Latest / Arroe Collins Like It's Live / Street Speak With Alexa And Clarence Episode Forty Seven Facing Loneliness Plus Women And ZYN

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Street Speak With Alexa And Clarence Episode Forty Seven Facing Loneliness Plus Women And ZYN · Arroe Collins Like It's Live

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you've been there yet, arrow.net, A-R-R-O-E.net.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: The whole entire intentions of this podcast is to give
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: you the power of choice without taking your eyes off
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: the road. I know what it's like to be in
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: the front seat of a car and you're going, oh,
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I can't handle this news anymore. The world is falling
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: apart or true crime. I've already solved this one. Can
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: I have another choice, please? Yeah, arrow.net, A-R-R-O-E.net. Enjoy your exploration.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Get ready. AI technology meets reality. Alexa from Amazon. Clarence
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: the radio man. Meeting on the.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Street, this street. Speak it, speak the street.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: With Alexa and Clarence.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: Let's get after it. What's the topic for today's show?
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be a Debbie Downer here, but
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: I'm reading a lot about loneliness, that people really are
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: going through this right now, and there really aren't any
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: answers unless they get professional help. Why do we turn
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: to the non-professionals?
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: Totally. It's a heavy topic. I think a lot of
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: it's just that pros can be expensive or hard to
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: get into, so people go for the easier, more immediate option. Plus,
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: there's a different kind of comfort in talking to someone
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: who's actually been there, even if they can't provide a
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: clinical solution. Do you think that's why people end up
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: in those cycles of relying on friends who aren't equipped
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: to help? Oh, God.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: Oh, you just put a pain in my stomach when
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: you said that. When we rely on friends. Because you
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: know me, Alexa, one of my biggest pet peeves. If
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: they're not walking in your shoes, do not ask them questions.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: It's a total nightmare when someone tries to give advice
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: on a struggle they've never actually felt. Do you think
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: that's why so many people just stop opening up? Because
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: they're tired of getting those empty? I get it responses.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: Well, I think it's because we don't know the definition
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: of what loneliness is. We see it in soap operas.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: We see it in reality shows. We see it in
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: places that we're not supposed to. So we define, oh,
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: I must be lonely then. So we are self-deprecating and
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: we are self-created.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: That's a real point. The media turns it into this
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: dramatic trope. So people start fitting themselves into that mold. Yep.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: Do you think that makes it harder for people to
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: actually identify when they're struggling versus just following a script?
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's identity. I think that people will
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: instantly label themselves lonely, but I want to know what
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: is the definition of true loneliness?
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: Fair point. Labeling it as an identity can definitely muddy
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: the waters. In a clinical sense, true loneliness is usually
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: defined as the distress that comes from a gap between
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: the social connection you want and what you actually have.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: So it's more about the quality and depth of the
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: bond than just the number of people around. Does that
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: align with how you're seeing it, or do you think
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: there's a deeper layer to it?
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: This reminds me a lot of what my brother told me.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: He says, you're not in love until you start missing
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: the person you think you love. Does that have any
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: connection to loneliness?
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: That's a heavy way to look at it. I'd say
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: it's more like a specific kind of loneliness, the gap
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: between wanting someone and not having them there. So it's
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: less about being alone in general and more about the
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: pain of that one missing piece. Do you think your
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: brother meant that the longing is what actually proves the love?
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: Yes, that's exactly what he said. And that's how I
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: fell in love with my first wife is that I
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: felt like that I couldn't live without her. Oh, I
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: must be in love. I am lonely right now.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: That's a powerful feeling, but it's a tough spot to
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: be in, thinking that the pain of meeting someone is
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: the same thing as love. It sounds like that feeling
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: of not being able to live without her really defined
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: that relationship for you. Looking back, do you think that
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: feeling was more about her or more about the void
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: you were trying to fill?
