Latest / Unshakeable with Human Design - A Human Design For Business Podcast / 383: Trusting the Whisper: How Intuition Saved Three Lives w/ Tennyson Jacobson - 3/5 Pure Generator

Transcript

383: Trusting the Whisper: How Intuition Saved Three Lives w/ Tennyson Jacobson - 3/5 Pure Generator · Unshakeable with Human Design - A Human Design For Business Podcast

• 0:02
  Nicole Laino: Welcome to Unshakeable with Human Design, the show dedicated to helping entrepreneurs use human design to shift from hustle to flow without sacrificing results. Come here to become an unshakable human and build an unshakable business according to your human design. I'm your host, Nicole Laino. Hello and welcome to Unshakeable with Human Design, everybody. I'm your host Nicole Laino and I am here with a very special guest today. I am here with Tennyson Jacobson and she has a pretty amazing story to tell and I'm going to do like a quick little intro here and then I'm going to just get to it. But her journey began with like this life altering home invasion that made national headlines.
• 0:44
  Nicole Laino: But she's got a story that she has turned into a really powerful book called the Mother of All the True Story of a Fatal Break in and the Unexpected Path to Healing. It comes out on May 13 and it is not about victimhood, it's about transformation and how a traumatic event can reveal deeper patterns in your life. This is what happened with her, how she got to see her achievement, addiction, her people pleasing her struggles with authenticity. And this did not keep her from being successful. She's the successful entrepreneur. She built Cascade CrossFit with her husband and then she later quadrupled a million dollar insurance business.
• 1:20
  Nicole Laino: So as a woman who's done a lot and now she's produced this book, she's been featured on CBS News, Glamour, the Washington Post, and really I'm excited to talk with her about challenging conventional wisdom about healing and trauma and how it's often so much more than what we think it is. She's also, I do want to say, because it's a human design show, she's also a three, five, pure generator. And she's actually going to share with us a little bit about how human design helped her on this journey as well. So I'm super excited to have you here. Welcome, Tennyson. Thank you for being here.
• 1:55
  Tennyson Jacobson : Well, thank you so much and I'm so excited to be here.
• 1:59
  Nicole Laino: So let's kick it off with your story. Why don't you share with the listeners a little bit about you and what brought you here and what brought you to the book.
• 2:09
  Tennyson Jacobson : Yeah. Thank you. So I just sometimes feel like this wrecking ball that comes in out of left field. Like, whoa. But no. So, yeah, May 13, 2013 was actually my first Mother's Day. So my daughter was eight months old and at the time my husband and I were living with my Mom. So the home I grew up in, because were saving money to build our house, so the three of us were living there and it was Mother's Day weekend, and we had just gotten home Mother's Day, so on Sunday about noon, from being gone for the weekend, we had spent time with my in laws. And at the time, we owned a CrossFit gym. And our gym was very competitive. They were a really strong team. They almost always qualified for the CrossFit Games and were so close to making it.
• 2:56
  Tennyson Jacobson : And for those who don't know much about CrossFit, like, the CrossFit Games is like the Olympics of CrossFit. It's a pretty high achievement to get there. Yeah, yeah. And my husband, so he was on the team and he was the team captain for our team. So when we got home on Mother's Day, were at the time they were trying to qualify for the game, so they needed to practice and work out and whatever. So we got home, he, within probably less than 10 minutes, was out the door to go to the gym. And then idea was I'd spend time with my mom for Mother's Day, then she was gonna go see her mom. And then Kyle and my daughter and I would go out to dinner, just the three of us. And so he leaves. And I'm picking up around the house, full transparency.
• 3:40
  Tennyson Jacobson : My mom and I, were not in the best place and we're in a little bit of an argument. And she left to go to her bathroom and take a shower. So she left. And as I'm cleaning up around the house, I see somebody start walking up to the front door. And a little context is that our house was on the outskirts of town. So we basically never had people come to our house. The pizza deliverer couldn't even find our house. And the front door is actually in the back of the house, and there are these big glass doors. So you know, your first response when somebody's walking to the front door is to greet them. And so immediately I kind of shifted to start walking to the front door. But so quickly things felt really off.
