Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Scarlett Stories |a conversation with Adriel Booker

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Scarlett Stories |a conversation with Adriel Booker · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Hi friends, welcome back to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: And if you are new here, I'm so glad you joined us.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_01: Here at Simply Wholehearted, we provide perspective to define your purpose and create a plan to live a wholehearted, intentional life.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like you, we desire to love the Lord with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: So if you feel like you're surrounded by a world of half-heartedness, you're welcome here.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: Join us as we share inspiring stories and simple ideas from our friends as they pursue life on purpose, armed with plans for making the ordinary life extraordinary.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: Today, we will be inspired by our guest Adriel Booker.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: I'll also be answering your Anneagram questions to help you define your purpose and give you a meaningful minute idea to intentionally practice the message of our conversation.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: With the holiday season quickly upon us, I thought our conversation with Adriel would be timely as many of us walk in the tension of living between advents.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: We are grateful for hope given to us in the birth and the life of Christ.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: But the reality of living in the here and now is full of pain, loss, and suffering as we wait for Christ's return in our lives.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: Adriel's newest book, Grace Like Scarlet, is a raw and honest portrayal of what it looks like to deal with miscarriage, infertility, and grief.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: She has painted a vulnerable yet beautiful picture through her words and experiences.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: Besides writing books, she and her husband lead an inner city missions community in Sydney, Australia.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: And she is the founder and lead advocate of Love a Mama Collection.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: She'll also be sharing more about the endless resources she has available for grief, life, sisterhood, and motherhood.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: Now you say overseas.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: You're already overseas from me, because you're in Australia.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: So we're either in these states or where we're Yeah.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: No, I was in Cambodia and Thailand for a few weeks for work.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: What was this with?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Was this for uh my husband and I lead a YWAM base, so I don't know if you know what YWIM is.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, absolutely.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I've been working with YWM for 18 years.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: So we had some meetings and conference and a few things.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: So no, I have uh two sisters who've done YWAM, and I did an internship as well in my youth, and their experience was so fantastic.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: I was always jealous because mine wasn't.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: Oh no.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so, but it just seems um I have a ton of friends who've done YWAM and different stuff.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: So you guys stay at the base in Australia, and you probably run all the different groups coming in and out.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: Do you help like lead the trips and everything?
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: Or where, you know, where do you guys fit in that?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, well, we've been well, I've been in YWM for 18 years, so I've done all sorts of things over that time.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: But we are, um, I mean, we we used to live in Townsville, which is an another place in Australia, and we had a medical ship.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: So we did a lot of work with the medical ship.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: And personally, I'm a teacher and speaker and preacher.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I just do a lot of training.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I do a lot of like speaking and um yeah, that that side of things.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but about two years ago, two and a half years ago, we moved to Sydney to pioneer a new center.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: So we're just pioneering, which means that we do everything.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we don't we're trying to recruit a team.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so we're like the things that would normally be delegated to lots of different staff are not.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: So we're the you name it, that's us.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: So yes, we host teams, we do the admin, we do the marketing, the finance, the legal, the um, yeah, rent everything.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: So right now it's a little crazy, and we're really trusting God to to bring us some team to help share the load and to run more smoothly.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: So you said 18 years.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: Is that how you and your husband met?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: It is, yeah.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's awesome.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: A YWM romance.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, there's a fair few of them out there.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, for sure.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: That's great.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Definitely.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, he he's Australian.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: I I'm Australian now too, but I grew up in Oregon.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: So we met through YWM.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: And you haven't acquired an accent yet, so you need to stay a little bit.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: No, and I don't think I ever will.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we're we're so um international in our mix that you're I'm around other Americans and Canadians all the time.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: I think um I think had I wanted to, I probably could have changed my accent a little bit.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Or if I had lived here and worked among Australians and not an international group, then maybe, but no, and I'm 40 now, so it's not gonna change.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's not gonna happen.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's sad.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: It is.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: I've got a good friend, actually.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: She's she grew up in England, and she purposely, when she moved here when she was like 18, 19, she lost her British accent because she was tired of ordering watta and you know the waiter going, oh, where are you from?
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: And so every every once in a while when her mom comes and visits, and you know, I'm like, oh, I hear your accents going, you know, like, or those, you know, few words, those terms that are totally different, you know, you know, rubbish can instead of garbage or different stuff like that.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we No, it's not a rubbish can, it's a rubbish bin, Amy.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, rubbish bin! Yes.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you're so right.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: So you and your husband, you met in YWAM.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I know, I think you have three boys.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: Is that correct?
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we do.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: So our boys are um eight and uh uh seven, he'll be seven next week, and then a two-year-old.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Oh wow.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: And starting up a YWAM base, nothing.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, now do they are do you guys live?
