi?
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Speaker 13: Okay, I think so, like we said, never give up.
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Speaker 10: But I think the correct thing is we don't give
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Speaker 10: up easily. Right, Sometimes like we sometimes give up if
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Speaker 10: after trying our best, like we're still not getting the result,
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Speaker 10: then it's time to give up. Like when Mimi went
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Speaker 10: on that right, we actually got asked to go on
8:44
Speaker 10: the second time, but then it was time for us
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Speaker 10: to to start.
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Speaker 14: We did.
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Speaker 8: We did check this, Mimi, she said, she said, okay,
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Speaker 8: she didn't like it, or I don't you know if
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Speaker 8: if if the if the crew insists right, we will
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Speaker 8: have to said we have we have some kids on
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Speaker 8: the flu.
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Speaker 13: You know, No, no, we don't do that.
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Speaker 9: Me and the crew.
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Speaker 4: No, no, that's bad, you'll say that.
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Speaker 13: Actually the first time they cut it out. Me actually
9:14
Speaker 13: agreed to go on.
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Speaker 4: The second time. She said no.
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Speaker 8: So yeah, we like our kids to try to have
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Speaker 8: some trust on their parents. You know, we're not trying
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Speaker 8: something very dangerous something ridiculous, something stupid. But if it's
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Speaker 8: something you know, we can. We think it's safe, it's
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Speaker 8: worth you know, doing, you know, while we're in the
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Speaker 8: same park. Let's give you the try and then you know,
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Speaker 8: we took it as a challenge, like rather than you know,
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Speaker 8: we can just go to the easy, easy one and
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Speaker 8: then you know and take it easy way out. But
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Speaker 8: we just want to see, if you know, our way
9:46
Speaker 8: of communication can actually we just like to share that
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Speaker 8: with everyone.
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Speaker 10: Yeah, And honestly, after Leo did the five minute jump,
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Speaker 10: he enjoyed it, so the second time he went up
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Speaker 10: with excitement. So we honestly thought Mimi would be like that,
10:02
Speaker 10: but no, she isn't like it. But now I know
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Speaker 10: why she's really regretted. She told me, oh, I should
10:07
Speaker 10: have gone up again. It actually wasn't that scary, and
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Speaker 10: I missed the chance of a lifetime to go up
10:14
Speaker 10: without queuing.
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Speaker 6: There are a couple of things that come out of this,
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Speaker 6: and I think they're both worth emphasizing. The first one
10:20
Speaker 6: is that balanced approach that you've highlighted really really important.
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Speaker 5: The idea that we should never give up.
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Speaker 6: Sometimes it's a really bad idea, sometimes it's right to
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Speaker 6: give up. Sometimes we get to a point where we think,
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Speaker 6: hang on, I've been gritty, and I've been determined, and
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Speaker 6: I've been pushing, but this is not in anyone's best
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Speaker 6: interest for this to continue. And as parents, we've got
10:40
Speaker 6: to be able to have the wisdom to know when
10:41
Speaker 6: to say enough is enough.
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Speaker 5: I think that's really valuable.
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Speaker 6: But the second thing that you've highlighted is just this
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Speaker 6: tension between how fai you push your kids, and what
10:49
Speaker 6: you've just highlighted is that Mimi now wishes that she
10:52
Speaker 6: could go back and do it again. And I remember
10:55
Speaker 6: Lara and Andrew the Attachment parents, when their little boy Raffi,
11:00
Speaker 6: they till took him off the climbing wall, and they
11:03
Speaker 6: were roundly criticized for doing that. They didn't set the
11:06
Speaker 6: targets high enough he was allowed to pull out and
11:08
Speaker 6: didn't have to do it. But they were very clear
11:10
Speaker 6: as well in the show that they went back the
11:12
Speaker 6: week after and the week after and eventually he learned
11:15
Speaker 6: how to climb the wall and really got to enjoy it.
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Speaker 6: So I think that there's also this really unique and
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Speaker 6: interesting tension where as parents were like, Okay, I need
11:22
Speaker 6: to keep you safe. I need to make sure that
11:23
Speaker 6: you're in your comfort zone. But I'm going to expose
11:26
Speaker 6: you to it again and again and again, because as
11:28
Speaker 6: you become more and more comfortable with it, you're going
11:32
Speaker 6: to expand your horizons. You don't have to do it,
11:34
Speaker 6: or you don't have to eat the whole elephant in
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Speaker 6: one bite. And that's what I'm really hearing from your conversation.
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Speaker 6: Now we've only got time for another couple of questions
11:42
Speaker 6: because podcast time, poor parent answers.
11:44
Speaker 5: Now we've got to move on.
11:47
Speaker 6: My favorite, I think it's literally my favorite part of
11:49
Speaker 6: the entire series, in the entire show.
11:53
Speaker 5: Was the evening where you were on your wilderness challenge.
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Speaker 6: You've never been camping before, You've had a really big
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Speaker 6: day line hike with the kids, and you've really accomplished
12:02
Speaker 6: some some really fun things together and had a unique,
12:07
Speaker 6: wonderful family experience. And that night you're sitting around the fire,
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Speaker 6: you've read your letters that you'd written, and Debbie, you
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Speaker 6: looked at Kevin and just.
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Speaker 5: Said, am I a good mom? Yes?
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Speaker 8: Definitely, and I believe both your children will agree with me.
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Speaker 6: And in that moment, I just, oh my heart, I
12:27
Speaker 6: felt what I think every parent feels well. We ask
12:31
Speaker 6: ourselves that question, and for me that was the most
12:33
Speaker 6: It was just such an impactful moment as you sat
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Speaker 6: there and were thinking and asking that question. Was what
12:39
Speaker 6: was going through your mind? How were you feeling about everything?
