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Overcome Your Fear of Ageing and Feeling Left Behind With These 6 Steps · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:10
Speaker 1: Hello beautiful beans and welcome to the podcast episode of today.
0:14
Speaker 1: My name is Alexis Fernandez. This is Do You Fucking Mind?
0:18
Speaker 1: The podcast that is going to help you change your
0:20
Speaker 1: relationship with yourself and your brain. And today we are
0:25
Speaker 1: talking about how to stop... Listen, you've obviously read the
0:29
Speaker 1: title of the episode. I haven't yet decided exactly the title,
0:32
Speaker 1: but we're talking about how to kind of stop this
0:34
Speaker 1: fear of aging, how to turn around that mentality. If
0:37
Speaker 1: you're someone that's always worried about getting older, even if
0:40
Speaker 1: you're in your 20s, your 30s, your 40s, it doesn't
0:42
Speaker 1: matter how young you are. I know that I suffered
0:45
Speaker 1: from fearing that I was getting left behind or getting
0:49
Speaker 1: older in my 20s way more than I do now
0:51
Speaker 1: in my 30s. And yeah, I think it's something that
0:55
Speaker 1: I recently did an interview on a podcast called The
0:57
Speaker 1: Balance Theory a couple of weeks ago. And the question
1:00
Speaker 1: around aging came up and I thought, oh, this is,
1:02
Speaker 1: you could do an entire episode on this. So this
1:04
Speaker 1: is what I'm going to be talking about. I feel
1:07
Speaker 1: like everyone can experience this, but I also feel like
1:11
Speaker 1: it's way more common in women for many reasons. One
1:15
Speaker 1: of the reasons is just the societal pressures on how
1:18
Speaker 1: a woman ages versus how a man ages. That's just
1:20
Speaker 1: like stock standard. We all know that. Also, if you
1:24
Speaker 1: are considering or wanting a child, you feel that pressure
1:28
Speaker 1: off the timeline. There's all these different things that make
1:32
Speaker 1: us really think about aging. And for some people it
1:37
Speaker 1: is all consuming and it takes up a lot of
1:39
Speaker 1: their thoughts and it really starts to encroach on their
1:42
Speaker 1: ability to just enjoy life. So I want to really
1:45
Speaker 1: talk about that, really talk about the mindset behind that.
1:47
Speaker 1: We're talking about aging, but also not feeling left behind
1:51
Speaker 1: on this kind of, on this timeline that we're placing
1:54
Speaker 1: ourselves on. And hopefully by the end of this episode,
1:57
Speaker 1: you're going to feel a lot more in control of
2:00
Speaker 1: these feelings and these thoughts. And you're going to realize
2:02
Speaker 1: that there's many things that you can do that are
2:04
Speaker 1: within your control to turn those feelings around and really
2:07
Speaker 1: feel like you are taking ownership of where you're at
2:11
Speaker 1: in your life, the process of aging or just getting
2:15
Speaker 1: older and how you view it. And hopefully you can
2:17
Speaker 1: turn it around to view it as something really nice
2:20
Speaker 1: and positive instead of something that we fear and something
2:22
Speaker 1: that makes us feel bad about ourselves, okay? That's kind
2:25
Speaker 1: of the episode of today. Now, again, I haven't planned
2:31
Speaker 1: a recommendation. I did this with my last episode that
2:32
Speaker 1: came out on Tuesday where then my recommendation came out.
2:36
Speaker 1: It appeared in my mind at the end of the
2:38
Speaker 1: episode like a stalker in the night, but I don't
2:43
Speaker 1: have a recommendation off the top of my head. I'm
2:44
Speaker 1: sure it will come to me throughout the episode, but...
2:48
Speaker 1: I do have a little kind of live update but not–
2:50
Speaker 1: I'm recording this on Wednesday of last week by the
2:54
Speaker 1: time you listen to this. So what's the date today?
2:56
Speaker 1: It's the fucking 26th of August. So this will be
3:00
Speaker 1: a little bit outdated but all the applications that have
3:03
Speaker 1: come through for the job interview for my Shania replacement
3:07
Speaker 1: have been amazing. Well, listen, not all the applications. There's
3:11
Speaker 1: definitely been some automated ones from like random people random
3:16
Speaker 1: agencies that I don't know how they pick up this
3:18
Speaker 1: because we'd only put the job call out obviously on
3:21
Speaker 1: this podcast but then on the Instagram page as well
3:24
Speaker 1: and there's been and like the main thing is like
3:25
Speaker 1: must be Sydney based and then there's all these international
3:28
Speaker 1: people that don't even attach a cover letter or any
3:30
Speaker 1: kind of written thing on the email being like I'm
3:34
Speaker 1: situated on the other side of the world and I'm
3:36
Speaker 1: a virtual assistant so obviously not going to extend my
3:39
Speaker 1: thanks to those automatic ones but everyone that's taken the
3:42
Speaker 1: time to write a cover letter. And if you didn't
3:44
Speaker 1: write a cover letter, the emails that you've written, people
3:46
Speaker 1: have sent in videos. It has been so beautiful. So
3:50
Speaker 1: I'm going to like shortlist, and then I'm going to
3:52
Speaker 1: be meeting up with people in person for coffee, well,
3:57
Speaker 1: by the time you're listening to this, hopefully I've already
3:58
Speaker 1: met with some of you guys in person just to
4:02
Speaker 1: kind of get a general vibe. But I am starting
4:04
Speaker 1: to get really excited about it to just meet the
4:07
Speaker 1: new addition to the team. And yeah, I think there
4:11
Speaker 1: have been some really cool applications come through. So I'm
4:14
Speaker 1: really grateful to everyone that has sent in their application
4:16
Speaker 1: and written something about themselves or sent in a video.
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Speaker 1: It's been really cool to see, yeah, just see people's
4:23
Speaker 1: excitement about it. It's, yeah, I'm very, very grateful. for
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Speaker 1: you guys. Okay. Now let's begin. I don't have a
4:32
Speaker 1: brain fact. Apologies for that. And if you're someone that
4:34
Speaker 1: doesn't like brain facts, you're welcome. Now let's get into
4:38
Speaker 1: the fucking episode of the day. Like I said, at
4:43
Speaker 1: the start of when I was doing my little intro,
4:45
Speaker 1: I was on this, the balance theory podcast, YouTube channel.
4:50
Speaker 1: She's got a really big YouTube channel. She's so cool. Anyway,
4:53
Speaker 1: she asked me, how do I feel about aging. And
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Speaker 1: I was like, I feel really good. I actually feel
5:03
Speaker 1: really good about aging. And it's not how I've always felt.
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Speaker 1: I felt older and more worried about aging in my
5:10
Speaker 1: twenties than I do in my thirties. And I explained
5:15
Speaker 1: why that was the case. I kind of brushed over
5:18
Speaker 1: why that was the case. But I want to go
5:21
Speaker 1: in depth about why that is the case in this episode.
5:23
Speaker 1: And what were the things that changed for me to
5:26
Speaker 1: make me actually feel better about aging? And mind you,
5:28
Speaker 1: this is even before I had children. And this is
5:30
Speaker 1: even because I know a lot of people say, oh, well,
5:32
Speaker 1: you know, many of us feel bad about aging because
5:34
Speaker 1: the timeline of kids and this and that. Tyrone and
5:36
Speaker 1: I went for like a two-year journey of falling pregnant.
5:39
Speaker 1: And there was a point where we literally had this
5:40
Speaker 1: conversation of being like, are we actually going to have
5:44
Speaker 1: children or not? Because if we're not going to have children,
5:45
Speaker 1: let's look at what our lives could look like if
5:48
Speaker 1: That's just not on the cards for us. So I
5:50
Speaker 1: even was feeling better about my aging even during that
5:53
Speaker 1: time and before that time. So I don't want to
5:54
Speaker 1: make it seem like, oh, well, now that I've got kids,
5:56
Speaker 1: things have changed and I feel different because that's not
5:58
Speaker 1: the case. Another thing that I do want to touch
6:00
Speaker 1: on in this episode is appearance and what it means
6:06
Speaker 1: if we decide to go down the path of starting
6:08
Speaker 1: to tweak, quote unquote, things about our appearance as we age.