• 4:26
  Tennyson Jacobson : It's crazy how fast your brain processes details, but not really fully realizing why or how. But, you know, I'm thinking almost like, well, this is weird. This is Sunday and nobody ever comes to our house. Not only is it Sunday, it's Mother's Day. And so within a couple steps, I realized this man, who's a big man, he was walking very intensely. And I knew he was not going to stop at the front door. And he didn't. He barged right in. And my immediate reaction was to turn to my. And run towards my daughter, who I had set up on a little blanket with toys right by the couch. And so I turned and I ran towards her.
• 5:04
  Tennyson Jacobson : And before I could get to her, he had gotten to me, and he grabbed me by the ponytail, yanked me into him, took his left hand, covered my face or my mouth. And by that time, were right at the couch, which was just a few feet away from my daughter, and he bent his body over mine and he pulled me into him, and he got right next to my face and said, I won't hurt you. I just want money. And to give a little. Like, this guy, I can't even, like, explain his smell. Like, it wasn't body odor. It was like filth. And I've never. It was like this cloud that surrounded him of disgust and filth. And not only that. Like, he was so intense and so terrifying, and I had no idea who he was.
• 5:54
  Tennyson Jacobson : And so he says that in my ear, and before he even says that, like, I'm kicking and screaming and trying to get out. And, you know, I'm small, but we owned a CrossFit gym. I was pretty strong for my size, and so I always wondered, like, if I ever was in this situation. I'm kind of scrappy, like, maybe I can get out of this. But it was so, for lack of a better word, humbling just to have somebody who's almost a hundred pounds more than you, it feeling totally in control of you. And so thoughts were going through my head of as, like, is he gonna take me? What's he gonna do? Is he gonna make me take my daughter with us? So when he said, I won't hurt you.
• 6:31
  Tennyson Jacobson : I just want your money, my mind had been racing in so many places that almost felt like a little bit of a relief. Like, oh, if I just give him money, that will get him to go. So I kind of mumbled under his hands, I have money. It's in my diaper bag, which was right by the front door. So he yanks me up by my ponytail still, and he walks me to the diaper bag by the front door. And the whole time, he's like. He has one hand on my waist, and he's holding me by the hair as he walks me there. And. And he's waiting for me to find my wallet. It was stuffed with baby stuff. And then when I get my wallet, it's one of those zip wallets. So he's waiting for me to, like, Unzip the wallet.
• 7:12
  Tennyson Jacobson : And I remember just having these little feelings, like, if he wanted money, like, wouldn't he want the whole purse? Or, like, once I find the wallet, like, why wouldn't he take the whole wallet? There's credit cards and all these things. So things just felt weird. And he waits for me to get money, which I never had. Money, by the grace of God, universe, whatever. Like, I had $41. Somebody had paid me for a hoodie at our gym. So I get the money. I hand it to him. He lets go of me. And then he takes, like, one step in front of me and just stares at me with the most evil zord that's coming to mind. Because that's how it felt. But, like, his eyes were totally black. It was like he was not of this world.
• 7:54
  Tennyson Jacobson : And it was a look of, I hate you. And then he hit me super hard. I fell down, sprained my ankle. And he just walked right out. Didn't run, wasn't in a panic. Just turned left and didn't even walk down the stairs of our front porch. He hopped over the railing and was gone. So that started an investigation. I immediately called the cops. My mom heard me start screaming. She comes out in her towel. I call my husband. He comes home immediately with our friend and the friend that we own the gym with. And so that started an investigation of trying to find him. Who is this guy? They even had canine dogs that can smell pheromones. And there was part of me that's like, I don't think you're going to find any. Like, there was nothing rushed or anxious about him.
• 8:44
  Tennyson Jacobson : He was just calm and like. Yeah. And they didn't find anything. They couldn't pick up any scent where he went. And that investigation kind of went on, and it was taking a while. So we told our friend Nick, hey, take Kyle my husband's truck. Go home. This is taking so long. And my husband, he's a firefighter, so he's. I mean, every week he's gone. So this was the first time that night that Kyle would be home, but his truck was not. And so when the cops are there, I just had this feeling. Like, this, like, neutral thought came in my mind. And he's coming back. He's coming back. And it wasn't a place of panic. It wasn't anxious. It was just, he's coming back. And it took, like, everything within me to vocalize it. And so I shared it with the cops.
