Latest / The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom / 228. How to Be a Peaceful Mom of Adult Children: 6 Ways to Let Go and Trust God
Transcript
- 0:02[SPEAKER_00]: Christian parenting.
- 0:08[SPEAKER_00]: Hey mama, I'm Pamela Henkelman, certified emptiness coach and your listening to the mid-life Mama podcast.
- 0:15[SPEAKER_00]: This show is for Christian moms navigating the emptiness, learning how to let go with grace, set healthy boundaries, reconnected marriage, and step confidently into their God-given purpose.
- 0:26[SPEAKER_00]: Each week I'll coach you through this season with faith-filled encouragement.
- 0:30[SPEAKER_00]: on his conversations and practical tools that you can apply right away to your relationships and your life.
- 0:36[SPEAKER_00]: If this episode encourages you, I'd be grateful if you leave a quick rating and review.
- 0:41[SPEAKER_00]: It helps other moms find the support they need.
- 0:44[SPEAKER_00]: You'll find the link in the show notes and make sure you're following the podcast and let's get started.
- 0:51[SPEAKER_00]: One difficult conversation can replay in your mind for days, and a choice your son or daughter makes, can you leave you lying awake at night?
- 0:58[SPEAKER_00]: Before long, worry, fear, frustration begin to steal the joy.
- 1:03[SPEAKER_00]: God wants you to experience in this season.
- 1:05[SPEAKER_00]: But the good news, Mama, is that peace is possible.
- 1:09[SPEAKER_00]: In today's episode, I'm sharing six practical ways to become a more peaceful mom.
- 1:15[SPEAKER_00]: We'll talk about self-awareness, expectations, emotions, trust, and how to stay connected to God when parenting adult children feels hard.
- 1:25[SPEAKER_00]: Remember, we're not actually parenting anymore.
- 1:27[SPEAKER_00]: We're just in relationship with them.
- 1:30[SPEAKER_00]: Relating to adult children requires a completely different approach to motherhood.
- 1:36[SPEAKER_00]: Our kids are making their own decisions, facing challenges we can't fix, and building lives independent of us, and while this is exactly what we'd raise them to do, it can leave moms feeling anxious, worried, or unsure of their place.
- 1:51[SPEAKER_00]: The truth is, our adult children need a steady presence more than a stressed one.
- 1:56[SPEAKER_00]: A peaceful mom isn't perfect.
- 1:57[SPEAKER_00]: She's just learning to manage remotions that go of what she cannot control and trust God with the people she loves most.
- 2:05[SPEAKER_00]: So how do we become that kind of mom?
- 2:08[SPEAKER_00]: Let's look at six ways to cultivate peace in the adult child years.
- 2:13[SPEAKER_00]: Number one is to practice self-awareness.
- 2:15[SPEAKER_00]: You know, Mama, I talk about this all the time around here.
- 2:19[SPEAKER_00]: Peace begins with paying attention to what's happening inside of you.
- 2:24[SPEAKER_00]: Are you replaying conversations in your head, losing sleep over your adult child's choices, feeling anxious every time they call.
- 2:33[SPEAKER_00]: Many moms are so focused on their children that they never stop to ask, how am I really doing?
- 2:41[SPEAKER_00]: You cannot change what you're unwilling to acknowledge.
- 2:44[SPEAKER_00]: And the first step toward peace is to recognize where worry, fear, disappointment, and frustration have taken right in your heart.
- 2:53[SPEAKER_00]: When we bring these emotions into the light of Christ's love, we stop pretending we're fine.
- 2:58[SPEAKER_00]: And we allow God to be this where we really are.
- 3:00[SPEAKER_00]: Awareness is often the first step, the word peace.
- 3:04[SPEAKER_00]: So instead of stopping those emotions,
- 3:10[SPEAKER_00]: We get a little curious and we say, hey, what is actually going on on the inside?
- 3:16[SPEAKER_00]: The next thing we can do is let go of expectations.
- 3:20[SPEAKER_00]: One of the quickest ways to lose your peace is to cling to expectations about how your adult child should behave, what choices they should make, or how often they should include you in their lives.
- 3:31[SPEAKER_00]: The problem with expectations is that they often set us up for disappointment.
- 3:37[SPEAKER_00]: When our adult children don't respond the way we hoped it's easy to feel hurt, frustrated or rejected.
- 3:44[SPEAKER_00]: Peace grows when we loosen our grip on how we think things should go.
- 3:48[SPEAKER_00]: Living open-handed doesn't mean you stop caring.
- 3:51[SPEAKER_00]: It just means you stop demanding a particular outcome.
- 3:56[SPEAKER_00]: Make sense?
- 3:57[SPEAKER_00]: And instead of making assumptions, have honest conversations.
- 4:01[SPEAKER_00]: Instead of expecting your adult child to read your mind, communicate clearly.
- 4:06[SPEAKER_00]: releasing expectations, creates space or healthy relationships, and helps you enjoy your family as they are.
- 4:14[SPEAKER_00]: That is you wish that they would be.
