Latest / The Diva Details / Diva Mia The Bare Minimum for All Relationships a man should provide: RAS

Transcript

Diva Mia The Bare Minimum for All Relationships a man should provide: RAS · The Diva Details

• 0:00
  Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the Diva Details.
• 0:05
  Where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
• 0:10
  From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep it raw, real, and powerful.
• 0:17
  Music.
• 0:17
  No filters, no limits.
• 0:20
  Just fearless conversations to help you thrive. Let's dive in with Diva Mia and Diva Cat.
• 0:32
  Hello, this is Diva Mia, and today I wanted to talk to you about finding your perfect partner.
• 0:38
  And I think one of the things that we as people don't realize,
• 0:42
  especially we as women, that finding your perfect partner young in life is your number one job.
• 0:49
  It's more important than where
• 0:51
  you went to college. It's more important than where you select a job.
• 0:54
  Because when you have the right supporting partner, it will change everything
• 0:58
  about your life. If you have the
• 1:00
  wrong partner, you will change everything about your life in a wrong way.
• 1:04
  Marriage is not just about romance, a wedding dress, or checking a box before you hit 30.
• 1:08
  It's about who you are going to spend your days with. Who's going to be your ride or die?
• 1:14
  Who's going to be there on your worst days, not just your best days?
• 1:17
  It's one thing to have a person that makes you better on your best days.
• 1:21
  It's quite another to have a person to support you on your worst days.
• 1:26
  Who are you going to build with? Who do you want to create a life and a lifestyle with?
• 1:30
  Who's going to be the right person to have your children with?
• 1:33
  Who are you going to turn to when life feels heavy?
• 1:36
  And who can you celebrate your victories with? Who do you want to see at the
• 1:39
  end of the tunnel when you get there and you cross the finish line?
• 1:42
  And I think a lot of times we make a mistake when we're younger.
• 1:46
  And there's a lot of divorces that come from it. You choose the wrong guy,
• 1:50
  the guy cheats on you, or you choose the wrong guy and he's abusive.
• 1:54
  We need to learn as women that it's okay. So now that you're in your 40s,
• 1:57
  50s, and 60s, you might be moving on from that man and looking for a new partner.
• 2:02
  And the question is, how do you find the right partner? I think society puts
• 2:06
  a lot of pressure on women to be married even in their 20s, 40s, 50s, and 60s.
• 2:11
  It doesn't matter when. When you're single, they don't know why.
• 2:15
  They think something's wrong with you. And in your 20s, they kept telling you,
• 2:19
  your clock is ticking, you better get married.
• 2:21
  But I don't think we should rush so much into marriage.
• 2:25
  I don't think we should marry someone just so that we have a spouse.
• 2:29
  You need to make sure that you're comfortable.
• 2:31
  And if your gut is telling you it's wrong, it probably is.
• 2:34
  People don't change, but for some reason, women always try to change them.
• 2:39
  If they show you how you are and it's not a match for you, just move on.
• 2:42
  They'll be a match for someone else. You don't need to stick around.
• 2:46
  And I think a lot of times people stick around because they are comfortably
• 2:49
  miserable, as we talked about before, or they're just comfortable. And they're afraid.
• 2:53
  They're afraid that if they get back out there in the dating pool,
• 2:56
  that they're not going to find anyone.
• 2:58
  The reality is, is if all the good people that are a match for you stop dating
• 3:02
  the people that aren't a match for them, and people just went back into the
• 3:05
  dating pool, there'd be tons of great people out there.
• 3:08
  Don't think that there's not people out there because there's a lot of people
• 3:11
  out there we have the best opportunity ever to find your perfect person you
• 3:16
  just have to be out there and available but if you're with the wrong person
• 3:20
  they're never going to find you. So remember that the more time you spend with
• 3:24
  the wrong person, the less likely it is you're going to find the right person.
• 3:28
  And the right person should make you feel magical. It should make you feel at
• 3:32
  peace. It should make you feel at home.
• 3:33
  Don't give excuses for bad behavior because you just are staying with the wrong
• 3:38
  person because you're comfortable or because your friends tell you how great they are.