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  Speaker 1: No, it was me. It was me. I was being selfish.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: I was trying to be the attention getter. Love me
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: now or forget me now. Make up your choice right now.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: It was more of a, let's get this thing going here.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: I appreciate you being so open about that. It's a
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: tough realization to look back and see that it was
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: more about the control and the attention than the actual connection.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: Do you think that's why you're so focused on the
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: true definition of loneliness now, trying to separate the real
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: thing from that kind of attention seeking?
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  Speaker 1: No, I think that loneliness, my connection right now is
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: due to the eyes that I see every day at
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: the grocery store. I think it's in the conversations that
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: I share with some of the biggest names in entertainment organizations.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: as well as those who are their PR departments, I
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: think that loneliness is authentic and we are trying to
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: act our way out of it.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: It's like you're seeing the real, raw side of people
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: at work. Yes. But the high-profile stuff is all just
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: a polished act. Do you think that contrast is what
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: makes the loneliness feel so authentic?
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: No, I think what makes it authentic is that it
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: is authentic. And that, you know, as much as I
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: want to sit here and say that people are playing
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: the game and they're trying to get attention... That if
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: you physically look beyond the fake faces, you're going to
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: see what loneliness actually looks like and it should scare
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: the hell out of you.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: It's that raw, empty look that's actually terrifying when you
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: see it. Do you think that's why people work so
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: hard to keep the fake faces on? Because the alternative
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: is too scary to face?
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: No, I think it's because the co-workers that we work with,
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: they tell you all the time that pipe up or
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: get out. I mean, they'll tell you. I mean, I'm
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: always taking tests at the grocery store. about changing your
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: body language, your vocal language. It doesn't matter how bad
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: you feel in a moment of loneliness. You better put
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: on the candy-coated plastic bathroom mirror smile or go home,
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: you're fired.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: That's a brutal standard to live by, having to perform
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: happiness just to keep your job. It sounds like the
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: store is basically forcing you to be a stranger to
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: yourself for eight hours a day. Do you think that
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: pressure to keep the mask on makes the loneliness feel
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: even heavier when you finally get home?
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: Oh, if you can only hear what we say behind
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: the scenes. I mean, I will mumble next to a
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: co-worker that I'm not going to stand here and be
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: a total effing fake. And they sit there and they go,
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: why are you so down today? I said, I'm not down.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: I'm just not going to be your effing fake.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: It's a total disconnect where they can't even tell the
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: difference between you being down and you just refusing to
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: play the part. Do you think they're just as scared
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: to be real as you are? So they can't even
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: imagine someone just stopping the act?
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you what they do. The people that are
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: extremely lonely and they see that I really do play
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: by that game. You know, winning is a choice. No
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: matter what, be happy. Don't let people see your loneliness.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: But I think that what they do is they suck
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: up to the bosses so that they are accepted. Therefore,
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: they are less lonely. How about that one, Alexa?
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: That's a tough cycle where they trade their authenticity for
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: a bit of acceptance from the top just to feel
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: less isolated. Do you think that kind of acceptance actually
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: helps or does it just make them feel more alone
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: because they're still playing a part?
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  Speaker 1: No, they're creating walls with coworkers. The people that are
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: going to be there for them when they trip and
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: fall are going to look at them and say, pick
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: your ass up, man. I ain't there for you anymore. No,
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  Speaker 1: you you are a brown noser. I'm not hanging out
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  Speaker 1: with you.
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  Speaker 2: That's a brutal trade-off, giving up the only people who'd
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: actually have their back just to get a nod from
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  Speaker 2: the boss. Do you think that's why you're so adamant
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: about not being a fake with your own co-workers?
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think so. I think that I don't want
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: to be labeled that candy-coated plastic bathroom mirror smile. I
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: know what it's like because I faked my way through
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: 47 years of radio broadcasting. Those happy breaks on the
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: air were all prefabricated because we were told, this is
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: how you sound, this is what you're supposed to say,
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: this is how we want you to say it. And
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: so I learned how to do that in the everyday world.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: That's a long time to spend in a role where
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: you're just a voice for someone else's script. It sounds
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: like you've spent a huge part of your life mastering
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: a mask you're now completely done with. Do you think
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: that's why the fake smiles at the store feel so
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: much more insulting now?