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: I mean you Sydney, you're probably not.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: You're probably in suburbia and everything like that.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's not like free and carefree, like they can roam around like you envision Australia.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: No, and actually we're not in suburbia.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: We are in the city.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: We live in the city.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so you're there.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: So that was yeah, so that was our heart and desire for moving to Sydney was that we would be in the city.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: So we're not in the business district, like we don't live among the skyscrapers, but we live um right on the periphery of that in a very, very, very city urban bustling neighborhood.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: So you know, um, yeah, it's safe.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's but no, your kids don't run around.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: No, no way.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: So there's some traffic and lots going on.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we walk to school, and one of the great things with living in the city is that we walk everywhere, you know, and sometimes use public transport.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: But I've got within a five-minute walk of my house, I've got cafes and library and movie theater and bank, post office, school, you know, you name it.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: So that's yeah, we really love that actually.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: The walkability is a was a huge drawing card for us.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, that's awesome.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: I I mean, I think I I want to do all of it.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: I want to live in a city where you can walk everywhere, and I also want to live out in the you know, boonies where your your closest neighbor is a drive away, you know.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's appealing too.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: Either or this, and then the you know, where most of us end up is two feet away from the neighbor next door with not being able to walk to anything.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: But that's yeah, that's how it usually goes.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: So um anyway, you guys, you guys have been there, you said two years setting up this new um organization there, this new base.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but you've have you guys been pioneering all along the way to set up these new bases, and or is this kind of a new thing for you guys to jump into?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's I mean, because it's sort of like starting a church.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you're starting from scratch.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: You're like you said, you're doing all the things and you know.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean, that is the closest thing I could relate it to is church planting.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: I think it it is different than just starting uh than a business startup.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um so yeah, I think church planting is probably the the closest thing.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: We have both been involved, my husband and I have both been involved in lots of pioneering um work, but on a ministry level, not on a um, you know, pioneering new ministries and new things as a part of an existing bigger ministry.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: Gotcha.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um so this is the first time we've gone to a totally new location and started from scratch.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I mean, we literally started by we were staying um 45 minutes away because we couldn't, we couldn't find a place for months and months in the city that we could afford to rent.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um and so we were staying 45 minutes away and we would take the train in a couple times a week and with our kids, and we would just walk the streets and we would pray and walk the streets and pray and say, you know, God, what are you doing in our neighborhood?
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: And we claimed it as our neighborhood, even though we didn't live there yet.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: We we kind of we rented a P.O.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: box, kind of put our stake in it.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: That's very awesome.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, rented a local P.O.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: box and and so we would just go in and pray and God, what are you doing?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: And what's already happening?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: And we try to meet people, you know, pastors and other ministries and community workers, and and yeah, just start learning.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: I think the first couple of years of pioneering are all about learning.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: They're learning about your own capacity, they're learning about what God's doing in the neighborhood, they're learning about who else is there and what are they doing.
• 9:39
  unknown: Right.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: So we're still on that learning curve now, but we're starting to make some strides forward as far as building, you know, a lot of the pioneering work is foundational and and you don't see it, no one sees it.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, it's a lot of prayer, it's a lot of behind the scenes.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think right now it's it it still feels foundational, but it feels like we're starting to pour up the the last of the foundations, if you know what I mean.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: So absolutely hoping to start building some walls soon or at least some uh some structural, I don't know, my construction terminology, but I'm cracking with you though.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: You've been digging the basement, you've been pouring it there.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's all the unseen, unnoticed, unglamorous work.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, until people are like, oh, wait a minute, so unsexy.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: When did that get here?
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: And it feels like overnight to everyone else, and you're like, no, this was forever.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like a long time.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: In a lot of ways, I mean, that's like writing uh and you know, some of that ministry work that you're very familiar with, which when did you kind of launch into some of that um for you?
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, have you always been a writer?
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, being with a ministry like YWAM, there's probably lots of opportunities to teach and speak and share your story.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: So there's some of that maybe teaching that happened from you know a young age.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: But for you, when do you're like, I'm this is I I feel like I need to share.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna, you know, share something that is outside of the four walls of an organization that I'm a part of.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, because my sort of the focus of my work um in my early 30s was about um speaking and teaching, and I did a lot of traveling and itinerant ministry.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I also did a lot of leadership coaching for staff.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so that was my big focus.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: And when I um when I got pregnant with our first, I just was at a place in life where I was so excited to shift things around and I really wanted to spend time at home with him.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, I I I do speak and teach now again, but for a period there, I just didn't want to travel, um, especially in the early days.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: I did, I did travel with him, actually.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: My first and and my second, you know, I would take my babies with me when I would teach and I'd wear them in the ergo and trying to get babysakers to help.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: And we made it work and it was really fun.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: But I knew during that time that I needed sort of another outlet to be able to keep feeling like I was giving, um, but without all this speaking.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I started blogging like many new moms do.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: So this was in 2010, I first started blogging.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I'd always enjoyed writing.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: I remember there was a few times in um college where, you know, different um professors would say you really need to pursue writing.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I never thought to pursue writing for writing's sake.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: It was always just, oh, I'm interested in this topic, so I'm gonna write, you know, gotcha, this great paper about it.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I knew I was good at writing, but um, it was more sort of a byproduct, I guess, of the other things.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: So when I started writing uh on my blog, it was, it just felt like an outlet for me, to be honest.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like I just felt like, oh, I want to connect with other moms that are home.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: It can feel really isolating, especially when I'm used to being a make it happen girl and leadership and traveling and blah, blah, blah.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I kind of started that way and then very quickly realized, like, oh, there's a ministry in this.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: Moms need encouragement.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so it was very quick for me to go.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't actually about me.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: This is about me figuring out how I can keep serving people from home.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so that was a real gift for me.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: My husband really encouraged me to go for it.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then as far as book writing, I sort of knew somewhere along the way, um, well, I'll put it this way.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: I envisioned that when I was done being busy and living my big full life, you know, and um that maybe in my 60s or 70s, I would probably be done with the city and I would live in a little house somewhere with a brook going through the backyard and a nice big palace and a beautiful tree.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Right there with you.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: I would sit at my second story window where my desk was set up with my typewriter or whatever, you know.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, and I would write all of the things, and um, and so I think I had this very unrealistic romantic notion of what it meant to be a writer, uh, an author.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I just thought there's no way I could do that in my 30s, my 40s, you know, like it is busy, right?
