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Become Your Best Self with Joy, Purpose and a Mindset Shift · The Realtor Who Wines

• 0:00
  Welcome to the Realtor Who Wines podcast.
• 0:02
  I'm Rashelle Newmeyer, your hostess with the most as a student of life, a connector, a passionate wine enthusiast, and your local favorite guide.
• 0:10
  Join me as we explore the vibrant Pacific Northwest.
• 0:14
  Savor the finest wines and champion the spirit of entrepreneurship.
• 0:18
  Each episode, I'll sit down with inspiring guests, supporting business ownership and uncovering the stories that make this community unique.
• 0:25
  So grab a glass of wine, settle in, and let's embark on a journey of discovery and connection together. Cheers.
• 0:31
  Hi everyone.
• 0:32
  Welcome back to the realtor who whines.
• 0:34
  I'm Rachelle Neumeyer, your realtor who went.
• 0:36
  And today I have with me Dory's horn scene.
• 0:39
  Cheers to you.
• 0:41
  Thank you for being on.
• 0:42
  I am so happy. Thank you for inviting me.
• 0:47
  We're drinking a little bit of rose.
• 0:48
  Yeah.
• 0:49
  Rosé today just bumped the buck.
• 0:52
  For anyone that's listening, we have two resist put on the table, and I just bumped it.
• 0:56
  But we're drinking Renaissance from Willamette Valley today here in the Willamette Valley, area and Oregon.
• 1:03
  It's a Pinot noir rosé, which is delicious.
• 1:06
  But I want to talk about the bottle of wine you brought.
• 1:08
  Will you share a little bit about that?
• 1:10
  Yes, because I knew that we appreciate wine here.
• 1:13
  This wine is from Argentina.
• 1:15
  And what I love about this wine is the label on the top.
• 1:19
  Yeah. It's gorgeous. Right.
• 1:19
  And it's so fun.
• 1:22
  And what the label on the top is cheers in all sorts of languages.
• 1:26
  And one of the languages that I picked up quickly was the Hebrew, because I'm in Israeli.
• 1:31
  So I read Hebrew and it says Elohim, which means to life.
• 1:35
  Oh, that.
• 1:36
  Yeah.
• 1:37
  And I love that word to life in general.
• 1:39
  Maybe we can talk about that.
• 1:40
  But but that's how we cheers.
• 1:43
  We, we say to life because we value life.
• 1:45
  Yeah. We value living in this life.
• 1:48
  And how do you say it last LA home.
• 1:52
  Yes we did.
• 1:52
  There's a hug going on behind the sign.
• 1:55
  Yes okay.
• 1:56
  Yes. The Haim to you. To me.
• 1:57
  What?
• 2:00
  Well, thank you for bringing that.
• 2:02
  I appreciate it, of course.
• 2:02
  My gift to you.
• 2:05
  Thank you.
• 2:06
  Will you go ahead and introduce yourself to the listeners so they know who you are?
• 2:09
  Yes. So my name is Doris Orenstein.
• 2:12
  I grew up in Israel, came here to America, to Portland, Oregon in December with of 1986 with one suitcase, $600.
• 2:25
  No coat.
• 2:26
  Did not know it's going to be called in here.
• 2:28
  It's coming from the land of the sun and dry and no rain.
• 2:32
  And I made this place, this beautiful northwest home.
• 2:36
  My home. Yeah.
• 2:37
  And I've been here for almost 40 years.
• 2:41
  Met, got married, raised a family here, was in the education sector for over 30 years.
• 2:48
  And then in 2018 I decided that I wanted the world to be my classroom in my state.
• 2:55
  Yeah.
• 2:55
  And that's what brought me to you. Yes.
• 2:58
  You shine your light everywhere.
• 3:00
  I try to, I try to and I try to have people, other people see the light and to give them the flashlight so they can see the light to themselves.
• 3:09
  And then they light it to other people.
• 3:11
  You know, I'm just preparing right now a talk that I'm giving for the million Dollar round table. I'm flying on Sunday.
• 3:18
  It's called mDR-TB.
• 3:19
  So I'm going there and I talk about mental fitness, which is, my area of expertise.
• 3:26
  When I left the education world, I said to myself, you know, what do I want to do and talk about it?
• 3:32
  Yeah.
• 3:32
  And I realized that time and time again, I am more interested in developing leaders, in creating resilience, in showing anybody, any person, that they can be the champion in their own life.
• 3:45
  Yeah.
• 3:45
  And so get out of their own way and you know that.
• 3:48
  Yeah. So often we get inside our own heads.
• 3:52
  And so I found mental fitness and in particularly positive intelligence to be extremely important in this journey because until then I would tell people, that they should be positive and that they should have joy.
• 4:06
  And the benefits of joy.
• 4:08
  But then when I started to incorporate mental fitness into it, I found out that this is the way they get there, right?
• 4:16
  You know, that's the goal.
• 4:16
  But how do you get to the goal?
• 4:18
  And that's what, one of my talks is called Train Your Brain, where I actually literally change the neural pathways of someone's brain during the session.
• 4:27
  Yeah.
• 4:28
  I have referred to as a geologist because if you can hear or see, she radiates joy and positivity.
• 4:35
  But tell everybody like what your actual title is.
• 4:38
  Yes. So she has a legitimate title.
• 4:42
  That's not one I made up. Yeah, but I do love that.