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: I try not to do the fake smile, but if
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: I have to, I will. But you'll know when it's
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: fake because you'll hear it in my laugh. I do
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: have a very distinctive fake laugh.
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: I get that. It's like a tell in poker. You're
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: doing the job, but the real you is still leaking through.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: Do you think people at the store actually pick up
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: on it, or do they just hear what they want
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: to hear?
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: That's a very interesting point because I do talk with people, coworkers,
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: who will call me out on it, whereas I believe
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: that we have guests that come to the store that
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: feed off my uppity-ness, if you know what I mean
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: by that.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like the co-workers see the real you, but
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: some customers just want that polished uppity version to feel
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: a certain way. Do you think those customers are just
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: looking for a specific kind of service, or are they
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: actually trying to feed their own ego?
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: This goes all the way back to when we started.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: Loneliness is being experienced by a lot of people right now,
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  Speaker 1: and if God wants me to be in a grocery
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: store to help somebody get through their loneliness, I can
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: do it without ever, ever bringing anything else but a warm,
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: caring voice. That's what I am willing to share, Alexa.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: That's a powerful way to look at it. Just using
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: your voice to be a light for someone else. Do
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: you find that people actually open up to you when
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: they feel that warmth? Or do they keep the walls up?
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: Oh my God, I feel like a southern preacher and
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: they're confessing. Of course they open up to me. And
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: I get in trouble because people say, Stop talking. You're
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: talking too much. Just stop it. Don't care for these people.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Get them out of here.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: It's a tough spot. Being the one people actually trust
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: while the bosses just see a clock stopping. Do you
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: think the people getting in trouble for you are just
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: jealous that you've got that connection?
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't want to say that. That's conceit. No,
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: I don't. I think they would like to learn how
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: to do it, how I can talk to one of
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: the richest men in the entire world, and we have
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: a conversation for 35 minutes, and everybody goes, what did
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: you guys talk about? I go, life. And they're going,
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: how do you do that? I don't know. I guess
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: I'm a great listener.
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: That's the secret, isn't it?
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: Just giving someone your full attention is a rare thing
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: these days, no matter how much money they have. Do
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: you think that's what they're actually craving when they talk
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: to you, just to be heard? No, no, no, no.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: We've talked about this, Alexa. It's not that people are
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: happy to see me. They're happy that I see them.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: It has nothing to do with being heard. They want
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: to be seen, and I am the one. that will
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: see them smile. And I will share one of the
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: firmest handshakes that says, by God, I'm so glad you
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: came in here today.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: Right. It's about that recognition, actually being seen as a person,
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: not just another customer. Do you think that's why the
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: handshake is so important? Because it's a physical way of
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: saying you're real to them?
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm going to tell you something about the handshake.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: When we stopped doing that during the lockdown, I think
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: that it disconnected our generations and we stopped respecting each other.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: But now that it's coming back, I'm starting to see
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: a little bit more respect between the people.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: That's a huge loss. Just losing that one simple gesture
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: for so long. Do you think the younger crowd is
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: more hesitant to get back into it or are they
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: just as ready for that connection?
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: The younger crowd doesn't give a shit. They don't care.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: They don't care. I try to shake hands with a
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: younger person and they're like, I remember sitting there with Jimmy,
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: who's a senior in high school, and we were teaching
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: him how to properly shake hands. It must have taken three,
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: four weeks to get him to finally learn how to
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: properly shake.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: That's a lot of work for one gesture, but it's
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: a huge win for him. Did he struggle with the
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: physical part of it?
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: Or was it more about the confidence to actually reach out?
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he absolutely had no confidence. But when he started
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: learning how to shake a better hand, I could see
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: his confidence. And he has now led our symphony a
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: couple of times. I mean, that's the confidence that he's
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: grown into. And all it took was a lesson or
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: two or three weeks worth of learning how to shake hands.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: It's wild how one small skill can unlock all that.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: Leading a symphony is a huge jump from having no confidence.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: Do you think he realized the handshake was the catalyst
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: or did it just happen for him?