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I've got enough going on to do that.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there's no way.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: So, but I started seeing more and more people turn from bloggers to authors and thought, they're doing this.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: How are they doing this?
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: You know, how does this even work?
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: I am so busy.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I've never wanted to pursue being an author just for being an author's sake.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like it had to be purposeful.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so there came a time where I thought, you know, I really have, I have years and years, I mean hundreds of pages of notes about stuff that I've taught on.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought, I need to start writing this down because I'm as a speaker, I'm a bit of a bullet point note person.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll have my outline, but I don't have it all written.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Don't have the stories and illustrations, none of that.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought, you know, I'm just gonna start kind of writing my teaching out and writing out the things that I end up um, I don't know, telling people over and over and over again when I'm mentoring.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so I started out doing that, and I thought, like, I'm just gonna write the things that the conversations I have all the time with young people, and they're often about identity and calling and all that sort of thing.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um and then I and then along the way, I just I realized like I I actually have a passion to write and I want to write books and but I want to do it in the right timing.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then um, it's a bit of a long story, and I don't I'm I've already taken probably too long.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: But the but the um I guess what really happened was I I had my first miscarriage.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um so I had two sons, and then we had our third pregnancy ended in miscarriage, and you know that it completely blindsided me, but I'd already written about it being pregnant online and told the whole world, and so I decided I'm gonna write about my miscarriage online as well.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I did it that straight away, very raw, very open.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I just thought I've nothing to hide with this, I need to share this, and so um I did, and I'm so glad I did.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: I have zero regrets for having done that so openly and and honestly.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: I really needed it because I needed to feel not alone.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I I I did that for myself.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: I really did.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: A reach of community.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: It was.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: But what I realized in that is how much people need others around them to be authentic and bold with their stories and willing to talk about the hard stuff.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so that really ignited something.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: There was already a bit of a fire there for, you know, I had already written about some hard topics on my blog.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I think this was maybe next level.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so once that once I started writing publicly, I just knew I knew this is going to be a book someday.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but still in my mind, I thought this is much later when I am like healed.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I put that in air quotes because healing is a process.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I I just thought, no way would I ever write from that messy middle.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because yeah, you I need to be the expert, right?
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: Before I write.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so um anyway, I so fast forward a little while, I guess two years maybe, and I was pregnant again.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a it's a bit of a story, but I was in Italy on a writer's retreat, and um the the women that had organized it, Jenny Burke, she's a really fantastic literary agent, and I got invited on this writer's retreat.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: So amazing.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: I had some writer friends recently go to work, and I'm like, I went to the world.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's so amazing, it was so amazing.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was on this beautiful, like fairy tale, amazing retreat, you know, and um I was pregnant again.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um and it was on that retreat where I just felt really impressed from the Lord, you need to start writing um Grace Like Scarlet, which is the title of my first book and the book about miscarriage.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: But I felt like the Lord said you need to start writing Grace Like Scarlet, and I thought, okay, but like I don't want to think about that now because I'm in Italy having the time of my life and I'm pregnant.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I kind of said, I did say like, yes, Lord, a yes, Lord.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: I was working on another project, but I thought, okay, I can put that down and start writing this.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I thought, let's let's talk about the detail of that when I get home.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just gonna finish up this retreat.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's a yes from me, but to be to continued.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then two days later, I started bleeding again.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I had my second miscarriage there in Italy, and I just thought, are you kidding me?
