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For the Family: Preparing Your Heart to Pray · The Father's Business Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: When we're praying for somebody that we love, are we actually interceding for them or are we trying to manage them through our prayer?
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: Being right about what might help them and being responsible for making it happen are two very different things.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: That's a very important distinction because I can bring someone to God, or I can bring God my plan for someone.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I can call both of those things prayer.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Hey friends, I'm Kimberly.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm Elizabeth, and this is the Father's Business Podcast, born out of Sylvia Gunter's heart for people to know who God is and who they are in Him.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: So wherever you're listening from today, we pray that you will sense his nearness and know that you are his beloved sons and daughters.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: We're really glad you're here with us today.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Father's Business Podcast.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: We are so glad you've joined us.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Last week we started our For the Family series talking about loving the people closest to us without trying to do God's job in their lives.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Which I know, Elizabeth, you probably find mildly inconvenient.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I do as well at times.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because as you said, I think last week you have excellent suggestions for several people.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: But apparently God is not always wanting our improvement plans.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: Apparently not, Kimberly, which I honestly I think it some things could be improved if he would.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: But that really does lead us where we want to go today because before we can start asking God to change somebody else, there's another person in this relationship that he may want to talk to, and that's me.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't like that nearly as much as it sounds.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: Probably none of us do.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's much easier for us to see what's happening in someone else's life.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: I can tell you that they're impatient, that they're unkind, that they're being defensive, but when I do the same thing, I have context.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: I know why I did it.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: I can explain to you why I responded the way I did.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: I know I was tired.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: I know what happened earlier.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: I know what you said that caused me to respond that way.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: So I have context.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because we know our intentions.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I often talk about intentions versus impact.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I can look at something and I can say, I know that sounded harsh, but I was trying to help.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Or I know what I meant here.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't mean that.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: But if someone else speaks harshly to me, then sometimes I'm not nearly as interested in their intentions because I feel their impact.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: So there is a distinction there.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's one of the ways I appreciate the way the For the Family book begins.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Sylvia doesn't immediately give us prayers for everybody else.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: She starts with preparing ourselves to pray.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: So there's a section in this book, and let me pause and say, if you don't have a copy of For the Family, it is an excellent resource.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: You can go to our website, there you go, and you can purchase one of these books.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: I've given it out to so many people in the past.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's excellent.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: But there's a section in the book called Steps to Powerful Prayer.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: And there are 12 different things listed there.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: What stands out to me the most is how many things happen before we ever ask God for anything.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: So before we're even praying, we're worshiping.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: We're called to be still, to confess, to submit, to believe, to listen.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: And all of those things tell me something about the reality of prayer.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because most of the time when I think about praying for someone, I'm thinking about my request.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like, God, here's what's going on, and here's what I need you to do.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that because we're bringing our request to God.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Scripture tells us to bring our request to God.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: But prayer first actually puts me in the presence of God.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I think we need to remember that.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: And worship reminds me of who he is.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: So before I bring my request to him, maybe I need to worship him.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I need to recognize I'm in his presence.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I need to be still because that gives me enough space to notice what's happening inside of me, which then leads me to confession because that helps me be honest.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: And then submission, we talked about that a lot in our last prayer and filtered series.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: That reminds me that I'm not the one in charge of the outcome, sadly and gladly, right?
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: But listening to God gives God the chance to say something that I haven't already decided he should say.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: You know, Elizabeth, sometimes you're praying in a group instead of listening to the person who is praying.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: You're busy trying to figure out what you're gonna say when it comes your turn around the circle or whatever, right?
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: And at some point I think, well, maybe instead of just fretting over what I'm gonna say and what I've decided, maybe I should just ask the sovereign God of the universe what he wants me to pray.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: That is a radical idea, Kimberly.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I think we do the same thing with our families.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: We come to God and we have the prayer already decided of what we want them to do.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, especially when we've known the person for a long time.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: I know their history, I know their patterns, I have diagnosed the problem, and I'm ready to brief God.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: And he may be saying, Would you just sit with me first and just bring yourself to me?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: Which kind of brings us to another section that mom put in the book called the love checkup.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: And it's basically taking First Corinthians 13 and turning it back towards yourself.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's not, is my husband being patient with me?
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: Are my children being kind?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: But am I loving the people in my family according to God's definition of love?
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: I really like that phrase, according to God's definition.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think that reminds me that of course I love my family, but that's not usually the question.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: The question is, what does love look like when you're frustrated?