6:13
Speaker 1: Do I feel like that represents insecurities about how we look?
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Speaker 1: Do I feel like it's just part of something that
6:18
Speaker 1: most people do in society? What's my take on all
6:21
Speaker 1: of that? I think you guys, I've mentioned it before,
6:24
Speaker 1: I get Botox. done. I mean, I really am very
6:27
Speaker 1: haphazard with my Botox. I think the last time I
6:29
Speaker 1: got it done was two years ago, but anyway, I
6:30
Speaker 1: got it done a couple of months ago. So I
6:32
Speaker 1: do do certain things with my appearance that does quote unquote,
6:36
Speaker 1: slow down the appearance of aging at least. Then there's
6:39
Speaker 1: people that will do, you know, then there's other more
6:41
Speaker 1: invasive things that you might want to do like surgeries
6:43
Speaker 1: and things like that. And what is my take on that?
6:46
Speaker 1: And this is what I was discussing on that interview
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Speaker 1: as well. What's my take on these cosmetic things to
6:51
Speaker 1: kind of slow down the appearance of aging. What does
6:54
Speaker 1: that mean about our relationship with aging? So I want
6:56
Speaker 1: to talk about all of that because I think that
7:00
Speaker 1: it is possible to, I think there's two versions of that.
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Speaker 1: I think you could go down the path of getting
7:07
Speaker 1: cosmetic procedures done and feeling like, yep, I want to
7:09
Speaker 1: get this done, this done. I like how I look.
7:11
Speaker 1: It's fine. Versus feeling like, you get a bit done,
7:16
Speaker 1: then you need to get more done, then you get
7:17
Speaker 1: more done. You know what they call it? Like filler
7:18
Speaker 1: blindness and this blindness and that where you like, you
7:21
Speaker 1: become immune to it. Now you need more and more
7:23
Speaker 1: and more. And that almost goes into kind of like a,
7:27
Speaker 1: a kind of, I don't want to call it a disorder,
7:28
Speaker 1: but when, when it becomes like an obsession where it's
7:30
Speaker 1: like all about that, that's a very different thing. Then there's,
7:33
Speaker 1: you do it because other people, you care about what
7:35
Speaker 1: other people think versus you're doing it for yourself. But
7:37
Speaker 1: then if you do it for yourself, so this whole
7:39
Speaker 1: convoluted thing. So I'm going to be talking about that
7:41
Speaker 1: as well. But let's talk about the first thing I
7:44
Speaker 1: want to touch on is what does aging mean to you?
7:48
Speaker 1: I want you to really wrap your head around what
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Speaker 1: aging means to you. I do have like six things
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Speaker 1: that I'm going to go through to make you feel
7:55
Speaker 1: better or more in control of it. But before we
7:57
Speaker 1: get into those six things, let's talk about this. Is
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Speaker 1: it something that you are fearful of? Or is it
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Speaker 1: something that you're embracing as really nice changes in your life?
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Speaker 1: And there's going to be many reasons why people feel
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Speaker 1: one of those two ways. What does it represent? Do
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Speaker 1: you feel that aging for you is a collection of
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Speaker 1: more memories and life experiences and you're enjoying each phase
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Speaker 1: as you go through it and you look forward to
8:22
Speaker 1: things in life? Do you look forward to other phases
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Speaker 1: in your life? Or does it represent becoming irrelevant, becoming
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Speaker 1: less and less needed, becoming kind of pushed out onto
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Speaker 1: the peripherals of society? Could it be that it represents
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Speaker 1: you being unable to do certain things or not looking
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Speaker 1: the way that you look right now? Are you focused
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Speaker 1: on losing your youth? What are your biggest fears and
8:44
Speaker 1: reservations if you do have fears around aging? Is it
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Speaker 1: about your appearance? Is it about how relevant or irrelevant
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Speaker 1: you're going to be? Is it about feeling like you're
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Speaker 1: not useful anymore or not wanted or not desired? What
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Speaker 1: does it look like for you? Because I am going
9:00
Speaker 1: to touch on something later on in the episode about
9:02
Speaker 1: the difference between fearing actual degeneration, which I think is
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Speaker 1: a valid fear when it comes to aging versus the
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Speaker 1: moving away from youth. They're two very different things. Okay.
9:13
Speaker 1: So when we talk about aging, what does it mean
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Speaker 1: for you? I just want you to gain some clarity
9:18
Speaker 1: on it because that's going to help you move through
9:20
Speaker 1: this episode with a lot more clarity and you're going
9:22
Speaker 1: to have the way you answer the questions and the
9:24
Speaker 1: little points that I give you later on is going
9:27
Speaker 1: to really help you feel better about it depending on
9:30
Speaker 1: what aging means for you as an individual. So if
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Speaker 1: you need Pause this and really flesh it out, write
9:34
Speaker 1: it down and see how you feel about it. Now,
9:37
Speaker 1: what is feeling young or youthful? What does that mean
9:41
Speaker 1: to you? Because for some people, they're so hell bent
9:45
Speaker 1: on youth, youth, youth, youth, youth, that they spend so
9:48
Speaker 1: much time and energy on appearance and it's all consuming.
9:52
Speaker 1: They have to look a certain way. The things that
9:54
Speaker 1: they put into their body, the things that they put
9:55
Speaker 1: into their face, the skincare routines, the going overseas to
9:58
Speaker 1: get procedures, the whole route, like this, that, or like it's,
10:01
Speaker 1: it's so all encompassing. And it's sometimes that people spend
10:04
Speaker 1: so much of their money and their income into that,
10:07
Speaker 1: but then, and that like itch to their own, but
10:11
Speaker 1: How much of that is actually youthful from a personality perspective?
10:16
Speaker 1: When I think of youth for me personally, it also
10:19
Speaker 1: has to do with being adventurous, being willing to take
10:22
Speaker 1: more risks because younger people are more likely to take
10:25
Speaker 1: more risks from a psychological standpoint, being a bit more carefree,
10:27
Speaker 1: not too worried about that kind of thing. It is
10:31
Speaker 1: having responsibilities. But responsibilities that seem like it's part of
10:36
Speaker 1: the life experience. It doesn't feel like a burden, you know,
10:38
Speaker 1: like I'm excited to get my license. I'm excited to
10:41
Speaker 1: be able to pay my own rent. It's like you
10:43
Speaker 1: get these responsibilities, but it's an exciting thing for you.
10:47
Speaker 1: Being relied upon, being connected, learning, growing, health, adventure, all
10:55
Speaker 1: these things. That's when I think of youth. Of course,
10:58
Speaker 1: physicality is one of those things that you imagine. But
11:01
Speaker 1: then there's also this whole lifestyle and psychology and a
11:04
Speaker 1: way of being and the way your personality is. So
11:07
Speaker 1: they kind of don't align. If you put all your
11:10
Speaker 1: effort and money and this into how you look, how
11:12
Speaker 1: you look, then you're not fucking carefree. You're probably using
11:15
Speaker 1: more money than you would like on that. And then
11:17
Speaker 1: it kind of, there's a battle a little bit between
11:19
Speaker 1: the two. So what does young or youthful mean to you?
11:24
Speaker 1: And get really clear on real youth. If you think
11:27
Speaker 1: back on maybe like, the times that you felt the
11:32
Speaker 1: most carefree, maybe just out of high school, or maybe
11:34
Speaker 1: it was in your mid twenties or depending on your age,
11:36
Speaker 1: whenever that was, what does that feel like for you?