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't need more material to write.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: No, and I'm not saying that's why it happened, it just the timing felt so um, it just felt so unfair and so difficult.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, but that's when I really knew like even that second miscarriage, it put a fire in my bones.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like this, I'm going to write about this and I'm not gonna wait.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna do it while I'm still in pain because this is what people need.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: They need to know that you know, God is still good in the midst of our darkest moments.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, when I read that story, I I mean, I feel everything.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: And and even though, I mean, I think that's you know, you're writing about your specific experience of miscarriage, but anyone who's experienced grief or who's walking through a season of grief or the valley of the shadow of death, you're writing the words that we may not be able to articulate.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: Oh wow, thank you, thank you, Amy.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: I I, you know, I it was so important to me to write about specifically about miscarriage because this is the book, quite frankly, that I wanted to read after my first miscarriage.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: But I also wanted to write it in such a way that other people who haven't experienced this kind of loss could understand what it's like, but also find themselves in the story too, because grief is universal and suffering is universal, and it is the great equalizer.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: None of us are exempt from it, you know, and and God can be found in the midst of it.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm I'm so pleased to hear that it spoke to you through that.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it was a it was an interesting process, even even sort of pitching this to idea to publishers.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, some didn't want it to be so miscarriage specific, they wanted it to be broader.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I really felt like, you know, I I would rather go with a more niche book, even if it reaches fewer people, um, because I want it to go really deep.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm I'm really pleased.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really pleased with how how it turned out.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like it does go really deep.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: And then in saying that, I've I have had lots of people um write me and say, I've never experienced loss, but this is how the book ministered to me.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: And these are the areas, you know, this is my this is the other type of loss that I've experienced.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: And and this is what God did for me as I read your book.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that's been really beautiful to me as well, to see how, you know, God can God can use our pain and does use our pain when we are willing to sort of to not just offer.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: it but to let him rework it and rewrite it into something beautiful.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, yeah.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_01: And he does, even when it doesn't feel like I mean, I think you know, you ask, you kind of even start out, I think, in your introduction, it's not even chapter one, but you kind of talk about almost the phases of grief or the different what you might be thinking or experiencing in that.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so even if you can't even like imagine that you will get to a place of hope and belief again in the Lord or that He is good.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that's your invitation to go through the process.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I I like too how you spelled it out.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like start at the beginning.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: And if you can't go on, just stop just wait for the Lord to work where you're at and and that and through that and then and then keep going.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: But there's no formula and there's no like timeline when it comes to grief.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: There's no way to measure of like okay I'm gonna get through this and then therefore I'm onto this and it's gonna take three months here and it's gonna take you know a year here and it's gonna take two weeks here.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: And you know we all have that and yeah I just I think too and I get why publishers want broader stories but I think I there has got to be I mean I I almost don't hardly know anyone who hasn't been touched by miscarriage in one way or another whether they personally experienced which is a large amount of my friends or they have a you know very close family member or friend who's walking through it.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: I mean it it's so high.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's like one million women a year in the states alone have a miscarriage.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: And one about one in four pregnancies known pregnancies end in miscarriage.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: So you know researchers say that number is probably higher for miscarriages that happen before women even know they're pregnant.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: So it's very very high.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I think that people do recognize the need and the prevalence but because it's not an issue that's talked about a lot it's easy for it to feel sort of on the side if you know what I mean.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: But we were we were amazed I mean my oh Jenny Burke ended up being my agent by the way she's amazing.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah so that came out of that that trip and that time as well but um you know we were so convinced that there's a huge need for this type of book and ministry and so we always knew that this book would get picked up we we knew it was important we knew it was time um and I think what what surprised us was we actually we got multiple offers on the book and I know that doesn't always happen.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah but and I'm not saying that to be like oh look I'm super awesome but I say that because because what that says to me is that um even publishers and others are realizing this is actually this is a big deal this is a big need the cultural conversation conversation is really shifting around it yeah and if we as Christians aren't going to help lead that conversation then we're really missing about and so I do think there was a recognition of that you know and we saw it by having multiple publishers say yes this is important and we want to take this that's so good.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_01: That's okay.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah it's a the statistics are really they're they're really um heartbreaking yeah oh I I think too it's brave of you to be willing to write so quickly I know there's some wisdom shared out there that you should maybe speak teach and write once you're maybe scarred over at least scabbed over um but I mean in a way you were sharing while you were still bleeding you know figuratively live literally spiritually all that sort of stuff but share like how has that been has it helped you do you feel like it's drawn it out do you when you have to speak and share on it does it open up that old wound again or does it bring another measure of healing for you?
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: Wow that's a great question Amy I I think that I did write it through you know my my second two miscarriages and a th a pregnancy after that which resulted in our two year old now and I I was still writing it through that pregnancy with him which was very tumultuous and then the newborn days where I was not sleeping and breastfeeding all that stuff.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: So it was it was it was not the ideal time to be writing but it was the right time you know sometimes sometimes ideal and right aren't the same thing but I I think that um still in some ways being so close to those events really helped me to um I don't know channel emotion into the book that is necessary for people to engage with I think that I mean a lot of what's in the book they're they're not new things that I learned um during that time but those are things that God was building into my life for years and years and years you know before the suffering hit.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so when when suffering hits, it brings out all the stuff that's already there the good, the bad and the ugly right so I think for me it I mean sure I learned new things I mean 100% yes but it's not as if I started writing that book from scratch when I started writing it.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know what I mean?