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, Elizabeth, we've talked about this, we've been honest.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: There are times where I speak to my family and you speak to your family in a way that we would never speak to a stranger if we're honest, you know?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: True.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that family can be that place where we feel the safest, and it's the place where we can become pretty careless and we assume they know I love them, they know I'm tired.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: What else?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: They know what I meant.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, they know that even though I said it with that tone, which is the one I get a lot of time, it's not your words, it's your tone.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: My heart was in the right place.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: But at some point we have to ask whether we are asking everyone around us to interpret our behavior through our intentions.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: And that gets a little too convicting and very uncomfortable because I can say I was only trying to help, but maybe the way I helped didn't feel very loving to the person that I was trying to be helpful to.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, or maybe what I thought was helpful was actually control.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's the thought I was having, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to say it or not.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, because then we have to live it.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because what I call honesty can be harsh because sometimes my tone is judgmental if I'm honest.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes what I call discernment could have walked that slippery slope of turning into judgment.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where I think that love checkup becomes really useful.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a scorecard, but it's more like holding our hearts up to the light, right?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, or maybe looking at our heart in the mirror.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's really important that we don't turn that into try harder to be better at loving everybody.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: Love is a fruit of the spirit.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: And we did a whole podcast series on the fruit of the spirit, and over and over we came back to the fact that the spirit is love.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: And so therefore, I have an absolute choice I make about how I treat someone, but there's also people I cannot love well for very long out of my own resources.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: I have to rely on the spirit in me.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: There are times my prayer really is, Jesus, I love this person, but I do not feel very loving towards them right now.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: I would like to throw them down the ridge that I live on, but I need your love to move through me.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I think, Elizabeth, that's an honest prayer.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: And we around here at the Father's Business, we want our prayers to be honest.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I think there's another question that fits in here.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's when we're praying for somebody that we love, are we actually interceding for them or are we trying to manage them through our prayer?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, this podcast is getting too convicting.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's like God help them understand, God make them see, God, please get them to make this decision.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: And again, Elizabeth, we know there may be genuine love underneath all of that.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I think there is, especially when you see someone hurting and I want to stop their pain, or I can see what I think would make their situation better, or I want them to do that certain thing.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes I may be right.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, a lot of times I think I am right, but sometimes I may know what is right.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: But being right about what might help them and being responsible for making it happen are two very different things.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: Because I can bring someone to God or I can bring God my plan for someone.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I can call both of those things prayer.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's where we have to ask what else is mixed in to my concern that I have, because we are concerned.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: But like you said, am I bringing someone to God or am I bringing God my plan for someone?
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: I like to repeat that because I really liked how you said that.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I think we have to ask, is there fear there?
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: Is there frustration there?
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Do I feel responsible for the outcome?
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: I can resonate with that a lot.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe their decision is creating discomfort for me, and I feel like I need them to change so that I can actually feel better.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Those are some good questions to think through.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and sometimes the answer is yes.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: Not because we're terrible people, but because we love them and our lives are connected.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: But God may need to separate out what is love from them from what is fear.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: Or what is care from the control that we were talking about.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I've had to learn that one.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: Ugh, there's a difference between carrying someone and interceding for someone, and that is very hard.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: When I carry them, I feel responsible for what happens next, and I feel a lot of pressure dependent on what the outcome's going to be.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: When I intercede, I bring them to the one who actually has the wisdom and the power to meet them.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: And there's such a sense of peace that comes when I bring them to him versus trying to carry them myself.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: You know, before we ask who God needs to be for the other person, we're talking about us too and getting our own hearts right.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: So we may need to ask who he wants to be for us.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that gets us back to maybe helping us get out of that seat of control or whatever.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes the thing that's driving my prayer is actually my own unmet need.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: Kimberly, that idea of unmet needs reminds me of the story behind one of the sections of the book called I Am for Your Every Need.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: This happened when I was in college, which you so rudely like to tell me was 30 years ago.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for that.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: What?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: Uh nothing.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: Did you say plus?
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: Nope, not at all.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Carry on with your story, Elizabeth.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure it's gonna be a great one.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm surprised I can remember it.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: So I was a freshman or sophomore in college.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's kind of I think it was actually this the summer between my freshman and sophomore year.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I was living in a house with a bunch of people, and there was basically no place to be alone.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I was going through a difficult relationship situation, as you can imagine happens when you're living in a house with a bunch of people, and there was conflict, and I felt misunderstood, and I felt falsely accused, and there was just a lot going on, and I needed somewhere to get away, and the only place I could find was this tiny laundry room.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: It was basically big enough for the washer, the dryer, and a little space right in front of it to walk.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I went in there and I shut the door and I sat down on the floor with my journal and I just started writing writing, God I feel, and I started the list of everything.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: I feel misunderstood, I feel accused.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: There was at least 15 to 20 different things on that piece of paper by the time I just let it all out.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: And nobody told me to do this.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: I wasn't following an exercise.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: I was just trying to get out what was going on inside of me onto a piece of paper before God.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I sat there with it and I started going back through the list.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: And as I did, one by one, God began reminding me who he was.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: So as I would read, I feel falsely accused, I just felt that still small voice say to me, I am the truth.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: And when I wrote down, I feel alone, again, he said to me, I am Emmanuel.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: And he kept bringing me back to who he was.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_01: And what was interesting is that God didn't explain any of the circumstances to me.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: It didn't magically make the relationships better.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: He didn't tell me who was right, he didn't tell me what was gonna happen, he didn't fix the conflict that was going on, he just revealed who he was to me.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: And that began to change what was happening inside me before we ever got to what was going on in the relationship.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's probably a really important distinction because it sounds like the circumstances aren't changing as you walk out of the laundry room, right?