- 4:17[SPEAKER_00]: Number three, don't personalize everything.
- 4:20[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, mama, this is the top one.
- 4:23[SPEAKER_00]: We need to remember this.
- 4:24[SPEAKER_00]: Not everything your adult child does is about you.
- 4:28[SPEAKER_00]: Surprise.
- 4:30[SPEAKER_00]: When they don't call back the client invitation, seem distant or make a decision you don't agree with, it's easy to assume you've done something wrong or that they're intentionally hurting you.
- 4:41[SPEAKER_00]: But most of the time, it's just simply not true.
- 4:45[SPEAKER_00]: Peace comes when you stop making yourself the center of every situation.
- 4:50[SPEAKER_00]: Remember, your adult child has their own pressures, responsibilities, emotions and struggles, and their choices are often more about what's happening in their life than what they think about you.
- 5:03[SPEAKER_00]: and instead of reacting, get curious.
- 5:06[SPEAKER_00]: Instead of assuming the worst seek to understand.
- 5:10[SPEAKER_00]: Ask question, listen carefully, try to see the situation from their perspective.
- 5:16[SPEAKER_00]: When we stop personalizing everything, we create space for empathy, and empathy helps preserve connection far better than defensiveness ever will.
- 5:26[SPEAKER_00]: You know you've had those conversations where you tried to explain yourself and then you become defensive and, oh, that goes nowhere real fast.
- 5:33[SPEAKER_00]: Ask me how I know.
- 5:35[SPEAKER_00]: But when we start being empathetic and just try to listen, try to hear their perspective.
- 5:41[SPEAKER_00]: This takes practice.
- 5:42[SPEAKER_00]: This is not easy to do.
- 5:44[SPEAKER_00]: Hey Mama, if your house feels too quiet and your heart feels too heavy after launching your child, I've created a guide just for you.
- 5:53[SPEAKER_00]: It's called journaling through transitional grief.
- 5:57[SPEAKER_00]: A gentle, faith-filled resource to help you process the deep of motions of letting go.
- 6:03[SPEAKER_00]: Inside, you'll find six reflection questions that will help you name your feelings and invite God into the grief and experience His comfort in the middle of change.
- 6:14[SPEAKER_00]: Transitional grief is only a season and God is leading you toward peace, purpose, and joy.
- 6:20[SPEAKER_00]: You can grab your free copy at the link in the show notes.
- 6:24[SPEAKER_00]: Now, let's get back to our conversation.
- 6:26[SPEAKER_00]: The first thing you can do to be a more peaceful mom is to process emotions in a healthy way.
- 6:32[SPEAKER_00]: Many moms think peace comes from ignoring difficult emotions.
- 6:36[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't.
- 6:37[SPEAKER_00]: What we bury has a way of showing up somewhere else.
- 6:41[SPEAKER_00]: Your feelings are not the enemy.
- 6:43[SPEAKER_00]: They're indicators that something deeper needs your attention.
- 6:47[SPEAKER_00]: Anxiety, sadness, disappointment, and frustration can reveal what's happening in your heart and point you toward what needs healing.
- 6:56[SPEAKER_00]: Instead of stuffing your emotions or unloading them on everyone around you, slow down and get curious.
- 7:03[SPEAKER_00]: Ask yourself, what am I feeling right now?
- 7:06[SPEAKER_00]: What's underneath this emotion?
- 7:08[SPEAKER_00]: Get curious.
- 7:10[SPEAKER_00]: Talk to God about it, journal about it, call a trusted friend, go for a walk and let your body release some of the stress you're carrying.
- 7:19[SPEAKER_00]: Peace doesn't come from pretending everything is fine, it comes from honestly acknowledging what you're feeling and inviting God into it.
- 7:29[SPEAKER_00]: That number five is to rise above your circumstances.
- 7:33[SPEAKER_00]: It's hard to experience peace when your mind is consumed by everything that went wrong.
- 7:40[SPEAKER_00]: When you're worried about your adult child, it's easy to fixate on the problem, replay worst case scenarios, and spend your days wondering what might happen there.
- 7:49[SPEAKER_00]: The more attention we give our circumstances, the larger they can see.
- 7:53[SPEAKER_00]: But peace comes when we lift our eyes about the situation, every member who God is.
- 7:58[SPEAKER_00]: God sees what you cannot see.
- 8:01[SPEAKER_00]: He loves your child even more than you do, and he still that work.
- 8:05[SPEAKER_00]: even when nothing appears to be changing, and this is where faith comes in.
- 8:10[SPEAKER_00]: Now, it's not faith that everything will turn out exactly as you hope, but faith that God is trustworthy no matter that outcome, and that's the huge shift.
- 8:22[SPEAKER_00]: It's about trusting and believing that God's will is best.
- 8:26[SPEAKER_00]: His plans and his ways are better.
- 8:29[SPEAKER_00]: than having things art ways.
- 8:31[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes, peace looks like praying, Lord, I don't know what you're doing, but I know who you are.
- 8:39[SPEAKER_00]: I'm choosing to trust you with my child today.
