Latest / Inspirations for Your Life / When Every Choice Feels Wrong, Do This (S5) S35:E4 Tuesday

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When Every Choice Feels Wrong, Do This (S5) S35:E4 Tuesday · Inspirations for Your Life

• 0:24
  Well there, hello everyone and welcome to, yes,
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  the ever-popular Inspirations for Your Life show.
• 0:31
  Thanks so much for tuning in, in case
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  you're wondering, today is Tuesday.
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  It is August 25th and it is so
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  great to be with everybody.
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  If this is your very first time joining
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  me, I want to take the opportunity to
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  say welcome and, of course, I want to
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  say thank you.
• 0:49
  Thank you.
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  Have you been here one time, five times,
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  ten, a hundred or more, or maybe you
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  lost track of the count.
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  That's okay.
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  I like to say thank you and welcome,
• 1:01
  but I also like to say the words
• 1:02
  welcome back.
• 1:04
  Yes, welcome back.
• 1:07
  So I have my decaf tea here, by
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  the way, nice and hot, and I also
• 1:13
  have some RO water here.
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  Really, really good.
• 1:20
  So let's get into the show here, but
• 1:22
  don't forget to check out BelieveMeAchieve.com after
• 1:25
  the show for more of my amazing, of
• 1:26
  course, inspiring creations.
• 1:29
  All right guys, let's kick this show off,
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  shall we?
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  All right, we'll do it.
• 1:34
  So become someone your future self can depend
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  on.
• 1:39
  That is our weekly master topic, series five,
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  show 35 is where we're at.
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  And so when every choice feels wrong, do
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  this, series five, show 35.
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  We're on episode four, and again, this is
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  a Tuesday, and welcome once again to the
• 1:55
  ever-popular inspirations for your life show.
• 1:58
  I am John C.
• 2:00
  Morley.
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  I am a serial entrepreneur.
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  I'm an engineer, marketing specialist, video producer, podcast
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  host, coach, keynote speaker, graduate student at Montclair
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  State University, passionate lifelong learner, and so grateful
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  now to be a published author.
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  Our master weekly topic is become someone your
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  future self can depend on.
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  And today I'm getting into something very few
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  of us are not going to face, which
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  is everybody.
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  What do you do when every choice feels
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  wrong?
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  You've researched it, you thought about it, you
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  talk to people about it, you run through
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  the possibilities again and again and again, and
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  you still are thinking, I don't know what
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  the right answer is.
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  Here's the first thing to do.
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  Understand sometimes there isn't a perfect answer.
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  There's only the perfect decision you can make
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  with the information you have at hand.
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  Experience the judgment and circumstances you have right
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  now.
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  That's what we're unpacking today.
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  Except that the same things are not the
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  same.
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  And some answers will take time.
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  Not every problem needs solving immediately.
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  New information needs to surface.
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  Emotions need to settle.
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  Sometimes you just need distance to see things
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  a little differently and gain a little different
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  perspective.
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  Stop demanding certainty before deciding if you require
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  100% certainty.
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  You may spend your life waiting.
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  Strong decision makers know when they have enough
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  information to move responsibly.
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  I think that's the key.
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  Knowing when you have that.
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  I have some RO water here too, by
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  the way, guys, with some fresh lemon.
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  Know what information actually matters.
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  More information isn't automatically better information.
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  Ask what facts could actually change your decision.
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  Separate evidence from emotion.
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  I think that's something, again, that a lot
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  of people in life, I think they miss
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  it.
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  I don't think they mean to miss it,
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  but they get stuck in this doldrum of
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  confusion.
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  Feelings matter, guys, but they aren't interchangeable with
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  evidence.
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  Know which one you're working with from the
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  get-go.
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  Don't confuse confidence with correctness.
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  Somebody can sound certain and still be 100
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  % wrong.
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  That includes each one of us.
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  Confidence is a feeling.
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  Correctness requires evidence.
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  I think that's important for all of us
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  to realize.
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  Confidence is a feeling.
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  Correctness requires evidence.
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  Look beyond the obvious answer.
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  Ask whether you're choosing something because it's genuinely
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  strongest or simply the easiest to see.
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  Ask what you may be missing.
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  This is one of my favorite questions.
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  It creates room for a level of curiosity,
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  another option, unconsidered information, a hidden assumption, perhaps.
