Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Did the narcissist in your life ever care about you?

Transcript

Did the narcissist in your life ever care about you? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  What is going on? Beautiful people?
• 0:03
  Today we are talking about Do narcissists ever care?
• 0:07
  Did they ever care about you? Did they ever love you?
• 0:10
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:11
  I'm actually a clinically diagnosed narcissist.
• 0:14
  And welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
• 0:34
  Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.
• 0:36
  Hot button topic is, isn't it? Why does this have to be a hot
• 0:40
  button topic? So many people are just like so
• 0:43
  many people see this, they hear this, right, they see it, they
• 0:47
  hear it. And some, like they see the
• 0:50
  question. They probably saw the thumbnail
• 0:52
  and you meet them, Your first thing out to their ears, out of
• 0:55
  their mouth was no, they're like no, they never cared.
• 0:59
  They never they never did anything.
• 1:00
  They never cared about me. They and that's that that helps
• 1:03
  me heal. They just know guys, no matter
• 1:06
  how long you were with them, there's never a second of time
• 1:10
  that they cared about you and you wasted all your life.
• 1:12
  But just start healing now, 40 years later, 50 years later just
• 1:17
  starts your healing process. Now you wasted 50 years.
• 1:20
  Like, y'all I I have narcissistic personality
• 1:24
  disorder, which a lot of times is accompanied by a lack of
• 1:27
  empathy. Right?
• 1:29
  But I have a lot. Yeah.
• 1:30
  This is what my empathy does kick in.
• 1:32
  And I just tell people So from my perspective, and this is not
• 1:35
  going to be true for everybody, but from my perspective, did
• 1:37
  they ever care? A lot of them probably did at
• 1:39
  first. Y'all, I would say this.
• 1:42
  Most of them cared more in the beginning than they did in the
• 1:46
  end. I'll say it like that.
• 1:47
  Yeah, most if if they did care. Most of the caring and the love
• 1:50
  and the compassion was at the beginning.
• 1:53
  You know, could they have bumps? Like, you know, it starts off
• 1:56
  with most relationships with narcissists start off on high
• 1:59
  notes, right? They start off good because if
• 2:02
  it was bad, 100% of the time you would leave, wouldn't you?
• 2:05
  You wouldn't stay in a relationship that started off
• 2:07
  with them punching you in your mouth.
• 2:08
  Like, hey, here's the first day, this is what you this is what
• 2:11
  you have to expect for the rest of your life, fat and hit you in
• 2:14
  the first day. Is there a possibility that some
• 2:16
  people would stay through that? Maybe, you know, I'm not going
• 2:20
  to say never because you just never.
• 2:21
  You never know these days. I never say never.
• 2:25
  But a lot of times in these spaces, this is what happens
• 2:27
  right here. You know, this is the dynamic,
• 2:29
  this is a lot of like they carried mostly, mostly in the
• 2:32
  beginning because they presented that they presented their best
• 2:35
  foot forward like most people do, right?
• 2:38
  But that's how it goes. Like in the beginning they
• 2:41
  carried the most because it's going to sound, it's going to
• 2:43
  sound bad. But even when a narcissist is
• 2:47
  caring about you, they are centering themselves in that.
• 2:52
  What do you mean by that, Lee? Even though they care about you,
• 2:56
  it's how you make them feel about themselves.
• 3:00
  It's how you make us feel about ourselves.
• 3:02
  Because so many people on these self or narcissist chats for
• 3:05
  some reason think I'm trying to distance myself from being a
• 3:07
  narcissist. We've got new videos about
• 3:09
  narcissist, you know? But this is so many people try
• 3:13
  like it is how it goes. Like they centre themselves in
• 3:19
  them, caring about you. And I know that sounds weird,
• 3:22
  but that's how it goes a lot of times.
• 3:24
  Like the narcissist in the beginning, when they're love
• 3:27
  bombing you, they are also feeling good, like they love the
• 3:31
  feeling that loving you or caring about you gives them.
• 3:35
  So they want to reciprocate that.
• 3:36
  So I love, I care about you. You make me feel good about
• 3:39
  myself. You know, I feel great.
• 3:41
  So I want to reciprocate that. I want you to.