- 8:42[SPEAKER_00]: That's how we rise about our circumstances.
- 8:45[SPEAKER_00]: We fix our eyes on God instead of the problem.
- 8:50[SPEAKER_00]: The sixth thing you could do is cultivate your inner life with God.
- 8:54[SPEAKER_00]: Remember, peace isn't something you manufacture.
- 8:58[SPEAKER_00]: It's something you receive from God.
- 9:01[SPEAKER_00]: Remember Jesus' name?
- 9:03[SPEAKER_00]: He's called the Prince of Peace.
- 9:06[SPEAKER_00]: So if you want peace to rule in your heart, you must stay connected to the one who is peace.
- 9:12[SPEAKER_00]: Spending time with God isn't about another item on your spiritual to do list.
- 9:17[SPEAKER_00]: It's where weary moms find strength for the journey.
- 9:22[SPEAKER_00]: As you pray, read scripture, and sit quietly in God's presence, he begins to study your heart.
- 9:29[SPEAKER_00]: His truth replaces fear.
- 9:31[SPEAKER_00]: His promises become louder than your worries.
- 9:35[SPEAKER_00]: His perspective helps you see beyond today's circumstances.
- 9:39[SPEAKER_00]: The moms who walk through adult childgears with the most peace aren't necessarily the ones with the fewest problems.
- 9:46[SPEAKER_00]: They're the ones who have learned to bring those problems to God again and again and again.
- 9:53[SPEAKER_00]: The secret place is where you lay down your burdens, release your adult children into God's care, and rest in is overwhelming love.
- 10:02[SPEAKER_00]: There is no safer place for a mother's heart.
- 10:05[SPEAKER_00]: The adult child years will give us plenty of opportunities to worry, fear, and second guess ourselves.
- 10:12[SPEAKER_00]: Yet God never intended for us to carry the weight of our children's lives on our shoulders.
- 10:18[SPEAKER_00]: Peace comes as we pay attention to what's happening in our own hearts.
- 10:22[SPEAKER_00]: Release expectations, choose empathy over assumptions, and bring our concerns to God.
- 10:28[SPEAKER_00]: And as we do, we become a steadier presence in our adult child's life.
- 10:33[SPEAKER_00]: And we experience the freedom that comes from trusting God with the people we love most.
- 10:39[SPEAKER_00]: We don't have to hold it all together.
- 10:42[SPEAKER_00]: We simply have to stay close to the one who does.
- 10:46[SPEAKER_00]: Here's your coaching tip of the week.
- 10:48[SPEAKER_00]: In each episode, I will give you one actual step to improve your life.
- 10:52[SPEAKER_00]: Remember, you can't change everything, but you can take one step to be better.
- 10:57[SPEAKER_00]: This week, I want you to process your emotions in a healthy way.
- 11:01[SPEAKER_00]: I want you to grab a journal and a cool glass of iced tea.
- 11:05[SPEAKER_00]: Get quiet and ask yourself.
- 11:08[SPEAKER_00]: What am I feeling right now?
- 11:12[SPEAKER_00]: and then go deeper and ask, what's underneath this emotion?
- 11:16[SPEAKER_00]: I want you to write it down.
- 11:18[SPEAKER_00]: Simply naming it can bring you so much peace.
- 11:23[SPEAKER_00]: Mama, peace doesn't come from having all the answers or knowing exactly what your adult child is going to do next.
- 11:30[SPEAKER_00]: Peace comes from trusting the God who loves your child even more than you do.
- 11:35[SPEAKER_00]: My prayer is that today's episode encourages you to loosen your grip on what you cannot control and draw closer to the one who holds it all together.
- 11:44[SPEAKER_00]: Grace and Peace Mama, you've got this and God's got you.
- 11:48[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for spending time with me on the midlife mama podcast.
- 11:52[SPEAKER_00]: My hope is that you leave each episode feeling encouraged, grounded, and clearer.
- 11:57[SPEAKER_00]: Clearer about what you're feeling, what God may be stirring in you, and how to move forward in the season of the empty nest.
- 12:04[SPEAKER_00]: Through these conversations, I'm not just sharing stories, I'm coaching you, helping you name what's happening beneath the service, challenging the thoughts that keep you stuck and take intentional steps toward peace and confidence as a midlife mom.
- 12:19[SPEAKER_00]: If you're ready to go deeper in what personalized coaching support, I invite you to apply for coaching.
- 12:25[SPEAKER_00]: Coaching is a focused one-on-one space where we work together to gain clarity, process emotions, and discern what God is calling you to in this next chapter.
- 12:34[SPEAKER_00]: You'll find the application linked in the show notes, and let's stay connected.
- 12:39[SPEAKER_00]: You can find me on Instagram at P-Hinkleman, that's P-H-E-N-K-E-L-M-A-N, or on Facebook at Pamela Hinkleman, emptiness coach.
- 12:50[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to figure out the season alone, mama.
- 12:53[SPEAKER_00]: Support and direction are possible, and I'm here when you're ready.