• 4:45
  Yeah, I should put that in my, in my, you know, signature email.
• 4:49
  Yeah.
• 4:49
  But what I do right now is I put, I'm a resilient speaker and leadership speaker, but because I come from my tradition, being Jewish and knowing Hebrew, I always want to take that piece of me wherever I go.
• 5:04
  So in the past, when I work for the education sector I was working in, particularly in Jewish education, so I, my customers were all Jewish.
• 5:13
  But since 2018, when I left that world and made the world my classroom and my stage, I thought, okay, how do I retain that piece of me?
• 5:22
  Sure, and be true to who I am, or here I go.
• 5:25
  So I came up with joy to joy.
• 5:30
  And oil is when you have negative feelings and negative emotions.
• 5:34
  When things don't go well for you and joy is the opposite.
• 5:39
  And we know that we all have joy.
• 5:42
  And needless to say when you write joy is in there right there.
• 5:47
  Oh why is there.
• 5:49
  So life is we will face joy.
• 5:52
  The question is I call it the million dollar mindset is how do you then flip it and look for the opportunities even in the oil, right.
• 6:01
  Even when things are not lit up, even when you don't have the flashlight in your hand and you can be lighting your way too many people. Yeah.
• 6:07
  How do you still project and live the oil and the joy?
• 6:12
  And I also think that it's part of the energy that we all have.
• 6:15
  We come with particular energies that we sometimes are not aware of.
• 6:20
  Right.
• 6:20
  You know, we come with a negative energy.
• 6:22
  So how do you then change it and create a vortex of positivity?
• 6:26
  Right. Well, no, it's just your perspective too.
• 6:28
  Just changing your perspective.
• 6:30
  We, got delayed on the airplane recently where we sat on the tarmac for two hours and they were waiting to take off because of thunderstorms.
• 6:39
  And then also storms were going to be flying into.
• 6:42
  So not just like where we were, but where we are going.
• 6:44
  And so many people in the plane are getting so mad.
• 6:47
  And I was like, am I the only one that wants to arrive alive?
• 6:50
  Like, I'm fine, we can sit here all day.
• 6:52
  If you say it's not safe to fly a blessing to me.
• 6:55
  I would rather find out on the ground than be up in the air like we shouldn't have taken off.
• 7:00
  Yeah. So true. Yeah.
• 7:01
  From every obstacle, you can look at it as an opportunity for something else and have a gratitude.
• 7:08
  So you know we you talked about perspective.
• 7:09
  So the word for perspective in Hebrew is liquidating Shabbat which means a point of view.
• 7:15
  So when think about it, when you sit wherever you sit in an auditorium or on the plane, wherever you sit, you may have a different vantage point, but decide how do you look at something, a challenge is that come in your way, and how do you then normalize them?
• 7:32
  And then you says, what do I learn from here? Right.
• 7:34
  You know, do I look at myself as the victim or do I look at myself as that?
• 7:38
  This is a good that it happened because it's taught to me or it teaches me or it prevents me, or if it helps me in ABCd.
• 7:45
  Right.
• 7:46
  Well, and also just their impact on other people, like people in this airplane.
• 7:51
  Example, we're getting so mad at the flight attendants like they had anything to do with the storm or what was going on.
• 7:57
  I was just like, none of us.
• 7:58
  They're not excited to sit here for two hours either.
• 8:01
  Like, no one's celebrating this.
• 8:03
  But again, like, this might be a blessing.
• 8:05
  We could have found out too late and just been stuck in like a tornado.
• 8:08
  Storm? That's right.
• 8:09
  I'm happy not to be stuck in a tornado storm, so I'm just getting my pretzels and Mitchell.
• 8:16
  I love and.
• 8:17
  Yeah, today's only pretzels.
• 8:17
  Pretty much. Yeah.
• 8:20
  No, you don't get the full meal like you just do.
• 8:22
  Yeah, but I agree with you.
• 8:24
  Be happy with sometimes the joy that happens.
• 8:28
  Find the gratitude in those moments.
• 8:30
  Right. Because what's the alternative?
• 8:33
  Is alternative to be, kind of like a bag of misery walking by.
• 8:38
  Or is is when it doesn't change what's going on?
• 8:40
  Will not the opposite, you know?
• 8:42
  But here's what I think.
• 8:44
  I think it has to do with mental fitness and your level of mental fitness.
• 8:48
  Are you aware of how you allow yourself to feed your own thoughts?
• 8:55
  And so if you have a negative thoughts, you keep on feeding it with your own personality stuff?
• 8:59
  Or do you say to yourself, okay, am I happy right now?
• 9:02
  Is this is this adding to my happiness?
• 9:05
  Or is this detracting from my happiness?
• 9:07
  Yeah, well, and also having accountability, like I'll even call myself out, like sometimes like in the car if I'm getting, like, road rage, I'll be like, whoa, lady, get it together.
• 9:17
  Like you'll get there when you get there.
• 9:19
  Like sometimes you just even have to check yourself, you know?
• 9:21
  Awareness. Yeah. Like, yes.
• 9:24
  You know, I just read an article that 85% of people do not have self-awareness.
• 9:31
  I believe that you believe because you know what?
• 9:33
  I think most people, if you ask people, they'll say, oh, I'm totally self-aware.
• 9:38
  I'm totally.