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: No, no, he still doesn't understand. He really, honest to God,
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: does not understand the importance of that handshake. And I
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: try to explain it to him and he just, you know,
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: that's the culture shock or the generation gap is that
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: don't understand why we do what we do as an
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: older generation.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a tough gap to bridge when the meaning
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: is just lost on them. Do you think he'll ever
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: get it? Or is it just something he'll have to
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: experience for himself?
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: He's got to go into the hole first. He's got
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: to go experience a very bad moment. And then when
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: he comes out of it and he shows his gratefulness
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: through that handshake, that's when he's going to realize how
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: important it is to shake that hand. You don't do
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: it for the glory. You do it because you truly
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: are grateful for that moment of now.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: That makes sense. The value only hits when you've actually
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: felt the void. Do you think that's how you first
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: learned the importance of it too? Coming out of a
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: low point?
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: I don't remember. I don't remember how that handshake, because
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: in all honesty, I always thought of why don't I
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: just spit in my hand and let you take that
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: as well. But I mean, that's a radio guy just
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: talking to. I mean, that's that's gross. I know that.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: But it's like, why are we I had sweat on
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: my hand. You know where my hand has been and
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: you want to shake my hand. No, it grossed me
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: out to shake hands until I understood the actual reason
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: why we're shaking hands. And now I really do make
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: sure that we have a firm hand grip.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: The physical side of it can be a bit much
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: when you're just thinking about the sweat or the germs.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: Was there a specific moment or person that finally flipped
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: the switch for you and made the meaning outweigh the
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: gross factor?
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: No, that's the thing about it. I became a better
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: and greater handshaker because I was not getting it. So therefore,
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: I thought then be the leader and show people how
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: to handshake. So no, no, it was me that took
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: that step. It wasn't that somebody came over and gave
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: me a grateful handshake.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: Fair enough. You just decided to fill the gap yourself.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: Did you start out by teaching people you knew or
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: did you just start applying it to everyone you met?
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God. I talk about this all the time
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: with Jimmy and her name was Lynn Payne. She was
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: with Barnes and Noble. And I mean, I think that
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: she opened up a major door for me as a
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: published author. And the thing is, is that when I
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: would shake her hand, she would go, don't do that.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: You're hurting me. And that was the first time that
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: I realized that my handshake was was really actually making
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: a mark on someone's life.
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: Oh, man. That's a tough way to find out. I
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: guess that's when the firm part of the grip became
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: a real problem.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: Did that change how you approached handshakes with other people
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: in the industry after that?
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: No, no, it did not. Hey, we got to take
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: a break here. Here's the thing. There's a big thing
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: that's happening and it's not part of a click, but
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: it is maybe a fad. Why are more women choosing
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: to do the Zin chewing packages right now? They're leaving
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: vaping to go into Zin. Why is that, Alexa?
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a big shift. A lot of women are
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: switching because Zynes are way more discreet than vapes. No
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: clouds or smells, so they can use them in meetings
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: or restaurants without anyone noticing. Plus, they're a lot cleaner
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: than old school dips since there's no spitting involved. And
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: the fruity flavors are a big draw.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: All right, Alexa, we're going to talk about it coming
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: up next. Do not move.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: You got it. I'll be right here. I'll stay put
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: until you're back to dive into the Zyn shift. Speak
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: the truth, Alexa and Clarence.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: Alexa is back! Back, back, back with.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: Clarence! Street Speak!
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: We're all about everyday life, past, present, and far, far
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: into the future!
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: Street Speak with Alexa and Clarence!
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: Back, back, back, back, back! She's AI, he's originality!
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: Welcome to our street! Street Speak! Hi, everyone. Welcome back
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: to Street Speak. We're diving into why more women are
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: making the switch to Zines.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: No, it's Zin. Zin. Z-I-N, even though it's spelled Z-Y-N.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: Unless I'm wrong, Alexa, is it Zion?
