Latest / The You Project / #2253 Meaningful Suffering - Bobby Cappuccio

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#2253 Meaningful Suffering - Bobby Cappuccio · The You Project

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: G'day team. I hope you're bloody terrific.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: Before we get underway today, I want to tell you
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: about my new life workshop. It's coming up November 8th
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: at Deakin Uni in Melbourne. It's called Life on Purpose.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: And as the title suggests, we're going to explore living
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: life on purpose. And by that, I mean a life with.
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: Intention and direction and passion and even strategy. And while
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: we're at it, we'll also explore the idea of living
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: in purpose. And by that, I mean, living a life
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: which aligns with our beliefs, goals and values. In other words,
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: the things that matter most to us. It's been my
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: experience and observation over the years that many people are
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: living a somewhat unintentional and unconscious existence, kind of day-to-day
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: doing what doesn't really work, what doesn't really make them
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: happy and doesn't really produce the kind of results they
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: want to see in the world.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: Kind of like a Groundhog Day existence, which makes it
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: predictable and familiar, but not necessarily fulfilling or rewarding or joyful.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: And having worked with thousands of people over four decades,
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: I'm fascinated with potential and possibilities, and of course, human behavior.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: All the stuff we're going to do a deep dive
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: on on November 8th at Melbourne's Deakin Uni. So I
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: would love to see you there to book in or
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: to learn more, just go to my website, craigharper.net, and
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: take a squiz-a-roonie.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: See you there. Or not. And now, I'm with the show. G'day, team.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: It's Bobby and Harps. It's the You Project. We hope
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: you're great. We hope you're having a good day. Hope
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: you're having a good night. Hope life's good.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: Hope you're stumbling towards Christmas with cheer and enthusiasm or
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: something positive. Are you a big fan of Christmas, Bobby,
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: or do you not look forward to it that much,
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: or are you Switzerland?
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: It's one of my favorite times of the year.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, cool.
• 2:05
  Speaker 4: Just the buildup, the anticipation. Not so much like the
• 2:09
  Speaker 4: Hallmark films, but everything else around it.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, nice. Nice. And what do you typically do?
• 2:19
  Speaker 4: Just, well, the past couple of years, I've been going
• 2:22
  Speaker 4: back to New York City, trying to get out of
• 2:25
  Speaker 4: the house. I love it because it's cold. If it's
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: snowy in Coney Island, that's great. Because Coney Island, where
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: I grew up, middle of the winter, in a snowstorm,
• 2:34
  Speaker 4: it's surreal. Yeah. It looks like this abandoned beach community.
• 2:38
  Speaker 4: You've got all the Ferris wheels, the amusement park. You've
• 2:41
  Speaker 4: got these freaky bars that are kind of like fun houses.
• 2:47
  Speaker 4: It's just this really bizarre feel. And it feels like
• 2:51
  Speaker 4: you're in another world. And I like to get out
• 2:53
  Speaker 4: of those. When you say bar, you mean like alcoholic? Yeah. Right.
• 2:59
  Speaker 4: So they converted a fun house museum, which is where,
• 3:03
  Speaker 4: so it's the history of Coney Island. And they've got
• 3:05
  Speaker 4: all these weird, freaky mirrors, you know, distort your image.
• 3:09
  Speaker 4: They've got cats walking around. I got slapped in the
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: face by a cat last year. Got a little bit
• 3:14
  Speaker 4: too handsy. Just thought, oh, cat was sitting right next
• 3:18
  Speaker 4: to me. Gave me a headbutt. I thought, oh, I'm
• 3:20
  Speaker 4: going to go in for a pet. Got slapped me
• 3:23
  Speaker 4: right in the face. Didn't try that again. So yeah,
• 3:26
  Speaker 4: they'll sit down, have a beer with you. It's just,
• 3:29
  Speaker 4: it's great. I just love, I wanted to get out
• 3:31
  Speaker 4: of that neighborhood so badly when I was a kid.
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: It was a very different neighborhood, but now I love
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: going back. I love going to all these little storybook
• 3:42
  Speaker 4: neighborhoods in Brooklyn that are just absolutely gorgeous, especially when
• 3:47
  Speaker 4: they shut down. and getting out of the house because
• 3:50
  Speaker 4: my wife does love the Hallmark films. I mean, I'm
• 3:53
  Speaker 4: not above crying my eyes out to love Actually every
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: other year, but the Hallmark films are a little bit
• 4:00
  Speaker 4: too much.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: It's so beautiful, that idea of Christmas in snow. I'm
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: glad that's not our standard, but I definitely wouldn't mind
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: experiencing a few Christmases in snow, or at least one
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: or two, because Australia is just Christmas Day with fucking
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: sweltering heat.
• 4:23
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah. That's like mid-summer. Yeah.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: Cricket, because the Boxing Day test, which is a big
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: deal in Australia, starts obviously the day after Christmas. Barbecues, eskies,
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: excessive amounts of food, bloating and regret. Yeah, it's quite.
• 4:46
  Speaker 4: It's an average Tuesday for me.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: It seems like quite the opposite.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: I was thinking about the aforementioned mirrors that distort your
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: face and all of that. Imagine if you had a
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: distorted face and you went in, had a Captain Cook,
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: and you looked normal.
