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Single: Wanting to Mingle · The Living Freed Podcast

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Hey y 'all, I'm Hannah Liz, a coastal living,
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Jesus living, NC native, and this is the Living
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Free podcast, where we discuss intentionally
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living our lives to the fulls that God has intended,
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having those late night open heart friend combos,
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not letting others, ourselves, or ideas hold
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us down, allowing Jesus to free us of the chains
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that we didn't know we were holding onto. You
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can see the full show notes attached to this
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episode, and if you love this episode, please
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leave me a review. Hello, hello, and welcome
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back to another episode of the Living Freed podcast.
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What a time to be alive. The Knicks won the championship.
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I don't know anything about basketball if you
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can't tell, but it looked hyped. The Carolina
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Hurricanes won the Stanley Cup. That's my favorite
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hockey team. I love hockey and only if I'm watching
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it live, not on TV, but fully invested in my
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team. Love it. And I'm so pumped that they won.
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Raleigh's been going crazy. What a time to be
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alive. I wish I lived back in Raleigh just for
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this small moment and I'd come right back to
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Wilmington. And then the U .S. is hosting the
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World Cup series. And I know absolutely nothing
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about soccer, but it seems really exciting. It
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does. So, I'm pumped for everybody else that's
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involved and excited. I just like taking it all
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in and watching it unfold in front of my eyes.
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And honestly, when you're single, what's the
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worst time to have a bunch of foreign men in
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your country? Like, should I get back on the
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dating apps? I don't know. Maybe. Probably not.
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Actually, definitely not. There's no need for
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me to do that. More power to those who do. Speaking
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of... power. This whole episode is actually going
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to be about being single money to mingles. So
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I feel like we're sliding right into it. But
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before we do that, let me tell you what's been
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going on in my world. So last time we checked
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in was literally last week, and I haven't done
2:04
anything. Honestly, I don't live an interesting
2:07
life. I haven't lived an interesting life. My
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friend Kate invited me over for dinner. That
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was amazing. Y 'all knew I was going to that.
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I went to Raleigh the very next day and spent
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the weekend with my family and with the babies.
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And let me tell you, I'm a professional actor.
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I'm pretty sure the two year old thought I knew
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what he was saying and I had no clue what he
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was saying. Not a clue. Not a shot. But we had
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some solid conversations where he said a lot.
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And I said, yeah, wow, okay. And then he said
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a lot more after that. The baby baby obviously
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thinks he's talking to, and I don't have to put
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as much effort into talking to him. So it was
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great. And then me and my sister did a baby shower,
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beautiful, as you knew we were going to. But
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y 'all on the way to my mom's, picture this.
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First off. Wilmington to Raleigh is a two hour
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drive, okay? Just that, just two hours. I already
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had a full tank. I just replaced my tires three
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weeks ago now. So brand new tires, amazing. Cars
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driving like, I don't know how cars should drive,
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I guess. And I'm cruising. And then I thought,
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you know what? My tank's halfway empty. I should
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probably just go out and get gas just in case,
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because I don't know how much gas is in Raleigh,
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but I know at the halfway point it's still pretty
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cheap. So I filled up my gas and I thought, I
3:32
have to use the bathroom, but I don't want to
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use this bathroom. A gas station bathroom in
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the middle of Garner? No thank you. I'm okay.
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I'll hold it. I'm only like 40 minutes out from
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my mom's house. So I get back in the car. I'm
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flying down the highway, 540, and my tire blows.
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Straight -up blows going 65 miles an hour just
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blows. I don't know. I didn't see anything in
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the road So I don't think I hit anything but
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truthfully I'm just a girl What do I have to
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say? I was listening to my crime podcast. I could
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have been I could have hit something but I'm
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90 % sure I did not hit a thing How else would
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it blow? I don't know. I'm not a car person.
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So that's not my world. I have a pink collar
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job I'm not a blue, so I don't know anything
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about tires and I don't need to. Anyways, my
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mom and my brother -in -law come and fix the
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tire. I still really have to pee. I'm counting
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down the minutes to get to my mom's house. We
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get to her house. I use the bathroom. Me and
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my sister go to my new favorite coffee shop,
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as everyone knows, which is Summer Moon in Wake
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Forest. Let me tell you, if you're in that area,
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I'm obsessed. Summer Moon. best coffee in town
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truly best i could drink it black i can drink
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it with creamer i can drink it with flavors it
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is the best coffee in town if you've not and
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now you guys i know i know it's a franchise no
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one has to tell me it's a franchise but i'm pretty
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sure it's the only one in north carolina and
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i will hold on to that it's truly my favorite
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it goes summer moon now my coffee at home Probably
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them social in Wilmington social coffee is really
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good Everyone wants to go to Casablanca listen
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Casablanca is good, but the girls that work there
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are rude They're literally so rude and I could
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go at a whole rant about that, but I won't Casablanca
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has good coffee. I just don't like the people
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that work there So I don't go there if I don't
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have to except I did go Thursday with Nikki and
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Devin so there is that but my friends were there
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I had to show up What else would I do? You know?