• 3:43
  I want to make you feel how I feel right.
• 3:46
  So I show you that I care. I do all this other stuff.
• 3:48
  So let me go, Let me back rewind a little bit.
• 3:50
  Could this be manipulation from the beginning?
• 3:52
  Yes. It is absolutely possible that
• 3:54
  you have a toxic, manipulative person that is being a
• 3:57
  manipulator from the beginning that is open to that is open to
• 4:01
  manipulation from the very beginning.
• 4:03
  This is, this is how it goes. This is part of the process
• 4:05
  right here. They're open.
• 4:06
  They're trying to manipulate you.
• 4:07
  They're they're trying to come live with you.
• 4:09
  They're trying to marry you because they're they need a
• 4:11
  green card or something like that.
• 4:12
  I've heard that happened before too, like, and it's not, you
• 4:16
  know, that's how it happened that me, not me, trying to be a
• 4:18
  no, not a racist trope. I've heard this story probably
• 4:21
  100 times. You know, we got married, Lee,
• 4:24
  and they disappeared on me. Like, I now have to go down to
• 4:27
  the office and try to file a reversal, try to get it, get the
• 4:30
  marriage. I know so they can get that, so
• 4:32
  they can stop the process of them being becoming a citizen.
• 4:35
  Like the the international toxic narcissist.
• 4:38
  Yeah, those exist. They really do.
• 4:41
  They really, really do here today, happening from from
• 4:44
  Nigeria, from, from Mexico, just all over.
• 4:47
  Yeah, it it does happen. It does really, really, really
• 4:50
  does happen. But that's part of the process
• 4:53
  though, you know, they those people are being manipulative
• 4:56
  from the beginning because they have a they have a goal in mind,
• 4:59
  you know. But not all people have those
• 5:01
  type of goals in mind to manipulate you from the
• 5:03
  beginning. Some of them want you to feel
• 5:05
  good about your, want you to feel good about them because you
• 5:08
  make them feel good about themselves.
• 5:09
  Yes, they they are centering themselves in it a lot of times
• 5:12
  and a lot of times they're centering themselves in it about
• 5:15
  how they feel. But yeah, I said some of them do
• 5:17
  care, but it's mostly going to be in the beginning, you know,
• 5:20
  it starts off, you know, now I said this before, but
• 5:23
  relationships with narcissists kind of age like you ever seen
• 5:26
  the movie Benjamin Button with a Brad Pitt.
• 5:29
  When he start, he aged in reverse.
• 5:31
  You know, he start, he was born like an old man and got, you
• 5:34
  know, as he got older, he got younger.
• 5:35
  That's how it happens. The narcissistic relationships
• 5:38
  are like Benjamin Button. They go in reverse.
• 5:40
  The good part is at the beginning and it goes downhill.
• 5:43
  Most relationships start at the bottom and you work your way to
• 5:46
  the top of love, the, you know, the peak of love, the mountain,
• 5:49
  the the summit of love. But a relationship with a
• 5:52
  narcissist or types of person starts off at the summit.
• 5:56
  You start off on the summit, you start off at the top.
• 5:58
  You start off. We are, we are up here.
• 6:00
  You know, you are up here at the summit, at the top of the summit
• 6:04
  with this narcissistic person. That's how it goes.
• 6:07
  And that's why I tell people like this is part of the
• 6:09
  process, This is part of the dynamic when you're dealing with
• 6:11
  a narcissistic person, like the best is in the beginning.
• 6:14
  So they care more at the beginning than they do at the
• 6:17
  end. It doesn't mean that they stop
• 6:18
  caring, you know, It doesn't mean it doesn't always.
• 6:21
  It doesn't go from the top of the mountain to the bottom of,
• 6:23
  you know, it doesn't go from the top of the mountain to the
• 6:27
  bottom of it. It could, like I said, there's
• 6:30
  going to be like little cliffs, little edges.
• 6:32
  You know, there's some of it doesn't go from the top to the
• 6:34
  bottom. Yeah, but most times it's going
• 6:36
  to hit. You're going to hit little edges
• 6:37
  and valleys and things like that.
• 6:39
  You might fall into a crevice, but that's not the bottom, you
• 6:42
  know, that happens too. So you have to be.