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like I had already been journeying with God for many many years.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: I had already um really pursued understanding his character his nature um how he operates in the world how he operates in our life so for me then stepping into a time of suffering it did bring a new light on some of that stuff but it also brought a new urgency to me on what I knew already to be true.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it brought a new depth if our faith doesn't hold up during times of suffering then we probably have some pretty big holes in our theology that need to be figured out you know and that's okay like that's that's actually okay um God can handle our holes and he can handle our confusion and our doubt and all the full spectrum and range of emotions that come through grief you know anger sorrow um accusation blame guilt shame all of it he can handle all of it nothing can separate us from his love and if we are able to um I want to say run to him that's such a Christian phrase but sometimes we don't have the strength or the energy to run to him we just have to sort of allow our hearts to say yes um when we have that heart posture of yes even if we don't feel the strength to run to him he responds he's quick to respond he is happy to respond he's overjoyed to respond so so yes it was difficult writing it but um I think it would have been difficult writing it anytime you know writing a book is no small thing and putting words on a shelf that you can't take back is terrifying to be quite frank.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely um you know and there were things that I took so much time on had a word that you know theology related that are like I don't want this to be misinterpreted or misunderstood.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's so important to me that I represent Jesus well.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_01: Friends I'm interrupting this conversation to tell you quickly about something I think you'll find helpful for the new year.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_01: I can't believe we are only six weeks away from 2019.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_01: I have been following Beth Ann from the Brilliant Business Moms and her planner tips and tricks for a while now and right now her 2018 planner is on sale and for those of you who are working a side hustle, working from home or just desire to be more intentional with your time you'll want this planner.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_01: Now I admit one of my mini dreams is to create my own planner for Simply Wholehearted but in the meantime this planner is beautiful and gives me plenty of room for everything well almost everything going on in my brain.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_01: Check it out for yourself at the link in your show notes and if you order Simply Wholehearted will get a portion of the sales to help produce this podcast.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks so much for your support going back a little bit is to mature in Christ no matter what our level of maturity there are depths into the lessons that we thought we'd maybe learned before or that we have learned before but if we're growing and maturing in Christ and that doesn't stop till we go see him then we're going to have to revisit some of these things which is so frustrating.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not for shame that we didn't get it the first time it just is that there's another layer there's another level and and I think I I just love that you even because I think that should even give courage to those who are like I mean me personally like dang it why do I have to learn this again but like to go I can share in my learning of this because the feeling is there and I can remember what it was like but I can also speak from the knowledge of going, but I know this to be true and I know I will get to the other side and I know I will encounter the Lord while I'm in this.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well and I think it helps to approach it as it's this is not linear.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: You know when you look at grief as linear or when you look at life in general as linear that you pass through these series of mile markers to say I've arrived and now I've arrived at this level and then now this level.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah and it doesn't work that way and I I think it's more for me it's been more helpful to think of even the grief journey in particular as circular and um because you do you circle back around to anger or doubt or frustration or sorrow or whatever it is.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_00: But are you spiraling up or are you spiraling down?
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_00: You know like if you think of it as going around why am I going around this mountain again?
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: I thought I dealt with my anger well okay it you're you're there again but are you spiraling up like I are you are you moving forward in your grief are you are you pressing into God or you know are you allowing your grief to to ruin you I think I think grief that's good grief undoes us you know it totally will undo us but it can also remake us and that is a beautiful thing if we're leaning into the Lord in that process.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh that's beautiful I'm writing that one down walking through my own season of that where it's like oh I don't like those tears it's not fun and it we don't you know like no it it does undo us and it it it reminds us how out of control we actually are and um yeah and to surrender again.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_01: So I I think you've done a beautiful job sharing those raw vulnerable moments and in just a very you know in a ministering way.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I I know that anyone any woman picking up that book is gonna be blessed.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: I know you also have I noticed on your website you have like a grief journal or something to that effect that goes along with the book is that correct yeah well I have a huge resource section on my my blog actually I have written extensively I keep thinking oh this needs to be written and oh people need this and if I can't find it online I write it.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah that's so good.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: So my resource page is embarrassingly enormous.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah so one of the things that I have recently put out there is a grief journal.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_00: And the journal does not um it's not written in such a way that you need to read it with the book.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually a totally it's its own thing and the book itself has journal prompts um going through the book.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I and I really recommend people to take advantage of those prompts as they're reading the book and that will help them digest it more.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_01: And it's perfect for this one with a group too I think um I'm a kind of lead the women's small groups at our church and so I'm always like giving out great resources like that that like hey the study guides like included the in the book.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yes discussion guide.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_01: But anyway.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah well the the grief journal the way the grief journal came about is um a couple of years ago I put out a survey and this I was already in the process of writing my book but I thought you know I want to make sure that I include a a diverse diverse experiences from women who you know I've had three miscarriages but that's only three and I'm one person so others are going to experience this differently.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I just thought I want some broader perspective.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I put this survey out just on Facebook and I had to take it down within a day because I already had 750 plus responses and I was like I'll never be able to read these and the what I found in the survey the actual answers didn't surprise me much.