• 9:39
  But 85% of us are not, right.
• 9:41
  So are you the one in denial of your own self?
• 9:45
  You know it honestly. You know what I did?
• 9:48
  I shared the article with my kids and I said to my kids, do you think I'm self-aware?
• 9:53
  I want to know because every person to themselves say, oh yeah, I'm self-aware.
• 9:57
  Yeah, it's give it to the people around you that are closest to you, that you trust that you can be vulnerable with and ask them, right?
• 10:05
  Am I self-aware?
• 10:07
  Do I have a blind spot that about me that I don't see it?
• 10:11
  And I think it takes courage to do that because it shows vulnerability and it tells you you're not perfect.
• 10:15
  Right?
• 10:18
  And I will be the first one to raise my hand.
• 10:21
  I am not perfect. Yeah.
• 10:22
  Me neither. And but can we be better?
• 10:24
  And I think we all can be better.
• 10:26
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 10:27
  Well, I, I would like to assume most people have some sort of self-awareness.
• 10:32
  I think it's just they don't realize what they don't realize, you know?
• 10:36
  So like, in their mind, they're like, well, I know I'm doing this, but it's like, but did you also know, do you know that you did X, y, Z has.
• 10:43
  Right.
• 10:43
  Do you know you may be angry or upset about something, but do you understand?
• 10:48
  Are you aware that when you show up you're, you know, talking about just physics, your quantum physics, your energy is out of your body, six feet?
• 11:00
  Do you understand what you bring into every meeting that you show up? That and we all have been in those meetings.
• 11:08
  When you come into a meeting and the energy's negative and it literally sucks the air out, right?
• 11:12
  You're afraid to talk.
• 11:13
  You're like, let me be quiet, you know, tiptoe to my corner and sit there.
• 11:18
  Or do you say to yourself, no, no, no, no, no.
• 11:20
  I come with a positive, strong mental focus.
• 11:23
  So let's say 0 to 10.
• 11:25
  I'm coming to a meeting and I'm plus seven.
• 11:27
  Okay? I'm not like, wait, cheerful, but I'm plus seven.
• 11:29
  Not that great.
• 11:30
  But then some people at the meeting are, let's say minus five.
• 11:34
  If they're strong in they're minus five, they'll take you down.
• 11:37
  Yeah.
• 11:38
  If you're not strong enough that day on your plus seven.
• 11:40
  Yeah, but if you're coming in, you're strong in your plus seven.
• 11:43
  What you will cause is the minus five will become maybe zero.
• 11:47
  You know, you bring them up a little.
• 11:48
  You may not be you. Yeah, but bring it up a little bit.
• 11:51
  And I think that's our tasks when we go places, especially leadership.
• 11:55
  Yeah.
• 11:55
  You know, you have to set the example of what you want to see.
• 11:59
  Yeah.
• 11:59
  The CEO of Coldwell Banker Professional Group, she always likes to use the analogy of the crab in the bucket, because I've just one crab is in a bucket in real life it'll get out.
• 12:08
  But a multiple crabs in our bucket all naturally pull them back down.
• 12:11
  And she's like, don't be a crab in someone's bucket.
• 12:13
  And so I use that now all the time.
• 12:15
  That analogy like, because they just naturally they're not even trying to keep you in the bucket, but they're like don't go.
• 12:21
  It's dangerous out there, kind of a thing.
• 12:23
  And the crabs will just naturally pull each other back into the bucket.
• 12:26
  But I'm only one crabs in the bucket.
• 12:28
  It gets out no problem.
• 12:30
  So sometimes we also need to be.
• 12:31
  If it's a crab or a frog, you know the story can come in different ways.
• 12:35
  Be a little death, right?
• 12:37
  Don't listen to all the naysayers about why you can't do something.
• 12:41
  And I think most people, they grow more, they succeed more, they accomplish more.
• 12:47
  If they're out of their own brain of why they can't write, but they are keep an open growth mindset because like, what is there to learn here?
• 12:56
  Yeah, well, and even if people don't mean to, sometimes when they see someone writing books and doing amazing things and traveling around the world, they will bring you down because it's something they want for themselves and they don't know it.
• 13:09
  So they'll be like, oh, they're serious writing another book.
• 13:12
  But really, they wish they had the audacity to write the book themselves.
• 13:16
  You know it, it does.
• 13:18
  Writing a book does take a lot of dedication and sacrifice.
• 13:22
  Totally.
• 13:23
  But, you know, it's really interesting, the word sacrifice, as I set out in my brain works like part of it is in Hebrew, part of it is in English.
• 13:29
  And I'm always like doing the training.
• 13:32
  Yeah, I'm always dual thinking. Yeah.
• 13:33
  And so the word for sacrifice in Hebrew comes from the root of being close to.
• 13:39
  So when you sacrifice to get something, you are in an essence coming closer to it.
• 13:45
  So yeah, I sacrifice hours or outings with girlfriend to bring this to reality, but it brings me closer to my goal.
• 13:54
  Yeah, it brings me closer to where I feel that I can most contribute to the world is through this. Yeah.
• 14:00
  So this is your second book.
• 14:03
  Do you want to talk a little bit about moments of the heart, your first book, and then let's dive in to this one.
• 14:09
  Yes yes, yes.
• 14:10
  Okay.
• 14:10
  So my first book, it was 2015 when my sister was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer, and she was ten years older than I am.
