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Robert Gallery Shares The Mental Toll Of Football & Healing After NFL Career With Raiders | Bussin' · Bussin' With The Boys

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: All right, We're good.
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• 0:28
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• 0:37
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• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Welcome to another episode of Busting with the Boys. If
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• 1:02
  Speaker 2: the boys out a lot. We've got a lot to
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  Speaker 2: talk about. We got a lot to talk about. We
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: have an awesome interview with Robert Gallery.
• 1:08
  Speaker 4: Awesome.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, his journey, mental health, all the stuff it is.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: It is very much worth your two and a half
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: hours of time. We'll be breaking down our weekends, having
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: some fun with some spicy road tier talk, best compliments
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  Speaker 2: to your wife, some final bites before we sign off
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  Speaker 2: and get into the interview. But this this episode is
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  Speaker 2: picks now, gentlemen, we have a good weekend with a
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: fun little weekend.
• 2:14
  Speaker 5: Yeah, New Orleans.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: How was Nola?
• 2:18
  Speaker 6: I just feel like it was cool. I was visiting
• 2:20
  Speaker 6: one of my buddies. I used to live here, but
• 2:22
  Speaker 6: I got just going back and I didn't get sick,
• 2:25
  Speaker 6: but I had like PTSD from you guys being sick,
• 2:29
  Speaker 6: So I was like this place just just kind of.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: Like stayed away from the oysters.
• 2:32
  Speaker 6: Yeah, just try to eat like the most bland food. No,
• 2:37
  Speaker 6: I mean I have a very bland diet to begin with.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: You get chicken, fingers and fries.
• 2:42
  Speaker 6: Uh basically. Yeah. But it was just like I'm just
• 2:45
  Speaker 6: uncomfortable in that city.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: Brought my own PB and is uncomfortable in that city.
• 2:49
  Speaker 6: But it was great to see, like I saw some
• 2:51
  Speaker 6: old buddies, so it was it was.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: It was a lot of fun.
• 2:54
  Speaker 7: Is Nolah the best dirtiest city in the US.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: It's so dirty, the dirty ones.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, number one dirtiest sitting in the US.
• 3:01
  Speaker 8: I'd say it's definitely had like the biggest and the
• 3:03
  Speaker 8: most recognition.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I feel like a Dirty Boys.
• 3:06
  Speaker 6: Broadway can be considered pretty dirty.
• 3:08
  Speaker 7: I wouldn't even put those in the same Yeah, was
• 3:10
  Speaker 7: a streak, there's like a smell everywhere.
• 3:14
  Speaker 4: A fragrance.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's the most popular dirtiest city.
• 3:18
  Speaker 7: Yeah, you can throw like a Portland in there, but
• 3:20
  Speaker 7: like I'm I have no desire to go to Portland.
• 3:22
  Speaker 6: But you know, how's Saint Louis.
• 3:24
  Speaker 4: Saint Louis clean.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: It's got some dirty parts, but yeah, for the most part,
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't say Saint Louis is close to New Orleans.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: Philly's pretty dirty Philly.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: Philly seems like a dirty, little.
• 3:33
  Speaker 6: Bit gritty, Like I feel like Philly's is more gritty
• 3:36
  Speaker 6: than it is dirty, if that makes sense.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, a lot of grit fighter mentality there.
• 3:43
  Speaker 4: They probably New Orleans.
• 3:45
  Speaker 8: Dirtiest destination city in the world.
• 3:48
  Speaker 9: He really keeps it.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, nice and dirty.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: The weather down there was actually pretty good.
• 3:53
  Speaker 6: It was like seventy five eighty, but it wasn't humid
• 3:56
  Speaker 6: it also it felt really good.
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: Oh that's nice. That's nice. Would you do anything special
• 4:01
  Speaker 4: this weekend?
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we celebrated, uh a little Scottie. Joelee turned one.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: She turned one last Wednesday twelfth, Yeah, November twelfth, she
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: turned she turned one last Wednesday. We had my uh
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: my dad in town with Stephanie. We had my brothers
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: in town with their significant others. Cody by the way,
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: Cody just got engaged, so have a have a sister
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: in law. And then uh, yeah, Charles's parents. Charles's parents
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: came over. So it was very rare moment to have
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: the grandparents, the brothers, everybody kind of like all in town.
• 4:34
  Speaker 4: Nice little dynamic hanging out.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, whyott is on the clock.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: Why it's on the clock.
• 4:39
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I did his girl come?
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: Why at the trip?
• 4:45
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Morgan.
• 4:47
  Speaker 9: What'd you'll have on the menu?
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: Arcouterier board? Oh board? Some cookies, a smash cake?
• 4:54
  Speaker 9: What's a smash cake?
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: Cake? Coud you just smash and eat with your hands up? Yes,
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: it's one year old Boycott. He was very weary of
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: the smash cakes. She didn't really. We were trying to
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: like put the frosting and stuff in her mouth to
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: taste it, but she she didn't care about those smash cakes.
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: She wanted the rich crackers that were close by. Good good, Yeah,
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: it's strong.
• 5:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I know I've talked about this quite a bit
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: on this show, but the addiction my oldest child has
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: to sugar needs to be studied. She is so obsessed
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: with and we try to like keep her away from
• 5:22
  Speaker 4: sugar for the first three years. Was pretty good about it,
• 5:25
  Speaker 4: and I think it just it just harbored everything because
• 5:28
  Speaker 4: it is it is insane to watch itis right now,
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: menace about it. She's a menas, great kid, outstanding individual,
• 5:34
  Speaker 4: but it's like it's crack. Sugar is cracked to that child.
• 5:37
  Speaker 9: Yeah, she old for you to throw.
• 5:39
  Speaker 7: I don't know if there's like these like hacks where
• 5:41
  Speaker 7: you can like put an ingredient on candy, like whether
• 5:44
  Speaker 7: it's like a vinegar substance, where like she would have
• 5:47
  Speaker 7: a bad reaction, which is like I.
• 5:49
  Speaker 9: Don't like candy.
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: That's a that's a Yeah, she's too old for that.
• 5:51
  Speaker 4: She's too old. Set her, she's too quick, yeah, yeah,
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: she's yeah, she's too aware of what's kind of going
• 5:56
  Speaker 4: on right now. Oh win rebel. Dude, Uh my weekend,
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: I mean, dude, forty eight hours. We flew Wednesday, flew
• 6:04
  Speaker 4: to New York, flew back Thursday morning, spent lunch with
• 6:07
  Speaker 4: my family, flew to Arizona Thursday and night. I had
• 6:11
  Speaker 4: to handle a little something something over there. But after
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: I handled that something something me Tanner, his wife, his
• 6:17
  Speaker 4: wife's kids, Jack and Scotland, which, by the way, I
• 6:20
  Speaker 4: have no idea what I did to those kids. I'm
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: their favorite person in the entire world. I am their
• 6:24
  Speaker 4: favorite person. Scotland is six five or six, and then
• 6:28
  Speaker 4: Jack is in that three four category. But they were
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: just they stayed up late to see me. Yeah, and
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: like we play like they had a ball and it's
• 6:35
  Speaker 4: just like it's just it's the power of yes with them, dude,
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: you say yes, you play with them. They do things
• 6:40
  Speaker 4: that their parents get mad about. But I'm just hey,
• 6:42
  Speaker 4: we can kind of do whatever around here, right.
• 6:43
  Speaker 8: You have the look of if I was ages four
• 6:47
  Speaker 8: to nine, I would be like, Yo, this guy is
• 6:50
  Speaker 8: the coolest person to ever exist. Let's smaller than everyone,
• 6:53
  Speaker 8: he has tattoos, and you just never know what's going
• 6:55
  Speaker 8: to come from gives high five.
• 6:57
  Speaker 4: Ye oh oh yeah, and you just got to fine.
• 7:00
  Speaker 4: Like with the younger kids, especially when starting to get
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: out of the agehe I'm like, oh, I got to
• 7:03
  Speaker 4: actually be cool for her to So that's a taking
• 7:06
  Speaker 4: time bomb for us. But everybody under the age of eight,
• 7:09
  Speaker 4: I do. I find one thing that they're obsessed with,
• 7:12
  Speaker 4: and I just beat that ship into the ground with roots.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: The high five. Yeah.
• 7:15
  Speaker 4: At tigh five with Scotland Tanner's daughter stepdaughter, it's cartwheels
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: meet and her trying to watch me do the splits.
• 7:22
  Speaker 4: If I try to just splits in front of her,
• 7:24
  Speaker 4: she think it's the funniest thing in the world. And
• 7:25
  Speaker 4: Jack's just a homie bro, little Jack, He's awesome. Me
• 7:28
  Speaker 4: sit there and be like, man, I kind of want
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: a boy. Yeah, I kind of want a boy. He's
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: a little psycho.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: Boy did that?
• 7:32
  Speaker 4: We go to zips Man.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: Photo.
• 7:36
  Speaker 4: It was the best I've had. It was the best
• 7:40
  Speaker 4: I have ever had. Just continues to exceed expectations, continue.
• 7:44
  Speaker 4: It just keeps on, dude. Just when you think like
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: we've had enough of it, I'm sure it's gonna not
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: taste as good as time it is.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: I go not that thing out.
• 7:51
  Speaker 4: I'm in a full suit, and uh, it's Tanner's sister, Valentina,
• 7:56
  Speaker 4: her kid Madeline's there with both her kids. And Tanner
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: was doing this already, golfing. I don't think this is
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: something that does more charity work than Tanner. I don't
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: know if he ever actually raises money, but he's always
• 8:05
  Speaker 4: on like a hunt or a golfing or whatever, but
• 8:07
  Speaker 4: he's always doing that. I get the zips waiter comes by.
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: We exchanged pleasantries about our mustachers. He's got one. I
• 8:15
  Speaker 4: complement him. He gives it back and I said, yeah,
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: I was actually fishing for one, so thank you, and
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: then I give him the whole spiel. Buddy. I don't
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: live here anymore, but I used to live here. This
• 8:23
  Speaker 4: is what I need. If you could just say make
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: it with love to the chef that being credible, and
• 8:27
  Speaker 4: he really did it, he truly did and it was buddy,
• 8:32
  Speaker 4: it's so fucking good. It's so good. And my foot
• 8:35
  Speaker 4: was starting to feel a little bit better. So I
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: treated myself a little bit. Yeah this foot man, get
• 8:44
  Speaker 4: back Friday. Put the I'm like, hey, I've been traveling
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: so much. Joan's like, hey, the next two days like
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: put your foot up and just rest your foot, Like
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: we have to figure out what the hell's going on
• 8:52
  Speaker 4: with this thing. So I rested for a couple of days.
• 8:54
  Speaker 4: Sunday night, my daughter has a rehearsal or not a rehearsal,
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: like I don't know this thing. She started a band
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: with two other girls and they wrote their own songs,
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: and this lady helped them write songs ladies paying the
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: piano of the ukulele. While these kids are like going
• 9:08
  Speaker 4: back and forth seeing not bad, I will say they
• 9:12
  Speaker 4: are not. It's not a bad club. There After that,
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: we go to Hugh Babies and I'm starting to feel like, Okay,
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: I can actually walk. I can't like press off my foot,
• 9:19
  Speaker 4: but I'm like walking without a limp and I'm like
• 9:22
  Speaker 4: a little milkshake kind of sound nice right now, baby,
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: once again, just falling into the trap that got me
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: in the situation again. And Buddy, I woke up this
• 9:29
  Speaker 4: morning at three am, foot ballooned up, go to stand
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: up to take a piss, and it's just fucking hell.
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: It is just hell. I've lost thirteen pounds. I am,
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: I am pray, I am, I am not I. At
• 9:43
  Speaker 4: one point in time, boys, I was a highly successful
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: Pro Bowl football player, possibly arguably the best tackle in
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: the NFL. Now I am just less than I am pray.
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: I'm a shell of myself. If a large gust of
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: wind take off when I'm outside, I might fly away.
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: Haven't worked out in three weeks. I look at my
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: body and I'm just like, what the fuck is this?
• 10:07
  Speaker 4: I look at the man, I'm just like, what are
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: you doing here?
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: Huh?
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: You're just oozing away? And I am dude, I am
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: getting to the point where I'm just I'm just always
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: in pain. I am always in pain now and it
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: just sucks and it won't go away and I can't
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: fix it. I've been on pain pills for like twelve
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: days straight. That's like kind of tight, because you gotta
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: feel kind of nice at certain times, but other times,
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: I've been through this game before. To come down is horrible.
• 10:35
  Speaker 4: My personality is like, how do we get more? And
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: so I'm just like fighting the good fight. And I
• 10:40
  Speaker 4: don't like where I'm at right now. November twenty twenty five.
• 10:42
  Speaker 4: I don't like where I'm at.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: You got one week to get it together, buddy.
• 10:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm I'm in the movie Saw. I'm in the
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: movie one hundred and twenty seven hours and there's a
• 10:52
  Speaker 4: knife staring at me right now, and I'm like, do
• 10:54
  Speaker 4: I just cut my foot off? It might be better
• 10:57
  Speaker 4: than what is happening right now. It is awful, bro,
• 11:02
  Speaker 4: It's awful, and it sucks too, And be like, oh Taylor,
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: oh no, what happened to your foot? You're in a
• 11:06
  Speaker 4: boot and I have to go hide?
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: Go out now.
• 11:08
  Speaker 4: I don't rough out, but I think I had gout
• 11:10
  Speaker 4: and I rolled in my foot and then I looking
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: at my my foot. I don't even know if I
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: actually tore a look at my foot. I'm just like
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: kind of sitting there and be like, they think this,
• 11:16
  Speaker 4: So I'm just gonna say it like that so it
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: looked like less of a bitch. There was a time dude,
• 11:20
  Speaker 4: when you would have a boot on after a football
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: game and it was low key at badge of honor, like, yeah,
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: I played through it, I'm gonna play next week. I
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: think about junior year in Michigan State, had a high
• 11:31
  Speaker 4: ankle sprain and a broken hand, and I was at
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: the bar at Rick's American Cafe, slugging beers in a
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: boot and a cast on my wrist, and there was
• 11:40
  Speaker 4: a piece of me that's like, you fucking earn this beer,
• 11:42
  Speaker 4: and what're you gonna do next week? You're gonna play Now.
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: I'm thirty four, and my kids are like chopping at
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: the bit, be like, hey, Dad, play with us. If
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: you could play Burgoin with us, just go on your knees.
• 11:51
  Speaker 4: And I'm like, I just truly I can't do it,
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: and I'm I'm on the couch. I'm withering away. I'm
• 11:56
  Speaker 4: slowly to tear. I take so much pride, dude, taking
• 12:00
  Speaker 4: care of my body because I've taken so many shots
• 12:02
  Speaker 4: in the head and I played so recklessly in football.
• 12:04
  Speaker 4: I know there's a vegetative state in my future, and
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: so I just try to stay ahead of the chains.
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: And here I am with a fucking boot on man,
• 12:12
  Speaker 4: Damn Mitch. A vegetative state is somebody that's in the
• 12:17
  Speaker 4: hospital can't like non responsive.
• 12:19
  Speaker 5: I didn't mean to say you're already acting.
• 12:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's accelerating, and I like to think I am
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: very conscious about my health. What I eat, it's how
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: I how I train, Like stay ahead the chains, cold tubs,
• 12:32
  Speaker 4: hot tubs, saw us get a little n ida every
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: once in a while.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: Like it's crazy to think a milkshake can take you out, bro,
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: dam Like that's where you are.
• 12:45
  Speaker 4: Man, I know, dude, I know, and it's like everything
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: you just said hurt. But it's like he's what what
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: am I mad about? Because there's truth and that's what sucks. Bro.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: I think you see how far you can go.
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: No, dude, let me tell you something. Know, Like I
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: like you guys, have you had gout? Has anybody here
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: had gout?
• 13:05
  Speaker 9: You're at the beach one time?
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: And what did he say?
• 13:08
  Speaker 7: I honestly didn't take it seriously because when your buddy's hurt,
• 13:11
  Speaker 7: you're like, thank god, you're being a bitch.
• 13:13
  Speaker 9: I know.
• 13:14
  Speaker 7: But then I'm hearing it from you and I'm like,
• 13:15
  Speaker 7: maybe I should have taken them more serious.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: Dude.
• 13:17
  Speaker 4: People some more empathy with people in the comments who
• 13:20
  Speaker 4: are listening to this right now. If you've had gout, please
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: explain to these boys what it's like.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: People are. People are I've been seeing people.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of aud was.
• 13:28
  Speaker 8: Like a World War two disease when I was first due.
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: It is literally it's the people call it the king's disease,
• 13:34
  Speaker 4: like in medieval times. That's legit how it looks, by
• 13:37
  Speaker 4: the way, except for the dude's left foot as crazy as.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: Well, drop a feet pick for the people.
• 13:41
  Speaker 4: But dude, and medieval times, kings and like higher end
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: people in these worlds would get them because they wouldn't exercise,
• 13:50
  Speaker 4: the heat, read and meat all the time, and so
• 13:52
  Speaker 4: it was literally like a distinguished disease they called the
• 13:54
  Speaker 4: King's disease. And I fucking hate it, man, I literally
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: I feel so defeated. I feel so defeated right now,
• 14:04
  Speaker 4: and I just don't I don't want to be the
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: guy that's on antibiotic every day. Wake up with my
• 14:09
  Speaker 4: fucking Onday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday pills and I have to
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: open it up, take it out and take that. And
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: if I don't take it then I get sick or whatever.
• 14:15
  Speaker 4: That's the start of the end, Like, how do I
• 14:18
  Speaker 4: fix this? How do I get it right? I've worked
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: so hard, and I know this is I listen bos,
• 14:22
  Speaker 4: you guys don't deserve me just fucking vomiting on you
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: guys right now. But give me some time here. I
• 14:27
  Speaker 4: have worked so hard since my football career has ended
• 14:29
  Speaker 4: of trying to get my gut health back in order
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: because of all the steroid packs and all the pills
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: and all the things that the tourtal shots over and
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: over and over again I've done. I've tried so hard
• 14:40
  Speaker 4: to fix those things. I've taken a steroid pack in
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: the last couple of weeks. I'm on this uric acid
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: thing right now. I'm taking tram it all and I'm
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: just looking at myself like, bro, you're going to fuck
• 14:49
  Speaker 4: your gut up again. If not, it's already fucked up
• 14:51
  Speaker 4: and it sucks.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: Onward.
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: Somebody else tell me something bad that's happen to them
• 14:56
  Speaker 4: misally JP, I'll.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: Say this, Yeah, I mean, back's not the backs on
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: all the way there, but I'll say this. Since eight
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: thirty this morning, I've had twelve missed calls from spammers,
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: Like there is a there's an epidemic right now, like
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: spam callers good, and I don't know what to do.
• 15:09
  Speaker 7: One two minutes ago and I've had four since I've
• 15:11
  Speaker 7: been on this bus.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: Do I've blocked like forty numbers and they just keep coming.
• 15:17
  Speaker 9: Bro, I feel better that you're getting them.
• 15:18
  Speaker 7: But all weekend, I legitimately probably got thirty plus spam
• 15:21
  Speaker 7: calls messages galore, and I'm like, did I die enroll
• 15:26
  Speaker 7: in something where they ship my number out?
• 15:28
  Speaker 9: It is so frustrating.
• 15:30
  Speaker 4: The problem is, too, is if I heard, if you
• 15:32
  Speaker 4: ignore it, it's actually better than blocking it because if
• 15:34
  Speaker 4: you block it, they know that's an active number, so
• 15:37
  Speaker 4: they go and send it off to other places.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: I heard.
• 15:40
  Speaker 4: I heard something to think about. But hey, thank you.
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: I know you guys are dealing with a lot now too,
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: and it is annoying. Bro, Yeah I bet I bet
• 15:50
  Speaker 4: it sucks. Yeah.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's probably the worst thing going on right now
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: for people besides gout. Yeah, I mean having to ignore
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: my phone and put them on silence send them in
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: the voicemail right right before the holidays. Yeah. It's frustrating, man,
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: it's annoying. Yeah, but yeah, that's that's probably the worst
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: thing going on right now that I'm dealing with, I
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: think Scotty could be. Is there such thing as like
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: a twelve month sleep regression.
• 16:19
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we'll talk about it.
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: There's always some sleep regression. So like six times trying
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: to you know, just quieter, down, down, Like, dude, why
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: are you yelling? Bro? Get with your ship?
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: Figure it the fuck out?
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: Then?
• 16:32
  Speaker 8: How far away is she from talking? When do kids
• 16:34
  Speaker 8: start talking?
• 16:35
  Speaker 4: She should be getting going.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: She gets dad dad, Yeah, Gaga.
• 16:41
  Speaker 4: Lady Gaga a big fan of her.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: She can go, she can do the snake noise. So
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: seems like we're close.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: She's fluent.
• 16:51
  Speaker 4: Dude, Willow was talking quick. Like, if I had Willow
• 16:56
  Speaker 4: first and then Win second, I'd be looking at when
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: what's going on here? But because I had to win that,
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: will was just like kind of they're always around each other.
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: Start talking real fast, start walking real fast. It's dope
• 17:06
  Speaker 4: that you got Scotty to one though. I feel like
• 17:07
  Speaker 4: this year is flown by for y'all.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: Celebration. Man, get the kid to survive for a year.
• 17:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you've made it. Like at this point, it's on them. Yeah,
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: you just gotta you can walk now. Yeah, make a sandwich, dude,
• 17:20
  Speaker 4: and get a job those types of things. But yeah, dude,
• 17:26
  Speaker 4: gout fucking still doubtful. I'm still goutful. And it's just
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: like I just want to feel good, dude, I just
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: want to feel good. Have I not earned that? And
• 17:36
  Speaker 4: then Jared's dumb ass he go I walk in and
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: I'm like, hey, guys, I'm in such a bad mood
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: today that actually I'm in a good mood. Like it's
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: it's reversed to me, and Jared goes, isn't there like
• 17:45
  Speaker 4: a super rich hospital you can go to that fixes it?
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: I go, Jared, do you think he's like some sort
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: of aluminum like cloaked group of people. I just go
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: drink some child's blood, and all of a sudden it's fixed.
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: Because if there is point me in that direction, dude,
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: I need to fix.
• 17:59
  Speaker 7: This in his mind, though he legitimately believes there is
• 18:02
  Speaker 7: that hospital.
• 18:03
  Speaker 4: No doubt, and still it Jared and I, man, we've
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: had a little bit of we've had a back and
• 18:12
  Speaker 4: forth last week or so. There's there's gotta be mare
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: if somebody has an Illuminati type of crew that is
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: interested in having me be a part of it, and
• 18:24
  Speaker 4: I am the most vulnerable.
• 18:25
  Speaker 8: I could be right now, it exists for sure.
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: I gotta believe. Bro, how's Brad Pitt look that good?
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: Saying?
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: I took a little selfie video this morning, like a victory, Hey,
• 18:33
  Speaker 4: victory Monday. Got myself a black coffee, Michigan hat, throw
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: on saaleball, all that thing. I'm looking at myself in
• 18:37
  Speaker 4: the selfie video thing, and I'm like, look, how old
• 18:40
  Speaker 4: you look?
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: Dude?
• 18:41
  Speaker 4: You haven't slept eight hours in three weeks? Like hours?
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: You look good? You look good, buddy, trying to give
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: you some optimism. Thank you.
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: I feel like shit, though slowly withered away. You cannot
• 18:53
  Speaker 4: cure gout.
• 18:57
  Speaker 8: Not yet, bro, not yet be the first.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: Can you go back to that jack?
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: Click off that.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: You're on the yuric as? Are you staying hydrated?
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: I could use more.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: Let's get some more high purine foods in your diet.
• 19:13
  Speaker 4: What is purine?
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: What is that?
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: Who knows?
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: Sounds like dog food?
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: Purina Tailing says to me the other day, She goes,
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: have you been drinking more to the type of Water's
• 19:21
  Speaker 4: like if someone does can in water. The alkalis ball,
• 19:26
  Speaker 4: they said, the gout and then it went away and
• 19:28
  Speaker 4: I'm like, dude, I'm all about unique styles of health
• 19:32
  Speaker 4: and wellness. I'm bigging the juices and the turmerics and
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: all that stuff. But my mental headspace where I'm at,
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: I'm thinking, what the fuck are you talking about?
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: Dude?
• 19:42
  Speaker 4: What water?
• 19:44
  Speaker 8: Yeah, plastics, We've crossed the line with waters. There's way
• 19:47
  Speaker 8: too many waters that get too many waters, too many water.
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: You have to get a cankin water system in my house.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: But I need it.
• 19:53
  Speaker 4: I need it.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: You can probably get it.
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: Probably just point me in the door from that Luminati
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: crew and I'll get that done.
• 19:58
  Speaker 7: It says best foods for Cherry's, Vitamin C, coffee, skim milk, water.
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: Okay, good, I'll those thirteen more pounds the next week.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: Get you some cherries, man, Yeah, I do.
• 20:09
  Speaker 4: I used to take tar Tart cherry pills and I've
• 20:12
  Speaker 4: recently just reordered it. But I haven't had meat or
• 20:15
  Speaker 4: like red meat in three weeks, two weeks. Whatever it is.
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: I just don't understand, man, Yeah, I don't understand.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: You'll get there.
• 20:23
  Speaker 4: You think, so, yeah, like this camp.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: Maybe because you've had you've had a few situations just
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: with your foot, because I want to say you had
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: something going on when you're playing on that last year your.
• 20:32
  Speaker 4: Foot was like, Bob, that was my first bout of gout.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's when was the last one? Was? How
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: long ago?
• 20:38
  Speaker 7: Was?
• 20:38
  Speaker 4: That is my third season not playing football?
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah so three years ago. You've had some episodes and
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: as somebody too, like you take care of yourself as
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: much as anybody, so knowing that it's like a diet
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: type thing, it's very surprising. I know.
• 20:51
  Speaker 4: Here's what I have to do, dude. I truly have
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: to understand that my life of eating junk food it
• 20:57
  Speaker 4: has to be over in order to be happy. And
• 20:59
  Speaker 4: that's sucks because I have to rewrout my brain. Like
• 21:02
  Speaker 4: Thanksgivings right around the corner. I'm terrified. I'm terrified of
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: our Thanksgiving day.
• 21:07
  Speaker 5: One day.
• 21:10
  Speaker 4: It was one day yesterday, dude, I'm not joking, Mitch.
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: I was on the ups. I was like, oh, I
• 21:14
  Speaker 4: might not wear a boot do work tomorrow.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: I might be.
• 21:16
  Speaker 5: I might be.
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: I might put my trucks back on. I might put
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: my vans back on. That's how good I was feeling.
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: I'm out there playing air hockey with my youngest thumbmeater,
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: but like we're getting we're getting after it, having a
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: good time.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: And Bro, do you think your those shoes are could be.
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: The shoes could be a fact.
• 21:32
  Speaker 4: That's a structural thing, though, But I've been doing it
• 21:34
  Speaker 4: my whole life. Might have flat feet. It's not like
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: I need arch support. I have no arch in my foot.
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: I have no arch. Yeah, little flippers. Bro Will loves
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: talking about my thumbs and my feet.
• 21:46
  Speaker 7: Bro.
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: Yes, she was a significant factor. Fuck dude, No.
• 21:51
  Speaker 9: You might have to get some like Hoka or something.
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Bro, get some old guy shoes. Man, get them
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: clouds start walking. Yeah, I get some.
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: I remember, dude, I remember being at Michigan and the trainers.
• 22:06
  Speaker 4: I was having foot paint because I was wearing a
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: Dida shoes. I didn't know at the time, but my
• 22:09
  Speaker 4: freshman year of college football, they're like, hey, I think
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: the problem is you're wearing vans all the time. Like
• 22:14
  Speaker 4: you shouldn't be wearing vans. You need something with more
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: art support. And I think I was like, I'd rather
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: kill myself basically did not wear vans. And here I am, dude,
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: thirty four years old, and I have to while you're
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: telling me I can't wear the number one thing I
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: associate myself with as far as like clothing goes.
• 22:34
  Speaker 6: Would you rather stick with Vans and still have foot
• 22:36
  Speaker 6: Is shoes or have to change up your style?
• 22:39
  Speaker 4: Bro, it sounds like I'd rather change up my style.
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: I can't live like this, dude, I cannot live like this. Answer, thanks, Mitch.
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: I know, I'm sorry, man, that's song. Yeah, man, I'm just.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: No, it's okay. I I we were talking earlier.
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: So you called me a vegetable like five minutes ago.
• 22:57
  Speaker 4: You're already there.
• 22:58
  Speaker 6: I phrased that wrong. I said, you're it's getting closer.
• 23:02
  Speaker 6: But what we were saying earlier this morning, it's like
• 23:04
  Speaker 6: you're in such a bad mood that it's almost like yeah, it's.
• 23:07
  Speaker 4: It's like almost Actually it's funny to me where I'm at.
• 23:09
  Speaker 6: Yeah, but like we're just no, just nowhere, all on
• 23:11
  Speaker 6: your side. If you need anything, let us know, right.
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: Yeah, years aund my team and that actually really means
• 23:19
  Speaker 4: a lot because I feel so alone right now, dude,
• 23:22
  Speaker 4: I'm finding this fire so alone, right Yeah, Yeah, it's awful.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: Should we get into some spicy road tier talk and
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: best compliments to give your significant other?
• 23:31
  Speaker 4: Nothing transitions better from gout than that. So yeah, let's
• 23:33
  Speaker 4: do it.
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: Well, maybe some optimisms, you know, throw out some ideas,
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: just get out of the conversation.
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: Let's get out of there. We're going to make our
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: own together, Like we're all gonna think take this one.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think we can. We can all throw stuff
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: out there. I think you look gorgeous. That could be
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: on the list right tier three. Yeah, well here's I
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: think you look stunning. You look gorgeous.
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: But here I like those. This is where I think
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: it takes it a step above. Like you're in a
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: regular converse sta like you get home from work and
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: may how is your day? And she just starts talking like, hey,
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: by the way, you look out standing today.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: Like you you look really.
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: Good, and she's like kind of like throwing back off.
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: She goes really and You're like, yeah, Like why would
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: I just say that?
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know smooth?
• 24:13
  Speaker 4: That to me, that happens like five times a week
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: at my house.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: I like, I like looking at your and be like
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: dead ass is looking right?
• 24:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll have that thing looks crazy.
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I don't know if she likes it, but in
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: my mind, I'm thinking this is a huge compliment, Like
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: she'll be you know, I might be coming down from
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: putting ruor Scottie down, she might be finishing up in
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: the kitchen. I'll just like walk up, say she's at
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: the sink, I'll just walk up behind her and just
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: whispering her You're like I need that, Yeah, and then
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: to do a little dry hump. Yeah. We'll just just
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: press it on her real quick, put it on her head. Yeah.
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: She'll be brushing with a zero sensation for them at all,
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: like the right cheetes. If I catch her like putting
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: the ad dish in the dishwasher, like brushing her teeth,
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: I'll just walk up behind, grab her hips and kind
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: of dry hump her a couple of times.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, will about to have a mug shot out there.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: Dude, hate to the married to the married man, you guys,
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: don't you guys, don't you know spontaneously dry you hump
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: your wife every now and then.
• 25:11
  Speaker 8: No, crazy, don't do that.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: I do.
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: Dude, like the you know in high school when like
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: you like are cuddling with a girl whatever, and you're
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: clearly hard as a rock, clearly and like you think
• 25:26
  Speaker 4: this is a good idea for me to press my
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: hips into him as much as possible, so they know,
• 25:30
  Speaker 4: like the options there if you want it. I still
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: love doing that. I still love being a gilet and
• 25:35
  Speaker 4: just be kind of chubbed up and just be like
• 25:38
  Speaker 4: fucking and it's got to be so annoying to them.
• 25:41
  Speaker 4: I'm just.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: But what's the compliment you're giving her while you're doing Yeah,
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: you got.
• 25:48
  Speaker 4: Nine years married, tyther N, nine years married, still fucking done.
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: You still still give me some Which sucks about this
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: show is I know that tales grandfather tales dad. He
• 25:58
  Speaker 4: listens to the show like Chuck listens to show religiously.
• 26:01
  Speaker 4: So Chuck, I'd like to apologize, but I do do that.
• 26:04
  Speaker 5: Is that like a compliment you still got it?
• 26:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a that's a that's a body language compliment. Yeah,
• 26:10
  Speaker 4: I think here too, action.
• 26:12
  Speaker 9: Speaking, I feel like a really good one too.
• 26:15
  Speaker 7: Is noticing a haircut or new nails, yeah, or clothing,
• 26:21
  Speaker 7: just any anything that like they have gone out of
• 26:24
  Speaker 7: their way to get done. That goes a long way
• 26:27
  Speaker 7: with women because for guys, it's like we're happy that
• 26:29
  Speaker 7: you're happy, but you know, no, we're not.
• 26:32
  Speaker 9: Getting pedicures and manicures.
• 26:34
  Speaker 4: You know, it's frequently unless you if you want eyebrows, eyelashes.
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: You're right too, especially clothing they get something new, like
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: Tar had a jacket going on. I'm like, you're mess
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: with that jacket.
• 26:43
  Speaker 9: Noticing it before they have different things.
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think is.
• 26:47
  Speaker 9: Where you hit the home run.
• 26:48
  Speaker 4: Hell yeah, dude, that's.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: A good stuff right there, Jack, good stuff.
• 26:52
  Speaker 8: Sitting hit a new little like hair dress combo on Saturday,
• 26:56
  Speaker 8: and I was like, God, they okay, I see you
• 27:00
  Speaker 8: and just that you could tell it went a long way.
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: God, dang, okay, I see you. Yeah. I need that
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: on the list as well.
• 27:06
  Speaker 8: God yeah, I love that.
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: Clump. You got one to add to the list.
• 27:15
  Speaker 10: Outside of them, my big one is like if Lynn
• 27:19
  Speaker 10: says she's like a busy day, I have to do this,
• 27:21
  Speaker 10: this or this. When I get home, I'm I try
• 27:23
  Speaker 10: to like hit back on those topics like oh wow,
• 27:25
  Speaker 10: like it's nice and cleaning here, it smells good. Just
• 27:27
  Speaker 10: kind of compliment like things she was stressed, things she
• 27:29
  Speaker 10: was stressed about.
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's good.
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, remembering remembering, Yeah, just like like appreciating the stressed.
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you guys don't like that one, No, no, no, no,
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: I do. I'm thinking in my head, like yesterday Dylan's like, hey, like,
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: I feel like I've been like a single parent for
• 27:46
  Speaker 4: the last couple of weeks. And I'm like, hey, you
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: really have, and I cannot thank you enough. Yeah, for
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: how I've had to deal with this, And it's really
• 27:52
  Speaker 4: I haven't been able to do a whole lot of shit.
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: So that's really big of you. And you could just
• 27:56
  Speaker 4: tell she was like she needed the acknowledgment, which I
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: think we all needed sometimes.
• 28:00
  Speaker 8: It was big before we hop off. The world needs
• 28:03
  Speaker 8: to know clumb had an aura dump on me just
• 28:05
  Speaker 8: a second ago. He has a pizza named after him
• 28:07
  Speaker 8: in his hometown local pizza spot.
• 28:10
  Speaker 10: It's a special pizza. It's called Theah the Clump Pizza.
• 28:13
  Speaker 10: It's a buffalo chicken pizza, but instead of buffalo sauce,
• 28:16
  Speaker 10: it is mango haamanaro sauce on the pizza. You get
• 28:19
  Speaker 10: a specially you got a pizza named every now and then.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: It's in the rotation. I'll show you a picture of it.
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: Oh you were him back in the No no, no,
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: oh you were hold on hold on no no no,
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: Hey god, dang, okay, I see.
• 28:34
  Speaker 10: This is gonna turn so poorly bad of how it happened.
• 28:37
  Speaker 10: It's not because of my high school football playing days.
• 28:39
  Speaker 10: It's because my family goes there every Friday and they
• 28:42
  Speaker 10: just love our family. So like, just order the pizza
• 28:45
  Speaker 10: and he's like, no one ever orders this, this is awesome,
• 28:47
  Speaker 10: it's great. So they put it as a special and
• 28:49
  Speaker 10: it like sold out. So we always joke that was
• 28:51
  Speaker 10: all like I kind of created my own.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah you guys did. Man, that ain't a joke. It's
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: from eating pizza though, it's not from like anything.
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, what dude, you love you never worked a day
• 29:02
  Speaker 4: in your Life's.
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: Community universal shout.
• 29:07
  Speaker 6: I'm sure Will would love to have a pizza named
• 29:09
  Speaker 6: after him at home team.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: Would love that.
• 29:11
  Speaker 9: He's on Twitter every Friday.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we'll be We'll be back over Thanksgiving.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: I'll send you a picture of it.
• 29:19
  Speaker 4: The nice nice. I also have something named after me.
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: All right, onward, what what do you got a name?
• 29:26
  Speaker 4: That brown jug Southwest the Southwest Burger.
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: Tell us about the story. Man, let's hear the like Perry.
• 29:31
  Speaker 4: You guys know Perry and I played football there and
• 29:33
  Speaker 4: they're like Taylor on Southwest Burger.
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: That's what it is. That's awesome.