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't I didn't learn a ton from the actual answers and mostly that's because I had been writing about this online for years and I've already had so many responses and letters and emails and stuff from people.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I was familiar with many of the things that people shared.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_00: What did shock me the most was how many people at the end of filling out this survey wrote me and said thank you so much for this I it was so therapeutic for me to answer these questions and to write out my story and to recall my story.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I just I was floored by that because I thought well you guys are doing me a favor and then you're thanking me for it.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_00: But what I realized that and I I guess I sort of knew this already because stories are important to me but it really hit me deeply how much people need to be they need to hear stories but they need to be also given room to tell their stories.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so healing to be able to tell our stories.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I think as a writer I take that for granted because it's it's normal for me to tell stories to speak them to write them whatever.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_00: You need stories.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_01: You're always looking for stories.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah and but for many people they don't naturally sort of think that way and so I thought okay I want to create something for them that will help them tell their story because I know and and actually there's research you know from credible people not just me that's going by instinct but there's research that shows that um journaling is one of the best ways to heal through grief.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so psychologists will tell you that you know please start a journal when you're grieving.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_00: So so anyway the journal prompts help people to sort of go way back and tell their story from the beginning and pre even pre-pregnancy and it's just a way to help people get in touch with their stories get in touch with their emotions get in touch with how they're feeling and knowing that even in that storytelling um even if they never do anything with it never share it with anyone it's just for themselves that there's healing in that so absolutely that's why I created the the free um grief journal and I hope it's so helpful to people that's great because I mean how many of us looking at a blank page know what to and there's so much it just is overwhelming.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_01: So why not just answer one question at a time and allow yourself to see where it leads you.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yes exactly and then I also I don't know when this episode will air live but uh I've got launching really soon a website as well a companion website which is fantastic it's a story story sharing platform where women and men and care providers can actually submit their stories and for those that want to share them publicly but may not you know consider themselves a writer or have a blog but just I I realize people really need to read stories and hear stories.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh wow so that's a companion too so I hope that people can go onto the site and then they can search and they can go okay I want to read stories from dads about miscarriage that are faith-based and they can use some filters to kind of find a story that relates to them or I want to read a story from mom who's experienced stillbirth and they can they can search that way or they can submit stories that way as well.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah stories really are powerful to help and to heal so I'm I'm passionate about not just hearing stories but helping others to share their stories.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_00: And girl you are a powerhouse because you do a lot that's amazing that's no small task to organize all of that and get yeah well I do it uh better sometimes than others anyway right it's all up there no I do need an assistant so if anyone you know wants to volunteer yeah I mean we'll put it out there absolutely but I'm a missionary so I don't I can't really pay them a salary that's the catch 22 we're working on our own salary so I know right these ministry things oh I know all of that is no so I saw you bundle up uh is it pretty cold there you guys are heading though into spring right is it the opposite yeah we're it's we are heading into spring i i live in a 100 year old house and houses in Australia are built for the summer okay not the winter so you know I'm looking outside and thinking it's probably gorgeous out there but inside it's really cold.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_00: So this time of year you kind of you're cold inside and then you go outside to warm up but we don't have things like central heating and anywhere in our houses we use like these little tiny oil heaters in every room and you know just portable heaters.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's actually really annoying.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_00: So oh yeah I bet it would be hugely bundled up all winter long.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah well how cold does it get I mean does it get cold as the Midwest or what it you know or is it like California I'm in Sydney I'm in Sydney so it's you know it's fairly mild and it definitely doesn't snow but it'll it'll be like boots and scarves and jackets and weather I would still need to have my boots and scarves you know weather oh yeah to be I mean the the thing is is that inside it will stay as cold as outside or colder.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know so it might only be it might be 42 degrees which is not freezing cold but that's cold to have that temperature inside your house.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_01: So oh it is totally we're excited because it was 90 degrees and tomorrow's the first day of fall and we're supposed to get a big storm tonight and drop it down to 70 and so we're all like rejoicing and pulling out the sweaters we want to wear tomorrow and like remind me where you are Amy.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm in Kansas City so we're in middle you know middle of the US and so we get yes it's you get the hot summers smuggy yeah and I I was born in Southern California and and lived in Ohio for a while but then I got 11 years in Colorado and um I've been here almost 10 now so I really should be used to it but I I still like the mountains and my mild summers.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_01: I don't mind I don't mind though the beauty of the seasonal change like that I'm definitely a seasons gal and so it's it's really fun.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_01: But I remember reading a book and you know I didn't pay attention really well in geography class but I was reading a book taking place in Australia and they were talking about Christmas time and stepping out and it being hot weather and I was like flipping through the book I'm like wait a minute they just said it was Christmas right I'm not you know getting that confused and I was like oh yeah their weather's opposite so anyway I just I had to ask because it's always like oh yeah that's gonna be you know it's not like Florida we have a very interesting Christmas around our house because even though we're Australian I grew up in Oregon and you know I will never get the white Christmas out of my brain.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_00: So we kind of do the uh we do a hybrid.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_00: We've learned to do a hybrid, you know and so I still love to have a Christmas party where I make hot hot apple cider and do all the things and we have a big yeah we have a big Christmas eve meal where I do all the traditional big hot meal.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_00: But then on Christmas day we do like mimosas and we have fruit platters and we do you know salads and we do it Australian style.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_00: So um we kind of do both which is really fun and we try to we try to go to the beach on boxing day the day after Christmas.