• 14:21
  And at the time she was about 38 years old and and she had to go through like 16 rounds of radiation.
• 14:29
  And it was really difficult.
• 14:31
  And she lives in Israel and I live in Portland, Oregon.
• 14:34
  10,000 miles away. Right.
• 14:36
  So what what can a person do?
• 14:38
  Like, I can't get on a plane every time she has a chemotherapy appointment or so.
• 14:43
  I decided that every Saturday night I will put a positive message, a video on Facebook, and Saturday night I put it, which for Israel is Sunday morning, the beginning of the week, and she'll have some kind of a positive vibe for the rest of the week.
• 15:00
  And then the following Saturday that was the idea.
• 15:03
  So I did it for a whole year, and then when the year was done, I thought to myself, okay, what should I do with all these videos?
• 15:08
  Right now I have all these videos and I thought, still not thinking about the book.
• 15:12
  I thought, I'll just write it out and just have manuscripts of all this, whatever I said, because maybe one day I'll do something.
• 15:20
  Yeah.
• 15:20
  And so it took me another year to do that because I was working full time as an education director.
• 15:26
  So then another you go by and I remember one night I was sitting with all these papers and I said, okay, I'm going to make this a book, but what am I going to call it?
• 15:34
  Like, what is it about math and reading all what I said it came to be everything was about relationships, everything was about relate of some form and and so and then I called those video.
• 15:48
  I said left moments, left meaning heart.
• 15:51
  It was a moment of my heart opened up to tell my sister all sorts of things to lift her up. Right.
• 15:57
  Little did I know that it had impact on so many other people who are so happened to listen to these videos, which still are still there on Facebook all these years ago?
• 16:07
  Yeah, I'm not taking them out because why would I, you know, so it's still there.
• 16:11
  And so my husband came one time into my office with all these papers everywhere.
• 16:16
  And I said to him, honey, how do I split this up?
• 16:19
  Like and he said, well, you called your your videos live moment.
• 16:23
  The heart has four chambers.
• 16:25
  Talk about divided to four.
• 16:28
  And that's how the book was formed.
• 16:30
  Moments of the heart for relationships.
• 16:33
  Everybody should have to live wholeheartedly.
• 16:36
  And and I have a talk that is based on those four relationships.
• 16:41
  And, and that came out literally on the cusp of Covid on in March of 2020.
• 16:47
  Yeah, yeah.
• 16:49
  You know, I thought to myself, I'll have time.
• 16:51
  I'll, you know, go and travel around the world, promote it and promote it and all this.
• 16:55
  But it didn't happen.
• 16:56
  But still, people know about it, wherever I go speaking, at 2019 and until.
• 17:03
  And now I take my books with me.
• 17:06
  I sell my books.
• 17:07
  I have different groups.
• 17:09
  Buy my book in advance.
• 17:09
  It's really lovely. Yeah.
• 17:11
  And now I have something else to, supplement that, because the moment of the heart was positive.
• 17:17
  Living from my lens of Jewish education.
• 17:21
  So. And but it's appropriate to any human being who wants to live in a positive vortex.
• 17:27
  And then I started going into positive intelligence in 2020 when the world shut down, I said to myself, oh my God, what I'm going to do now, pivoting, reframing.
• 17:38
  Right.
• 17:38
  That's the that was the key of success back then said, how do you pivot and do something else that contributes to your growth?
• 17:47
  Right.
• 17:47
  And I decided I'll do, the positive intelligence, program.
• 17:52
  And from that I decided I'm going to continue and become a coach.
• 17:56
  And then from there I said, you know, I'm going to be an expert in this because.
• 17:59
  Absolutely.
• 18:00
  Because positive intelligence supplemented in, in a neuroscience way.
• 18:05
  What I talked about in my first book about how to live in a positive life.
• 18:09
  So this was was to do to live in positive life.
• 18:14
  Mental fitness was how do I get there?
• 18:16
  How do I change my brain, how do I look at things differently?
• 18:19
  And it supplemented it so well.
• 18:22
  But I realized that it has to do with choices that we take.
• 18:25
  You know, you can either choose to do it or choose not to do it.
• 18:28
  Right?
• 18:28
  So when Covid happens and I did the mental fitness and all this, I realized how important choosing is.
• 18:37
  And I and I saw how we were all me included.
• 18:40
  The times got paralyzed with fear about should I simple things.
• 18:45
  Should I put a mask on?
• 18:45
  Should I go to the grocery store?
• 18:48
  Should I get this?
• 18:49
  Should I get another?
• 18:50
  You know, immunization?
• 18:53
  What should I do? Right.
• 18:54
  And and it took me on all trajectory of just the concept of choosing.
• 18:59
  Right. And that's how this book was born.
• 19:02
  Well, in your first book as currently available on Amazon, right.
• 19:05
  Anyone.
• 19:06
  But this one is not available yet because it's brand new.
• 19:08
  It's brand new.
• 19:09
  It just came it's a it's available on my website okay.
• 19:13
  In that com it is there and you can get a personalized copy which this is for you.
• 19:17
  Yeah. Thank you.
• 19:18
  But yeah in October, October 14th it's going to be on Amazon on Barnes and Noble.
• 19:25
  And I hope that that day, we will make it like a big celebration.
• 19:30
  Yeah. A bestseller.