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  But do you greet these things with an
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  open heart and open spirit?
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  Or do you say, you know what, I'm
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  going to get what I want, and if
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  something's in my way, I'm just going to
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  knock it aside.
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  But I'm not going to learn the lessons.
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  You've got to learn the lesson.
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  You've got to learn the lesson.
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  If you don't learn the lesson, I think
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  that's a very, very big problem.
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  That's important.
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  I think some people just don't get it
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  because they don't want to get it.
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  That's the trick.
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  It's not that they can't, it's that they
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  don't want to.
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  That's a very, how can I say, important
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  thing to acknowledge and be aware of, guys.
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  Consider consequences beyond today.
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  Some decisions feel great today and become expensive,
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  unfortunately, tomorrow.
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  Others are uncomfortable now and pay off later.
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  Stop letting urgency destroy judgment.
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  You do it subconsciously.
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  You don't even realize you're doing it.
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  Urgency pushes us toward the fastest answer instead
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  of the strongest one.
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  Ask whether the situation truly requires speed or
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  whether urgency is being used to influence you.
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  Give complex decisions enough thought.
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  Slow down.
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  There is no race.
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  When we go too fast, not only do
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  we miss things, but I think we miss
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  the whole point.
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  We miss the concept of why we're here.
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  We miss intentionalism.
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  Write down your options, folks.
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  Examine the consequences.
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  Identify what you know and don't stop.
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  Thinking isn't procrastination, okay?
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  When the decision deserves it, know when more
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  research stops helping you.
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  You can research forever, okay?
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  Eventually, the 10th article or a 50th opinion
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  stops producing clarity and starts producing noise.
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  Know when you have enough.
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  Seek perspectives that challenge you.
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  Find someone who will respectively push back on
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  your thinking and ask what weakness they see
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  in your plan.
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  That takes some strategy, guys.
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  I think that's an important piece for us
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  to understand and to, I'm going to say,
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  embrace.
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  Okay, that's an important thing.
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  What I want you to do, ladies and
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  gentlemen, is I want you to separate preference
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  from fact.
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  Can you do that?
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  I don't like this and this doesn't work.
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  So, one is an opinion and one is
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  a fact.
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  I like vanilla ice cream, okay?
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  Or somebody might say something like, you know,
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  this ice cream cone melts before I can
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  get halfway through it.
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  One is one thing, right?
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  And the other is something else.
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  So, we have to separate fact from opinion.
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  And they're different statements.
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  Understanding that distinction improves judgment.
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  Test assumptions before trusting them.
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  Every decision rests on assumptions.
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  Ask which ones your decision depends on and
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  whether you can test them.
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  Don't make permanent decisions from temporary emotion.
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  Anger, fear, and excitement all distort judgment.
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  Give strong emotions time to settle before they
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  make lasting decisions.
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  Look for second order consequences.
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  And I think sometimes when we don't see
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  the consequence right up front, we just don't
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  take time to move forward, okay?
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  We don't take time to move forward.
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  Don't stop at this.
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  What happens if I do this?
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  Well, it doesn't give an invitation to stop.
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  Ask, and then what happens next?
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  What happens next?
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  Ask, and then what happens next?
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  A decision can solve one problem while creating
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  three more.
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  So, I said before, guys, just because we
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  can doesn't mean we should, all right?
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  I think that's an important piece for us
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  to understand, okay?
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  If we understand that piece, then we can
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  say, wait a minute, this is making sense
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  to me, okay?
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  But we have to embrace what that is.
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  Let's just think for a moment, okay, about
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  some situations, some opportunities.
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  But let's for one moment, why don't we
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  think about where we're going, okay?
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  Where we're going, where are we going?
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  That's the real big question, where are we
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  going?
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  Consider who else will be affected by your
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  decision or decisions.
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  You see, your choices ripple to employees.
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  They ripple to clients, colleagues, and even your
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  family and friends.
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  You can't make everyone happy all the time.
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  But responsible judgment accounts for them, right?
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  Many people I know don't wanna take accountability,
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  okay?
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  They don't wanna take accountability.
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  I think that's an important piece for us
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  to acknowledge.
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  Acknowledge, let uncertainty make you more thoughtful.
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  Use it to ask stronger questions and examine
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  more angles rather than letting it paralyze you.
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  Stop forcing every situation into simple categories.