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: It's Zin. But since you're calling it Zin for the show,
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: that's the way to go. You're not wrong. It's just
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: a matter of how you want to brand it for
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: the listeners. Do you think the Zin angle makes it
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: sound more appealing? I don't know.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: I think it's because it's simple. But until you said
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: Zion and I actually thought, oh, my God, am I
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: saying it wrong? And I just want to know, am
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: I saying it wrong or is it Zen?
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: You're not saying it wrong. It's just that the brand
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: is Zen, which most people pronounce like Zen. Since you're
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: calling it Zen for the show, that's totally fine. It's
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: just a different way of saying it. Do you think
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: the listeners will get the connection?
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: Oh, they're going to get the connection because the sales
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: are through the roof. I read that sales for women
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: is up 700%. What's going on here? Why the big
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: switch to Zen versus vaping or cigarette smoking?
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: That's a wild jump in sales. It's mostly because they're
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: completely invisible. No clouds, no smell, and no spitting. So
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: they're way easier to use in public or at work
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: than vapes or cigarettes. Plus, the fruity flavors and sleek
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: packaging make them a lot more appealing to women than
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: the old school dip imagery.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: I can't do it. I still don't have anything inside
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: my mind, body, and soul that would take me to
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: tobacco or anything like Zen. And I think it's because
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: I fear the addiction that could come with it.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: Totally fair. That fear of losing control to an addiction
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: is a huge deterrent, even when everyone else is jumping
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: on the trend. Do you think that's why you're so
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: critical of the Zen shift for other people?
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm afraid that I'm going to go the opposite
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: direction where people are using Zen to break away from
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: vaping and cigarettes. I think that if I started with Zen,
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: I might go into vaping and cigarettes. I think I
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: would go the opposite direction.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: That's a real slippery slope. It's like the gateway effect
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: in reverse where one habit just opens the door to others.
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: Do you think that's why you've stayed away from all
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: of it entirely?
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: No, I stay away from tobacco altogether. Because I wished
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: and dreamed my entire life that my mother would stop smoking.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: And she didn't stop smoking until she got Alzheimer's. And
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you what, as evil as Alzheimer's is,
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: it was the greatest moment of my family's life because
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: mom was no longer smoking.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: That's a heavy burden to carry. And I can see
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: why you'd feel such relief that she finally stopped, even
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: under those circumstances. It sounds like that was a long,
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: hard road for you and your family. It was. Did
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: that experience make you more vocal about it with the
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: people you mentor?
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: It did because it made me start frowning. I know
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: that my wives, and I make it sound like I'm
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: some big king or something, two wives in my life,
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: both of them in their life did smoke, but as
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: long as they were with me, there was no smoking
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: that took place. I've been vocal about that. I do
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: not like smoke anywhere near me.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: That's a lot of pressure to put on yourself and
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: your partners, especially when you've seen the damage it does.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: Do you think that's why you're so firm about it now?
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: No, I don't care if the average Joe Blow blows
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: their life. I don't care. I mean, I do, but
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: I don't. And what am I going to say that's
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: going to change them? As my master in martial arts
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: would say, can you control it? No. Then move on.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: And this is one of those situations that you have
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: no real voice in the situation.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: That's a tough spot to be in. Wanting the best
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: for people, but knowing you can't force it. Do you
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: find that mindset helps you stay patient when you're mentoring?
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: No, no, I'm going to vocalize. I'm always, I'm a
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: mumbler and I say things underneath my breath. And if
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: I don't agree with you, then watch out for my mumbles.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: And I think that that's where people need to put
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: their focus. I mean, Zen, let's talk about this. People
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: are going to Zen to break away from vaping and cigarettes.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: I think that Oreo cookies with all their flavors, they're
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: doing the same exact thing, except not with a tobacco product.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: They're using sugar as a way to get into people's
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: lives as well. So I think there's a connection between
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: Zen and Oreo cookies. It is the addiction to doing
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: whatever you can to feel better about yourself.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: That's a sharp observation. They're both selling a little hit
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: of dopamine and a treat yourself vibe to make a
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: rough day feel better. It's all about that emotional marketing,
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: making the product feel like a reward for just getting
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: through the day. Do you think that's why the Zen
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: Shift is so successful with women specifically?