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: I think I think that's awesome. Yeah, hell yeah, dude,
• 29:41
  Speaker 4: thank you very much. I don't know. That's a good question.
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: I like to think. So I like to think. So,
• 29:53
  Speaker 4: what time does Nebraska Penn State play this week? So
• 29:57
  Speaker 4: we hope to be able to stream that as well.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we'll be on the stream. I'll be balls deep
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: in that Nitney Lions Huskers game.
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: Well, that'll be eleven am. We're streaming at eleven am
• 30:08
  Speaker 4: this week. Yeah, what do you mean we'll be on
• 30:10
  Speaker 4: the stream. I wish we were streaming for that.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: Oh, I wish we were streaming. Got you, got you? Yeah,
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: we'll be all right, we'll be solid. All right, let's
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: get into the final bite, brought to us by McDonald's.
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: New Buffalo Ranch sauce has arrived, and it pairs perfectly
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: with your snack rat, mccrispy sandwich and mccrispy strips. It's
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• 30:32
  Speaker 2: mild ranch. It's mild and wild at the same time.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: It's a sauce that balances itself and compliments our crispy chicken. Again.
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: This episode of Bust with the Broys is brought to
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: you by McDonald's and they're all new Buffalo Ranch sauce.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: There's a new sauce in town at McDonald's, tangy, creamy
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: Buffalo Ranch. Order now. And now we give our sharpest
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: takeaway heading into the weekend. Heading into the week, let's
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: say whether it's a bold prediction, a hot take, or
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: a storyline that's flying under the radar. The final bite
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: gives fans the one thing to keep in mind before
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: finishing their week and tuning in the kickoff as they
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: dip their mccrispy strips and this new Buffalo sauce denim
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: dipping in denim.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: I got a final bite.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: Oh oh okay, Mat Taylor.
• 31:17
  Speaker 6: My final bite is Taylor's gonna get over this gout
• 31:20
  Speaker 6: and this foot thing and it'll never happen again for
• 31:24
  Speaker 6: as long as he lives, and for whatever reason it
• 31:26
  Speaker 6: was just a spell. He's gonna be able to eat
• 31:28
  Speaker 6: whatever he wants, do whatever he wants, and it'll never
• 31:31
  Speaker 6: happen again.
• 31:32
  Speaker 4: It will never happen again. That is my favorite dude.
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: I would dip all day in denhim with that. I
• 31:37
  Speaker 4: would dip all day in.
• 31:37
  Speaker 9: That my final bite.
• 31:40
  Speaker 7: And I don't even take pride in saying this because
• 31:43
  Speaker 7: the Balls play the Gators in games of this weekend.
• 31:46
  Speaker 9: Historically we lose in Gainesville all the time, and then
• 31:49
  Speaker 9: we have Vandy.
• 31:50
  Speaker 7: So if the worst possible case scenario, my final bite Tennessee,
• 31:55
  Speaker 7: Nebraska and the Music City Bowl.
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: Oh sho would be electric bro.
• 32:01
  Speaker 9: Right right in Nashville we'd have to go to.
• 32:04
  Speaker 7: It'd be like the ninth Music City Bowl for the
• 32:06
  Speaker 7: Balls in the last two nurs.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: I'd love to get a link into Nashville.
• 32:11
  Speaker 4: That'd be awesome. And what's great about that is you
• 32:13
  Speaker 4: guys are supposed to play at the Debressos Like we're
• 32:14
  Speaker 4: not playing guys.
• 32:15
  Speaker 7: Yeah, next year, I don't want to talk about that.
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: JP clumb Do you guys have a final bite heading
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: into the weekend, because you guys already know what mine's.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: Going to be.
• 32:26
  Speaker 8: Yeah, I mean, after what happened to me this weekend,
• 32:32
  Speaker 8: one of the only things that could cheer me up
• 32:34
  Speaker 8: is that I the McDonald's breakfast for my final bite
• 32:38
  Speaker 8: after leaving that Texas A and M game.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: How I felt, how I feel right now?
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: What's your order? What's your breakfast order?
• 32:46
  Speaker 8: So I go back and forth between two things. I'll
• 32:48
  Speaker 8: give you this one. This is what I had most recently.
• 32:50
  Speaker 8: I was actually inspired by your tweet last week to
• 32:53
  Speaker 8: go get McDonald's breakfast and I got bacon or bacon sorry, sausage,
• 32:58
  Speaker 8: egg and cheese, bagel meal plus breakfast.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: Burrito, A little two for breakfast burritos.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: Bro.
• 33:06
  Speaker 8: The breakfast burritos are maybe the best fast food breakfast
• 33:09
  Speaker 8: burritos to ever exist. Yeah, I'm out there the breakfast
• 33:12
  Speaker 8: burrito streets.
• 33:13
  Speaker 4: Now you're in the community.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm in then.
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: And when you take a bite too, and there's almost
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: a little pop of cheese that comes into your mouth.
• 33:20
  Speaker 8: Yeah, and there hot sauce.
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: You're a bagel guy for your breakfast sandwich, over the
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: biscuit and over.
• 33:27
  Speaker 9: The mcgriddle bagels.
• 33:30
  Speaker 7: The Nashville McDonald's JP and like four people they like
• 33:33
  Speaker 7: called him out on Twitter McDonald's for bringing back the bagels.
• 33:36
  Speaker 8: Oh wow, I'm McDonald's had at the house.
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 33:40
  Speaker 8: And I was also a part of the snackcraft campaign.
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do remember that. A Rico
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: Bosco hit me up when he saw that tweet, like,
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: hoo fucking I'm getting I'm getting McDonald's, I'm getting mc
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: I'm getting McDonald's for breakfast on this Friday morning. He
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: was like, bro get the steak, egg and cheese bad,
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: trust me, and usually my order. I love getting the
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: sausage the breakfast burritos, and I like getting just for
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: nostalgia purposes, bacon, egg and cheese mcgriddle. And I also
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: got a steak, egg and cheese bagel. Like he was saying,
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: but it was very it was subpar, Like it was good,
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: But I feel like he puts such an expectation on
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: it because I'm not like for me on the McDonald's
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: it's mcgriddle and bagel sandwich or mcgriddle on biscuit sandwich.
• 34:23
  Speaker 4: On pancakes and either the hash Browns are all time.
• 34:29
  Speaker 4: Might be the number one thing on their roster in
• 34:35
  Speaker 4: that Orange high Sea.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: We might have to next the next final bite.
• 34:38
  Speaker 8: We might have to create a starting five and then
• 34:41
  Speaker 8: a reserve five, just like a basketball team starting five
• 34:45
  Speaker 8: on the menu, and then who's our bench on the me.
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I like that because they have a great roster
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: and that bench is deep. Yes, I mean. My final
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: take is We're gonna go into Happy Valley Saturday night,
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: double digit underdogs Nebraska TJ Latife. We take down the
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: Nitney Lion, Foxhole game, Foxhole game. Yeah, we got an
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: opportunity fish strong here. I will probably be ranked by
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: the time we play. Get the ranked. Win monkey off
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: our back against the Alwahaul guys.
• 35:11
  Speaker 4: I was ranked before they lost to USC. They're gonna
• 35:14
  Speaker 4: be out now.
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: You think they probably they might be able to snip
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: at twenty four to twenty five in there.
• 35:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it would be nice. Yeah, because you guys gotta
• 35:22
  Speaker 4: get that off your That's the next that's the next step. Yeah,
• 35:25
  Speaker 4: right there. My final bite hot take. If the Rams
• 35:29
  Speaker 4: and the Seahawks played again, the Seahawks win that game. Yeah,
• 35:34
  Speaker 4: they win that game. Bag, I think for your fortune
• 35:38
  Speaker 4: overs to Sammy D. What I hate for that game
• 35:41
  Speaker 4: is is my expectation in that game was for Sam
• 35:43
  Speaker 4: Donald to go in and be able to outduel Matthew Stafford.
• 35:48
  Speaker 4: But it ended up being more of a defensive game
• 35:49
  Speaker 4: than anything else, which is great. It's great for football
• 35:51
  Speaker 4: just how complete both those teams are. But for Sammy
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: D to have foreignerceptions, a lot of the haters are
• 35:55
  Speaker 4: gonna come out of the woodwork and be like, oh,
• 35:58
  Speaker 4: you know, he's really not great quarterback. He's had a
• 36:01
  Speaker 4: good year, but he's not like an elite top five guy.
• 36:04
  Speaker 4: I think those guys play again, and I believe they
• 36:06
  Speaker 4: they do play again, right, they haven't played twice yet,
• 36:09
  Speaker 4: so they will play again. I am taking the Seahawks
• 36:11
  Speaker 4: in that game. Mark it down right here.
• 36:13
  Speaker 8: Final final bite, keep Shane Beemer.
• 36:16
  Speaker 4: Final final Bite. Michigan makes the playoffs.
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: All right, Good to go boys, Big hugs, shiney kisses,
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: and enjoy Robert Gallery. This is an incredible interview. Listen
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: all two and a half hours of it, leave comments, subscribe,
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: Make sure you're subscribed. Big ug, shindy kisses. We will
• 36:30
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  Speaker 2: Let's get to the Robert Gallery episode that has brought
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  Speaker 2: easy to enjoy. Enjoy this interview with Robert Gallery.
• 40:07
  Speaker 4: Play Joe.
• 40:08
  Speaker 9: Let's give it up for our guests today. We got
• 40:10
  Speaker 9: a two time.
• 40:11
  Speaker 4: All Bank Ten, one time All American Outland Trophy winner,
• 40:14
  Speaker 4: and a man who has had an incredible story that
• 40:17
  Speaker 4: we're gonna break down on this beautiful Tuesday morning. Let's
• 40:20
  Speaker 4: get up for Robert Gallery. Excited to have you on.
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: Right before we started, we were talking about the ego
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: and the Big ten going around right now. Yeah, and
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: if Robert would have been a great guest to have
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: on before leading up to the Iowa game, maybe after
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: the Iowa game. Talking about Michigan football. A lot of
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: Big ten energy in this bus right now.
• 40:41
  Speaker 4: A lot of big Yeah.
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: I was looked tough this year.
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they're doing well. I was back last week for
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: the game and just to seem steamroll through that. It's nice.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: It's nice to see when you don't just squeak it out,
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: but they're rolling. That quarterback makes a big difference for
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: them and they're a fun team to watch. We're moving
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: the ball and you know it's Hawk football.
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: We got God to beat your ass at the end
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: of the year.
• 41:01
  Speaker 4: Nine and one so far the last ten. Yeah, I
• 41:04
  Speaker 4: was one the last ten. Great school. I feel like
• 41:08
  Speaker 4: you guys' rivalry, it's like it's a rivalry, but there's
• 41:10
  Speaker 4: a level of mutual respect in it. Is that Am
• 41:12
  Speaker 4: I correct in saying that.
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: Respect is a big word?
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: I think, yes, it's yeah, O, there's but it's a rivalry,
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: rivalry that kind of like came about or kind of
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: gets forced in whenever we made the move to the
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: Big Ten, as I would in Nebraska, going to play
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: at the end of the year every season from here
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: on out. But it's there. I wouldn't say that there's
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: like people love each other right, true, but.
• 41:35
  Speaker 4: People are also understanding, like if your kid wanted to
• 41:38
  Speaker 4: go to Iowa at the end of the day, you
• 41:39
  Speaker 4: would be okay with it.
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: I personally wouldn't. Some some folk in Nebraska might be
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: okay with it.
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: So I did, I did hear that? And the sad
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: part is, I guess I have a great My wife
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: played for the women's basketball team there. We have a
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: great relationship with that no at Iowa. Okay, yeah, no, No,
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: wouldn't have married her. I mean another start. But we
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: have a great relationship up with the head coach there,
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: and I know you have two girls and we were talking.
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: We were just back and we were just talking with her,
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: you know. So they are ready to see your girls
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: come up. And they actually sent a bunch of stuff
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: for you. That is so sweet. You know, there's some
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: women's basketball T shirts. I threw in a Kirk Farance
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: poster just because I figured you put it up somewhere.
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: But I know you'll do it's best for your girls
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: and get him ready to go be a Hawkeye.
• 42:26
  Speaker 4: That is so coind. Not a lot of people come
• 42:28
  Speaker 4: on this show and give out gifts. Let's get it.
• 42:30
  Speaker 4: That's so sweet. That is so cold. What do you say? Well,
• 42:34
  Speaker 4: what do you is it signed?
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: Some you smalls?
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: You know he's won a few games, you know few.
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: I respect this. I respect this. I respect it so
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: much that if you guys beat us, I'll post a
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: photo with Rue with this little phone paper.
• 42:52
  Speaker 4: That's a wild just walking. I told Will's got to
• 42:55
  Speaker 4: gross hair for a year, and it looked like the
• 42:57
  Speaker 4: world was coming down to him. You're giving a gift
• 42:59
  Speaker 4: and you're like, if I lose, I'll have ru hold
• 43:01
  Speaker 4: this up. No problem.
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: I just respect the U. I just respect him being
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: on his toes coming in the bus. Yeah, fair enough.
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: At A little bit might be too that I did
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: take a recruiting visit to Nebraska. I never got offered,
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: So there might be a little bitterness in our relationship
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: with that or did not.
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: But that's because you were probably you were an athlete,
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: right right, Yeah, No, I was was Gallery that came
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: to be Robert Gallery, all American all that stuff, like
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: you know who was the head coach at the time
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: of Nebraska.
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: You know, that's a good question. That was at I
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: don't even remember. Don't remember that trip.
• 43:36
  Speaker 4: Early two thy ninety ninety nine was when you were
• 43:39
  Speaker 4: a senior in high school. That's wild because you don't
• 43:42
  Speaker 4: you look our age, which is really upsetting for me.
• 43:45
  Speaker 4: And so you you're from Iowa, you go to Iowa?
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: Was it?
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: Ever?
• 43:49
  Speaker 4: How many offers did you have?
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: It's like four Purdue Northwestern, Iowa State and Iowa had four.
• 43:56
  Speaker 4: And I was clearly like you wanted to go to Iowa.
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: I did. My older brother played there. He was an
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: all big ten punter there from ninety three to ninety six.
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: So I was hanging around the university. I was hanging
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: around the program, all the guys that were there, the
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: Tim Dwight's, the Jared Devrizes, the So I'm in the
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: dorms as a junior high kid hanging out with these guys.
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: So in my mind, it was like, this is where
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: I want to go because I knew the culture and
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: I knew all the guys. You know, It's it's cool
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: to be recruited and go check out the other places.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, I knew I
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: was going to Diowa.
• 44:24
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it didn't matter what other school offered you if
• 44:27
  Speaker 4: it was like an Alabama SEC school, Michigan Michigan.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I don't. I was an athlete, right, I
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: played basketball. You know, I was a second state in
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: the high jump. You know, I ran the four by one,
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: but I.
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: Wasn't the one.
• 44:40
  Speaker 4: This is fucking out of control.
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so we were, you know, we were How were
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: you jumping? I still have the school record at six
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: or five? Yeah, I mean I could. I had some hops, now.
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: Dude, that is nuts.
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So I was an athlete, right, So I wasn't.
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: You didn't turn on my VHS tape that I sent
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: all these schools and see like this killer football player.
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: He saw an athlete that could run. You know, my
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: high school we didn't. We didn't throw the ball either,
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: So I'm they showed me blocking, that's for sure, because
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: we would go entire games and not throw the ball.
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: But I wasn't high. Michigan wouldn't have sniffed me. I
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: sent them a VHS tape. No return call.
• 45:13
  Speaker 4: Really, And what were you wainning when you got to Iowa?
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: I showed up about two hundred and thirty pounds, soaking wet.
• 45:19
  Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, so there was you had a red shirt
• 45:21
  Speaker 4: year on the horizon.
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: No problem for you, for sure. It was my senior
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: year high school. I was right at two ten, and
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: they told me when I showed up, like, you need
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: to put some pounds on. So before we weighed in,
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: I drank two gallons of water. Been on that program, yes,
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: So I was like two thirteen, just full of water.
• 45:39
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: But by Christmas my first year, I think I was
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: two seventy five or two eighty. I got on that
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: lifting program and that eating program. They're like, when you
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: wake up, you drink a protein shake in the middle
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: of the night, and if you wake up again, you
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: drink another one.
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: Dude.
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: But we had that Chris Doyle program. Chris Doyle was
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: our string coach and we had his program of putting
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: lean mass on and it worked.
• 45:58
  Speaker 4: Now as Chris Doile, the streak coat was he there
• 46:00
  Speaker 4: for a very long time with Kirk Farence, he was
• 46:01
  Speaker 4: there for a while.
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: He was there for the first year when Kirk started.
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: So ninety nine is when Kirk came, Chris Doyle came.
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: That's when it all started. When I my first year
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: and Chris had was there for fifteen plus years, eighteen years.
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: Where was Dobson at at the time, James Dobson. So
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: that's a mutual connection that we have.
• 46:17
  Speaker 4: This whole thing got connected, correct.
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, dob hit me up and I was talking
• 46:21
  Speaker 2: to me about Robert Gallery and knowing that Dobson he
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: started at Iowa before he came and was our head
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: strength coach at Nebraska, So you knew about all the
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: Doyle programming. I'm sure we were doing a lot of
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: the stuff in Nebraska that you guys were getting into
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: and doing because Doyle was like ahead of his time
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: in the strength training program. But but yeah, Dobson because
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: he had to have been young.
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and he was assistant ninety nine. He came with
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: Doyle and he was there my entire career until they
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: moved on later on. He was there quite a few years.
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: But yeah, James, James is the best. We kept in
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: contact over the years. And yeah, he learned from that,
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: the Doyle stuff and then put his own stuff into it.
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: And he's just a great human being.
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: That was his like authority figure vibe that young as
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: an assistant.
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: You know, you look back on it, and we were
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: you know, obviously we were all a lot younger. You
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: look back at pictures of Coach Ferrence in nineteen ninety nine,
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: you're like, yeah, holy Kyle. But James, James was a
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: young guy. We were all just trying, right, they were.
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: They were trying to put in their program and we
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: were bad right nineteen ninety nine, we were one to ten,
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: you know, my red shirt year, right, So everyone's trying
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: to bring in the toughness. But it was Coach Doyle
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: and James like bringing in that like if you don't
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: do it right, get out the door, right, And it
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: was yeah, there was.
• 47:29
  Speaker 4: A week out the week type of mentality for sure.
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: And if you did stuff right, they loved you. Right.
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: It was it wasn't hard for sure, but those you know,
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: guys like me, we fed on that, you know, the
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: Iowa guys, the people they brought in for that culture,
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: that we fed on that stuff. And if they called
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: you out, you're like, oh you know, oh yeah watch this,
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah you know what I mean.
• 47:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, there're three California guys. They were like, I
• 47:49
  Speaker 4: gotta go, I gotta get that. I had to get
• 47:51
  Speaker 4: the hell out of here quickly.
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 47:53
  Speaker 4: So you're you're with fantasy read your your your first year.
• 47:56
  Speaker 4: The next year you're.
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: Starting started at tight end? Really, yes, true athlete, Yes I.
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: Was tighten you you can potentially claim being a part
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: of the group.
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: For a very small time. I think I had three catches,
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: one of which was at Nebraska. We ended up losing
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: that game, but I did have a catch in that game.
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: So my first year, my red shirt freshman year, started
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: at tight end, and then four games in they came
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: to me like, hey, we need to have a discussion,
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: and then I moved the tackle and the rest is history.
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: How did you like playing for coach Farents.
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: I loved it. He's the best is I was just back.
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: He's a guy I talked to regularly. He hasn't changed
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: since nineteen ninety nine. He's just the most steady, genuine
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: person you've ever met. Now you see him right, obviously,
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: he was twenty seven years younger when we first started.
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: But you see him now getting emotional. It's cool because
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: I knew him twenty seven years ago when we were
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: just trying to get a program turned around, right. He
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: was coming in. He was a young new coach or
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: newer coach, right head coach. And he's just the genuine
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: human being. There's no raw rah. It's it's everything he
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: says is meaningful and to the point and and just
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: just genuine. It's hard to say I took my son
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: back for training camp. You know, my son's in his
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: office hanging out with him. It's there's no like, oh,
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: Roberts here, we gotta fake this and make him feel included.
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: He's like, this place is your place, and your son.
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: Lincoln's so Lincoln's high fiving him, knocking him right, running
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: in and out of his office. He's just a genuine,
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: genuine human being. And you know that's why he's had
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: so much success.
• 49:27
  Speaker 4: And your son's name is Lincoln, very interesting in Nebraska, Lincoln, Nebraska.
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: You didn't think that comes back.
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: I did not think of that. I'm I'm a car guy,
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: so it's actually more after Lincoln Continental.
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: But now but now now he's gonna he won't be
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: able to help. But think about it now.
• 49:46
  Speaker 4: Now yeah, yeah, now from now on, Lincoln, I definitely
• 49:51
  Speaker 4: should name you Ford.
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: You for UH. Coach Faris was the first head coach
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: I had to call and basically say that I wasn't
• 49:59
  Speaker 2: coming to Iowa. And it was so painful, but he
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: was incredible to me. Whenever I made that call, my
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: parents like you have to call the schools like Iowa.
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: I was very much like considering Ira and they recruited
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: me hard and I had a.
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: Cool You said you were considering Iowa.
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was considering Iowa because my brother. So, my
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: brother was a year younger than me, and he was
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: a very good wrestler growing up. He was like he
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: was a senior national champion coming out of high school.
• 50:23
  Speaker 2: So when I would go on my recruiting trips, we
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: would take a you know, family road trip and We'd
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: hit Missoo because Miszoo had a good wrestling program. We
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: hit Nebraska because Nebraska had a good wrestling program. We
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: had Iowa because I was unbelievable at wrestling, So a
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: lot of a lot of majority of my decision. I
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: wanted to go to a spot to where I know
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: my brother could go and wrestle too, so we'd go
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: to school together. So Iowa was very much in the conversation.
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: I forget my recruiting coordinator, but had a cool relationship
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: with coach Farence. Super awesome dude. It's cool hearing you
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: talk about him, because he did seem very genuine, whether
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: I got to sit and meet with him, talk to
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: him on the phone. Doyle kind of intimidating, bald dude.
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: Like they had the chains going on everywhere in the
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: weight room. It just seemed like a spot where you
• 51:04
  Speaker 2: go and get yoked. Yeah, you get after it around there. Yeah.
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: Bubble.
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: They just had a bubble. They didn't really have an indoor.
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: I visited Iowa right after after Nebraska, so the difference
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: in facility was like you walk into the bubble and
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: it was a humid like you know, they didn't have
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: like an indoor very well.
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we were behind the times with the.
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: Behind the times, like we're building a new weight room.
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: But I had I had cool. I had a cool visit.
• 51:27
  Speaker 2: I had a cool visit at Iowa.
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's great, they're both. You know. My first day,
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: my first day at camp with the freshman coach, Doyle
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: was holding the bag. So it was just a freshman
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: and I'm a skinny, tight end, scared shit, let's right,
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: just want to come in and make it. And he
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: was holding the bag and I remember the first one
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: I came off. My hands slid up off the bag,
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: smacked him in the face, and my shoulder problems in
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: high school, and my shoulder came out of the socket,
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh God, is this for me? So
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: he's look staring at me, right, and he was a
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: massive man back then. He's staring at me. I just
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: jacked him in the face and I'm trying not to
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: cry because my shoulder came out and just had to
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: go back to the drills. And I'll never forget that
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: day because he looked at me and just told me
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: to keep your hands down. I'm like, yes, sir. She
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: was this massive, scary human being, But the greatest guy out.
• 52:11
  Speaker 2: There are the is the dorm situation? Was it called
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: the six pack?
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: We didn't have that then? Okay, yeah, no, I don't
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: know we had the dorm coach was too gritty for me.
• 52:23
  Speaker 4: Some could say that, yeah, the way you talk, how
• 52:25
  Speaker 4: I've trained with you. Yeah, I could see that.
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: Ye didn't the shiny lights.
• 52:30
  Speaker 2: Didn't have all the pretty stuff.
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: That's all right, dude?
• 52:32
  Speaker 4: Is it the Maybe the most scared anybody can be
• 52:34
  Speaker 4: in their entire life is your freshman year when you
• 52:37
  Speaker 4: go from high school to college and it's your first
• 52:39
  Speaker 4: workout with the entire team, not the freshman workouts, but
• 52:42
  Speaker 4: the first one. Like when I first got to Michigan,
• 52:45
  Speaker 4: whichevergus is the head coach we had Mike bar West
• 52:47
  Speaker 4: was just like world renowned head coach, and we did
• 52:50
  Speaker 4: like this tabata type of workout where it's like three
• 52:53
  Speaker 4: sets of twelve squad, three sets of twelve hand clean
• 52:55
  Speaker 4: like very high reps, high volume and also high weight,
• 52:58
  Speaker 4: and then we do like high perchase feeding. And by
• 53:00
  Speaker 4: the time we got to the hyperchery jumping, I was
• 53:02
  Speaker 4: like hit like a full body cramp, like dying. And
• 53:05
  Speaker 4: after that everyone started jogging out to the field to
• 53:07
  Speaker 4: go do our sprints and our running after that. So
• 53:10
  Speaker 4: it was like just a hell of a day on
• 53:11
  Speaker 4: a Monday. My bars walks up and he's got this
• 53:14
  Speaker 4: like super rasp, like he swallowed glass voice, and he goes,
• 53:17
  Speaker 4: welcome to Michigan. How do you leave my dick in
• 53:19
  Speaker 4: your mouth? And then walks away. I'm thinking, I got
• 53:22
  Speaker 4: to get the fuck out of here. There is no
• 53:24
  Speaker 4: way I'm going to make it.
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: This is not for me.
• 53:28
  Speaker 4: And then you had to go shower for the first time,
• 53:30
  Speaker 4: and then for all the boys, and you're like, do
• 53:31
  Speaker 4: I wear underwear? Do I not wear underwear? Like it's
• 53:33
  Speaker 4: a dude, it's a mental warfare.
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: Is when you go in like I think we did,
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: Like we were not grown men, right sky, you know.
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: And you walk in and Colin Cole he came from Florida.
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: He was a grown man when he showed up as
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: a freshman, and I'm like, I gotta play against this guy.
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: I mean, three and twenty pound yoke dude from Florida.
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: And I remember thinking, oh my god, this is not
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: going to work.
• 53:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, dude is yeah, we have bring it is of mind.
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: Fuck did you walk in there. You're not developed whatsoever
• 54:03
  Speaker 2: compared to the college the grown men that are in college.
• 54:06
  Speaker 2: You're skinny, got a little pecker. You're walking the shower,
• 54:08
  Speaker 2: just fear, fear, fear, who's gonna look?
• 54:11
  Speaker 4: Maybe they are, maybe they aren't. You accidentally look at
• 54:13
  Speaker 4: another guy. He's black. It's way different than yours.
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: We got good story, cold tub story, but we had
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: uh Khalil Hill. He came and just stood at the
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: top of the cold tub and said, I'm gonna get
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: here and get to see what it's like to be
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: all you white boys. We were just just standing at
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: the top of the top of the coach the helicopter.
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: In the helicopter, I remember thinking, oh my lord, what
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: is this.
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: You're like, You're like, I'm going to keep my shorts
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: and spandex and everything on. Yeah, terrifying. What's it like
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: to be you guys?
• 54:43
  Speaker 4: Yes, Jesus Christ, What what was the moment You're realized, Oh,
• 54:47
  Speaker 4: the NFL is a real option for me as a player?
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: You know, Honestly, I was so you know, and this
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: sounds easy to say now, but I was so in
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: the moment the entire my entire career. It wasn't until
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: after my junior year. A great junior year. That's we
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: were eleven in one season Orange Bowl before we went
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: down to the Orange Bowl and got throttled by USC.
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: But that's another story. But great year, right, Brad Banks
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: is our quarterback. Our offensive line was five guys that
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: ended up playing in the league. After that season, coach
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: Ferns brought me in and you know, he said, hey,
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: there's guys are going to be calling you. There's a
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: chance you could come out early and probably be in
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: the top ten. And honest to god, till that point,
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: I had no idea. Really did I know I was
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: playing well? Yes, but it was I was so in
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: the moment till that point. I wasn't thinking about you know,
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: I wasn't the kid that showed up in college like
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: this is my step to the NFL. Right do you
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: watch that stuff and be like I want to play
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: in the league for sure? But it wasn't on my mind.
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: I was just worried about getting better and better. And
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: it wasn't until my junior year when coach brought me in.
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: He's like, you know, it's your choice. You know, could
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: probably be a top ten pick. And I was remember
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: thinking like really. You know, it sounds dumb or ignorant,
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: but I really I really hadn't thought about it because
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: it was just enjoying the process of what we had
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: been doing to that point.
• 55:57
  Speaker 2: And too, it's like it's early two thousands now, like
• 55:59
  Speaker 2: you got all this social media and everything going on
• 56:01
  Speaker 2: like you do now to where everybody knows absolutely everything
• 56:04
  Speaker 2: for sure.
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we had dial up internet, I remember. I remember.
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, now there's combines for eighth graders, right, exactly.
• 56:08
  Speaker 4: Getting combined as nuts.
• 56:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah it is.
• 56:12
  Speaker 4: Well, so what did you end up leaving earlier? Did
• 56:14
  Speaker 4: you end up staying first?
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: I stayed. Yeah. It was one of those things. I'm like, oh,
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: I don't you know, I want to get my degree.
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: You know, I was the old school Iowa farm kid.
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: My parents told me go to school and get your degree. Yeah,
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: so I wanted to get my degree. And I said, well,
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: can I get I'm gonna I'm going to get better,
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: right because I didn't think I was that good yet, right,
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: And coach said, yeah, I see you being better. I
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: see you'd be able to be a you know, a
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: top one or two pick, right, Like that's what we
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: shoot for for you. And so I was like, great,
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: like them, I'm here, Sandy.
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, how do you feel like that infiltrated your brain?
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: Like your ego?
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: I mean it was.
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: It was because you going from not being like not
• 56:49
  Speaker 2: you were aware that you're good, but being that good
• 56:52
  Speaker 2: or seen from NFL scouts as like oh if I
• 56:55
  Speaker 2: had left, I could be a top ten pick. Now
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: you know it. Coach is also saying like, I think
• 56:59
  Speaker 2: you could be one or two if you stay another
• 57:01
  Speaker 2: you can get this much better here, here, and here.
• 57:03
  Speaker 2: How does that affect you going into your senior year?
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: I mean it was tough. It was. That was the
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: point where I kind of switched to to. Up to
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: that point, it was just having fun. Right my first
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: few years, you're getting your ass kicked, right, you're just
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: trying to make it. First day, I first day they
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: moved me to tackle. I'm going against Fred Wakefield versus Illinois,
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: who's a senior and a beast All American. Just hoping
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: to not give up a sack. To my junior year.
• 57:24
  Speaker 1: We're dominating, but it's just fun. So that started that
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: senior year was when it was like, oh, there is expectation,
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: Oh I am pretty good, and that's kind of when
• 57:33
  Speaker 1: it crept in, it's like I need to be perfect, Like, oh,
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: I'm that guy. So you know I could have sixty
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: nine of seventy plays on film. Now I can say it.
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: Back then I would never, but now I can say
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: it that I, you know, dominated those sixty nine plays
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: and had one bad one and it would ruin it
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: for me. I'm like, I'm supposed to be I'm supposed
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: to be the guy that's perfect, and it's so unrealistic,
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: but that's how my mind thought, right.
• 57:51
  Speaker 2: You're probably like I want to be the greatest to
• 57:53
  Speaker 2: ever do it.
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: Well, it was that was just my mindset, like like
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: we all right, you just grind and grind and grind.
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: It's like that's great, Like this, oh I achieved this
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: great moved to the next thing, right, You never really
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: thought about that because it's like, okay, well that's great,
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: big deal next.
• 58:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And so I mean it was still fun, but
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: it was definitely more, you know, more pressure. I thought
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: about it more. It's like, you know, in a game,
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: to where something would happen, my hands will be wide,
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: Oh he got me. Whatever next plan will go killing
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: to where something would happen. It would ruin the rest
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: of the game, I'd be stealing. I don't know that
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: can't happen to me like this.
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the rest of the week when you're watching films,
• 58:30
  Speaker 2: like even for me, like when I was seeing like
• 58:33
  Speaker 2: be where I could potentially be a late round pick,
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: like before the season and everything else, and agents are
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: trying to talk to you, like it infiltrates your mind.
• 58:40
  Speaker 2: Like we were in the locker room last week and
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: Clay was kind of like, I bet you were the
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: man at Nebraska, and like, how were you in Nebraska.
• 58:46
  Speaker 2: I'm just thinking, like my senior year kind of feels
• 58:48
  Speaker 2: like a blur because I feel like I didn't enjoyed
• 58:51
  Speaker 2: in a way like I look back, I'm proud of
• 58:54
  Speaker 2: how I went about everything, but enjoyed in such a
• 58:56
  Speaker 2: way to where I felt like the man or was
• 58:58
  Speaker 2: having all this fun. Like I just felt like I
• 59:01
  Speaker 2: wanted to be drafted so badly to where any bad
• 59:04
  Speaker 2: plays it would like ruin your damn weekend.
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: Absolutely. Scott Pioli was a GM at New England at
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: the time, very close friends with coach parents, and he
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: had visited that week and I kind of, you know,
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: lost it, but I was talking to him about it, like, oh,
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: I got him, you know this, I messed this one
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: play up. And I remember him leaving me his business
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: card at my locker and on the back he wrote,
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: lighting up Francis right, because he was talking to me
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: about like, dude, relaxed this, it's fun, like you're playing great,
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: Just go out and do what you've been doing the
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: last couple of years. But I was so intent on
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: everything has to be perfect because now I want to
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: be this right when they threw that out there, oh
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: you could be you know, you could have been top ten,
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: you could be at the top of the draft. So
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: now that that's a new goal and anything that affected
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: it would affect me for days and weeks. But it
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: was still fun and was still able to you know.
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: I was the level of competition too. I was still
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: playing very well, But it was just the mental part
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: of it.
• 59:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah, the mental park definitely as soon as expectations get
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 4: put on you, because when you get to college, it's like,
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 4: how do I just put myself in a starting role
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 4: or a contributor at the very least, And you do that,
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 4: it's like, how awesome is this? And I'm wearing a
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 4: uniform in college and playing and then to slowly but
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 4: sure like their expectation. After expectation, you continue to move
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 4: the goalpost for yourself, but it ended up working out.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 4: You go second overall to the to the Raiders. What
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 4: is like in the early two thousands, what is the
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 4: draft process like for you? Like combines? Is it still
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 4: in Indianapolis?
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: Yep, still an Indie. So go to the combine, you
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: know the typical and it.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 4: Was sounds like you went nuts based on your high
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 4: school athleticism.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I did. I did well. You know the one
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: thing that is true, Yeah, the one I ran very well.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: I want to say it was sub five electronic. I
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: think four eight nine handheld was what they had me.
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: And so I ran well, jumped heavy?
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 2: Are you at this point?
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: I weighed in at three twenty.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 4: Unit, almost one hundred pounds more than the first day
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 4: you walked in Aisle?
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: Exactly? Did the I remember, I won't forget the bench press,
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: so did the bench press and in the I don't
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: remember what team he was with at the time, but
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: he had a big ego and he said I was
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: bouncing right because they I was a fast bencher, like
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: as fast as I can. I'm like, I'm gonna go
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: in there and put up you know, this many thirty
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: some as fast as I can. Well, he didn't count
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: a bunch of them, and he's like, nope, because I
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: was going too fast, so you got a pause. So
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: I remember coming out, right, So I've tuck to the
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: media right after that, and I'm pissed off because he
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: counted twenty six, right, so that was not the standard.
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: I think I did thirty four, but he didn't count
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 1: eight of them, so I'm pissed off about that, right,
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: So that was the whole combine. I remember stewing on
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: that the rest of the entire combine, trying to do
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: interviews and meet with gms, and all I can think
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: about it is like, this motherfucker didn't count these many
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: reps in my bench press.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 4: So I think four sounds way better than twenty six.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: Well sure, yeah, yeah, I'll be hot too tight. Yeah. No,
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: So it was you know, combine. It was. It was great.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: It was you know, not what it is now. Obviously
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 1: there wasn't all the cameras, so that was great because
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: you know, you just go in there and you did
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: your stuff. When we got out of there, and I
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: ended up showing that that guy in the bench press
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: when we I redid it at Iowa. There, it's a
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: good story behind coach Doyle coaching on that one. Yeah,
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: they came to Iowa. So we have our pro day
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 1: and he's like, all right, we'll show them. We're gonna
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: do thirty two and then you're gonna stop and rack it.
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: So scouts come in. I come in. They set it up.
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: Had one bench with you know, forty five on each plate,
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: aro on each side. Next rack had two forty fives,
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: next had three, and next had four. So I sat
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 1: down with the one and did a bunch of reps.
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: Moved to the next bench, did a bunch of reps.