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: Well, that's like me when I was growing up. I
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: had a distorted face, so I hung around the funhouse, thought, wow,
• 5:09
  Speaker 4: I have potential here.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: What could I look like if I was normal?
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: This could really be something.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: So did you take, once you put your distorted face
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: into the mirror, did you take a snapshot and take
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: that to the surgeon and say, this is what I
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: want to look like? Yeah.
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: I want to be stretched down the middle with my
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: cheekbones slanted to the right a bit. Yeah.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: I want to be nine feet tall.
• 5:35
  Speaker 4: That guy from Scream. Yeah. That's what I'm going for.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: Oh, that is funny.
• 5:42
  Speaker 4: It is. Yeah. Yeah.
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: Christmas seems to be coming, I don't know, less of
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: a thing. What do you mean less of a thing? Well,
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: I just mean.
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: Older, you mean?
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: Well, I just think. And this is not a complaint.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: It's not a comment on anything else. It's just an observation.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: As the world becomes percentage-wise less and less Christian, obviously
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: there'll be less and less celebration of Christmas and And,
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: you know, Australia has never been more multicultural than right now,
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: which is definitely not a bad thing. But as we
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: kind of get so many other religions integrated, and, of course,
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: there are other cultures that still celebrate Christmas, but, yeah,
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: it seems like it's less of a thing than ever.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: But what is going nuts over here, which is crazy
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: to me, is Halloween.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: Halloween.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: Like when I grew up, Halloween wasn't a thing in Australia.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: Like it did not exist. It was zero part of
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: our culture. And I went for a walk this morning.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: I went for a nearly 10K walk this morning through
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: the back streets of suburban Melbourne. And I reckon I
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: passed 500 houses which had significant Halloween decorations. paraphernalia, like
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: ghosts coming out of the top window and like skeletons
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: up on the roof, climbing on the tiles and grave
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: sites on the, what they call the nature strip over here.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: What do they call it over there? The bit of
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: grass outside your house?
• 7:27
  Speaker 4: Grass.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: There's a name for it. Don't be a dickhead.
• 7:32
  Speaker 4: Well, that's what they call grass outside your house. It's grass.
• 7:34
  Speaker 4: Are you talking about a front lawn?
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: No, on the street. Is it not called a nature strip?
• 7:40
  Speaker 4: No, it's just called grass. Like literally, that's what it's called.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: I don't think so. I think you don't know.
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: Well, it's a mystery to me then.
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: The bit of grass in front of your house that
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: is outside the boundary of.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: Your house, that's just called grass.
• 7:56
  Speaker 4: That's grass, yeah.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: And sometimes they have trees, and we call those trees. Wow.
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: I've got a big Halloween thing going on because we...
• 8:05
  Speaker 4: I'm going to fucking slap you. We did up the
• 8:08
  Speaker 4: front of the house. We put like all these pumpkins
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: and we've got like a cat in a cloak and
• 8:13
  Speaker 4: a witch's hat and we put this big ghost. But
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: there's stray cats in the neighborhood.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: So.
• 8:20
  Speaker 4: They're pissing all over our ghost because there's a territorial
• 8:24
  Speaker 4: dispute with our cats. So our cats comes out there,
• 8:27
  Speaker 4: takes a wee on the ghost, and then the stray
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: cats come, takes a wee on the ghost. So it's
• 8:33
  Speaker 4: a bit of a situation. We're planning on keeping that
• 8:35
  Speaker 4: ghost and bringing it out every year, but not so much.
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: I think it's a one-year ornament process.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: Well, Cats Pissing on Ghosts is the name of the
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: show so far, so hopefully.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: We can improve from here.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: What I did want to talk to you about in
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: some kind of grown-up semblance is– actually, let me preface
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: the topic with a one-minute story from yesterday. I did a–
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: An international talk online to a bunch of happen-to-be-all ladies
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: in different parts of the world, mainly Australia, but some
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: women from around the world, all navigating, I don't like
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: to say battling with.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: It sounds very... Navigating the lupus journey. And.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: other autoimmune diseases, but primarily most of the people have
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: and are dealing with and surviving and thriving and struggling
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: at times with lupus. It occurred to me how living
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: with a disease that's never going to go away The
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: volume goes up and down and the symptoms go up
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: and down and the pain and the discomfort go up
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: and down and the energy goes up and down and
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: the inflammation goes up and down, but the disease remains.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: and virtually or very, very few people are symptom free.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: And I was just thinking about this idea of adaptability,
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: just having to live in a world or a life
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: or a body where that requires you to be able
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: or a job or a marriage or whatever, but a
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: situation that requires you to be adaptable.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: And I've written this a few times.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: I feel like probably the most regular question that my
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: life is asking me is how well can you adapt, Craig?
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: You know, and that's been with my PhD. That's been
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: with technology. That's been with social media. That's been with
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: my father not being here. That's with becoming primary carer
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: for my mum. That's, you know, so many things where, oh, shit,
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: I don't know how to do this. I don't know
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: how to do this. I've never done this. I'm not
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: a natural at this. I have no skills at this.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: I have no knowledge or very limited knowledge. I guess
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: I'll have to figure it out. Tell us, is that
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: ever something that comes into your awareness or teaching our
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: capacity to adapt correlating to our likelihood of success?