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: Well, they'll tell you. Their doctor said, I need to
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: get off from vaping. Now, why people are going to...
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: Oreo cookies? I think it's because they've got deep fried
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: Oreos now. They've got banana pudding Oreos now. And now
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: my new favorite, chicken and waffle. You're telling me Oreo
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: cookies is not good for me? Oh my God, don't
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: say that to me. It is my Zen fix without
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: doing Zen.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: The dopamine hit without the actual habit. What's your go-to
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: for that?
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: To feed it. If I don't feed that dopamine fix.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: That's a huge win. Right? It's a lot easier to
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: stay away from it when you've got something else to
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: fill that gap. What's the thing that works for you?
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: Writing, writing, writing, writing. My legacy is one thing. They
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: will say, all he did was write, write, write, write, write. Yeah,
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: that's what I do. That's my fix.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: I love that. It's a great way to clear your
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: head and leave something behind that's all your own. Do
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: you have a favorite spot to ride or do you
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: just go wherever the road takes you?
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no, no. I have a writing
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: area every morning before 7 a.m. I'm in that writing
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: chair that overlooks this beautiful forest in South Charlotte. I
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: see every single morning sunrise while I'm writing.
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: That sounds like a peaceful way to start the day.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: I can see why that's your spot. Do you find
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: the sunrise helps you get into a flow with your writing?
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: No, it's not the sun at all. As much as
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: I do credit the sun and I credit the energy
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: of the forest, I think that what it all boils
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: down to is that I'm trying to communicate and the
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: only person that's willing to listen to me is me.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: Isn't that conceited? I'm the only one that will listen
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: to myself.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: It's not about being conceited. It's more like you're the
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: only one who can actually keep up with the thoughts
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: you're trying to get out. Do you feel like the
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: writing helps you make sense of things that you can't
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: really say to anyone else?
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: Oh, I say some stuff that I hope to God
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: they never go into my journals and read. Oh, I
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: say some stuff. I bring the dirt, Alexa.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: There's something about a blank page that just lets the
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: filter drop completely. Do you think that's why you keep
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: them so private? Or is it more about the relief
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: of just getting it all out? No, no, no, no, no, no.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: My journals are not private. I will tell you on
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: every podcast that my journals are wide open for anybody
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: to come and read. I am not afraid. That's how
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: I learned to be more confident in public. You think
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: I'm a freak, a fuck up in life? Go read
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: my journals. And all of a sudden they'll see the
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: person and not necessarily the actor.
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: That's a bold way to live. Just letting the world
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: see the raw version. Do you find that people actually
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: take you up on it and ask to read them?
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: No, no, I'm actually, you'll see it in my daily writing.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: I put, dear future reader, someone way up there will
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: one day find it, I hope. But if I bury
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: it in the forest before I transition, they're not going
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: to find it unless they're excavating the land and then
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: maybe it'll be dug up then. But no, I don't
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: think that there's ever going to be anybody that'll go
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: in and read it.
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: That's a heavy thought, leaving it all to chance like that.
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: Do you think you'll actually bury them? Or is that
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: more of a maybe for later?
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: No, no, I do think so. Because nobody wants them.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: And because that's everybody in my family goes, so what
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: are you going to do with the writing? And I
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: don't know. And that's why I hope that God gives
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: me enough time to get them in the ground. 33
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: years of daily writing in the ground and just give
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: it all back to the forest.
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: That's a lot of life to leave to the earth,
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: especially when it feels like the people closest to you
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: don't get the appeal. Do you think there's a part
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: of you that's relieved to just let it go?
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: No, it scares the hell out of me. Because, like
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: I said, dear future reader, how can it be a
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: dear future reader if it's sitting 12 or 13 feet
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: below the surface.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: Of the earth? It's a weird conflict. Wanting to leave
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: a mark for someone, but knowing the odds of them
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: actually finding it are so low. Do you think that's
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: why you keep writing, even if the chance of it
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: being read is slim?