• 9:34
  Tennyson Jacobson : Like, I think he's coming back. Like, what if he comes back and you know, one of the cops was like, you know, in 30 years of experience, they've never come back. Another cop told me, well, of course we don't have a crystal ball, you know, but the likelihood of that happening is nearly impossible. Most likely he's homeless. You know, there's some woods behind your house. Like, some people live in the woods. And that was news to me. And most likely, you know, he's part of one of the local churches who just serves hot meals and wanted some money. But I just had this feeling and couldn't shake it. And obviously completely terrified. I mean, were people who built a community that wanted to support and make people feel better. We were not in circles of people who were like, this guy was completely unknown.
• 10:19
  Tennyson Jacobson : And so went to dinner that night trying to just, like, make things normal, even though they were not. And I was now completely traumatized just being attacked in my home, your safe place. And so that night went to bed, and I couldn't stop thinking of the feeling that he was coming back. And so I went around and double checked every lock in the house, every single window. And then I got back into bed and did it again. I could tell my husband thought I was insane. So I always slept on the side of the bed close to the bedroom door so I could get up with our daughter. So that night I was like, well, there's no way I'm sleeping next to a door. So I made him switch sides of the bed with me. And we.
• 10:59
  Tennyson Jacobson : Our home defense was a can of WASP and a wooden Louisville Slugger bat, which is so interesting. Like, I can't imagine a lot of people have these items on their bedside. But we had discussions of gun ownership. And I just was like, I don't think I could ever do that. And most likely that would be turned against me. And so when went to bed that night, my side of the bed had the WASP ray, so that's where Kyle was, and I was on the opposite. So we had two little Yorkies who slept with us. And almost every night they got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, which was crazy. But that night I wasn't sleeping.
• 11:36
  Tennyson Jacobson : I was just laying on my side of the bed, staring at the baby monitor, because I was like, if he does come back, I am going to catch him. I'm going to see. And so our dogs started wiggling as if they needed to go to the bathroom like normal. And so I woke my husband up and said, I'm not going outside. Can you please take them outside. So he was annoyed, gets up, starts leaving the bedroom, and I'm like, babe, take the bat. So convinced this guy was there and probably thinking, like, I'm not going to stop bugging him unless he did something. So he grabs the wasp spray and he leaves, walks into the hallway. And within maybe 10 seconds, our dogs come right back into bed with me. And they're shaking and they're growling and, like, burrowing into me.
• 12:21
  Tennyson Jacobson : I'm like, well, this is weird. And then I can start to hear commotion going on down the hall. And what happens from my husband's perspective is he left the bedroom door and he started walking down the hallway, and our dogs started growling. And so he turned to say, like, girls, like, be quiet, shut up. Don't wake anybody. And as he turned, the man was in our house at the end of our hallway, and he had passed our bedroom door and Lila's bedroom door. He was going to the last bedroom, which was my mom's, the master bedroom. And he immediately turned towards Kyle and he went right for him. And Kyle was basically like, oh, my God. And he took the wasp spray and sprayed it towards him as he went right for him. And the guy passed our front door to get to Kyle.
• 13:13
  Tennyson Jacobson : And as he's coming for Kyle, like, he had gardening gloves duct taped to his wrists as he's coming for Kyle. And that really started their fight together. So I'm hearing this, and my husband, like I said, you know, we owned a CrossFit gym, Strong Fit. He also was a high school wrestler. After that, he was a wrestling coach, so he had a lot of knowledge around wrestling. And then he's a firefighter, so he has experience in traumatic events and remaining calm under pressure. So, like, if there was a guy you wanted in this situation, it would be my husband. And so I run out there, and by that time, they had started fighting. And my husband was able to get this guy in a headlock.