11:39
Speaker 1: And what does youth or being young represent? Okay. And
11:42
Speaker 1: we're talking about as adults, we're not talking about being
11:44
Speaker 1: a child. We're This also makes me want you to
11:49
Speaker 1: like delve deeper into what do you think young at
11:52
Speaker 1: heart means? Because there's many people that you can look
11:54
Speaker 1: at that are older than you, but you can just
11:56
Speaker 1: feel like they're very young at heart versus someone who
11:58
Speaker 1: acts quote unquote older than themselves. So when people use
12:02
Speaker 1: those terms, what does that mean? You know, normally when
12:04
Speaker 1: someone acts older than themselves, then normally that's normally used
12:08
Speaker 1: to someone who's more predictable or very, um, very stable
12:14
Speaker 1: in their life. There's not so much volatility or they're
12:16
Speaker 1: just more conservative in the way they behave or quote unquote,
12:20
Speaker 1: maybe a bit more, and I'm saying this in parenthesis, boring, right?
12:23
Speaker 1: With their lifestyle. Someone who's young at heart is willing
12:27
Speaker 1: to try new things, has a taste for adventure. This
12:32
Speaker 1: is a big one about people that are young at
12:33
Speaker 1: heart and it doesn't matter what age you are. They
12:35
Speaker 1: don't criticize the younger generations for doing things differently or
12:39
Speaker 1: trying new things or having a taste in like the
12:42
Speaker 1: new kind of music that comes through or fashion or whatever.
12:45
Speaker 1: And therefore, because they don't criticize, they feel more connected
12:49
Speaker 1: to the younger generations. They feel like, oh, I can
12:52
Speaker 1: play a part in this younger generation. I can have
12:55
Speaker 1: an interest in that stuff. I'm interested in And I
12:58
Speaker 1: don't have to love it, but I might actually start
13:00
Speaker 1: liking some things from the younger generation because I'm not
13:02
Speaker 1: creating this divide where I constantly criticize and push away.
13:05
Speaker 1: I'm going to dabble. I'm interested in whatever. So these
13:07
Speaker 1: people are young at heart. So they feel more connected
13:11
Speaker 1: to younger generations. They are willing to start something new.
13:15
Speaker 1: They're willing to be a novice. They like adventure. They
13:17
Speaker 1: yearn for adventure, whether that be travel or whatever it is.
13:20
Speaker 1: They don't take themselves too seriously. They can make mistakes
13:24
Speaker 1: and learn from it. They're willing to admit their mistakes
13:26
Speaker 1: when they've made an error. they're passionate, they let themselves
13:29
Speaker 1: get excited about things. So when you talk about someone
13:32
Speaker 1: that's young at heart, those are kind of the traits
13:35
Speaker 1: of being young at heart. And I know people that
13:37
Speaker 1: are in their seventies that behave in this way. And
13:39
Speaker 1: I know people that are in their twenties that behave
13:42
Speaker 1: quote unquote older than themselves. When you look at, you know,
13:45
Speaker 1: the stereotypical behaving older versus behaving younger. So the traits
13:50
Speaker 1: of youth can actually be carried out throughout your entire life.
13:54
Speaker 1: And that's kind of what I'm trying to get you
13:56
Speaker 1: to see. Youth, quote unquote, or what we view youth
13:59
Speaker 1: as when we're not talking about physical appearance are these traits. Okay.
14:05
Speaker 1: So now I want you to start realizing that this
14:07
Speaker 1: can play into how you behave to make you be
14:11
Speaker 1: less fearful of aging. Because if youth is also part
14:14
Speaker 1: of how we present ourselves and how we carry ourselves,
14:18
Speaker 1: there are people that are No, I don't want to
14:20
Speaker 1: put people down, but fuck it. I'm not Mother Teresa.
14:23
Speaker 1: Boring and fucking predictable and miserable and, you know, kind
14:27
Speaker 1: of also fearful of aging, but they're not doing anything
14:31
Speaker 1: to have a youthful personality. And they're in their 20s,
14:36
Speaker 1: but they're not enjoying their life. And then there's people
14:39
Speaker 1: that are able to turn that around and think, fuck it,
14:41
Speaker 1: I'm going to be a bit more carefree. There are
14:42
Speaker 1: actually people that as they get older, they realize that
14:46
Speaker 1: they're feeling older and they don't like that about themselves.
14:49
Speaker 1: So then they start bringing on these brand new characteristics
14:53
Speaker 1: into their personality and making a part of who they are.
14:55
Speaker 1: And then they're younger than they ever were, even in
14:57
Speaker 1: their twenties and thirties. So anyone can make the change
15:00
Speaker 1: if it's something that you want to make a change from. Okay.
15:03
Speaker 1: So now let's go through, I think I've got six things,
15:08
Speaker 1: maybe seven. I wrote six, but I think I'm reading
15:11
Speaker 1: seven points. Anyway, let's go through the seven things that
15:14
Speaker 1: will make you feel so much better about aging if
15:17
Speaker 1: we can reframe how we look at them. And as usual,
15:20
Speaker 1: grab a pen and paper, start writing this down. If
15:23
Speaker 1: you're on your phone, just you can jot it into notes,
15:25
Speaker 1: things that really sing out to you that you can
15:27
Speaker 1: start putting into practice to start feeling really empowered about
15:31
Speaker 1: the journey of aging that you're going through. The first thing,
15:44
Speaker 1: and this is one of the most important things, is
15:47
Speaker 1: what are you comparing yourself to? When you start feeling
15:50
Speaker 1: older and when you're worried about getting older, what is
15:53
Speaker 1: the perspective that you're looking at older to? Now, I'm
15:56
Speaker 1: not saying, oh, you're 35, hang out with a 50-year-old
16:00
Speaker 1: and you're going to feel younger. No, I'm talking about
16:03
Speaker 1: who you hang out with helps you determine if you
16:07
Speaker 1: feel good about yourself or not, right? So I think
16:13
Speaker 1: I've mentioned this example in the past, but one day
16:15
Speaker 1: I did a talk on the Sunshine Coast and there
16:17
Speaker 1: was this girl that came up to me or woman,
16:19
Speaker 1: I should say, that came up to me and she said,
16:20
Speaker 1: I don't like, there's so many things I want to
16:24
Speaker 1: do with my life. I want to travel. I want
16:25
Speaker 1: to go to uni. I want to, she was, she was, anyway,
16:28
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what she wanted. I want to do
16:30
Speaker 1: all these things, but I feel like I'm really going
16:32
Speaker 1: to be left behind because my friends who are my
16:35
Speaker 1: age are already getting engaged and half of them already
16:38
Speaker 1: have kids and they plan to, or the other half
16:39
Speaker 1: plan to have kids in the next year or so.
16:42
Speaker 1: And I was like, babe, how old are you? And
16:45
Speaker 1: she was like, I'm 25. And I was like, move
16:49
Speaker 1: cities is my solution. Move cities. I'm at the time
16:53
Speaker 1: that I did this talk, I was 34. And I
16:56
Speaker 1: was like, I'm 34. And if I had a child now,
16:58
Speaker 1: it'd feel like a teen pregnancy based on my circles,
17:02
Speaker 1: the people that I'm around and the people that I'm
17:03
Speaker 1: engaged with. And it's not, and mind you, I was
17:06
Speaker 1: kind of tongue-in-cheek saying move cities. You don't have to
17:08
Speaker 1: move cities. But what I'm saying is it's perspective, right?
17:11
Speaker 1: If you're– and I'm not saying everyone in the Sunshine
17:13
Speaker 1: Coast is like this. I grew up on the Sunshine Coast,
17:14
Speaker 1: so I'm not– but I'm saying particularly where she was,
17:17
Speaker 1: in her bubble at least, she was looking around being like, oh,
17:21
Speaker 1: my God, everyone around me is doing this and this,
17:23
Speaker 1: and I'm going to feel like an absolute rogue cunt
17:25
Speaker 1: if I just– move and this and that and then
17:27
Speaker 1: I come back to my circle and this is how
17:29
Speaker 1: I'm feeling and I'm going to feel left behind. But
17:31
Speaker 1: if you were to just find your people and find
17:35
Speaker 1: a group or a network of people, like already if
17:38
Speaker 1: she was to maybe go on campus or live near
17:40
Speaker 1: a university, go to uni, already that would change because
17:43
Speaker 1: a lot of people that are in that phase in
17:45
Speaker 1: their life are probably not settling down and having kids yet.