• 19:32
  And it will be like everybody will just be flocking to get.
• 19:35
  Yeah, because it's good for leadership.
• 19:37
  It's good for companies.
• 19:39
  It's it's combining my expertise in mental fitness, my life stories about how do you move forward in a way that is positive.
• 19:49
  And it has a workbook that comes along with it.
• 19:51
  With a QR code, you download a workbook either digitally, or you can print it out and write out everything.
• 19:58
  It's pretty encompassing, and it uses all my coaching and all my questions that I have people, ask me throughout the years.
• 20:07
  Yeah, in this book, talk about coaching a little bit, like, how does someone get in touch with you for coaching or what kind of coaching do you offer?
• 20:14
  So I do leadership coaching.
• 20:17
  I do mental fitness coaching.
• 20:18
  So if somebody comes to me and they don't know how to move in their leadership level, you know, their manager, they want to be director.
• 20:27
  Some people I have some people.
• 20:29
  Here's the truth.
• 20:30
  Do you want to hear the honest truth?
• 20:30
  Absolutely.
• 20:32
  It always boils down to start on the personal level.
• 20:37
  Yeah, I have not.
• 20:38
  One time I had a client that only spoke to me on a professional level.
• 20:44
  It's always something that happens earlier on in their life, something that happens with their families and behavioral pattern patterns that they find themselves over and over again dealing with the same thing.
• 20:57
  Yeah.
• 20:58
  And through my questions, through the positive intelligence assessment, through value assessment that they bring through sometimes three 60s, did I ask people around them what they think?
• 21:08
  And sometimes I do 360 with them in older levels of their life, because when somebody comes to me only for their work, I want to ask them, how is how do they care?
• 21:19
  They take care of their health, of their finances, of their spiritual life, of their community, because it's never is in isolation.
• 21:27
  It's always dripping to other areas of life.
• 21:31
  And so when we have all of this together, then we can move on to what makes you not only happy, but satisfied, joyful and productive in your own life.
• 21:44
  Well, I think that goes back to the self-awareness piece.
• 21:46
  If you can acknowledge what made you be like a people pleaser or to have imposter syndrome.
• 21:52
  Yeah, but certain things, once you can acknowledge that, accept it, you can overcome it and then move forward with like the things that you're talking about.
• 22:02
  I cannot agree with you more.
• 22:04
  It's that knowing and owning who you are in it, doesn't it?
• 22:11
  I'm not saying that we should say, oh my God, I'm so bad.
• 22:13
  I'm horrible. No, no, no.
• 22:15
  We at the same time love ourselves unconditionally.
• 22:18
  Yeah.
• 22:20
  With all of our shortcomings.
• 22:22
  We're human.
• 22:23
  You know, if you if you were and I do, I do bring it in my talks.
• 22:28
  But when we do self assessment and I say to people, if you don't score high on one or 2 or 3 of these particular saboteurs, you mentioned the pleaser or we have a hyper achiever, avoider wrestler, you know, controller and so on.
• 22:43
  Yeah.
• 22:44
  If you do not have any saboteurs, that means two things.
• 22:47
  Either you're in denial and you're not aware, right?
• 22:51
  Or you are on a beach, you know, somewhere in Florida, Miami or Hawaii having a tequila.
• 22:58
  Like I don't have a problem, right?
• 23:00
  Or life is not an option.
• 23:01
  I'm going to be a third option, or you're truly an angel, like so happened to roam through this earth.
• 23:07
  Landed right here in my spirit.
• 23:09
  Just happened to take this test.
• 23:12
  And we know that's not happened.
• 23:13
  Yeah, most of us score on, you know, above five, above six on some saboteurs.
• 23:19
  And then it's.
• 23:21
  Are these saboteurs really reflecting on you.
• 23:24
  Yeah.
• 23:24
  And and what is the cost that you're paying for not being aware or letting it continue?
• 23:30
  You know, how is it affecting your well-being, your sense of happiness or your or your relationship with other people or your productivity?
• 23:39
  Yeah, it always happens in one of those three areas.
• 23:42
  Yeah, always.
• 23:42
  Always I until I took a test and this is probably ten years ago, I didn't even realize I was a people pleaser.
• 23:49
  And then I was reading the description of it and I was like, well, yeah, I do that.
• 23:53
  Yeah, I do do that.
• 23:54
  And then I was like, I'm a people pleaser.
• 23:57
  I just thought I was providing great service and like being thoughtful and accommodating, but really it was people pleaser.
• 24:03
  But here's the thing what's the difference between all of the things I take care of people like what is the difference?
• 24:09
  The difference is that your strengths are used and abused to the extreme.
• 24:14
  It's good to be taking care of people and loving people and wanting to do something nice for other people.
• 24:20
  It's a good thing.
• 24:21
  The problem, quote unquote, starts when you of taking that strength of yours so far that you now are feeling negative emotions about doing that.
• 24:32
  Oh, so you feel the resentment and you feel like, why?
• 24:36
  Why is nobody doing it for me?
• 24:38
  Like, why am I always be the one doing that?
• 24:41
  Like that's when I get declined.
• 24:42
  They're saying, yeah, you know, we're tired, we're resentful, we shove things under the carpet, and now the carpet has risen and we cannot the very lucky.
• 24:51
  It's a very lumpy carpet. It's a very lumpy go dish.