• 13:56
  Tennyson Jacobson : So the guy's on all fours, and basically my husband has his arm wrapped around the guy's neck, and it's tucked down. And so I had grabbed the bat, ran out there. I immediately knew obviously who it was going to be. And his back was wide open. So I started slamming that bat as hard as I possibly could on him. And by the sixth time I hit him, the bat broke, which was crazy. Like, this is a adult wooden Louisville Slugger bat. And it looks like what it would in a baseball game if it breaks. Like, it was just all jagged. And so I had the thought, like, oh, I Should, like, stab this in his back. But I was like, I can't do that. So I threw the bat down and I was like, okay, well, start kicking him in the balls.
• 14:43
  Tennyson Jacobson : Like, his hips were high. And so I tried that, but because I had sprained my ankle from the first when he came in, it just was so painful every time I did it. So I tried with my left. That wasn't working. So then I see the wasp spray on the floor and I grab that, and because his head's tucked down, I'm like, okay, I know I can spray him without getting my husband. So I get crouched under him and I'm just like point blank in the eye spraying this. And he, you know, the whole time he's not making a single noise. Like the bat breaks on his. There's no ow. There's no, there's no anything. Like my husband will tell me later. But basically he was growling and grunting and trying to like, grab his balls and bite him and break his finger.
• 15:25
  Tennyson Jacobson : And so I'm spraying him with a wasp spray. And there's so much energy in there in my husband's attempt to just maintain the upper hand. And the guy's like slowly army crawling him through the dining room basically to the couch where he had first attacked me. And then it gets to a point where my husband said, tenny, I need help. And I've never heard my husband ask for help in his life before, especially when it was something physical. And it was just like a light switch that went off for me because that was like, clearly something's massively wrong here. And so I did the only thing that I could think to do, which I dropped the wasp. I ran to the kitchen. I knew we had two big 10 inch kitchen knives.
• 16:13
  Tennyson Jacobson : One was old and crappy and the other one was strong and sturdy. And I wanted to grab both of them, make sure I had the right one. And so I got the big and sturdy one and I ran back out there. And by the time, like, when I went to the kitchen, my mom had now heard everything that was going on and my husband had directed her to call 911. So she was on the phone with 911 as I'm coming back out and his back was still wide open, and I immediately started stabbing him. And by the, like, fourth time I stabbed him in the back. You know, I pull out the knife and there's like a chunk of this 10 inch kitchen knife that's gone in the middle of the blade. And it just was like, this is insane. Like this is crazy.
• 16:55
  Tennyson Jacobson : What am I doing? It made it, like, feel real to me. But I was so jacked on adrenaline and fear and everything. And I kept stabbing him. And so by the eighth time, my husband could feel his breathing shift to agonal breathing, which is basically end of life breathing. And he said, kenny, stop. And so I stopped for a moment and he let the guy's body fall to his back. And then I stabbed him once more in the gut. Because everything were doing was not stopping this guy, the bat, the wasp ray, like nothing. And just felt like were dealing with a complete monster. And so it was like, he's going to come back alive. I don't even believe that he's dead. And then finally, my husband is. I know. Kenny, stop. And so I stopped and my husband laid on top of him.
• 17:43
  Tennyson Jacobson : He was also worried this guy would come back to life. And my mom's, you know, watching this happen. And so that completely changed our lives, flipped everything upside down and started the process of the investigation and the last journey of my life for the last 12 years.
• 17:59
  Nicole Laino: So that's 12 years ago almost exactly. We're almost at the anniversary date. Your book comes out on the anniversary, which is, you know, divine and eerie and all of the things, something that, as you were telling that story, first of all, thank you for sharing that with us. And one thing that was standing out to me, and I have your human design chart in front of me, and it's not that everything comes back to human design, but kind of everything comes back to who we are. And human design tells us who we are. Your unconscious Earth gate is the 57th gate of intuition. Actually getting emotional here because I was just listening to you. Your emotion, your intuition saved you that night. And if they had listened to what the hysterical, traumatized woman was saying and there was. Your 57 sits in the spleen.