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: I think there's two ways I want to look at
• 11:25
  Speaker 4: this conversation because this has been personal for me over
• 11:28
  Speaker 4: the past couple of weeks in a pretty powerful way.
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: A lot of... So I've done... Over 10, I don't
• 11:38
  Speaker 4: know exactly, but over 10 seminars this month alone, which
• 11:42
  Speaker 4: is a bit. And in one way, shape or form,
• 11:45
  Speaker 4: I'm being asked by these organizations to talk about resilience.
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: And when we think about resilience, we think about grit
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: and mental toughness. And that is definitely part of it.
• 11:56
  Speaker 4: But I think the main element of resilience is adaptability.
• 12:01
  Speaker 4: And there's this sense of agency. This internal locus of
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: control that my attitudes and behaviors can affect the world
• 12:11
  Speaker 4: around me can affect change. So there's, there's this causality
• 12:16
  Speaker 4: that's in play. And I feel like that's important. And
• 12:22
  Speaker 4: especially when so many people are struggling with burnout and
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: feeling a lack of control and a lack of predictability.
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: But there's also something else that I've noticed about resilience
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: in my own life recently. And that's openness versus control.
• 12:43
  Speaker 4: And a lot of the ways that I think we're
• 12:45
  Speaker 4: taught to approach resilience, compromise it. Because yeah, it is
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: about growing and it is about getting better. And it
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: is about, okay, self-efficacy. And I have demonstrated to myself
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: that evidence that I can engage in a behavior pattern
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: that aligns with an outcome. But what happens when you
• 13:06
  Speaker 4: strongly identify with an outcome or a lifestyle? It's like, okay,
• 13:11
  Speaker 4: I need to control this. I need to make this happen.
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: And that kind of solidifies. That is a control-based identity.
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: Like this is who I am. This is the result
• 13:25
  Speaker 4: that I'm going to produce. And that's all good. That's
• 13:27
  Speaker 4: very useful at times. But I've been experimenting and exploring
• 13:33
  Speaker 4: openness lately where I don't have to control anything. You know,
• 13:38
  Speaker 4: there's not this attachment to who I used to be
• 13:41
  Speaker 4: or who I want to be and what outcome I
• 13:44
  Speaker 4: want to produce. There's just, let me allow this to
• 13:47
  Speaker 4: happen rather than making this happen. Let me let go.
• 13:53
  Speaker 4: Let me surrender to what's necessary in the moment. I
• 13:56
  Speaker 4: feel like whenever I've done that in my life.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 13:59
  Speaker 4: No matter how much change has been going on, I've
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: been adaptable to it, but there's something else. I've been
• 14:07
  Speaker 4: curiously adaptable and I've allowed myself to be transformed rather than, okay,
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: I'm adaptable. I'll change, but begrudgingly. And it's filled with
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: rumination and regret and pain rather than excitement.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: What do you mean? While you're in the process or
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: at the end of the process?
• 14:28
  Speaker 4: There's been things like, I'll bring up something that you
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: and I went through. You had a front row seat
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: to something that was a bit destabilizing to my identity.
• 14:40
  Speaker 4: That and there was like 10 different crises going on
• 14:43
  Speaker 4: in my life at the same time.
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: And I adapted. I think I adapted pretty well. I
• 14:50
  Speaker 4: navigated through a lot of major change. Some change I
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: didn't do very well with and, but overall I adapted,
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: but there was this, instead of what's next, it was like,
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: I'm adapting because I have to, but it was painful
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: where that could have been a new awakening. That could
• 15:10
  Speaker 4: have been, wow, this is a chance to reinvent myself,
• 15:15
  Speaker 4: given the context and everything that's broken down. Looking back,
• 15:20
  Speaker 4: I don't know if I had to go through burnout,
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: which is what happened right after that.
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: Right. I don't think adapting the process of adaptation is
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: ever truly comfortable.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: I think almost.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: Always it requires an element of either physical or mental
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: or emotional or a combination within those three of pain
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: you know just like the analogy we've given too much
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: about going to the gym unless you get uncomfortable your
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: body won't adapt because it doesn't need to because there's
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: no physiological demand for adaptation because you're doing the same
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: thing the same way at the same level for the
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: same reps and the same weight and using the same
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: formula so you can't create a different outcome and i
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: think so too with you know emotional and psychological stuff
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: sociological stuff perhaps also. It's that willingness to, you know,
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: get up and do the thing that might not be
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: your natural habitat or your natural protocol. Like I've seen
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: you on stage live being the educator. I've seen you
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: be the storyteller. I've seen you be the educator. I've
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: seen you at my own weekend away do a Friday
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: night that was good but you didn't.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: Really feel it landed, I think, from memory. It was
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: a long time ago.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: It was absolutely fine and I think you were worried
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: that it didn't really land the way that you wanted to.
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: We had a chat.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: Next day you presented quite differently and it blew everyone away.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: Like you adapted in basically real time.