• 24:53
  And we don't want that anymore.
• 24:55
  Yeah.
• 24:56
  Well, and that was like, for me, I realized then like, oh, I can't say no to stuff like I was always saying yes.
• 25:03
  Everything like, oh, you need a volunteer. Yes.
• 25:05
  Oh you need this. Yes.
• 25:06
  Oh yes.
• 25:06
  And like my schedule is still jam packed, but now it's like on my terms, not everybody else's.
• 25:13
  So how do you lift and shift yourself from being that pleaser that has this negative emotions to saying yes to the things that you want to?
• 25:22
  Yeah.
• 25:23
  Well, I think for me now is choosing things with purpose and not saying yes to everything and knowing that it's okay to not say yes because also showing up 100% like, oh, I could volunteer at that, but then I'm going to be tired and I won't be a great volunteer.
• 25:39
  So instead of doing three things, I'm going to choose two.
• 25:41
  Yeah.
• 25:42
  And that way I'm a great volunteer at two things versus a half assed tired volunteer at three.
• 25:47
  And and off.
• 25:48
  I think you're absolutely right.
• 25:49
  And ask yourself, why am I doing this?
• 25:53
  Yeah, right. Just as simple as that.
• 25:55
  And here's what I learned.
• 25:56
  A tip that helped me so much is ask myself why am I doing this five times?
• 26:03
  So whatever answer I get I said, and why is that.
• 26:07
  You know, it's like the first because the first why will give you the surface and.
• 26:10
  Sure. Right.
• 26:11
  And then you go deep down and why that.
• 26:14
  And then you answer and then why that.
• 26:15
  And and until you come to the really the nugget of why are you doing this?
• 26:20
  And then you can discern, am I doing this for the right reason for me, or should I or should this be on hold?
• 26:26
  It's not that is that important, but maybe somebody else can do that.
• 26:31
  And I think you're absolutely right.
• 26:33
  Yeah, I, I just, I'm now officially the first day of this recording.
• 26:39
  The incoming president for National Speaker Association.
• 26:41
  Oh. You are.
• 26:42
  Congratulations. I didn't know that.
• 26:44
  Thank you.
• 26:46
  I had to sit with myself and ask myself, why do I want to do that?
• 26:52
  Right?
• 26:52
  You know, why do I want to be eventually, come 20, 26, July 1st or June, whatever, I'm going to be the president of National Speaker Association of Oregon.
• 27:03
  Why why do I want to do this and why now?
• 27:07
  Right, right.
• 27:07
  Because I could do it before.
• 27:09
  Why now? Yeah.
• 27:10
  And so I the way I thought about things, I think it's very healthy that you are not jumping and reacting into something and grabbing something.
• 27:19
  Yeah, I'll do that.
• 27:20
  I'll do that.
• 27:20
  Yeah, but you reflect in a meaningful way.
• 27:24
  You do your breathing.
• 27:26
  What I call peak don't don't answer out of the left side of your brain.
• 27:30
  Answer out of curiosity, but also wisdom, also purpose what is really meaningful to you.
• 27:37
  And then and then see if that's the right time and the right position to be held.
• 27:42
  Yeah.
• 27:43
  And so I decided that it's the right time to the my bottom line and after five whys was I really wanted to help our community rise with the level and speakers in this community and bring more speakers that are amazing, that just need a little bit more push, a little bit more camaraderie, a little bit more education, a little bit more success.
• 28:08
  Sure.
• 28:08
  And I think that's where I am in for.
• 28:11
  Yeah, in my years.
• 28:12
  Talk about speaking.
• 28:14
  You speak all the time at different types of conferences or different industries and things like that.
• 28:19
  Will you dive into that a little bit?
• 28:20
  Well, so when I started coming from the education world, I thought to myself, who is going to listen to me, right?
• 28:27
  Who is my audience?
• 28:27
  I don't know who will listen to me. Yeah.
• 28:30
  And at the beginning you go where your friends are, and then those friends start by telling you, oh, why don't you come to my, real estate group and talk to my real estate group?
• 28:42
  Yeah. Who?
• 28:42
  Who to do that? That's where. That's.
• 28:45
  That's right.
• 28:46
  Yeah. You know, it was other people.
• 28:48
  But then you asked me to come to speak for them.
• 28:50
  You met me when?
• 28:52
  In women to women networking. Yes.
• 28:54
  And it's a beautiful group of women.
• 28:56
  And you listen to me giving a 12 minute talk. Yeah.
• 28:59
  And from that 12 minute talk, you said, why don't you come and do a whole hour for me on that topic?
• 29:03
  Yeah, well, because one, I'm not a morning person and you were the morning talker.
• 29:08
  And as you can hear and see it, she radiates energy and positivity and joy.
• 29:13
  And I was like, and real estate has been up and down and kind of chaotic.
• 29:17
  Even in 2020 when real estate was booming.
• 29:19
  Like people are making money because interest rates are down.
• 29:22
  It was still chaotic.
• 29:22
  It was still draining.
• 29:24
  It was still like I wrote offers for some couples, like 18 times because there was just bidding wars nonstop.
• 29:30
  So like there was business, but it was chaotic.
• 29:32
  And when I met you, you were just talking about overcoming negativity, seeing the positive light.
• 29:38
  And I thought, you know, I really think the Women's Council of Realtor Girls could benefit from this.