• 3:42
  Your friends don't get to see how they are and how they treat you at home.
• 3:46
  If you think that once you get married, things will get better, you're wrong.
• 3:51
  Once you're married, you're locked in. I actually had a person tell me the other
• 3:54
  day she's been engaged for a while and she said she feels like she's in prison.
• 3:58
  I go, well, do you think it's gonna get better when you get married?
• 4:01
  She feels like she's in prison and she's just dating the person.
• 4:04
  Well, then break out of that prison and get your freedom back because there's
• 4:08
  no reason for anyone to ever feel imprisoned.
• 4:11
  The wrong person's gonna make you feel like you're in prison.
• 4:13
  They're gonna make you feel small.
• 4:14
  They're gonna make you feel unworthy. and they do that in a way to keep you with them.
• 4:19
  The more unworthy they can make you feel, the less true power you realize in
• 4:24
  yourself, the more likely you'll stay and marriage will only magnify that feeling.
• 4:29
  It'll be so much worse and then you're not gonna be, you're gonna feel even less worthy.
• 4:34
  You're not gonna like yourself once you get married, overeat,
• 4:37
  you might overdrink, you might turn to drugs because you're unhappy.
• 4:40
  So don't move into a situation that you're already unhappy with and magnify
• 4:45
  it to make it happy by getting married to that person.
• 4:48
  Move on as quick as you can.
• 4:51
  True alignment doesn't need to be forced. If it's the right alignment,
• 4:54
  the right person, they make you feel peaceful.
• 4:57
  They don't make you feel pressured. The bare minimum every woman needs and should
• 5:02
  expect is the following. You have to get respect from your partner.
• 5:06
  You need to give respect to them too.
• 5:08
  But a man is supposed to be a leader. if they're not respecting you for who
• 5:12
  you are, and they don't love you, your dreams, your boundaries.
• 5:17
  And they don't treat you with dignity, they don't open your car door,
• 5:20
  they don't respect you, they don't tell you how amazing you are, they don't,
• 5:24
  give you the respect you need, or they try to put you down in front of other
• 5:28
  people, I recommend you get away from that person as soon as possible because
• 5:31
  that's an insecure person that feels like he needs to diminish you to bring himself up.
• 5:36
  That's not a healthy person. That's a toxic relationship.
• 5:40
  And then you need to make sure you're getting the right amount of attention
• 5:42
  because everybody needs a different level of intention.
• 5:45
  So for me, if I'm dating someone, I like to hear from him at least once a day.
• 5:49
  Now, if I hear from him 30 or 40 times a day, that's excessive.
• 5:52
  But once or twice a day is great.
• 5:54
  If I don't hear from them, but once a week, to me, that's too little.
• 5:58
  But you need to communicate that with your partner and say, look,
• 6:01
  this is what I'm expecting. If you don't want to do it, then okay, let me know.
• 6:05
  But it may not be a good fit because attention matters.
• 6:09
  And when you are with them, are they present? Do they listen to you?
• 6:13
  Do they give you attention? Do they have West syndrome, wandering eye syndrome,
• 6:17
  where they're checking out other ladies?
• 6:19
  I mean, that's not the right attention if you're dating someone.
• 6:22
  It's not just physical attention.
• 6:24
  It also needs to be with your heart and mind. So when you tell them something, do they remember?
• 6:29
  Do they remember what you said?
• 6:31
  Do they remember what you told them from a week ago? Or does it go in one ear or the other?
• 6:36
  That's the one thing that a lot of women complain about is that we have to tell
• 6:39
  men over and over again the same thing.
• 6:41
  And if they don't give you enough attention when you're dating them,
• 6:44
  it's not going to get better when you're married.
• 6:46
  Your partner should hear you and they should also prioritize you.
• 6:49
  If you're not a priority in their life now, you're never going to become a priority.
• 6:53
  Getting married to them, you'll be even less of a priority because now they know they've got you.
• 6:57
  And once they have you, there's no motivation for them to prioritize you.
• 7:01
  But if they make you a priority, they give you respect, they give you attention
• 7:05
  now, it's much more likely than in the marriage that you'll still have that.