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So there is that. That's the one time I've gone
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recently. Yeah. So you know what's out? Let me
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tell you what's out. Casablanca is out. The people
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that work at Casablanca, out. The energy and
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attitude at Casablanca, out. That's what's out.
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And today, what's in? Still talking about it.
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Summer Moon Coffee, the best. The girls are,
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you know what? The girls there complimented my
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dress. Okay, and then they complimented my hair
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and then I show them that my dress is actually
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a romper and where to get it because that's what
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girls do and then The next day I went back again
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because I have a problem But I brought my mom
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this time and they complimented something else
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again, and I love a compliment And I love summer
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moon and their coffee because we all know I was
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trying to wean off a coffee But when you're there
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you have to get the coffee. So yeah, that's what's
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out. That's what's in and that's what's out um
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anything i don't know i just went on a whole
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rant about that but yeah oh i go to florida next
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week yeah for the interview and to see my besties
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so wish me luck uh wish me the best and that
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god is in control of whatever i'm supposed to
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do with my future because i have no idea i have
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zero clue what i'm supposed to do with my future
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at this point as i'm sure a lot of people feel
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that way Most times unless you're married with
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kids then your whole future is your marriage
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and your kids Being single is rough with that
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actually, because like at least when you're married,
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you have an idea of like what y 'all are working
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towards as a team. When you're single, you're
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like, Oh, I could genuinely y 'all I was up at
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2am looking at jobs on olive farms in Italy the
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other night, because that's what I can do when
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you're single. Like how cool is that that I could
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do that, but at the same time, I have no one
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to keep me in check. So I genuinely could do
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anything. And then that's overwhelming. So then
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I want to do nothing. You know what I mean? Like
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that's that that is a hard part about being singles
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You don't have someone to make choices with you
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or like focus your choices around you're like
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Wow, I could go work on a dude ranch in, Wyoming
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I'm not gonna do that, but I could I Genuinely
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could what else could I do? I could I have my
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brain is blinking now But that those are my options.
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I could be a nomad in Hawaii. I could I could
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be a hairstylist in Wilmington, oh wait, I'm
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doing that right now. Anyways, so that's what's
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going on. Anyways, to speak more into that, let's
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dive into this week's episode. Here we are again.
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It probably feels like an exhausted topic that
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us Christian girls seem to not be able to stop
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talking about. But let's talk about being single
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anyways. But this time, let's focus on the wanting
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to mingle part. Last time we talked about singleness,
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we talked about how to enjoy it, how to produce,
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I can't speak anymore, how to produce fruit through
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it and what that looks like. I gave suggestions
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on hobbies and how to get comfortable in your
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own skin. But this time we're going to talk about
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a different side of singleness that every single
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one of us, I would say 99 % of Christian girls
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experience, which is the desire to mingle and
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get married. I just went to two out of five weddings
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for 2026 single. And the next three, I can almost
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definitely, probably 100 % guarantee I will be
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going to solo. as well. Listen, I've gone to
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weddings in the past, single, dating, engaged,
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and then single again. And as you get older,
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it doesn't necessarily get easier. You think
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you would get used to it, but you just don't.
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Now, when going to a wedding as a single person,
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there are two sides of this coin. One side, you
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are so excited for your friends. I mean, truly,
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with your whole entire heart, you are so excited
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for your friends. But the other side is you also
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devastatedly wish that was you. You do. You see
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them walking down the aisle and you go, wish
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that was me. You don't want their husband, trust
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me. But you're like, wish that was me. And the
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truth is, is you can be feeling both. You can
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be happy for your friends and sad for yourself.
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Just like we can still enjoy being single. You
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use your time. Well, do things your married friends
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can't when they are married or and if they have
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kids But at the same time you probably also wish
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you were married with a baby, too Like when you're
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single, it's great because you can sleep in but
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I'm also sure a small part of you would happily
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give up the sleeping in Part if it meant that
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you had your own little one to wake up to but
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not having to give up shopping for yourself is
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so Nice. And not planning a meal every single
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night of the week for our whole family is also
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so nice. Like, I hate having to even feed myself
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every single night. And sometimes I come home
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tired from work and I just don't eat because
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I can. Now, there is a part of us who wants our
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person to start the next stage of our life. To
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not be alone anymore or worry about dying alone.