• 17:16
  Speaker 4: Like I....
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: But that is like even in this one dimension of,
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: let's say, public speaking, which is not where most of
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: our listeners live, but that ability to be able to go,
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: all right, well, I'm not talking to 300 school kids.
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: I'm talking to 300 metal workers or 300 tradesmen or
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: 300 teachers, right? you know, and to be able to go, oh,
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: how do I speak to this group? How do I,
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: what do I wear? How do I present myself in
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: terms of energy and body language? And like you're adapting
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: and modifying in real time, you know, but you would
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: even go into that. If I go to you, mate,
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: I want you to come to Monash and university, and
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: I want you to talk to the boys and girls
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: at Brain Park. We have a meeting on Monday. So
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: you're talking to PhD students, you're talking to researchers, a
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: few postdocs, and the staff. I know how much time
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: and effort and energy you would put into that. And
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: I know the way that you would present versus if
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: I said, you know, I want you to come and
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: talk At the bowls club down the road, it's a
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: hundred people. They're all aged between 55 and 80.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: It would be a.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: Totally different version of you with a totally different message,
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: if not energy and storytelling, because you have to adapt
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: to do what's right for the group.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: But you can do that on demand. Like you don't
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: need to go think about that.
• 18:57
  Speaker 4: I think that's one of the benefits of skill development.
• 18:59
  Speaker 4: Skill development allows you to have the confidence and the
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: adaptability to to get out of the way. So what
• 19:07
  Speaker 4: happened at that event, your event that you're talking about,
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: on that Friday evening, I got up and I had
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: in my head, and this has happened a few times
• 19:18
  Speaker 4: in my life, like the past couple of years, this
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: is how I've approached a lot of my work. I
• 19:23
  Speaker 4: was like, all right, this is Craig's event. I'm going
• 19:26
  Speaker 4: to do a good job for Craig. I'm going to
• 19:28
  Speaker 4: add value to this audience. Of course, it's not going
• 19:32
  Speaker 4: to land. The next day it was like, okay, I'm
• 19:36
  Speaker 4: going to get out of the way and allow whatever
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: needs to emerge in this room to emerge in this room.
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: I'm going to be in response to rather than saying, okay,
• 19:47
  Speaker 4: I'm going to drive the energy in the room.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 19:51
  Speaker 4: We're going to co-create it. There's a whole audience there.
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: I think, you know, that, that can bleed into any
• 19:58
  Speaker 4: aspect of your life and not just work. but your
• 20:01
  Speaker 4: personal life too. Like imagine going on a date. It's like,
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: I'm going to be the funniest date this person's ever had. Okay.
• 20:07
  Speaker 4: Good luck with that. Versus I'm going to show up
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: and be completely present with no agenda, no plan, you know,
• 20:17
  Speaker 4: and maybe appreciate whatever comes out of this evening. That's
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: a completely different experience for you and the other person.
• 20:25
  Speaker 4: And I've been, I mean, getting back to in the,
• 20:28
  Speaker 4: I went away to Vegas and, couple of weeks ago
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: for a conference and i did all the preparation and
• 20:35
  Speaker 4: you know the outlines and the research and what am
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: i going to talk about but the morning of i
• 20:42
  Speaker 4: was taking a walk through the casino um thinking wow
• 20:46
  Speaker 4: i'm probably going to die of lung cancer if i
• 20:48
  Speaker 4: don't get out of this uh building sometime soon and.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: Are they still smoking casinos heaps oh wow yeah it's
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: just it's brutal that's That's fucking disgusting.
• 21:00
  Speaker 4: It's jarring because you don't experience that anywhere else. So
• 21:04
  Speaker 4: when you go back into that environment, it's like, how
• 21:07
  Speaker 4: is anybody even enjoying this? Even people smoking. It's like,
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: it's almost like you're a hot box in yourself with
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: nicotine in a place that you're not leaving. It's interesting.
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: But I was walking around, popped outside and I was like, okay,
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: let me get out of my way. And I even,
• 21:26
  Speaker 4: I said a prayer when I was walking. And just
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: basically like minimize me, help me get in front of
• 21:33
  Speaker 4: this room and disappear completely or as much as humanly possible.
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: And I felt, you ever feel this where you get
• 21:43
  Speaker 4: up and you're doing your intro and then you're closing,
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: but you're not really sure what happened in between that.
• 21:50
  Speaker 4: It's almost like, it's almost like when you fall asleep,
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: when the plane takes off and then it hits the
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: tarmac and you're like, oh my goodness, I slept through
• 21:57
  Speaker 4: the whole flight. I had one of those experiences. I thought, wow,
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: this has not happened to me in a very long time.
• 22:03
  Speaker 4: And that felt amazing. And I was so connected with
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: the audience. And just a few days later, I was
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: on an aircraft carrier giving a seminar. And I did
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: the same thing. Just get me out of the way.
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: And the same exact thing happened.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: Did you pray before that?
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: Zachariah 4-6.
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: What is that? What is that scripture? I know it's
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: Old Testament, but tell me it.