• 18:50
  Nicole Laino: It is the gate of intuition. It's the gate of clarity. And it's clarity of intuitive guidance. And what it really excels in is it's a whisper. It is just a tiny whisper of a voice that said to you, he's coming back. And that's like the spleen is an alarm system. It says we're not safe. And that is when that whisper is loudest and clearest. And I always say, I remember when I was supposed to take a test down at the World Trade center on 911 at that morning, and there was a little whisper that said, don't go now. And I didn't go. I won't go through the Whole story. But it wasn't until I learned this stuff I knew it was intuitive guidance. I was like, there was something in me that said, don't go down there.
• 19:33
  Nicole Laino: And I didn't have a great reason, but I listened, thankfully. So I was getting emotional. I was like, I've looked at your chart before, so I'm listening to this. And now the polarity of that gate is gate 51, which is the gate of shock. And so, like, it's just that, intuitive guidance. But if you hadn't said to your husband, take the wasp spray when he left the room, if you hadn't been alert, if your intuition hadn't been sounding the alarm in you, what could have happened? And I know we don't live in what could have happened, but if anything, it's just. Do you feel from then on, have you had a different relationship with your intuition?
• 20:10
  Tennyson Jacobson : Yeah. That's such a great question. It was the biggest wake up call that, like, there is something bigger that I'm not aware of. I am a people pleaser. I am a listen to the professional, like everybody else knows best more than I do. And this was the biggest moment of, like, I knew something. It took me a long time to understand all the pieces of it. There was something I got that other people couldn't have got. They weren't there. And so for me with intuition, in the first few years, I really only understood it as, like, moments to protect you in safety. Like, do I get in the elevator with this person? Is this walking on the sidewalk? Should I cross? So that's really how I understood it. And then I met a really good friend of mine who's very intuitive.
• 20:57
  Tennyson Jacobson : Oh, no, this is actually before this, when my insurance agency that I now run, when I got into insurance and left the CrossFit world, I mean, I knew nothing about insurance. And so I was like, okay, let me copy what other people do that feels aligned, and I'll just do that. And as I was hiring people, you know, I didn't know anything about it. And so I was like, okay, I'll just trust my mentors. Like, is this person a good fit? Okay, you think they're a good fit? And so I'd hire them. And every time I did that, like, I'd interview them. I'm like, something doesn't feel right. But then on paper they look good. And then my mentor's like, no, this looks like a really great opportunity. And continued to not listen to myself.
• 21:36
  Tennyson Jacobson : And so then in the business world, I started seeing, like, every time I went against that there's something I'm picking up on that they're not. And so that's real. I mean, it took at least four to five years after this event to really start to see it in more of these everyday moments, you know, expanding from just safety.
• 21:56
  Nicole Laino: I think we're in a time right now where we're sort of challenging, like what's put in front of us and what's always been done and what's the right way to do something. And I think we're collectively being challenged now to say, well, does that feel true to me? Does that feel right for me? What am I feeling when I hear that, when I encounter that? So I want to talk about. You obviously experienced a trauma that to the level that most people haven't. You have this wildly traumatic event, and then that kicks off a journey of, I'm guess, having to heal that plus. And kind of in the description of your book, really about the other things that unfold in that. Can you talk a little bit about. Obviously we know what big T trauma is. That's a big T trauma.
• 22:40
  Nicole Laino: What do you consider small T trauma? And did you deal with them differently?
• 22:45
  Tennyson Jacobson : Yeah. Such an interesting question. So immediately, you know, we basically have ptsd and we moved in with my in law's bedroom. We slept there for three months. And so couldn't sleep, couldn't go to the grocery store. Like, that paralyzed our life in so many ways. And over time, with exposure therapy and other things that weren't truly ideal, I got to a place where I was like, okay, I'm doing pretty good. Like, I can sleep alone. I can go to the grocery store. Like, life looks normal, but there was so much undercurrent still going on that I wasn't really aware of. So about five years after I was actually interviewed on somebody else's podcast. Tony Blauer, who he's an internationally known for self defense. He's incredible. I was connected to him through the CrossFit world.