• 7:10
  Then there's that sense of security. Now, a lot of people hear the word security
• 7:13
  and they think financial security.
• 7:15
  Yes, it's lovely when a man makes more money than
• 7:18
  you and it's lovely when they can support the family
• 7:21
  and maybe make you a stay-at-home wife if that's
• 7:24
  what you want or they can come and they can
• 7:27
  pay over half the bills or all the bills it's wonderful but
• 7:30
  emotional security is just as important as financial security do they make you
• 7:34
  feel safe do they make you feel loved those are important as well do they give
• 7:39
  you physical security or are they abusive you should feel safe to be yourself
• 7:43
  with them if you can't feel safe around them and they're not giving you that level of security,
• 7:47
  if you don't feel safe to grow and to lean on them when you need to, when
• 7:52
  things get hard, then the security that a man has, it's not there. That's a man's purpose.
• 7:58
  Honestly, a man's purpose is to take care of his family.
• 8:01
  That is a man's purpose. When a man can't do that and the woman is doing all
• 8:06
  of those, the woman's paying all the bills, the woman's not getting the attention
• 8:10
  she needs, not getting the respect she needs, then what is the purpose of being with a man?
• 8:15
  Because a man has a very big role in a woman's life, but security is one of
• 8:20
  them. Now, don't get me wrong, men out there.
• 8:22
  Women have a very big role to play as well.
• 8:24
  We're there to support our partners, but if you can't give the bare minimum
• 8:28
  of respect, attention, and security, you're not going to get the support you need back.
• 8:33
  That's why it's so important to pick the right person. And it's important to
• 8:37
  pick the right person even in your 40s, 50s, and 60s, even if you're not having children with them.
• 8:43
  Because when you get the respect and the attention and the security you need
• 8:47
  from a man, you are there in such a feminine loving way and you're allowed to be in your feminine.
• 8:53
  Because if not, you're gonna be the masculine in the race relationship dating
• 8:56
  a beta boy that is not a strong man and that strong man is gonna pull you down.
• 9:02
  Remember, it's so much easier to be pulled down from a podium than to pull someone up.
• 9:07
  And if you're a woman trying to pull a man up, they're heavier than you, just so you know.
• 9:11
  It's very difficult and they will suck you down into their abyss.
• 9:15
  But if a man is standing up on the podium, and he's a strong leader,
• 9:20
  and he respects you, and he gives you attention, and he gives you security,
• 9:25
  and he tries to pull you up to the podium, you can easily go.
• 9:29
  So remember that. It's so important.
• 9:31
  It is so important. And don't pull your man back down. If he's there to support
• 9:35
  you and bring you up, make sure you support him back.
• 9:38
  When you're doing this and going through and you're trying to find your life
• 9:41
  partner, don't stay dating someone you know is not a good fit because all you're
• 9:46
  doing is delaying finding the right fit. You don't want to miss out.
• 9:51
  Now, I say you date as much as possible.
• 9:53
  Go on as many dates as possible. Go on 20, 30, 40, 50 different dates in a year.
• 9:58
  Date somebody every week. And once you've dated people, journal and write down what you thought.
• 10:03
  If you like them, great. If you find characteristics in them you like,
• 10:06
  you may not even know some of the characteristics you like in a man until you date enough people.
• 10:10
  But when you find the person that you want, just make sure that you're there
• 10:14
  to support them and they cover at least the bare minimum.
• 10:16
  I don't care what height they are. I mean, it may be a minimum requirement for you.
• 10:20
  Especially if you're still having children but the reality
• 10:23
  is is if they can't provide the other three things the height doesn't matter
• 10:26
  society's timelines don't matter either if you're divorced and i've had people
• 10:30
  tell me that oh if you stay single too much longer you're not going to want
• 10:34
  to be in a relationship with a man and i think to myself you know what that's
• 10:38
  just society and society's rules again because quite frankly if i find the right
• 10:42
  man for me i will get into a relationship again.
• 10:45
  I may even get married again. I don't know.
• 10:48
  But I will not force myself into marriage or into a long-term relationship that doesn't fit.