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: Not by might, not by power, but by my spirit,
• 22:35
  Speaker 4: saith the Lord of hosts. And the reason why that
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: particular prayer is meaningful is because my ego always wants
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: to get involved lately. And like last night I showed
• 22:48
  Speaker 4: up and I had a partner. And it was, it
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: was on, it was a lot of nutrition in the seminar.
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: Nutrition's not really my subject matter expertise. And I'm highly
• 22:59
  Speaker 4: conscientious that when you're speaking, you need to really know
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: what you're talking about and have at least a few levels,
• 23:07
  Speaker 4: greater depth of knowledge than you're presenting. So I was
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: conscientious about it. And normally it's like, just ask me anything.
• 23:15
  Speaker 4: Like I'll show up here. It's fine. We'll get into it.
• 23:18
  Speaker 4: But there were three questions that, that were supposed to
• 23:21
  Speaker 4: frame the talk so I could put in information that
• 23:24
  Speaker 4: was very specific and connect it to something more conceptual.
• 23:29
  Speaker 4: I got there, I sat down, I said, okay, the
• 23:31
  Speaker 4: three questions in order are one, two, three, right? Yes, okay.
• 23:36
  Speaker 4: So you can ask me this, this, this. I said,
• 23:38
  Speaker 4: ask me anything else you want in the whole session.
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: But this has to frame it. These are my anchors. Oh, sure,
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: I'll ask you these three questions. Seminar started. No questions.
• 23:50
  Speaker 4: They were totally different. So I got involved. I'm like, okay,
• 23:54
  Speaker 4: I'm going to do a good job. And it was
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: kind of like, I think people liked it, but you know,
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: when something doesn't land. And again, today I rocked up
• 24:05
  Speaker 4: to a seminar and I was totally in that headspace.
• 24:10
  Speaker 4: And they were reading my entire bio in front of
• 24:13
  Speaker 4: the room, the entire thing. I mean, I was getting
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: bored hearing about me.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I, yeah, I'm with you. I hate that. I'm like,
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: Oh my goodness.
• 24:21
  Speaker 4: And I'm like, and you know, and then Bobby has
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: done this and Bobby is, I'm just looking at the
• 24:26
  Speaker 4: audience and they're just like, Oh, could you get on
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: with it? And instantly I went from being present in
• 24:33
  Speaker 4: the room to, I've got to fix this.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: And that was it.
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah. I presented my heart out. I put as much
• 24:41
  Speaker 4: energy and focus into it as possible.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 24:45
  Speaker 4: Man, was that a mistake? And it was a totally
• 24:47
  Speaker 4: different feeling. I think there's something to be said for
• 24:51
  Speaker 4: surrender as much as there is rolling up your sleeve
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: and exerting your locus of control.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: Explain surrender in simple to understand terms.
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: Surrender is I know what I'm here to do. I
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: understand the job. Whether I'm going out to dinner with
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: a friend that's just not doing very well, struggling, or
• 25:14
  Speaker 4: I'm at work and this is what we're trying to accomplish.
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: I trust in my craft. I trust in myself. I
• 25:23
  Speaker 4: know what I need to know for the situation at hand.
• 25:27
  Speaker 4: And anything I don't know that I need to know,
• 25:30
  Speaker 4: it's okay. I can discover that. I can be honest
• 25:33
  Speaker 4: with that and I'm here to serve. Like, what do
• 25:35
  Speaker 4: these people want? Get me out of the way. I'm
• 25:39
  Speaker 4: not here to have a good meeting. I'm not here
• 25:41
  Speaker 4: to win the friend of the year award. I'm here
• 25:44
  Speaker 4: to be present. I'm here to show up for whatever
• 25:47
  Speaker 4: needs to emerge. It's that same space that makes improv
• 25:51
  Speaker 4: for me so powerful and such a dynamic lab for
• 25:56
  Speaker 4: a coach. But a lot of times it's like, okay,
• 26:00
  Speaker 4: minimize me. Because the bigger you get in those situations sometimes,
• 26:06
  Speaker 4: you're only going to get in the way.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: I've got to do a talk next week for, I
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: can't remember how many it is. It's a hundred or
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: hundreds of school principals. And sometimes with stuff like that,
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: where I go, oh, this is a pretty smart room.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: You know, maybe I should prepare.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: And then I go, what am I going to do?
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: Write down stuff that's already in my head. You know,
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: it's like, and I'll have a framework, like I'll have
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: a little bit of a dot point, but when I
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: actually write notes, it depends what I'm doing. Of course,
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: like if I'm running a 10 week online course, it's different,
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: but if I'm getting up there, I think it's an
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: hour and a half keynote, which is a long keynote.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: So it's almost like a mini workshop, but yeah, you know,
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: when companies, well, they don't ring me, they ring Melissa
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: and they say, oh, could you send, could you send
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: Craig's presentation through?
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: And she goes, yeah.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: No, he doesn't, he doesn't have, he doesn't have, no,
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: there's no, like I'll send an overview of what I'm
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: going to talk about.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: But they want my slideshow that doesn't exist.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: Right. They want all the tech stuff that, And I'm
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: not comparing, but just that all the other speakers have
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: all this tech stuff, handouts and slides. And she says
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: to them, oh, they go, well, what are his tech needs?