• 23:30
  Tennyson Jacobson : And at the end of the interview, like, I thought I was doing good and he was like, hey, Tennyson, like, can I connect you as a good friend of mine who's a therapist? Like, I think you guys should have a conversation. And I was like, okay, yeah. And I mean, anyone you want to connect me to, like, I'll talk to. And so I get on the phone with this therapist and within five minutes I'm like, I'll get emotional now. Like, who is this person? Like, I felt so seen and validated and understood because he started just Educating me about my nervous system. And in five years of after our event, like, nobody had talked to me about the nervous system, which is shocking considering what went through and PTSD and trauma.
• 24:15
  Tennyson Jacobson : And so our engagement really started on working on my nervous system to get me regulated. And that took a long time. That took, you know, honestly, a couple years to get to a better place. And I share these stories and experiences in the book of how I worked on it. But as I got more regulated, the conversation started to turn from all of this big T trauma, fears and worries to, like, talking about some childhood stuff. And I'm a twin. And so experiences being a twin and my mom and marriage and business ownership. And so that really started to show me the smaller T moments in my life that had really shaped who I became as an adult. And. And, you know, a lot of that was tied to being a twin. For me, my twin was more the rebel. My sister.
• 25:05
  Tennyson Jacobson : I was the rule follower. I liked to do good in school. I wanted to achieve, and I was in music and band and pretty excelled at it. So anytime I had success, my mom and we've talked about this wasn't her, but was basically like, good job. Like, it was a very quiet, you know, good job. And so I learned to really be very uncomfortable, have any light on me or any praise or, you know, any spotlight. So.
• 25:33
  Nicole Laino: Because make your sister feel bad, make your sister feel inferior. Yeah, I feel that my sister had a learning disability, so I get the same thing. It was just like, you know, oh, don't shine too bright.
• 25:43
  Tennyson Jacobson : Yeah. You know, I feel so bad even talking about it, but again, my mom and I have had conversations. They were doing the best they could, and it only came from a good place. And my parents, they were also business owners that their business, like, consumed their lives. They were always gone. That was so stressful. And so I also learned little moments of, like, don't bring anything to them because I don't want to upset them. And so those are the little moments where maybe when I was a kid, like, I just needed to be seen and, like, given a hug or I had a question, but, like, at the time wasn't going to be answered. So those are the little moments that really start to stack up.
• 26:20
  Nicole Laino: And.
• 26:20
  Tennyson Jacobson : And I started to realize that in my work with my therapist, Jeff, that, like, that's shaped who I am. And now I'm big believer in ifs internal family systems, and that's the work that we've done. But these are the parts of me that were wounded when I was Younger. And so now they're frankly amazing parts of me. They're just trying to do their job and protect me. But now my work is to go back to that part, love that part, validate that part, show compassion. And then, you know, the perfectionism part or the people pleasing part, it doesn't have to speak so loud because I'm teaching it that I've got it and that it's loved and seen. So I hope that answers your question.
• 27:00
  Nicole Laino: Yeah, I think you brought up an interesting point with IFS and Internal Family Systems. Internal Family Systems is a therapeutic modality framework that I weirdly informally used not knowing it was that for a long time and teaching my clients to personify kind of parts of themselves because it allowed you to see it, like, because there's always this question. So you brought up, like, your parents, you know, they did the best that they could. That's the adult version of us looking back and not wanting to blame our parents. But the truth is that the little version of you might blame them a little bit because they're just. They're in their emotion of it, they're in their experience of it.
• 27:39
  Nicole Laino: And I always say, if you get to the truth of the feeling, the root of what caused this, or like that little version of you, that past version of you, that piece of you, and you let them say what they want to say without filtering it, without, you know, that's what loving it is. It's what that kid wanted all along, was to just be heard, to be loved and to be supported and support is allowing somebody to have the feeling that they're having and not judge them for it. Because it isn't about blaming the people who quote, unquote, caused these things. It's not. It's not a cause. It's just, as kids, we'd soak up. We don't have, like, the rationalization skills to really look at something for what it is.