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: No, not at all.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: They were all still sitting there right outside the laundry room.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but it sounds like your understanding of what you had available to you had changed, which is powerful.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: You weren't just left with those feelings and the situation, you were starting to see things the way God saw it and that God was in it.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I remember later I showed that piece of paper to my mom, and she looked at me and she's like, Where did you learn to do this?
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, I don't know.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, nobody taught me.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_01: I imagine college age Elizabeth in all of her wisdom, uh, talking to her mother.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: But looking back, she did teach me because she didn't sit down with me and say, Elizabeth, when you're overwhelmed, make two columns in your journal.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: I had watched her live this.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: I had listened to her declare who God was.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: I had watched her turn to the character of God in her own needs.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so when I needed it, something in me knew where to go.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: And then, of course, she put it into her book, as she often did.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's a cool family lesson, though, because we do spend a lot of energy thinking about what we're intentionally or deliberately teaching people, especially children.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: But people are also learning by watching us.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: They say more is caught than taught, right?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so people see us when we have our needs, they wonder, where do you go when you're afraid?
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: What do you do?
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: When you're hurt, what do you do?
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: When somebody disappoints you, how do you talk about them?
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: When you get something wrong, do you apologize?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: We learn from how people around us respond.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I can remember times, particularly when I was younger in ministry, when I would finally get quiet to pray, quiet enough to pray.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: And the first thing I met with was all the noise inside myself, right?
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: The people I needed to call, the situation I need to solve, the thing I need to do, the task on my list.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes stillness doesn't immediately feel peaceful.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the stillness actually shows you how unpeaceful you already are, how much is stirring.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: But once I can see what's there, I can choose to bring it to God.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: We often talk about putting it in the for Jesus to-do box, trusting him with it.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: And something I keep coming back to is that people were never meant to be everything for us.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: We need people.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: We see in Genesis that God created us for a relationship.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: But if I need another person to make me secure, to make me valuable, to make me okay, I've said it a thousand times, that's a train wreck waiting to happen, and that relationship is carrying a weight it cannot hold.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because then their behavior has this enormous power over me.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, Elizabeth, if I need you to understand me so that I will feel okay, then I'm gonna fight with you to make sure that you understand me.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna push against you, and then I'm undoing the very thing I'm longing for in some ways, right?
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: If I need you to reassure me, I may keep pressing in until you give me the response that I need.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: If I need you to make me feel safe, I may start trying to control what you do.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: So we're at odds with ourselves when we're even trying to get another person to make us feel secure and safe.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's just not how it was really designed.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: Kimberly, I think that's at the heart of a lot of conflicts we have, especially with people we're closest to, that we can sometimes naturally lean that way towards wanting them to give us something like that, which brings us right back to prayer.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: God, who do you want to be for me here?
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe I need him to be peace because I'm panicking and I'm anxious.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe I need him to be security because I feel rejected, or I'm looking to you, Kimberly, or someone else, to be some type of security for me.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe I need wisdom because I genuinely don't know whether I need to speak or be quiet, which that one can be hard to know.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_01: We take the time to ask the question, who is God for me?
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I deal with my own stuff.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: And once I've dealt with some of that happening in me, I can ask the next question, which is God, who do you want to be for this person?
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: And that has really changed the way I pray because I can spend 20 minutes telling God every detail of someone's problem, and God is probably there going, uh, yeah, Elizabeth, I was there and I have the full file.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: There's nothing wrong with pouring our hearts out.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: The Psalms makes plenty of room for that and so many examples of pouring out our emotions and the details of what we feel is going on.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: But I don't want to spend the entire prayer rehearsing the problem.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: So if someone I love is afraid, I can pray, God, reveal yourself as refuge and peace.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: If they're confused, I can pray for them for God to be their wisdom, or if they're grieving, for God to be their comfort.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: If they're making choices I don't understand, then I don't try to tell God the right decision the person should be making.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: I ask God, will you be their shepherd?
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: Will you pursue them?
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: Will you speak in a way that they can hear you?