17:48
Speaker 1: Maybe if you were to go and do like an exchange,
17:50
Speaker 1: go to uni plus an exchange, you're going to be
17:52
Speaker 1: different things. If you were to live where I live,
17:55
Speaker 1: around the circles of friends that I live, you know,
17:57
Speaker 1: none of my friends had, had kids until one of
18:00
Speaker 1: my friends had kids in their twenties. The rest of
18:03
Speaker 1: them in their thirties are still don't have kids yet
18:05
Speaker 1: or may not have kids. Okay. So it's kind of like,
18:07
Speaker 1: I was like, well, if you were, if she was
18:10
Speaker 1: in a friendship group like mine, she would never be
18:13
Speaker 1: feeling this way. She would be really enjoying her twenties
18:16
Speaker 1: without these clouds of her head telling her the timeline,
18:18
Speaker 1: the timeline, the timeline. So sometimes you've got to look
18:21
Speaker 1: at who are you surrounding yourself with? It's not to
18:23
Speaker 1: say they can't be your friends. But what's the daily
18:27
Speaker 1: thoughts that are going into you? This is food for
18:29
Speaker 1: your mind that's telling you, am I falling behind? Am
18:33
Speaker 1: I keeping up? Do I feel old? Do I feel young?
18:35
Speaker 1: Do I feel like I'm playing catch up? Do I
18:37
Speaker 1: feel like my desires don't align with what is expected
18:42
Speaker 1: of me timeline-wise based on who I'm around? So sometimes
18:45
Speaker 1: if you feel stuck, maybe it's a bigger existential thing.
18:50
Speaker 1: Maybe it's like, maybe I need to get out of
18:51
Speaker 1: this environment at least temporarily just to get a breath
18:54
Speaker 1: of fresh air that because if I'm not aligning with
18:57
Speaker 1: where I am right now and the people around me
18:59
Speaker 1: and I feel like it's kind of I'm getting pulled away,
19:02
Speaker 1: maybe I need to create that change for myself and
19:04
Speaker 1: pull myself away and find a new perspective where the
19:06
Speaker 1: people that I'm around make me feel how I want
19:09
Speaker 1: to feel. If you start hanging around people that don't
19:11
Speaker 1: plan on having kids until their 30s or maybe not
19:13
Speaker 1: at all, then you're like, well, I actually feel so
19:15
Speaker 1: much more comfortable. I actually feel like these are my people.
19:18
Speaker 1: Or maybe you try that and you're like, Yeah, no, nope, nope,
19:21
Speaker 1: I actually want kids in the next year. I'm moving
19:23
Speaker 1: back to this circle because that's what I want to feel, okay?
19:26
Speaker 1: But it's important to pay attention to who you are
19:29
Speaker 1: surrounding yourself with. And does that make you feel better
19:32
Speaker 1: about where you are in your life or worse about
19:34
Speaker 1: where you are in your life? Granted, a lot of
19:36
Speaker 1: this comes down to what we tell ourselves as well,
19:39
Speaker 1: but it is important that you look at your environment
19:42
Speaker 1: because there is stuff that you can control and that's
19:45
Speaker 1: in what we tell ourselves, whatever, but also your environment
19:47
Speaker 1: does play a very big role in how you feel
19:49
Speaker 1: about yourself. Not all of it can be what you
19:52
Speaker 1: tell yourself. This is why I also say it's very
19:54
Speaker 1: important to curate what you can with your environment. I
19:58
Speaker 1: think if you've got social media, you have to take
20:01
Speaker 1: the reins and be a bit more responsible in it.
20:03
Speaker 1: You can't say, oh, but all these people make me
20:05
Speaker 1: feel bad. Get specific on your fucking algorithm or don't
20:07
Speaker 1: be on social media. We are adults here. Take control
20:11
Speaker 1: of the situation. You need to redo your algorithm and
20:14
Speaker 1: find fucking people that you're like, yes, I align or
20:17
Speaker 1: don't be on it at all. Why are we subjecting
20:19
Speaker 1: ourselves to be like, but I see all these people
20:21
Speaker 1: and they make me feel like shit. The algorithm is
20:23
Speaker 1: so fucking curated that you can get or start a
20:25
Speaker 1: brand new account. I don't know. I don't know what you,
20:27
Speaker 1: but get it to a point where you're like, okay.
20:31
Speaker 1: This is exactly the kind of shit that I want
20:32
Speaker 1: to be surrounded with, exactly what I want to see
20:34
Speaker 1: as far as like maybe women in their 30s living
20:36
Speaker 1: a certain lifestyle, whatever, if that's what you want. People
20:39
Speaker 1: that don't have kids living in this or people that
20:41
Speaker 1: do have kids and are career women and like you
20:43
Speaker 1: can be as specific as you want. And if you're
20:46
Speaker 1: not doing that, you should start doing that because the
20:51
Speaker 1: food that we feed our minds is as important, if
20:55
Speaker 1: not more, Well, I don't want to make a fucking
20:57
Speaker 1: argument about this, but as the food that we fed
20:59
Speaker 1: our bodies, okay? It's very, very, very important. So that's
21:02
Speaker 1: the first thing. We want to really, whenever possible, take
21:06
Speaker 1: responsibility for the environment that we're in and what that
21:08
Speaker 1: is feeding our mind about how we feel about where
21:11
Speaker 1: we are. When we change our perspective, we can change
21:14
Speaker 1: our experience of the event or of what we're going through.
21:18
Speaker 1: The next thing, number two, is look at where you
21:22
Speaker 1: are feeling like you're stuck and waiting for something. That's
21:26
Speaker 1: another really big thing that makes us feel like we're
21:30
Speaker 1: falling behind, okay? If you feel like you're waiting around,
21:33
Speaker 1: you're waiting to find the right person in your life,
21:35
Speaker 1: you're waiting to be able to have children, you're waiting
21:38
Speaker 1: for all these external things, you're waiting for this career thing,
21:40
Speaker 1: you're waiting to find out what you want to do
21:42
Speaker 1: with your life. Feeling like you're waiting is one of
21:46
Speaker 1: the things that makes us feel like we're falling behind, okay?
21:50
Speaker 1: Or that things aren't going to happen in the timeline
21:52
Speaker 1: that we set out to do. Now, separate to the
21:55
Speaker 1: children thing, because I understand that that is obviously related
21:58
Speaker 1: to the years that you're fertile. But I think creating
22:03
Speaker 1: a five-year or a 10-year timeline, personally for me, this
22:07
Speaker 1: is just my personal opinion. This is not something that
22:09
Speaker 1: I think everyone should take on board because it's different
22:12
Speaker 1: for everyone. But I don't like doing a strict five
22:15
Speaker 1: or 10 year timeline for myself because given my track
22:18
Speaker 1: record of how I've experienced a life, so many things
22:21
Speaker 1: have happened that I could have never planned for that
22:25
Speaker 1: ended up being better than what I had planned for.
22:27
Speaker 1: So instead of creating a strict plan that I would
22:29
Speaker 1: try and stick to over five or 10 years, what
22:33
Speaker 1: I would do is have things that really mattered to
22:35
Speaker 1: me that I would focus on and get done. And
22:37
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be that hell bent on the timeline because
22:40
Speaker 1: there are things that happen in life that does throw
22:42
Speaker 1: the timeline out a little bit And it might be
22:45
Speaker 1: a good thing that happens. It might be a bad
22:47
Speaker 1: thing that happens. So allowing for that flexibility also allows
22:50
Speaker 1: you to try new things and look at new opportunities.
22:53
Speaker 1: But if you're someone that really struggles with that, maybe
22:55
Speaker 1: do throw that timeline out the window. And instead of
22:57
Speaker 1: having a timeline of five-year plan, 10-year plan, maybe instead
23:01
Speaker 1: be like, what are the really important things that matter
23:04
Speaker 1: so much to me that I would really feel like
23:07
Speaker 1: I've lived if I focused on this important thing to me? Okay. Okay.