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: Now I've got three plates on each side, two a
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: few reps, four plates on each side. Knocked out like
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: three of them. Then went and sat down and did
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: my my test and did stopped every I mean arrogant,
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: but stopped every single time. Stopped one thousand and one,
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: did thirty two of those, racked it and walked out
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: the door just a big They're watching me warm up,
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: and like you know, when I sat down at the
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: bench with four forty five's on the side there, I
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: can remember them looking what is this kid doing. Doyle
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 1: was like, we got a plan, just do it, sat down,
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: knocked out a couple of those, did my reps, and
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: walked out the door.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 4: I love that, dude. Oh this is uh the RAS score.
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 4: RAS is relative athletics score. And you're at perfect ten.
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 1: Interesting, I've never seen that.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 2: There you go.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 4: If that's a little ego booster for your right here.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 4: Can't get better than ten, brother, can't get better than ten.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: And you got you got to give sub five out
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 2: of your language.
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: That's a that's a four nine perfect.
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you ran a four nine. Yeah, that's a four nine.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Sub five doesn't sound as good.
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 2: Short shuttle four eight three, that's quick.
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: We had we had some good teaching coach Doyle and Dobson. Yeah,
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: oh yeah, those guys knew how to teach that. And
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: the you know, the athletic ability helped. But those guys
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: were great teachers, man. I owe the credit to them.
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 4: What is this stuff we would do, Adopson, where the
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 4: pushing and the pulling of the sleds? What was it
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 4: called gpp GP. Did you guys do gpp at Iowa?
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 1: Huh?
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: All right, I'm sure they did some version of it
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 2: at Iowa. Again, like sitting down in the whole recruiting process,
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 2: like my dad was a sick o working out growing up,
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 2: like the Franco training and different things, so I kind
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 2: of understood some West Side bar bell and a lot
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 2: of those variations in concepts of training. And everybody was
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 2: super high on Doyle. So getting to sit down and
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 2: listen to Doyle speak and then getting the train with
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 2: Dobson throughout my career in Nebraska, like it did feel
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 2: like they were you guys, I will I remember all
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 2: my visit, you were the only school that had the
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 2: tendo units happening at that point. And so obviously Dobson Nebraska,
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 2: we're getting those tendo units to kind of measure your speed,
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 2: power velocity. So very much like ahead of like I stayed,
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 2: I wasn't a combined guy, but just staying and training
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 2: with coach Dobson throughout to get ready for Pro Day
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 2: and everything else, Like, yeah, they are very good teachers.
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 2: You never run the forty. You're always doing like tens
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 2: and twenties, and you never cap out to where you
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 2: know you're like I have no clue what I'm going
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 2: to run, But yeah, I enjoyed. I enjoy training with
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 2: Dobson during that during that time getting ready for the
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 2: for the pro day.
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: Oh, they were ahead of their time. You know. Yeah,
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: they're way ahead of their time. Well, here we go.
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 2: Is this a real thing or is this AI? Hold
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 2: on a second?
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 4: Four six two you lie?
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 2: People have different versions. We can call Dopson right now
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 2: and he said four five four five six electronic.
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 5: Electronic doesn't mean your phone is this?
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 1: Oh perfect? Ten? I see you here, he said.
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 2: Oh, and it's not even a team for Tailor, it's
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 2: Pro Bowl.
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah, dude. When I went to the combine, I was like,
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 4: this is I'm going to excel in this. It was
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 4: definitely my my world.
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 2: Uh, just the the short speed, the short shuttle, like
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 2: four four nine is great, Like four four nine is
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 2: awesome for a left tackle of your size. Yeah, you
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 2: just knowing you hit you're in the four threes like
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 2: that is incredible.
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 4: Dude, the short shuttle. It's funny that Will brings it
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 4: up because Will in twenty eighteen when Will came to
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 4: the Titans, we worked out with Dobs in the summertime,
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 4: so we would run together, we do these GPP things.
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 4: We would do this French eccentric work that Rex would
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 4: always put us on. But whenever we would do the
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 4: short shuttle will beat me like edge me out by
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 4: like this much barely get me, we would always me, hey,
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 4: you must be pretty fast, I'm pretty good at that.
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 4: It was always wils like go to daniel A caring
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 4: from me like you're pretty QUI because I'm really good
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 4: at these.
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 1: It was cheating, and back then it was cheating. Kevin
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: Casper broke some all time records at the combine, but
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 1: it was almost cheating because there was a certain the
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 1: first step was a certain way.
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 2: There was a two step those first five yards.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 1: And it was it was cheating. Even the three the
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: way you.
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 2: Jump around that that the tip of the yl, the
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: way you like jump around and get around. And there
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 2: are some like certain skills that if you just sit
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 2: there and practice it and can perfect it, it's you
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 2: get shaved so much off of your time.
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, after I read my forty of the combine, I
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 4: don't think I cared about anything else. Like we jumped,
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 4: we did broad jump, vertical jump, and then it was
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 4: forty and the way they set it up was there
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 4: was like the I was o l twenty three, so
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 4: I was number twenty three, and then the first group
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 4: was one through twenty two. So I was the first
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 4: one to go and run the forty in my group,
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 4: and I was I was shitting myself. I was so nervous.
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 4: But once I ran, I knew I ran under four nine,
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 4: I was like, fuck, the rest of this can kick rocks. Right. Well,
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 4: I remember doing the l don't we're doing the short
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 4: shuttle and you spend so much time, like you right
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 4: the five ten five, it's like two three, Yeah, through
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 4: like two steps and then you try to get to
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 4: the other side on three. But yeah, as soon as
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 4: I ran the forty, I was like, nothing else matters anymore.
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 4: That's all I really wanted.
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that would come mine up so much too, right, Like,
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: you get to that point.
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 4: Everything to you talk about the expectation like you're so
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 4: like all that matters is the combine, and once combin's over, you're.
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 1: Like tweak, tweak to hamstring, like two weeks before right now, Yeah,
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: this is the biggest job in review my life.
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: Doyle's like relax, you know, Toyo and James like you'll
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: be fine, Like just we'll get you out there. But
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: same thing. I got through that felt great, and I'm
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: like the rest of this is, I'm good the same
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: thing and knew knew it was good. I looked up
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 1: somebody gave me the thumbs up. I'm like, I'm great. Yeah, yeah, move,
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: I know I did fine, it's all yeah.
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 4: But you were at you were in Oakland for actually
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 4: before we even get into Oakland, the drafting thing that
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 4: you're there for Kirk Farance, and it's like beginning part
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 4: of his career that's obviously lasted as long as it has.
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 4: Do you have any like great Kirk Farens stories that
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 4: maybe no one really knows the early days.
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think they were just right. They were trying
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 1: to figure out who they were. But I had a
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 1: line coach and Joe Filben. So when I got to
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 1: college in high school, my mom would cut my hair
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 1: high and tight, right haircut. Every week. Mom would fade
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 1: it up. She did a real nice job on a fade.
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: But get to college, right, poor, Yes, I'm on scholarship,
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: but I got no money. We're living in the dorms,
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: got nothing. So I started growing my hair out all right,
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: So the hair is getting long, and my line coach
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: kept telling me every day had come in the office,
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: he cut your fucking hair. Cut your fucking hair. So
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 1: I one day I finally was like, man, you know,
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 1: I'm a young kid, right, still obviously a new player.
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 1: Go knock on Coach Farence's office. I'm nervous as hell.
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, coach. He's like yeah, it's like coach
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 1: Philbin keeps telling me to cut my hair, Like do
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 1: you care? Do you want me to cut my hair?
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 1: Just a scared little kid. Yeah, and he goes come
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 1: in here, walks in and he shuts the door. He goes,
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 1: I'll get shit, what your hair looks like. I just
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 1: want you to play good football. Let's copy that, coach.
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: And so from that point on. But no, he was
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 1: just he's the same guy the speeches you see now,
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 1: he was the same just go to work. It was
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 1: him and Doyle and Dopts. It was just like you
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: go to work, do things right, and you know they
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 1: love you, right. That's It's just that's the culture there.
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 1: So he wasn't. He's not a big flashy guy. He's
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 1: not jumping up on the surfing the team. He's he
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 1: is who he is, and I think that's what everybody
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 1: loved about him back then, and now you see it,
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 1: and that's what you really love about the guy. He
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: is just a genuine just the same guy, doesn't change
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 1: for anybody. Right, he's not buying into the new hype
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 1: and all this stuff. It's just the coach Farren say
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 1: that we knew. So that's that's probably you know, it's
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 1: typical of him, very not a big flashy story, but
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 1: it was you know, that's just who he was. Just like,
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 1: I don't care about that. Let's play football.
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 4: Being consistent for a quarter century, it is pretty incredible.
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 2: Any like initiation stories with the O line room or
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 2: as you being to a young cat, no, and what
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 2: line were you where you were like, hey, let's get
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 2: him uncomfortable like we'd have we'd have old lineman like
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 2: when we were fresh, when they come up and put
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 2: their leg up on the bench, they be button naked,
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 2: just try to make you feel very uncomfortable.
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 1: Well, we do a little bit of that right stand
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 1: close in the cold tubs. Some of the you know,
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 1: walk into walk into the meeting rooms and you know,
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 1: you graze up against a guy or a new young guy.
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 1: That's kind kind of kind of weirded out, but it
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 1: was you know, I wasn't a I wasn't big into that.
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 1: It wasn't a bunch of talking. It was more the hey,
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 1: we come in and go to work, right. I'd tell
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 1: the stories these kids, you know kids as I was older,
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 1: they were younger. You know, I'm sorry, I'm this or
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 1: I'm I'm tired and I'm not doing it. So I
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 1: told the story when I was Again, when I was
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 1: a freshman, we were learning to do uh cleans, overhead cleans, right,
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 1: so I do one. Well, I came too close to
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 1: my head and I caught my forehead with the bar
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 1: on the way up. Still did the clean while I
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 1: can just feel blood running down my face. So I
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 1: gash my head open, and Doyle and Dobson are looking
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 1: at me, and I'm just like put it down, and
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 1: I kept going and like you all right, and I'm
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 1: like wiping all the I mean, he's running.
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 4: Down my field like the most badass ever, right.
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 1: And they're like, go get that checked out. So I
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 1: tell the story to the to younger guys like, hey,
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 1: we don't give a ship what you do, but you know, right,
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 1: something like this happens. I'm this tough. This is what happened,
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 1: and I kept going, well, when did you fix it?
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 1: Well after the workout. You know, It's just stuff like
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 1: that to make him feel like, oh, you're not You're
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 1: not as tough as you think you are.
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 4: Just then, yeah, you want to be tough. This is
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 4: how tough.
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 2: Just head butts the wall starts bleeding.
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And so you go second overall to the writers.
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 4: Correct who who had the first pick that year?
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 1: It was Eli? What was the the whole Eli? Philip
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 1: Rivers swap right.
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 4: So you're sitting there in the background going, I know
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 4: I'm not going number one. Let me just sit back
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 4: and hit this too, no problem.
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 1: Right, and leaning up to it right. It was just
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 1: you know, Eli's Eli's saying pre draft right where in
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 1: New York? Ended up going to New York? You know,
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 1: I'm you know, I'm probably not going to go there,
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, you know, I'm the smart asking back, like, shit,
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 1: I'll go number one. I don't give a shit, right,
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 1: you know you don't want to go there, I'll go there, right,
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 1: you know, not knowing where I would end up thinking
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 1: more four or five, But it was you know, that
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 1: was that was great because that took a lot of
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 1: the media attention. Right, I'm a small kid from you know,
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 1: small town Iowa. Went to New York for the experience.
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 1: Took my family. We were a fish out of water, right,
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 1: We my family did not belong in New York. It
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 1: was a fun experience, but we were just you know,
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 1: all that took away the you know, took all the
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 1: media attention. So that was great.
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 2: That's awesome when you're going when you're going into Oakland
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 2: to that franchise and you're coming from Iowa where you
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 2: had a lot of success. What was your first years
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 2: of experience like in a place like Oakland Cluse, you
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 2: guys were pretty bad, Like the Oakland Raiders were pretty bad.
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 2: It was very much the entire time you were there.
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was you know going in I'm sure like
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 1: for you guys, the first year was just for me.
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 1: It was just the joy of playing football and getting
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 1: paid for it. I mean, it didn't matter. We were
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 1: four and twelve. I believe my first year didn't matter
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 1: what the record was. I remember walking out in Denver.
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 1: It's nuking snow, right and I'm gonna cut off t
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 1: shirt and it's Newke and snow. I just remember thinking,
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 1: I get paid to do this. Right. That was kind
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 1: of the first year for me, like holy cow, like
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 1: we the the wins and losses didn't affect me as much.
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 1: It was just like holy shit, like I made it
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 1: to here. I get a paycheck, I get to come
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 1: do this every day. But you know, as time went on,
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 1: like you guys know, you know that the wins and
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 1: losses count, you know, and they matter, you know, and
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 1: and it messes with you. But yeah, we have we
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 1: had a ton of turnover, right we talked. I had
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 1: five head coaches in seven years when I was there.
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 1: Uh So that part of it. It was tough because
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 1: every year you start over, like every team does every year, right,
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 1: you guys talk about it on your show. Well we're
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: shooting for big things this year, right right, and every
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 1: year get you know, you got to buy into that, Well,
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 1: coach has gone up up, Let's learn a new offense,
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 1: let's learn a new system. So it was it was
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 1: fun to be a part of that organization and you learn,
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 1: you know, you only know what you know, right, you
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 1: know how it was done there. Uh So it met
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 1: a bunch of great guys and you know, there's some
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 1: great memories, but you do it to win, right, and
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 1: it's just unfortunately there wasn't a lot of much at
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 1: all winning. You know during my career.
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 2: There when you're a second overall pick and you're starting
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 2: to stack like as a team bad years. Given everything
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 2: that is known about Robert Gallery, when are certain moments
• 1:14:17
  Speaker 2: of pressure starting to affect you differently, whether it was
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 2: expectation living up to be in a second overall pick,
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 2: when was that starting to take place for you as
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 2: you look back on your career, you.
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 1: Know, I think going into my third year, So third year,
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 1: new head coach. Right, they brought back Artshelle out of
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 1: retirement from twenty some years. Right, So we have our offensive.
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 2: Coordinator coach, he was retired for twenty years.
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you didn't coached, I think it was for almost
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 1: twenty years.
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 4: Our classical Davis.
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 2: Glass. We're working. We're going to fire the second head coach.
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 2: This is the guy. Yeah.
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 4: Sometimes to go forward, you have to go backwards.
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then you know, so it is you know,
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 1: it is what it is. Right, Our offensive coordinator was
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 1: running a bed and breakfast in Idaho, I think, right,
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 1: So I think that was the year that it was like,
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 1: oh man, right, and it was you know, it was tough, right,
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 1: So we're we're putting stuff in and I think that
• 1:15:05
  Speaker 1: was year I didn't play well. That year, you know
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 1: had you know, Jackie Slater came in as a as
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 1: a line coach, and Jackie is one of the best
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 1: players to ever play, right, but he had a certain
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 1: way and it was one of those to where you're
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 1: going to do it this way. I tried to do
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 1: that way. It didn't work, and I did not play well,
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 1: you know, it was injured, did not play well. So
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 1: I think that was the year it was like, you know,
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 1: so then that's media is coming on and that's part
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 1: of it. I mean, you want to do well, but
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 1: it was you know, I'll admit I struggled that year, right,
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 1: trying to do the straight sets back and the thing
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 1: I'd never done and what I got successful at. So
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 1: at that point it was, yeah, it's tough, right, and
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 1: there you know, we're one and I think we're two
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 1: and fourteen. That year, you know, it was just bad, right,
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 1: So you know you're adding a year after year and
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 1: and as you guys know, right, there's you know, the
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 1: new guy comes in, they're supposed to you know, save
• 1:15:49
  Speaker 1: the franchise or you know, that's the expectation, right, the
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 1: unrealistic expectation. And then when you're not playing well, when
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 1: stuff goes bad, it goes bad. Right as a team, right,
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 1: we all looked That's that's what was great at Iowa.
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 1: When we were doing good, I look so good because
• 1:16:01
  Speaker 1: I had four other dogs next to me on the line, right,
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 1: and we were just that good that it made Robert
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 1: Gallery look that much better. Right. So when you're you
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 1: get in those other situations, yeah, it's tough, and you
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 1: want to win, right, and you don't want to year
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 1: after year be starting over. So some of the expectation stuff.
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 1: And then you know media, you know, now you got
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 1: NFL Network and all this stuff, and it's like now
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 1: it's in your face, right, And now you're around NFL
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 1: fans and they're great, love NFL fans, right, but they're
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 1: also seasons going bad. They're leaving a note down your
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 1: door telling you to get out of town. And it's like, oh,
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 1: this is this is a little different deal.
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah. And when you met your wife at Iowa, she
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 4: played basketball there, she comes with you to Oakland, I'm
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 4: assuming yep, how is she handling this pressure with you?
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 4: As like you get in this third year, you're starting
• 1:16:40
  Speaker 4: to think, am I going to get another contract? Like
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 4: the excitement of getting paid in the league is kind
• 1:16:44
  Speaker 4: of like now dwindled down. This is part of what
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 4: you do now. It's like I need to exceed this
• 1:16:48
  Speaker 4: type of expectation I have in my own head to
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 4: get this new contract because that's the new standard I
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 4: have of myself. People are leaving notes like how is
• 1:16:55
  Speaker 4: your wife and you handling this as a couple in
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 4: Oakland when you guys both from Iowa.
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 1: I think it was just we favre as part of
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 1: the gig right, it's a you know, we get it right.
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 1: Losing winning helps everything right for an organization, for a person.
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 1: But yeah, where there are tough times and you know,
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 1: nobody in that organization was happy those year in and
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 1: year out, right, So it was you know, we we
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 1: dealt with it, you know, like everybody else. Right, it
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 1: was just back to work. I didn't try and put
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 1: too much thought into it, like, but like we do,
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 1: we get on something and you're you know what bothers
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 1: you because you want to be successful, you want your
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 1: team to be successful. You want to write, and I
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 1: just kept going deeper.
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 1: After the third year, I went back and trained with
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 1: with Doyle and Dobson. I went i with City and
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 1: lived at my buddy's house and trained with the with
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 1: those guys two days, two times a day, and just
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 1: kind of going back to the you know, the things
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 1: that made me successful. And you know, and then the
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 1: next year Tom Cable comes in and you know, great
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 1: coach and an you know, things get back. We're doing
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 1: better as a team. You know, he's my style of play.
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 1: So you just I don't know, you don't really dwell
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 1: on it. You don't have time to think about it.
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 1: You just do what always made you successful, and that's
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 1: just go back to work.
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 2: Well. At what point in your career was it was
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 2: the image starting to shift from he's going to be
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 2: our savior, drafting him second overall to where the noise
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 2: of bust and he's not playing well. Is that popping
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 2: up going into the third year like when you were
• 1:18:14
  Speaker 2: like when you're like when you're explaining that, you know,
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 2: people are leaving notes on your door or now it's
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 2: in your face, like what are the moments that you're
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 2: thinking about to where you felt like the shift was
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 2: now starting to come, like I have to fucking play better.
• 1:18:27
  Speaker 2: This pressure, this expectation started to come with all this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 1: It was probably that third year, right because it was bad.
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 1: I mean it was offensively, it was terrible for everyone,
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 1: you know, as a team. So after that that year,
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 1: I think some of that was right, you get you
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 1: know now NFL networks and I only remember the guy.
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 1: I don't even know where the guy is now or
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 1: but Jamie Dukes was on there. I guys probably don't
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 1: remember him.
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I recognize the name of.
• 1:18:48
  Speaker 1: So he was on NFL Network and that's the first
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 1: time I saw it. Happened to be watching NFL Network
• 1:18:53
  Speaker 1: and he's you know, we're one in eight at this time,
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 1: and you know, he he came on and you know,
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 1: was bad mouthing us, and it's like, oh, that's like
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 1: he's talking about me. Yeah, you know, so it was
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 1: you know, after that year.
• 1:19:05
  Speaker 2: But then you know, in the moment, I if like
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 2: if stuff's like written in it's like at me, I know,
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 2: as a as a player, and you're singing for the
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 2: first time, like you're enraged, right, Like I would be
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 2: like I'm just thinking these well in the.
• 1:19:20
  Speaker 4: World we grew up in too, It's like we have
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 4: the social media was in full force. So like, you
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 4: go after a game and you make the mistake of
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 4: putting your name in the search bar and you see
• 1:19:28
  Speaker 4: all the comments. Man, you see maybe you have a
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 4: good game. You see seven comments are like this guy
• 1:19:32
  Speaker 4: had a good game. You're like, that's kind of nice.
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 4: But then you see two or three it's like this
• 1:19:36
  Speaker 4: guy sucks, he got beat on this plane, and you're like, dude,
• 1:19:39
  Speaker 4: they're right, Like there's a piece of you that like
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 4: agrees with them.
• 1:19:42
  Speaker 2: Before whatever. We're thinking, like, I wonder if my coaches
• 1:19:45
  Speaker 2: secretly feel this way, because that's really like, ultimately, you're
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 2: you're wanting to please your teammates, you want to please
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 2: your coaching staff because you know how much work you
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 2: put into it, and just that little bit of the
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 2: outside noise now would now have me thinking, I wonder
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 2: if my coaches, Like I wonder if these conversations are
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 2: being had and the coaches rooms and they're just you know,
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 2: you know it's not coming out to me in front
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 2: of me, but you just start playing these weird, these
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 2: terrible assumption games, right, it just starts infiltrating your mind, dude.
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 4: We had a it was twenty eighteen. I just got
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 4: off a suspension. Was it twenty eighteen?
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 2: I was spending?
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 4: Yeah, twenty nineteen. I got off suspension and we played
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 4: the Bills and we ended up losing that game. It
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 4: was like a field goal game, like twelve to nine.
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 4: They end up beating us. After the game, our head coach,
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 4: Mike Rabel, his notes were like somehow publicly brought to
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 4: everyone's iPad so you could see the notes that Rabel
• 1:20:35
  Speaker 4: put on the players. And the first play of the game,
• 1:20:37
  Speaker 4: we ran like this play action pass. We throw a
• 1:20:39
  Speaker 4: ball down the field fifteen twenty yards, I run down,
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 4: hit a guy late in the pile. I get a penalty,
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 4: brings us back. And the note Rabel had was why
• 1:20:47
  Speaker 4: are we paying him this much? And I remember seeing
• 1:20:49
  Speaker 4: that note just being like, that's I want to kill
• 1:20:52
  Speaker 4: myself right now. It was the word because you're already suspended,
• 1:20:55
  Speaker 4: you're coming back, and it's like the worst feeling. So
• 1:20:57
  Speaker 4: it brings up all those like do the coaches really
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 4: feel this way?
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 1: And you're just like, man, yeah, the good or they're
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 1: bad because it's funny. And then that's when you learn
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 1: about like mental health. Right, you didn't think of it
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 1: back then, but it was like you read that stuff
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 1: or you hear then you are start doubting yourself and
• 1:21:12
  Speaker 1: you press harder. But then you know after you know,
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 1: coach k Able came in, ran the system that I
• 1:21:17
  Speaker 1: was used to, Like we had a lot of success,
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 1: moved to guard was playing really well. You're six five
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 1: and six, six and seven right and after the season
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 1: and he's like, oh, you know, if we would have
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 1: won more games, you would have made the Pro Bowl.
• 1:21:30
  Speaker 1: Well that's great, thanks, but you know, it's it's the
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 1: same thing. It's like, oh, oh great, so you know,
• 1:21:35
  Speaker 1: people recognize I'm playing real well, but we were four
• 1:21:37
  Speaker 1: and twelve, right, so did you take this? It was
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 1: a double sided compliment. It was like, oh, that's awesome.
• 1:21:41
  Speaker 1: Then it's like, well that sucks right because we didn't
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 1: you know, because we didn't win games. Like so you know,
• 1:21:46
  Speaker 1: you're playing at a high level, but it's like, eh,
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 1: but it doesn't really count, you know what I mean.
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 1: Like the mental warfare of all that stuff, and.
• 1:21:52
  Speaker 4: You had so many different personalities, like obviously the owner
• 1:21:55
  Speaker 4: has his own unique personality. Jerry Rice your rookie year,
• 1:21:58
  Speaker 4: JaMarcus Russell. I think Lane came and was your coach
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 4: at one point. It had to be very unique walking
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 4: in this locker room and seeing all these different characters,
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 4: Like what was JaMarcus Russell.
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 2: Likes you and you said that. I'm like, oh shit,
• 1:22:09
  Speaker 2: you played with JaMarcus Russell.
• 1:22:11
  Speaker 4: That's the classic. They give him a playbook, right with
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 4: like a one hundred dollars bill at the end of
• 1:22:14
  Speaker 4: the playbook and he like never opened it up or
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 4: something like that.
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, something like that.
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 1: Game of Blank. Yeah, yeah, the story is a game
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 1: of blank disc to film. Yeah, it was, you know
• 1:22:25
  Speaker 1: part of it. You you know, I have compassion now
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 1: for a young kid coming is anointed the you know,
• 1:22:30
  Speaker 1: coming out of college. He's anointed the guy, right and
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 1: not everyone. Again, this is where we're old now, or
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 1: I'm old because I think of it compassionately about I
• 1:22:40
  Speaker 1: had a great family and a great you know, my
• 1:22:42
  Speaker 1: mindset coming in. I knew certain things where you see
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 1: certain kids coming now, right, and it's they don't have
• 1:22:49
  Speaker 1: maybe the mindset you do, or the upbringing or I'm
• 1:22:52
  Speaker 1: not saying JaMarcus had a bad upbringing. I'm just saying
• 1:22:54
  Speaker 1: his life experiences. So he's comes in, he's anointed this guy, right,
• 1:22:58
  Speaker 1: driving a Rose Royce and write all stuff I would
• 1:23:01
  Speaker 1: not do. It was it was all the thing of
• 1:23:04
  Speaker 1: making it to the NFL, and it was you know,
• 1:23:06
  Speaker 1: it was obviously a tough go. We had a we
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 1: had a lot of personalities come through there, right, you know,
• 1:23:10
  Speaker 1: we had you know, uh J Warne Sap played with
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 1: Warren Sap. Right, Warren was there at the end of
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 1: his career. Just You're walking into this locker room and
• 1:23:18
  Speaker 1: it's like, man, weird different people, which is cool, which
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 1: is cool for you know, NFL locker rooms. Yeah, but
• 1:23:23
  Speaker 1: it's also so Warren and I got along well. Warren
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 1: was great. Warren was not afraid to voice his opinion
• 1:23:32
  Speaker 1: good or bad to somebody. But you know, I'm still
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 1: a young guy. I think my favorite guy of all
• 1:23:36
  Speaker 1: time was Ted Washington, so big. Ted was there my
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 1: rookie year and Ted was the I don't know how
• 1:23:42
  Speaker 1: Ted is now. Ted was the biggest human being I've
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 1: ever seen. Right, puts his hand down at dtackle first
• 1:23:48
  Speaker 1: OTAs and he looks at me and he goes, don't
• 1:23:50
  Speaker 1: fucking touch me, or I'll kill you. So I'm a
• 1:23:52
  Speaker 1: rookie and I'm like, I gotta go. So I'm back
• 1:23:55
  Speaker 1: and forth, like what am I going to do here?
• 1:23:56
  Speaker 1: But I remember seeing his hand look like a bear Paul, right,
• 1:23:59
  Speaker 1: he put it down in the ground. So same thing right,
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 1: high school to college, college to the pros. And I'm like,
• 1:24:04
  Speaker 1: how am I supposed to block this human being? And
• 1:24:06
  Speaker 1: he just told me he's going to kill me if
• 1:24:07
  Speaker 1: I touch him. So I block him and he grabbed
• 1:24:09
  Speaker 1: me and he's like, I told you, don't touch me. Right.
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 1: But Ted was the greatest guy in the world. He
• 1:24:14
  Speaker 1: was just his personality, you know, Tyrone Wheatley, Right, Tyrone
• 1:24:20
  Speaker 1: was you know, blocked for him, so that some of
• 1:24:22
  Speaker 1: these guys when I was, especially a young guy, you
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 1: they were just that stuff I'll never forget. And the
• 1:24:26
  Speaker 1: guys that I looked up doing this is just a badass. Right.
• 1:24:29
  Speaker 1: Tyrone would tell me get out of my way. I'm
• 1:24:30
  Speaker 1: going to run through the middle of your spine and
• 1:24:32
  Speaker 1: he would, right, he would not cut around you, he
• 1:24:36
  Speaker 1: would he would come right through you. But those those
• 1:24:40
  Speaker 1: experiences in the locker room that made it fun because
• 1:24:43
  Speaker 1: coming from a small town in Iowa, right, we had
• 1:24:45
  Speaker 1: you know, experience and diversity at Iowa, but you know,
• 1:24:48
  Speaker 1: coming from where I came from, I go to Oakland
• 1:24:49
  Speaker 1: and it's just a different, different deal, you know. I
• 1:24:53
  Speaker 1: remember my rookie year had an old hootie had a
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 1: Ford or Buhicle saber that I drove in college. So
• 1:24:57
  Speaker 1: I took it with me. Right, and I'm at a
• 1:24:59
  Speaker 1: gay station off on ninety eighth Street getting gas because
• 1:25:03
  Speaker 1: it's cheap, right, And I'm pumping gas and one of
• 1:25:06
  Speaker 1: the guys on the team, the black guy, stopped and
• 1:25:09
  Speaker 1: he's like, what are you doing here? I'm getting gas.
• 1:25:11
  Speaker 1: I gotta work out. He goes look around, buddy, like
• 1:25:15
  Speaker 1: you're the only white guy here, like you should not
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 1: be getting gas here and right, So it's like this
• 1:25:19
  Speaker 1: big world for me. It's like, oh copy right. Yeah
• 1:25:22
  Speaker 1: he was dead serious, right, but it was like, oh,
• 1:25:25
  Speaker 1: looking out for you. I guess I'm not anyway anymore. Right,
• 1:25:28
  Speaker 1: So it's funny there's experiences like that, and then like
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 1: that bond that I created with him, He's like, I
• 1:25:32
  Speaker 1: got you, Like there's certain parts you you know, you
• 1:25:34
  Speaker 1: don't go here, you don't drive through right for whatever reason. Right,
• 1:25:36
  Speaker 1: this is this is not where you grow up. Those
• 1:25:39
  Speaker 1: relationships in the locker room were awesome.
• 1:25:41
  Speaker 4: You uh sot, Like, at what point in when you're
• 1:25:45
  Speaker 4: in the league are you starting to deal with some
• 1:25:46
  Speaker 4: of these like mental things you talked about the shoulder
• 1:25:49
  Speaker 4: early in your career that comes out your first day
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 4: at IOWA, Like you have these injuries ailments that essentially
• 1:25:55
  Speaker 4: like coaches just like playing football, Like they're gonna give
• 1:25:57
  Speaker 4: you the meadroll dose pack. They're gonna be the pain pills,
• 1:25:59
  Speaker 4: like we need you to play. So here's the band
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 4: aids over and over again. And obviously a big reason
• 1:26:04
  Speaker 4: why you're here is a lot of the mental health
• 1:26:05
  Speaker 4: stuff and all the things you have had to go through.
• 1:26:07
  Speaker 4: What at what point in your career did you start
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 4: to feel these things taking a toll on your body
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 4: and mind?
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah? I think you know two three years in it started.
• 1:26:16
  Speaker 1: I started having some injuries, right, Like I was a
• 1:26:18
  Speaker 1: warrior in college. You never missed anything, never missed a game,
• 1:26:20
  Speaker 1: never missed practice. Right when I went to the combine
• 1:26:21
  Speaker 1: and gave my medical sheet, there was nothing in there
• 1:26:23
  Speaker 1: because I never missed anything.
• 1:26:24
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:26:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I had injuries. I broke my hand, but I
• 1:26:26
  Speaker 1: didn't miss stuff, right, so like everybody else, you your
• 1:26:30
  Speaker 1: body breaks down or you have an injury, I had
• 1:26:32
  Speaker 1: a surge start having surgeries, right, so that stuff's wearing
• 1:26:34
  Speaker 1: on your on you mentally, right, you know, I'm three four,
• 1:26:38
  Speaker 1: five sixty seven surgeries in some of them big ones,
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 1: some of them little ones. And then as you know,
• 1:26:42
  Speaker 1: year four and five, as you know, I was like
• 1:26:45
  Speaker 1: you right, like I love the dirty part of the
• 1:26:48
  Speaker 1: game within the rules, but the dirty part the late
• 1:26:50
  Speaker 1: cleaning up piles, the chop blocks, to all the stuff
• 1:26:54
  Speaker 1: to slow a guy down from how he was going
• 1:26:56
  Speaker 1: to play. And so as these things are happening, right,
• 1:26:58
  Speaker 1: you're getting them off the ground after trying to cut
• 1:27:00
  Speaker 1: someone and you catch them on the side of the
• 1:27:02
  Speaker 1: knee and you're like, oh, you know, staggering drunk getting
• 1:27:06
  Speaker 1: back to the to the line because you're you know,
• 1:27:08
  Speaker 1: you got your bell rung.
• 1:27:09
  Speaker 4: Someone notices it. You're like, that's a shoulder. Yeah, you
• 1:27:11
  Speaker 4: always got there's always your guy in the corner that
• 1:27:13
  Speaker 4: has your back for sure. If you get your bell
• 1:27:15
  Speaker 4: run a little bit.
• 1:27:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And so as those things started having more lasting effects,
• 1:27:18
  Speaker 1: that's when I noticed, especially you know, you're six seven eight,
• 1:27:23
  Speaker 1: that's especially in year eight, I'm like, well, you know,
• 1:27:25
  Speaker 1: got my bell rung right? And I didn't have a
• 1:27:27
  Speaker 1: clue what was going on, right, and I did. I
• 1:27:29
  Speaker 1: had a knee injury earlier that year, the ego right,
• 1:27:32
  Speaker 1: So I knee injury, missed a game and I come
• 1:27:34
  Speaker 1: off and they're like, you know, that's when they started
• 1:27:37
  Speaker 1: taking the helmets or you know, if they took your helmet,
• 1:27:39
  Speaker 1: you're out. And I remember stagging off like it's my knee.
• 1:27:41
  Speaker 1: It's my knee, right because I missed a game well
• 1:27:43
  Speaker 1: for at MCL and he's arguing with me. I'm like,
• 1:27:46
  Speaker 1: it's my fucking knee right, like I'm fine, and and
• 1:27:50
  Speaker 1: so that went back in and it just wasn't all there.
• 1:27:52
  Speaker 1: So those those times to where then you get home
• 1:27:54
  Speaker 1: and you're dizzy and you know, the brain fog and
• 1:27:56
  Speaker 1: all the things. You know, it was part of the game,
• 1:27:58
  Speaker 1: you know, That's that's what I thought it was. It
• 1:28:00
  Speaker 1: was part of it, and it was I was. I
• 1:28:02
  Speaker 1: was a guy like like you, like you that was
• 1:28:04
  Speaker 1: not coming out. A lot had to happen for me
• 1:28:07
  Speaker 1: to come out of the game, right, like major injury
• 1:28:09
  Speaker 1: to where there's physically you can't go.
• 1:28:11
  Speaker 2: Yes, your Lineman from Iowa.
• 1:28:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what made you successful.
• 1:28:15
  Speaker 2: And the long hair got the cut off tea like
• 1:28:17
  Speaker 2: absolutely in the middle of the winter. Yeah yeah, yeah.
• 1:28:22
  Speaker 1: So as the as the years one on, I noticed
• 1:28:24
  Speaker 1: that stuff and then like everybody else, right, like you're
• 1:28:27
  Speaker 1: trying to make it to the next week. You know
• 1:28:28
  Speaker 1: your your eight, I'm you know, you're doing what you
• 1:28:31
  Speaker 1: got to do to make it to the next week, right,
• 1:28:33
  Speaker 1: the turtle shot, you know, I tell everyone without tortle shots,
• 1:28:37
  Speaker 1: I couldn't kept playing. I don't know if you guys
• 1:28:38
  Speaker 1: could get the shot, but they were. They were towards
• 1:28:42
  Speaker 1: the end of my career, were trying to make it
• 1:28:43
  Speaker 1: so you couldn't get the shot. You had to take
• 1:28:44
  Speaker 1: the pill. Pill.
• 1:28:45
  Speaker 4: Pill didn't work, and they would say the pill works
• 1:28:47
  Speaker 4: faster than the shot. That there's no way.
• 1:28:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know there was.
• 1:28:51
  Speaker 2: Once you get that shot too, you just feel like
• 1:28:53
  Speaker 2: you've you know, life change went back in time.
• 1:28:55
  Speaker 1: Oh, absolutely right, And so that was just to me,
• 1:28:59
  Speaker 1: it was just part of it. But is the you
• 1:29:00
  Speaker 1: know six seven eight. I noticed that stuff, and then
• 1:29:03
  Speaker 1: then I noticed other things, right, the not only the
• 1:29:05
  Speaker 1: injuries and the surgeries, right, you're going into you know,
• 1:29:07
  Speaker 1: surgery seven, right, whether it's a you know, ankle scope,
• 1:29:11
  Speaker 1: elbow scope, or having my back fused. Right, I had
• 1:29:14
  Speaker 1: some major major injuries and major surgeries.
• 1:29:16
  Speaker 4: Is it backfusion the biggest one.