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's a bit of a tradition.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_01: So that's awesome.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta make the most of it you got to bring in tradition so your kids you know experience a little bit of what you experience now because you have three boys and you're doing all these things um I asked you ahead of time so you could prepare a little bit but what is working right now when it comes to time management and juggling all the things that you're doing which is just amazing.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta tell us your secret well I constantly feel less organized than I want to be so just full disclosure.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely don't all though I don't think we ever master yeah I I think one of the things that is really helpful to me is I sort of I do a method of the bullet journal but I'm not strict strictly bullet journal but I use some of the bullet journal sort of ethos and method I'm a very much of a list person Like I have lists for everything.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_00: So the bullet journal is helpful for me because I can have different categories of lists.
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_00: And if I if it's not written down, it's like it doesn't exist for me because there's so much going on in my life and in my brain.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_00: So the trick for me is making sure that I keep my lists organized and my lists in one place so that I don't just make some random list on some piece of paper and then lose it.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, so I would say what's helping me definitely is is learning to be more methodical with my lists and then every day redoing my list so that, you know, which is part of the bullet journal method.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um redoing my list so that they're not overwhelming.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_00: And but I do admit that sometimes I add things to my list that I've already done just to cross them off and feel good about myself.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_01: I write there with your sister.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_01: We have to, otherwise, there are days of copines and nothing gets crossed off.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't that the truth?
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_01: We have to cross off something.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_01: Well, how about some soul care for you, Mama?
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you definitely need it.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_01: Sounds like you've gotten to take some trips, but it's been work related.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_01: You know, are you a bubble bath person?
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_01: Are you, you know, coffee all alone with a good book?
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_01: What fuels your soul so you can keep it?
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I wish I and I would love to take bubble baths.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have a bath, so that's very sad.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um I I think two things that I really love to do.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_00: One is that I love to go to the beach by myself and I love to play in the sun and read a book.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I think last year I did that once, maybe.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, so I think that that's something that I would like to do more this summer.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_00: To the topic about every now and then.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_00: But one thing that I did this year that was so helpful for me, and I'm I'm wanting to make this a yearly rhythm, is that at the beginning of the year I I went and took two nights away at an Airbnb and I did my own uh version of a silent retreat.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_00: And it was good.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_00: I unplugged, I didn't do anything work related, I just did some reading, I did a lot of prayer, I took bubble baths like twice a day because I had a bath.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_00: I made sure to pick a place with the bath.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_02: That's great.
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_00: That was on the list.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, and I realized, you know, not everyone is able to do that.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I feel a huge privilege that, you know, we I actually saved up my Christmas money and birthday money and used it on that instead of shopping for clothes, which is what I normally do, is buy clothes or homewares.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_00: I thought, no, I'm gonna use it on a retreat for myself.
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I'm really lucky that my husband is crazy supportive of me and he was all for me doing this.
• 46:47
  SPEAKER_00: So he made a way for that to happen as well.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_00: And but that, you know, I mean, obviously we need to have things in place um in our daily and weekly rhythms.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but for me, that's one thing that I think was so helpful for me to have that time at the beginning of the year to really reset, refocus, seek the Lord, um, allow my life to be quiet and still enough that He actually could speak to me, bring alignment in areas that needed to have alignment.
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I highly recommend that.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I look forward to booking that in in January again.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes like those big chunks of time help us clear enough, you know, the clutter, mental clutter, then then there's like a steadier, like you know, if we can get an hour or two here or there, like it that's way more productive because we gave ourselves that large space of time to just empty and refocus and kind of get at least that's what I found for me, is I don't always I don't it's not a once a month that I need that two day retreat, but if I get that little bit of time, then when I get the hour or two the weeks after, it's like oh yeah, I can just start from there.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's not too good up here.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you so much for your time.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_01: And uh I just yeah, it your vulnerable words um really refreshed me and blessed me, and I know that they will for so many others, and I just look forward to just seeing more of what unfolds in this website where I think ministry is gonna happen through community online of people being able to share the power story, share their stories, read other stories, and go, oh yeah, someone else can understand.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_00: Brilliant.