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Speaker 10: I think I'm usually not a very emotional person, but
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Speaker 10: that day, I mean, we went through a lot as
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Speaker 10: a family, and it was a very exhausting day.
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Speaker 4: I don't know why that just came into my mind, which.
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Speaker 2: Did to have a good chat with Kevin, and I
13:01
Speaker 2: guess the atmosphere.
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Speaker 10: It was very emotional sitting around the campfire.
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Speaker 5: Have you been camping since?
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Speaker 6: That was a very strong note. Are you planning on
13:16
Speaker 6: going camping again?
13:18
Speaker 4: Clamping?
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Speaker 1: Maybe you're so good?
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Speaker 7: You guys, you nailed that challenge, you really did.
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Speaker 10: We were quite clumsy when putting the tent together read instructions.
13:34
Speaker 6: What I loved that we didn't get to see in
13:36
Speaker 6: the show was there was a whole conversation that happened
13:38
Speaker 6: in the studio that never made the final edit about
13:42
Speaker 6: needing to dig a bathroom, needing to dig a hole
13:45
Speaker 6: for the toilet.
13:46
Speaker 5: And it didn't make it into the show.
13:48
Speaker 6: But let's just say we had a very very very
13:50
Speaker 6: funny conversation in the studio about about what it meant
13:54
Speaker 6: to have to dig a hole to use the loop.
13:58
Speaker 6: And let's just say that leaf took a few days
14:01
Speaker 6: to arrive, but when it arrived, it was it was good.
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Speaker 5: That's all I'm saying. I'm not going to say anything else.
14:06
Speaker 6: Anyway, we need to wrap up your last question or two, Kylie,
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Speaker 6: and let's let's let's move this towards a conclusion.
14:12
Speaker 7: So, guys, my last question for today is how has
14:16
Speaker 7: this experience strengthened your family?
14:19
Speaker 2: Oh?
14:19
Speaker 14: I think although we we go through some rollercoasters like recently,
14:26
Speaker 14: it definitely strengthened our relationship as a family.
14:30
Speaker 10: And I see that my children are becoming more mature.
14:35
Speaker 4: They knew that I was feeling a bit hurt.
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Speaker 10: And then they had a huge discussion to share that discussion.
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Speaker 8: So like so Mimi and Leo, so we try to
14:46
Speaker 8: stay away from all the social media stuff. But then
14:50
Speaker 8: they had conversations at school with their friends, and then
14:53
Speaker 8: they couldn't resist to search the internet. They found some
14:57
Speaker 8: you know, negative comments about my mainly on Debby, and
15:01
Speaker 8: they were quite angry about it.
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Speaker 9: And they don't and then, you know, but.
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Speaker 8: I was trying to come, trying to help help Mimi
15:10
Speaker 8: to digest that, to understand different people having different background,
15:14
Speaker 8: different opinion and all that. And then Mimi was trying
15:19
Speaker 8: to tell me, Daddy, you know, emotion, Mom's emotion is
15:25
Speaker 8: true emotion.
15:26
Speaker 9: It is something we need to look after. And then
15:30
Speaker 9: she added this she had she used to discipline every
15:34
Speaker 9: one of us in a family, so we are so
15:37
Speaker 9: used to it. But she is new to that kind
15:40
Speaker 9: of criticism. So we need to give her you know,
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Speaker 9: Is that the thing? Yeah, So she want.
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Speaker 8: Us to be more understanding and support Debbie during this
15:50
Speaker 8: difficult time.
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Speaker 5: Very cute.
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Speaker 10: Yeah. And then I think this morning yesterday she said, oh, Mommy,
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Speaker 10: don't cry at night because your eyes will become really
16:04
Speaker 10: swollen and you don't look nice.
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Speaker 5: That's so funny.
16:11
Speaker 7: Guys, thank you so much for giving us your time
16:13
Speaker 7: today and for just sharing some of your insights. As
16:16
Speaker 7: you said suggested, this has been a little bit of
16:18
Speaker 7: a roller coaster for you, and as we've watched it
16:20
Speaker 7: as a family, it's been a bit of a roller
16:22
Speaker 7: coaster for us as well. Having justin in the spotlight
16:25
Speaker 7: as well, and so we kind of our hearts go
16:27
Speaker 7: out to you. We understand and.
16:29
Speaker 5: Know what that feels like.
16:30
Speaker 7: But like I said in the beginning, brave and courageous
16:34
Speaker 7: and the experiences that you were able to have on
16:37
Speaker 7: national television have literally changed the conversations that we're having
16:41
Speaker 7: around our dinner tables all around the country.
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Speaker 6: So thank you and your wonderful parents. And you have
16:46
Speaker 6: beautiful children, fabulous kids. I think that everybody's fall in
16:51
Speaker 6: love with them and Leo, they're just such great kids.
16:55
Speaker 4: Encourishment.
16:57
Speaker 6: We are so grateful for Kevin and Debbie from Parental
17:00
Speaker 6: Guidance for sharing some time with us on the Happy
17:02
Speaker 6: Families podcast.
17:03
Speaker 5: The Happy Familiess podcast.
17:04
Speaker 6: Is produced as always by Justin Rouland from Bridge Media.
17:06
Speaker 6: Craig Bruce is our executive producer. And if you'd like
17:09
Speaker 6: morefol about making your family happier, because a happy family
17:12
Speaker 6: doesn't just happen, visit happy families dot com dot au