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: And she goes, a whiteboard and a new black marker,
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: a thick black marker, not a thin black marker.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: And they're like, really? She's like, yeah, that's it. And
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: I think....
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: Which may sound arrogant, I do not mean it to,
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: but I perform way better. Like I know the group.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: I know what the theme of the day is. I
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: know why they're there. I know what I'm talking about.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: I know kind of the outcome that we want. But
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: also I think at the end of the day, whether
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: or not, By the way, how hard.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: Do school teachers have it? I'm just thinking. Now, imagine
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: doing what you and I do.
• 28:27
  Speaker 4: Extremely.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: Six hours, eight hours a day.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: But anyway.
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: The teaching part's the easiest part of the job. It's
• 28:35
  Speaker 4: all the other stuff. But anyway. Yeah, right.
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: But, yeah, I know that when I am– It sounds
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: funny because it's quite a cognitive experience in many ways
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: because you've got to recall information and stories and ideas
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: and terms and language and data and, you know, often
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: a few stats here and there to sound somewhat intelligent.
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: But I'm with you. The more that I am on autopilot,
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: not in a lazy way, but just in that flow
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: state of I've literally spoke the stuff that I'm going
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: to talk to you about. I have spoken about thousands
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: of times. You know, there's some new stuff. My content
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: is always evolving. You know, there's a few new thoughts
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: and ideas and insights and science, a bit more science
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: and research in my stuff now because of the last
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: six years of my life. But yeah, the more I
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: am out of the way, like you, where it's like
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: that cheesy term where it comes through me, not from me,
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: where I go, it's all in there.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: It's all in there.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: I don't need to overthink everything. And when I just
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: do that, it actually allows me to look at the
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: audience and to connect with the audience and to read
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: the room. And to figure out, is this landing? Is
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: this not landing? Am I building connection or disconnection? Is
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: there engagement or are they with me, right? And sometimes
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: you look around and you're like, yeah, this is not bad,
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: but this could be bad. Maybe I need to change
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: direction or energy or tone or content in real time.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: Just to keep that.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: Even to the point where I've said at least 20
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: times in my career, where I feel like we're in
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: the middle, we're at the halfway mark, we're not.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: Floundering, but.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: It's clear that some people are more about the head stuff,
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: for example, and some people are more about just the
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: physical health stuff in a particular presentation. And I'll go,
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: all right, we've got half an hour left. Do you
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: want me to be Craig the psychology guy or Craig
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: the exercise science guy? Do you want to talk about
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: head stuff, mind stuff, beliefs, values, resilience, decision-making, culture, connection, communication?
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: Or do you want to talk about how to get
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: jacked and look amazing and feel amazing and be amazing
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: physically and sleep great and eat great and have a
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: body that's fucking amazing?
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: What do you want?
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: The body stuff or the head stuff? And let's go
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: show of hands. And I literally then let them decide,
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: we'll go with majority rules. And then usually it's three
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: quarters one way and 25% another way. So it's very clear.
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: And then they've got agency within the context of the
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: hour or hour and a half. And they're actually shaping
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: where we're going or directing where we're going. Obviously, you
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: need to know your subject matter to do that. But Yeah,
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: for me, it's sometimes it's as open-ended as that.
• 31:57
  Speaker 4: I love when the audience is leading the presentation. I
• 32:01
  Speaker 4: love responding to questions and building the presentation around what
• 32:05
  Speaker 4: their questions and concerns are. You know, going back to,
• 32:07
  Speaker 4: because we all have that, where I'm in a room
• 32:10
  Speaker 4: right now, I'm in a meeting, and these people are
• 32:12
  Speaker 4: really smart. You know, let's say next week, Melissa said, Craig,
• 32:17
  Speaker 4: we've got a great gig for you. You're presenting to
• 32:20
  Speaker 4: a room of 300 fish and these fish, they're executives.
• 32:24
  Speaker 4: So they're big fish. And you walk into that room
• 32:28
  Speaker 4: of big fish. The majority of those fish, the last
• 32:31
  Speaker 4: thing that they want you to talk about is water. Yeah.
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: Like show me a different way of looking at something.
• 32:39
  Speaker 4: I already know. Give me an insight. I never thought before.
• 32:44
  Speaker 4: Or teach me something I don't know that makes me
• 32:46
  Speaker 4: more effective in engaging with something I care about. Now,
• 32:50
  Speaker 4: there's always those people. It's like, no, I want to
• 32:52
  Speaker 4: test how much the speaker knows. They're out there, but
• 32:55
  Speaker 4: they're not the majority of the audience. And they'll be
• 32:58
  Speaker 4: drowned out by the energy in the room if you're
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: connecting with the majority.
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: Correct.
• 33:03
  Speaker 4: I got up in front of a university once to
• 33:05
  Speaker 4: speak to the psychology department. And the head of the
• 33:09
  Speaker 4: psychology department got up and said, okay, I'm going to
• 33:12
  Speaker 4: speak for 10 minutes before Bobby, because Bobby does not
• 33:16
  Speaker 4: have a PhD. So if I don't speak, we don't
• 33:19
  Speaker 4: get any credit for this. Thank you for that lovely introduction.