• 1:29:19
  Speaker 1: Yes, yep, So that was you know, you're six, you know,
• 1:29:22
  Speaker 1: came back, but yeah, you you know, they pull your
• 1:29:25
  Speaker 1: back open, they put rods and stuff in there, and
• 1:29:27
  Speaker 1: but yeah, you just rehab and get back to work.
• 1:29:30
  Speaker 1: That was part of it. But coming out of those surgeries,
• 1:29:32
  Speaker 1: I don't want to do this anymore. Right, You're going
• 1:29:33
  Speaker 1: for a scope and they're going to put you under,
• 1:29:35
  Speaker 1: and you're just like, I just don't let me wake up, right,
• 1:29:37
  Speaker 1: because the it just wears on you. You're not tough.
• 1:29:39
  Speaker 1: It's like, you know, it's like a hangover, right, you know,
• 1:29:41
  Speaker 1: you can't handle the hangover as much. So you know,
• 1:29:44
  Speaker 1: as time went on, it was that. And then I
• 1:29:46
  Speaker 1: then I noticed it. You know, after games, I'd get
• 1:29:49
  Speaker 1: in the car and my wife would say something, I'd
• 1:29:52
  Speaker 1: lose it, right, and so I'm just thinking, this is
• 1:29:54
  Speaker 1: just me, right, I care about our team, I care
• 1:29:57
  Speaker 1: about success. Right. To me, it was like you win,
• 1:29:59
  Speaker 1: you're lose. It's black and white, right, And that was
• 1:30:02
  Speaker 1: how my mood was so good or bad. I never
• 1:30:04
  Speaker 1: was able to handle the losing very well because it
• 1:30:08
  Speaker 1: meant a lot, right Like you guys, there's stuff meant
• 1:30:10
  Speaker 1: a lot like you don't you know, the paycheck's great,
• 1:30:12
  Speaker 1: but the winning is why we do this. So I
• 1:30:15
  Speaker 1: noticed things with that where my trigger getting, you know,
• 1:30:17
  Speaker 1: snapping right for no reason, or she said something and
• 1:30:20
  Speaker 1: now I'm dealing with kids. You know, my daughter's at
• 1:30:22
  Speaker 1: home and something happens, or and I just noticed a
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 1: switch goes off to where things go kind of dark.
• 1:30:28
  Speaker 1: So that's that's when I kind of started noticing that stuff,
• 1:30:31
  Speaker 1: but never really dealt with it till after I retired.
• 1:30:33
  Speaker 2: Now, when you're trying to deal with it, what are
• 1:30:35
  Speaker 2: things that you're doing that nobody else is seeing to
• 1:30:38
  Speaker 2: where you're trying to mask some of whether it's pain
• 1:30:41
  Speaker 2: like you were you getting in the pain pills heavy,
• 1:30:44
  Speaker 2: like were you drinking? Like things that your wife might
• 1:30:46
  Speaker 2: not have been seeing at the time, until when you
• 1:30:48
  Speaker 2: look back and kind of check yourself, you're like, man,
• 1:30:50
  Speaker 2: I was really kind off the rails and nobody understood it.
• 1:30:53
  Speaker 1: Now she knew what was going on in what I
• 1:30:55
  Speaker 1: was doing. You know, I feel like I did it
• 1:30:58
  Speaker 1: with within the mind. Yeah, but painkillers, you know, the
• 1:31:01
  Speaker 1: sleeping pills didn't work to go to sleep, so then
• 1:31:02
  Speaker 1: you're taking percoset instead.
• 1:31:04
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:31:04
  Speaker 1: It was just anything to like, I need to sleep, right,
• 1:31:06
  Speaker 1: I get done with a game my body. Here's sleeping
• 1:31:08
  Speaker 1: pill doesn't work. So thirty beers and three percoset, four percoset,
• 1:31:12
  Speaker 1: this is going to make me go to sleep. Right,
• 1:31:14
  Speaker 1: So yeah, you know, you know that was the coping right, like,
• 1:31:19
  Speaker 1: and it wasn't an everyday thing, but it was like,
• 1:31:22
  Speaker 1: you guys, I'm sure I was in extremes, right, No
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 1: matter what I was doing is extreme. So if I'm
• 1:31:28
  Speaker 1: gonna sit on drink, I'm gonna drink ten twenty beers
• 1:31:30
  Speaker 1: like that's that's what we do, right as fast as
• 1:31:32
  Speaker 1: you can, not not trying to not knowing it, but
• 1:31:35
  Speaker 1: it's like drinking cups of water. Right. And so then
• 1:31:38
  Speaker 1: it was the same with the whatever you can do
• 1:31:39
  Speaker 1: to feel better. And so she noticed things and it was,
• 1:31:43
  Speaker 1: you know, more surgery. So then it's taking painkillers and
• 1:31:47
  Speaker 1: you know, trying to get them to work better. So
• 1:31:48
  Speaker 1: you have a couple of drinks. Nothing that I was
• 1:31:51
  Speaker 1: hiding but definitely it was abusive, right, and it wasn't
• 1:31:54
  Speaker 1: the right way to deal with them. But also, you know,
• 1:31:57
  Speaker 1: you had to do what you had to do to
• 1:31:58
  Speaker 1: get to the next game to be able to play,
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 1: you know, I mean that was my mindset, and right,
• 1:32:02
  Speaker 1: you know, I do it all over again.
• 1:32:04
  Speaker 4: There's so many different ways you can justify it too.
• 1:32:05
  Speaker 4: When you're like trying to get to the next game,
• 1:32:07
  Speaker 4: Like you're taking care of your family at this point.
• 1:32:08
  Speaker 4: I'm assuming you have kids, like you want to. This
• 1:32:11
  Speaker 4: person is asking for this type of help, and you're like,
• 1:32:13
  Speaker 4: I have to help all these people around me, and
• 1:32:16
  Speaker 4: if I don't get to play, I don't get to
• 1:32:17
  Speaker 4: get paid. So I have to do these things. This
• 1:32:19
  Speaker 4: is why it's okay for me to take these pills
• 1:32:20
  Speaker 4: and drink these beers. So there's always something you can
• 1:32:22
  Speaker 4: tell yourself to keep that kind of decision making prossure
• 1:32:27
  Speaker 4: going that way.
• 1:32:27
  Speaker 1: And I don't think it was you know, was it
• 1:32:28
  Speaker 1: abusive in those moments? Right? Is it? Is it normal
• 1:32:31
  Speaker 1: and not abusive to drink fifteen twenty beers after a game?
• 1:32:34
  Speaker 1: It's probably to a normal person abusive, But that's very
• 1:32:37
  Speaker 1: common between us, right, we Right, it was.
• 1:32:40
  Speaker 4: Away games, so yeah, it was you on the flights.
• 1:32:41
  Speaker 4: They have cases of beer right in to them.
• 1:32:43
  Speaker 1: It wasn't every single night of the week the hogs.
• 1:32:45
  Speaker 4: Yeah, drinking beer. Yeah, it's a very normal thing.
• 1:32:49
  Speaker 1: That's want. So you know it was it abusive, yes,
• 1:32:51
  Speaker 1: but it was also that's part of being a young guy.
• 1:32:54
  Speaker 1: It wasn't every single night I was doing that, right.
• 1:32:56
  Speaker 1: But as you just right, there's also the business side
• 1:32:59
  Speaker 1: of it. You're getting older, You're making a bunch of money,
• 1:33:02
  Speaker 1: right if you miss games because you're hurt. I mean,
• 1:33:03
  Speaker 1: we know the business side of it. So you're like,
• 1:33:05
  Speaker 1: I gotta do whatever I gotta do, Like this paycheck
• 1:33:08
  Speaker 1: is nice. I'm trying to set my family up for life, right,
• 1:33:11
  Speaker 1: So whatever I got to do, right, whether that's taking
• 1:33:13
  Speaker 1: pergoset to go to sleep instead of painkiller or instead
• 1:33:15
  Speaker 1: of sleeping pills, great, I'll do it. Right. You're not
• 1:33:18
  Speaker 1: thinking about what it's doing to your body, but it's yeah,
• 1:33:20
  Speaker 1: part of its part of the business. Like this, there's
• 1:33:22
  Speaker 1: gonna be a business decision at some point here, right,
• 1:33:24
  Speaker 1: So I gotta do whatever I can to make sure
• 1:33:26
  Speaker 1: I keep playing. Right.
• 1:33:27
  Speaker 2: How long did you? How long did you.
• 1:33:28
  Speaker 1: Play eight full seasons and then once Camp retired in
• 1:33:32
  Speaker 1: camp by ninth.
• 1:33:32
  Speaker 4: Year, okay, retired, and what you're here in camp?
• 1:33:35
  Speaker 1: In Camp? I went to Camp. I got released from Seattle,
• 1:33:38
  Speaker 1: signed with New England, went there and it was just
• 1:33:41
  Speaker 1: you know, had had my eight ninth and tenth surgery
• 1:33:44
  Speaker 1: before after that year in Seattle or during went there
• 1:33:49
  Speaker 1: and my body just wasn't there. Mentally, I was, I
• 1:33:51
  Speaker 1: was gone, right, I was, it was, But physically I
• 1:33:54
  Speaker 1: was like, I can't move. I'm trying. And I got
• 1:33:56
  Speaker 1: to an organization, signed with an organization, the Holy Cow, right, like,
• 1:33:59
  Speaker 1: this is a winning organization. This is what I wanted
• 1:34:01
  Speaker 1: my whole career. So I wanted to and I my
• 1:34:05
  Speaker 1: standard wasn't my standard at that point. And so a
• 1:34:08
  Speaker 1: couple of weeks in the camp, I went in and
• 1:34:10
  Speaker 1: was like, you know, coach, I appreciate the opportunity, but
• 1:34:13
  Speaker 1: it's time for me to be done. And it was
• 1:34:14
  Speaker 1: the mental part too, I mean it was you know.
• 1:34:17
  Speaker 2: What was going on, but what was going on all encompassing? Yeah,
• 1:34:20
  Speaker 2: because I'm assuming that conversation is probably very hard.
• 1:34:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was, you know, it was the physical part
• 1:34:25
  Speaker 1: to where I'm I'm struggling to move right, trying to
• 1:34:28
  Speaker 1: be fluid, and then you know, so ego right comes
• 1:34:30
  Speaker 1: in because I'm like, I am not what I used
• 1:34:32
  Speaker 1: to be right, and I can't move and you're getting
• 1:34:35
  Speaker 1: you know, getting beat at practice, and I was like,
• 1:34:37
  Speaker 1: oh my god, I can I do this? And then
• 1:34:39
  Speaker 1: you know, the mental part of it was was equally
• 1:34:42
  Speaker 1: as tough. Right, there was points and not a you know,
• 1:34:45
  Speaker 1: it's hard to say, but there was a point where
• 1:34:47
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I wish I'd just blow something out so
• 1:34:48
  Speaker 1: I could be done, right. And that's where how bad
• 1:34:51
  Speaker 1: it had gotten mentally because I didn't you know, I
• 1:34:53
  Speaker 1: felt like if I retired, chose to retire, then you
• 1:34:56
  Speaker 1: know that I was quitting or I was it was
• 1:34:59
  Speaker 1: this this thing right. That's but if something happened, it
• 1:35:02
  Speaker 1: could just be like, oh you had to right, And
• 1:35:05
  Speaker 1: so that mental part of it, it's, you know, you're
• 1:35:07
  Speaker 1: in a because I remember running, I kept pulling stuff
• 1:35:10
  Speaker 1: and my body here. I remember doing the conditioning test
• 1:35:13
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, I wish I just blow an achilling
• 1:35:15
  Speaker 1: so I could be done. I'm like, well, you know,
• 1:35:16
  Speaker 1: so now you're now you're judging who you are as
• 1:35:18
  Speaker 1: a person. Like you coward, Like who says that to themselves?
• 1:35:22
  Speaker 1: But it's the mental side of it that going into
• 1:35:24
  Speaker 1: that year and it was taking pinkillers to get out,
• 1:35:26
  Speaker 1: Bed just couldn't move and decided, like, you know, the
• 1:35:29
  Speaker 1: good part is I, you know, I was with it
• 1:35:31
  Speaker 1: enough to know that I don't want to be this.
• 1:35:32
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be the guy that does this
• 1:35:34
  Speaker 1: till he's non functioning. And I felt like that's where
• 1:35:37
  Speaker 1: it was leading. And so I had the conversation with
• 1:35:40
  Speaker 1: Coach there and it was like, I think this is
• 1:35:42
  Speaker 1: best for both of us, you know, because I was
• 1:35:44
  Speaker 1: I was like, I don't want to waste your time, Like, yeah,
• 1:35:46
  Speaker 1: you're not getting what I was a few years ago.
• 1:35:49
  Speaker 4: Did you quickly after quickly or maybe not quickly? Did
• 1:35:52
  Speaker 4: you after you decided to retire? Did you have this
• 1:35:54
  Speaker 4: identity crisis of like, okay, what am I? Who am I?
• 1:35:57
  Speaker 2: Now?
• 1:35:57
  Speaker 1: For sure? Yeah? You get home and you know, I,
• 1:35:59
  Speaker 1: you know, I chose, you know, I chose to be done.
• 1:36:01
  Speaker 1: But now you're home and you're watching your buddies still play, right,
• 1:36:04
  Speaker 1: they're still going to practice. You're trying to you know,
• 1:36:07
  Speaker 1: can't turn the TV on when you're home because you're like, oh,
• 1:36:09
  Speaker 1: I should still be doing this right and I should
• 1:36:11
  Speaker 1: be there with them.
• 1:36:12
  Speaker 4: Because I'm sure at some point your body starts to
• 1:36:14
  Speaker 4: feel better, you know, like you know what, maybe I
• 1:36:16
  Speaker 4: could do X, Y and Z, and then you pop
• 1:36:17
  Speaker 4: on a game You're like, why aren't I doing this right?
• 1:36:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So it was definitely the identity. And I remember
• 1:36:21
  Speaker 1: screaming at my wife one day. I was, you know,
• 1:36:23
  Speaker 1: I'm not a I'm not an f and stay at
• 1:36:25
  Speaker 1: home dad, right, because I was trying to let her
• 1:36:27
  Speaker 1: do her thing her whole life. You know, my whole
• 1:36:29
  Speaker 1: career was everything for me, right. She took care of
• 1:36:31
  Speaker 1: the kids like you like, concentrate on your career. And
• 1:36:34
  Speaker 1: I just remember, like that, what am I? Right? And
• 1:36:36
  Speaker 1: that's terrible to say that because I'm proud to be
• 1:36:37
  Speaker 1: a father, but you this identity like I'm not a
• 1:36:40
  Speaker 1: stay at home dad every day. This is not what
• 1:36:41
  Speaker 1: I do. So yeah, that's tough. I think we all
• 1:36:44
  Speaker 1: go through that. And then you're dealing with other stuff
• 1:36:45
  Speaker 1: on top of that. You know mentally that that doesn't
• 1:36:49
  Speaker 1: have you thinking clearly. That makes it even harder. And
• 1:36:53
  Speaker 1: now you know, like I said, now you're now I know,
• 1:36:55
  Speaker 1: I don't have to go to practice. So now I'm
• 1:36:57
  Speaker 1: at my buddy's drinking beer, you know, three nights a
• 1:36:58
  Speaker 1: week right now. Now, now I need to lose weight
• 1:37:01
  Speaker 1: because I don't need to be three on twenty pounds.
• 1:37:02
  Speaker 1: So I'm drinking tequila instead because my body can process
• 1:37:05
  Speaker 1: it better. But drinking the same valume with tequila that
• 1:37:08
  Speaker 1: you know when I was drinking beer. Right, So it's
• 1:37:11
  Speaker 1: this whole thing that this transformation, and you wonder who
• 1:37:14
  Speaker 1: you are, what should I do? And you know what,
• 1:37:16
  Speaker 1: am I going to go get a job? Right? You've
• 1:37:18
  Speaker 1: been making all this money, right, getting these big checks,
• 1:37:21
  Speaker 1: and I'm going to go you know I liked old cars, Right,
• 1:37:23
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna go work at my buddy's shop. I'm gonna
• 1:37:25
  Speaker 1: go san Bondo for twenty five dollars an hour. You're like, yeah,
• 1:37:28
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean.
• 1:37:29
  Speaker 4: It's like clearly world, yeah.
• 1:37:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And now I'm thirty some years old and or
• 1:37:34
  Speaker 1: I don't want to, you know, go get a job
• 1:37:36
  Speaker 1: and you know, work with a bunch of twenty year olds. Right,
• 1:37:39
  Speaker 1: So it's just this whole ego and identity of who
• 1:37:42
  Speaker 1: you are and what you were, and that's what you
• 1:37:44
  Speaker 1: did your whole life. That's all you knew, right, that's
• 1:37:45
  Speaker 1: what we did. And then you get done, You're like,
• 1:37:48
  Speaker 1: oh shit, they ain't calling. Like when you say you're done,
• 1:37:51
  Speaker 1: you're done right right, I'm not in a band to
• 1:37:52
  Speaker 1: where we can go to the local bar and just
• 1:37:54
  Speaker 1: keep playing, right, Like when you're done with the sport,
• 1:37:57
  Speaker 1: that's it?
• 1:37:58
  Speaker 2: What the what was the break point to start diving
• 1:38:02
  Speaker 2: into your mental health and figuring out that there could
• 1:38:04
  Speaker 2: be a lot more going on?
• 1:38:06
  Speaker 1: I think the breaking point for me as time went on.
• 1:38:08
  Speaker 1: So now we're three four, five years post retirement, and
• 1:38:11
  Speaker 1: all these reactions and in moods and all these things
• 1:38:16
  Speaker 1: got more intense. So now my kids are laughing or
• 1:38:18
  Speaker 1: giggling at the breakfast table and I lose it, right,
• 1:38:21
  Speaker 1: I go from zero to two thousand, and I'm so
• 1:38:25
  Speaker 1: angry and smashing my fist on the table to get
• 1:38:27
  Speaker 1: them to be quiet. But I'm also realizing that, hey,
• 1:38:31
  Speaker 1: this is not a normal reaction, right, So why did
• 1:38:34
  Speaker 1: that that just happen? Right? So it's instance after instance,
• 1:38:38
  Speaker 1: and I'm coping with alcohol, right, not every day, not
• 1:38:41
  Speaker 1: every week, but when I did, it was how big
• 1:38:43
  Speaker 1: of a bottle of tequila did I have?
• 1:38:45
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 1:38:45
  Speaker 1: You know, we go to a kid's the fundraiser for
• 1:38:47
  Speaker 1: the school. Right I was socially I did you know?
• 1:38:50
  Speaker 1: I was. I'm not a social person, you know. Even
• 1:38:52
  Speaker 1: before all this, right, I would always you know, I
• 1:38:55
  Speaker 1: had social anxiety. I didn't like that. Even in college,
• 1:38:57
  Speaker 1: I didn't like all the attention, right when everything's great
• 1:38:59
  Speaker 1: and everybody like you're the greatest ever. I didn't like
• 1:39:02
  Speaker 1: the attention, you know, for the good or the bad.
• 1:39:04
  Speaker 1: And so now we go to school fundraisers and you know,
• 1:39:07
  Speaker 1: I take my bottle of tequila in with me because
• 1:39:10
  Speaker 1: the stuff they serve at the bar I don't like, right,
• 1:39:12
  Speaker 1: So that makes a lot of sense, all right. So
• 1:39:14
  Speaker 1: now it's you know, doing things like that. So and
• 1:39:17
  Speaker 1: I'm realizing these things as they happen. I'm like, this
• 1:39:20
  Speaker 1: is not normal behavior that I took my own tequila
• 1:39:23
  Speaker 1: brand in because the bar doesn't serve it, you know.
• 1:39:26
  Speaker 1: And then I'm having these reactions to my wife or
• 1:39:28
  Speaker 1: the kids. We went to dinner one night her my
• 1:39:32
  Speaker 1: mother in law, was in town, and I just remember
• 1:39:34
  Speaker 1: it because of the reaction I had. We walked into
• 1:39:35
  Speaker 1: my wife, It's like, oh, let's sit inside. So we're
• 1:39:37
  Speaker 1: waiting for the lady to see this, and then she goes, oh,
• 1:39:41
  Speaker 1: the sun came out, we should sit outside, and I
• 1:39:42
  Speaker 1: remember going dark. I mean, I want to I want
• 1:39:44
  Speaker 1: to strangle her. And I hate to say that, but
• 1:39:46
  Speaker 1: I was so angry that she changed from wanting to
• 1:39:49
  Speaker 1: sit into out inside to outside, and I had no
• 1:39:52
  Speaker 1: idea why I was. I'm like, why am I reacting
• 1:39:54
  Speaker 1: like this? So in my head, I'm fighting myself because
• 1:39:57
  Speaker 1: I mean, it doesn't make sense, right, you guys look
• 1:39:58
  Speaker 1: at me, like why with that trigger? Yeah, it made
• 1:40:01
  Speaker 1: zero sense to me.
• 1:40:02
  Speaker 2: So these things, how's your wife reacting when you're having
• 1:40:04
  Speaker 2: these reactions and knowing that we're we're kind of in
• 1:40:07
  Speaker 2: a song and dance around dad right now at times?
• 1:40:11
  Speaker 1: You know, Honestly, at the time, I think she saw
• 1:40:12
  Speaker 1: I was an asshole, right she. I don't think she understood.
• 1:40:15
  Speaker 1: She didn't understand why things were happening. You know, when
• 1:40:19
  Speaker 1: someone does that, you'll be like, what is wrong with him? Right?
• 1:40:21
  Speaker 1: These are me popping off or getting upset, or the
• 1:40:23
  Speaker 1: days I'm fine and all of a sudden, I'm just
• 1:40:26
  Speaker 1: either super depressed or super angry. I mean, anger more
• 1:40:29
  Speaker 1: than you should have right, stuff that shouldn't set you off.
• 1:40:32
  Speaker 1: So it was tough because I think she was like,
• 1:40:33
  Speaker 1: what is going on? Right? She also knew I was
• 1:40:36
  Speaker 1: going through stuff right being done, she knew, you know,
• 1:40:40
  Speaker 1: the injuries and those things took a toll. But so
• 1:40:42
  Speaker 1: the rock bottom, I think was a couple instances like
• 1:40:45
  Speaker 1: that to where I'm like, you know, I'm aware of
• 1:40:48
  Speaker 1: all this, right, Because then I feel like the biggest
• 1:40:51
  Speaker 1: piece of trash on the face of the earth because
• 1:40:53
  Speaker 1: I lose my stuff because my kids are laughing right
• 1:40:56
  Speaker 1: or I'm sitting in a chair like you know, hurting
• 1:41:00
  Speaker 1: them or or making it stop, and I'm like, I'm
• 1:41:03
  Speaker 1: a terrible human being. And so I think that was
• 1:41:06
  Speaker 1: rock bottom for me when I'm having these thoughts And
• 1:41:08
  Speaker 1: then then I'm beating myself up because I'm like, they're
• 1:41:11
  Speaker 1: better off without me, right, Like, this is this is
• 1:41:14
  Speaker 1: who I am. This is not a life for them.
• 1:41:15
  Speaker 1: I love my family, It's the greatest family on the
• 1:41:18
  Speaker 1: face of the earth. I love my wife. She's you know,
• 1:41:20
  Speaker 1: she's been through it all with me. But I'm like,
• 1:41:22
  Speaker 1: they don't deserve this. I I they're better, they're better
• 1:41:25
  Speaker 1: off without me, And so you know. It happened to
• 1:41:27
  Speaker 1: be a morning we were working out. We always worked
• 1:41:30
  Speaker 1: out in the morning, and and broke down in our driveway.
• 1:41:33
  Speaker 1: I was just I remember sitting down and she's like,
• 1:41:35
  Speaker 1: you're okay, and I just start bawling, and I'm like,
• 1:41:37
  Speaker 1: I need help because all this stuff had been going
• 1:41:39
  Speaker 1: through my head and I hadn't told her. She knew
• 1:41:41
  Speaker 1: I was struggling, and she saw these outbursts, she saw
• 1:41:43
  Speaker 1: these things that happened. But in my mind, I'm like,
• 1:41:46
  Speaker 1: I shouldn't be here, Like they're better off. They don't
• 1:41:49
  Speaker 1: need to see their dad losing his shit over nothing.
• 1:41:51
  Speaker 1: They don't need I don't need to be this depressed
• 1:41:53
  Speaker 1: guy sitting in a chair shaking because I think something
• 1:41:56
  Speaker 1: else is going on, right, And so that was probably
• 1:41:58
  Speaker 1: rock bottom. It was rock bout them for me. And
• 1:42:01
  Speaker 1: the fact that I actually asked her for help and
• 1:42:03
  Speaker 1: I just remember saying, just in tears, like I need help.
• 1:42:06
  Speaker 1: I'm struggling. I don't I think I'm losing my mind,
• 1:42:09
  Speaker 1: you know. So that that was kind of the start
• 1:42:11
  Speaker 1: of it, and so, you know, just happened to be
• 1:42:13
  Speaker 1: at the same time that through my workers comp case,
• 1:42:16
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm going through that whole process, which is great,
• 1:42:19
  Speaker 1: you know, ten years later, but they had me get
• 1:42:22
  Speaker 1: a brain scan. So going and get a brain scan,
• 1:42:25
  Speaker 1: and this was a very close in proximity to when
• 1:42:28
  Speaker 1: I asked for help, you know, I asked her for help.
• 1:42:30
  Speaker 1: I reached out to a couple of friends that you know,
• 1:42:31
  Speaker 1: had been through you know, been through their own stuff,
• 1:42:34
  Speaker 1: to like, hey, I'm struggling, like, you know, how do
• 1:42:36
  Speaker 1: you deal with this? But I get this brain scan,
• 1:42:38
  Speaker 1: and that's when it was really kind of the aha
• 1:42:40
  Speaker 1: moment because they pulled up my brain scan. He's like,
• 1:42:43
  Speaker 1: you know, all these symptoms you're having, the rage, the anger,
• 1:42:46
  Speaker 1: the depression of this, of that, right, and then put
• 1:42:48
  Speaker 1: up a healthy brain on there, and then put up
• 1:42:51
  Speaker 1: my brain. You know, it was a spec scan at
• 1:42:52
  Speaker 1: the time, and it was you know, it looks looked
• 1:42:54
  Speaker 1: like someone had taken a baseball back to it, right.
• 1:42:56
  Speaker 1: And so my wife was there and I remember she's
• 1:42:59
  Speaker 1: crying in obviously you look at it. And I started
• 1:43:02
  Speaker 1: laughing and she looked at me and she's like, what
• 1:43:04
  Speaker 1: the fuck are you laughing at? And she was mad,
• 1:43:07
  Speaker 1: obviously mad, and I just said I'm not crazy because
• 1:43:10
  Speaker 1: I had thought to that At that point, I thought
• 1:43:12
  Speaker 1: I was losing my mind. You're getting an answer, right,
• 1:43:14
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, oh, this is the reason, right, and
• 1:43:16
  Speaker 1: so you know, I just that sticks in my head.
• 1:43:18
  Speaker 1: But that was the point where, you know, kind of
• 1:43:20
  Speaker 1: my healing journey started and I knew, Hey, there's there's
• 1:43:22
  Speaker 1: something going on, not just me. I'm not just a
• 1:43:25
  Speaker 1: ex athlete that can't handle being done, that doesn't have
• 1:43:27
  Speaker 1: an identity, Like there is a physical, physical issue that
• 1:43:31
  Speaker 1: is causing these outburst and these thoughts and these suicidal
• 1:43:34
  Speaker 1: ideation and these all these different things, and there's a
• 1:43:37
  Speaker 1: reason that's happening. And now we got to either do
• 1:43:40
  Speaker 1: something or continue the way we are.
• 1:43:41
  Speaker 2: Did you ever get extremely close to killing yourself?
• 1:43:45
  Speaker 1: I did, Unfortunately, Yes, it got bad enough to where
• 1:43:48
  Speaker 1: with the you know, suicide nightmares at night, and then
• 1:43:51
  Speaker 1: it turned to suicidal ideation during the day to you know,
• 1:43:55
  Speaker 1: I felt like I was a burden on my family. Right,
• 1:43:57
  Speaker 1: So You're having these thoughts that and you see your
• 1:44:00
  Speaker 1: self acting in a certain way, and I'm like, they
• 1:44:01
  Speaker 1: are better off with that, And I believed it. I
• 1:44:03
  Speaker 1: believe that, and I told my wife on multiple ocations,
• 1:44:05
  Speaker 1: you guys are better off without me. Here's all the stuff, right,
• 1:44:08
  Speaker 1: because I'm aware of these reactions I'm having, and I'm
• 1:44:11
  Speaker 1: aware that I'm getting triggered by my kids to where
• 1:44:16
  Speaker 1: or my wife to where I want, you know, like
• 1:44:18
  Speaker 1: physically think I'm hurting them. Right, So now I'm sitting
• 1:44:20
  Speaker 1: in the chair thinking I'm hurting them. And there's a
• 1:44:23
  Speaker 1: couple instances and she's like, what is wrong with you?
• 1:44:25
  Speaker 1: And I'm literally sitting there shaking because I thought I
• 1:44:27
  Speaker 1: was hurting my children. Never physically touch them, thank god, right,
• 1:44:31
  Speaker 1: But the story in my head it was that I
• 1:44:34
  Speaker 1: was so now I feel like I'm a terrible human
• 1:44:36
  Speaker 1: being because I think, how could you have this thought
• 1:44:37
  Speaker 1: about your children? Yeah, and so you know, not proud
• 1:44:41
  Speaker 1: of it. There were times that I thought, you know,
• 1:44:44
  Speaker 1: and a friend of mine that I meant, military friend,
• 1:44:46
  Speaker 1: he ended up taking his life. He said it best,
• 1:44:48
  Speaker 1: he said, nobody wants to commit suicide. They want the
• 1:44:50
  Speaker 1: noise to stop. And that's what I wanted. I just
• 1:44:53
  Speaker 1: I can't live like this. I can't be around and
• 1:44:56
  Speaker 1: function around my children and have these thoughts. I need
• 1:44:58
  Speaker 1: the noise to stop. And there were there were times
• 1:45:01
  Speaker 1: I had, you know, my pistol in my gulp compartment
• 1:45:04
  Speaker 1: of my truck, and I'm like, this would be really
• 1:45:06
  Speaker 1: easy right here, right, and and so you know, never
• 1:45:10
  Speaker 1: never attempted it, thank god, but there are multiple times
• 1:45:13
  Speaker 1: that it got to that point, unfortunately. And you know,
• 1:45:16
  Speaker 1: then it was like, oh, everybody's gonna think I'm a coward, right,
• 1:45:19
  Speaker 1: So then it's driving down the highway and it's just
• 1:45:23
  Speaker 1: and then yeah, then there's a semi coming. All right, Well,
• 1:45:25
  Speaker 1: if I just swerve over in front of this semi,
• 1:45:27
  Speaker 1: I won't look like a coward, right. And so it
• 1:45:30
  Speaker 1: was the not thinking clearly part, on top of all
• 1:45:33
  Speaker 1: the other things that I'm affecting people that I love,
• 1:45:36
  Speaker 1: I'm affecting them and and that's but I wanted to
• 1:45:38
  Speaker 1: be better. I wanted I was aware of this, and
• 1:45:40
  Speaker 1: so when that stuff started happening, that's that's when I
• 1:45:42
  Speaker 1: reached out for help. And that's what kind of started
• 1:45:44
  Speaker 1: the whole journey.
• 1:45:45
  Speaker 2: When you're when you're having By the way, I'm sorry
• 1:45:47
  Speaker 2: for asking that very bluntly too. I was just kind
• 1:45:49
  Speaker 2: of like listening you start talking about the suicide ideation
• 1:45:52
  Speaker 2: and everything else, and it's just I'm almost just sitting
• 1:45:54
  Speaker 2: here in my check because I'm captivated by you storytelling,
• 1:45:56
  Speaker 2: and I just had to know.
• 1:45:58
  Speaker 4: I'm glad you asked because I'm thinking, I wonder how
• 1:46:00
  Speaker 4: I can ask it.
• 1:46:00
  Speaker 2: And knowing that he yeah, knowing that he's having the
• 1:46:03
  Speaker 2: rage and the outburst, and I can only imagine the
• 1:46:05
  Speaker 2: shame and embarrassment that you quickly have after that, or
• 1:46:08
  Speaker 2: people looking at you and you're telling these stories and
• 1:46:10
  Speaker 2: you're shaking in your chair and then you're seeing on
• 1:46:12
  Speaker 2: the scans like, uh, how and how badly in shape
• 1:46:17
  Speaker 2: your brain has been. And then once you said like
• 1:46:20
  Speaker 2: the suicide ideation, I'm just like, yeah, if you're you've
• 1:46:23
  Speaker 2: already been saying that they're better off without me. I'm
• 1:46:26
  Speaker 2: just thinking to myself, like, I wonder what he's meaning
• 1:46:28
  Speaker 2: by that. So then whenever I had that land, I'm like,
• 1:46:29
  Speaker 2: I just need to I didn't know how to ask
• 1:46:31
  Speaker 2: it either.
• 1:46:31
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:46:32
  Speaker 1: No, it's and the good thing is now I can
• 1:46:34
  Speaker 1: sit here, right, and that'll be the rest of the story.
• 1:46:36
  Speaker 1: But I can sit here and talk about it and
• 1:46:37
  Speaker 1: not be nervous. Right, you asked that, I'd be sweating
• 1:46:40
  Speaker 1: because I'm like, yeah, it's every single day. Yeah, And
• 1:46:43
  Speaker 1: so it's a very real part of it, and I
• 1:46:45
  Speaker 1: don't think enough people talk about it, and that's you know,
• 1:46:48
  Speaker 1: that's that's real talk like that was Yah was very
• 1:46:52
  Speaker 1: very close. I'm not proud of it, but that was
• 1:46:54
  Speaker 1: part of the journey. And and unfortunately for a lot
• 1:46:56
  Speaker 1: of people it gets that way and if you know,
• 1:46:58
  Speaker 1: you keep hiding it, that's that's the issue.
• 1:47:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And for you to be able to sit here
• 1:47:02
  Speaker 4: and have this conversation and talk about these super deep
• 1:47:05
  Speaker 4: things so calmly, it just shows how much growth that
• 1:47:09
  Speaker 4: you've had. And I'm sure there's people that are watching
• 1:47:11
  Speaker 4: this that might struggle struggle similarly that don't know how
• 1:47:14
  Speaker 4: to put it into words. So you could be absolutely
• 1:47:16
  Speaker 4: helping somebody right now just by being as vulnerable as
• 1:47:19
  Speaker 4: you are with two guys you just met.
• 1:47:20
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• 1:48:28
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  Speaker 4: feel good, play good. Let's get back to this episode.
• 1:49:04
  Speaker 4: The question I have is when you're happy these out
• 1:49:05
  Speaker 4: of the bathroom go ahead, When you're having these outbursts
• 1:49:09
  Speaker 4: with your children, are laughing and you're slamming your fist
• 1:49:12
  Speaker 4: or your wife, you know she wants to go from
• 1:49:14
  Speaker 4: inside to outside. When you're like mentally having a hard
• 1:49:19
  Speaker 4: time and having an outburst, are you internally in your
• 1:49:21
  Speaker 4: head in the moment being like, hey, why are you
• 1:49:23
  Speaker 4: acting like this? Or is this How long does it
• 1:49:26
  Speaker 4: take for you to kind of realize, Oh, I just
• 1:49:28
  Speaker 4: did something that is not me. I wonder why that happened.
• 1:49:31
  Speaker 1: Like, yeah, I think it was some of both. I
• 1:49:33
  Speaker 1: think some of it. Like I could tell when when
• 1:49:35
  Speaker 1: I went dark. My wife would say I went dark,
• 1:49:37
  Speaker 1: like my eyes. She's like, your eyes were dead. And
• 1:49:39
  Speaker 1: I could tell when your mood changed because like instantly
• 1:49:41
  Speaker 1: everything went black. So yeah, completely, body language, everything, And
• 1:49:44
  Speaker 1: so I knew that in the moment because something would
• 1:49:46
  Speaker 1: happen and I remember just this anger. But I know,
• 1:49:49
  Speaker 1: I'm like, why is this happening? Like so I'm having
• 1:49:50
  Speaker 1: that internal dialogue right, But then it got to the
• 1:49:53
  Speaker 1: point where I would have these moments and then get
• 1:49:56
  Speaker 1: done right. I you know, times on my Harley. I'd
• 1:49:58
  Speaker 1: get on my Harley to let loose right, to get
• 1:50:01
  Speaker 1: this stuff out of my head. And I'm doing eighty
• 1:50:04
  Speaker 1: ninety mile an hour and a thirty five down Lake
• 1:50:07
  Speaker 1: Shore Boulevard in Lake Tahoe. We even through cars, and
• 1:50:10
  Speaker 1: I remember, you know, in that moment, that's just what
• 1:50:12
  Speaker 1: it was. It was like making it all stop, right,
• 1:50:14
  Speaker 1: And then I get to town and I'm like, what
• 1:50:16
  Speaker 1: did I just do? Right? I look back at the
• 1:50:18
  Speaker 1: carnage behind me, like, oh god, I was just doing that,
• 1:50:21
  Speaker 1: like and knew it, but it was just in the moment.