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  Opportunity can be exciting and risky at the
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  same time.
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  A decision can be necessary and uncomfortable.
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  I said we had to practice getting comfortable
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  being uncomfortable.
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  That's an important piece, very important to
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  understand the perspective, okay?
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  It's important to understand the perspective.
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  Mature judgment unfortunately holds complexity, it does.
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  Decide based on what you know now.
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  You don't get tomorrow's information today.
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  Make the strongest decision available with what you
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  currently have.
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  Leave the room to revise when a facts
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  set changes.
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  A decision doesn't have to become part of
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  your identity, no.
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  Re-evaluating when facts change is an inconsistency.
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  It's responsiveness.
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  Learn from decisions that missed.
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  Everyone makes some.
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  Ask what it taught you.
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  Incomplete information, a wrong assumption, an ignored warning
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  sign.
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  Don't confuse changing your mind with weakness.
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  Sometimes, refusing to change your mind is the
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  weaker choice.
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  If evidence changes your thinking, should that change
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  you too?
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  Build judgment through some careful discerning reflection.
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  Experience alone, guys, doesn't guarantee wisdom.
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  You can repeat the same mistake for 20
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  years.
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  Reflection turns experience into learning.
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  Notice the patterns before reacting.
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  One event can be an exception.
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  Repeat events may be a pattern.
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  Learn to tell the difference before making a
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  major decision.
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  Think beyond the immediate reward.
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  The quick money, the easy answer, the instant
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  approval.
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  Ask what that reward costs later, because it's
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  going to have a price, and it might
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  not be just money.
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  The smaller immediate reward sometimes creates the larger
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  future return.
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  Make decisions your future self can respect.
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  A year from now, could you respect the
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  process even if you don't know the outcome?
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  I'm just saying.
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  Did you gather the facts, think carefully, and
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  act on what mattered?
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  Wisdom often begins with better questions.
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  Instead of which option is easiest, let's ask
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  which option moves me toward where I actually
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  want to go.
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  Better questions change our decisions.
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  Strong judgment grows through experience.
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  Every thoughtful decision adds something you recognize.
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  What is it?
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  It's patterns.
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  And the faster we do this, we learn
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  which warning signs actually matter from us.
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  Don't expect perfect judgment overnight.
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  It's not going to happen.
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  Develop it.
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  You were not born with it.
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  You need to learn it.
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  You need to embrace it.
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  You need to experience it.
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  Learn to decide well without knowing everything.
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  You'll never know everything.
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  Predict every consequence or eliminate every risk.
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  The goal isn't omniscience.
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  It's judgment.
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  Gather what matters.
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  Challenge your assumptions.
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  Control what you can and think beyond today.
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  Then make the strongest decision available to you.
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  Do you make decisions just because somebody else
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  said you have to do this or you
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  have a real reason for your decision?
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  Is it linked to a core value of
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  yours or no?
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  That's really the question that I have for
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  you.
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  If we can become aware, then
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  our perspective can change.
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  I think these are important things to know.
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  Does that make sense?
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  Hopefully this makes sense to you.
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  I think sometimes people don't understand that.
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  Does that make sense to you?
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  I'm just asking.
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  Can you change your perspective tomorrow?
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  Sure.
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  That's important.
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  I think sometimes we push ahead too fast
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  and that causes a problem with us.
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  That's a big problem and that's hard.
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  Hard for us to understand, for hard for
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  us to embrace.
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  Does that make sense?
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  Or does it just give you a confusion?
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  I think sometimes out of desperation, we do
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  one thing but we get confused because we
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  keep going in a loop and a loop
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  is something we don't necessarily understand but we
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  keep going in the loop.
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  And when we're in the loop, we suddenly
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  can't understand.
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  That's something I believe that a lot of
• 20:53
  people will never relate to.
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  I think that's an important piece that many
• 21:09
  people don't understand but I know a lot
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  of people just don't get it but
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  it makes sense.
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  That's the important part.
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  And when we think about it more, it
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  helps us to get a different perspective.
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  But for some reason, we don't see that
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  answer because we're not open to it.
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  The answer's there all the time.
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  So guys, as I get ready to close
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  out today's show, I want you to understand
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  a few things.
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  So when every choice feels wrong, because I
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  know you're gonna get this, don't panic.
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  Simply because the perfect answer isn't visible or
• 22:30
  accessible to you right at the moment.