23:11
Speaker 1: And that helps you focus less on this timeline. And
23:13
Speaker 1: it makes you realize I'm actually living my life now
23:16
Speaker 1: and I'm enjoying it. And whether I'm 50 or 30
23:18
Speaker 1: or 25, I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing
23:21
Speaker 1: with my life. Okay. I saw this, this woman on Instagram,
23:26
Speaker 1: she was talking about this, like the child timeline that
23:31
Speaker 1: she never knew. Does she want kids? Does she not
23:34
Speaker 1: want kids? And this constant back and forth and feeling
23:38
Speaker 1: like she was you know reaching her past her mid-30s
23:41
Speaker 1: and she was riddled with anxiety and then she said
23:44
Speaker 1: that she ultimately made the decision that she wasn't going
23:47
Speaker 1: to have children she's had so much anxiety and so
23:50
Speaker 1: much she did really want kids but there was always
23:52
Speaker 1: this doubt in her mind so it wasn't one of
23:55
Speaker 1: those things that she was 100% sure about she kind
23:57
Speaker 1: of was going back between the two but then she
23:59
Speaker 1: one day said you know I'm just going to fuck
24:02
Speaker 1: the timeline. I need to make a decision on this.
24:04
Speaker 1: If I'm going to have kids, maybe I need to
24:05
Speaker 1: do everything in my power to make sure I have
24:07
Speaker 1: them with or without a partner. And if I'm not,
24:09
Speaker 1: she made the decision not to have children. She said
24:12
Speaker 1: that that decision alone took away all her anxiety and
24:15
Speaker 1: it took away her fear of aging as well. She
24:18
Speaker 1: realized that so much of her fear of falling behind,
24:21
Speaker 1: her fear of not being up to all this is
24:23
Speaker 1: hinged on this one major decision in her life, which
24:25
Speaker 1: is major. And I'm not saying it's something that's easy to,
24:28
Speaker 1: you know, but for this woman, She said once she
24:31
Speaker 1: made that call, not only, of course, because she thought
24:34
Speaker 1: it would just make her feel calmer about that one
24:37
Speaker 1: thing that she was grappling with and now she's made
24:40
Speaker 1: a decision, but she said everything felt like it fell
24:43
Speaker 1: into place after she made that decision. She stopped feeling old.
24:46
Speaker 1: She felt younger than she had ever felt because she
24:48
Speaker 1: stopped feeling like she was in this catch-up. This indecisiveness
24:52
Speaker 1: was making her really fear aging because she felt that
24:54
Speaker 1: she was kind of left behind. And even if she
24:57
Speaker 1: wasn't left behind, she felt that so much of her
24:59
Speaker 1: life was being like funneled into this decision that needed
25:02
Speaker 1: to happen. Okay. So sometimes not knowing what's going to
25:07
Speaker 1: happen does keep you in this limbo. So if you're
25:10
Speaker 1: playing this waiting game, you've got to ask yourself, okay,
25:13
Speaker 1: and I'm not saying make the decision now, because there's
25:15
Speaker 1: certain things that you're like, well, no, I actually do
25:18
Speaker 1: want a partner. And whether it happens now or in
25:19
Speaker 1: 15 years, it's something I'm always going to want. And so,
25:22
Speaker 1: and you know, as it should be, you should, if
25:24
Speaker 1: you want something, you want something, But my thing on
25:28
Speaker 1: this point, number two, where it feels like you're waiting
25:31
Speaker 1: is when there's something so important that you're waiting for,
25:34
Speaker 1: where it's not within your control. So this is, you know,
25:37
Speaker 1: with children, there's many things that are not within your
25:38
Speaker 1: control when it comes to having a child, finding your partner,
25:41
Speaker 1: certain things. There's just so much of it that's not
25:44
Speaker 1: within your control that then you have to acknowledge how
25:47
Speaker 1: much of my life am I going to feel like
25:49
Speaker 1: I'm putting on hold? There's very few things in life
25:53
Speaker 1: that are totally irreversible. I know people that have always
25:56
Speaker 1: wanted to live a year overseas, but because they never
25:58
Speaker 1: found their partner and they're getting older, they're like, oh,
26:00
Speaker 1: maybe I won't because what if my partner, what if this,
26:02
Speaker 1: what if that? But then ironically, when you book that
26:05
Speaker 1: fucking flight and you go overseas and whatever, because I
26:08
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know why, but it almost, when
26:11
Speaker 1: they start living their life for them, that's when they
26:13
Speaker 1: start to, you know, meet the right people or meet
26:15
Speaker 1: that person or this or that, you know, it's almost
26:17
Speaker 1: like when you let go of the reins and say,
26:18
Speaker 1: you know what, because I can't control it, I'm not
26:20
Speaker 1: going to try to control it anymore. I'm not going
26:22
Speaker 1: to try and force to find this person. I'm going
26:24
Speaker 1: to do what I can. If it's being on the apps,
26:27
Speaker 1: if it's this, I'm still going to do it. But
26:28
Speaker 1: now I need to put a lot more focus outside
26:30
Speaker 1: of this waiting game. and into actioning things in my life. 90%
26:34
Speaker 1: of my focus now has to be on like, I'm
26:36
Speaker 1: doing what I can do for that, but I'm going
26:38
Speaker 1: to really focus on doing things for my life that
26:40
Speaker 1: make me feel like I've lived. I don't want to
26:42
Speaker 1: look back and be like, because I wanted to find
26:43
Speaker 1: a partner, I spent the last five years doing fuck all,
26:46
Speaker 1: but going through the motions until I found my partner.
26:48
Speaker 1: You don't want to do that. You want to be like, no, no, no.
26:50
Speaker 1: Those five years were some of the best of my life.
26:52
Speaker 1: And while I might not have found a partner, I
26:54
Speaker 1: can really say that was like top tier years that
26:57
Speaker 1: I've lived. Number three, Where are you placing your importance on?
27:03
Speaker 1: Are we placing our importance on external things too much
27:06
Speaker 1: or are we placing them on internal things? Now, to
27:11
Speaker 1: clarify what I mean by that, let's take appearance, for example.
27:16
Speaker 1: How much are we caring about our appearance? And a
27:19
Speaker 1: really good way of understanding how we really feel about
27:22
Speaker 1: our appearance is compare how you feel when you're around
27:25
Speaker 1: different groups of people. If I was to go out
27:28
Speaker 1: with a particular group of people where all they, well,
27:31
Speaker 1: not all they did work, but maybe a big portion
27:33
Speaker 1: of the conversation was about appearance, what they were getting done,
27:36
Speaker 1: what procedures they were getting done, how they looked, how
27:39
Speaker 1: this has got to be better, how this is, how
27:40
Speaker 1: they're worried about this and this and they want to
27:42
Speaker 1: change this and they're not happy with this. By default,
27:45
Speaker 1: I'm probably going to start thinking about those things about myself.
27:48
Speaker 1: I'm going to be like, oh, well, I haven't done that. Oh, God, well,
27:50
Speaker 1: I guess this could do with some tweaking and, yeah,
27:52
Speaker 1: I do have some wrinkles here and maybe that could
27:54
Speaker 1: be changing, that, that, that, that, that. And then I
27:56
Speaker 1: start thinking about it more and more and more and more.
27:58
Speaker 1: And then when I leave that group, I'm probably going
28:01
Speaker 1: to be thinking about these things again. And so now
28:03
Speaker 1: I've put all my focus on the external, this thing
28:06
Speaker 1: of what people think. And then it's ultimately when it
28:09
Speaker 1: comes to appearance, you then do focus on a comparison. Well,
28:12
Speaker 1: if they're all looking like that, then comparatively, I need
28:15
Speaker 1: to look like this and this and that. Okay. Versus
28:18
Speaker 1: when you hang out with people who you could literally
28:21
Speaker 1: rock up with your hair in a messy bun, no
28:23
Speaker 1: makeup and in a track suit and not even think
28:26
Speaker 1: about what you even wore. And you're having so much fun.
28:29
Speaker 1: You're in tears of laughter. You're crying. Those people that
28:31
Speaker 1: you are just you and at no point has the
28:35
Speaker 1: topic come up at all on some external superficial thing.