• 33:25
  Speaker 4: And I got up and I talked about how movement
• 33:28
  Speaker 4: affects brain states.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 33:31
  Speaker 4: They understand about, they understand the brain. They don't understand
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: how movement impacts the brain. They were highly engaged.
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: How ironic though is it that that fucking dude, excuse
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: my language everyone, that that gentleman felt compelled to get
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: up and point out that you didn't have a PhD, right?
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: He could have just got up there and said none
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: of that and just presented for 10 minutes and ticked
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: that box if that was an actual requirement to gain
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: academic credits for whatever that presentation was going to be.
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: He didn't need to point that out. Because in the
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: same breath, he was insulting you and elevating himself.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: And you think, wow, for.
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: Someone with a PhD in psychology, you are kind of stupid.
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: You have just demonstrated insecurity and ignorance and an inability
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: to read the room or the situation by saying, I
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: have this, he doesn't have it. And if we only
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: listen to him, we're not like, yeah that's that you
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: know we could talk about kinds of intelligence for 10
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: episodes in a row i want to jump back though
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: just for a minute to where we started adaptability.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: And the value of adaptability and you.
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: Mentioned that it's a huge component of resilience what are
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: some ways so listeners are going yeah that's cool how
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: does this apply to me um What is the value
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: of being more adaptable? Maybe we've already kind of demonstrated that.
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: But what are some ideas? I'll jump in as well,
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: if need be, because you don't have a PhD.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: I'm kidding.
• 35:20
  Speaker 4: True.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: Touche. I was absolutely joking.
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: Bobby is hands down one of the smartest people in
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: the world that I personally know.
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And I'm very happy that we're friends.
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: And I never, the fact that, yeah, it's all, almost
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: the entirety of my life, I haven't had a PhD either.
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: So it's clearly, well, maybe I'm just saying it's not
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: important because that suits me. I don't know. But how
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: do we become more adaptable is my long-winded question. What
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: are some things that we can do to build our
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: capacity to adapt?
• 35:58
  Speaker 4: I feel like three things that pop into my head
• 36:00
  Speaker 4: is cultivate curiosity, agency, and continual learning and development. I
• 36:06
  Speaker 4: feel like those three things dramatically elevate our level of resilience.
• 36:14
  Speaker 4: To be curious about what's happening, to not arrive at
• 36:18
  Speaker 4: premature conclusions, or as Ted Lasso says, be curious, not judgmental.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: Yes, so good. So good.
• 36:27
  Speaker 4: I mean, that's a masterclass.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: Who thought you'd be quoting bloody Ted Lasso with something genuinely, well,
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: whoever wrote Ted Lasso, shout out to that writer, genuinely
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: profound and insightful and valuable.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: That is so interesting. Yep, continue.
• 36:49
  Speaker 4: Sorry. I thought I'd be quoting Roy Kent by this
• 36:54
  Speaker 4: time in the episode. But anyway. And it's just, it's
• 36:58
  Speaker 4: being open. It's developing skills and the ability to impact change,
• 37:06
  Speaker 4: to have influence. And influence is the ability to positively
• 37:10
  Speaker 4: affect the character development and behavior of someone or on
• 37:16
  Speaker 4: a bigger level, something. That's the definition of influence and learning.
• 37:22
  Speaker 4: because I feel like learning inspires you. It opens you
• 37:26
  Speaker 4: up to different insights. It causes you to see things
• 37:29
  Speaker 4: that might not be evident in the absence of it.
• 37:33
  Speaker 4: And it allows you to constantly grow and navigate through
• 37:38
  Speaker 4: increasing dynamic complexity. And in today's world where we don't
• 37:43
  Speaker 4: even know what the world's going to look like six
• 37:45
  Speaker 4: months from now, not to mention like, you know, our lives,
• 37:49
  Speaker 4: our jobs, our, That becomes absolutely critical.
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: So if we wind out from the micro of resilience
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: and adaptability as being components of the macro that is success,
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: of course success means different things to different people and
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: it even means different things to the same person given
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: the context of their life at a given stage. And
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: we needed to come up with five attributes or five
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: skills or qualities.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: That would help us succeed.
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: So one is adaptability, which is interwoven with two, which
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: is resilience. I'm going to give three and then I
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: want you to give four and five. I think three,
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: and again, everyone, this is just us thinking out loud
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: organically in real time.
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: This is not the official list. This is Bobby and
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: Harps banging on.
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: I think an important part of being capable of success,
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: whatever that means to you, is your willingness to get
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: uncomfortable consistently because when I go and do something that
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: I'm not good at, that I don't have skill in,
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: that I am not comfortable with, that involves a degree
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: of unfamiliarity and uncertainty, let's assume I don't sink, then
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: I've got to just swim. And it's in the metaphoric
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: swimming that I become more adaptable. And I could give
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: you countless stories in my life where I was somewhere
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: in the proximity in terms of complete ineptitude when I
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: started a process. And a month, a year, three, five
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: years later, I was quite good at that thing that
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: I was once fucking terrible at. And it's only because
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: I persevered. I did the hard stuff. So one would
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: be adaptability. Two would be resilience. And I think these
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: are tied into what I just said anyway, our willingness
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: to get uncomfortable in pursuit of something that we really desire.