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  That's a real important thing for us to
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  understand.
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  What I want you to do is to
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  slow down and be conscious of the decisions
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  that you're actually making.
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  Be conscious of it.
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  Ask better questions.
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  I said this to you.
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  If you ask better questions, you're gonna get
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  better answers.
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  If you ask better questions, you will get
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  better answers.
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  But a lot of people just fire off
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  a question because they think that's the right
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  way, but it's not.
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  Separate what you know from what you feel,
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  right?
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  You never make a decision in business on
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  your emotions.
• 23:33
  You have to look at the logic.
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  Separate the facts from the opinions and the
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  assumptions.
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  Look beyond the first consequence.
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  Ask, who else is gonna be affected by
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  this?
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  Think about what happens next and eventually decide
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  because indecision has consequences too.
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  There are times, ladies and gentlemen, when waiting
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  is wise, but there are also times when
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  waiting becomes another choice with its own costs
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  associated to it.
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  Just ponder and think about that for one
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  moment and tell me that doesn't make you
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  rethink things.
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  I know it does.
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  But if it doesn't, think about, are you
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  accountable?
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  Are you making a decision because of your
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  core values or because of some emotion you
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  have?
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  If it's only emotion, that might not be
• 24:45
  the right decision.
• 24:46
  Your future doesn't need to predict everything correctly.
• 24:49
  Let's just say that right off the bat.
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  It needs you to think clearly when everything
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  isn't clear, to tolerate uncertainty without becoming reckless,
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  to admit when information is incomplete, to make
• 25:02
  a thoughtful choice and take responsibility for it
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  and to change course when new evidence generally
• 25:09
  requires it.
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  That's strong judgment, ladies and gentlemen.
• 25:13
  Our master topic this week is a real
• 25:15
  amazing one.
• 25:17
  Become someone your future self can depend on.
• 25:22
  Can you depend on yourself right now?
• 25:25
  And becoming that person doesn't mean becoming a
• 25:29
  perfect person.
• 25:30
  It means becoming more thoughtful, more observant, more
• 25:34
  reflective, more willing to challenge your assumptions and
• 25:40
  more comfortable saying, based on what I know
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  today, this is the decision I'm prepared to
• 25:47
  make.
• 25:48
  Based on what I now know today, this
• 25:51
  is the decision I'm prepared to make.
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  And if tomorrow brings meaningful new information, you
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  learn, based on the information I had yesterday,
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  this is the decision I was going to
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  make.
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  Based on the information I've just learned this
• 26:09
  morning, I've changed my decision.
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  I'm not perfect.
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  And with the new facts being brought to
• 26:18
  the table, I can see that would not
• 26:21
  be the right decision.
• 26:22
  You adjust, and ladies and gentlemen, you grow.
• 26:28
  You know, people may not like you every
• 26:30
  day, okay?
• 26:32
  Maybe because you're doing the right thing and
• 26:35
  they want you to cut corners, right?
• 26:39
  That's an important piece, guys.
• 26:41
  Ladies and gentlemen, if you do not know
• 26:43
  who I am right now, I am John
• 26:45
  C.
• 26:46
  Morley.
• 26:46
  I'm a serial entrepreneur, and I thank you
• 26:47
  so much for joining me for another amazing
• 26:49
  episode of the ever popular Inspirations for Your
• 26:52
  Life show.
• 26:53
  I have some things to say.
• 26:57
  The next time you're staring at two choices
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  and neither feels completely right, remember, you don't
• 27:06
  need perfect certainty to move forward.
• 27:09
  You need the best information available, the willingness
• 27:13
  to ask difficult questions, and the judgment to
• 27:17
  choose responsibly.
• 27:18
  Remember, decisions are not made on emotion, right?
• 27:24
  An employer that hires or fires on emotion
• 27:27
  is going to be destined for failure.
• 27:29
  Maybe not today, but in the future.
• 27:31
  Learn to make decisions your future self can
• 27:35
  respect, because when every choice feels wrong, the
• 27:39
  answer isn't always to wait for certainty.
• 27:43
  Sometimes the answer is to think clearly, is
• 27:46
  to choose thoughtfully, and to move forward.
• 27:54
  Be sure to check out BelieveMeAchieved.com for
• 27:56
  more of my amazing, of course, inspiring creations.
• 27:59
  Take care, everyone.