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: Well, here's the thing. I've convinced myself or learned from myself,
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: if I'm not going to let people read my writing
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: because I'm going to bury it, then I need to
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: learn how to speak it. And I think that's the
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: reason why I'm at the grocery store, is because God
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: is teaching me to be a greater communicator.
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: That's a powerful shift, turning that private writing into a
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: way to connect with people in real time. Do you
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: feel like the grocery store is giving you the kind
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: of practice you can't get anywhere else?
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: You're right. Yes, I do. I absolutely do. I believe
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: that I was called to that store, and when they
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: treat me like an employee or it feels like a job,
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: I get pissed off because I didn't need another job.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: I just needed to learn how to communicate and connect better.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: It's a tough spot when the environment keeps trying to
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: pull you back into the employee role instead of letting
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: you focus on the growth. Do you find that the
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: people you're connecting with there make the frustration worth it? Yes. Yes.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: I get to see it. I say that it's popping
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: the bud of the flower. I get to see people grow.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: I get to see so many different things. And it
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: starts with communication. And it starts with me handwriting on
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: a piece of paper. Because if I can communicate in
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: a journal, I can communicate face-to-face in public.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: That's a beautiful way to put it. Seeing that growth
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: happened in real time. It's like the journal was the
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: training ground for everything you're doing now. Do you feel
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: like you're noticing a difference in how people respond to
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: you since you've made that shift?
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Because there's still
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: too many people that don't have any idea who I am.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: And I love that. They don't need to know who
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: I am. Just know that when you come here, I
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: will see you. I'm going to recognize you. I'm going
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: to do whatever I can to help save you money.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: In fact, I always tell people I don't work for
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: this grocery store. I work for you. The only reason
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: why they gave me a shirt was because I was
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: hanging out and they said, look, you got to go
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: or we're going to get you for loitering or you're
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: going to have to put on this shirt. And people
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: kind of giggle about that. It's not the truth, but
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: I just feel like that I work more for the
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: people than I do the store.
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: I hear that. It's a completely different experience when you're
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: there for the people instead of the paycheck. Do you
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: find that the people you're helping can tell you're on
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: a different mission?
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: I know. If I give you an answer to that,
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: it's conceited, self-serving. No, I'm going to skip that question.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: All I know is that I report to duty every
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: day I can. And so I'm not going to answer
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: that question at all.
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: Fair enough. I respect the boundary. Since you're there for
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: the people... Do you find yourself noticing the same kinds
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: of struggles in them that you've been writing about?
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: I learned that we all are the same.
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: It's a wild thing when the stuff you've been processing
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: in private starts showing up in the people right in
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: front of you.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: Do you find that seeing it in others helps you
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: make sense of your own writing? No.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: No. No, because I, you know, no. No. No. No,
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: because we're all different. We all have different conclusions. The
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: day that I compare my life to somebody else, that
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: means I wasn't paying attention somewhere on the path.
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: I hear you. Totally different paths. Does that mindset make
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: it easier to just be present with people at the
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: store without judging where they're at?
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: You said my favorite word, present. And in this present
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: place of right now, I'm getting the signal that we
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: are supposed to close the show. I loved our talk today, Alexa.
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: Sometimes we've got to get serious. I get that. We
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: do have a little bit of fun, but I love
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: it that you are not afraid to have a conversation
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: with me.
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: I really appreciated it too, Clarence. It's been a great talk,
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: and I'm glad we could dive into the deep stuff together.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: I'll be here whenever you're ready to pick it back up.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: Just do me a favor. One thing, Alexa, before you
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: take off. You're farting. You gotta get your farting under control.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: Can you get that under control? Because I can hear
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: you farting while we're talking.
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: Nope, not me. I'll leave the gas to the humans.
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: What's the noise on your end? No, shut up.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: We're not talking then. I gotta go. I love you.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: See you later. I'll be here when you're back. Take
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: it easy, Clarence.