• 29:44
  And it woke me up.
• 29:45
  I was ready for the day after that. Tacos.
• 29:45
  Like, here we go, here we go.
• 29:48
  So you were at the keynote speaker in the morning before the whole conference kicked off.
• 29:53
  It was like a VIP breakfast that I was at that you were talking about.
• 29:57
  And I just thought, oh, I need to have her around more.
• 30:00
  And I wanted to, like, share you with others.
• 30:03
  I love that, but you see, that put me on a different trajectory of real estate because that brought me into crew real estate, commercial real estate.
• 30:13
  And then it brought me into and so on.
• 30:17
  And when you've spoken for WCR in Florida, like you've traveled all over. Yes.
• 30:21
  And leadership in Florida. Yes.
• 30:24
  It was just amazing way of advancing myself.
• 30:27
  And because I love real estate in general.
• 30:31
  Yeah, I create this in June.
• 30:34
  In January of 2026.
• 30:36
  Yeah, we're doing a choose to cruise based on this book.
• 30:40
  Really.
• 30:41
  That's was the impetus that started the idea of having a cruise that deals with self development.
• 30:47
  And how do we make choices and how do we advance women and people in real estate.
• 30:52
  So if you are in in this area and want to hear more about it, it's on my website.
• 30:57
  The resources in that com, you can also reach out to me about it.
• 30:59
  Yes. Because I you're been so helpful and you're just like a beacon of light.
• 31:05
  They're a beacon of light.
• 31:05
  Yes. You're going to be there.
• 31:08
  I'm trying to figure out how we do a podcast episode from the cruise ship.
• 31:11
  I think that'd be cool.
• 31:12
  That would be cool. Yeah, like, I love that.
• 31:15
  I love that cooking good ideas.
• 31:15
  I love that, I love that.
• 31:18
  So, you know, so that put me so my my crowd real estate is my crowd.
• 31:23
  Sherm and all sorts of H.R.
• 31:26
  I start working with energy like BPA.
• 31:29
  I was working for them, doing workshops because I could do one hour of motivational or train your brain.
• 31:36
  Or how do you achieve your goals, or how to be a champion in your own life, or resilient?
• 31:42
  And then for every talk that I give, I have an hour and a half to five hours workshop that we really delve in with worksheets and group talks.
• 31:52
  Yeah.
• 31:52
  And so so it's a lot of times you do the group talks for like the leadership team and how to.
• 31:58
  So like if it was a corporate company you would do a talk to the whole corporation and then do a leadership workshop and like how to implement what they heard in the talk and take it back to the teams and develop leaders within the teams and things like that.
• 32:13
  100%.
• 32:14
  And, and I could also do nonprofit like boards, like if you are on the board of an association.
• 32:20
  Yeah.
• 32:21
  And I do team building with the board and, and have them take their vision and their values.
• 32:27
  And how do they communicate with one another. Yeah.
• 32:29
  To the rest of the organization.
• 32:31
  Yeah.
• 32:32
  I want some of the stuff you do too is like again, the self awareness stuff, like knowing what your saboteurs are and like how do you then realize that when you're working with somebody like, oh, my people pleasing or am I taking direction, you know, things.
• 32:47
  Yeah, it's a three levels.
• 32:48
  It's own you. Yeah.
• 32:50
  And then as a leader know them whoever them is your team.
• 32:54
  And the third part, which is as important as the first two is ignite and inspire them.
• 33:00
  Yeah.
• 33:01
  It's a leaders job, is not to do the work for everybody is to ignite and inspire them so that they rise up.
• 33:08
  Because what do we want as leaders?
• 33:10
  And I've been a leader for 30 years in education, right, is to create more leaders. Yeah.
• 33:14
  And you can't create more leaders if you tell them what to do every step of the way.
• 33:18
  But when you let go and you allow them to come into being the amazing champions that they can be in their own life.
• 33:25
  Yeah, I learned that early.
• 33:27
  I was a corporate kid before I became a real estate kid, and, someone a mentor of mine when I was in corporate America.
• 33:34
  He's he said that to me one time.
• 33:35
  He was like, you're awesome. Like, you do amazing work.
• 33:38
  Imagine if you could create five of you, how much work would get done?
• 33:42
  And that just, like, changed my perspective because I was having a hard time letting go of control like, oh, I'll just do it. I'll just do it.
• 33:48
  I'll just do it.
• 33:48
  I'll just do it because I wanted to make sure it got done right.
• 33:51
  It got done fast, got done, you know, to the, requirements or expectations of upper management.
• 33:56
  And when he said that to me, I was like, oh yeah, dang, we would do way more work.
• 34:01
  And I was like in my early 20s when he said that.
• 34:03
  But it just like opened my mind to so much more.
• 34:05
  And I've always thought that now going forward, like how much more could be accomplished if we taught others to do what we're doing?
• 34:12
  I want to cheer you.
• 34:14
  Thank you.
• 34:15
  Cause you are the ultimate, you know, self-aware and then having a growth mindset of how I can be better or and how me being better creates a better environment.
• 34:27
  And that's, I think, is the beautiful thing.
• 34:29
  So cheers to that.
• 34:32
  Thank you. Yes.
• 34:36
  Now you mentioned a few industries that you do speaking gigs and stuff, but you're open to talking.