• 1:50:23
  Speaker 1: It was just like we even in and out of
• 1:50:25
  Speaker 1: cars on the side of the road, and like then
• 1:50:27
  Speaker 1: all of a sudden it snapped back in. I'm like,
• 1:50:29
  Speaker 1: oh my god, what am I doing? Like I'm gonna
• 1:50:31
  Speaker 1: kill myself? Like and so a little bit of both,
• 1:50:35
  Speaker 1: but it was that was the hard part. That's how
• 1:50:36
  Speaker 1: it's hard mentally to cope with because there's times I'm
• 1:50:39
  Speaker 1: like I don't know what's going on, or I snap
• 1:50:41
  Speaker 1: out of something and I'm like, oh, that's not right,
• 1:50:43
  Speaker 1: Like I did I just I'd ask my wife did
• 1:50:45
  Speaker 1: that just happen? Did I just do that? Did I
• 1:50:47
  Speaker 1: just have that reaction? She's like, yeah, you know really?
• 1:50:51
  Speaker 1: And so that that was a tough part, and that's
• 1:50:53
  Speaker 1: what I think led to the other the very negative thoughts,
• 1:50:56
  Speaker 1: because you know, now you're doing this, like what, I'm
• 1:50:58
  Speaker 1: gonna hurt somebody, Like, right, I gonna hurt wife, I'm
• 1:51:00
  Speaker 1: hurt kids, I'm gona hurt something in the street. I'm
• 1:51:02
  Speaker 1: gonna right, this is this is getting back.
• 1:51:04
  Speaker 4: Did your wife ever express concern for her wellbeing and
• 1:51:08
  Speaker 4: the kids well being? Ever have fear of that?
• 1:51:10
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about it now. I don't know. I don't
• 1:51:13
  Speaker 1: think now. Did she walk on eggshells for a few years, Yes,
• 1:51:17
  Speaker 1: if you ask her, I think she she's like I
• 1:51:20
  Speaker 1: was never for whatever reason, I wasn't. I wasn't scared
• 1:51:25
  Speaker 1: you were gonna hurt us because I just didn't think
• 1:51:26
  Speaker 1: that's who you were, you know, and that's someone that
• 1:51:28
  Speaker 1: really believes in you to be able to say that
• 1:51:31
  Speaker 1: because my actions were showing different. So she was she scared? Yes,
• 1:51:35
  Speaker 1: I think she walked on eggshells to make it so
• 1:51:37
  Speaker 1: these things didn't happen, Right. She talks about it, to
• 1:51:40
  Speaker 1: try and do these things so if she could see
• 1:51:42
  Speaker 1: them coming, to make them not as intense, or to
• 1:51:45
  Speaker 1: stop them altogether, like kids start laughing, Stop, I'll go
• 1:51:48
  Speaker 1: out of the room, right, all these different things too.
• 1:51:50
  Speaker 1: But I think were the reactions scary? Absolutely? So? Luckily
• 1:51:55
  Speaker 1: I don't think I just you know, it's spiritual to say,
• 1:51:59
  Speaker 1: but I think I think she knew who I was.
• 1:52:01
  Speaker 1: That's what she said. She's like I knew who you were.
• 1:52:02
  Speaker 1: I knew you, you know, I believed you wouldn't hurt us, right,
• 1:52:04
  Speaker 1: you know? But were we scared at times and nervous? Absolutely,
• 1:52:08
  Speaker 1: because the reactions were so intense.
• 1:52:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah, relatively strategic too about getting kids out of the room.
• 1:52:13
  Speaker 4: No one will started to trigger you starting to realize
• 1:52:15
  Speaker 4: those types of things, right, Very brave and strong on
• 1:52:18
  Speaker 4: her part too, absolutely to see like the truth in
• 1:52:20
  Speaker 4: you and to be able to work through that with
• 1:52:22
  Speaker 4: you and like let you go through your process. So
• 1:52:24
  Speaker 4: when you guys are sitting there and you look at
• 1:52:26
  Speaker 4: the brain scans, she's crying, you're laughing, she calls you
• 1:52:29
  Speaker 4: an asshole, and you're like you there's a level of
• 1:52:31
  Speaker 4: relief that you have because you're looking at these scans
• 1:52:33
  Speaker 4: and being like, I'm this isn't just a me thing.
• 1:52:37
  Speaker 4: This is something that's happened to me, so I have
• 1:52:39
  Speaker 4: and I'm sure it was extremely settling for you to
• 1:52:41
  Speaker 4: be like, Okay, like I see the problem now, now
• 1:52:44
  Speaker 4: I can work on a ways to resolve this problem.
• 1:52:46
  Speaker 4: What is the first step you guys take when you're
• 1:52:49
  Speaker 4: in this meeting room? How quickly do you start working
• 1:52:51
  Speaker 4: on different therapies? To help your.
• 1:52:53
  Speaker 1: Brain instantly, right, Because I remember asking the neurologist and
• 1:52:56
  Speaker 1: I said, well, is this bad? You know where does
• 1:52:58
  Speaker 1: this on the level of that? Right? And I'm sure
• 1:52:59
  Speaker 1: you've seen seem sure you've seem better, and he goes,
• 1:53:02
  Speaker 1: I've seen, I've seen worse. It's pretty bad. Yeah, And
• 1:53:05
  Speaker 1: I was in that just in that mode of.
• 1:53:06
  Speaker 4: Which in a sick way. I don't know how you
• 1:53:08
  Speaker 4: you felt in that moment, but for me, it's like
• 1:53:10
  Speaker 4: when I like get blood work done or I like,
• 1:53:11
  Speaker 4: uh see my levels and all these things, like I
• 1:53:14
  Speaker 4: kind of want it to be really bad because I know, like, oh,
• 1:53:16
  Speaker 4: if i'm I can be this much better. Absolutely, there's
• 1:53:18
  Speaker 4: a weird like sick o mode you go into. It's
• 1:53:21
  Speaker 4: like make it as bad as it can.
• 1:53:22
  Speaker 1: Write an ego right, And I'm like, yeah, I do something,
• 1:53:23
  Speaker 1: I do it.
• 1:53:24
  Speaker 4: Right right now, it can be the best at much
• 1:53:26
  Speaker 4: farther I've come right exactly, So.
• 1:53:28
  Speaker 1: You know, I asked him that and they said, you know,
• 1:53:30
  Speaker 1: not so many words that you know you have you
• 1:53:33
  Speaker 1: know you have CT right like this is you know
• 1:53:35
  Speaker 1: obviously you can't tell post mortem and they pull your
• 1:53:37
  Speaker 1: brain out there like he's like all the symptoms your
• 1:53:39
  Speaker 1: brain scan, you have CTE and if you do nothing,
• 1:53:41
  Speaker 1: you're going to become a statistic. Well I knew what
• 1:53:43
  Speaker 1: a statistic was in my life. Say what does that mean?
• 1:53:46
  Speaker 1: She's like, this leads to suicide? Like this is that
• 1:53:49
  Speaker 1: these people that are having these reactions, and gave examples
• 1:53:51
  Speaker 1: of other guys, athletes, other people in the past that
• 1:53:53
  Speaker 1: have done things. Right, That's that's what a statistic is.
• 1:53:57
  Speaker 1: So at that point I'm like, okay, and again the
• 1:53:59
  Speaker 1: all are not thing. I remember just feeling hope. So
• 1:54:01
  Speaker 1: I'm like, well, let's do it. What do I need
• 1:54:03
  Speaker 1: to do. He's like, well, you need to stop drinking.
• 1:54:04
  Speaker 1: You know, I'm that first thing. You know. Alcohol is
• 1:54:06
  Speaker 1: the worst thing in the world for your brain, number one,
• 1:54:09
  Speaker 1: number one depressant in the world, you know. So I
• 1:54:12
  Speaker 1: tried that. I didn't do very well at it. I
• 1:54:14
  Speaker 1: toned it down. But everything else they threw at me,
• 1:54:16
  Speaker 1: I did you know? They were you need to be
• 1:54:18
  Speaker 1: in a hyperbaric chamber, you know, every day for the
• 1:54:20
  Speaker 1: rest of your life, they said. So I rented one.
• 1:54:22
  Speaker 1: I did two hours a day for a month and
• 1:54:24
  Speaker 1: a half to see you, and then I ended up
• 1:54:26
  Speaker 1: buying one.
• 1:54:27
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:54:27
  Speaker 1: Luckily, through our retirement stuff and reimbursement fun I bought one. Yeah,
• 1:54:31
  Speaker 1: so I'm doing that. I'm doing ivs. I'm getting all
• 1:54:33
  Speaker 1: my levels checked right because all my hormones are messed up, right,
• 1:54:36
  Speaker 1: So I'm doing blood work every few days. I'm taking
• 1:54:39
  Speaker 1: you know, getting different ivs of different medicines that are
• 1:54:41
  Speaker 1: supposed to help with brain regeneration. Figuring out my sleep. Right,
• 1:54:44
  Speaker 1: I couldn't sleep. I'd be up tweaking at night because
• 1:54:46
  Speaker 1: I'd wake up and go back, couldn't go back to sleep. Well, sleep,
• 1:54:50
  Speaker 1: learn that sleep is very big on brain health, right obviously,
• 1:54:53
  Speaker 1: So learning that right.
• 1:54:54
  Speaker 11: Thought, Yeah, your body right, just the way he led
• 1:54:59
  Speaker 11: to saying and as he's saying it in his mind's
• 1:55:02
  Speaker 11: like obviously, and you're like yeah.
• 1:55:06
  Speaker 1: But in the moment, you don't think of that.
• 1:55:07
  Speaker 4: If you, if you, if you're not doing something, and
• 1:55:10
  Speaker 4: then you just someone just explains it, You're like that
• 1:55:11
  Speaker 4: makes all this.
• 1:55:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, like that's a general statement, but when you're
• 1:55:15
  Speaker 2: learning the actual details why it's so beneficial, that's like
• 1:55:18
  Speaker 2: the aha, what's like like the alohol it seems good
• 1:55:22
  Speaker 2: for you, It's like, oh for real?
• 1:55:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And you don't sleep on when you drink a
• 1:55:25
  Speaker 1: bunch like, oh, that's how I used to get that's weird. Howlckhim.
• 1:55:28
  Speaker 1: I wasn't getting good RESTful sleep when I drink ten
• 1:55:31
  Speaker 1: ten doubles of tequila.
• 1:55:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:55:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So doing all this, you know, any like I
• 1:55:35
  Speaker 1: said anything they threw out me because I wanted to
• 1:55:37
  Speaker 1: be better, right, and it was kind of hope for me.
• 1:55:39
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, okay, I'm again not back to that.
• 1:55:40
  Speaker 1: There is a cause, like, let's fix it, full war,
• 1:55:43
  Speaker 1: let's let's do it. So I spent a year and
• 1:55:44
  Speaker 1: a half doing that. Anything they threw out me, you know,
• 1:55:47
  Speaker 1: light therapy, anything I could to help with my brain health.
• 1:55:51
  Speaker 1: And I'm seeing a therapist. So finally call right, this
• 1:55:54
  Speaker 1: is pre brain scan and it's not funny, but it is.
• 1:55:59
  Speaker 1: I it's like, I need to talk to somebody. I
• 1:56:01
  Speaker 1: didn't know how to get a therapist, right. The NFL
• 1:56:03
  Speaker 1: offers that stuff. So I called the suicide hotline that
• 1:56:06
  Speaker 1: they give us on our sheets, called Suicidehighlight. They're going
• 1:56:09
  Speaker 1: to hurt yourself. I'm calling them for a reason, but no,
• 1:56:12
  Speaker 1: I'm not right, and okay, we'll get you a therapist. Well,
• 1:56:16
  Speaker 1: took them a week to get me a therapist that
• 1:56:18
  Speaker 1: was covered through my insurance. I'm like, this is not
• 1:56:20
  Speaker 1: the way, so I you know, okay, I'm gonna find
• 1:56:22
  Speaker 1: something else. So got hooked up with somebody else, got
• 1:56:25
  Speaker 1: a therapist. So I'm doing doing all that stuff right.
• 1:56:27
  Speaker 1: Talking these things out right fired that therapist right, because
• 1:56:30
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about like the you know, the the level
• 1:56:35
  Speaker 1: that I take everything right, She'd like, well, how much
• 1:56:37
  Speaker 1: do you drink? Well, how big is a bottle? Like
• 1:56:40
  Speaker 1: I'm not trying to glamorize it, but you know, I
• 1:56:42
  Speaker 1: might drink once a week, but if I had the
• 1:56:44
  Speaker 1: full bottle of tekeil, I drink the whole thing. I
• 1:56:45
  Speaker 1: was fine. That's the messed up part. My wife's like,
• 1:56:47
  Speaker 1: how are you functioning? Like I'm fine, Like I'm drunk,
• 1:56:50
  Speaker 1: but I'm not stumbling, I'm not puking. I can handle it, right.
• 1:56:54
  Speaker 1: So I'm talking about that, and I'm also talking about, Oh,
• 1:56:56
  Speaker 1: then I trying to cope. So I'm gonna go on
• 1:56:58
  Speaker 1: a bike ride. So I go on, you know whatever,
• 1:57:01
  Speaker 1: the longest bike ride I can to try and get
• 1:57:02
  Speaker 1: my heart to explode, right, because it's everything's an extreme
• 1:57:05
  Speaker 1: and He's like, well that's not healthy. I remember saying that,
• 1:57:07
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, well you don't get us then, right,
• 1:57:09
  Speaker 1: because we do everything extreme, Like there's no like this
• 1:57:12
  Speaker 1: is healthy, right you just you know you you go
• 1:57:15
  Speaker 1: for a nice little jog, right, No, you go to
• 1:57:17
  Speaker 1: like grind out all the bad stuff, right, right, And
• 1:57:20
  Speaker 1: so work through the therapy, you know, I'm I'm doing
• 1:57:24
  Speaker 1: all these treatments and am I a little bit better? Yes,
• 1:57:26
  Speaker 1: you know, five five percent better, ten percent better, but
• 1:57:29
  Speaker 1: still having a ton of ideation. Right, there's still days, right,
• 1:57:33
  Speaker 1: I'm telling my wife again, like when you go into
• 1:57:36
  Speaker 1: it and be like here's all the stuff right like this,
• 1:57:40
  Speaker 1: I can't be around you guys like this is And she'
• 1:57:42
  Speaker 1: said what are you talking about? Right? And I meant
• 1:57:44
  Speaker 1: it I did because at that point I'm like, I'm
• 1:57:46
  Speaker 1: a I'm not a good father, I'm not a good husband.
• 1:57:48
  Speaker 1: I can't barely function. I'm trying to do I'm trying
• 1:57:50
  Speaker 1: to get healthy and it's not working. And then so
• 1:57:53
  Speaker 1: it happened to be I was started listening to military podcasts.
• 1:57:56
  Speaker 1: I'm a huge military supporter. You know, my dad was
• 1:57:59
  Speaker 1: in the Marines. I just I have affection for those
• 1:58:03
  Speaker 1: guys and what they've done and just like kind of
• 1:58:05
  Speaker 1: like you guys, like there are people right, they think
• 1:58:07
  Speaker 1: like us, they say mannerisms, they yes, right. And so
• 1:58:12
  Speaker 1: I was listening to the Team Never Quit podcasts that
• 1:58:15
  Speaker 1: Marcus Latrell does, and I had to listen to a
• 1:58:18
  Speaker 1: bunch of them listen to because every story was like, oh, Okay,
• 1:58:21
  Speaker 1: this guy made it right. He did he alcohol abuse,
• 1:58:23
  Speaker 1: all the rage, depression, all this stuff and tells their
• 1:58:26
  Speaker 1: feel good story. And then it happened to be listening
• 1:58:29
  Speaker 1: to one of those and Marcus Capone who was another
• 1:58:31
  Speaker 1: he played actually played college football and then was a
• 1:58:33
  Speaker 1: thirteen year seal and he was on there talking about
• 1:58:36
  Speaker 1: his journey and I'm like listening to it and again
• 1:58:39
  Speaker 1: back to this moment to where I don't know if
• 1:58:42
  Speaker 1: I'm really here or not. I'm listening. I think that
• 1:58:45
  Speaker 1: I'm talking in the radio. So I'm driving. I was
• 1:58:47
  Speaker 1: we're still living in the Bay aer it's time and
• 1:58:48
  Speaker 1: driving up to Tahoe to our cabin to give my
• 1:58:51
  Speaker 1: wife and kids a break from me, and I remember
• 1:58:53
  Speaker 1: listening to them. I'm like I'm in the radio talking right,
• 1:58:56
  Speaker 1: and I'm like I'm losing my mind because I thought
• 1:58:58
  Speaker 1: my voice was coming out of the rad and I
• 1:59:00
  Speaker 1: called my wife and I was like, hey, I'm on
• 1:59:02
  Speaker 1: the radio. What are you talking about? Like, listen to
• 1:59:05
  Speaker 1: this podcast. It's me talking, right, because it was the
• 1:59:08
  Speaker 1: story all the stuff TBI and and then it was
• 1:59:11
  Speaker 1: his wife, Yeah.
• 1:59:13
  Speaker 4: I'm on the radio right, and say yea, yeah, yeah,
• 1:59:16
  Speaker 4: it was right funny.
• 1:59:17
  Speaker 1: But that's funny now because she's like yeah, I'm like, no,
• 1:59:19
  Speaker 1: turn it on right now. She's like, okay, I'm putting
• 1:59:22
  Speaker 1: the kids to bed. I'll listen to the podcast later,
• 1:59:24
  Speaker 1: and you know, it's but in my head, I'm like, no,
• 1:59:26
  Speaker 1: it's me. And she's like, man, you're off your rocker, right,
• 1:59:30
  Speaker 1: But thank god, you know I told her numerous times ago,
• 1:59:33
  Speaker 1: I said you should leave me, like you know, and
• 1:59:35
  Speaker 1: I meant it because I'm like, I'm a mess, Like
• 1:59:37
  Speaker 1: this is happening right, I'm like, this is not sane,
• 1:59:39
  Speaker 1: the fact that I'm calling you and telling you that
• 1:59:41
  Speaker 1: I'm on the radio and I mean it. I don't
• 1:59:43
  Speaker 1: just mean, oh, this is my story. I'm I'm talking
• 1:59:44
  Speaker 1: on the radio. So I hear that, and then Marcus
• 1:59:48
  Speaker 1: Capone and his wife are on there and he went
• 1:59:49
  Speaker 1: through all this stuff, right, So I'm like, holy cow,
• 1:59:52
  Speaker 1: this is me.
• 1:59:53
  Speaker 4: Uh.
• 1:59:53
  Speaker 1: And then at the end his story was, you know,
• 1:59:57
  Speaker 1: he went to Mexico did this psychedelica to theray be
• 2:00:00
  Speaker 1: with this drug called iba gain and I knew nothing
• 2:00:03
  Speaker 1: about it. And then he's talking about his recovery and
• 2:00:05
  Speaker 1: how it changed his brain fog and his mental clarity
• 2:00:08
  Speaker 1: and took away all this his ego and his rage
• 2:00:10
  Speaker 1: and all these things that I'm like, oh shit. So
• 2:00:13
  Speaker 1: for me it was hope. I'm like, holy cow, there's
• 2:00:15
  Speaker 1: there's something i can do because all this other stuff
• 2:00:17
  Speaker 1: I've been doing for a year and a half is
• 2:00:18
  Speaker 1: not working.
• 2:00:19
  Speaker 4: And it helped a little bit, but nothing substantial.
• 2:00:22
  Speaker 1: Right, And so listen to it. Call my wife, beck,
• 2:00:25
  Speaker 1: you gotta listen to it. I'll listen tomorrow, all right.
• 2:00:28
  Speaker 1: So I get to our He's.
• 2:00:30
  Speaker 2: Like, I crushed this podcast.
• 2:00:33
  Speaker 1: That was good. So I reached out. So they had
• 2:00:36
  Speaker 1: started an organizations called VET Solutions, and because he had
• 2:00:40
  Speaker 1: healing and he wanted to help, you know, obviously with
• 2:00:42
  Speaker 1: the suicide epidemic and with veterans, he wanted to help
• 2:00:45
  Speaker 1: his guys. And so I'm like, I'm gonna try. So
• 2:00:47
  Speaker 1: I get on the web internet and get their website.
• 2:00:51
  Speaker 1: Emailed them, thinking no way, but hey, for that night
• 2:00:54
  Speaker 1: I felt good, like there's hope. Next day and get
• 2:00:56
  Speaker 1: a call from his people. Then Marcus and Amberg Campone
• 2:00:59
  Speaker 1: call me and we talk that day for quite a
• 2:01:03
  Speaker 1: while and multiple days in a row, and he's talking
• 2:01:06
  Speaker 1: about all these things, right, He's like, well, hey, there's
• 2:01:08
  Speaker 1: there's other stuff you can do first, like I did,
• 2:01:10
  Speaker 1: you know, hyperbaric therapy in this and this and then
• 2:01:14
  Speaker 1: and I finally stopped like, hey, not to be rude,
• 2:01:15
  Speaker 1: hold my beer, like I've done all this, Like everything
• 2:01:18
  Speaker 1: you're talking about, I've done. And so he was talking
• 2:01:22
  Speaker 1: about this medicine, you know, drug and you know how
• 2:01:26
  Speaker 1: it helped him, and they had sent two hundred guys,
• 2:01:28
  Speaker 1: two hundred veterans, so his organization deals with special OT veterans. Them.
• 2:01:33
  Speaker 1: He put me in contact with some of his guys
• 2:01:35
  Speaker 1: who had gone through this treatment. And there's no way, right,
• 2:01:38
  Speaker 1: But he was talking about the brain fog because I
• 2:01:40
  Speaker 1: had super bad brain fag, right, just all day in
• 2:01:42
  Speaker 1: a haze, and he's talking about how that goes away
• 2:01:45
  Speaker 1: and the ringing in my ears, right, I couldn't There
• 2:01:48
  Speaker 1: was always a ringing, right, So on top of the
• 2:01:50
  Speaker 1: emotional stuff, it was the actual brain stuff. And so,
• 2:01:54
  Speaker 1: long story short, we talk about it on and off
• 2:01:57
  Speaker 1: for a week and he's like, Hey, I'm taking a
• 2:01:59
  Speaker 1: group of my kind a well known you know, some
• 2:02:01
  Speaker 1: higher profile veterans. There's four of them. We have one
• 2:02:04
  Speaker 1: extra spot in three weeks if you want to join, Like,
• 2:02:08
  Speaker 1: you seem like a guy that would fit in with this,
• 2:02:09
  Speaker 1: and I think this will help you. And so I'm like,
• 2:02:12
  Speaker 1: I'm in right. He's like, Okay, well, we gotta you know,
• 2:02:15
  Speaker 1: we need there's a few things we got to do beforehand, right,
• 2:02:17
  Speaker 1: because you can.
• 2:02:18
  Speaker 4: Before you go into that out at this point in
• 2:02:21
  Speaker 4: your life, how much experience have you had with other
• 2:02:24
  Speaker 4: drugs other than just marijuana, like psychedelics, different things like
• 2:02:28
  Speaker 4: did you ever take part in any of those things,
• 2:02:30
  Speaker 4: like in college or NFL.
• 2:02:34
  Speaker 1: To this point?
• 2:02:34
  Speaker 5: None?
• 2:02:35
  Speaker 4: So this point none, nothing. I'm on a phone and
• 2:02:37
  Speaker 4: you're like, I'm in on trying this thing, and I'm
• 2:02:40
  Speaker 4: assuming TJ.
• 2:02:41
  Speaker 1: Yes, yep. I mean I'd smoked weed a couple of
• 2:02:43
  Speaker 1: times in my life. It didn't work for me because
• 2:02:45
  Speaker 1: I tried that when I was coping to like, oh,
• 2:02:47
  Speaker 1: you know, Kyle Turley found healing through marijuana. I reached
• 2:02:50
  Speaker 1: I reached out to him, right, like, trying all these
• 2:02:52
  Speaker 1: different ones, and it made me feel sick or I
• 2:02:54
  Speaker 1: was out right, it was just it wasn't yep, it
• 2:02:57
  Speaker 1: wasn't my thing. So I had zero experience, knew nothing
• 2:02:59
  Speaker 1: of That.
• 2:03:00
  Speaker 2: Helps shut it down for maybe momentarily, but.
• 2:03:02
  Speaker 1: Right, yeah, and so I'm learning about this and he
• 2:03:05
  Speaker 1: puts me on the phone with the doctors and they're
• 2:03:06
  Speaker 1: explaining it and that. You know, at that point, I
• 2:03:08
  Speaker 1: didn't care. I'm like, I'm in. But it was like,
• 2:03:11
  Speaker 1: knew nothing about psychedelics and they're talking about the hallucinations. Right,
• 2:03:14
  Speaker 1: I knew the you know, I went through dare like,
• 2:03:16
  Speaker 1: I'm sure you guys did. Yeah, some of the stories, right,
• 2:03:19
  Speaker 1: you know the people that did psychedelics and jumped off
• 2:03:22
  Speaker 1: the roof, right.
• 2:03:23
  Speaker 4: The crazy stories, Yes, scare tactics.
• 2:03:26
  Speaker 1: But by the way, dare t shirt actually bought one
• 2:03:29
  Speaker 1: a few years ago.
• 2:03:31
  Speaker 2: Shirt.
• 2:03:33
  Speaker 1: That's awesome.
• 2:03:34
  Speaker 2: So now, are you on prescriptions too before you out
• 2:03:37
  Speaker 2: there because you're obviously doing the hyperbarak, you're doing all
• 2:03:39
  Speaker 2: these things, but I'm assuming working with therapists and doctors
• 2:03:41
  Speaker 2: there's probably some prescriptions.
• 2:03:42
  Speaker 1: Yes, indepressants, And that was part of the deal when
• 2:03:44
  Speaker 1: he said, hey, we got to so they put me
• 2:03:46
  Speaker 1: in contact. And that's the thing about iby gain, which
• 2:03:49
  Speaker 1: so I be gain is the highest highest powered psychedelic
• 2:03:53
  Speaker 1: theory is so you know, there's psilocybin, there's ayahuasca. It
• 2:03:55
  Speaker 1: is here compared to here, I mean, it is the
• 2:03:58
  Speaker 1: highest power now at all altill has. You know, if
• 2:04:01
  Speaker 1: you're on it can react with SSRs, it can react
• 2:04:05
  Speaker 1: with antidepressants and send you into cardiac arrest. So it
• 2:04:07
  Speaker 1: can also kill you. And I'm like, it's all good.
• 2:04:10
  Speaker 1: I'm fine, right, yeah, right, I don't care if it
• 2:04:13
  Speaker 1: kills me. It kills me, it's better than the way
• 2:04:15
  Speaker 1: I'm living right now. I mean funny, but not funny.
• 2:04:17
  Speaker 1: But that's the way. I was like, if it kills me,
• 2:04:18
  Speaker 1: it was supposed to because this way to live is
• 2:04:21
  Speaker 1: not the way I want to live. And so, yes,
• 2:04:23
  Speaker 1: I had to. That treatment was three weeks from that date,
• 2:04:27
  Speaker 1: and they're like you have to get off this, this
• 2:04:29
  Speaker 1: and this right, So and I was on a high
• 2:04:31
  Speaker 1: powered antidepressant and so I call my doctor and she's like,
• 2:04:35
  Speaker 1: you can't get off that fast. I mean, you have
• 2:04:37
  Speaker 1: to wean off this for months. And I said, you know,
• 2:04:40
  Speaker 1: I remember the conversation. I says, is it going to
• 2:04:42
  Speaker 1: kill me? And she said, no, it's not going to
• 2:04:43
  Speaker 1: kill you, but you're going to have bad side effects,
• 2:04:46
  Speaker 1: like you're going to lose your mind like it is.
• 2:04:48
  Speaker 1: It is hard to come off this stuff. And said,
• 2:04:49
  Speaker 1: I don't give a shit if it's not going to
• 2:04:50
  Speaker 1: kill me, hung up on her, you know, and I
• 2:04:52
  Speaker 1: quit taking it. I did a half pell for one day,
• 2:04:54
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, I got four days to do this.
• 2:04:56
  Speaker 1: It's going to stop taking it. So I get, you know,
• 2:04:58
  Speaker 1: but my wife knew, right, my friend and I knew
• 2:05:01
  Speaker 1: that there was going to be side effects.
• 2:05:02
  Speaker 4: So my wife, are you in Tahoe by yourself still
• 2:05:04
  Speaker 4: or are you back home?
• 2:05:05
  Speaker 1: We are living full time in Tahoe at this point,
• 2:05:08
  Speaker 1: so we moved up there and so I'm there my wife,
• 2:05:11
  Speaker 1: you know, she knows, she knows what I told her.
• 2:05:14
  Speaker 1: They said, oh, I'm gonna have effects from this, and
• 2:05:16
  Speaker 1: so her and couple friends are checking on me. Right
• 2:05:18
  Speaker 1: My my buddies would come over at five in the
• 2:05:20
  Speaker 1: morning to make sure I was okay. And because I
• 2:05:23
  Speaker 1: always got up super early and worked out, and she's
• 2:05:25
  Speaker 1: working me through this. But I had huge side effects.
• 2:05:27
  Speaker 1: I mean I showed up at my buddy's shop. My
• 2:05:30
  Speaker 1: my buddies are steel workers, like old school metal forgers,
• 2:05:34
  Speaker 1: younger than me, but they do the old school way.
• 2:05:37
  Speaker 1: And I remember showing up at their their shot just raging.
• 2:05:41
  Speaker 1: I didn't know how I got there and just losing
• 2:05:44
  Speaker 1: losing my shit and I don't know I got here
• 2:05:47
  Speaker 1: and almost didn't and they're like whoa. And I learned
• 2:05:50
  Speaker 1: later they're like, oh dude, you scared us, right, So
• 2:05:52
  Speaker 1: this is during that process of what I'm weaning off of,
• 2:05:55
  Speaker 1: you know, when I went cold turkey on these medicines.
• 2:05:57
  Speaker 1: So they got me through it, you know, my wife
• 2:06:00
  Speaker 1: got me through it. And then you know, three weeks later,
• 2:06:03
  Speaker 1: I get on a plane to San Diego meet up
• 2:06:05
  Speaker 1: with this group and then to go down to Pest.
• 2:06:09
  Speaker 1: You wanted to go get this treatment.
• 2:06:11
  Speaker 4: Jesus, that is fucking wild.
• 2:06:14
  Speaker 2: I would have been. I would have been terrified. Yeahs oh, no,
• 2:06:18
  Speaker 2: doubt was one.
• 2:06:20
  Speaker 8: Right.
• 2:06:20
  Speaker 4: Now, We've been around somebody with a manic episode before
• 2:06:22
  Speaker 4: and it's like you really don't know how.
• 2:06:24
  Speaker 2: To handle it.
• 2:06:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, later, I asked them in there because I
• 2:06:27
  Speaker 1: remember it because I remember losing it. But they were like,
• 2:06:29
  Speaker 1: you know, I came back after healing, and then I
• 2:06:32
  Speaker 1: was like, hey, what what happened that day? Because I,
• 2:06:34
  Speaker 1: you know, recalled it and relived it in my in
• 2:06:37
  Speaker 1: my treatment. But they're like, oh god, you just get
• 2:06:40
  Speaker 1: shadows like and told me what happened. I'm like, oh god,
• 2:06:43
  Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, then I kept asking my wife
• 2:06:45
  Speaker 1: what else did I do? Right, Like, yeah, what what
• 2:06:47
  Speaker 1: did I do at home? You know? So it was
• 2:06:48
  Speaker 1: kind of one of those like funny but not funny,
• 2:06:50
  Speaker 1: but I'm like, oh God, like you kind of forget
• 2:06:52
  Speaker 1: how bad stuff was. But yeah, those they were they
• 2:06:55
  Speaker 1: were like, oh you scared us. Like they're working class,
• 2:06:59
  Speaker 1: their dudes, and they're like, we were frightened.
• 2:07:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 2:07:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you can only imagine you're you're a guy saying
• 2:07:03
  Speaker 2: you're on a podcast. It this is prescribed, Rob, say
• 2:07:07
  Speaker 2: you're on a podcast. Tell them therapist? Is he gonna
• 2:07:10
  Speaker 2: kill me?
• 2:07:10
  Speaker 5: No?
• 2:07:10
  Speaker 2: Click? Hang up quick, cold turkey. We don't know what
• 2:07:13
  Speaker 2: kind of side effects are about to come out of
• 2:07:14
  Speaker 2: rock right right now?
• 2:07:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah? So you okay, you fly to San Diego, you
• 2:07:19
  Speaker 4: meet up with Marcus Latrell and four or five other
• 2:07:22
  Speaker 4: high profile vets. Yeah, you guys getting a van head
• 2:07:26
  Speaker 4: down to TJ just south of TJ, Like are you
• 2:07:28
  Speaker 4: in the middle of the desert, Like talk me through
• 2:07:30
  Speaker 4: this entire process as if I'm going to go take
• 2:07:33
  Speaker 4: it as well, and you're giving me the map to it.
• 2:07:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So it was it was full circle. So, you know,
• 2:07:36
  Speaker 1: I listened to all the Marcus's podcast and then I
• 2:07:39
  Speaker 1: get there and he's come out with this story. We've talked,
• 2:07:41
  Speaker 1: I've been on his pocket, We've talked about it, right,
• 2:07:43
  Speaker 1: So I'm not nothing that is not out there. But
• 2:07:46
  Speaker 1: I remember walking in. I'm like, holy shit, I'm out
• 2:07:48
  Speaker 1: of my mind right, Like I'm like just trying to
• 2:07:50
  Speaker 1: survive to get to the streatment course. Yes's Marcus a
• 2:07:52
  Speaker 1: trail and I remember going up to him like idiot, Hey,
• 2:07:56
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you like doing your podcast, but
• 2:07:57
  Speaker 1: it saved my life a few times, like listening to it,
• 2:08:00
  Speaker 1: and I remember looking at me and look back down
• 2:08:03
  Speaker 1: that was in I'm like, right, and so all these
• 2:08:06
  Speaker 1: these guys are in the same boat. I am right,
• 2:08:07
  Speaker 1: getting off all their They're sixty pack from the VA,
• 2:08:10
  Speaker 1: so getting a van driver us through Tijuana. You know,
• 2:08:12
  Speaker 1: we go to a you know, a gated kid it's
• 2:08:15
  Speaker 1: a nice spot, gated community. But we're going through Tijuana, right,
• 2:08:19
  Speaker 1: and now I'm like where it right? So now I'm
• 2:08:20
  Speaker 1: like kind of sobering up. And I'm like, you know,
• 2:08:23
  Speaker 1: so you go into these episodes to where you're out
• 2:08:25
  Speaker 1: of your mind, not thinking clearly to like I'm fine,
• 2:08:27
  Speaker 1: Like I'm not really like that, right, that stuff didn't happen.
• 2:08:30
  Speaker 1: I'm not you know, I'm not suicidal. I'm not this
• 2:08:33
  Speaker 1: and I'm driving through Mexico thinking where am I going?
• 2:08:35
  Speaker 1: Like again, I've taken it too far? Now I'm driving
• 2:08:38
  Speaker 1: through the hood of Mexico, right, and I get.
• 2:08:42
  Speaker 2: Up your story even more?
• 2:08:43
  Speaker 1: Right, I'm not I don't travel a ton, And I'm like,
• 2:08:46
  Speaker 1: I grew up in a small town and I live
• 2:08:48
  Speaker 1: in a small town. I'm not a world traveler, right,
• 2:08:50
  Speaker 1: so I haven't seen these other countries and I'm like,
• 2:08:53
  Speaker 1: oh my god, where are we going? So get take
• 2:08:56
  Speaker 1: us to the facility. It's a it's in a gated community.
• 2:08:58
  Speaker 1: It's a home, you know, it's just a normal house.
• 2:09:00
  Speaker 1: And then we walk in and it's it's like a
• 2:09:02
  Speaker 1: medical center. Right, there's part of it that looks like
• 2:09:04
  Speaker 1: a healing you know, like what you think of a
• 2:09:07
  Speaker 1: psychedelic treatment center. Then we go upstairs and it's lay down,
• 2:09:10
  Speaker 1: take a shirt off, blood test, make sure we're on nothing, EKG.
• 2:09:14
  Speaker 1: Checked to make sure your heart's healthy, you know, so
• 2:09:16
  Speaker 1: you know in the case we're lying, you know, right, yes,
• 2:09:18
  Speaker 1: because this medicine they've told us, right, this stuff can
• 2:09:21
  Speaker 1: counter counteract with things and it can kill you. Or
• 2:09:23
  Speaker 1: if you have a weak Herder heart problem, it's harder
• 2:09:26
  Speaker 1: on your heart.
• 2:09:26
  Speaker 2: Right, and you're like three weeks cold turkey right.
• 2:09:28
  Speaker 1: Right, right, right right, So you know, I'm scared. Now,
• 2:09:31
  Speaker 1: I'm scared, like what did I do? I'm taking this
• 2:09:32
  Speaker 1: too far again, right, So I'm now I'm beating myself
• 2:09:35
  Speaker 1: up again, Like what are you doing? You're in Mexico
• 2:09:37
  Speaker 1: in this random house with a bunch of Navy seals
• 2:09:40
  Speaker 1: and fighter PILs. You know, these guys, what am I doing?
