Latest / MIDDLE GROUND - Real Conversations on Faith, Identity & Becoming — Through Brynne's LDS Lens of Curiosity, Love and Doubt / Called to Lead at Church When I Wasn't Sure I Even Believed: My Story of Faith, Doubt & Saying Yes
Transcript
- Brynne Erickson (00:29) I have an awesome personal story that I'm going to tell you tonight. It is my story of how I was called to be young women's president. Even with my doubts, my new beliefs, my concerns that my bishop was very much aware of, that will be a part of the story. And yet I was still called to this position. I'm on year two right now. of being a young women's president. And it has been so fun and so awesome, but you may be thinking, ⁓ Brent, he just called you to keep you in the church a little longer. And that may be true, but for me, I choose to believe that God needed me with my doubts and with my new beliefs. And my Bishop was willing. to see that too. So here we go. I'm going to tell you this pretty awesome story. All right. It all starts one day when I had the thought to go talk to my bishop. We moved back to Utah from Arizona in 2021. And we are actually in my home ward, the ward that I grew up in. And I was a little concerned about that. But it has been wonderful and amazing. And it has changed a lot. And I've made so many wonderful friends. Our word is the best. And I didn't know our Bishop like at all. And I was like, why do need to go talk to the Bishop? Like, I don't even know him. It's fine. What would I even talk about? So I kind of put this thought off and I was definitely in the thick of my not knowing lots of big questions. And I just was like, fine, I will go and meet with him just to get rid of this nagging thought. And I'll just kind of fill him in with my situation and worry about and get to know him. So I did. And I met with Bishop and I was like, look, I just felt like I needed to let you know that I am not really sure where I stand with the church, but I don't see any reasons to step away. But I have questions, I have concerns. This is my family situation. with my brothers and my parents are mission presidents. And I just wanted you to know that if there's anyone in our ward that comes to you and they feel the same way I do, just to let them know that they're not alone and feel free to reach out to me. And I would love to befriend them or support them in any way that I can. And he was so sweet at the end. was like, and if you hear of anyone that needs that support as well, will you let me know? And I was like, yeah. I will. So kind of left as a team ⁓ on this mission and it was great. So thankfully the thought did not have to bother me anymore because I did the thing right. Check. Talk to Bishop. Done. Well, later that summer I'm in the bathroom getting ready for the day and I have this thought of you're going to be the next young women's president. And I was just floored. was like, you know, there's no way. Now with my new beliefs and doubts, and I totally think it's OK to be a lesbian, there's no way that I could be young women's president over these girls. And so blew that thought out the door. Forgot about it until, of course, I get a text from someone in the bishopric, and saying Bishop wanted to meet with me. And I knew, I knew that that's why I was being called in, was to be the new Young Women's President. And I did not want to accept that at all. I was like, no, it's gotta be something else. ⁓ And I was kind of scared. I was scared, I was frustrated, because I was very comfortable in my twice a month, one hour activity days calling. ⁓ I got to work with the young boys ages 8 to 12 and we would meet once or twice a month and do an activity for an hour. So it was super chill and I could take my little boys with me and it was super fun. So that was working for me. I didn't need this commitment to navigate with where I was at with my faith and it's kind of a big chunk of time. ⁓ on Sundays and during the week. You meet every week and have an activity for an hour in the evenings. And I had two very young boys and did not need that in my life at the time. So I knew that this was going to happen. I even told my husband at a time, I like, I know this sounds crazy, but I think this is why I'm going in for this interview, to have this chat with Bishop. And I show up. for my interview and he asked how I'm doing. I was like, I really don't really want to be here if I'm being honest. He's like, tell me about that. And I just spilled my heart and I said, I just don't feel that I could take on a calling of leadership or teaching capacity with my new, with what I believe and what I'm unsure of. I feel so unqualified and incapable. And you know how a lot of people are like, I'm so unqualified for this calling. Well, mine wasn't just with what I didn't know. It was like what I didn't believe. And it was scary. And he asked me a very simple question. And he said, Brynn? What do you think the youth need to know? And I just broke down and that the youth need to know that they're unconditionally loved. Unconditionally. no matter what they do, what they say, what they choose, they are loved by their father and mother in heaven. And he looked at me and he agreed. He's like, I agree. I think that is exactly what they need to know. And with that, said, so I'd like to extend a calling to you to work with young women. And I was like, in what capacity, Bishop? What are you saying? Like, you have to say it. And he said, well, we'd like you to be the new Young Women's President. And for as scared and underqualified, As I felt, I knew it was the next thing for me to do. And so I said, okay, I'll do it. Like, you know, my thoughts and beliefs. I'm going to do the best I can. And I have no doubt that I'll figure it out as I go. And as long as you're okay. And he's like, yeah, I can't deny it. And he told me that my name came to him at three in the morning, one night and. He says he's not one to like get visions and such, but that he couldn't deny that he needed to ask me. And I couldn't deny that I had already known from my bathroom experience. And it was sweet. He said, you know, that's awesome because I was praying that you would know and get some revelation. So I believe in miracles. I don't fully know the extent. of what miracles entail, like why are some people saved, why are some people not. But for me, this was a moment of being seen and ⁓ given a special moment from my source, my heavenly father. And it has been a beautiful ride. It is. I was super intimidated by these girls. I've worked with young kids, elementary age kids, not teenagers. I don't have teenagers. My oldest child was five at the time. And I only have brothers and I only have sons. So to work with young women was incredibly intimidating. But I have amazing other women working with me and we've just taken it slowly and I've gotten to know these amazing girls. And my messaging to them is just that they are so loved no matter the choices they make, no matter where life takes them. Jesus is there for them. heavenly parents are there for them. And I keep it simple and my own controversial beliefs. I just don't bring them up. And if anything in a class, if something's brought up, maybe I'll pose like a question. to get the girls thinking. And it has been wonderful. And their sweet, simple foundational beliefs and ⁓ testimonies have been really helpful for me with where I am at right now and hanging out with them and being able to grow with them. And it's been a wonderful trip. And I still have another year-ish probably hanging out with these girls. And I'm forever grateful, but. That is my, I think, very cool story. And I believe that God takes time for us again. I think I mentioned in previous episode about discerning the spirit, I think ⁓ our heavenly help. think there's a team up there looking out for us. Don't know the logistics and I could be wrong and I'm okay with that. But I've chosen to believe that there's a team out there helping me. And I'm grateful. So look for the evidences of divine help in your life. ⁓ And what do you credit those miracles to? I'd be curious to find out. So have a great one. Thanks.