• 10:54
  You have to build a partnership with someone, not a prison.
• 10:57
  You need to have freedom. You need to have peace. You need to have independence. And both sides do.
• 11:02
  It needs to be a loving relationship where both sides have a reciprocity,
• 11:06
  where there's a give and take.
• 11:07
  We as women thrive when we have that freedom. We thrive when we're giving some
• 11:11
  independence and listen to.
• 11:13
  Otherwise, you're going to shrink yourself to fit into their world.
• 11:16
  You're going to shrink yourself to fit into everyone else's picture of who and what you should be.
• 11:20
  And never do that because that's soul crushing.
• 11:22
  You have to show your children, your friends, and even yourself what it means
• 11:26
  to choose love and integrity over fear. You don't have to get married on any timeline.
• 11:31
  If you've been dating someone for six months, you can take two or three years
• 11:34
  to date them before you get married.
• 11:36
  It's your choice. But I think the most important thing is you have to listen
• 11:39
  to your gut. Don't let anyone rush you into your forever person.
• 11:43
  Marriage is one of the most important decisions you will ever make.
• 11:46
  And the truth is, being single...
• 11:48
  And being at peace is so much better than being married and miserable.
• 11:52
  Believe me, you have to respect yourself. You have to pay attention to your
• 11:56
  wants and needs, and then provide your own security for a while.
• 11:59
  See how comfortable it is. When you don't need a man and you want a man, it changes the game.
• 12:05
  Because then what happens is you're with the man because you stop the way that
• 12:09
  he treats you. And if he treats you well, you stay.
• 12:12
  And if he doesn't, you can leave. Whereas if you don't have your own security,
• 12:16
  you don't have your own respect, you'll stick in a relationship that's not good for you.
• 12:20
  You owe it to yourself to make sure that you are in a relationship where you feel loved.
• 12:26
  So never apologize to anyone ever for expecting the most.
• 12:30
  You deserve it. And don't feel guilty when you walk away if it's not there.
• 12:34
  You're worthy of everything. You are worth being cherished.
• 12:38
  And the right man will cherish you. And everyone has a different right man.
• 12:42
  There is no scarcity of good men out there. There are a lot of good men out
• 12:48
  there, and there's no scarcity of good women.
• 12:50
  We just need to find each other. But if we're in the wrong relationship,
• 12:53
  we don't. You don't have to push yourself into choosing right away.
• 12:56
  I think when it happens, you'll just know it. And if you will come into it in
• 13:00
  a peaceful mindset, without insecurities, without fear, I think you will find
• 13:06
  the right person that loves you for you.
• 13:08
  This is Diva Mia. I hope you have a wonderful week, and I hope this quick note
• 13:12
  was good for you. Take care. Bye-bye.
• 13:16
  Thanks for tuning in. Like, subscribe, and drop a comment. We love hearing from you.
• 13:22
  Visit thedivadetails.com to connect. See you next week for more.
• 13:32
  Diva Details podcast and website are intended solely for informational and entertainment purposes.
• 13:35
  The content provided does not constitute professional, medical,
• 13:37
  financial, or legal advice. We are not licensed medical practitioners,
• 13:39
  financial advisors, or legal professional.
• 13:40
  Always consult with a qualified healthcare provider for medical advice,
• 13:42
  diagnosis, or treatment.
• 13:43
  Any financial topics discussed are based on personal opinions and experience
• 13:45
  and should not be considered professional advice.
• 13:47
  The content provided does not constitute legal advice. The Diva Details and
• 13:49
  its affiliate, contributor, and guests are not liable for any losses or damages
• 13:51
  arising from the use of our content.
• 13:52
  The opinions and We'll see you then.
• 13:57
  In the podcast are researched and accurate to the best of our knowledge at the
• 13:59
  time of recording information may change over time no guarantees are made regarding
• 14:01
  the accuracy completeness or reliability of any statements or opinions presented
• 14:03
  it is a responsibility of the listener to verify any and all facts that may
• 14:06
  influence their decision this podcast is for information and entertainment purposes
• 14:08
  only and should not be considered professional advice.