• 2:09:44
  Speaker 1: Go through the process, you know, get checked in, they
• 2:09:46
  Speaker 1: do all these tests, and then we all sit down
• 2:09:49
  Speaker 1: and it's a you know, it's a therapy session, right,
• 2:09:51
  Speaker 1: It's like why are you here? Right? And it's for
• 2:09:54
  Speaker 1: whatever reason you know I wanted healing, and I was
• 2:09:56
  Speaker 1: very honest as were these other veterans about why they
• 2:09:59
  Speaker 1: were there, what they wanted to get rid of. Right,
• 2:10:01
  Speaker 1: that's part of this medicine is in any plant medicine
• 2:10:05
  Speaker 1: is you know, take this from me. And I remember
• 2:10:07
  Speaker 1: saying that take this rage from me, take this self hatred,
• 2:10:10
  Speaker 1: take all these things. Right, So there was ceremonies involved, Right,
• 2:10:15
  Speaker 1: So we do a fire ceremony. You write the stuff down,
• 2:10:17
  Speaker 1: you burn it, and then they hand you a cup
• 2:10:18
  Speaker 1: with some pills in it. Right, and it's it's this,
• 2:10:22
  Speaker 1: it's this medicine. It's a root bark. It's an African
• 2:10:24
  Speaker 1: root bark, and it's in a capsule and you know,
• 2:10:27
  Speaker 1: down the hatch. And then they take you upstairs to room.
• 2:10:31
  Speaker 1: There's five mattresses on the ground. Hook us up to
• 2:10:34
  Speaker 1: the EKGs, get us, you know, comfortable and and this
• 2:10:40
  Speaker 1: then then it starts, right waiting for the for the
• 2:10:42
  Speaker 1: for the medicine to kick in.
• 2:10:44
  Speaker 2: What's the fear levels? Like as you throw it down
• 2:10:47
  Speaker 2: the hatchet, you go up, lay down on the bed.
• 2:10:50
  Speaker 2: It's like get comfortable. And at this point you're just
• 2:10:53
  Speaker 2: waiting for I don't even know what I'm.
• 2:10:55
  Speaker 4: Because I'm thinking, like, uh, when I first envisioned this,
• 2:10:57
  Speaker 4: it's like you're in the desert Zakaria. Everyone's got like
• 2:11:01
  Speaker 4: a handler type of thing. You're running around different places,
• 2:11:04
  Speaker 4: but you're just laying down for this whole thing.
• 2:11:06
  Speaker 1: It is this this medicine is very I mean it
• 2:11:08
  Speaker 1: melts you into the floor. There you can get up
• 2:11:10
  Speaker 1: and move. Not too many people are you're either getting
• 2:11:12
  Speaker 1: nauseous or but it is I mean, it literally feels
• 2:11:15
  Speaker 1: like it melts you into the floor. There's there's not
• 2:11:16
  Speaker 1: a lot of moving.
• 2:11:17
  Speaker 4: And how quickly is this medicine taking place? Like are
• 2:11:20
  Speaker 4: you fasted at this point?
• 2:11:21
  Speaker 1: Yes, so we had Neaton since breakfast that morning and
• 2:11:25
  Speaker 1: now you so that's a breakfast and then this is
• 2:11:27
  Speaker 1: eight o'clock at night and we're taking so you're fasted
• 2:11:30
  Speaker 1: and within an hour, you know, you start I start
• 2:11:32
  Speaker 1: hearing the buzzing. So I'm scared, Like I'll admit, I'm
• 2:11:35
  Speaker 1: in tears laying there like you know, I guess you
• 2:11:38
  Speaker 1: either fix me or kill me, right, because I wanted
• 2:11:42
  Speaker 1: healing at that point, right and to me, it was
• 2:11:44
  Speaker 1: the last ditch effort. I didn't know if this didn't work.
• 2:11:46
  Speaker 1: If I was going to make it, quite honestly, because
• 2:11:49
  Speaker 1: it'd just gotten bad again and I didn't know if
• 2:11:53
  Speaker 1: this wasn't the answer because I tried everything right, and
• 2:11:55
  Speaker 1: so that was my thought during this. Well, then you
• 2:11:57
  Speaker 1: start having the reaction to the medicine, right, so there's
• 2:12:00
  Speaker 1: and they tell you things that are gonna happen, but
• 2:12:02
  Speaker 1: like this buzzing and then these feelings, and I'm like,
• 2:12:05
  Speaker 1: and I don't like that, right, That's probably why I
• 2:12:06
  Speaker 1: hadn't you know, Dare worked with me, right, I was
• 2:12:08
  Speaker 1: scared of drugs. Yeah, and it's like this is you know,
• 2:12:12
  Speaker 1: I am very much like I like to control everything,
• 2:12:14
  Speaker 1: and now I'm out of control. So it was super scary,
• 2:12:17
  Speaker 1: and it is. It kicked in more and more. Right
• 2:12:20
  Speaker 1: now I'm panicking and like my heart's racing and I'm like,
• 2:12:22
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to die, and so all these things
• 2:12:24
  Speaker 1: and they're great, they work you through this. You have
• 2:12:26
  Speaker 1: therapy sessions before, they have coaching to tell you how
• 2:12:30
  Speaker 1: to deal with that, and so I just like, you know,
• 2:12:31
  Speaker 1: they had told us just be curious and just give
• 2:12:34
  Speaker 1: into it. So I just did this breathing stuff they
• 2:12:36
  Speaker 1: taught us. And then then the medicine fully kicked in,
• 2:12:40
  Speaker 1: and so now you know, you have eye shades over
• 2:12:43
  Speaker 1: your eyes. You're laying on the ground, and now different.
• 2:12:45
  Speaker 1: Now there's buzzing, and now there's now I'm seeing lights
• 2:12:47
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, holy shit, my first experience with psychedelics. Right,
• 2:12:51
  Speaker 1: So I'm seeing these lights coming in and then all
• 2:12:55
  Speaker 1: of a sudden, I see things. And they kept telling
• 2:12:57
  Speaker 1: us be curious. Right, So we have a therapist next
• 2:12:58
  Speaker 1: to you, right, and I'm like, you know, I'm seeing
• 2:13:01
  Speaker 1: this or They're like, just you know, be curious to
• 2:13:03
  Speaker 1: go look at it, you know, so in this mask,
• 2:13:05
  Speaker 1: and so I know, I'm take my mask off to
• 2:13:07
  Speaker 1: make sure I'm still in the room. Right, guys are
• 2:13:09
  Speaker 1: puking because a lot of guys purge, right, so they
• 2:13:12
  Speaker 1: had not a win on their part, but they had
• 2:13:15
  Speaker 1: little tin buckets for our puke buckets. So everything's super intense.
• 2:13:19
  Speaker 1: So all I hear is ding ding ding, you know, guys,
• 2:13:21
  Speaker 1: like it's like the most intense thing you've ever been
• 2:13:23
  Speaker 1: a part of. So you've got four other guys working
• 2:13:25
  Speaker 1: through stuff already in the medicine.
• 2:13:28
  Speaker 4: You can obviously hear them talking about what they are
• 2:13:30
  Speaker 4: going through.
• 2:13:31
  Speaker 1: Right, So this is everything. It's super intense. So then
• 2:13:34
  Speaker 1: I get fully into it, right, and I just remember,
• 2:13:39
  Speaker 1: you know, seeing, you know, hearing these things, seeing the lights. Right,
• 2:13:41
  Speaker 1: So I felt like I was up in space, like
• 2:13:43
  Speaker 1: with all these lights coming at me like the stars.
• 2:13:45
  Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden there was like these
• 2:13:47
  Speaker 1: movies and I'm watching this movie. So it was this
• 2:13:50
  Speaker 1: continual movie flying through space of my life, like different things, right.
• 2:13:54
  Speaker 1: And I didn't have I didn't have childhood trauma like
• 2:13:57
  Speaker 1: I have a great family, I have great parents. Did
• 2:14:01
  Speaker 1: I get a whooping every now and then because I
• 2:14:02
  Speaker 1: deserved it?
• 2:14:03
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
• 2:14:04
  Speaker 1: So I'm not working through child abuse or sexual abuse right,
• 2:14:08
  Speaker 1: like some of these veterans are right. But it was
• 2:14:11
  Speaker 1: just more a story of my life, whether it was football,
• 2:14:14
  Speaker 1: whether it was Iowa, whether it was a prose, whether
• 2:14:17
  Speaker 1: it was different things. I'm watching this movie float through
• 2:14:19
  Speaker 1: the sky, which sounds crazy unless you've done it. But
• 2:14:21
  Speaker 1: it was this continual show right going through this. I
• 2:14:25
  Speaker 1: remember watching him like why is it showing me this?
• 2:14:28
  Speaker 1: And then I'd grab stuff. I'm like, oh that was sweet.
• 2:14:30
  Speaker 1: You know Iowa, when we beat Michigan at Michigan, I'll
• 2:14:34
  Speaker 1: take that kept up my heart may or may not
• 2:14:38
  Speaker 1: have been in there, but things like that, right, stuff
• 2:14:43
  Speaker 1: that I'd grab and I'd throw it to my throat,
• 2:14:46
  Speaker 1: to my heart, and I want to keep that. It
• 2:14:47
  Speaker 1: makes me feel good, right, And then I'd grab stuff
• 2:14:49
  Speaker 1: out of the movie and I'd sling it out in
• 2:14:51
  Speaker 1: the universe, and I just remember that that reel just
• 2:14:53
  Speaker 1: floating off into space. So I'm watching all this stuff
• 2:14:57
  Speaker 1: and it's right, and you're like, is this for real? Right?
• 2:15:00
  Speaker 1: So you're in and out of it, go through that
• 2:15:02
  Speaker 1: for which seemed like hours. Then there's a point I
• 2:15:06
  Speaker 1: don't remember anything. I'm like, I must have fallen asleep
• 2:15:09
  Speaker 1: whatever it was. I wake up the next morning, So
• 2:15:11
  Speaker 1: this is twelve hours later. Right, You're in this trip
• 2:15:14
  Speaker 1: for ten to twelve hours? Holy shit, so wake up,
• 2:15:17
  Speaker 1: like what time is it? Right? Well, instantly I thought
• 2:15:21
  Speaker 1: nothing happened, because in that moment, I couldn't remember anything,
• 2:15:24
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, I fucked this up too, Like first
• 2:15:26
  Speaker 1: thing I said, I'm like I screwed this up to
• 2:15:28
  Speaker 1: like I'm a failure again. And then I go to
• 2:15:31
  Speaker 1: get up right, And that was the instant feeling because
• 2:15:35
  Speaker 1: I didn't recall all of these things like instantly, and
• 2:15:39
  Speaker 1: then I go to get up and now I start
• 2:15:41
  Speaker 1: throwing up. I can't get up, like my legs don't work.
• 2:15:44
  Speaker 1: Like I'm like, oh, I messed myself up, like again
• 2:15:46
  Speaker 1: failure right, Like trying to get up to go to
• 2:15:49
  Speaker 1: the bathroom because ID lay there for twelve hours, couldn't
• 2:15:52
  Speaker 1: function my legs. They put me in a wheelchair, rolled
• 2:15:54
  Speaker 1: me to the bathroom, and go to the bathroom. So
• 2:15:56
  Speaker 1: I'm living through this that morning, finally things start coming around.
• 2:16:00
  Speaker 1: But I'm definitely sick all day, throwing up all day,
• 2:16:02
  Speaker 1: could not function. But things started coming back. I'm like,
• 2:16:05
  Speaker 1: the real part came back to me because I feel
• 2:16:08
  Speaker 1: a little bit better now and I'm remembering, like, holy crap.
• 2:16:10
  Speaker 1: So I'm writing in my journal as they tell us
• 2:16:11
  Speaker 1: to remember all these things I saw. I threw this away.
• 2:16:15
  Speaker 1: I kept this. What was that? So you're trying to
• 2:16:17
  Speaker 1: process these things you remember that happened. So that second
• 2:16:20
  Speaker 1: day is a gray day, right, they're getting IV's, you're
• 2:16:23
  Speaker 1: super hydra. Gray is like a down day. It's a
• 2:16:27
  Speaker 1: you're gonna just feel gray, right, You're gonna you're gonna
• 2:16:29
  Speaker 1: feel sick like it is. It is physically. The medicine
• 2:16:32
  Speaker 1: is physically demanding on you physically and mentally, but it's
• 2:16:36
  Speaker 1: physically demanding high heart rate all night, you know, for
• 2:16:38
  Speaker 1: twelve hours of your heart beating super fast. You're dealing
• 2:16:40
  Speaker 1: with So it's you're gonna feel like crap, right, that's it.
• 2:16:43
  Speaker 1: So that's why they call it the gray day. Gotcha,
• 2:16:45
  Speaker 1: So do nothing that day, try and get some food in.
• 2:16:47
  Speaker 1: I just feel deathly sick. Finally able to get up
• 2:16:51
  Speaker 1: and somewhat walk that night, go down and have a
• 2:16:54
  Speaker 1: little suit. There's a picture of all of us and
• 2:16:56
  Speaker 1: I just looked like death warmed over, right, and go
• 2:16:59
  Speaker 1: to bed, get up the next morning and then that day.
• 2:17:03
  Speaker 1: So now we do the second medicine, which is five
• 2:17:05
  Speaker 1: me o d MT. So they like pairing it with
• 2:17:07
  Speaker 1: ibagain and five me o because they say the IBA
• 2:17:10
  Speaker 1: gain like defrags your brain does all this healing, and
• 2:17:12
  Speaker 1: the five me e o is more of a spiritual,
• 2:17:16
  Speaker 1: a spiritual trip you take to deal stuff, loss of ego.
• 2:17:19
  Speaker 1: Do you experience death right? More things? I'm like, So
• 2:17:22
  Speaker 1: I get through this iby gain and now it's the
• 2:17:24
  Speaker 1: next morning and you smoke five d NTU smoke right,
• 2:17:28
  Speaker 1: it's toad poison. It comes from derived from a toad,
• 2:17:31
  Speaker 1: a poisonous tote.
• 2:17:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, called DNT like blasting off right, It's like a
• 2:17:35
  Speaker 4: rocket ship sending you into space.
• 2:17:36
  Speaker 1: Yes, uh, And so now I'm scared again.
• 2:17:38
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, I gotta go on another fucking drift
• 2:17:40
  Speaker 2: good death drug.
• 2:17:42
  Speaker 4: Right, like they say, like the last that seven seconds
• 2:17:45
  Speaker 4: of your life or whatever that you recall everything like,
• 2:17:47
  Speaker 4: that's d MT. That's a chemical thing that comes off
• 2:17:49
  Speaker 4: in your body.
• 2:17:51
  Speaker 1: So they had talked to us about this, and so
• 2:17:52
  Speaker 1: I'm scared again, right, I'm like, I feel deathly sick
• 2:17:55
  Speaker 1: from the iby gain, still feel terrible, and I'm just
• 2:17:59
  Speaker 1: like what am I doing right? And they're telling us, Okay,
• 2:18:01
  Speaker 1: we're gonna like the pipe, you know, it's a crap
• 2:18:02
  Speaker 1: pipe looking thing, and I'm like, what am I doing right?
• 2:18:05
  Speaker 1: But I just feel so terrible leading into it. I'm like,
• 2:18:09
  Speaker 1: this part of it, right, just trust the process, and
• 2:18:12
  Speaker 1: so go in. We go in one at a time,
• 2:18:15
  Speaker 1: and they do. They light it, and I mean it
• 2:18:17
  Speaker 1: like you say, rocket ship, It sends you, right. It
• 2:18:20
  Speaker 1: took a drag, went back, wasn't all there? Asked for more?
• 2:18:24
  Speaker 1: Got up took the second drag, and it was, like
• 2:18:27
  Speaker 1: you said, they call it the you know, the the
• 2:18:30
  Speaker 1: death draw. I mean you I experienced death like I
• 2:18:32
  Speaker 1: went to I went fully out. I came out of
• 2:18:35
  Speaker 1: my body. I was not in that room where I began.
• 2:18:38
  Speaker 1: I felt. I could tell I was in the room
• 2:18:39
  Speaker 1: for the most part, right, I could feel the floor.
• 2:18:42
  Speaker 1: This was an out of body experience. I went to
• 2:18:43
  Speaker 1: the white light, right, And they had talked about this
• 2:18:46
  Speaker 1: and I never believed it. But I'm like, oh, I'm dying.
• 2:18:48
  Speaker 1: This is it? Like to me? It was what death was.
• 2:18:51
  Speaker 4: What are your emotions while you were going towards this
• 2:18:53
  Speaker 4: white light? Are you actually like, is the feeling of
• 2:18:56
  Speaker 4: death in this moment like high anxiety, fear or is
• 2:18:59
  Speaker 4: it more more of like a freeing feeling?
• 2:19:01
  Speaker 1: It was free? It was. It was the most beautiful
• 2:19:02
  Speaker 1: thing ever. Right, really, I remember floating. I like to
• 2:19:06
  Speaker 1: up to what you know. I was born and raised Catholic.
• 2:19:09
  Speaker 1: I you know, I have a vision of what my
• 2:19:10
  Speaker 1: God is and and what death is. But it was
• 2:19:13
  Speaker 1: that exact thing. Go into the white light. Oh this
• 2:19:15
  Speaker 1: is it. I mean, I was so freeing, and so
• 2:19:18
  Speaker 1: I get to get to the white light and and
• 2:19:22
  Speaker 1: you know, my God is there and I'm talking to God,
• 2:19:25
  Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, I lose it and I'm like,
• 2:19:27
  Speaker 1: I'm a failure, I'm a piece of shit, I'm a
• 2:19:29
  Speaker 1: terrible father, I'm a terrible husband. Send me to hell.
• 2:19:31
  Speaker 1: And I'm screaming at him, right so I'm like, I
• 2:19:34
  Speaker 1: don't deserve to be in heaven. And then he's like,
• 2:19:37
  Speaker 1: you need to talk to her. And then my wife
• 2:19:38
  Speaker 1: appeared from behind him, and I'm screaming at her, telling
• 2:19:41
  Speaker 1: her the same things, and all of a sudden, it
• 2:19:43
  Speaker 1: was just calm, and this weight was lifted off me.
• 2:19:47
  Speaker 1: And I figured out was like my ego because they
• 2:19:49
  Speaker 1: talk about ego loss, like literally, this something left my
• 2:19:52
  Speaker 1: body and I was like, oh, I do like instantly,
• 2:19:55
  Speaker 1: I deserve to be here. I'm a good father, I'm
• 2:19:57
  Speaker 1: a good husband, i had a good career, all these things.
• 2:20:00
  Speaker 1: This negative self tough was gone. And then it was
• 2:20:04
  Speaker 1: this overwhelmingly peaceful feeling. I'm like, oh, I wish I
• 2:20:06
  Speaker 1: would have known this, but now I'm dead, but I
• 2:20:09
  Speaker 1: was super peaceful. Well then I came back into right.
• 2:20:13
  Speaker 1: I feel myself back on the floor and I'm coming
• 2:20:16
  Speaker 1: out of it and I'm like, wow, right in my life.
• 2:20:18
  Speaker 1: I remember asking like am I dead? And they're like, oh,
• 2:20:20
  Speaker 1: You're not dead, buddy. But it was this overwhelming feeling
• 2:20:24
  Speaker 1: of freedom, clarity, and came out of it, and it
• 2:20:30
  Speaker 1: was the most enlightening thing you've ever seen. Like it's
• 2:20:32
  Speaker 1: unless you've experienced it. And this is not just me, right,
• 2:20:34
  Speaker 1: there's talk to people who have gone through it. Is
• 2:20:37
  Speaker 1: the most enlightening thing you've ever seen. And so came
• 2:20:40
  Speaker 1: out of it, go back in the room, and I
• 2:20:42
  Speaker 1: just felt like I was instantly back right that sick
• 2:20:45
  Speaker 1: feeling I had twenty minutes earlier. Now I'm just like
• 2:20:48
  Speaker 1: bright eyed. There's no ringing, I don't feel like, I
• 2:20:51
  Speaker 1: don't feel sick, I don't feel any of those negative effects.
• 2:20:53
  Speaker 1: And I literally felt like like I could go run
• 2:20:55
  Speaker 1: a marathon. I remember walking back in the room, right,
• 2:20:58
  Speaker 1: and all the other guys are looking at me because
• 2:21:00
  Speaker 1: I went last, and I'm like, I'm back, bitches, That's
• 2:21:04
  Speaker 1: exactly what I said. I'm like, I'm back right. So
• 2:21:07
  Speaker 1: it was the hearing things and like after coming out
• 2:21:09
  Speaker 1: of it, they sit you in the grass to like
• 2:21:12
  Speaker 1: come back, and I remember touching the grass right and
• 2:21:15
  Speaker 1: feeling the energy from the earth, and I'm like, what
• 2:21:17
  Speaker 1: is all this? Right? I could hear everything. I could
• 2:21:20
  Speaker 1: hear the birds, I could hear the ocean that was
• 2:21:22
  Speaker 1: two miles away. I felt like I was in the
• 2:21:26
  Speaker 1: movie Big where the grass was like super tall around me,
• 2:21:28
  Speaker 1: like I was a midget, and I could hear all
• 2:21:30
  Speaker 1: the grass rustling and all these sensations and things that
• 2:21:35
  Speaker 1: I could hear and feel. I was like, oh, and
• 2:21:38
  Speaker 1: I didn't know it at the point, but I'm just like,
• 2:21:39
  Speaker 1: holy cow, this is amazing. Go back in the room,
• 2:21:43
  Speaker 1: talk to the guys, and everybody's just like right, and
• 2:21:46
  Speaker 1: you're enlightened. So something worked, right, right, So get through that.
• 2:21:50
  Speaker 1: But I definitely I was like, oh, something's different. We
• 2:21:52
  Speaker 1: went to the beach and we did for a walk
• 2:21:54
  Speaker 1: as a group. I remember watching the waves, one wave
• 2:21:56
  Speaker 1: at a time. I'm like, man, I am something's going on.
• 2:21:59
  Speaker 1: I can see every single wave turning in the water,
• 2:22:02
  Speaker 1: like the droplets coming off it, and I'm like, am
• 2:22:04
  Speaker 1: I still high? Like no, this is like you're in
• 2:22:07
  Speaker 1: the moment, you're you know, so someone You're like, yeah, whatever, hippie, right,
• 2:22:10
  Speaker 1: But I was like, whatever is this is great? I
• 2:22:12
  Speaker 1: remember turning to Marcus and like saying to him, like, hey,
• 2:22:15
  Speaker 1: I'm supposed to be worrying about something. I'm worried and
• 2:22:18
  Speaker 1: I'm supposed to be worrying about something, but I'm not
• 2:22:21
  Speaker 1: worrying right, just babbling. Yeah, because it was clear. Everything
• 2:22:24
  Speaker 1: was clear. There was nothing nothing in my head. It
• 2:22:26
  Speaker 1: was complete clarity. And then so next day we drive
• 2:22:31
  Speaker 1: back to San Diego. My wife came and met me
• 2:22:33
  Speaker 1: down there with some of the other wives and walked
• 2:22:37
  Speaker 1: into the restaurant and we met on Matt that we
• 2:22:39
  Speaker 1: originally left from, and she says, you know, when she
• 2:22:43
  Speaker 1: walked in, she's like, I knew something was different. She's like,
• 2:22:45
  Speaker 1: I could see your eyes. Your eyes were wide open,
• 2:22:47
  Speaker 1: they were bright white, because she had said it that
• 2:22:50
  Speaker 1: in the past. She's like, your eyes were just dead,
• 2:22:52
  Speaker 1: like you just he had no life in your eyes.
• 2:22:53
  Speaker 1: You were always tired. And she's like, I knew instantly
• 2:22:56
  Speaker 1: something was different. And she's like I could to see
• 2:22:59
  Speaker 1: it the way you guys are all giggle in and
• 2:23:00
  Speaker 1: laughing and like these grown badass men like hugging each
• 2:23:04
  Speaker 1: other and crying and just she's like, you guys were
• 2:23:06
  Speaker 1: so happy and so fast forward. We stayed in San Diego,
• 2:23:11
  Speaker 1: San Diego for a couple of days to reintegrate, because
• 2:23:13
  Speaker 1: they talk about that, right, you're gonna have this life
• 2:23:15
  Speaker 1: changing experience and you got to reintegrate, Like, may not
• 2:23:17
  Speaker 1: be the best thing to go back home to kids,
• 2:23:19
  Speaker 1: right initially, So we spent a couple of days in
• 2:23:22
  Speaker 1: San Diego and we just started learning. She noticed it
• 2:23:25
  Speaker 1: more I notice it now or I recall it now,
• 2:23:28
  Speaker 1: but noticing things that happened that were different. So I
• 2:23:32
  Speaker 1: had a therapy session the second day I was back,
• 2:23:34
  Speaker 1: get on my computer won't connect to the internet. Now,
• 2:23:37
  Speaker 1: if that had happened pre treatment, that computer probably wouldn't
• 2:23:40
  Speaker 1: have made it through it. I probably would have been
• 2:23:42
  Speaker 1: broken against a wall, right, because you're a loser. You're
• 2:23:45
  Speaker 1: a piece of shit. If you're late to a meeting,
• 2:23:47
  Speaker 1: you guys, I'm sure have PTSD like that about I
• 2:23:50
  Speaker 1: do being late anything. Yeah, And so I'm I just
• 2:23:55
  Speaker 1: remember trying to get onto it, and I'm like, okay,
• 2:23:57
  Speaker 1: it must be something, right, and my wife's running around
• 2:24:00
  Speaker 1: like a maniac, and I'm like I remember thinking like
• 2:24:03
  Speaker 1: what is going on? She came and grabbed the computer,
• 2:24:05
  Speaker 1: took off out the door. I just remember sitting there.
• 2:24:08
  Speaker 1: I'm thinking, like, man, what's going on with her? She
• 2:24:11
  Speaker 1: comes back. I ended up getting on my phone. I
• 2:24:13
  Speaker 1: was three minutes late and there was no big deal.
• 2:24:15
  Speaker 1: I'd do my therapy session with the lady and I
• 2:24:17
  Speaker 1: got off and I said, hey, what's going on. She's like,
• 2:24:21
  Speaker 1: what do you mean? And I'm like, you run around
• 2:24:23
  Speaker 1: like a crazy person, right, And she's like And I
• 2:24:26
  Speaker 1: remember her just looking at me like what are you
• 2:24:28
  Speaker 1: talking about? Like, and she later said like if that
• 2:24:30
  Speaker 1: would have happened in the past, like, do you know
• 2:24:33
  Speaker 1: what would have happened? Do you know what your action
• 2:24:34
  Speaker 1: would have been? Do you know how you what you
• 2:24:36
  Speaker 1: would have done to that computer? Or what you would
• 2:24:38
  Speaker 1: have said to me? And so things like that started happening.
• 2:24:41
  Speaker 1: We fly back home, come in the house. You know,
• 2:24:43
  Speaker 1: my wife had warned the kids, hey, dad might be different. Well,
• 2:24:47
  Speaker 1: six hours later, I'm on the floor whipping them around
• 2:24:49
  Speaker 1: in their sweatshirts, you know, slinging them around like mops,
• 2:24:52
  Speaker 1: creating chaos like you wouldn't, you know, screaming and yelling.
• 2:24:55
  Speaker 1: And I'm down there tickling them and I remember looking
• 2:24:57
  Speaker 1: at her and she's I remember the look on her
• 2:24:59
  Speaker 1: face shoes, just like, mouth wide open, like what in
• 2:25:02
  Speaker 1: the hell is going on? Didn't recalled in the moment.
• 2:25:05
  Speaker 1: I remember her reaction, but I didn't really put anything
• 2:25:08
  Speaker 1: whatever right playing with the kids. And so time goes on, days, weeks, months,
• 2:25:13
  Speaker 1: and my reactions are different. And for me personally, there's
• 2:25:16
  Speaker 1: no there's no brain fog, I'm super clear, no bringing
• 2:25:20
  Speaker 1: in my ears. There's zero suicide stuff, there's zero depression,
• 2:25:24
  Speaker 1: there's zero anxiety. I'm like going to pick the kids
• 2:25:26
  Speaker 1: up at school with my wife and talking to the
• 2:25:28
  Speaker 1: other moms and the dads, and she was like, you
• 2:25:31
  Speaker 1: haven't You've never done this? Yeah right. I was the
• 2:25:33
  Speaker 1: guy that sat in the car and waited for the
• 2:25:34
  Speaker 1: kid to come get in. I didn't want to interact
• 2:25:36
  Speaker 1: with anybody. And so I'm just a different human being.
• 2:25:40
  Speaker 1: And so as time goes on, we learn more and
• 2:25:42
  Speaker 1: more things.
• 2:25:43
  Speaker 2: Now, are you getting back into the routines of like
• 2:25:46
  Speaker 2: the cold tub and hyperbaric.
• 2:25:48
  Speaker 1: And yeah, so I had a lot of that stuff,
• 2:25:50
  Speaker 1: but I added a lot of stuff because they teach
• 2:25:51
  Speaker 1: you that through this too. It's like, hey, you know meditation,
• 2:25:54
  Speaker 1: you should learn to meditate, right, That's a big part
• 2:25:56
  Speaker 1: of being in the moment and helping this treatment stick.
• 2:26:00
  Speaker 1: So I'm trying to learn how to meditate. Right I'm
• 2:26:02
  Speaker 1: doing and I got right back into my routune up early.
• 2:26:05
  Speaker 1: But I loved it. It wasn't for survival. It was you know,
• 2:26:08
  Speaker 1: it's because I wanted to do it made me feel good.
• 2:26:09
  Speaker 1: Cold tub was great. I you know, would go for
• 2:26:11
  Speaker 1: a walk and be like stoked to be alive. Right
• 2:26:13
  Speaker 1: before I went, I was training for a five k
• 2:26:15
  Speaker 1: because my buddy and I said we're going to do it,
• 2:26:18
  Speaker 1: and he's the one that ended up taking his life.
• 2:26:20
  Speaker 1: But I'm like, oh, I'm going to follow through on this.
• 2:26:23
  Speaker 1: So I'm out running and remember acrossing the street and
• 2:26:25
  Speaker 1: looking at the trees, like, man, the treats are so
• 2:26:27
  Speaker 1: beautiful and green and everything was vibrant, and oh that
• 2:26:30
  Speaker 1: Semi stopped for me. Right I'm across the street where
• 2:26:32
  Speaker 1: in the past, I'm like, you know, that same instance
• 2:26:35
  Speaker 1: happened before I went, and I would stop there and
• 2:26:37
  Speaker 1: be like, Okay, it'll look like an accident. Just step
• 2:26:39
  Speaker 1: out in the road because Semi's not going to stop.
• 2:26:42
  Speaker 2: That's crazy.
• 2:26:42
  Speaker 1: So it's a complete same instances are happening, and it's
• 2:26:45
  Speaker 1: a different reaction. I'm like, oh that's weird. This is great.
• 2:26:48
  Speaker 1: So just all those things start happening. The clarity, Like
• 2:26:52
  Speaker 1: if pre treatment I was forgetting my kids names, I'd
• 2:26:54
  Speaker 1: be like, what's she doing? She said, what are you
• 2:26:57
  Speaker 1: talking about?
• 2:26:58
  Speaker 2: Like her?
• 2:26:59
  Speaker 1: What's her name? It's like Hayden, you know. So those
• 2:27:02
  Speaker 1: things are happening. And now I'm like I'm crisp, Like
• 2:27:05
  Speaker 1: I'm up every morning and I go for a bike
• 2:27:07
  Speaker 1: ride and i go wake surfing and then I'm like
• 2:27:09
  Speaker 1: I'm going to do this and like I'm just high
• 2:27:10
  Speaker 1: on life. So this happens, you know, for three four months, right,
• 2:27:17
  Speaker 1: and I remember the first day I got my first anxiety.
• 2:27:19
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, what is that? You know I was anxious, right,
• 2:27:22
  Speaker 1: it wasn't a big deal with something small. It's like, oh,
• 2:27:23
  Speaker 1: I'm nervous to go to this thing. Right, So over
• 2:27:27
  Speaker 1: time things started popping back in, right, But I had
• 2:27:30
  Speaker 1: this new thought process of things, and so fast forward, right,
• 2:27:34
  Speaker 1: because this is not this medicine is not a magic pill.
• 2:27:36
  Speaker 1: It's not you know, it took multiple times for me,
• 2:27:39
  Speaker 1: so now we're in it. You know, things started coming back.
• 2:27:42
  Speaker 1: Then I started having some ideation again. I got COVID
• 2:27:45
  Speaker 1: and took the whatever the pill is for COVID that
• 2:27:47
  Speaker 1: has you know they say on there it can have
• 2:27:49
  Speaker 1: a metallic taste. So I remember having my first suicide nightmare.
• 2:27:52
  Speaker 1: I had COVID, took this medicine. I remember waking up
• 2:27:55
  Speaker 1: gripping my neck because I had thought I had a
• 2:27:57
  Speaker 1: gun in my mouth because of the metallic taste from
• 2:27:59
  Speaker 1: the medicine. So it was my first suicide nightmare again.
• 2:28:02
  Speaker 1: So I went originally twenty twenty one. Now we're pushing
• 2:28:06
  Speaker 1: close to twenty twenty three. Things have popped back in.
• 2:28:09
  Speaker 1: I'm not near as bad as I was, but still
• 2:28:11
  Speaker 1: having some of the old.
• 2:28:12
  Speaker 4: Sea starting to see something, this old programming come back there.
• 2:28:14
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 2:28:15
  Speaker 2: How long? How long did you have the residual from
• 2:28:17
  Speaker 2: the trip? Like nothing clarity.
• 2:28:22
  Speaker 1: Fell like four months of absolutely nothing, I'm talking no anxiety,
• 2:28:25
  Speaker 1: the most high in life. And then then at about
• 2:28:28
  Speaker 1: a year little things started popping back in, right, some
• 2:28:31
  Speaker 1: of the anger stuff started coming back, some of the
• 2:28:33
  Speaker 1: uncontrollable outburst or you know, like I said, jump my
• 2:28:36
  Speaker 1: Harley and go ninety mile an hour into town. Christmas My,
• 2:28:41
  Speaker 1: you know, I don't talk about this a lot but
• 2:28:44
  Speaker 1: Christmas before twenty twenty three, my parents were out and
• 2:28:48
  Speaker 1: I remember taking my son for a haircut and I
• 2:28:50
  Speaker 1: was in the truck and I'm like, Mom and Dad,
• 2:28:51
  Speaker 1: I'm struggling again. And I said, I if I if
• 2:28:55
  Speaker 1: I mess up, because at this point it wasn't like, oh,
• 2:28:57
  Speaker 1: this is how I'm gonna make it go away. But
• 2:28:58
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm gonna screw up. I screw up on
• 2:29:00
  Speaker 1: my hardley. I'm going to screw up and I'm kill myself.
• 2:29:03
  Speaker 1: I'm going to screw up. And I'm very much with it,
• 2:29:05
  Speaker 1: and I've learned a lot of things. And I told
• 2:29:07
  Speaker 1: my parents, Hey, you guys were great parents. If I
• 2:29:10
  Speaker 1: mess up and kill myself, it's not your fault. Right.
• 2:29:13
  Speaker 1: So I was back in that bad spot again. Yeah,
• 2:29:15
  Speaker 1: And so was it as bad. It wasn't as bad.
• 2:29:18
  Speaker 1: It wasn't near as bad. But when you've been to
• 2:29:20
  Speaker 1: super clarity and then things come back, it's like the
• 2:29:22
  Speaker 1: first day, it feels way heavier. And it wasn't before.
• 2:29:25
  Speaker 1: It was all the time, So I could deal with
• 2:29:27
  Speaker 1: it all the time. I was in that mindset all
• 2:29:29
  Speaker 1: the time. Now it was a little bit here, a
• 2:29:31
  Speaker 1: little bit there, but it seems more intense. So I
• 2:29:34
  Speaker 1: go back for treatment again twenty twenty three, So that's
• 2:29:38
  Speaker 1: two years from my first one very similar experience on
• 2:29:41
  Speaker 1: iby game. I thinks super sick. I felt like it,
• 2:29:45
  Speaker 1: you know, defrag did things. I worked through some stuff,
• 2:29:47
  Speaker 1: a lot of the same visions, new visions. Then the
• 2:29:50
  Speaker 1: real turning point for me was the next day the
• 2:29:54
  Speaker 1: five MEO DMT again. So I smoke the fivemeo and
• 2:30:00
  Speaker 1: I die. I saw that I'd killed myself. It wasn't
• 2:30:03
  Speaker 1: this peaceful death that I saw the first time. I
• 2:30:05
  Speaker 1: messed up and I killed myself right whether it wasn't
• 2:30:08
  Speaker 1: necessarily suicide. It was a vision of me on my
• 2:30:11
  Speaker 1: Harley right weaving through cars, and I'm watching that, and
• 2:30:15
  Speaker 1: I killed myself, And then I saw what it did
• 2:30:16
  Speaker 1: to my family. I'm watching down from the sky now
• 2:30:19
  Speaker 1: I'm up at that I'd gone to that killed myself,
• 2:30:20
  Speaker 1: went to the white light. I'm watching down. I see
• 2:30:22
  Speaker 1: what it did to my family. So I'm watching my
• 2:30:24
  Speaker 1: kid's age and I'm seeing how it messed them up.