• 34:41
  And I mean I mean everything we've talked about today can apply to anyone in business.
• 34:46
  Oh yeah, not in my book.
• 34:47
  A lot of it's about personal development, not just professional. Yes.
• 34:51
  I just invited to, next day.
• 34:54
  Already booked me for 2026.
• 34:56
  It's orthodontist convention.
• 34:58
  Yeah. See, I mean, I must have a great smile.
• 35:00
  Yeah. Yes. Yeah.
• 35:02
  So, like, we'll have her. Yes.
• 35:05
  No. Absolutely.
• 35:06
  Because all of the things you're talking about can apply to, like, your business life, your professional life, your personal life, your home life, your family life.
• 35:14
  You've even done coaching with like, couples before and things like that.
• 35:18
  And workshops to just help, like identify trouble spots.
• 35:21
  Are you still doing that?
• 35:22
  I had, I have I don't have as much time to do that, but I had a family of four, two kids in one in college.
• 35:30
  One is post college mom and dad, and all of them are in eight week coaching sessions with me understanding how they now going to go through life being a for adults.
• 35:42
  Yeah, no, it's not a no more kids, it's adults.
• 35:46
  It was a pleasure. Yeah, it was fun.
• 35:48
  It was fun. Yeah.
• 35:48
  But I'm open to any coaching.
• 35:50
  But most important, my passion.
• 35:52
  Right?
• 35:53
  Choosing choosing my passion is to deliver just thought provoking keynotes and inspirational keynotes to anybody that wants to bring a caliber like me to their audiences.
• 36:09
  Absolutely.
• 36:09
  Yeah.
• 36:09
  That's my first love and my first passion.
• 36:12
  And I think that's why God, back in the day said to me, there is live the education world and make this your classroom and your stage.
• 36:21
  And, and I think we all have to always connect with our bigger purpose.
• 36:27
  And for me, it's serving people and helping them lift the the noise in their life and lean into the joy and the possibility and understand that they are champions in their own life.
• 36:41
  Yeah.
• 36:41
  And walk through the world feeling like a champion.
• 36:45
  Imagine if everybody felt that they were walking like a champion, but they realized at the same time that everybody else is a champion, right?
• 36:53
  What does he do to society? Right.
• 36:55
  I think it would lift us all up with so much more appreciation to what other people have to bring.
• 37:03
  The world will be so much better.
• 37:04
  The world will be filled with flashlights.
• 37:06
  Oh my gosh.
• 37:07
  Well, or even just slap positive note.
• 37:10
  Like, if you could just change the always to joy right?
• 37:14
  When you're walking around.
• 37:15
  Like, if everybody was doing that. Yes.
• 37:18
  Because you have a choice then you this is this book.
• 37:21
  You have a choice.
• 37:21
  And it's through this book.
• 37:23
  I actually take you through a six step playbook to become your best self, to become that champion.
• 37:30
  And I show you how it can be done.
• 37:32
  And I give examples for myself.
• 37:33
  There is some stories that you don't know yet about me in this book.
• 37:37
  Yeah, yeah.
• 37:38
  Some stories that you will say, I did not know that about you.
• 37:41
  There is like, yep.
• 37:42
  So I'm vulnerable in this book and, and I share and I share things from with the purpose of helping people to step out a little bit into the uncomfortable zone and to say, well, if Doris did that, so can we.
• 37:55
  Yeah.
• 37:56
  For those that are listening and not watching, do you want to give them the title of the book?
• 38:00
  Yeah, it's called Choose to Be Your Own Champion.
• 38:05
  Yeah.
• 38:05
  The six step playbook to become your best self.
• 38:08
  And you can find it on my website, Doris Hornstein, until October.
• 38:13
  And then you can find it on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
• 38:16
  And so yeah, get this because I would love to hear what you think of us.
• 38:21
  Yeah. And, if someone wanted to know where you're speaking, as I also on your website, where I'm speaking.
• 38:29
  No, because I don't put my calendar on my website.
• 38:31
  You just need cluttering.
• 38:33
  But you can definitely follow me on LinkedIn.
• 38:36
  That will tell you where I'm going.
• 38:38
  Yeah. All the time. Yes.
• 38:39
  And I have someone wanted to book you for speaking on my website.
• 38:42
  There's a buttons book.
• 38:43
  Doris, send me an email and fill out the form and call you within 24 hours.
• 38:48
  Perfect. Yeah.
• 38:49
  Thank you so much for bringing this bottle.
• 38:51
  I love that it says cheers on all the different languages I know myself, and I know I'm not going to open it because I love it so much.
• 38:58
  It's going to like sit on my desk.
• 39:00
  Well, I have to buy you another one.
• 39:01
  Did you open and eat? Drink?
• 39:02
  Oh my gosh. And I will make that happen.
• 39:04
  I just love it and I appreciate you so much.
• 39:06
  Thank you.
• 39:08
  Cheers. Life.
• 39:09
  Yes. Cheers to life.
• 39:11
  And for everyone listening, take it.
• 39:13
  Put the joy in the air or take the oil out of the joy.
• 39:16
  How would you say it?
• 39:17
  I would say live the joy.
• 39:18
  Even when there is an oil in it. Yes.
• 39:18
  Do that.
• 39:21
  Here you go.
• 39:22
  Thank you.
• 39:23
  Hopefully you'll be back next week. Cheers.