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which was not a fear I had until a client brought
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it up to me that I should be worried about dying
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alone. And I thought, why would you introduce
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this fear to me? I'm too young to worry about
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this. But alas, apparently I'm not. Being single,
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especially if you're basically the only single
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friend in the whole friend group, gets really
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lonely. You all started off in this together,
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and now, well, it's just you. They go on double
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dates, your married friends want to hang out
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with other married people, and you're invited
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as the fifth or seventh wheel, but it feels like
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a pity invite. Now, don't get me wrong, don't
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get me wrong, we'll take the pity invite, but
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it still feels that way nonetheless. And you
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can't help but sit there and imagine what it
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would be like to be in the group with your own
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partner right next to you. You ache, you yearn,
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you dream of doing life with someone, creating
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a life with someone. So... Just like anything
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we do in insanity, we just keep trying to date.
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But dating has changed a lot, especially since
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COVID, I will say. I remember in 2019 and 2020,
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I was seeing two guys at once. I know, scandalous.
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I decided to move forward with one of them, wrong
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choice by the way, and then ended it to move
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to SoCal. But dating back then was fun. It was
12:41
easy. It was actually enjoyable. Now, not so
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much. You have to avoid the socially Christian
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guys, red -pilled men, and the boys whose parents
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forgot that they were raising future adults.
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It's exhausting. But you still keep trying. You
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keep putting yourself out there. Or if you're
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like me, you gave up and you put yourself on
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the top of the shelf and you're just watching
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the chaos go on around you. But you still can't
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help but wonder. Is it me? Am I the problem?
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And then again, you look at the chaos in the
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world around you and you realize, no, it's definitely
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not you. I personally have tried it all, y 'all.
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Meeting someone at a small group, out on the
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town, a dating app, speed dating events, you
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name it, I've done it. And it feels hopeless.
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But being single and wanting to mingle in this
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day and age, what does that even look like? They
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Whoever they is said that one out of four people
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in this generation will not end up getting married
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Low -key a scary thought But I want to remind
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you when you hear statistics like this that not
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everyone wants to get married like Genuinely
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ever so don't assume you will be the one when
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you might know the one already That has no desire
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to get married or have kids. They also say there's
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eight billion people in this world And you really
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think that you're the most special person in
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the world to never meet someone to marry? Probably
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not, babe. I hate to break it to you. I know.
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That's all I feel. Sometimes I'm like, wow, it's
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just me and it's always going to be just me.
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And then I'm like, if I'm willing to settle,
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there are 8 billion people on this earth. I probably
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could settle for someone. Anyways, how do we
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find someone in this day and age? Well, Jonathan
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Poluca, who I respect a lot, by the way, says
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to just run after Jesus, to serve in church,
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and look to your left or to your right and just
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marry the guy next to you. Honestly, that's not
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it. I tried that and then spent two years in
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therapy. Just because they go to church and serve
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doesn't actually mean they love Jesus, much less
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that they would be a good fit for you. I just
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can't help but feel though that it wasn't meant
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to be this way. They say we have a male loneliness
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epidemic, and I think they forget that we have
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a Christian girl loneliness epidemic as well,
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but the male loneliness one doesn't seem like
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they're lonely enough, because I see how they
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treat women, and they aren't treating us any
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better, and I don't know about you, but I refuse
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to lower my standards, even though I do think
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about it sometimes. Every once in a while I think
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about if the bar can go deeper than hell, but
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I do believe hell is the bottom. Recently though,
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I was talking to Jesus, as we all do. As I was
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leaving one of the weddings I was at, Loki crying
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in the car, but that is not the important part
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right now, so don't sit on that. I had just spent
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an amazing day at a beautiful wedding celebrating
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a very sweet couple. There were drinks and dancing
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and great food. You know, just the usual things
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at amazing weddings. So anyways... I'm driving
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home and just thought, why not me? Girl, I know
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you've had that thought. I said, am I not good
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enough? Am I not skinny enough? Am I ugly? And
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then I called my brother and I said, am I ugly?
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I went back to talking to Jesus and I said, have
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I not grown enough for you, Jesus? Are you just
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trying to keep me to yourself? Because that's
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hella selfish, if so. Like, don't you want to
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share me with someone great too and we can like
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be great together?" And then it hit me. I heard
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the Holy Spirit say, am I not a good father?
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Do I not give good gifts to my children? I was
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like, okay, well, all right, let's keep going.
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So then I said to him, am I not deserving of
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a good gift? Is marriage not a good gift for
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me? He said, is not my timing perfect? I was
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like, okay, okay, you right, you right, my B.
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You are a good father with good timing who gives
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good gifts. Sorry, I ever doubted it. I left
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that conversation and found a little bit of peace
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to hold on to after that. But it doesn't take
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away from the want that I feel and that's okay.