28:39
Speaker 1: You're just having the best time or the deepest conversation
28:42
Speaker 1: or you're able to play a board game or you're
28:43
Speaker 1: able to go out and do something funny or fun
28:45
Speaker 1: or whatever. How do you feel when you leave that group?
28:49
Speaker 1: And then if someone was to say straight after you
28:51
Speaker 1: spent time with like your sister or your best friend
28:53
Speaker 1: or someone that just is like that salt of the
28:55
Speaker 1: earth person, they ask, well, how do you feel about
28:57
Speaker 1: your crow's feet? You'd be like, I don't fucking, I
28:59
Speaker 1: don't care. It's all about where you place that importance.
29:03
Speaker 1: When you lean in more to those moments of like, oh,
29:06
Speaker 1: I'm really me. This is the funniest I am. This is,
29:08
Speaker 1: you know, like when I spend time, for example, when
29:10
Speaker 1: I personally spend time with my best friends or my sister,
29:12
Speaker 1: that's the last thing I'm thinking of is how I look. Obviously,
29:16
Speaker 1: if I'm now going to film myself while recording a podcast,
29:19
Speaker 1: I do care about how I look. So it's not
29:20
Speaker 1: like I'm immune to this because it's what I'm talking
29:23
Speaker 1: about now. I do care, but it's how much time
29:27
Speaker 1: am I putting into the focus on the external versus
29:30
Speaker 1: how much time am I putting on the internal and
29:32
Speaker 1: things that make me feel good on the inside that
29:34
Speaker 1: make me feel like the best I ever feel is
29:36
Speaker 1: when I feel like I'm on one and really funny.
29:39
Speaker 1: That's when I'm riding high on life. If I'm on
29:41
Speaker 1: one of those moments with my best friends or my
29:43
Speaker 1: sister and it's just funny, funny, one-liners, one-liners, like these
29:46
Speaker 1: hypothetical situations. I've never felt better about myself than in
29:49
Speaker 1: those moments. No matter how good I look when I
29:53
Speaker 1: do a photo shoot or whatever, that's not when I
29:54
Speaker 1: feel the best about myself. And then I guess that's
29:57
Speaker 1: the key to understanding that. Like even the times where
30:01
Speaker 1: I'm fully made up with the best outfit ever and
30:03
Speaker 1: I look amazing and I can look in the mirror
30:05
Speaker 1: and say this is by far the best I've ever
30:07
Speaker 1: looked by my standards for how good I can look
30:10
Speaker 1: and I'm really loving it, it still doesn't top how
30:13
Speaker 1: I feel when I'm like absolutely perfect feeling the best
30:19
Speaker 1: about myself personality wise. And I'm just having the best
30:21
Speaker 1: time with the people around me. Okay. So that's what
30:23
Speaker 1: I'm talking about. Where are we placing our importance? We
30:25
Speaker 1: want to make sure that if we are doing these
30:27
Speaker 1: things about our appearance and whatever, it's more so being like,
30:32
Speaker 1: oh yeah, no, I think I'd like that thing. I
30:33
Speaker 1: think I'd feel good with that thing versus I've just
30:37
Speaker 1: spent all this time with people telling me I need
30:39
Speaker 1: to get that done. I'm going to feel behind if
30:40
Speaker 1: I don't get that done. I'm going to feel really
30:41
Speaker 1: shit about myself if I don't get done. Notice how
30:43
Speaker 1: one's a but I still feel really good about myself
30:48
Speaker 1: regardless and it won't tear me up if I don't
30:50
Speaker 1: get it done versus I have to get this done
30:52
Speaker 1: because if I don't, I'm going to fall behind. So
30:55
Speaker 1: that's kind of where I want you to look at
30:57
Speaker 1: any procedure. It's not I have to get it done.
31:01
Speaker 1: It's I want to get it done. I think we
31:03
Speaker 1: need to change the language around like, you know, when
31:05
Speaker 1: people say, oh, my God, I need Botox. I need
31:07
Speaker 1: to get this fixed. I need to get this changed.
31:09
Speaker 1: It's I want to. I'd like to. It'd be fun to.
31:14
Speaker 1: I want to try this. It's not a need for
31:16
Speaker 1: the most part. For the most part, it's not a need. Okay.
31:20
Speaker 1: Number four, I want to really get clear on how
31:27
Speaker 1: to let go of really harsh beauty standards. And one
31:38
Speaker 1: of the best ways we can let go of really
31:40
Speaker 1: harsh beauty standards is by identify when someone is using
31:44
Speaker 1: your insecurities against you. And then it starts becoming so
31:48
Speaker 1: obvious that it becomes almost comical. When you get really
31:51
Speaker 1: good is when is someone using my insecurities or things
31:55
Speaker 1: where they're able to manipulate me? Obviously, advertising, people telling
31:59
Speaker 1: me what I need to get done, toxic people in
32:01
Speaker 1: your life, toxic ex-boyfriends or current boyfriends, get rid of them, whatever.
32:05
Speaker 1: who are telling you that this needs to be changed,
32:07
Speaker 1: this is not good enough, this needs to be different,
32:09
Speaker 1: oh my God, you know, shock, horror, you've got this
32:11
Speaker 1: thing about your appearance that shouldn't be like that and
32:13
Speaker 1: this and that. All that stuff, if you start becoming,
32:17
Speaker 1: like if you're ahead of the game being like, wow,
32:19
Speaker 1: they're really using this manipulation tactic to get me to
32:22
Speaker 1: feel a certain way about myself. If you already have
32:25
Speaker 1: that layer of feeling good about yourself, and I'm going
32:27
Speaker 1: to talk about other ways that you can do that
32:29
Speaker 1: in a minute, If you already have that layer, then
32:32
Speaker 1: you question it a little bit more. And it's not
32:34
Speaker 1: to say, well, I'll never get Botox or I'll never
32:36
Speaker 1: do that treatment because I feel this way. But you're
32:38
Speaker 1: able to be like, I don't fucking need that. Thank
32:40
Speaker 1: you very much. I may or may not do it,
32:42
Speaker 1: but for you to make it feel like, oh, it's
32:44
Speaker 1: game over if I don't get it done. Like I
32:46
Speaker 1: always come back to the point, the most confident people
32:49
Speaker 1: in the world aren't the most quote unquote universally like,
32:54
Speaker 1: or like objectively beautiful people. Okay. They are the people
32:58
Speaker 1: that just like themselves. At the end of the day,
33:00
Speaker 1: the most confident people, the happiest people are the ones
33:03
Speaker 1: that like themselves. They rest their head on their pillow
33:06
Speaker 1: at night and say, I like who I am as
33:07
Speaker 1: a person. It's not the ones that look in the
33:09
Speaker 1: mirror and say, I'm the most gorgeous person in the world. Unfortunately,
33:12
Speaker 1: a lot of the most quote unquote gorgeous people in
33:14
Speaker 1: the world constantly tear themselves apart because they are made
33:17
Speaker 1: to feel that that is their value that they bring
33:19
Speaker 1: to society. And because they feel that something that can
33:22
Speaker 1: easily go away and goes away with aging, they're probably
33:24
Speaker 1: the ones that fear aging more. quite a bit because
33:27
Speaker 1: they're like, well, if everyone's telling me that that's where
33:29
Speaker 1: my value is, it's something that I need to perfect
33:31
Speaker 1: and it's something that I'm going to be picking apart
33:33
Speaker 1: all the time. It's not really that much of a
33:36
Speaker 1: blessing if that's how you're going to feel about yourself.