• 6:44
  This is some of the stuff you have to be prepared for.
• 6:47
  And I know people when I tell people this, they're just like,
• 6:48
  well, Lee, this doesn't sound like love or carrying it out.
• 6:50
  Yo, I'm going to tell you from the narcissist perspective, no,
• 6:53
  not everybody's going to agree with me.
• 6:55
  And that's. Yeah.
• 6:56
  And I'm. I tell people I'm totally fine
• 6:58
  with being disagreed with. I think they think I'm lying.
• 7:00
  They're like, you're lying. You don't.
• 7:02
  You're not totally fine with being disagreed with.
• 7:03
  Yeah. I'm fine with being with people
• 7:05
  disagreeing with me. I'm not fine with people
• 7:07
  disrespecting me because we disagree.
• 7:09
  Like, Lee, you're an idiot. You're a damn idiot.
• 7:11
  You don't know S You don't know. You're a stupid beep.
• 7:16
  You have no rebuttal but to call me.
• 7:18
  You know, ad hominem attacks. You attacking me like you
• 7:20
  calling me names. Come on, bro.
• 7:22
  Come on, come on, come on. You know.
• 7:26
  But it happens. So did they carry?
• 7:28
  Like what? If so, let me, let me say this
• 7:30
  right here. What if they cared about you to
• 7:34
  the maximum of their ability to care?
• 7:38
  What if they loved you to their maximum ability?
• 7:45
  What if it just wasn't enough? You know, what if they love you
• 7:48
  as much as they could love, but in the end it wasn't enough for
• 7:52
  you? What is that is that does that
• 7:54
  help you heal? Because yeah, I don't think like
• 7:56
  just for me because I've talked to a lot of people in these
• 7:58
  positions there you you've married with somebody for 2010,
• 8:02
  five, 10:50, however long you married, you know, or in a
• 8:05
  relationship with this person, not everybody gets married.
• 8:07
  But how do you say you've been together for 30 years?
• 8:10
  Y'all only got built a family together.
• 8:12
  They got grandkids, great grandkids, all the type of
• 8:15
  stuff. Y'all got family members.
• 8:17
  Y'all got to build a huge family right at the end.
• 8:21
  Imagine somebody's just telling you that person never cared
• 8:25
  about you and just move on with your life.
• 8:27
  You have to help heal possible self love.
• 8:29
  Imagine that you wasted 30 years of your life with somebody that
• 8:31
  you built the family with and kids with.
• 8:34
  So did they care about you at some point in time?
• 8:36
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 8:36
  I don't think narcissists, just most narcissists stay with
• 8:39
  people that they don't. They don't care about.
• 8:41
  Yeah. Narcissists don't like being by
• 8:42
  themselves, but I don't think they will force themselves to
• 8:45
  stay with with in a marriage or make a create a family with
• 8:48
  somebody that they hate because they'll make them hate
• 8:50
  themselves. But some of them do it.
• 8:52
  Y'all. Some of them will do it.
• 8:53
  Yeah. And I don't see none of them.
• 8:54
  Some of them will do it, but most of them are not thinking
• 8:56
  like that. Y'all.
• 8:57
  Most of them do fall for you. They do care about you.
• 9:00
  But then something in their minds or whatever switches off,
• 9:04
  something in their minds flips off and it makes them care a
• 9:07
  little bit less, You know, that's what I'm saying.
• 9:09
  It makes them care a little bit less.
• 9:10
  As time goes on, they care less and less and less.
• 9:12
  But just because they care less does not mean that they'll let
• 9:15
  you go. And I think that's the the
• 9:16
  disconnect me and a lot of people have right there because
• 9:18
  they stay with you. I think people like they they
• 9:21
  they will discard you. But just because they discard
• 9:24
  you does not mean that they will get rid of you.
• 9:27
  You know, they will emotionally discard you, but it doesn't mean
• 9:30
  that they will absolutely physically get rid of you.
• 9:32
  Because some a part of them maybe still cares about you.
• 9:34
  A part of them maybe does nice things for you every once in a
• 9:38
  while because they do care, but they just don't know how.
• 9:40
  Maybe they they love you to the up.