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If marriage is a good gift for you or me, wouldn't
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he give it to us in his timing? Here's the thing.
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The church did not set a singles up for success.
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In fact, it has failed us. Once you get to a
17:27
certain age, there's nowhere for you to go group
17:30
wise. You're not married or divorced, not a single
17:34
parent, and at some point you grow out of the
17:37
college and young adult group. If you grew up
17:39
in church culture, then you were basically raised
17:42
to be a wife. But then you look around and you
17:45
can't find a husband. The bar scene is a no -go.
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No one is striking up conversation with strangers
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anymore and it feels like the world just isn't
17:54
safe enough of a place for it anyways. Dating
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apps are treated like Sims games or online shopping.
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The team sport thing just isn't for everyone,
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even though some of us have tried and failed
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and speed dating events, one word, gross. So
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yeah, mingling isn't easy. Single and wanting
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to mingle? Definitely not easy. Single Christian?
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and mingling in hopes to meet someone to marry
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one day? Definitely not easy. But if you're single
18:26
and not even close to being in a relationship,
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look at how you're spending your time. Are you
18:31
the best version of yourself? If not, what are
18:34
you doing with your time? If yes, how can we
18:38
keep growing? You aren't just becoming the best
18:40
version of yourself for a future partner or your
18:44
future children, even though you are. You're
18:46
becoming the best version of yourself so that
18:48
you enjoy yourself and being by yourself in the
18:51
meantime. Girl, pick up a hobby. Do things you've
18:55
never done before. Enjoy your time. Don't wait
18:58
around for someone to just live life with. Live
19:01
life. Alright, now that I went on my little tangent,
19:04
let's get back to why I'm bringing this up. I
19:07
want to remind you of this thing. We have a good
19:10
father that gives good gifts. He wants to give
19:14
good gifts. He will not withhold a good gift
19:17
from you that is for you. Matthew 7 verse 7 through
19:21
11 says, Ask, and it will be given to you. Seek,
19:25
and you will find it. Knock, and it will be open
19:27
to you. For everyone who has asked receives,
19:30
and the one who seeks finds. And to the one who
19:33
knocks, it will be open. Or which of you, if
19:37
his son asks for bread, will give him a stone?
19:40
Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent?
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If you then, who are evil, know how to give good
19:46
gifts to your children, how much more will your
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Father who is in heaven give good things to those
19:52
who ask him? Ecclesiastes part A of this verse
19:55
says in chapter 3 verse 11 that says, He has
20:02
made everything beautiful in its time. Which
20:05
means He has divine timing. You can't rush it.
20:08
Do you rush a flower to grow? Probably not. because
20:12
it wouldn't get anywhere very far. No, for something
20:15
to be beautiful, it has to take its time. 2 Peter
20:19
chapter 3, 8 -9 says, But do not overlook this
20:23
one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day
20:27
is a thousand years, and a thousand years is
20:29
one day. The Lord is not slow to fulfill his
20:32
promise, as some count slowness, but is patient
20:36
towards you. This verse goes on to talk about
20:38
repentance, but we also see in this part that
20:41
we're talking about, it talks about promises.
20:44
That what feels like a delay is good timing from
20:47
a good Father to fulfill a promise. So, all I
20:51
can say with encouragement for you and for me
20:54
is, hold on to faith that He will give you a
20:58
good thing in His own divine timing. Let's pray.
21:02
Dear Jesus, I ask that you just give peace over
21:05
the girls who are struggling with singleness,
21:08
that you open their eyes to ways that we can
21:10
all grow, grow closer to you, grow to know ourselves,
21:15
that ways that we can produce fruit, ask that
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we continue to not just find peace in our singleness,
21:20
but we find joy in our singleness, and that we
21:23
have faith that you are a good father and a good
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gift giver and good in your timing and that you
21:29
will provide that which we are asking, that as
21:32
we knock, you will open that door, that you give
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good gifts, that you aren't giving us a stone
21:38
or a serpent, but that you show up and you show
21:42
up with love. Have them know your love, Lord,
21:47
and have faith that you will follow through.
21:50
In Jesus' name, your name, amen. Thanks so much
22:00
for listening to the Living Free podcast. I hope
22:03
that you enjoyed it. Let's stay connected. You
22:05
can message me or follow me on Instagram at Hannah
22:08
Liz D or you can email me at livingfreepod at
22:13
gmail .com. If you're loving the podcast, I'd
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be so honored if you'd go ahead and hit that
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subscribe button and leave me a review. And if
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you have any feedback or a subject you'd like
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me to cover, please go ahead and email me or
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DM me on Instagram. Again, thank you so much
22:29
for listening. I hope you feel encouraged and
22:31
lighter today. Bye, y 'all.