33:39
Speaker 1: So in return, you've got to think, you know, these
33:41
Speaker 1: crazy harsh beauty standards ultimately do not make you happy,
33:44
Speaker 1: like the happiest at the end of the day. They
33:46
Speaker 1: might make you feel like, oh, I feel really, I
33:48
Speaker 1: feel fresh. I feel good. I like how I look
33:50
Speaker 1: in the mirror. Great. But are they going to actually
33:52
Speaker 1: change who you are as an individual? If you can't
33:54
Speaker 1: already feel good within yourself about who you are as
33:57
Speaker 1: a person, trust me, that's not going to be the
33:59
Speaker 1: thing that changes it for you. Okay. Now, one thing
34:03
Speaker 1: that really gets me upset, there are people in my family, okay,
34:06
Speaker 1: who don't like being in photos because they think they
34:09
Speaker 1: look too old and they're like, oh no, oh my God,
34:12
Speaker 1: look at me in that photo. Oh my God, I
34:13
Speaker 1: look too old. I look too old. And I always
34:15
Speaker 1: get really upset. I'm like, why do we put so
34:17
Speaker 1: much importance on looking too old in a photo? Like,
34:19
Speaker 1: don't you want your grandkids to be able to have
34:21
Speaker 1: all these photos to look back on when you're dead?
34:24
Speaker 1: And they want to like, look at those photos and
34:26
Speaker 1: be like, oh my God, that was me with my grandma.
34:27
Speaker 1: Do you think like, this is what I always come
34:29
Speaker 1: back to. Do you think that, you know, like my
34:32
Speaker 1: kids who are one now, as they grow, unless I
34:37
Speaker 1: make a thing of it, do I think that my
34:38
Speaker 1: sons are like, you're looking a bit old today? No,
34:41
Speaker 1: they're like, oh, you're amazing. You're my mom. You're like,
34:43
Speaker 1: look at it from that perspective. Look at it from
34:44
Speaker 1: the perspective of family. I never look at my parents
34:48
Speaker 1: or my aunties and uncles and be like, ooh, you're
34:50
Speaker 1: starting to age. I always look at them. I'm like,
34:52
Speaker 1: fucking love you guys. Every time I see you, it
34:53
Speaker 1: brightens my day. And I think When you look at
34:58
Speaker 1: it from that perspective, people that genuinely love you, when
35:00
Speaker 1: they see you, they just want to see you. They
35:02
Speaker 1: don't really care if there's all these things. The people
35:04
Speaker 1: that care are people that are trying to benefit off it,
35:07
Speaker 1: whether they benefit if you're feeling shit about yourself or
35:09
Speaker 1: whether they benefit because they make money off you. But
35:12
Speaker 1: people who actually genuinely care are trying to benefit. So
35:16
Speaker 1: if you just are aware of that in the background,
35:19
Speaker 1: I think it makes you succumb a little bit less
35:21
Speaker 1: to these crazy, harsh standards, okay? Now, that's, okay, number five.
35:27
Speaker 1: One of the best ways to feel good about aging
35:29
Speaker 1: is to focus on your contributions to the people and
35:32
Speaker 1: the things outside of you, your real value. If you
35:36
Speaker 1: feel like you are valuable in life, then you start
35:40
Speaker 1: to feel really good about who you are. So for me,
35:45
Speaker 1: because my podcast reaches a lot of people and when
35:48
Speaker 1: I go to the live shows, I actually get a
35:50
Speaker 1: lot of opportunities to speak to the people that have
35:53
Speaker 1: come to the, you know, I've listened to the podcast
35:56
Speaker 1: for years and they talk to me after the show
35:58
Speaker 1: when we do a meet and greet after. And we
36:00
Speaker 1: talk about how they found my podcast or how this
36:03
Speaker 1: changed or how that. For me, I could be a
36:06
Speaker 1: wrinkly old grandmother and I think I'd be the happiest
36:09
Speaker 1: fucking person in my life because I feel like there's
36:12
Speaker 1: been so much contribution that I've been lucky enough to
36:14
Speaker 1: do because when people talk to me, oh, I found
36:17
Speaker 1: this and I found that and you told me this
36:18
Speaker 1: and you told me that, I'm like, that's the best
36:19
Speaker 1: fucking thing ever, okay? So when you look at your contributions,
36:22
Speaker 1: you care less about aging and you feel better about
36:26
Speaker 1: the journey that you're on. And it doesn't have to
36:28
Speaker 1: be a podcast where there's X amount of listeners. It
36:31
Speaker 1: could be in your friendship group and how good you
36:34
Speaker 1: make your friends feel. Or it could be in what
36:36
Speaker 1: you do for work. Maybe you're a teacher and your
36:39
Speaker 1: contribution to making that child feel confident within themselves when
36:43
Speaker 1: maybe they don't feel that at home is massive, massive.
36:46
Speaker 1: You know, how you treat other people. You could be like,
36:51
Speaker 1: to this day, there's like a handful of lecturers that
36:53
Speaker 1: I've had in my undergrad and postgrad that I remember
36:56
Speaker 1: clearly things they've said and that have inspired me to
37:00
Speaker 1: have the career that I have now. Like imagine if
37:02
Speaker 1: that's your contribution. You're like, I'm inspiring the next generation
37:05
Speaker 1: of people coming through or I'm X, Y, Z. That
37:08
Speaker 1: kind of contribution is your real value, not, you know,
37:14
Speaker 1: your age, not how your face is looking. And the
37:18
Speaker 1: more you look at that, the more, the better you feel.
37:21
Speaker 1: And I kind of look at it is how to
37:24
Speaker 1: become really difficult to replace, okay? What is it that
37:28
Speaker 1: I can provide in this world that would be really
37:30
Speaker 1: difficult to replace me, whether that be in my employment
37:33
Speaker 1: or whether that be as a friend or as a partner,
37:36
Speaker 1: as whatever? Replaceable people are ones that don't add value.
37:43
Speaker 1: And you could go on about, oh, but everyone is
37:46
Speaker 1: worth the same, whatever. Yeah, okay, human life is always
37:48
Speaker 1: worth the same. But when we talk about our perspective,
37:51
Speaker 1: when you look at the relationships that you yourself have had,
37:54
Speaker 1: I'm sure that you as an individual can tell me
37:58
Speaker 1: who the high value people in your life from your
38:00
Speaker 1: perspective are and who are the very replaceable people that
38:03
Speaker 1: don't really make a difference in your life. So it's
38:05
Speaker 1: not saying that their life is not valuable, but to individuals,
38:10
Speaker 1: there is a difference. So if I'm going to provide
38:12
Speaker 1: a high level of value to the people that I love,
38:16
Speaker 1: then I feel good. If I'm going to provide a
38:18
Speaker 1: high level of value in my work, and you don't
38:20
Speaker 1: have to, you choose where you provide the value. then
38:23
Speaker 1: it's going to be harder for me to be replaceable.
38:25
Speaker 1: All of that, you know, like that's how you want
38:27
Speaker 1: to look at it. How can I make myself as
38:30
Speaker 1: valuable as possible in whichever realm I want to look at?
38:34
Speaker 1: Those are the things that make you feel really fucking
38:37
Speaker 1: good about aging and moving through life. Number six, focus
38:44
Speaker 1: on what you have earned in life. What do you
38:48
Speaker 1: do in your own life that has made you really
38:53
Speaker 1: grateful for all these experiences. What have you earned? What
38:56
Speaker 1: can you look back on your life and be like,
38:58
Speaker 1: in my time so far, I have done X, Y, Z.
39:02
Speaker 1: And if you're very young and you're like, but I
39:04
Speaker 1: still haven't done all that stuff, this should inspire you
39:06
Speaker 1: to do as much as possible. So that way you
39:10
Speaker 1: build up this entire story worth of things that you've
39:14
Speaker 1: earned in your life. And it's not just in education.
39:17
Speaker 1: While education is a massive one that I'll always bang
39:19
Speaker 1: on about because that's the most valuable thing commodity you
39:22
Speaker 1: can ever have for yourself is to educate yourself in
39:24
Speaker 1: any way that you deem important to you. But it's
39:29
Speaker 1: also so like, yeah, okay. you've earned the education, you've earned,
39:32
Speaker 1: you know, working your way up in a particular job,
39:34
Speaker 1: but you also earn your friendships, you earn your relationships,
39:37
Speaker 1: you earn experiences, you earn, you know, all these trips
39:42
Speaker 1: that you've done in your life, all these adventures, Type
39:45
Speaker 1: two fun is massive. Type two fun is, and again,
39:49
Speaker 1: I have said, I'm going to do a podcast on this.