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and that really frees us from having to know the whole answer.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: You may not know what they need to do next.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we genuinely feel like we can tell people what they need to do.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes God gives us that wisdom and we are in community for that reason.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: And we may not know what they need, but we can know that they need God.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: And God knows how to reveal Himself to them far better than I do.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: There's one more part in For the Family that Sylvia calls clean hands, pure heart inventory.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: That language can kind of sound serious, and yet the invitation is simple.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: The invitation is God, is there anything in me that is getting in the way of loving and praying well?
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe there's bitterness in me, maybe there's fear in me, maybe I'm holding on to an offense, maybe there's pride, maybe there's something he asked me to make right, and I haven't done it yet.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: And this isn't about cleaning ourselves up enough so that God will finally listen to us.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about cleaning ourselves up enough so that God will finally listen to us.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, your recording did not skip.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: I said that twice because it's important.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: We can't clean ourselves up enough, and then God will listen to us.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: We come to God because of Jesus.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: Grace doesn't mean that we never have to look honestly at our sin.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: Grace is what makes it safe to honestly look at our sin.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to hide because Jesus' grace has covered us.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's a big difference between conviction and shame.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: Shame says, look at you, you're terrible at this, you've messed it all up.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: Oh da da da da da da da da you, poor you, right?
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: Conviction says that response that you just gave isn't giving life.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: Let me show you another way.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: Which means one of the best things we can do for our families as we pray for them is become people who are willing to be corrected, not people who never get it wrong.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: We want to be people who can say, I was wrong, I reacted out of fear, I was controlling, I spoke too harshly, and will you forgive me?
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: I think that teaches our families something important about God.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to pretend to be perfect in order to belong to Him.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so we spent some time today can't really talking through the parts of for the family that really focus in on us.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: So instead of giving a long list of things to do this week, we want to leave you with four questions.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_01: The next time something happens with someone you love and you feel that reaction rising up in you, like we talked about last week, that fruit of the spirit, we left it in the car.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: The first thing I want us to be able to stop and ask is what am I feeling?
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: Not just what did they do?
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_01: What's happening inside me?
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_01: What am I feeling?
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: And then the next question is, what am I tempted to do?
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: Do I want to fix it, control it, lecture it, withdraw, rescue, get everyone to agree that my perspective is right.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: So what am I feeling?
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: And then what is my immediate reaction of what I want to do?
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then the next question is, who is God for me here?
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: What do I need from him in this moment?
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: And the fourth question, who is God for the person that I love?
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: So again, instead of deciding what they need, ask God how he wants to reveal himself to them first.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: And none of that means that we don't act.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: None of that means that we don't still have a conversation or still hold a boundary, or maybe there's still a decision that we need to make.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: But hopefully you are responding after you've been with God instead of simply reacting out of whatever got stirred up in you.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and especially with family, this is really easy for us to go.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: Just walk your way through these four questions and a whole lot harder to live.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: But God is our comfort and our strength, and He can walk with us through this so that we're no longer trying to react by controlling or fixing, but we're taking the time to ask the questions, who is God for me here and who is God for the person that I love?
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: So maybe that's the heart of today.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: Before I ask God, what are you going to do about them?
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: I can ask, what do you want to show me?
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: And before I decide I already know what to pray for my friends and family, I could ask, what do you want me to pray?
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_01: Because sometimes one of the most powerful things we can do for our family is not figure out how to change them.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm speaking to myself as much as anyone else, but it's getting ourselves back into the right place before God within our own hearts.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: So as we close out today, we're gonna pray.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: Next week, we're gonna come back together and talk about spiritual warfare and family relationships.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: And one truth to hold on to as we talk about that next week, because we're gonna have to remember it over and over again, is the person standing in front of us is not the enemy.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: So join us next week for more of that conversation.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: But for today, let's pray.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: Father, you know us completely.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: You know what happens inside of us when we're afraid, when we're hurt, frustrated, or when we're worried about someone we love.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: God, give us the courage to let you search our hearts.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: Show us where concern has become fear, where love has become control, where hurt has become bitterness, and where we need your grace to respond differently.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, God, that we don't have to hide those things from you.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: And Father, teach us to love the people in our lives from the overflow of the love you have for us when we are trying to carry someone.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: Would you help us release them back into your hands when we're trying to fix them?
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: Remind us that you are their savior, not us.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: Father, would you show us who you want to be for us in the places where we are needy and afraid and unsure, where we have anxious thoughts for the people that we love, and come into the deepest needs of the people we love and give them a fresh revelation of who you are.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_01: Teach us to listen before we assume and pray before we react and help us learn to trust you with what only you can do.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: And we just pray all this in the mighty name of Jesus.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_01: We will see you next time, friends.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: This podcast is made possible through donations by people like you.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: To donate, go to www.thefathersbusiness.com.
• 24:00
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