• 2:30:27
  Speaker 1: I'm seeing what it did to my wife, because before
• 2:30:29
  Speaker 1: I left for this second treatment, I had told my
• 2:30:32
  Speaker 1: wife again I'm a burden like, and I got back
• 2:30:34
  Speaker 1: to that mindset that you're better off without me, unfortunately,
• 2:30:38
  Speaker 1: and so it showed me in this I saw what
• 2:30:40
  Speaker 1: it did to them, and I was like, oh god,
• 2:30:43
  Speaker 1: this is not right. I remember thinking like, oh, I'm
• 2:30:45
  Speaker 1: going to mess them up, right, and that's sounds like
• 2:30:49
  Speaker 1: a crazy person, but I didn't think that before. I
• 2:30:52
  Speaker 1: thought I gotten back to this old Robert right even
• 2:30:55
  Speaker 1: you know, maybe not all the time, So this is
• 2:30:57
  Speaker 1: going to mess them up. And then I saw what
• 2:31:00
  Speaker 1: it actually did to them. Woke up out of this.
• 2:31:03
  Speaker 1: I actually started throwing up, so I reacted to the
• 2:31:06
  Speaker 1: you know, and I think I woke up kind of
• 2:31:08
  Speaker 1: towards the end of this trip, and so I thought
• 2:31:11
  Speaker 1: I died. So they're cleaning my mouth right, some puke
• 2:31:13
  Speaker 1: and they're cleaning my mouth out, and I start raging
• 2:31:16
  Speaker 1: because I thought, I literally think I'm dead. I'm like,
• 2:31:19
  Speaker 1: this is hell, like I whatever it was, I was
• 2:31:21
  Speaker 1: in a spot I thought I was dead, and I
• 2:31:24
  Speaker 1: grabbed the therapist and I'm raging streaming and I'm like,
• 2:31:26
  Speaker 1: I eft up my family, I'm a you know, streaming
• 2:31:29
  Speaker 1: and just I'm throwing them on the ground and just
• 2:31:32
  Speaker 1: complete rage. And I remember my female therapist was there
• 2:31:35
  Speaker 1: that we work with, and I grabbed here and I'm like,
• 2:31:37
  Speaker 1: you got to call my wife tell him. I'm tell
• 2:31:39
  Speaker 1: her I'm sorry. So I think I'm dead. I'm back
• 2:31:41
  Speaker 1: on Earth, out of this trip, but I'm still half
• 2:31:43
  Speaker 1: in it, I think. But I literally thought I was dead,
• 2:31:47
  Speaker 1: and so this happens. I later found out. I raged
• 2:31:51
  Speaker 1: for like twenty minutes, and they're calming me down, and
• 2:31:53
  Speaker 1: some things happened, and finally I calmed down and realized
• 2:31:57
  Speaker 1: I was back on Earth and I wasn't actually dead,
• 2:31:59
  Speaker 1: but I can asking them like did I die? Did
• 2:32:01
  Speaker 1: you guys resuscitate me? It was that profound uh. And
• 2:32:05
  Speaker 1: so I come out of it and I was just
• 2:32:07
  Speaker 1: in shock. So we're before it was blissful, and this
• 2:32:09
  Speaker 1: time I was like, I mean I was in shock
• 2:32:11
  Speaker 1: for hours, even till we got back. I got back
• 2:32:14
  Speaker 1: home and I'm telling my wife about it, and I'm like,
• 2:32:17
  Speaker 1: I think they're lying to me. I think they had
• 2:32:18
  Speaker 1: to resuscitate me, like I pushed it too far. And
• 2:32:21
  Speaker 1: so as I process all this, but what I what
• 2:32:25
  Speaker 1: did stick and the rewiring the medicine, what it did
• 2:32:27
  Speaker 1: do is that it made me, see what would happen
• 2:32:30
  Speaker 1: if I did screw up and did take my life
• 2:32:33
  Speaker 1: in one way or another, And that is stuck with
• 2:32:35
  Speaker 1: me since that day, Like if something pops up, now,
• 2:32:38
  Speaker 1: I know full well on my worst day, I'm better
• 2:32:40
  Speaker 1: off here and my family's better off without me, or
• 2:32:43
  Speaker 1: is better with me. Even the days. You know, if
• 2:32:46
  Speaker 1: I have a bad day or I get angry and
• 2:32:48
  Speaker 1: that stuff doesn't happen since then you know it happens
• 2:32:51
  Speaker 1: like we happens when you're a dad, and you know
• 2:32:53
  Speaker 1: the normal angry exactly.
• 2:32:55
  Speaker 4: If anybody's watching this and plaything and I'm assuming this,
• 2:32:58
  Speaker 4: you can tell me if I'm wrong. But like you're
• 2:33:00
  Speaker 4: not going to take this medicine. All your issues are
• 2:33:02
  Speaker 4: always going to be fixed, but you're going to have
• 2:33:04
  Speaker 4: better tools and better understanding of where your value is
• 2:33:06
  Speaker 4: in life exactly.
• 2:33:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and these like this instance for me is like, oh,
• 2:33:09
  Speaker 1: I'm I'm you know I and I didn't believe it before,
• 2:33:12
  Speaker 1: and I truly believe it even you know, no matter
• 2:33:13
  Speaker 1: what happens, right, even worst case I never want to happen,
• 2:33:16
  Speaker 1: I get dementia, I'm better off here. My family needs me, right,
• 2:33:19
  Speaker 1: And so that's what this experience showed me. And so
• 2:33:22
  Speaker 1: since then it's been you know, I have the tools
• 2:33:24
  Speaker 1: now and it rewired some things. They're showing that, you know,
• 2:33:27
  Speaker 1: I begained specifically actually scientifically rewires your brain. Right, it's
• 2:33:32
  Speaker 1: growing new white brain matter. So doctor Nolan Williams, you know,
• 2:33:36
  Speaker 1: God rest his soul, he has passed since this study,
• 2:33:41
  Speaker 1: but he did a study with thirty vets special ops
• 2:33:44
  Speaker 1: vets and improving it. Right, That's a big part of
• 2:33:47
  Speaker 1: this movement with this medicine. It's actually proving not only
• 2:33:49
  Speaker 1: the spiritual part, but it is you know, creating new
• 2:33:52
  Speaker 1: neural pathways. It is actually fixing brain damage or working
• 2:33:55
  Speaker 1: around it. Right, some of my damage is still there,
• 2:33:57
  Speaker 1: but I'm creating new neural pathways around it. And so
• 2:34:01
  Speaker 1: knowing all this on top of the spiritual stuff, since then,
• 2:34:04
  Speaker 1: I have the tools, and I know I knew after
• 2:34:06
  Speaker 1: these treatments that my something was working on my brain.
• 2:34:08
  Speaker 1: I mean for days afterwards, I would in months or weeks,
• 2:34:12
  Speaker 1: I could just feel like a buzzing in my head. Right,
• 2:34:14
  Speaker 1: I'm like something, something's working up there right, right, and
• 2:34:16
  Speaker 1: then I notice all the again, all the emotional changes.
• 2:34:19
  Speaker 1: And so since twenty twenty three, Right, none of that stuff
• 2:34:22
  Speaker 1: has really come back, right, Like, yes, do I get anxious?
• 2:34:25
  Speaker 1: Yes do I It is not the magic pill, but
• 2:34:27
  Speaker 1: I have the tools, right, I know now to right
• 2:34:30
  Speaker 1: if something pops in, it's like nope, I see that
• 2:34:32
  Speaker 1: vision of what it did to my family, right, And
• 2:34:35
  Speaker 1: I don't have these over the top reactions like I
• 2:34:37
  Speaker 1: did before the brain fog and that stuff has gone.
• 2:34:39
  Speaker 1: Do I still have days I get a little brain fog? Yes? Right,
• 2:34:42
  Speaker 1: you know late, you know, sure, like you guys, you're
• 2:34:44
  Speaker 1: like late in the day, it's like, oh wow, that's
• 2:34:47
  Speaker 1: something's not working right, you know. But for the most
• 2:34:49
  Speaker 1: part before it was twenty four to seven. Now I'm
• 2:34:52
  Speaker 1: super clear, right to get talking fast because I'm like,
• 2:34:54
  Speaker 1: I'm just crisped and everything's working good. And so I
• 2:34:58
  Speaker 1: know not only the scientific part of it, but the
• 2:35:01
  Speaker 1: spiritual part of it. I know I'm a different human being.
• 2:35:03
  Speaker 1: And my wife will still bring stuff up, you know,
• 2:35:06
  Speaker 1: some huff and I'll get frustrated be like, oh, I
• 2:35:08
  Speaker 1: overreacted on that, and I'm very aware, right, Oh, I
• 2:35:10
  Speaker 1: shouldn't reacted like She's like your son just walked out
• 2:35:13
  Speaker 1: in the street and almost got hit by a car
• 2:35:15
  Speaker 1: when we were, you know, instance, going to our get
• 2:35:19
  Speaker 1: on our boat, and I grabbed him and I lit
• 2:35:22
  Speaker 1: into him like you gotta right, And then I felt bad.
• 2:35:25
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, the old Robert's back and she's like,
• 2:35:27
  Speaker 1: that's what a dad should do. That is a normal reaction. Yeah,
• 2:35:31
  Speaker 1: And so she's like, no, you're She brings it up
• 2:35:33
  Speaker 1: to me all the time. She's like, you know, I
• 2:35:36
  Speaker 1: can she can trust me to take the kids to
• 2:35:38
  Speaker 1: soccer practice, basketball practice and not worry about me one
• 2:35:42
  Speaker 1: forgetting where I'm at or two having a reaction around people.
• 2:35:46
  Speaker 1: So it's daily stuff happens. And you know the fact
• 2:35:49
  Speaker 1: that I flew here by myself, She's like, just a
• 2:35:53
  Speaker 1: little step like that. Five years ago, you couldn't do that.
• 2:35:55
  Speaker 1: I would have had to be with you because you
• 2:35:56
  Speaker 1: would either lost at the airport, you know, I wouldn't
• 2:36:00
  Speaker 1: have forgot where you were, whatever these things were. So
• 2:36:04
  Speaker 1: it's that my life is different now because of the
• 2:36:08
  Speaker 1: tools I have, and I know that some of the
• 2:36:11
  Speaker 1: work it's done right. I went through the some of
• 2:36:13
  Speaker 1: the you know, you guys will find it funny, but
• 2:36:15
  Speaker 1: I went through some of the brain concussion stuff pre
• 2:36:18
  Speaker 1: pre medicine and post medicine. Right, so I pre medicine,
• 2:36:23
  Speaker 1: I'm doing, you know, jump through the hoops right all right,
• 2:36:26
  Speaker 1: you know the ten years of stuff they make you
• 2:36:29
  Speaker 1: jump through to try and get something out of it.
• 2:36:32
  Speaker 1: And I finally was like, I don't care. I don't
• 2:36:34
  Speaker 1: care about this, you know. So I had had a
• 2:36:36
  Speaker 1: couple of doctor's appointments pre medicine and a couple post medicine.
• 2:36:39
  Speaker 1: So I come back post medicine and it is I'm like,
• 2:36:42
  Speaker 1: you know, pre medicine, I'm talking about you know, suicide
• 2:36:45
  Speaker 1: and talking about these things, and post medicine, my my
• 2:36:48
  Speaker 1: scores are better, My everything's better. And they're like, oh,
• 2:36:51
  Speaker 1: you don't qualifying. Of course I don't, right, But at
• 2:36:54
  Speaker 1: that point didn't care because I I mean, that showed
• 2:36:56
  Speaker 1: me because some of my scores and some of the
• 2:36:58
  Speaker 1: things that happened pre and post. I'm like, I'm definitely
• 2:37:01
  Speaker 1: a different person. My scores are better, Like I cleared
• 2:37:04
  Speaker 1: my recall and it's kind of funny, but I'm also like,
• 2:37:07
  Speaker 1: of course, of course I went and did something else then. Yeah,
• 2:37:10
  Speaker 1: And you know a lot of guys do it, you know,
• 2:37:13
  Speaker 1: want the money or want the because they deserve it.
• 2:37:15
  Speaker 1: But I was just like, I just I want to
• 2:37:17
  Speaker 1: be healthy. So I kind of laughed it off, and
• 2:37:18
  Speaker 1: it's like, oh, this is showing me now on top
• 2:37:21
  Speaker 1: of everything else that that I am, things are fixed
• 2:37:24
  Speaker 1: or drastically better.
• 2:37:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Have you gotten a brain scan since the first
• 2:37:29
  Speaker 2: one you got where it was like you look like
• 2:37:31
  Speaker 2: somebody took a baseball bat to it?
• 2:37:32
  Speaker 1: I did the part where So my initial brain scan
• 2:37:36
  Speaker 1: was a spec scan. It's called a spec scan, right,
• 2:37:37
  Speaker 1: which measures It gives you a three D image. It
• 2:37:40
  Speaker 1: measures the surface of your brain pretty much things that
• 2:37:44
  Speaker 1: are living or not living. So it measures electrical current
• 2:37:48
  Speaker 1: in your brain, it measures blood flow. What they are
• 2:37:51
  Speaker 1: finding out. So I got the same scan afterwards, thinking oh,
• 2:37:54
  Speaker 1: I'll see it drastically better. But what I learned is
• 2:37:57
  Speaker 1: that's not the correct scan to do that. Now does
• 2:37:59
  Speaker 1: that measure damage? Absolutely, But they're learning, and this is
• 2:38:02
  Speaker 1: where this medicine is new. These neurologists are learning that
• 2:38:07
  Speaker 1: that scan for whatever reason, there's been a few people
• 2:38:10
  Speaker 1: like me, it doesn't show a drastically better brain. Now
• 2:38:13
  Speaker 1: why is that? Well, depression all these things is inflammation.
• 2:38:18
  Speaker 1: So I had huge inflammation on my brain. So that's
• 2:38:20
  Speaker 1: why certain parts were lit up, and then it shows
• 2:38:22
  Speaker 1: the dead parts. I begain takes inflammation away, so now
• 2:38:26
  Speaker 1: some of this actually some of it looks worse or
• 2:38:28
  Speaker 1: the same because I have less inflammation. It's not actually
• 2:38:32
  Speaker 1: creating the surface of a new those areas that were damaged.
• 2:38:36
  Speaker 1: It's the internal stuff. So a long winded way of
• 2:38:39
  Speaker 1: answering that is. And fMRI actually looks deep into the brain.
• 2:38:42
  Speaker 1: That's what doctor Nolan Williams used at Stanford, and they
• 2:38:46
  Speaker 1: can see the new white brain matter. They can see
• 2:38:48
  Speaker 1: the new neural pathways. So I'm messed up, which I
• 2:38:51
  Speaker 1: can accept now, right, So right, you're.
• 2:38:54
  Speaker 2: Thinking, damn, I WISHONA had this scan or MRI before,
• 2:38:57
  Speaker 2: so you can actually see for sure whether it's rewire.
• 2:39:00
  Speaker 1: Or exactly the actual where they can sign and they
• 2:39:03
  Speaker 1: did it in the study from Stanford. You can look
• 2:39:04
  Speaker 1: at the study and it shows the brain new areas internally,
• 2:39:07
  Speaker 1: where mine was more the surface of how is everything
• 2:39:12
  Speaker 1: currently working. It's not the in depths of new things starting.
• 2:39:15
  Speaker 1: So long story short, it was kind of a bummer,
• 2:39:18
  Speaker 1: but it was also that's why I didn't want to
• 2:39:19
  Speaker 1: get another one, because I'm like, I know, I feel better,
• 2:39:22
  Speaker 1: and at the end of the day it was the
• 2:39:23
  Speaker 1: wrong scan to do. It was right to figure out
• 2:39:25
  Speaker 1: the damage, but the neurologe say, hey, we don't understand
• 2:39:27
  Speaker 1: it either, right, for whatever reason, the psychedelics part of it,
• 2:39:31
  Speaker 1: because of the infamation. This is not the right scan.
• 2:39:33
  Speaker 1: This is more of a surface level where the fMRI
• 2:39:37
  Speaker 1: goes deep into it, which I am going to get
• 2:39:39
  Speaker 1: at some point, but it would have been nice to
• 2:39:40
  Speaker 1: have a baseline. But you look at these the study
• 2:39:43
  Speaker 1: they did and they have pre imposed fMRI and it's
• 2:39:47
  Speaker 1: black and white on there that there is new stuff
• 2:39:49
  Speaker 1: growing and that that's that's the standard for what you.
• 2:39:52
  Speaker 2: Need from the psychedelics. There isn't there somebody that put like,
• 2:39:57
  Speaker 2: what was it, like fifty million dollars toward a Yeah.
• 2:40:00
  Speaker 1: Through this process, I became, you know, the military community
• 2:40:05
  Speaker 1: became my old football family, right. So you know, Marcus
• 2:40:07
  Speaker 1: is a very close friend. We talked almost daily. He's
• 2:40:11
  Speaker 1: just a guy that we check in. It's you know,
• 2:40:13
  Speaker 1: telling stories. O, Hey, this happened and I used to
• 2:40:16
  Speaker 1: react like this. Guess what I did? I laughed, right,
• 2:40:18
  Speaker 1: like just stuff to We talk about how we used
• 2:40:20
  Speaker 1: to be now we're different. Our wives talk. But through
• 2:40:24
  Speaker 1: the community I met and Marcus dam Or Capone with
• 2:40:27
  Speaker 1: VET Solutions. They started really they treated, they've treated a
• 2:40:31
  Speaker 1: couple thousand guys now right, and it's and I'm not
• 2:40:33
  Speaker 1: talking at works for a couple. I mean, you could
• 2:40:35
  Speaker 1: bring of the two thousand they've tested. You bring almost
• 2:40:39
  Speaker 1: all two thousand in here, and you're gonna hear the
• 2:40:41
  Speaker 1: same story, really right, one level or another, sometimes one treatment,
• 2:40:44
  Speaker 1: sometimes two took two for me, but you're gonna hear
• 2:40:47
  Speaker 1: the same story. It is. The results are astounding. And
• 2:40:50
  Speaker 1: so I got introduced to some people you know, with
• 2:40:53
  Speaker 1: this study through Stanford and then they started going A
• 2:40:57
  Speaker 1: group put together to go to Texas, were trying to
• 2:41:00
  Speaker 1: get money from Texas to study it. So former Governor
• 2:41:03
  Speaker 1: of Texas, Rick Perry, he asked me to be involved.
• 2:41:05
  Speaker 1: He's heading all this or was. So we were in
• 2:41:08
  Speaker 1: Texas working with politicians, legislators and they signed a bill
• 2:41:13
  Speaker 1: and again I'm a small lego in this thing, but
• 2:41:16
  Speaker 1: gave my story. They signed a bill that put fifty
• 2:41:19
  Speaker 1: million dollars towards the study of ibegame for PTSD TBI addiction.
• 2:41:24
  Speaker 1: It's choose on addiction. I haven't drank since my first
• 2:41:27
  Speaker 1: treatment in twenty twenty one. Haven't had a drop of alcohol.
• 2:41:29
  Speaker 1: I have zero interest in having any alcohol. It is,
• 2:41:33
  Speaker 1: so it's huge for addiction. So they originally started using
• 2:41:36
  Speaker 1: IBA gain with heroin addicts. They still do, like eighty
• 2:41:40
  Speaker 1: some percent of heroin addicts will go through this treatment
• 2:41:43
  Speaker 1: and not touch heroin again. So it's huge, huge for addiction.
• 2:41:47
  Speaker 1: You know, Marcus, these guys were on numerous right, they
• 2:41:50
  Speaker 1: call it the military sixty pack right of antidepressants, all
• 2:41:53
  Speaker 1: these things. The majority of them are not on any
• 2:41:56
  Speaker 1: of their pills. A ton of these guys don't drink.
• 2:42:00
  Speaker 1: Marcus has never drank again. Right, There's tons of stories
• 2:42:02
  Speaker 1: like mine. So Texas put the money sign that bill
• 2:42:06
  Speaker 1: here a few months ago, so they're going to start
• 2:42:07
  Speaker 1: studying it. They're going to do trials on veterans, on
• 2:42:10
  Speaker 1: athletes to try and get this pass because it is
• 2:42:14
  Speaker 1: currently a Schedule one drug, right, it's so there's that
• 2:42:17
  Speaker 1: loophole to jump through to get it off Schedule one.
• 2:42:20
  Speaker 1: So they're got that money, and then we started the
• 2:42:23
  Speaker 1: which I'm a part of, also is the American I
• 2:42:25
  Speaker 1: Begain Initiative. So other states now are trying to pull
• 2:42:28
  Speaker 1: fronts from their state to study it so there's scientific
• 2:42:31
  Speaker 1: proof and they want to continue it to show Hey,
• 2:42:35
  Speaker 1: this is just not a spiritual drug. This is not
• 2:42:38
  Speaker 1: what everyone thinks it is. This is a medicine that
• 2:42:41
  Speaker 1: will drastically help people's mental health and help fix parts
• 2:42:46
  Speaker 1: of their TBI, like it did me and has done
• 2:42:49
  Speaker 1: other guys. So there's lots of things going on within
• 2:42:52
  Speaker 1: this realm of this medicine that there's not a there's
• 2:42:55
  Speaker 1: not a stigma of the you know, psilocybin or ayahuasca.
• 2:42:59
  Speaker 1: There's because it's so unknown. But that's why we're having,
• 2:43:04
  Speaker 1: you know, having success and things like that. And that's
• 2:43:07
  Speaker 1: what brought me to create my foundation, which is Athletes
• 2:43:12
  Speaker 1: for Care. And so I saw all these veterans and
• 2:43:15
  Speaker 1: I saw what I was doing for them. I saw
• 2:43:16
  Speaker 1: what it did for me, and going through this couple
• 2:43:18
  Speaker 1: of year process, you know, I was like, I want
• 2:43:20
  Speaker 1: to help guys. Because I finally opened up after healing,
• 2:43:23
  Speaker 1: called a couple of my friends that I disappeared for
• 2:43:26
  Speaker 1: like ten years, right, guys I played with and like, hey, sorry,
• 2:43:30
  Speaker 1: you know, I just was going through some stuff. Here's
• 2:43:33
  Speaker 1: what happened. And like Oh. So then I had guys
• 2:43:35
  Speaker 1: reaching out, hey I'm going through this, or I the
• 2:43:40
  Speaker 1: anger part resonated with me, like what's that like? Or
• 2:43:43
  Speaker 1: the suicide stuff, And so I'm like, man, I could
• 2:43:46
  Speaker 1: help people, right, right, because I'm not the you know,
• 2:43:48
  Speaker 1: I thought I was the only guy, right, I'm the
• 2:43:50
  Speaker 1: only NFL football player that got done. Yep. Well I'm
• 2:43:53
  Speaker 1: the only guy out there going through this, right, and
• 2:43:55
  Speaker 1: I don't want no one else wants to hear about it, right,
• 2:43:57
  Speaker 1: And so I started having these stories and I'm like
• 2:44:01
  Speaker 1: I want to help, right because I'm like that in
• 2:44:03
  Speaker 1: my wife's like, you know, saved our saved your life,
• 2:44:05
  Speaker 1: saved our marriage, it saved you know, saved you like
• 2:44:08
  Speaker 1: you're back as a human being. And so started Athletes
• 2:44:11
  Speaker 1: for Care. And what we want to do is, you know,
• 2:44:13
  Speaker 1: be a voice for athletes. I want you know, we're
• 2:44:16
  Speaker 1: doing this storytelling because that I went on Marcus's podcast. Right,
• 2:44:20
  Speaker 1: the outreach we got from that, we get guys, ex
• 2:44:22
  Speaker 1: athletes and all sports calling like, hey, this is me, right,
• 2:44:26
  Speaker 1: the same thing you talking. I think it's me, you know,
• 2:44:29
  Speaker 1: whether it's all the stuff, some of the stuff, So
• 2:44:32
  Speaker 1: educating athletes that hey there are other options. And I'm
• 2:44:35
  Speaker 1: not saying I begin as the magic pill, everyone should
• 2:44:38
  Speaker 1: go do it, but when other things don't work, it's
• 2:44:40
  Speaker 1: an option. It's another modality of something that can help.
• 2:44:43
  Speaker 1: It helped me. I can show you two thousand other
• 2:44:45
  Speaker 1: guys that it helped drastically, and so we want to
• 2:44:49
  Speaker 1: be a resource, and I want to be a resource
• 2:44:52
  Speaker 1: for these guys. And I've had more and more people
• 2:44:54
  Speaker 1: reach out and I'm sure, like you guys, I know
• 2:44:57
  Speaker 1: these guys. Right. There's guys we played with that you
• 2:45:00
  Speaker 1: see around town or you see at an event and
• 2:45:03
  Speaker 1: you're like, dude's got a screw loose. Yeah, right, And
• 2:45:06
  Speaker 1: it's not I don't mean to make it funny, but
• 2:45:08
  Speaker 1: there's they're either coping with alcohol or drugs. And I've
• 2:45:12
  Speaker 1: been around these guys and I'm like, oh man, they
• 2:45:14
  Speaker 1: need this medicine. Because these guys you play.
• 2:45:16
  Speaker 4: With and you look at them and you'll have like
• 2:45:18
  Speaker 4: a concerning conversation with like a teammate, being like that's
• 2:45:20
  Speaker 4: a guy you have to worry about after football, Like
• 2:45:22
  Speaker 4: a lot of guys you have to worry about. But
• 2:45:24
  Speaker 4: some guys just even when they're playing, You're like, I
• 2:45:27
  Speaker 4: can see where something could happen there for sure.
• 2:45:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you know, and it's not always right. I
• 2:45:31
  Speaker 1: was pre pre this healing, you see. And it's unfortunate
• 2:45:35
  Speaker 1: like these guys that make the news because they do
• 2:45:37
  Speaker 1: something drastic, right, whether it's suicide or hurting right, you know,
• 2:45:43
  Speaker 1: hurting their neighbor or there's been instances of that to
• 2:45:46
  Speaker 1: where you're like, this dude's lost his rocker right right
• 2:45:49
  Speaker 1: now you look at it, and I'm like, check his brain, right,
• 2:45:51
  Speaker 1: and a lot of it now they are checking their brain.
• 2:45:53
  Speaker 1: So it's TBI related issues, right, they raged anger a
• 2:45:56
  Speaker 1: lot of stuff. And so being able to tell the
• 2:45:59
  Speaker 1: story and be a resource for these people that are
• 2:46:01
  Speaker 1: going through what I did. Yeah, it's not fun, right,
• 2:46:04
  Speaker 1: sit here and tell you the stories about my kids
• 2:46:06
  Speaker 1: and those things, right, but it's healing for me and
• 2:46:10
  Speaker 1: the amount of people that it is, Like, dude, you
• 2:46:12
  Speaker 1: saved my life by talking about it because you were
• 2:46:15
  Speaker 1: you know, strong enough to like put your shit out there, right,
• 2:46:19
  Speaker 1: like thank you. And so that's that's why I continue
• 2:46:23
  Speaker 1: to do this with athletes for Care because there are
• 2:46:25
  Speaker 1: lots of guys that are suffering, and there's you know,
• 2:46:28
  Speaker 1: there's there's ways of healing. And that's why I want
• 2:46:30
  Speaker 1: to be help push this medicine forward and just be
• 2:46:33
  Speaker 1: a resource for guys. Hey, maybe maybe I begain isn't
• 2:46:37
  Speaker 1: for you, but hey, won't you try this right once't
• 2:46:38
  Speaker 1: you try the cold waterer therapy. Won't you try these
• 2:46:40
  Speaker 1: breathing exercises?
• 2:46:41
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 2:46:42
  Speaker 1: I'm I've turned into a super focused hippie, right because
• 2:46:45
  Speaker 1: you know, like you, we've talked about it, the the
• 2:46:48
  Speaker 1: longevity stuff. Right. I get up and I do breathing exercises.
• 2:46:51
  Speaker 1: They want to Jane, and it's there's so many things
• 2:46:54
  Speaker 1: you can do. But that medicine for me got me
• 2:46:57
  Speaker 1: years ahead and I know, fix some stuff. But now
• 2:47:00
  Speaker 1: I'm addicted, right, I'm addicted to doing those things and
• 2:47:04
  Speaker 1: I do. I get up at four in the morning,
• 2:47:05
  Speaker 1: I go get my cold sub, I do my meditation,
• 2:47:08
  Speaker 1: I do my breathing, I do my workout, I do
• 2:47:10
  Speaker 1: my hyperbaric chamber. I know these tools. If I walk
• 2:47:13
  Speaker 1: into a gym and I get activated because it's loud,
• 2:47:15
  Speaker 1: I'm still I don't like chaos, right, That's who I am.
• 2:47:17
  Speaker 1: I'm very straightforward as a dad, as a coach, as
• 2:47:20
  Speaker 1: a person. But I walk in and I get activated
• 2:47:23
  Speaker 1: because you know, everyone's not us. I don't know how
• 2:47:26
  Speaker 1: you guys are with your kids. I'm guessing we're very similar, right,
• 2:47:28
  Speaker 1: this is not a free for all. Right, kids act
• 2:47:30
  Speaker 1: a certain way right walking to a gym and people
• 2:47:33
  Speaker 1: are bouncing off the walls and no judgment on their parenting.
• 2:47:36
  Speaker 1: But it activates me. Right. But now it's not this
• 2:47:40
  Speaker 1: over the top activation that I have to leave the gym.
• 2:47:42
  Speaker 1: It's like, I'm okay, not my kids. It's not my problem.
• 2:47:45
  Speaker 1: My kids are doing what they're supposed to do. I
• 2:47:47
  Speaker 1: can walk in, I can sit down. I cannot be
• 2:47:48
  Speaker 1: up there shaking because of the reaction. And so I know,
• 2:47:52
  Speaker 1: sitting here to watch my daughter and enjoy what she's
• 2:47:55
  Speaker 1: doing or whatever one of my kids I'm watching, or
• 2:47:57
  Speaker 1: if we're coaching. Now I'm coaching, and you know, with
• 2:48:00
  Speaker 1: my wife, we're coaching basketball. We're about to start the
• 2:48:03
  Speaker 1: high school basketball season, coaching girls. And it's the greatest
• 2:48:06
  Speaker 1: thing in the world. I couldn't have done that five years show.
• 2:48:08
  Speaker 4: When you talk about being your vulnerable state and saving
• 2:48:11
  Speaker 4: as many people, there's like you hear a lot of
• 2:48:14
  Speaker 4: stories about people who have gone through processes either similar
• 2:48:16
  Speaker 4: to yours or whatever, and how they've you know, changed
• 2:48:20
  Speaker 4: so many people's lives. Has your wife ever told her
• 2:48:23
  Speaker 4: side of the story and been vulnerable in those senses
• 2:48:25
  Speaker 4: because you talk about you know, as you're telling me
• 2:48:27
  Speaker 4: this story, I'm thinking, like, it's amazing the amount of
• 2:48:29
  Speaker 4: growth you've had and how you're very humble sitting on
• 2:48:33
  Speaker 4: this bus talking about these hard times that I've had
• 2:48:35
  Speaker 4: and this is the process that it took, and this
• 2:48:36
  Speaker 4: is where I'm at now, And I just think about
• 2:48:39
  Speaker 4: your wife and as you come out of this first
• 2:48:41
  Speaker 4: medicine and she's singing a different version of you, there's
• 2:48:45
  Speaker 4: probably a bunch of stones that haven't been on turned
• 2:48:47
  Speaker 4: for her of like different things that maybe you did
• 2:48:50
  Speaker 4: that she hasn't healed from, and there's a process for
• 2:48:52
  Speaker 4: her to heal through. Has she ever been able to
• 2:48:54
  Speaker 4: kind of tell her side of the story and these things?
• 2:48:56
  Speaker 1: It's funny you ask. We just did it. We went
• 2:48:59
  Speaker 1: to Iowa that week, did some mental health work with
• 2:49:01
  Speaker 1: the Athletic department with current student athletes, you know, not
• 2:49:05
  Speaker 1: regarding psychedelics, just more mental health in general. Met with
• 2:49:08
  Speaker 1: the psychiatric department. We're collabing with them at the University
• 2:49:11
  Speaker 1: of Iowa. But we sat down and she had a
• 2:49:14
  Speaker 1: couple hour interview and it's the first time she's told
• 2:49:17
  Speaker 1: her story. She's given tidbits on different things that she's
• 2:49:20
  Speaker 1: people she spoke to with different articles that they'd done
• 2:49:22
  Speaker 1: on me. But we have that in the pipeline to
• 2:49:25
  Speaker 1: come out. Because I took a good friend of mine
• 2:49:28
  Speaker 1: from Iowa. He played in the league. He was struggling
• 2:49:31
  Speaker 1: and I talked to him about this two years ago,
• 2:49:33
  Speaker 1: and about a year and a half ago he reached out.
• 2:49:37
  Speaker 1: He's like, I need help, I want I need to
• 2:49:38
  Speaker 1: go do this. So I went down with him to
• 2:49:40
  Speaker 1: Mexico just to hold space. And I remember, this is
• 2:49:43
  Speaker 1: when it hit me, like you said, because I was
• 2:49:46
  Speaker 1: down there and I called my wife and said, hey,
• 2:49:49
  Speaker 1: can you call such and such as wife and kind
• 2:49:52
  Speaker 1: of tell her what's going to be like when they
• 2:49:53
  Speaker 1: get back, because remember how much we struggled, right, because
• 2:49:55
  Speaker 1: she was she was for a long time. She was like, oh,
• 2:49:58
  Speaker 1: it's great, you're fixed. Awesome, right, Like I've been living
• 2:50:02
  Speaker 1: through all this stuff and it's awesome.
• 2:50:04
  Speaker 4: She has multiple years of going through all these things.
• 2:50:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so she you know, that's when it hit me.
• 2:50:09
  Speaker 1: I was like, we need to if she wants to,
• 2:50:12
  Speaker 1: and she did. She's willing to tell it because it's
• 2:50:15
  Speaker 1: the wives and the kids that go through it. And
• 2:50:17
  Speaker 1: so she called my buddy's wife and and it was
• 2:50:20
  Speaker 1: great because she wasn't really into him going down there.
• 2:50:23
  Speaker 1: She's like, what is Robert doing? Like they're going to
• 2:50:25
  Speaker 1: make he's taking him to Mexico? Do drugs? Trust us? Right? Well,
• 2:50:28
  Speaker 1: then he gets home and I waited. I didn't want
• 2:50:30
  Speaker 1: to call an ask how's he doing. A week later,
• 2:50:33
  Speaker 1: get a call from our text It's like, I'm sorry,
• 2:50:37
  Speaker 1: I didn't believe in this when you left. He is
• 2:50:38
  Speaker 1: a different person. Thank you so much and the stuff
• 2:50:42
  Speaker 1: you told me. And then we were like, okay, well,
• 2:50:43
  Speaker 1: now here's this going to happen, right, You're gonna get
• 2:50:46
  Speaker 1: some resentment coming up, just like my wife did. And
• 2:50:48
  Speaker 1: she did. She called my wife and was like, yep,
• 2:50:51
  Speaker 1: it's there, he's fixed. It's all great. You know, tell
• 2:50:54
  Speaker 1: me to relax. Yeah, right, because I'm the one reacting now.
• 2:50:58
  Speaker 1: So it's a big part of this whole story, is
• 2:51:01
  Speaker 1: the entire part of it. And that's what Marcus and
• 2:51:03
  Speaker 1: Amber Capone did for me at Vets They are my
• 2:51:06
  Speaker 1: best friends now one of my best friends because they
• 2:51:09
  Speaker 1: took that call from me, right, And that's why I
• 2:51:11
  Speaker 1: want to help other guys. And it's just another it's
• 2:51:12
  Speaker 1: a way of of healing, right, because we all have
• 2:51:15
  Speaker 1: our issues, right, We're always going to have our issues. Right.
• 2:51:18
  Speaker 1: But and it's not not that it's not everyone in
• 2:51:21
  Speaker 1: the world, but you know, athletes especially right, you come
• 2:51:24
  Speaker 1: out of being what we were and the identity and
• 2:51:26
  Speaker 1: all these things, and like we're full bore, you know.
• 2:51:29
  Speaker 1: So I want to start with that and help guys,
• 2:51:31
  Speaker 1: you know, get healing. And that's you know, this is
• 2:51:34
  Speaker 1: how I know how to do it.
• 2:51:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I just I sit here and think it's like,
• 2:51:37
  Speaker 2: how do you reach another Robert Gallery out there? That's
• 2:51:43
  Speaker 2: more so in the phase of the years until you
• 2:51:46
  Speaker 2: decided like, hey, I need help, the moment on the
• 2:51:48
  Speaker 2: on the driveway where you look at your wife and
• 2:51:50
  Speaker 2: you say I need help, like the guy that isn't
• 2:51:52
  Speaker 2: wanting to hear it. I feel like that's always the
• 2:51:55
  Speaker 2: that's always got to be the challenge.