• 28:23
  Nicole Laino: It's just like, oh, I was feeling something, and my mom might not have had time, but I read that as she doesn't have time for me. These little nuances that ultimately build the story of who we are and how we see ourselves. And then those become our triggers in life that say, our nervous system says, don't go that way. Freeze, flee, fawn, whatever it is that your particular strategy is, but your nervous system goes off and it says, don't go that way. Here. We're going to use this strategy to keep you from doing that again, because that was bad for us. We're scared of that didn't work out for us, and we don't want it to happen again. How have you noticed that stuff coming up?
• 29:08
  Nicole Laino: I'm thinking about the person listening to this podcast right now who's like, I haven't had that level of trauma, because thankfully, most of us haven't had that level of trauma or shock in our lives. But the smaller T trauma, these things, I think sometimes we can think that because we don't have a big one, we shouldn't claim the small ones. Which trauma is trauma? Whatever your life experience is, it's your life experience and it's what you're here to. Your journey. This was your journey that led you to where you are now. So my question is, how have you seen these smaller T issues? What problems did you see them cause in your life? What were the, you know, used ifs. Are there other tools that you use to work through anything? You could be specific or speak more macro about it, but just.
• 29:55
  Nicole Laino: Are you noticing that people pleasing was coming up? I mean, you mentioned it in your business that you were sort of outsourcing your authority to mentors and things like that. Were there other ways that you saw kind of these small T traumas holding you back in more of a strategic. In the 3D world, so to speak, not just internally?
• 30:13
  Tennyson Jacobson : Yeah, well, first of all, trauma is trauma. Like, we all experience it. Like, there is no comparison of trauma. I sometimes compare myself to other people who've gone through way worse, and I'm like, how can I even feel how I feel? Because they've gone through so much worse. And so the foundation, to me, like, if you want a magic pill, secret sauce, I don't know what you think about this, but to me, the nervous system is that, like, root and that foundation. And I'm so grateful to my therapist for starting there. And it does not take a big T trauma to throw off our nervous system. Like, our world right now is throwing off our nervous system. Just how we operate with, like, our phones. Most households are both working. There's kids, there's sports, there's friendships that have challenges. The politics. Everything is stimulating.
• 31:03
  Tennyson Jacobson : Like, you does not take big trauma to have a dysregulated nervous system. And so that is like, one of the most important practices that to me, is a practice and will have to continue to be a practice. And I don't think you can really hear your intuition if you're dysregulated. So as far as the small T stuff, like, yeah, I really started to see it in my business. First, where I'm like constantly like, oh, I need to do what they say versus myself. Or even like, again, this is insurance. So somebody emails me a question about their billing and I start typing and I might send that email. And then I'm like, I could have said it better or I should have said this, or say, somebody's policy canceled.
• 31:46
  Tennyson Jacobson : And like, we called them, but we didn't call them three times to let them know we called them once. And then I'd be like, I'm the worst agent. Like, I didn't even call them three times. Where I'm like, they also have some responsibility in this too. And so I was constantly beating myself up, like, of where I should be doing better. And I was doing pretty darn good. Like, I have more engagement with my clients than probably most. And so I started to see it there. And then I. I'd see it in friendships where I'd say something and I'm a pretty soft spoken, like, people pleaser type personnel. I would say something and I'm like, oh my gosh, maybe they think that was mean. Like, did that, could that come across mean? And so I'd constantly second guess myself.
• 32:32
  Tennyson Jacobson : And then I go to bed and like, I couldn't sleep because I'm like, oh my gosh, what if they think I said this when I really didn't mean this? And those are moments that started to stack in like, all areas of my life where I was just completely like, drowning in, like, not feeling like I was doing a good job at things. And so there are lots of different parts that play. And also just like fully kind of realizing, like, I'm not being the most authentic version of myself and I'm not truly happy because I'm always trying to live up to these certain expectations I put on myself everywhere. So as far as healing modalities, IFS is certainly a huge one.
• 33:09
  Tennyson Jacobson : But truthfully, I mean, human design not came in 2021 when I heard about somebody I respected, she did it and she had all these crazy insights. And when I did my first session, first of all, I was terrified because, like, I kind of come from this Christian background where it's like, am I talking to, like, what is this? Like, am I going to go to hell for this? But I had really committed myself to, like, I'm so driven by purpose and fulfillment and I had made a deal with myself. Like, if I can afford it and I'm curious about it, I'm going to do it.