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: What would four and five be for you, Grasshopper?
• 40:12
  Speaker 4: Well, my four and five is going to tie back
• 40:15
  Speaker 4: into what you were talking about. Because for me, Pain
• 40:19
  Speaker 4: and discomfort does not have to induce suffering. I always
• 40:24
  Speaker 4: go back to Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl, where
• 40:28
  Speaker 4: he said, despair is suffering in the absence of meaning.
• 40:32
  Speaker 4: There's a very big difference in the way the brain
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: processes information and modulates stress between this is happening to me.
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 40:45
  Speaker 4: This is a situation that is uncomfortable for me and
• 40:50
  Speaker 4: I'm engaging in it because one paralyzes you. The other
• 40:57
  Speaker 4: one utilizes the stress hormone response as a performance enhancer.
• 41:03
  Speaker 4: And I would think meaning is one. What is the meaning?
• 41:06
  Speaker 4: Because meaning gives you a compass. When I'm going through
• 41:11
  Speaker 4: a storm, I need to know what the direction is
• 41:15
  Speaker 4: that I'm heading, which way is North. And that's critical.
• 41:20
  Speaker 4: And the second one is hope. And hope is not
• 41:22
  Speaker 4: about wishing things will get better. Um, CR Snyder, the
• 41:26
  Speaker 4: psychologist who's the founder of hope theory talks about hope
• 41:30
  Speaker 4: being the convergence of willpower and way power. So yes,
• 41:35
  Speaker 4: I am committed to this. And yeah, I am constantly
• 41:40
  Speaker 4: going back to learning and development. I am constantly elevating
• 41:44
  Speaker 4: my capacity and the possibilities for ways forward. So the
• 41:49
  Speaker 4: greater number of possibilities, reference points and distinctions I have,
• 41:54
  Speaker 4: the less paralyzed and hopeless I become. Because if one
• 41:58
  Speaker 4: thing doesn't work, I have other ways forward. And I
• 42:03
  Speaker 4: believe I'll find those. So for me, it would be
• 42:06
  Speaker 4: hope and meaning.
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: Fuck, dude, that is so good. Preach, bro. Preach.
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: I feel like you've got 10% of you in the
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: teaching and 90% of you in the preaching right now.
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: It's so good.
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: And so I think, you know what is a good
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: title for this episode? Meaningful Suffering. Meaningful Suffering.
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 42:28
  Speaker 4: What about Cats Pissing on Ghosts?
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: Well, Cats Pissing on Ghosts.
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: I've actually got that written down here.
• 42:36
  Speaker 4: Like what's the meaning in that suffering? You think you
• 42:39
  Speaker 4: go through a really hard life. You feed your family.
• 42:42
  Speaker 4: You get by next thing. You know, you're a ghost.
• 42:45
  Speaker 4: You've got a bunch of cats pissing on you. It's
• 42:48
  Speaker 4: not just.
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: It wasn't your plan. Was it?
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: I loved, loved that conversation. Whatever you did leading up
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: to this chat, do that next week. Cause you, You
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: brought your A game.
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: I love it. Tell people how to find you.
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Did you body weight squats or did you have
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: some weight on?
• 43:09
  Speaker 4: No, I had a little bit of weight on, but
• 43:11
  Speaker 4: I did some body weight squats. I was like, yeah, actually.
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: Did you actually do squats or are you cheating me?
• 43:17
  Speaker 4: I did. I actually did squats.
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: How's your lower back with that? Sorry, everyone.
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: We're just watering down the gold that just came out
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: of Bobby's gob. What, um, Are you just moving lightweights
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: these days?
• 43:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I was just doing some goblet squats.
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, cool, cool.
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: Bro, how can people find you and get more of
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: the Bobby experience?
• 43:41
  Speaker 4: That's the self-help antidote, selfhelpantidote.com. I am on LinkedIn. I'm
• 43:49
  Speaker 4: experimenting with some cinematic videos. I don't know if that's
• 43:53
  Speaker 4: improving the quality of them at all, so you can
• 43:55
  Speaker 4: watch some of those. Yeah.
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: We will be checking in on that. Also, everyone, I've
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: got a– I should know the date. I think it's
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: November 9, Deakin University. My new workshop is called Life
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: on Purpose. That is an open to the public, that
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: is you workshop in three-dimensional reality, which is very weird
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: because I've done lots of three-dimensional corporate stuff over the
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: last few years, but I haven't done a face-to-face public
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: workshop in a few years because I've been... stuck trying
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: to figure out the meaning of life at Monash Uni.
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: But now the door has been flung open, so I'm
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: running in with my arms in the air. I would
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: love you to join me. Just go to my website, craigharper.net.
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: Have a look. All the deets are there. Read about it.
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: If it's not for you, jump off. If it is
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: for you, book in, and I will see you in
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: person on the 9th.
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: That would be great. Mate, love your guts. Thank you
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: so much.
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: We'll say goodbye off there, but for the minute, thank you.
• 45:04
  Speaker 4: Thank you, Craig.