39:50
Speaker 1: I need to, but it's basically the kind of fun
39:52
Speaker 1: that at the time it's not fun. But when you
39:54
Speaker 1: reflect on it, you're like, lol, hilarious. That makes for
39:57
Speaker 1: such a good memory, whether it's something really embarrassing that
40:00
Speaker 1: happened or whether it was doing a really hard task,
40:03
Speaker 1: like running a marathon or doing an overnight, a 24 hour, whatever.
40:07
Speaker 1: whatever it is, but those things that in hindsight, you're like, yeah,
40:10
Speaker 1: that's fucking awesome. But at the time is not fun.
40:12
Speaker 1: Type two fun, all these memories, adventures, achievements, relationships, seasons
40:16
Speaker 1: in your life. Do things with your year that make
40:21
Speaker 1: that year stand out. So you're not sitting, like I said,
40:24
Speaker 1: playing the waiting game. So you're not sitting there just waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, 5, 10,
40:28
Speaker 1: 15 years goes past because you haven't met your person
40:30
Speaker 1: and you've wasted your life because that person hasn't come
40:33
Speaker 1: into your life. It's not good enough. We want to
40:35
Speaker 1: be doing things where we're marking different seasons in our life.
40:38
Speaker 1: And then when you are in your 30s, 40s, 50s,
40:40
Speaker 1: you look back and think, I have earned so many
40:43
Speaker 1: different seasons in my life, so many different like epic
40:46
Speaker 1: relationships that I've that I've collected along the way in
40:48
Speaker 1: my life, memories that can never be taken away, skills
40:53
Speaker 1: that I've built on, hobbies that now I'm so fucking
40:56
Speaker 1: good at that I've earned. Like you might be the
40:58
Speaker 1: best fucking baker in the world as a hobby, right?
41:02
Speaker 1: Like there's all this shit that you've done that you've earned.
41:06
Speaker 1: And the more you earn, the more you use your
41:08
Speaker 1: time for that kind of stuff that's fun, relational, the
41:11
Speaker 1: better you're going to feel about yourself and on the
41:12
Speaker 1: journey that you're on in this life, okay? Now, the
41:15
Speaker 1: last thing, that I want to talk about is always
41:19
Speaker 1: remind yourself of the difference between transitioning away from youth,
41:23
Speaker 1: quote unquote, as young in the numbers of years that
41:27
Speaker 1: you've lived, versus heading towards mental and physical decline, as
41:32
Speaker 1: in degeneration. A huge difference. So many people worry about
41:37
Speaker 1: turning 30, turning 40, turning 50. These are young, young ages, okay?
41:43
Speaker 1: We're living in this society where that's what we're meant
41:46
Speaker 1: to fear, when in reality, you should fear degeneration. But
41:50
Speaker 1: it's really hard to imagine ourselves as an 80-year-old, as
41:53
Speaker 1: a 90-year-old, when we're so much younger than that. If
41:56
Speaker 1: you're in your 20s or 30s, it's like, oh, that's
41:58
Speaker 1: fucking ages away. That's the shit we should actually be
42:01
Speaker 1: concerned about. Because that's the stuff that changes our behavior
42:05
Speaker 1: today that's actually beneficial for us. But instead, we're kind of,
42:09
Speaker 1: it's like this propaganda that we've all been fed, that
42:11
Speaker 1: the thing that we need to fear is a wrinkle
42:14
Speaker 1: here or there, or the fact that we're no longer
42:16
Speaker 1: 20 or in our 20s. It's just, that's brainwashing to
42:20
Speaker 1: a crazy, that's full indoctrination energy. That's like cult vibes.
42:24
Speaker 1: We need to change that. And every time we talk
42:26
Speaker 1: about aging, it's like, what do I actually fear about aging?
42:29
Speaker 1: Because I want to have the longest health span possible
42:32
Speaker 1: to the extent that I enjoy each era of my life.
42:35
Speaker 1: That when I'm in my 60s, I'm fucking loving it. 70s,
42:37
Speaker 1: I'm fucking loving it. Because I'm doing all the things
42:39
Speaker 1: I need to be doing to whenever possible be protecting
42:42
Speaker 1: myself from degeneration. Why am I caring so much about
42:45
Speaker 1: this little wrinkle thing? And can I just say, those
42:47
Speaker 1: people that are on Ozempic to make them the skinniest
42:51
Speaker 1: fucking version of themselves, please stop. please take care of
42:54
Speaker 1: your bone density. Like your fucking bone density. If you
42:58
Speaker 1: start breaking bones at a young age, cause you've got
42:59
Speaker 1: no fucking bone density because you are not nourishing your body.
43:03
Speaker 1: That's that. If you, if you honestly, I don't even
43:06
Speaker 1: want to like go onto another tangent, but if we're
43:08
Speaker 1: talking about anti-aging, one of the worst things you can
43:11
Speaker 1: do is not nourish your body properly and not take
43:13
Speaker 1: care of your bones. If you want to degenerate by
43:16
Speaker 1: all means, you know, but that's something that we need
43:20
Speaker 1: to like, it's almost like, what do you call it?
43:22
Speaker 1: It's a It's like a paradox. In this obsession to
43:26
Speaker 1: look a certain way, we will, you know, cause other
43:31
Speaker 1: things in our body to degenerate, which then in turn
43:34
Speaker 1: will make us a whole lot older than what we
43:37
Speaker 1: set out. So we set out to try and look
43:38
Speaker 1: really young and beautiful and then by doing so, you're
43:42
Speaker 1: directly making yourself age faster and degenerate faster. So it's
43:45
Speaker 1: something that we really need to, that's where the quote
43:48
Speaker 1: unquote fear should be. We should be putting our energy into,
43:50
Speaker 1: I don't want to degenerate. And that's where you really
43:54
Speaker 1: live a fulfilled life because you're caring about your health.
43:56
Speaker 1: You're doing all this stuff in your brain. You're building
43:59
Speaker 1: on that cognitive reserve. You're doing all that stuff. And
44:01
Speaker 1: then the last thing you're thinking about is worrying too
44:04
Speaker 1: much about, oh, I'm not in my 20s anymore because
44:05
Speaker 1: your life is so full with this kind of stuff.
44:08
Speaker 1: So anyway, that's the episode of today. Hopefully with all
44:12
Speaker 1: of that, you're able to be like, okay, what can
44:14
Speaker 1: I really be like sinking my teeth into feeling really
44:17
Speaker 1: good about? Who are the people that I need to
44:19
Speaker 1: be spending more time with? Where do I need to
44:21
Speaker 1: be living? If we're going back to one of those
44:23
Speaker 1: first questions that I asked and we're changing our environment,
44:25
Speaker 1: what environment would I thrive in and feel like? Like
44:29
Speaker 1: look back at Sex and the City. These women were
44:30
Speaker 1: in their 30s, like not even blinking at the thought
44:33
Speaker 1: of like, oh, my fucking eyes should be having, like fabulous, okay?
44:36
Speaker 1: So if that's you, change your environment. And I know
44:40
Speaker 1: it's easier said than done, but start to look at
44:42
Speaker 1: things that are going to be enriching for you as
44:45
Speaker 1: your environment versus not. And if we're talking about a
44:48
Speaker 1: starting place, Look at your fucking algorithm on social media
44:51
Speaker 1: and change that environment and go from there. Okay, guys,
44:54
Speaker 1: that is all for the episode of today. Dankeschön for
44:57
Speaker 1: listening and for commenting on the episodes. Rate, review on Spotify.
45:04
Speaker 1: Keep sharing it. It's you guys that grow the podcast
45:06
Speaker 1: and always have through word of mouth. So I always
45:08
Speaker 1: will appreciate that. And I am always grateful for you guys.
45:11
Speaker 1: And as always, remember, be kind to yourself, be kind
45:14
Speaker 1: to your brain. Don't take shit from anyone and especially
45:17
Speaker 1: don't take shit from yourself. Dankeschön.