• 9:42
  They they love you to the maximum ability.
• 9:45
  They they they they know how to love that they were, they were
• 9:47
  taught how to love that they had the moral of how to love.
• 9:50
  Maybe they had abusive parents and what not neglectful parents.
• 9:53
  They didn't. They didn't show them what love
• 9:55
  looked like. So they loved you as much as
• 9:57
  they could, but it just wasn't enough.
• 9:59
  And this is not me trying to make excuses for any type of
• 10:01
  emotional, physical abuse. Hell no.
• 10:04
  That's absolutely not what I'm trying to do.
• 10:06
  I'm trying what I'm trying to show.
• 10:07
  What I'm trying to say is that maybe what?
• 10:09
  What if they cared about you to the to the maximum that they
• 10:12
  could care, You know, what if they loved you to the maximum of
• 10:17
  their ability but it just ran out.
• 10:19
  Just their their their love flame, or the the flame of them
• 10:23
  carrying just didn't burn bright enough for you.
• 10:27
  Maybe it wasn't enough for you. You know, to me, that doesn't
• 10:30
  seem like a waste of time. That just seemed like you might
• 10:31
  outgrew them. You're you need more.
• 10:33
  You need more heat. You need more heat than their
• 10:35
  love flame can provide. You know, and a lot of times
• 10:38
  y'all their bigger heat comes from within yourself.
• 10:41
  Their love heat comes from within you, You know it doesn't
• 10:45
  go anywhere else. Their love heat comes from
• 10:47
  within yourself in those spaces. That's how it goes, though.
• 10:51
  Yeah, that's why I'm just telling people, when you're
• 10:53
  dealing with narcissists, toxic people or whoever, that's part
• 10:56
  of it right there. This is part of the dynamic of
• 10:58
  growing in these relationships, understanding that just because
• 11:02
  it ends doesn't mean that that person hates you.
• 11:03
  They might hate, they might hate, hate how you make them
• 11:05
  feel about themselves. But I personally don't think
• 11:07
  people waste time, especially if you didn't have the information
• 11:10
  provided in front of the information that you have right
• 11:13
  now. Maybe somebody didn't have the
• 11:14
  information 20 years ago, 10 years ago, 30 years ago, maybe
• 11:18
  you didn't have the information. Maybe if you had this
• 11:20
  information 40 years ago, maybe you would have left earlier, you
• 11:22
  know, But you did your best you could to survive.
• 11:26
  I said, now you know, now the information is in front of you,
• 11:29
  now you now, would it be because you know what you're dealing
• 11:33
  with, you know who you're dealing with?
• 11:34
  Would it be a waste of time now just for you to decide, you
• 11:37
  know, because your eyes have been open, You have all the
• 11:39
  information provided in front of you.
• 11:41
  You know, it's like somebody give you a pop quiz.
• 11:44
  The time I gave you a pop quiz on a material you've never seen
• 11:47
  before, you're probably going to fill it.
• 11:48
  You're probably going to guess and get something.
• 11:49
  You might can guess and get something right up some of the
• 11:51
  answers right if it's multiple choice.
• 11:54
  But if it's like, you know, but you had a chance to study and
• 11:57
  people give you the information, you can get a better grade, you
• 12:00
  see what I'm saying? Like if somebody gives you a pop
• 12:01
  quiz on narcissism, you never heard the word, you know, but
• 12:05
  now you learned about it, you can.
• 12:07
  You might get past that test for the 8090 or even 100.
• 12:10
  You know you woke now. Stay woke, stay blessed, stay
• 12:12
  empower. Y'all.
• 12:13
  Anyways, y'all hope y'all enjoyed this video.
• 12:15
  I'm out. Thank you so much for making it
• 12:19
  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness rock
• 12:21
  star and I appreciate you for being here.
• 12:23
  If you haven't already, make sure to click on the screen to
• 12:25
  subscribe to the channel and watch another one of my videos
• 12:28
  on my playlist. There's also a link available up
• 12:30
  here for you to purchase my kids.
• 12:32
  But remember, it's not your fault on Amazon so check that
• 12:36
  out. Thank you.
• 12:37
  I will see you in the next video.
• 12:38
  Peace.