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's um that's called our scarlet stories.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_00: So we have an Instagram account that's already active.
• 48:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so yeah, if you you know, you can find a Susie Instagram account and get to the website.
• 48:47
  SPEAKER_00: Perfect.
• 48:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um but and we've also got free book clubs going if people want more support as they're reading through um Grace Lake Scarlet.
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_00: So check that out online too.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, great.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_01: And we definitely could be read alone, but it would be better to go um along with others for sure.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_01: So will you have a beautiful day?
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_01: Go warm up in that sun, and I'm gonna go to bed.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks so much for having me, Amy.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's been a huge, huge gift to me.
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_01: Same here.
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks so much.
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_01: We may grieve, but we grieve as ones with hope.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_01: I pray for those of you facing loss as we head into the holiday season, and that you have found this conversation helpful and comforting.
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_01: For those of you moved by this conversation and grateful this is not your season to grieve, I hope you have been encouraged to pray and support for those hurting in your community.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you have a friend or a few who really need to hear Adriel's words.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_01: Please share this conversation with them and her resources.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_01: Again, all the ways to connect with her will be in the show notes.
• 49:54
  SPEAKER_01: Now, for today's meaningful minutes, I thought I'd share some practical ways to be a supportive friend for those who are experiencing loss and grief.
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_01: And way to be an amazing friend if you're already tuning in and thinking about how you can support those you care about.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_01: I know it's really hard and it's sometimes awkward to be intentional with someone is dealing with pain.
• 50:14
  SPEAKER_01: We've all at one point in time said the wrong thing or avoided the situation because of our own hurt.
• 50:20
  SPEAKER_01: But here are a few ways you might be able to help.
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_01: First of all, just be available to listen.
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_01: Those who are hurting just sometimes need a place to talk or just to know you can sit with them, even if they're not able to talk quite yet.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_01: Number two, don't be silent, but please refrain from pet answers and religious cliches.
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_01: Again, we've probably all said them when we were just trying to do the right thing.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_01: I don't always do it right, but I really believe the Holy Spirit wants to help us be the hands and feet of Jesus.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_01: Number three, give practical yet specific help.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_01: I tend to offer this sometimes too.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, if I can help in any way, let me know.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes because of our own overwhelm, it's hard to give a specific idea.
• 51:07
  SPEAKER_01: But what is really helpful, you can say, hey, I can make an extra meal on this day.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_01: Could I bring it over to you?
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_01: Or I'm doing some laundry on this day.
• 51:17
  SPEAKER_01: Can I pick up a couple of dirty clothes or baskets of dirty clothes for you and wash them while I'm at it?
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_01: I hope these meaningful minutes will give you some good ideas as you encourage those who are going through a hard time and give you really practical solutions and ways to help.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_01: Now, the other day, a friend was asking me how the anneagram could help her handle conflict better with her mom.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_01: She was wondering if it was a personality issue or something else she was dealing with.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_01: My Anneagram answer won't cover all the unique situations or disagreements, but remember we have our Aneagram resource list, and I give you several recommendations to help you better understand the Aneagram, which, in the end, gives you better understanding to your relationships.
• 52:04
  SPEAKER_01: I also highly recommend Suzanne Stabil's book, The Path Between Us.
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's specifically about how the Anneagram numbers either connect or struggle to connect.
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_01: My short answer to my friend was this is why we study the whole anneagram and not just our number.
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_01: Really, it's not good enough to just understand ourselves.
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_01: It is really important to take time to learn about those we love and want to love well.
• 52:30
  SPEAKER_01: So that's why we look at the whole anneagram, and that's why each book covers all the different types so we can be more educated.
• 52:38
  SPEAKER_01: So in my friend's situation, she knew her mom's Aneagram number, and so we could take this issue and put it through the lens of the Aneagram and determine where offense may have come in and how to communicate going further.
• 52:50
  SPEAKER_01: The root style of response and conflict did lie in the anneagram, but once we figured out why this seemingly simple communication was getting muddled, my friend was able to remember another reason this was possibly causing some pain for her mom, and therefore it brought about understanding and further beneficial communication.
• 53:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's really the old adage of walking a mile in someone else's shoes, and the anneagram gives us a very clear and understandable way to get someone else's point of view.
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_01: Now, next week I'll be dropping in your earbuds the day before Thanksgiving for the first of the holiday season episodes.
• 53:25
  SPEAKER_01: Russ Ramsay will be starting off our between the advent season with beautiful teaching about the biblical history and legacy of celebrating Christ's birth and return.
• 53:35
  SPEAKER_01: Now, we love it when you share our guests and episodes with your friends and family.
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure to invite them to come along for our special Advent season and as we begin again in 2019 with more amazing inspiration.
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_01: So, until next week, join us on the socials as we continue to pursue perspective, purpose, and plans for a simply wholehearted life.