• 2:51:57
  Speaker 1: Right, it is, And I think that's I think talking
• 2:52:00
  Speaker 1: about it, I've learned. I've had numerous guys that have like, Hey,
• 2:52:03
  Speaker 1: seeing you talk about it, they reach out and like,
• 2:52:06
  Speaker 1: I'm having the same thing. Seeing you talk about it
• 2:52:08
  Speaker 1: made me reach out. Am I ready to go to Mexico? No,
• 2:52:10
  Speaker 1: some of them are. We've helped guys get down there. Yeah,
• 2:52:13
  Speaker 1: But I think it's just the vulnerability. So it's not
• 2:52:16
  Speaker 1: just me, right, it's you hear you know, that's just
• 2:52:19
  Speaker 1: this day and age too. Is like not only athletes,
• 2:52:22
  Speaker 1: but you hear Marcus Latrell talk about it, you hear
• 2:52:25
  Speaker 1: DJ Shipley. These guys are the baddest dudes on the
• 2:52:27
  Speaker 1: face of the earth. And what they did right, and
• 2:52:29
  Speaker 1: you hear them talk about it right, And that's what
• 2:52:31
  Speaker 1: did it for me, Like to sit in a room
• 2:52:32
  Speaker 1: and cry with a bunch of Navy seals and hug
• 2:52:35
  Speaker 1: and tell them you love them, right, the stuff that
• 2:52:36
  Speaker 1: you're like ten years ago, none of us would have
• 2:52:38
  Speaker 1: said that, right, you know what I mean. So to
• 2:52:40
  Speaker 1: be vulnerable and talk about this, you know, we've been
• 2:52:43
  Speaker 1: getting a lot of outreach and guys like, hey, something's
• 2:52:46
  Speaker 1: going on. You know, I don't know if I'm ready,
• 2:52:48
  Speaker 1: but but this, you know, stay keep me in the
• 2:52:50
  Speaker 1: loop on what you're doing, because just that talking about
• 2:52:54
  Speaker 1: it makes people think it's okay to like, oh shit,
• 2:52:56
  Speaker 1: that's me. And we've had guys. I've had a couple
• 2:52:58
  Speaker 1: of guys that reached out, had heard my story on
• 2:53:01
  Speaker 1: a different podcast or a news article, went and did
• 2:53:04
  Speaker 1: the medicine and went on their own like wanted healing,
• 2:53:06
  Speaker 1: went and did it and then reached out again or
• 2:53:09
  Speaker 1: reached out then post treatments like dude, you save my life,
• 2:53:12
  Speaker 1: like and that's pretty cool.
• 2:53:13
  Speaker 2: In with Marcus Latreel at the first spot, like yeah,
• 2:53:16
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you like your stuff, but you
• 2:53:18
  Speaker 2: saved my life.
• 2:53:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:53:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 2:53:20
  Speaker 1: It's like you know the days it's that I'm you know,
• 2:53:23
  Speaker 1: working on the business side of having a foundation, right,
• 2:53:27
  Speaker 1: I tried to raise money and do all these things
• 2:53:28
  Speaker 1: that you got to do to keep running. And you
• 2:53:30
  Speaker 1: get an email like that and you're like, holy cow,
• 2:53:32
  Speaker 1: like there is a reason, and it's it's pretty cool,
• 2:53:34
  Speaker 1: and you know, sit and talk to guys. There's been
• 2:53:36
  Speaker 1: numerous ex players that I've been at vents with and
• 2:53:39
  Speaker 1: what are you up to now? And it just wasn't
• 2:53:40
  Speaker 1: me preaching like you should do medicine. It's just more
• 2:53:43
  Speaker 1: out this is what happened. I went dark, did this
• 2:53:45
  Speaker 1: found healing in this and they're like, oh right, I've
• 2:53:48
  Speaker 1: had numerous guys like the rage thing. He's like, and
• 2:53:51
  Speaker 1: it's like they relive what I was doing, and so
• 2:53:55
  Speaker 1: I hope they, you know, find something that helps them.
• 2:53:57
  Speaker 1: But there's lots of guys like that. It's not everybody.
• 2:54:00
  Speaker 1: I'm not playing, you know, like you guys, I'd go
• 2:54:02
  Speaker 1: do the whole thing all over again. I'd go back
• 2:54:04
  Speaker 1: to Iowa and do the same stuff and hit the
• 2:54:05
  Speaker 1: same way and be the guy that was trying to
• 2:54:07
  Speaker 1: kill people with my head. Yeah, because that's what I was.
• 2:54:09
  Speaker 1: I was. I was not a finesque guy, right. I
• 2:54:12
  Speaker 1: was a smash a face mask through your face.
• 2:54:15
  Speaker 2: Mask type of guy, be ready to die on the field.
• 2:54:17
  Speaker 4: And so yeah, there's those moments on Saturdays in the
• 2:54:19
  Speaker 4: Fall where you're just like, man if I died out here,
• 2:54:22
  Speaker 4: this is an honorable death. I'm willing to do it.
• 2:54:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a sick part about it, and I'm still right.
• 2:54:26
  Speaker 1: That's also the thing with the medicine. It's not I'm
• 2:54:28
  Speaker 1: not a hippie now, like yes do I do. I
• 2:54:31
  Speaker 1: am right because you've seen me or I can like
• 2:54:34
  Speaker 1: in the airport, right, things are getting activating me. Right,
• 2:54:36
  Speaker 1: it's like chaos. I don't like chaos. There's a bunch
• 2:54:38
  Speaker 1: of noises because I can hear. Now, I can hear,
• 2:54:40
  Speaker 1: and I'm thinking clearly, and I'm like, oh, there's a
• 2:54:42
  Speaker 1: lot going on in here. Sorr sit in the corner
• 2:54:44
  Speaker 1: right close my eyes, and I'm sure people like, who
• 2:54:47
  Speaker 1: is this massive tattooed dude in the corner. And it's awesome.
• 2:54:54
  Speaker 1: It's a it's a great feeling to be you know,
• 2:54:57
  Speaker 1: healed and be that much far ahead of where I
• 2:55:00
  Speaker 1: I was and to be able to offer it to
• 2:55:02
  Speaker 1: other people and guide them through maybe before they get
• 2:55:05
  Speaker 1: to where I get. That's my whole My whole goal
• 2:55:07
  Speaker 1: with athletes for care is to be there before they
• 2:55:10
  Speaker 1: get to where I got. Telling my wife like, here's
• 2:55:12
  Speaker 1: all this stuff, right, let's get you the rage stuff
• 2:55:16
  Speaker 1: now that you're recognizing, Right, that's what leads to this
• 2:55:19
  Speaker 1: other stuff. That's part of TBI. That's the reality of it, right,
• 2:55:22
  Speaker 1: not blaming the league, not blaming anyone, Like I said,
• 2:55:25
  Speaker 1: I do it all over again, but like, let's offer healing.
• 2:55:28
  Speaker 1: And that's a big part of what we're doing and
• 2:55:32
  Speaker 1: why I'm on here.
• 2:55:33
  Speaker 2: What's your relationship, like with football.
• 2:55:35
  Speaker 1: Now you know when I got.
• 2:55:37
  Speaker 2: And how's it changed? Since it's probably the bitter taste
• 2:55:39
  Speaker 2: you had in your mouth when you left it.
• 2:55:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I can sit and enjoy and watch a game
• 2:55:44
  Speaker 1: with my son because he loves it. Am I going
• 2:55:46
  Speaker 1: to choose to on a Saturday or Sunday in December
• 2:55:50
  Speaker 1: when it's dumping snow out stay and watch it, watch
• 2:55:53
  Speaker 1: the NFL games on Sunday ticket rather than being on
• 2:55:56
  Speaker 1: the mountain snowboard and absolutely not right. I'm not a
• 2:55:58
  Speaker 1: I was never that way, Like, I'm not a guy
• 2:56:00
  Speaker 1: that sit and watches it every weekend. But I can
• 2:56:03
  Speaker 1: turn it on now. My son can turn it on,
• 2:56:05
  Speaker 1: like Dad, let's watch the football game? Like sure, buddy. Yeah,
• 2:56:08
  Speaker 1: pre all this, I would lose it, like turn that
• 2:56:12
  Speaker 1: stuff off. It was just all this hatred.
• 2:56:15
  Speaker 4: Towards footballs for the devil time of Yeah.
• 2:56:17
  Speaker 1: It was. I hated it. I didn't want to watch
• 2:56:18
  Speaker 1: it because it brought back all the negative stuff. Well,
• 2:56:21
  Speaker 1: you're a failure. You should still be playing. I'm forty
• 2:56:23
  Speaker 1: five years old. I shouldn't be playing still, right, But
• 2:56:25
  Speaker 1: it was all these things that go through your head
• 2:56:27
  Speaker 1: as an ex athlete to where now it's fun with
• 2:56:29
  Speaker 1: my son to watch it. It's like, oh, yeah, George
• 2:56:32
  Speaker 1: Kittle's on the you know, it's you know, I know
• 2:56:35
  Speaker 1: George and his family. And to hear my son be
• 2:56:37
  Speaker 1: so excited about oh, you know, I was watching Receiver
• 2:56:40
  Speaker 1: and you know, am I gonna sit and watch it?
• 2:56:42
  Speaker 1: I will because he wants to.
• 2:56:43
  Speaker 4: Dude, isn't it you're bringing up George Kittle. Isn't it
• 2:56:47
  Speaker 4: so crazy that you went to Iowa and a young
• 2:56:50
  Speaker 4: eight year old George Kittle waited in line for an
• 2:56:52
  Speaker 4: hour for you to take a photo with you as
• 2:56:54
  Speaker 4: a kid, and then now because of how long you
• 2:56:57
  Speaker 4: waited and signed those photos and autographs and all those things,
• 2:57:00
  Speaker 4: he's now a guy that does that because he saw
• 2:57:02
  Speaker 4: you do that. And now your kids watching George Kittle
• 2:57:05
  Speaker 4: being like, holy shit, George Kittle.
• 2:57:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and that just nuts. It's amazing. And to hear
• 2:57:09
  Speaker 1: that I heard the you know, George and his dad
• 2:57:11
  Speaker 1: shared that story with me and I had no idea,
• 2:57:13
  Speaker 1: right and showed me the picture and it's yeah, it's
• 2:57:16
  Speaker 1: it's a big deal because we get in the thing.
• 2:57:18
  Speaker 1: It's like, you know, I remember doing that. I remember
• 2:57:20
  Speaker 1: standing there because I'm like, I can't let these kids down.
• 2:57:21
  Speaker 1: I was that kid. I was that kid when my
• 2:57:23
  Speaker 1: brother was playing waiting for Tim D. White to get
• 2:57:24
  Speaker 1: an autographed Yeah, and so to have that relationship with them,
• 2:57:27
  Speaker 1: you know, and George is actually George has been great.
• 2:57:30
  Speaker 1: Like we're doing a fundraiser with him through All True.
• 2:57:35
  Speaker 1: It's a rally fundraiser. They're they're actually giving away a
• 2:57:40
  Speaker 1: Himalaya e V defender a vehicle. Right, So if you
• 2:57:44
  Speaker 1: go to All True dot com and check that out.
• 2:57:46
  Speaker 1: George is all show exactly. Carl Rudolph started it and
• 2:57:50
  Speaker 1: and George does a lot of things for them. We
• 2:57:52
  Speaker 1: have a lot of things intertwined, Like he's big in
• 2:57:54
  Speaker 1: the military community. You know, what he's done with his career,
• 2:57:59
  Speaker 1: you know, is great, but all the other stuff he does,
• 2:58:01
  Speaker 1: so it's great to partner with them. You know, they're
• 2:58:03
  Speaker 1: going to help raise funds through that All True fundraiser
• 2:58:06
  Speaker 1: for our organization for Athletes for Care and just just
• 2:58:09
  Speaker 1: good human beings right there. You know that's the Midwest,
• 2:58:12
  Speaker 1: the Midwest in them and and you know the Iway guy.
• 2:58:14
  Speaker 1: So what else what else is?
• 2:58:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah? How how hard was it to eventually love your
• 2:58:25
  Speaker 2: career and love what you accomplished and love what you
• 2:58:27
  Speaker 2: did because I can imagine, I can only imagine how
• 2:58:30
  Speaker 2: angry you probably would be at times being a number
• 2:58:33
  Speaker 2: two overall pick. And like I just I can just
• 2:58:36
  Speaker 2: tell listening to you loved the game of football. You
• 2:58:38
  Speaker 2: loved fucking grinding, you loved putting on one hundred pounds,
• 2:58:42
  Speaker 2: you loved imposing your will against the opponent and working
• 2:58:46
  Speaker 2: out and grinding and getting better. And for your career,
• 2:58:49
  Speaker 2: you know, we're all psychos, we all want to be
• 2:58:51
  Speaker 2: the greatest. For it not to work out and in
• 2:58:54
  Speaker 2: a way of the expectation of the world and everything else.
• 2:58:57
  Speaker 2: I'm sure that you were very bitter for a while.
• 2:59:00
  Speaker 2: And because you talked about your ego death, you talked
• 2:59:02
  Speaker 2: about you speaking on it, and it was very fleeting.
• 2:59:05
  Speaker 2: But loving your career when you said you were coming
• 2:59:07
  Speaker 2: out of and from the spiritual side of everything, I'm
• 2:59:09
  Speaker 2: sure that was very hard.
• 2:59:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it is right. We're competitors. That stuff doesn't
• 2:59:14
  Speaker 1: go away. But this, you know, this whole journey led
• 2:59:17
  Speaker 1: me to there's a lot of other thing you guys
• 2:59:19
  Speaker 1: know it right, Like, there's a lot of other factors
• 2:59:21
  Speaker 1: that go into what happens. Right, So I look back
• 2:59:24
  Speaker 1: at my career at Iowa and why was I so
• 2:59:26
  Speaker 1: successful there? Because the head coach that started in nineteen
• 2:59:29
  Speaker 1: ninety nine is still there in twenty twenty six, right,
• 2:59:33
  Speaker 1: So it was the same coach, the same system, right,
• 2:59:35
  Speaker 1: and all these other things. But it's about right you
• 2:59:38
  Speaker 1: look back and yeah, you played ten years. You think
• 2:59:41
  Speaker 1: you should have played twelve, You played twelve, right, it
• 2:59:43
  Speaker 1: doesn't matter, right at the end of the day, that's
• 2:59:45
  Speaker 1: who we are as competitors. Could have played twenty years
• 2:59:48
  Speaker 1: and I'm sure I'd be sitting here and playing I
• 2:59:49
  Speaker 1: should have played twenty two, right, Like this whole expectation
• 2:59:51
  Speaker 1: of what you should do. Yeah, So it's yeah, it's
• 2:59:55
  Speaker 1: it's also looking at things in a healthy way. There's
• 2:59:57
  Speaker 1: a lot of things that are in life or out
• 2:59:59
  Speaker 1: of your factors that affect what happens, right, and you
• 3:00:03
  Speaker 1: have a story in your head of how you want
• 3:00:05
  Speaker 1: things to happen. But it's, yes, it's a sit here
• 3:00:07
  Speaker 1: and like, I'm proud of what I did. Right. I
• 3:00:10
  Speaker 1: didn't dwindle it away because I was out, you know,
• 3:00:14
  Speaker 1: not not putting everything into it. And so yes, it's
• 3:00:17
  Speaker 1: it's it's a much better relationship now. And that's you know,
• 3:00:21
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't be here, you know, that's part of the
• 3:00:23
  Speaker 1: spiritual part of it. I wouldn't be here talking about
• 3:00:25
  Speaker 1: this if all that stuff didn't happen, right, So it's
• 3:00:27
  Speaker 1: part of the process it was supposed to be for me.
• 3:00:30
  Speaker 1: Did I still want to go to the playoffs every
• 3:00:32
  Speaker 1: year or a year never? You know what I mean? Like, yeah, yeah,
• 3:00:37
  Speaker 1: that stuff still bothers me, right, it gets the playoff
• 3:00:39
  Speaker 1: time and I'm like, I mean, it doesn't debilitate me,
• 3:00:42
  Speaker 1: but I'm like, ah, that's a'd January see the winning
• 3:00:46
  Speaker 1: team just like man, yeah, feeling yeah. And and as
• 3:00:50
  Speaker 1: you guys know, when you're winning, it's it's fun, right,
• 3:00:53
  Speaker 1: it's and it's easy, right. And then you're like, I
• 3:00:56
  Speaker 1: got bullrust there, but it didn't matter because we were
• 3:00:58
  Speaker 1: rolling and he got it out and like you know,
• 3:01:00
  Speaker 1: and that happens in a you know, you're losing and
• 3:01:02
  Speaker 1: you're you know, down twenty and your were past blocking
• 3:01:05
  Speaker 1: every single one, like hold on, yeah, yeah.
• 3:01:07
  Speaker 4: That's the worst. When you open up the second half
• 3:01:08
  Speaker 4: and you're like two minute boys, hold on to your
• 3:01:12
  Speaker 4: nothing for the rest of the game.
• 3:01:13
  Speaker 1: You're praying to.
• 3:01:13
  Speaker 4: Get a couple of slides. Hey, that's the worst feeling
• 3:01:17
  Speaker 4: in the world when it comes to a career, dude,
• 3:01:18
  Speaker 4: Like we've talked about it. I still miss playing football,
• 3:01:22
  Speaker 4: but I am extremely proud of Like if you if
• 3:01:25
  Speaker 4: you're able to be proud of what you were able
• 3:01:27
  Speaker 4: to accomplish and put it giving one hundred percent effort
• 3:01:29
  Speaker 4: at the end of the day, like the result of
• 3:01:31
  Speaker 4: you know, everyone has this like idea in your head
• 3:01:33
  Speaker 4: of like how you're going to write the end of
• 3:01:34
  Speaker 4: your story, and everyone has it the same way, like
• 3:01:36
  Speaker 4: Tom Brady did it, or these other you know one
• 3:01:39
  Speaker 4: guys did and it's like, if you gave everything you
• 3:01:42
  Speaker 4: had to it, and then there's nothing to be upset
• 3:01:46
  Speaker 4: about because you you put everything you had into the game.
• 3:01:48
  Speaker 1: That'bsolute the most.
• 3:01:48
  Speaker 2: Important had to have been very freeing too to kind
• 3:01:51
  Speaker 2: of have that ego death. Let it go, love and
• 3:01:53
  Speaker 2: appreciate it because we all know, like I know that
• 3:01:58
  Speaker 2: you being two hundred and twenty thirty pounds with high
• 3:02:02
  Speaker 2: jump records or four by one, you would have never
• 3:02:06
  Speaker 2: imagined somebody coming to you and say, hey, you're going
• 3:02:09
  Speaker 2: to gain one hundred pounds you're gonna be an Outland
• 3:02:10
  Speaker 2: Trophy winner, You're gonna be an All American, You're gonna
• 3:02:13
  Speaker 2: be the number two overall pick in the NFL and
• 3:02:15
  Speaker 2: be an offensive lineman and play for eight nine years
• 3:02:18
  Speaker 2: in the NFL. You'd be like, Yeah, you're fucking crazy
• 3:02:21
  Speaker 2: being a farm boy from small town Iowa. So it is.
• 3:02:24
  Speaker 2: It's like you've done a lot of badass shit that
• 3:02:28
  Speaker 2: absolutely everybody would trade places for. And it's really cool
• 3:02:32
  Speaker 2: that you've learned. You've had this process of learning and
• 3:02:35
  Speaker 2: very much lows and now you're getting new experience highs
• 3:02:37
  Speaker 2: again and love yourself and be a family man and
• 3:02:40
  Speaker 2: do all these things and start a foundation that you've
• 3:02:43
  Speaker 2: started and changing people's lives. So dude, I appreciate you
• 3:02:47
  Speaker 2: for sharing all this. I'm sure it gets still at
• 3:02:50
  Speaker 2: some point no matter how much you talk about it.
• 3:02:51
  Speaker 2: I'm sure there's some still some discomfort at times, like
• 3:02:54
  Speaker 2: having to pull from old memories that you probably feel
• 3:02:57
  Speaker 2: shame and embarrassment from. So dude, thank you for sharing
• 3:03:00
  Speaker 2: all those sincerely.
• 3:03:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it's it's like I said, it's been. It's
• 3:03:03
  Speaker 1: great for me. It's right, this process helped me enjoy
• 3:03:07
  Speaker 1: like you said other things in life. Right, my I'm
• 3:03:10
  Speaker 1: one of eight guys in the Ring of Honor in
• 3:03:12
  Speaker 1: Kinnick Stadium at the University of Iowa. Right, it's eighty right,
• 3:03:16
  Speaker 1: and that like something I am so proud of. And
• 3:03:19
  Speaker 1: I went post medicine to where I didn't really I
• 3:03:21
  Speaker 1: was still right embarrassed or whatever it was. Right, there's
• 3:03:24
  Speaker 1: all these other factors, and I'm like, that's one instance
• 3:03:27
  Speaker 1: where I'm like, I remember standing there that day they
• 3:03:30
  Speaker 1: unveiled it, and I'm like, holy shit, I'm one of
• 3:03:32
  Speaker 1: eight dudes in the history of Iowa football that has
• 3:03:35
  Speaker 1: their name on the stadium. Like, I did some really
• 3:03:40
  Speaker 1: big time stuff, right, doesn't That's not who I am
• 3:03:43
  Speaker 1: just because my name's there, but that to be able
• 3:03:44
  Speaker 1: to really enjoy that stuff, and we all did it
• 3:03:47
  Speaker 1: right as our careers went on your next thing, next thing,
• 3:03:49
  Speaker 1: next thing, next thing, and now stand back and truly
• 3:03:51
  Speaker 1: enjoy the process of what you did and what you
• 3:03:54
  Speaker 1: accomplished from it. It's it's a it's a very amazing deal.
• 3:03:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's awesome.
• 3:03:58
  Speaker 4: I got one more question for you. I was so
• 3:04:01
  Speaker 4: hung up on your first d MT trip and You're
• 3:04:04
  Speaker 4: like going to the light and you see God and
• 3:04:07
  Speaker 4: you're like, I saw God the way I see God?
• 3:04:08
  Speaker 4: How clear was this trip for you? Was like we're
• 3:04:10
  Speaker 4: all sitting here right now talking absolutely what does God
• 3:04:13
  Speaker 4: look like?
• 3:04:15
  Speaker 1: There's two things I don't get into, politics and religion. No,
• 3:04:19
  Speaker 1: but for me, right, it was the typical what I
• 3:04:21
  Speaker 1: learned in in CCD class when I was beard beard,
• 3:04:25
  Speaker 1: long white hair, the white robe. Right.
• 3:04:28
  Speaker 4: Was he a heavier set guy or medium build?
• 3:04:30
  Speaker 1: What we look at medium build, white guy? Right? Yeah,
• 3:04:33
  Speaker 1: God's white.
• 3:04:35
  Speaker 2: We're not judging that.
• 3:04:37
  Speaker 1: But yeah, it was like very crystal clear. Yeah, and
• 3:04:41
  Speaker 1: so yeah, some of those things and that's part of
• 3:04:43
  Speaker 1: this too. We can laugh about it now. But the
• 3:04:45
  Speaker 1: people that have gone through we talk about these things
• 3:04:47
  Speaker 1: you see and you're like they get it. Or if
• 3:04:50
  Speaker 1: you've experienced things like that, you're like, holy cow, right,
• 3:04:53
  Speaker 1: like talking about seeing the light and doing these different things.
• 3:04:56
  Speaker 1: The death, you're like, you know, I'm very clear what
• 3:04:58
  Speaker 1: it's going to be like when I do die. Like
• 3:05:00
  Speaker 1: that came out of that too, like that peaceful. It's like, oh,
• 3:05:03
  Speaker 1: this is this is not bad, right, It's not a
• 3:05:05
  Speaker 1: scary thing. Yeah, you know, some of the stuff that
• 3:05:07
  Speaker 1: happened in there but it's yeah, it's it was crystal clear.
• 3:05:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I saw my god, he had a thirty Rex
• 3:05:14
  Speaker 2: sitting next to you.
• 3:05:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, tuxedo T shirt on mullet.
• 3:05:21
  Speaker 2: Shirt.
• 3:05:22
  Speaker 4: I bro, that's got to be such a crazy feeling
• 3:05:24
  Speaker 4: in your head to be like, yo, this is this
• 3:05:26
  Speaker 4: is the guy everyone's talking about all the time. This
• 3:05:28
  Speaker 4: is him.
• 3:05:29
  Speaker 2: You know, I was gonna say the tuxedo T shirt
• 3:05:31
  Speaker 2: just cutting have to.
• 3:05:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, he got his belly out a little cropped up
• 3:05:34
  Speaker 4: and me too, squat. Yeah yeah, Now that's all. Your
• 3:05:39
  Speaker 4: story is incredible. Man, We all the things Will said.
• 3:05:41
  Speaker 4: I would love to double down on that, but like,
• 3:05:43
  Speaker 4: thank you for sharing your story with us. It's awesome
• 3:05:45
  Speaker 4: and I hope that anybody who hears this that's going
• 3:05:47
  Speaker 4: through something they reach out because that's the mental health
• 3:05:50
  Speaker 4: side is so important. So thank you.
• 3:05:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, that's what you know, that's I want to continue.
• 3:05:54
  Speaker 1: We have you know, websites set up, you know, and
• 3:05:57
  Speaker 1: like like any foundation, right like that, you know, people
• 3:06:00
  Speaker 1: feel inclined to donate. There's a donate page on there
• 3:06:03
  Speaker 1: because this we can help send guys for treatment. Right
• 3:06:05
  Speaker 1: Because unlike what most people think, not all professional athletes
• 3:06:09
  Speaker 1: have money or save their money or had careers like
• 3:06:13
  Speaker 1: we did that we put stuff away, you know. So
• 3:06:15
  Speaker 1: we're raising money to help with the research and you know,
• 3:06:17
  Speaker 1: help send guys that need help that are in financial meaning.
• 3:06:20
  Speaker 1: It's not as football guys, right, there's UFC guys. We've
• 3:06:22
  Speaker 1: got hockey guys. We've got tons of guys. So that's
• 3:06:25
  Speaker 1: a big part of this is also but that's all
• 3:06:27
  Speaker 1: on our website and just a resource of things you
• 3:06:31
  Speaker 1: can do and people to reach out to.
• 3:06:34
  Speaker 4: What's the average cost to take one person down.
• 3:06:37
  Speaker 1: There's a couple of different facilities, but you know, anywhere
• 3:06:40
  Speaker 1: from six thousand dollars to ten plus, but the place
• 3:06:46
  Speaker 1: that the majority of that I've gone to is just
• 3:06:49
  Speaker 1: over six thousand dollars, you know, to get there. The treatment,
• 3:06:52
  Speaker 1: it's the doctors, it's the pre impost therapy, integration, reintegration,
• 3:06:57
  Speaker 1: so not you know, not cheap. But I also came
• 3:07:01
  Speaker 1: out of it and like dude, I would have paid
• 3:07:02
  Speaker 1: sixty thousand dollars. Right, It's easy for me to say,
• 3:07:05
  Speaker 1: but I also think it's such a profound thing that's like,
• 3:07:08
  Speaker 1: holy cow, let's figure out how to make this happen.
• 3:07:10
  Speaker 1: And that's what Vets has done. You know, they give grants.
• 3:07:14
  Speaker 1: You know, we want to do that if we start
• 3:07:15
  Speaker 1: raising enough money. We want to give grants to guys
• 3:07:18
  Speaker 1: that are a need that can't can't financially do it
• 3:07:21
  Speaker 1: and give them part of a grant. And so you
• 3:07:24
  Speaker 1: know the other thing I would love to, you know,
• 3:07:25
  Speaker 1: give a small plug too, is this experience is easy
• 3:07:28
  Speaker 1: for me to talk about it and you listen to
• 3:07:30
  Speaker 1: me and like, okay. But there's a new documentary that
• 3:07:33
  Speaker 1: actually just came out on Netflix that Marcus and Amber
• 3:07:36
  Speaker 1: Capoem were a part of with their organization. It's called
• 3:07:39
  Speaker 1: In Waves and War and it's very very good. I've
• 3:07:41
  Speaker 1: seen them multiple times. Just got released. It's on Netflix
• 3:07:45
  Speaker 1: and it gives a good idea of this process. More
• 3:07:48
  Speaker 1: scientific stuff on the medicine, but it's some great storytelling
• 3:07:53
  Speaker 1: like mine that you'll be like, oh I heard that
• 3:07:55
  Speaker 1: from Robert right if you go watch it, because it's
• 3:07:57
  Speaker 1: it's very similar and it's just bringing awareness to guys.
• 3:08:01
  Speaker 2: We talk about, you know, things that we can laugh about.
• 3:08:05
  Speaker 2: We do have a final question. It's brought to us
• 3:08:07
  Speaker 2: by bud Light. It is it is comical, you know
• 3:08:12
  Speaker 2: how people would do anything for a nice I've heard that,
• 3:08:18
  Speaker 2: what is something in your life that Robert Gallery would
• 3:08:21
  Speaker 2: do anything for? And you've seen Brendsey's Taylor. It's a
• 3:08:25
  Speaker 2: coin thing. You can't say family, Oh yeah.
• 3:08:27
  Speaker 4: Can't say family.
• 3:08:31
  Speaker 1: I think for me it would be being able to
• 3:08:34
  Speaker 1: consistently live in the moment, to be in the moment,
• 3:08:37
  Speaker 1: like I'm very much more in the moment now than
• 3:08:40
  Speaker 1: I was, But I've had that feeling of being in
• 3:08:43
  Speaker 1: the moment for days on end. Right post medicine work,
• 3:08:46
  Speaker 1: there's times where I you know, I'm on my routine
• 3:08:48
  Speaker 1: to go into guys like us, we push and push
• 3:08:52
  Speaker 1: and push, right, got to be great, gotta do this
• 3:08:53
  Speaker 1: like you guys started this like we got a ticket
• 3:08:55
  Speaker 1: to the next level. You're doing this, But to go
• 3:08:58
  Speaker 1: to be able to be in the moment, gym, watch
• 3:09:01
  Speaker 1: my daughters play basketball and just be in the moment
• 3:09:04
  Speaker 1: watching them, not worrying about like, oh, they screwed this up, right.
• 3:09:06
  Speaker 1: It's that mentality of high level athletes, right, I'm guessing
• 3:09:10
  Speaker 1: you guys are the same. Or as your kids get older,
• 3:09:12
  Speaker 1: you just push and push all you should have done that.
• 3:09:15
  Speaker 1: But there's been instances where I've been in the moment.
• 3:09:17
  Speaker 1: I've been on a snowmobile in the middle of the
• 3:09:19
  Speaker 1: mountains and I can see every single snowflake that's coming
• 3:09:21
  Speaker 1: towards me. I'm like, oh, I am in this moment
• 3:09:23
  Speaker 1: right now, right there's me the snowmobile. I'm out. It
• 3:09:27
  Speaker 1: is nuking snow and there's nothing else and I can
• 3:09:28
  Speaker 1: see every single snowflake flying at me. So I'm so
• 3:09:31
  Speaker 1: it's like a meditative state. And I've been in a
• 3:09:33
  Speaker 1: gym where I just I'm in pure enjoyment of watching
• 3:09:37
  Speaker 1: my daughter do something she likes, not being like, oh,
• 3:09:39
  Speaker 1: she should have done this, or why didn't she do this?
• 3:09:41
  Speaker 1: Or she didn't enough protein this last week, so that's
• 3:09:44
  Speaker 1: why she's tired. Right, this thing that that high level.
• 3:09:47
  Speaker 1: I'm guessing you guys are the same. It's like go,
• 3:09:50
  Speaker 1: go go, But when you've seen that, calm miss So.
• 3:09:53
  Speaker 1: I would like to say to be in the moment
• 3:09:55
  Speaker 1: all the time the rest of my life. Just be
• 3:09:57
  Speaker 1: in the moment with whatever's going on, whether that's good
• 3:09:59
  Speaker 1: or bad, Like the past doesn't matter, the future doesn't matter.
• 3:10:03
  Speaker 1: Like sitting here talking with you guys, right, just be
• 3:10:06
  Speaker 1: which it is. It's great, right, Like that's why it's
• 3:10:08
  Speaker 1: easy and you can talk about it because it's like
• 3:10:10
  Speaker 1: you're completely in the moment. I'm not worried about anything
• 3:10:12
  Speaker 1: other than right, the great stories and about how you
• 3:10:15
  Speaker 1: know most people listening to this will be Hawkeye fans
• 3:10:17
  Speaker 1: and not you know, Nebraska after this.
• 3:10:21
  Speaker 8: So right, that's true.
• 3:10:24
  Speaker 4: It is true.
• 3:10:25
  Speaker 2: It always comes back to the Big ten. It always
• 3:10:28
  Speaker 2: comes back before we came on the bus too. He's like,
• 3:10:31
  Speaker 2: I got a gift for your daughters. Would you want
• 3:10:33
  Speaker 2: it now before or would you want me to give
• 3:10:35
  Speaker 2: to you on the podcast. So I'm just thinking like, oh,
• 3:10:37
  Speaker 2: that's a solid dad given another day, a gift for
• 3:10:40
  Speaker 2: his girls or something like that, like we can wait
• 3:10:42
  Speaker 2: till the bus. And now that he pulled it out,
• 3:10:44
  Speaker 2: I'm like, ah, he got me.
• 3:10:46
  Speaker 4: I mean that's a solid gift.
• 3:10:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a solid gift. Very heady play by you.
• 3:10:50
  Speaker 4: You know that was given to you by Robert Gallery,
• 3:10:52
  Speaker 4: guy who's names on the stadium.
• 3:10:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, right right, And I know the coach very well,
• 3:10:56
  Speaker 1: like my wife's still very close. So you know, maybe
• 3:11:00
  Speaker 1: there's some scholarships in the future, but I know how
• 3:11:02
  Speaker 1: you said you wouldn't send them there no matter what.
• 3:11:05
  Speaker 1: But I'm also thinking, I mean, they look good in
• 3:11:07
  Speaker 1: the black and gold, right, black and gol car kids
• 3:11:10
  Speaker 1: team up right. I think you a little younger than mine, But.
• 3:11:13
  Speaker 2: I've already started incorporating Like we had on our for
• 3:11:16
  Speaker 2: the Dad's podcast, we curated this story, this Ai story
• 3:11:20
  Speaker 2: of good guys and bad guys, and the good guys
• 3:11:22
  Speaker 2: are huskers and the bad guys or haul guys. So
• 3:11:24
  Speaker 2: trying to Indoctrinatom into thinking it's uscer football and I
• 3:11:29
  Speaker 2: was the bad guys.
• 3:11:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, we do play each other in a few weeks,
• 3:11:33
  Speaker 1: so we might need to figure out offline here how
• 3:11:35
  Speaker 1: to get back to that game and then we can
• 3:11:37
  Speaker 1: posture up on the opposite side lines. Okay, duel it out.
• 3:11:40
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 3:11:41
  Speaker 1: We might have to try and make that happen.
• 3:11:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we will definitely have to have fun, some more
• 3:11:45
  Speaker 2: fun because I do have fun with George each year.
• 3:11:47
  Speaker 2: I used to have fun with the when he was
• 3:11:49
  Speaker 2: a teammate of mine, Brandon Sheriff, we'd have fun with
• 3:11:53
  Speaker 2: it every year too. But we'll come we can come up.
• 3:11:54
  Speaker 4: He was a stunt he and Yellen Trophy as well.
• 3:11:57
  Speaker 4: He's a stud.
• 3:11:58
  Speaker 2: Tackle that went to guard and he was a monster, bro,
• 3:12:01
  Speaker 2: Like hitting him thinking rich was not fun.
• 3:12:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's a good dude too. That's that's the cool part.
• 3:12:08
  Speaker 1: Like you guys, right, we played with all these people
• 3:12:10
  Speaker 1: and different people, but like they're just good dude. They're dudes. Right,
• 3:12:13
  Speaker 1: at the end of the day, we're all sitting here,
• 3:12:15
  Speaker 1: bs and right, and the dude's a dude.
• 3:12:19
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 3:12:19
  Speaker 1: There were savages, right, like some guys that were you know,
• 3:12:21
  Speaker 1: I grew up watching Kyle Turley of right, Like, I'm
• 3:12:24
  Speaker 1: sure you had somebody, but it was I want to
• 3:12:26
  Speaker 1: be Kyle Turley. Got a jersey made from you know,
• 3:12:29
  Speaker 1: with my name on the back but his number and
• 3:12:30
  Speaker 1: the Saints, Like I want what do you think the
• 3:12:32
  Speaker 1: hair came from? Right, Like yeah, dude ripping Telman off, Like, oh,
• 3:12:35
  Speaker 1: that's that's the type of player. That's who I want
• 3:12:38
  Speaker 1: to be, right, And then we all get together. I
• 3:12:40
  Speaker 1: met him, like, dude, you were my hero, Like, you know,
• 3:12:43
  Speaker 1: it's pretty cool.
• 3:12:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, thank you, bro, thank you big hug Seiny
• 3:12:47
  Speaker 2: Kisses Pastes podcast around, Leave comments and we will see
• 3:12:50
  Speaker 2: you next week. Next week,