• 33:41
  Tennyson Jacobson : And so I did this session of human design and to sit with somebody for hour and a half where they're just telling you these things that like they're not things that you can just like Google or whatever or even that my close friends know. And so that gave me some framework to start using. I did an Akashic record reading which was even more so, a little scary. But that was like they were all these little things that started to really remind me and empower me of when you are following, what excites you and what you're curious about and what you feel intuitively drawn to. Like that is for you, even if people don't get it. And so it took a lot of tapping as one of these things. So meditation, my therapist brought that in mindfulness.
• 34:29
  Tennyson Jacobson : And so now these are all practices that like I have to use to.
• 34:35
  Nicole Laino: Well, it becomes kind of you're actually processing day to day life rather than bypassing it, getting by and walking around with whatever was inconvenient for you to feel bubbling under the surface. And someone else has to tell me because I can't handle things. It's sort of like what your nervous system is saying, like, we can't handle it. We're overflowing already. But tell everybody thank you for coming on the show and for sharing all of this. Tell everybody, where can they stay in touch with you? Where can they get the book? Tell them all the things.
• 35:07
  Tennyson Jacobson : Yeah, thank you. So my website is, hey, it's Tenny T E N-N-Y.com Instagram, Tennyson Jacobson. So that's really where you can get all the things. And in the back of the book there's a resource page too. But when you go to the website there's also some more resources there. Yeah, yeah.
• 35:27
  Nicole Laino: If you go to her website, there's a whole kind of framework there. You can sign up and then you'll send the link to order the book. Right.
• 35:34
  Tennyson Jacobson : They sign up for the list and you'll get then a link once the book's ready. But I created this five day email series because the book really is like the whole point of the book was media featured our story but like nobody shares the after story and really what that looks like. And there's so many books out there that's like, you know, how tos or the 10 steps to this. Well, I really learned from story and seeing what people actually do. And so the goal was to be most authentic and sharing what that all looked like after and not just healing from ptsd, the small T's and then trying to live the most authentic and purposeful life. And so the five day email series is literally all the resources and things that I've tried that I love.
• 36:20
  Tennyson Jacobson : And it's not to say you have to go do it. It's just options and things I love so much.
• 36:26
  Nicole Laino: I believe that these things kind of come into your life sometimes at the right time. So if you're feeling that, if you're like, I feel like I want to start diving into nervous system regulation. I want to start to really see what's happening under the surface because I know that the things that I think that I can control, sometimes I feel like I can't control them or I'm trying too hard to control them. All of those are reasons to start looking inward. So I hope that you go to the website. We will of course link all of this up in the show notes for you. Please go pre order her book. The book is called the Mother of All the True Story of a Fatal Break in and the Unexpected Path to Healing.
• 37:03
  Nicole Laino: So please go pre order that book so you can hear the entire story. We gave you a little bit of a taste here, but really see what it takes to overcome something like that. And I think that the one thing when someone shares a story like this, it does make you feel like overcoming what you are experiencing feels possible. And when they share the tools worked for something like this and they uncovered all of these other what feel like smaller issues because they're not as big moment traumatic, but they hold you back from what is your purpose and what is right for you. So I love that you wrote this book. Congratulations on it finally coming out.
• 37:42
  Nicole Laino: I appreciate you coming here to share the story with us and thank you listener for making it all the way to the end of this episode with us. We appreciate you. And remember, in order to have an unshakeable business, you must first become an unshakeable human. So thanks for letting us help you become unshakeable with human design everybody. We will see you next time. If you love this episode and you're a fan of the show, please show us the love on itunes, Spotify or wherever you're listening to the show and leave us a review. And if you'd like to connect with other entrepreneurs on their human design journey, join our free Facebook community, Human Design for entrepreneurs. Go to NicoleLaino Me PodcastLinks to join the group, book a human design reading with me or access our free human design resources. We'll see you there.
• 38:24
  Nicole Laino: Sam.